Andrea Kayne's Blog - Posts Tagged "ocd"
My Midlife Scavenger Hunt
I know people who’ve done crazy things midlife: A friend who ran the Chicago Marathon, New York City Marathon, and Boston Marathon in seven-minute miles and still keeps trying to better her time. An acquaintance who, on her 45th birthday, flew to Africa to climb Mt. Kilimanjaro. A recently divorced relative who rode from Chicago to Alaska on her boyfriend’s motorcycle to watch grizzly bears hunt salmon during spawning season.
Additionally, inspired to give back, many of the graduate students at the university where I teach decide midlife to become teachers or counselors. I have many friends who’ve gone back to school in their forties to become real-estate agents, interior designers, physical therapists, and life coaches. I recently befriended a woman who became an ordained rabbi midlife and now teaches Torah to women in prison. Even though few participants were Jewish, the Passover seder was packed. In prison or at midlife, we’re all searching for freedom.
I don’t know if these activities reflect an ache or a longing for freedom or merely a general feeling that something is missing. Perhaps these friends read Gail Sheehy’s Passages, woke up one day, and realized they wanted to live differently or more fully and that the only way to accomplish this was through bold action and some dramatic gesture, some dramatic midlife crisis.
Like Gail Sheehy, I’m uncomfortable with the phrase “midlife crisis,” but I don’t want to judge what my friends do. Hell, my philosophy is usually, if you’re not hurting anyone (including yourself), why not go for it? I don’t want to imply that these friends are crazy and outrageous. Secretly, I have always admired their courage, their midlife chutzpahdik, this I don’t give a damn what anybody thinks; I’m doing it anyway attitude.
I am trying to muster a bit of this attitude myself. Even though I have a very loving husband of almost 20 years (his sense of humor and waning eyesight probably help), two amazing kids (who keep their adolescent eye-rolling to a minimum and are still willing to cuddle), and a successful career in academia—where I am the tenured chair of my department—I find myself at 45 starting my own little press to publish my debut novel, Oxford Messed Up. This, in spite of the fact that I was fortunate enough (or so I thought) to get a New York agent on my first try.
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At times this publishing process has seemed a lot more difficult and outrageous than climbing Mt. Kilimanjaro. But I don’t think it is a midlife crisis. And if I am outrageous and crazy, I knew this long before I thought about publishing a literary love story about a young woman with OCD. Just ask my husband. Still, I don’t really know why I am so compelled to risk resources and humiliation in this very public way at 45, when I should have nothing left to prove.
Asking myself this question has brought me to the realization that this publishing business is more like my midlife scavenger hunt than my midlife crisis. Each part of this publishing journey—the highs and lows, successes and failures, brick walls and automatic doors—has taught me about who I am and what is really important to me at this time in my life. So I’ve decided to write my blog about the clues I have garnered in this midlife scavenger hunt—what I will call publishing my first novel, Oxford Messed Up—and what they have taught me about myself.
Read the rest of this entry here and please feel free to leave a comment or story of your own midlife scavenger hunt adventures:
Publishing My Midlife Scavenger Hunt (Continued)
Additionally, inspired to give back, many of the graduate students at the university where I teach decide midlife to become teachers or counselors. I have many friends who’ve gone back to school in their forties to become real-estate agents, interior designers, physical therapists, and life coaches. I recently befriended a woman who became an ordained rabbi midlife and now teaches Torah to women in prison. Even though few participants were Jewish, the Passover seder was packed. In prison or at midlife, we’re all searching for freedom.
I don’t know if these activities reflect an ache or a longing for freedom or merely a general feeling that something is missing. Perhaps these friends read Gail Sheehy’s Passages, woke up one day, and realized they wanted to live differently or more fully and that the only way to accomplish this was through bold action and some dramatic gesture, some dramatic midlife crisis.
Like Gail Sheehy, I’m uncomfortable with the phrase “midlife crisis,” but I don’t want to judge what my friends do. Hell, my philosophy is usually, if you’re not hurting anyone (including yourself), why not go for it? I don’t want to imply that these friends are crazy and outrageous. Secretly, I have always admired their courage, their midlife chutzpahdik, this I don’t give a damn what anybody thinks; I’m doing it anyway attitude.
I am trying to muster a bit of this attitude myself. Even though I have a very loving husband of almost 20 years (his sense of humor and waning eyesight probably help), two amazing kids (who keep their adolescent eye-rolling to a minimum and are still willing to cuddle), and a successful career in academia—where I am the tenured chair of my department—I find myself at 45 starting my own little press to publish my debut novel, Oxford Messed Up. This, in spite of the fact that I was fortunate enough (or so I thought) to get a New York agent on my first try.
