Thomas Pluck's Blog

Vyx Starts the Mythpocalypse

My latest novel, with illustrations by Kim Parkhurst, is now available!

WHAT IF on the worst day of your life, you also learned that all the folklore and myths you love were real? Vyx is a twelve-year-old kid who just wants to draw and be accepted for who they are—until their parents are dragged away by the government. Terrified, but determined, Vyx embarks on a rescue mission, journeying through a rapidly changing America where the unimaginable has become the everyday: wild weather, a frightening pandemic, avaricious dragons who attack the post office, talking foxes hungry for disco fries, and government officials who can suddenly do what their acronym says, and freeze families into blocks of ice.

The climate’s not the only thing that’s changing, and the system isn’t the only thing that’s broken: a rift between worlds has been opened, unleashing terrors and wonders. Armed with clues left by their father and survival gear collected by their mother, Vyx must travel across the country while facing increasingly unknown dangers and making fantastic allies, as they learn that the unbelievable doesn’t always mean the terrible. They will outsmart diabolical homeroom teachers and ravenous creatures from folklore, discover a magical faery world beneath us, and even sail with the living constellations of the night sky in order to restore their family and maybe even fix the world. 

Amazon Kindle

all other e-book formats – Apple, Kobo, Smashwords, Hoopla Library Borrowing, etc.

Barnes & Noble

Paperback with nearly three dozen full-color illustrations by artist Kim Parkhurst!

Signed Copies Available

Events Coming Soon!

Pre-order Vyx Starts the Mythpocalypse

Vyx Starts the Mythpocalypse

WHAT IF on the worst day of your life, you also learned that all the folklore and myths you love were real? Vyx is a twelve-year-old kid who just wants to draw and be accepted for who they are—until their parents are dragged away by the government. Terrified, but determined, Vyx embarks on a rescue mission, journeying through a rapidly changing America where the unimaginable has become the everyday: wild weather, a frightening pandemic, avaricious dragons who attack the post office, talking foxes hungry for disco fries, and government officials who can suddenly do what their acronym says, and freeze families into blocks of ice.

The climate’s not the only thing that’s changing, and the system isn’t the only thing that’s broken: a rift between worlds has been opened, unleashing terrors and wonders. Armed with clues left by their father and survival gear collected by their mother, Vyx must travel across the country while facing increasingly unknown dangers and making fantastic allies, as they learn that the unbelievable doesn’t always mean the terrible. They will outsmart diabolical homeroom teachers and ravenous creatures from folklore, discover a magical faery world beneath us, and even sail with the living constellations of the night sky in order to restore their family and maybe even fix the world. 

Pre-order now for Amazon Kindle

Pre-order in all other e-book formats such as Barnes & Noble, Kobo, and Smashwords.

Pre-order soon in Paperback and Hardcover with nearly three dozen full-color illustrations by artist Kim Parkhurst:

Signed Copies Available

I can’t blame the supply chain, my publisher accidentally sent these to my old address. Sarah and I picked them up on Thanksgiving, and I was very thankful to finally hold this beautiful book in my hands. That purple cover? It’s Plum Crazy, the paint code of Jay Desmarteaux’s banged-up ’71 Challenger from Bad Boy Boogie. He’s still driving it in the sequel, as he heads home to Louisiana to find his family… and comes home to hell.

This book captures everything I love about Louisiana—the people, the cultures, the food, the stunning landscape, the music—and everything I don’t, like the corrupt carceral system, Angola prison, and the festering hatred of some of its denizens. It begins at the monument to the slaughter of Bonnie & Clyde, and ends at the Wildest Show in the South, the Angola prison rodeo, and is a full-on blast from Bourbon Street to the Bayou in between. You can read the first chapter at Criminal Element.

I also have copies of the first book, Bad Boy Boogie, and Blade of Dishonor, my first novel, an adventure set in modern-day America and Japan, and on the European front in World War 2. The one BookPeople calls “The Raider of the Lost Ark of pulp paperbacks.” The links go to excerpts so you can have a taste.

