Amy Laurens's Blog, page 112

Motherheards #1: Cow Bottoms

At the school where I work, the yearbook has a section called 'Overheards', which is dedicated to random and amusing comments overheard in classrooms and playgrounds throughout the school year (such as one teacher explaining that he doesn't wear pyjamas to bed - naturally, the remarks are all totally out of context, and that's what makes them funny). 


Inspired by Emily Casey's Things I Never Said Before I Was A Mother, I'm introducing Motherheards, which is - well, a combination of the two. You may or may not find them amusing. I don't care*. They amuse me, and some days, that's all that keeps me sane O:) :D


* I do hope you'll be entertained, of course.


I don't know why we'd want to change your bottom for a cow. It would make it very hard to sit down.

L.A.O.S. Absolutely Ordinary: Ch 3A

Welcome to my experiment in public drafting, otherwise known as a serial novel! Find out more about the L.A.O.S. here, including ways to join in the fun, or start from the beginning. Please remember, this is copyrighted material; you may quote a couple of sentences in a review, but otherwise all rights are reserved.


Chapter 3 Part A


The next day we met in the same classroom to plan our ‘attack’ for the stupid maths trophy. The room was empty when I arrived, so I grabbed a chair by the window and closed my eyes.

Footsteps made me open them again, and Megan entered the room, tanned legs flexing under her school skirt as she walked. Very deliberately, I turned away.

“So,” she said, dropping into a chair and leaning forward over the desk. “Belief that things are possible – that’s one major element of what we’re trying to achieve here.”

I nodded. I’d spent most of last night holed up in my bedroom, practising phasing my hand through various objects; sinking it into the mirror was the coolest.

“But I have another theory, as well.” She stared at her hands. “See, it has to be more than just belief, otherwise why couldn’t anyone do it? Why haven’t people done it before now?”

I stared out the window at the basketball court where Nate and Horse were tossing a ball around – not playing, you understand, because cool people don’t actually commit to anything, including learning the skills it takes to actually play anything. Cool people just learn the most impressive-looking moves and string those together with a bunch of nonchalant poses designed to say, ‘Look at the awesome stuff I can do without trying.’ Which is the perfect excuse for not trying, right? Because if you’re that good without trying, clearly you’re so good that being good isn’t a challenge, so you’re not not-trying because you’re scared to fail, but because the whole idea bores you, because, like, whatever, man, I mastered that years ago.

Just sayin’.

Anyway, needless to say, I wasn’t exactly paying attention to Megan, so when she jabbed me in the arm I first of all winced – “Ow! Hey, what was that for?”

“For not paying attention, numbskull.”

And then I wondered what it would be like to phase through something alive. I shuddered. Ew.

“You’re still not listening!” Megan reached over and smacked me on the arm.

It hurt. “Ow!” I glared at her, rubbing my stinging bicep. “I’m listening!”

She rolled her eyes. “I said, what do we have that they” – she waved at the playground generally – “don’t?”

“You mean other than being ridiculously intelligent?” I said, still glaring.

“Well obviously that.” Megan squeezed her temples in one hand. “But that’s not enough, either. There have been other smart people in the world before us, you know.” She shot me a look that would have melted icicles.

I stared at her. “You’re really worked up about this, aren’t you?”

Megan shrugged. “I hate not understanding how people work.” She glanced at me and a faint blush coloured her cheeks. “I’m usually pretty good at it.”

I didn’t realise it then, but man, is that the understatement of the year.

“Yeah, but seriously, does it really matter? We can do it, yay, awesome, moving on. Why waste brain power stressing over why? Isn’t the whole point of this little group to figure out how? Saving the world and all that?” I laced my fingers behind my head and leaned back in my chair, sneaking glances at the guys not-playing basketball.

“You sound so convinced.”

I dragged my eyes away from the court. “So sue me,” I muttered. “I having friends, you know.”

I was saved from Megan’s response by the arrival of the rest of the little crew, and they quickly set about the business of boring me to death. Oh, sorry, I mean planning for the Maths event. Thrilling business.

After five minutes I’d had enough. I snatched the study sheet away from Greg and scanned down it. “Seriously, remind me why we are wasting time preparing for this?” I said as I calculated the answers to all but the fifth question.

Greg smacked me over the head and stole the sheet back. “Moron.”

“Because we want to win, Chris.” Megan sighed. “I know actually caring about things is a foreign concept for you, but—“

“But some of us actually give a fig about the world,” said Greg, interrupting loudly.

“I care about things!” I shot back.

“Oh yeah? What?” Greg folded his arms over his chest.

“Guys, can we just concentrate, please?” Pip waved the scribble paper in the air. “Please? We’ve only done three questions and the halfway bell--” The bell rang, and Pip sighed. “Is about to go.”

“Just a second,” Greg said, guiding Megan back into the chair she was standing up from. “I want to hear what Loserboy here has to say. So, tell me.” He stood with arms refolded. “What do you care about?”