[image error]
At times this publishing process has seemed a lot more difficult and outrageous than climbing Mt. Kilimanjaro. But I don’t think it is a midlife crisis. And if I am outrageous and crazy, I knew this long before I thought about publishing a literary love story about a young woman with OCD. Just ask my husband. Still, I don’t really know why I am so compelled to risk resources and humiliation in this very public way at 45, when I should have nothing left to prove.
Asking myself this question has brought me to the realization that this publishing business is more like my midlife scavenger hunt than my midlife crisis. Each part of this publishing journey—the highs and lows, successes and failures, brick walls and automatic doors—has taught me about who I am and what is really important to me at this time in my life. So I’ve decided to write my blog about the clues I have garnered in this midlife scavenger hunt—what I will call publishing my first novel, Oxford Messed Up—and what they have taught me about myself.
Read the rest of this entry here and please feel free to leave a comment or story of your own midlife scavenger hunt adventures:
Publishing My Midlife Scavenger Hunt (Continued)
My Midlife Scavenger Hunt: Demons and Muses
Clue: Sometimes demons are muses, and in your mid-forties, like heartburn, they can no longer be ignored.
I met Gloria Zimmerman, the protagonist in my novel Oxford Messed Up, during my year from hell—a year when my family, career, and sanity were severely tested. At DePaul University, where I’m on faculty, it was a prolonged nine months of insecurity and uncertainty as colleagues from my department, college, and university meticulously scrutinized my teaching, scholarship, and service, deciding whether I was worthy of tenure and promotion. While my record was solid, I was worried about the subtext underlying my dossier—the toes I may have stepped on, the asses I refused to kiss, and the students who sometimes found my school-law classes challenging.
As it turned out, fighting for tenure was not nearly as difficult as the fighting I would have to do at home. Almost overnight, we had to deal with severe Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder in our family. The psychologist described the OCD as “conflagration” as we watched the disease consume my loved one, severely undermining the ability to talk, to eat, to move, and to relate to peers in any way.
The psychologist and psychiatrist informed me that if there was a chance of the person in my life recovering from the OCD, it would have to be through the combination of Cognitive Behavior Therapy and medication. Both of these options seemed frightening, but it was more frightening watching the deterioration. Cognitive Behavior Therapy with its rigid “tough love” system of rewards and punishments seemed so archaic, but it was…and still is…the only therapy that has been proven successful in treating OCD.
So there I was in the Fall of 2007, justifying my academic record by day and justifying the painful limitations I had to place on someone I deeply loved by night. The only one who got me through was Gloria. Thank God for Gloria...
Read the rest of this entry here and please feel free to leave a comment or story of your own midlife scavenger hunt adventures: My Midlife Scavenger Hunt: Demons and Muses
I met Gloria Zimmerman, the protagonist in my novel Oxford Messed Up, during my year from hell—a year when my family, career, and sanity were severely tested. At DePaul University, where I’m on faculty, it was a prolonged nine months of insecurity and uncertainty as colleagues from my department, college, and university meticulously scrutinized my teaching, scholarship, and service, deciding whether I was worthy of tenure and promotion. While my record was solid, I was worried about the subtext underlying my dossier—the toes I may have stepped on, the asses I refused to kiss, and the students who sometimes found my school-law classes challenging.
As it turned out, fighting for tenure was not nearly as difficult as the fighting I would have to do at home. Almost overnight, we had to deal with severe Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder in our family. The psychologist described the OCD as “conflagration” as we watched the disease consume my loved one, severely undermining the ability to talk, to eat, to move, and to relate to peers in any way.
The psychologist and psychiatrist informed me that if there was a chance of the person in my life recovering from the OCD, it would have to be through the combination of Cognitive Behavior Therapy and medication. Both of these options seemed frightening, but it was more frightening watching the deterioration. Cognitive Behavior Therapy with its rigid “tough love” system of rewards and punishments seemed so archaic, but it was…and still is…the only therapy that has been proven successful in treating OCD.
So there I was in the Fall of 2007, justifying my academic record by day and justifying the painful limitations I had to place on someone I deeply loved by night. The only one who got me through was Gloria. Thank God for Gloria...
Read the rest of this entry here and please feel free to leave a comment or story of your own midlife scavenger hunt adventures: My Midlife Scavenger Hunt: Demons and Muses
"That's so OCD" and other phrases we loathe...
I recently had the opportunity to guest post for the popular blog "The Modern Mama Memoirs" about the difficult realities of OCD. My blog is re-posted here.