I am sorry but I can’t ship overseas or to Canada at this time, as the charges are just too high. If you want me to get a shipping quote, email me using the Contact Form.

If you get it from your local bookshop, send me a photo of you with the book and I’ll mail you a signed card, free of charge.

I can take Paypal or Venmo or even a cheque. Contact me here.

One book, with media mail shipping to the US: $22.95

Any two books: $45

All 3 books: $60

An ode to the vanishing char-broiler

My love of burgers started in the womb. My mother used to send my father for grilled hot dogs, burgers, and fried clams at the Three Acre Grill in Lyndhurst, a grease pit lost to urban development. /The photo is from the ’40s, when dining and dancing were offered; by the late ’60s it was less fancy. Beef patties broiled crisp, frankfurters seared with grill marks, that blend of tantalizing char and rich fat melted under flame. Science has proven it is more addictive than cocaine, but at least it won’t make you look like these guys.
Growing up, we’d stop for a summer treat at one of Route 3’s many char-broil grills. The long-gone Red Chimney was my favorite, with its ridiculous ’50s-era smokestack and counter-top dining. When it was gone, the historically named Anthony Wayne, after Revolutionary War Brigadier General “Mad” Anthony Wayne, took its place. They seared their thin patties on what fry cooks would call a “salamander,” a brutally hot grill that finished burgers in minutes, then they slapped them on gummy white hamburger buns. You could get American or cheddar, but the hot burger relish was what made them memorable to me. They served orange whips and the usual deep-fryer fare, but the burgers with their crisp, carcinogenic broiled crust were the star.
The Anthony was in a horrible location in the armpit of where three major highways merged, and required dodging multiple lanes of traffic full of mall-seeking moms and teenagers headed for their driving tests at the Wayne DMV. You truly risked death to get one of their burgers, and it made them taste even better. You’d want one for the road, wrapped in wax paper. The little cozy restaurant was decorated log cabin style with pictures of the Mad General and his exploits. I bet in the old days they had fake flintlocks and Daniel Boone accessories festooning the rafters with the odd ratty stuffed raccoon. It too, has been relegated to Jersey grease stain history.
So when I was driving to High Point State Park for a hike with Firecracker and saw the garish brown and orange cabin decor of The Elias Cole, I knew I had to stop there for a bite. I’d seen the place years ago when I hiked there with Milky, but we were broke and they take CASH ONLY. Wow, they really take this retro thing seriously, don’t they? Inside, we grabbed a booth and were served by friendly waitresses wearing bunny ears, for the Easter holiday. It was like stepping back in time to my char-broil days of youth- I prefer that term to “salad days.” The menu was simple: burgers, franks, shrimp in a basket; the char-broil staples. This being Saturday, they had dinner specials of hot roast beef, chicken or pork with mashed potatoes and gravy, and several older couples were there to partake of the plates piled high with meat-stuffs. We of course, went for the cheeseburgers.
They come on a freshly baked French sandwich roll, and they make the burger shaped to fit it. It’s capsule shaped, and seared with a fine grill crust that brings memories of summer when you bite into it. Just juicy enough and full of classic beef flavor, topped with two slices of American cheese melted to the roll and optional lettuce, tomato, and pickle, this is a classic roadstand burger with great taste. The roll really helps, crisp on the outside and still soft enough to absorb juices and squish down to make the burger easily edible. They also make great fries, standard and sweet potato. In fact, the sweets are some of the best I’ve had, better than the Cloverleaf Tavern, my previous fave.
You owe it to yourself to visit the highest point in the state of New Jersey- 1800 feet above sea level, and home to the Veteran’s obelisk monument- and then drive on down to the Elias Cole on Route 23 for a burger. Who’s Elias Cole? I don’t know. It’s not the name of the current owners. But it’s a fitting name for a classic char-broiler joint like this. It rings of the ’50s era frontier revival that these roadside restaurants thrived in. Some googling suggests he lead an Ohio regiment of volunteers in the Civil War. Next time I’ll ask.
Some other char-broils I recall are St.Paul’s excellent St. Clare Broiler, where I used to get liver and onions with Deneen “The Neener” Gannon in my Twin Cities days; she loved a good diner and the St. Clare reminded me of Jersey. One I have yet to try is the Montclair Char-Coal Broil on Valley Road, which is newer but has the right style. They’re a dying breed, killed off by fast food chains that barely serve things that can be called meat anymore. Do your mouth a favor and visit one of these anachronisms while they remain, and remember what a burger was supposed to taste like.
But most importantly, if you visit High Point State Park, be on the watch for zombies and vampires, which infest the place:

http://maps.google.com/maps?f=q&source=s_q&hl=en&geocode=&q=elias+cole,+sussex+nj&sll=42.209587,-70.923657&sspn=0.04571,0.062656&ie=UTF8&hq=elias+cole,&hnear=Sussex,+NJ&z=12&iwloc=A&cid=733807904828223293&ll=41.305924,-74.631844&output=embed
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© 2010 Thomas Pluck.

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Fox Child Running

Fox Child Running is my serial short novel on my Patreon page. This one is a pandemic fantasy of our slow apocalypse, of darkness and hope, as young Vix travels across a strange and familiar America after their parents are taken. You can read the first ten chapters for free. That lovely art of Vix and their friends Tod the fox and mags the Magpie is by Kim Parkhurst.

Patrons can read all chapters of the story. We’re up to chapter 17, with a new one every Sunday. It was inspired by the below art piece by Asha Ganpat, which she made into postcards that I’m sending to new patrons who join at the Monthly Missive tier or higher. You get other fun stuff on my patreon, like a Harshly Worded Letter, Fart Haiku postcards, monthly personalized micro-fiction postcards, or even a book from my library.

I’ve finished editing the next Jay Desmarteaux book, The Boy from County Hell, which will be published by Down & Out Books by the end of 2021, but I needed something else to work on, and this story barked out to be told.

Enjoy, if you like…

Fox Girl Running

I’ve begun a serial short novel on my Patreon page.

Fox Girl Running is a tale of the slow apocalypse, as Vix travels across a strange and familiar America after their parents are taken. You can read the first chapter for free here.

Patrons at the Foxy Donuts tier and higher can read all chapters of the story. We’re up to chapter three, with a new one every Sunday. It was inspired by the below art piece by Asha Ganpat, which she made into postcards that I’m sending to new patrons who join at Glad Tidings or higher. You get other fun stuff on my patreon, like a Harshly Worded Letter, Fart Haiku postcards, monthly personalized micro-fiction postcards, or even a book from my library.

I’m still editing the next Jay Desmarteaux book, The Boy from County Hell, which will be published by Down & Out Books, but I needed something else to work on, and this story barked out to be told.

Enjoy, if you like…

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SEEN, READ 2020

I really liked this idea by Steven Soderbergh, so I’ll be updating this post all year. I used to use GoodReads and NetFlix to keep track, but that’s not complete, and it can disappear at corporate whim. This can too, but less likely.

All caps, bold: MOVIE
bold: concert, show, other event
All caps: TV SERIES
Italics: Book or Comic Book
Quotation marks: “Play” / “Broadway Show” LOL what are those?
Italics, quotation marks: “Short Story” or “Poem”(all this shit stole from Steven Soderbergh)

