Kathleen Smith's Blog, page 28

From One New Year to Another

OK I know we celebrated the new year last week,well a couple of days ago, but in this weeks Blog I wanted to share the difference in how I spent last New Years compared to the start of this New Year. So here it is:

Last New Years Eve I spent the day with my family in Hospice saying good bye to my mom. It was a rough day. I either sat in a chair or leaned against my husband staring at my mom. When I finally got the courage up I walked over to her bed and held her hand. I massaged her hand with my thumb in hopes of a response. The best I got was one grunt. I kept my eyes focused on my moms face like I was memorizing every inch of it so I would have it fixed in my brain forever. When it was time to leave I gave my mom a kiss on her cheek and I told her “I love you always and forever”.

The next day New Years Day 2014 my husband and I were trying to decided if we should go back to Brooklyn to see my mom. We were extremely indecisive that day. That night at 7:00pm I received that dreaded phone call. It was my dad letting me know. Mom passed away. She was no longer with us. The tears started instantly and wouldn’t stop. I lost my mommy. I felt like an orphan. It was a horrible feeling. My husband and I drove to Brooklyn that night to be with my dad. It was a very strange feeling being in that apartment without my mom. I remember feeling cold all of a sudden and my dad gave me one of my mom’s sweaters to wear. I felt a certain comfort around me that night with her sweater on me and yet I was still very sad. That sweater is now mine. Last New Years Eve/Day was the worst I ever had.

Last week was completely different! Last week for New Year’s Eve my family and I went to see a movie during the day. At night we had a great time with our Church family. We went to one of their homes. Had some food and played some games. We watched the ball drop on TV with our friends and then we went home. That was a nice day! On this New Years Day 2015 my family and I went to the mall. I think this was the first New Years Day that we ever did that. It was something different to do and it was fun.

So my start to 2014 was drastically different from my start to 2015. 2014 had a very sad and emotional start. 2015 had a very good and fun start. I am hoping and praying that 2015 continues to be a good year!

Good Morning Lord!

Good morning,Lord! When I wake up in the morning the first thing I do is sit up,look up to the ceiling and I say “Good morning Lord!” Sometimes I thank Him for the day. Sometimes I don’t. Most days I look out my bed room window to see what it’s like out side. As I’m writing this blog I’m realizing that I shouldn’t just say “Good morning Lord” each morning. I should also be thanking Him for the day He has given me.

I didn’t always say Good morning to the Lord when I woke up in the mornings. This started a couple of years ago during a missions conference that my Church was having. Either that or because of one of my Pastor’s messages. I honestly don’t remember which one or what was said during that time. I just know something was said about God giving us each day that we have and to be thankful. From that time on I decided every morning that God graciously gives to me I would be thankful and say good morning to Him.

It isn’t something I just say either. I really am thankful for each day God gives me. I love having that moment in the mornings when I get to have that little talk with God and say good morning to Him. I think for now on I will also do my best to thank Him for each day that He gives to me as well.

So every morning I love to say “Good morning Lord!” What do you like to do every morning as soon as YOU get up?

Merry Christmas vs Happy Holidays

Merry Christmas vs Happy Holidays!

I have always loved saying Merry Christmas to people, but I noticed over the last couple of years I would also say Happy Holidays to people. Especially if that’s what they said to me first. I mean it was just as easy to say Happy Holidays as it was Merry Christmas, but it wasn’t as much fun to say.

This year I decided to do something different. I went to see Kirk Cameron’s movie Saving Christmas and I loved it. By the end of the movie I decided wherever I went, whatever store I went to I would wish someone a Merry Christmas. I have done this all month. When I was done paying for something I would wish the cashier a Merry Christmas. If I saw someone in passing I would wish them a Merry Christmas. If some said Happy Holidays to me I would reply with Merry Christmas.

Do you know what happened every time I wished someone a Merry Christmas this month? Their faces lit up, they smiled a big smile and they said “Merry Christmas to you too!” It was an awesome feeling to see those faces light up when they heard me say Merry Christmas to them! I wish more people would say Merry Christmas instead of Happy Holidays. Why? Because Merry Christmas has a much warmer feeling to it and it puts a smile on a persons face. So with that said.