One of the taboo phrases in our house is “That’s so OCD.” We hear it so much in schools, offices, and other public spaces. It’s become part of our common parlance—when someone checks several times to make sure the car door is locked, when someone washes their hands religiously before and after every meal, and when someone is generally too nit-picky or anal. But OCD is more than a phrase or an insult, it is a disorder we think we know because we see it in film and television. Jack Nicholson in “As Good as it Gets;” Tony Shalhoub in “Monk;” and Jayma Mays in “Glee”. While Hollywood may have good intentions, it often focuses on the quirky behaviors (compulsions) OCD causes without addressing the real internal torture and obsessions that a person with OCD experiences.
It is difficult to really understand this internal torture unless you’ve experienced it first hand. Unfortunately, it is something my family knows all too well. One of my loved ones had always been picky and precise. We noticed it getting much worse, and eventually a chain of life-altering events ignited the long-latent OCD. The psychologist described the OCD as “conflagration” and we watched the disease consume one of our dearest family members, making it nearly impossible for this loved one to enjoy life.
The psychologist and psychiatrist informed us that if there was a chance of recovering from the OCD, it would have to be through the combination of Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT) and medication. Both of these options seemed frightening, but it was more frightening watching the deterioration of someone so dear to us. Cognitive Behavior Therapy with its rigid “tough love” system of rewards and punishments seemed so archaic, but it was…and still is…the only therapy that has been proven successful in treating OCD. It is also called ERP which stands for Exposure and Response Therapy. We learned the hard way that OCD was not funny at all; it was internal torture. For the sufferer of OCD, it is as if there is an internal voice that compels destructive behaviors based on irrational obsessions to alleviate intense anxiety. The person with OCD knows these obsessions and compulsions are irrational but is gripped by the internal voice and its illusory promise of relief.
It requires exposing the person with OCD to what they are most anxious about so that they can prove to themselves and their internal OCD voice that they can tolerate the anxiety and that their fallacious assumption that world is coming to an end is not true. Thus for the OCD who is checker and cannot leave the house because she is afraid she left the burners on, she will have to gradually be forced to leave her house with the burners on. The OCD germaphobe may be forced to eat food from the floor.
CBT/ ERP is very painful for the person with OCD, forcing them to confront what they are most afraid of and what gives them short-term comfort (although like most addictions, it never lasts and they always need more). CBT/ ERP, however, is the only proven treatment that works and it can be more effective if coupled with medication. Our loved one got the help they needed and within just a few months the condition was dramatically improved. Everyone called it a miracle, but for the OCD community, it was a matter of course. Even though the results of CBT are so incredible, it is hard to see it through.
In addition to my wonderful husband and family, the main person who got me through was Gloria. Thank God for Gloria. She was born on the shores of Lake Michigan, where I would escape every morning to walk by the lake as I listened to Van Morrison and occasionally some Bob Dylan. Gloria’s name came from one of Van Morrison’s most famous songs, “Gloria” (performed prior to his solo career with his 1960s band, Them), and Zimmerman is a reference to the last name Bob Dylan was born with. She was a 22-year-old young woman with untreated OCD. In my mind, she helped me understand what my family was going through. She consoled me.
I have written a fiction account of Gloria, giving her the same happy ending we had. I was fortunate enough to get a New York agent on my first try. Publishers were very enthusiastic about the writing but they did not believe the depiction of OCD even though my book had been vetted by several prominent experts and lauded as “the first true depiction of OCD in fiction.” But it was so important that people really understand the internal torture of OCD and how it can be treated effectively so my husband and I formed our own independent Grant Place Press. The book has received rave reviews and there were will be several articles in prominent magazines.
Our society’s superficial understanding of OCD disregards the internal torture that people with OCD struggle with every day. They think they know OCD, judging friends and family and laughing at their ridiculous anal behavior. That’s so not OCD.
One of the taboo phrases in our house is “That’s so OCD.” We hear it so much in schools, offices, and other public spaces. It’s become part of our common parlance—when someone checks several times to make sure the car door is locked, when someone washes their hands religiously before and after every meal, and when someone is generally too nit-picky or anal. But OCD is more than a phrase or an insult, it is a disorder we think we know because we see it in film and television. Jack Nicholson in “As Good as it Gets;” Tony Shalhoub in “Monk;” and Jayma Mays in “Glee”. While Hollywood may have good intentions, it often focuses on the quirky behaviors (compulsions) OCD causes without addressing the real internal torture and obsessions that a person with OCD experiences.
It is difficult to really understand this internal torture unless you’ve experienced it first hand. Unfortunately, it is something my family knows all too well. One of my loved ones had always been picky and precise. We noticed it getting much worse, and eventually a chain of life-altering events ignited the long-latent OCD. The psychologist described the OCD as “conflagration” and we watched the disease consume one of our dearest family members, making it nearly impossible for this loved one to enjoy life.