1/1
SCHITT’S CREEK (S3 1-6)
Mr. Know-it-All: The Tarnished Wisdom of a Filth Elder, by John Waters.
1/2
Criminal #11
1/3
FAT GIRL
1/5
HUSTLERS
1/6
“Ride-Along”, Ron Riekki (Akashic: Mondays are Murder).
1/7
DARE ME 2
1/8
“Playing Metal Gear Solid V: The Phantom Pain”, Jamil Jan Kochai (The New Yorker).
1/9
“The Porcupine Method”, J. Danielle Dorn (Tough Crime).
THE MANDALORIAN (6 7 8)
1/10
HARRY AND THE HENDERSONS
MAXIMUM OVERDRIVE
1/12
READY OR NOT
1/13
DARE ME 3.
THE IN-LAWS (1979)
1/15
Sing, Unburied, Sing, by Jesmyn Ward.
1/16
“Found Wanting,” Douglas Stuart (The New Yorker)
“I Sexually Identify as an Attack Helicopter,” Isabel Fall (Clarkesworld)
SEIS MANOS S1 1-2
1/18
THE ULTIMATE WARRIOR (1975)
SCHITT’S CREEK S3 6-13, S4 1-2.
1/20
SCHITT’S CREEK S4 2-7.
1/21
“Visitor,” by Bryan Washington (The New Yorker)
TWIN PEAKS S1 PILOT.
1/22
“God,” by Ben Loory (BOMB Magazine)
TWIN PEAKS S1 2-3
1/23
“A Girlfriend’s Guide to Gods,” by Maria Dahvana Headley (TOR)
NO BLADE OF GRASS
1/26
SEIS MANOS (S1 3-8)
1/27
The Writing Life, by Annie Dillard.
1/28
LITTLE WOMEN (2019)
1/29
GEORGE CARLIN: IT’S BAD FOR YA
1/30
“Sussex, Essex, Wessex, Northumbria,” by Brandon Taylor (Oprah Magazine)
ONCE UPON A TIME… IN HOLLYWOOD
2/1
FORD V FERRARI. DARE ME 4.
2/2
THE MALTESE FALCON (1941)
1917
Criminal #12
2/3
The Way We Die Now, by Charles Willeford
2/4
“King of the Blue Rose,” by William R. Soldan (Tough Crime)
“Killer Roll,” by Naomi Hirahara (Discover Nikkei)
Goliath, by Tom Gauld
JOKER
2/5
“Things We Worried About When I Was Ten,” by David Rabe (New Yorker)
Islands Linked by Ocean, by Lisa Linn Kanae
SCHITT’S CREEK S4 3-10
2/6
THE JUNIPER TREE
I WALK ALONE (1947)
2/7
“Turistas,” by Hector Acosta (¡Pa’Que Tu Lo Sepas!)
“The Bones of Rio Rico,” by David Bowles (¡Pa’Que Tu Lo Sepas!)
2/8
Goliath, by Tom Gauld
2/9
HAIR LOVE
HARRIET
2/10
“Deportees,” by James Lee Burke (The Strand)
“Carnival,” by Laura Benedict (The Strand)
2/11
SCHITT’S CREEK S4 11-13, S5 1-2
2/12
THE LAST BLACK MAN IN SAN FRANCISCO
DARE ME 6
2/13
“The Lost Performance of the High Priestess of the Temple of Horror,” by Carmen Maria Machado (Granta)
2/14
BLINDED BY THE LIGHT
2/15
“Girls Without Their Faces On,” by Laird Barron
“Thin Cold Hands,” by Gemma Files
“Shit Happens,” by Michael Marshall Smith (The Best Horror of the Year Volume Eleven)
2/16
City of Margins, by William Boyle
I Kind of forgot for a few weeks so here’s a summation…
2/20
BAXTER
2/21
MEL BROOKS: UNWRAPPED
DARE ME 7
TWIN PEAKS S1 4 5
2/24
Briarpatch, by Ross Thomas
BETTER CALL SAUL S5 1 2