Merry Christmas everyone!

Happy Birthday, Mom!

Happy Birthday, Mom! I wish I could call you this year to wish you a happy birthday. You would have been 74 years old this Wednesday, December, 3rd. I remember last year I managed to give you your birthday card a few days early when we went to visit you in the Hospital. Now, this year I’m wishing I could call you and talk to you on the phone. I know you would have had a great day with dad. Knowing the two of you there is a good chance you would have went into NYC.

I don’t know if they have any birthday celebrations in Heaven, but if they do I hope you celebrate yours. Just think mom this year your having your birthday with Jesus, Moses, David and countless others! As much as I wish you could be celebrating with us, I know that isn’t possible. So if they do celebrate birthday’s in Heaven make sure they remember yours. I will do my best on Wednesday to ask Jesus to give you a big hug from me. As long as I remember that is. You can consider it your birthday hug from me since I can’t give it to you here.

So as much as I love and miss you mom. I hope you have a very happy birthday in Heaven. Happy Birthday, Mom! I love you always and forever!

Happy Thanksgiving

I can’t believe Thanksgiving is this week! Normally I am very excited about celebrating Thanksgiving. I always look forward to celebrating with my family. I always enjoy being with my husband and our kids. I also loved celebrating with my parents when they could come to our house.

This year I’m having trouble getting into the holiday spirits. This is my first Thanksgiving with out my mom and it hurts me to know I can’t celebrate with her. My husband likes to remind me that we haven’t celebrated with her for the last two years. I remind him that even though technically that is true, I could still call her last year and the year before that. Those two years I could hear her voice and wish her a Happy Thanksgiving. I can’t do that this year. I am really feeling the emotion pain from that.

I know I have much to be thankful for this year and I truly am thankful. I am really hoping once Thursday morning gets here I will be in a celebrating mood. I really want to have fun this Thanksgiving with my husband and kids. I think at some point that day I will probably cry from missing my mom. I suppose that isn’t a bad thing and I know my husband will be there to hold me.

OK so with all that said. I really am hoping I have a Happy Thanksgiving (my husband says I should purpose in my heart to have a Happy Thanksgiving). I also hope ALL my readers have a very Happy Thanksgiving. I hope you all will have a great day with your families as well.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

Parties

Most of the time I like going to parties. I need to not be feeling good to not want to go to a party. On the other hand parties tend to make me a nervous wreck. That might sound strange,but it’s true.

Generally when a person goes to a party they make something to take. You know like a pie or a cake or maybe even cookies. When I start making the pies or what ever I get nervous. My first thought is what if what I make is a disaster or what if nobody likes it. This gets me really stressed.

Then sometimes there are going to be people at the party you don’t know. New people make me very nervous. I never know if I’m going to get along with them or if we are going to end up not liking each other at all. Usually I end up like some of the new people and have at least one thing in common with them. This puts me at ease.

So by the middle of the party I’m usually feeling pretty comfortable. By the end of the party I’m glad I went and had a good time. I’m usually feeling like all that stress before the party was worth it. At the same time it would be nice NOT to have to feel the stress to begin with.

A Pastor’s Resource

If you are a Pastor  I ask you to please read what I have to say:

If you are a Pastor, whether your Church be a big Church or a small Church. Have you ever thought about the women in your congregation?  Do you know there is a good chance that at least one of these women in your Church has had at least one miscarriage ? Do you know that there is a good chance that these women have never said a word to any one about their miscarriages? Do you know why?  In my experience most women think they are alone when it comes to having a miscarriage. They don’t realize how often other women have miscarriages and these other women don’t speak up either.

Here is another question for you. Do you have a Church Library or book store where your congregation can find books to read? Do you have any books on miscarriages for these women to read?

I personally have had 3 miscarriages. I have written a book about my miscarriages, how I dealt with them, how I went through the physical pain and the emotional pain and struggle.How I talked with my husband about how I was feeling, along with how he was feeling, How I prayed constantly to God for help. I share how through all this my marriage was strengthened.