I shoved myself out of my chair and stood, fists clenched by my sides. “I care about plenty of things, thanks.”

Greg snorted. “Yeah, like whether your tie is just loose enough to broadcast ‘rebel’ without being so loose you’ll get detention. Or, you know, whether or not your hair is perfectly ruffled. Here, let me help you with that.” He reached towards my head and I ducked.

“Boys,” Megan said warningly.

I shoved Greg aside and straightened out my shirt, self-consciously ignoring my tie. “Look, just because I don’t happen to be as passionate as you about some stupid Maths day doesn’t mean I don’t care about stuff. I care about stuff!”

“I’m still waiting on examples, numbskull.”

“Oh, come off it Greg. Just leave him alone and let us get back to studying, will you?” Megan pulled out the chair beside her and patted it. “I need your help with this one.”

Greg’s jaw twitched and I knew Megan had gone straight for the soft spot.

Excellent. Thank you, Megan, for showing me his weakness. “Aww, did you hear that Greg? Megan needs your help. You like to help, don’t you, tough guy? Like to feel all manly and protective and needed?”

His jaw worked furiously.

“Let it go, Greg,” Megan said softly, eyes sharp. “It’s not worth it.”

I tensed, expecting Greg to lunge at me again and calculating which way I could throw myself if he did.

Instead, he exhaled forcefully and relaxed his arms to his sides. “You’re wrong,” he said, turning to Megan. “It is worth it. Because if he can’t care about anything, he can’t be part of a team. If he doesn’t care about what we’re doing, why risk his neck? And if he doesn’t care about us, how can we trust him?” He shot me a sidelong glance before plonking down into the chair and grabbing the paper Matt had been writing on. “Here, where are you up to?”

Megan gave me a look as though wondering if Greg was right.

I do care, I wanted to say to her. I care about everything, more than anyone. But it’s too much and I can’t do anything about it anyway, so I have to lock it all away or I’ll drown. I care. I just don’t want to.

Instead, I shrugged, and walked away.

Amy Laurens (c) 2012   
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Introducing Sockboy; or, Why Minion Is No Longer Minion

This was what I promised to post last Saturday since I didn't post any L.A.O.S. Sadly, technical errors, etc etc. But! There is more L.A.O.S. for Friday, and you get ALL of Sockboy #1 today! Yay!

 Click to embiggen.

Read all of Sockboy #1: Sockboy and the Mystery of the Missing Sock!

Delays

Also, I know I owe you guys chapters of LAOS, and I know some of you are waiting impatiently for them. The last two weeks have been crazy - I was out of town last week helping prepare for Mum's 50th celebrations, and this week we are sick. 'We' thus far precludes the Minion, and I sincerely hope it continues to.

In the meantime, I have alternate entertainment for you that I'll post tomorrow morning ;)

Sorry! More LAOS coming next week, honest-to-goodness. <3

Think Sideways Last Call

Just a note that How To Think Sideways closes for good in its current form with all the extras at midnight tonight, the 15th of June. I can still offer the 20% rebate after today, but you won't get all the extras that the course currently comes with (How Not To Write A Series course, forum membership, complete walkthrough of the Think Sideways course, full text of several of Holly's draft novels, etc).

Thanks to those of you who've signed up with my link so far! :o)

Plugs of the Shameless Variety

In the spirit of things young and writerly (a NOT AT ALL blatant reference to the fact that you can still sponsor me in Camp NaNoWriMo - in? for? at? which preposition should be in that phrase?? - where your donation will go towards the Young Writers Program O:)), I'm also doing a promo today for the State Library of Queensland's Young Writers Award :)

It's a short story (<2500 words) comp open to writers aged 18 - 25 who live in Queensland, Australia, and first prize is $2,000. The State Library crew are Good People - I mean hi, they're librarians, and authors LOVE librarians - and the contest is definitely worth a look if you happen to fit the criteria. The contest closes July 13, and you can find out more info here.

Good luck, and remember, it's always awesome to support young writers! O:) :D

Camp NaNoWriMo and Ridiculous Videos

I love NaNoWriMo. It's the reason I wrote my very first novel, and it was the highlight of my writing year - until I started work fulltime as a teacher. November is final exams and report-writing season here in Aus, so it's pretty near impossible to get ANY writing done in November, let alone the 50k of NaNo.

Imagine my delight, then, when I discovered on June 1 (last week) that there's now a CAMP NaNoWriMo! It's the same principle as regular NaNoWriMo, but it runs in both June and August. Huzzah! Naturally, I signed up right away - with my usual caveat, that I cheat slightly. I'm not starting a fresh project, and I'm working on two things to get my wordcount - Sanctuary edits, and L.A.O.S. I may or may not actually hit the 50k, but it would mean that both of those projects would be complete, so it would be nice... *dreaming* O:)

BUT! You can help me hit the 50k! How? By providing motivation! Naturally, you can feel free to cheer me on as much as you like, and that's tremendously awesome. But this year, Camp NaNoWriMo-ers can also be sponsored, and the money will go towards the Young Writers Program. I ran this program at school last year during November, and watching 30 or so high school students meet three lunchtimes a week to write and have word sprints and dash to meet their goals... And to see at least 3/4 of them actually ACHIEVE their goals... And to have at least 5 of them reach goals of 50k... And for all this to be in the month of their FINAL EXAMS... Wow. It was a pretty awesome thing to witness. So needless to say, I am a BIG FAN of the Young Writers Program.