BRIARPATCH 1 2
THE NIGHTINGALE (did not finish)
DEATH OF A SALESMAN (did not finish)
“Sand People,” by Maria Lioutaia (One Story)
“Lethe,” by Leanna James Blackwell (True Story)
2/29
YELLA
3/2
CABARET (1972)
3/3
Agency, by William Gibson
BETTER CALL SAUL S5 3
DARE ME 8
BETTER THINGS S4 1 2 3
3/4
“With the Beatles,” by Haruki Murakami. (The New Yorker
3/6
PORTRAIT OF A LADY ON FIRE
And I Do Not Forgive You, by Amber Sparks
3/7
THE COLOUR OUT OF SPACE
3/8
The Lost Bayou Ramblers and Poguetry at Rough Trade NYC
3/9
“Allocthon,” by Livia Llewellyn (The Best of the Best of the Horror of the Year, ed. Ellen Datlow)
DARE ME 9 10
3/10
“Paper Menagerie,” by Ken Liu (Gizmodo/Magazine of Fantasy & SF)
3/12
Jack Waters, by Scott Adlerberg
3/13
“You Will Not Be Forgotten,” by Mary South (The New Yorker)
JOHN WICK 3: PARABELLUM
3/14
BETTER CALL SAUL S5 E4
BETTER THINGS S4 4
3/15
SCHITT’S CREEK S5 8-12
Dreyer’s English, by Benjamin Dreyer.
3/16
SCHITT’S CREEK S6 1-4
3/17
VIDEODROME
SCHITT’S CREEK S6 5-7
3/18
IN A LONELY PLACE
3/19
TWIN PEAKS S1 6-7
3/20
“The Promised Hostel,” by Mary South (The Baffler)
TWIN PEAKS S1 8 (finale) S2 1
3/21
Fleishman is in Trouble, by Taffy Brodesser-Akner
THE ANDERSON TAPES
3/22
CREATURE FROM THE BLACK LAGOON
3/23
Broken, by Don Winslow
BETTER CALL SAUL S5 5
BETTER THINGS S4 5
3/24
VAGABOND
SCHITT’S CREEK S6 8-11
3/25
Ronald Rabbit is a Dirty Old Man, by Lawrence Block
3/26
HISTORY OF THE WORLD PART I
3/27
STUBER
3/28
THE TIGER KING 1
MANDY
3/29
THE RUNNING MAN
BETTER CALL SAUL S5 6
BETTER THINGS S4 6
THE TIGER KING 2 3
3/30
L’ATALANTE
BETTER CALL SAUL S5 7
THE TIGER KING 4 5 6
3/31
EATING RAOUL
THE TIGER KING 7
SCHITT’S CREEK S6 12
4/1
TWIN PEAKS S2 2 3
4/2
TWIN PEAKS S2 4
4/3
THE DECAMERON
PATHER PANCHALI
4/4
“Love Letter,” by George Saunders (The New Yorker)
“Bullet in the Brain,” by Tobias Wolff
BETTER THINGS S4 7
4/5
Cutting Edge: New Stories of Mystery and Crime by Women Writers, edited by Joyce Carol Oates
LOCAL HERO
4/6
GAS, FOOD, LODGING
4/7
THE LONG DAY CLOSES
QUEEN & SLIM
“The Everest Society,” by Shannon Sanders (OneStory)
4/8
SOLARIS (1972)
4/9
TEX AVERY’S SCREWBALL CLASSICS VOL.1
SCHITT’S CREEK S6 13-14
You Will Never Be Forgotten, by Mary South
4/10
The Burglar in Short Order, by Lawrence Block
Things from the Flood, by Simon Stålenhag
The Recently Deflowered Girl: The Right Thing to Say on Every Dubious Occasion, by Edward Gorey
4/11
UNCUT GEMS
Prisoner 489, by Joe R. Lansdale
4/12
THE LITTLE PRINCE (2015)
The Banks, by Roxane Gay, Ming Doyle.
4/13
TEKKONKINKREET