The psychologist and psychiatrist informed us that if there was a chance of recovering from the OCD, it would have to be through the combination of Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT) and medication. Both of these options seemed frightening, but it was more frightening watching the deterioration of someone so dear to us. Cognitive Behavior Therapy with its rigid “tough love” system of rewards and punishments seemed so archaic, but it was…and still is…the only therapy that has been proven successful in treating OCD. It is also called ERP which stands for Exposure and Response Therapy. We learned the hard way that OCD was not funny at all; it was internal torture. For the sufferer of OCD, it is as if there is an internal voice that compels destructive behaviors based on irrational obsessions to alleviate intense anxiety. The person with OCD knows these obsessions and compulsions are irrational but is gripped by the internal voice and its illusory promise of relief.
It requires exposing the person with OCD to what they are most anxious about so that they can prove to themselves and their internal OCD voice that they can tolerate the anxiety and that their fallacious assumption that world is coming to an end is not true. Thus for the OCD who is checker and cannot leave the house because she is afraid she left the burners on, she will have to gradually be forced to leave her house with the burners on. The OCD germaphobe may be forced to eat food from the floor.
CBT/ ERP is very painful for the person with OCD, forcing them to confront what they are most afraid of and what gives them short-term comfort (although like most addictions, it never lasts and they always need more). CBT/ ERP, however, is the only proven treatment that works and it can be more effective if coupled with medication. Our loved one got the help they needed and within just a few months the condition was dramatically improved. Everyone called it a miracle, but for the OCD community, it was a matter of course. Even though the results of CBT are so incredible, it is hard to see it through.
In addition to my wonderful husband and family, the main person who got me through was Gloria. Thank God for Gloria. She was born on the shores of Lake Michigan, where I would escape every morning to walk by the lake as I listened to Van Morrison and occasionally some Bob Dylan. Gloria’s name came from one of Van Morrison’s most famous songs, “Gloria” (performed prior to his solo career with his 1960s band, Them), and Zimmerman is a reference to the last name Bob Dylan was born with. She was a 22-year-old young woman with untreated OCD. In my mind, she helped me understand what my family was going through. She consoled me.
I have written a fiction account of Gloria, giving her the same happy ending we had. I was fortunate enough to get a New York agent on my first try. Publishers were very enthusiastic about the writing but they did not believe the depiction of OCD even though my book had been vetted by several prominent experts and lauded as “the first true depiction of OCD in fiction.” But it was so important that people really understand the internal torture of OCD and how it can be treated effectively so my husband and I formed our own independent Grant Place Press. The book has received rave reviews and there were will be several articles in prominent magazines.
Our society’s superficial understanding of OCD disregards the internal torture that people with OCD struggle with every day. They think they know OCD, judging friends and family and laughing at their ridiculous anal behavior. That’s so not OCD.
Oxford Messed Up endorsed by OCD Chicago
OCD Chicago issued a press release endorsing
Oxford Messed Up
. The book comes out tomorrow, 11/17/11.
Chicago, IL (PRWEB) November 15, 2011—Susan Richman and OCD Chicago president Jeanne Ettelson will attend the publication launch party. Oxford Messed Up is the story of a couple’s journey from sickness to health and from fear to freedom. Oxford Messed Up will be available in hardcover, paperback, Kindle, iBooks and Nook editions.
Author Andrea Kayne Kaufman is a professor and attorney who earned a bachelor’s degree from Vassar College, a master’s degree in Education from Harvard University and her Juris Doctor from the University of Pennsylvania Law School. Oxford Messed Up, her first novel, promises to transport readers on a meaningful and emotional journey, where the academic world of Oxford is a backdrop for true learning, self-discovery, and transcendent love. The novel is research-based, and has been vetted by OCD experts, including OCD Chicago’s founder Susan Richman, who say it is one of the first novels to present the inner workings and treatment of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder accurately. Most depictions in fiction, television, and movies focus on OCD’s eccentric behavior and ignore the internal torture.
Praising Oxford Messed Up, Susan Richman stated, “Finally, a story that shows how powerful Cognitive Behavior Therapy really is, and a protagonist who is so much more than her OCD… This book accurately and finally portrays the recovery that is possible when OCD is treated correctly. Thank you, Andrea Kayne Kaufman, on behalf of all of us who struggle with anxiety, and on behalf of all of us searching for healing, growth and a beautiful love story!”