I would ask that all you Pastor’s would please consider a copy of my book for your Church. I do believe my book could help the women and men in your Church as they go through their own miscarriages. I have two editions of my book. The first one is titled  “Marriages & Miscarriages: One Woman’s Personal Experience”. This first edition has 14 chapters that are very easy to read. This version has been read by many people and has been helpful to them as well. This version  has been available for about 3 years.

The revised edition of my book is titled  “Miscarriages: My Story” . In this revised edition I added another chapter which I called “Why Me?”  in this chapter I did my best to answer that question. because many women ask why they had to have their miscarriages.

So I ask all you Pastor’s to please consider a copy of my book for your Church Library or book store. I pray that my book will be able to help the women and their husband in each of your Congregations and help them get through their own miscarriages.

Thank you for your time.

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A Phone Call

Exactly one year ago this week I received a phone call. That phone call was from my mom. Normally I use to love hearing from my mom, but when my phone rang that morning something felt wrong. I remember answering it, hearing my mom’s voice, looking at the time and thinking to myself “this is an odd time of the day for my mom to be calling me”. My mom’s voice didn’t sound right to me that morning, but I couldn’t figure out what was wrong.

My mom then told me that she needed to go into the Hospital that day. When I asked her when that day, she said right now. When I asked her why, she told me her doctor needed to regulate her sodium and her potassium. This sounded simple enough to me so I asked her, “why doesn’t your doctor just change your prescriptions?”  All she said to me was “because he can’t , I have to go into the Hospital.” Since this didn’t make any sense to me, we ended up going back and forth with the same question and answer. I ended up very confused and my mom still sounded not right.

She tried to assure me that everything was alright with her, but I couldn’t shake that bad feeling. So I then decided to ask her if she thought she would be able to come to our house for Thanksgiving. She told me it shouldn’t be a problem as long as she is out of the Hospital early enough. Sadly my mom didn’t get better. She got worse. She didn’t get to come to my house for Thanksgiving last year. In fact she ended up being in the Hospital for two months. Her health went completely down hill and we lost her two months after that Phone Call.

 

My kids call me Mommy

It doesn’t matter how old my kids are I still loving hearing them call me “Mommy”. From my youngest to my oldest, I never get tired of hearing that name. Yeah, sometimes, well maybe most of the time they call me mom. But those times when they call me “Mommy” it always melts my heart.

It never really matters to me why they call me Mommy, I just love hearing it. Yeah, sometimes my son will call me Mommy when he wants me to make him something like a grilled cheese sandwich or if he wants something else from me. Sometimes my daughters will do the same thing to me if they want something from me. I have to be honest I really don’t mind when my kids do that (hahaha).

Then there are the times When I will surprise my kids with something that they have been wanting for awhile. Like when I finally decided to buy can of cheese spray, yes I said cheese spray, for my youngest and she got all excited and gave me this huge hug and says “thank you Mommy”. Or when I give my oldest something that I know she needed or wanted and she says “thank you Mommy”. I can even surprise my son sometimes with something he really likes and he says “thank you Mommy” to me. That one word will never ever get old to me. “Mommy” just has a very special sound to it.

Exercising: Better with Friends

I love exercising. I don’t like to exercise alone though. Over the years I have tried to exercise either with my husband or by myself. I love my husband dearly, but every time we would exercise together I would laugh more then anything else. When I would exercise on my own I would usually try to Zumba or find some kind of an exercise DVD to work out with. The DVD’s never kept my attention for very long. The Zumba I really enjoyed,but usually did alone at night while my family watched TV. I ended up giving up on that after awhile because I missed spending time with my family.

In the beginning of September I started exercising with one of my friends and some other ladies. When I first heard about this group, I thought it was worth giving a shot. I’m really glad I did. We get together two days a week for one hour. We have a great time together. We do our warm ups. Then we do our stretches, cardio, use our weights and then we do some Zumba. When that is all done we do our cooling down exercises. At least that’s what I call them.

This has been an awesome way to work out and make new friends. Even though we haven’t been doing this for a long time, I am slowly starting to see a difference in my body. That has me completely thrilled! I am very thankful for these ladies and the time we spend exercising together.