So, if you'd like to drop a dollar in the bucket, head on over to my sponsorship page - where you can also find my first ridiculous video. If we make it to $20 of donations (let's keep it simple for now :D), I'll do another one. Note also that donations are TAX DEDUCTIBLE - Office of Letters and Light is a registered not-for-profit.

Rah! *\o/*

Apparently, I Was Wrong...

So I got an email in my inbox... I feel a little silly now, but on the other hand, it's good news for you guys. Turns out I WILL be able to continue to offer the 20% rebate on all of Holly Lisle's products! Yay!

So if that was your only consideration, you don't have to worry about the June 15 deadline. If, however, you wanted to take advantage of all the OTHER bonuses - well, you still only have until June 15 ;)

Reviewer Demographics?

Reviewer demographics are bizarre things. I just noticed on Friday that my super-short story Certified has 4 x 5-star reviews plus 1 x 4-star review on Smashwords, and yet on Barnes & Noble, it has 3 x 4-star, 3 x 3-star, and 2 x 2-star. Also of note is the fact that all the Smashword reviews have comments, while only one of the B&N ones does. These trends - less, higher-star reviews on Smashwords with comments; more, lower-star reviews on B&N sans comments - bear out across all four of my free shorts.

Investigating further, I think you can leave reviews anonymously and without comments on B&N, but not on Smashwords, and on Smashwords you have to have purchased the book through them in order to be able to leave a review.

Not really sure where I'm going with this, because 4 books isn't really a sufficient sample size, esp when they're all flash fiction and free (which I think is a big factor in negative reviews - the cheaper something is, the more likely people who would never like that kind of fiction anywhere are to pick it up), but it's kind of interesting to see that on sites where you have to man up and identify yourself, reviews tend to be positive, and on sites where you can be anonymous they trend towards, well, not necessarily negative, although one or two are (at which I snicker), but definitely less glowing. More honest?? Who knows.

Anyway, random thoughts for the day. Anyone else noticed any trends like this?

Last Call for Think Sideways Discount

I mentioned a little while ago that the 12-month version of Holly Lisle's Think Sideways course, and I said I'd let you know when the 6-month one was disappearing. Well, the notice appeared in my inbox, and the official last day for signing up to Think Sideways in its current form is JUNE 15. That's two weeks from now.

Now, the course WILL be available after that on Kindle, B&N and other common ebook platforms. So why buy the course NOW, BEFORE June 15?

If you sign up before June 15, you will get the following advantages:
* 20% rebate of each month's cost when you sign up through my link and forward your receipt to me;
* 50% off the student bookstore;
* lifetime membership to the forums, which contain general discussions, workgroups for Think Sideways and the short courses, and the Resource Providers forum where you can find editors, cover designers, etc (worth $5/month, $30 total);
* Three-week course 'How Not To Write A Series', about doing really good standalones (that you could expand to a series if you wanted to later);
* The Think Sideways Walkthrough - Holly is doing the course herself as she writes Cadence Drake: Warpaint, and throwing up all her notes, including pages and pages from her workbooks, videos where she demos and explains techniques in greater detail, etc - this is HUGE, almost as big as the actual course itself;
* Complete copies of some of Holly's early drafts of certain novels, plus the edited version - I think from memory you get about four complete novels in various stages of drafting.

NONE of these things will be available without extra cost after June 15, and most of them won't be available at all. And I can personally vouch for the usefulness of all these things, except the forums, which I didn't use much because I was already a member of two other writing forums. However, if you want to hear what other people think about the usefulness of the forums, see **blog post here (**DON'T BUY THROUGH THAT LINK!!).

The walkthrough especially is insane value-adding.

So yeah. I love the course, it fundamentally changed the way I plan, plot, write and revise, and it vicariously changed my writing group as well. I go back to the course to refresh my memory on techniques, ideas, process at least a couple of times each novel.

And after June 15, I won't be able to give you 20% of the cost back. If you were ever considering it, now's the time to buy. All of the links in this post will get you the 20%, EXCEPT THE ONE LINKING TO THE BLOG POST. If you buy through that link without coming back and clicking through from here, I WILL NOT be able to give you the rebate.

(And remember, it's 100% guaranteed - you pay for each month up front, but you can quit at ANY time and you'll be REFUNDED for any lessons you haven't yet received, and you can keep all the lessons you HAVE received. So the minimum risk you're investing here is just under $17 to jump in, poke around the forums, check out the bookstore, and read lesson 1)