Susan A. Richman, J.D., the founder, past president and honorary chair of OCD Chicago, developed OCD very suddenly and severely at the age of 28 and could neither work nor live on her own during the three years in which she received ineffective treatment. She recovered after three weeks of exposure and response prevention therapy. Ms. Richman founded OCD Chicago so that others could learn about and access effective treatment without wasting years of their lives. Ms. Richman was graduated first in her class from Northwestern University with a degree in economics and was elected to Phi Beta Kappa Honor Society. She received her law degree from the University of California Hastings College of the Law, where she was elected to the Order of the Coif. She has practiced real estate law in Chicago and currently works in farm and ranch management.
Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) is the fourth most common psychiatric diagnosis, after phobias, substance abuse and major depression. The World Health Organization, the World Bank and Harvard University ranked OCD among the 10 leading causes of disability worldwide. It equally affects adults and children of all races, religions and socioeconomic backgrounds.
OCD Chicago, the leading provider of consumer resources to help sufferers cope with and conquer OCD, supports the informational and emotional needs of people with OCD, their families, educators, clergy, and the mental health professionals who treat them.
For more information on OCD Chicago or Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, visit www.ocdchicago.org. On its web site, the organization offers detailed facts about OCD, resources, expert perspectives, personal stories from individuals with OCD, and free, downloadable OCD Guides in English and Spanish for all age groups. People can also call OCD Chicago at 773-880-1635 to speak with someone knowledgeable about Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.
For immediate release
Contact Ellen Sawyer, Executive Director
773-880-1635
esawyer@ocdchicago.org
www.ocdchicago.org
OCD Chicago Joins Oxford Messed Up Book Launch
Summary: OCD Chicago founder and honorary chair Susan Richman endorsed Andrea Kayne Kaufman’s new book, Oxford Messed Up, a compelling love story about an individual with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder that will be published on November 17, 2011.
Chicago, IL (PRWEB) November 15, 2011—Susan Richman and OCD Chicago president Jeanne Ettelson will attend the publication launch party. Oxford Messed Up is the story of a couple’s journey from sickness to health and from fear to freedom. Oxford Messed Up will be available in hardcover, paperback, Kindle, iBooks and Nook editions.
Author Andrea Kayne Kaufman is a professor and attorney who earned a bachelor’s degree from Vassar College, a master’s degree in Education from Harvard University and her Juris Doctor from the University of Pennsylvania Law School. Oxford Messed Up, her first novel, promises to transport readers on a meaningful and emotional journey, where the academic world of Oxford is a backdrop for true learning, self-discovery, and transcendent love. The novel is research-based, and has been vetted by OCD experts, including OCD Chicago’s founder Susan Richman, who say it is one of the first novels to present the inner workings and treatment of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder accurately. Most depictions in fiction, television, and movies focus on OCD’s eccentric behavior and ignore the internal torture.
Praising Oxford Messed Up, Susan Richman stated, “Finally, a story that shows how powerful Cognitive Behavior Therapy really is, and a protagonist who is so much more than her OCD… This book accurately and finally portrays the recovery that is possible when OCD is treated correctly. Thank you, Andrea Kayne Kaufman, on behalf of all of us who struggle with anxiety, and on behalf of all of us searching for healing, growth and a beautiful love story!”
Susan A. Richman, J.D., the founder, past president and honorary chair of OCD Chicago, developed OCD very suddenly and severely at the age of 28 and could neither work nor live on her own during the three years in which she received ineffective treatment. She recovered after three weeks of exposure and response prevention therapy. Ms. Richman founded OCD Chicago so that others could learn about and access effective treatment without wasting years of their lives. Ms. Richman was graduated first in her class from Northwestern University with a degree in economics and was elected to Phi Beta Kappa Honor Society. She received her law degree from the University of California Hastings College of the Law, where she was elected to the Order of the Coif. She has practiced real estate law in Chicago and currently works in farm and ranch management.
Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) is the fourth most common psychiatric diagnosis, after phobias, substance abuse and major depression. The World Health Organization, the World Bank and Harvard University ranked OCD among the 10 leading causes of disability worldwide. It equally affects adults and children of all races, religions and socioeconomic backgrounds.
OCD Chicago, the leading provider of consumer resources to help sufferers cope with and conquer OCD, supports the informational and emotional needs of people with OCD, their families, educators, clergy, and the mental health professionals who treat them.
For more information on OCD Chicago or Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, visit www.ocdchicago.org. On its web site, the organization offers detailed facts about OCD, resources, expert perspectives, personal stories from individuals with OCD, and free, downloadable OCD Guides in English and Spanish for all age groups. People can also call OCD Chicago at 773-880-1635 to speak with someone knowledgeable about Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.
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