BETTER CALL SAUL S5 8
BETTER THINGS S4 8
4/15
TOM & JERRY SPOTLIGHT COLLECTION VOL.3
THE COOK, THE THIEF, HIS WIFE, AND HER LOVER
“Snakes in the Lobby,” by Amie Barrodale (Ploughshares)
4/16
FROM HELL IT CAME
NIGHTFALL
4/17
“I Happy Am,” by Jamel Brinkley (Ploughshares)
4/18
“How to Make a Monster,” by Nyssa Chow (Ploughshares)
THE SERPENT AND THE RAINBOW
4/19
SCARY STORIES TO TELL IN THE DARK
CATS
4/20
BETTER CALL SAUL S5 9
BETTER THINGS S4 9
4/21
The Grand Dark, by Richard Kadrey
BETTER CALL SAUL S5 10
4/23
PALE FLOWER
Patience, by Daniel Clowes
BETTER THINGS S4 10
4/24
“The Smart House of Mrs. O,” by Lincoln Michel (Granta)
HARVEY
4/26
9 TO 5
SALESMAN
4/28
MOTHERLESS BROOKLYN
4/29
RAISING ARIZONA
4/30
HAROLD AND MAUDE
PARKS AND RECREATION QUARANTINE SPECIAL
5/1
BETTER THINGS S4 11
FLESH GORDON
CLOSE ENCOUNTERS OF THE THIRD KIND
5/2
STAR WARS: THE RISE OF SKYWALKER
5/3
Shuggie Bain, by Douglas Stuart
PHASE IV
5/4
MY LIFE AS A DOG
5/8
THE MUPPET MOVIE
The Darkling Halls of Ivy, edited by Lawrence Block
5/10
PASSION FISH
5/12
Dead Girl Blues, by Lawrence Block
BLOOD QUANTUM
5/13
THE STATION AGENT
5/15
LITTLE FUGITIVE
5/16
Have a Good Trip: Adventures in Psychedelics
5/17
RUBBER
5/18
The Giant’s House, by Elizabeth McCracken
5/22
DOWN IN THE DELTA
5/23
HISTORY IS MADE AT NIGHT
THE LOVEBIRDS
5/25
French Exit, by Patrick Dewitt
5/27
DOWN BY LAW
5/28
A HIDDEN LIFE
FLEABAG S1 1-6
5/29
FLEABAG S2 1-6
5/30
Blacktop Wasteland, by S.A. Cosby
6/1
THE PEANUT BUTTER FALCON
6/4
Worse Angels, by Laird Barron
6/5
WISE BLOOD
6/12
POLICE STORY
POLICE STORY 2
6/13
SMILEY FACE
6/14
WHAT WE DO IN THE SHADOWS S1 1-4
6/16
City of Lost Fortunes, by Bryan Camp
“Of Mice and Manny,” by Todd Robinson (Beat to a Pulp)
6/18
“Confessions of a Shinagawa Monkey,” by Haruki Murakami (New Yorker)
6/19
WHAT WE DO IN THE SHADOWS S1 5-10
“White Noise,” by Emma Cline (New Yorker)
6/23
SERIAL MOM (commentary with John Waters and Kathleen Turner)
6/26
THE NEW LOONEY TUNES S1-10
That Texas Blood #1, by Chris Condon and Jacob Phillips
6/27
GO FOR SISTERS
6/30
American Spy, by Lauren Wilkinson
7/2
Butcher’s Moon, by Richard Stark
ALL OF ME
7/3
HAMILTON: THE MUSICAL
7/4
XANADU
7/5
SUPERMAN: THE MOTION PICTURE
7/6
Weather, by Jenny Offill
7/8
TIGERS ARE NOT AFRAID
7/9
The Cabin at the End of the World, by Paul G. Tremblay
7/10
WHAT WE DO IN THE SHADOWS S2 1-8
7/11
WHAT WE DO IN THE SHADOWS S2 9-10
7/13
DIRTY DANCING
7/14
PLAYTIME
7/15
TIGERLAND
7/16
LOST HIGHWAY
7/17
THE SILENCE OF THE LAMBS
7/18
M. HULOT’S HOLIDAY
MON ONCLE
EMPIRE RECORDS
7/19
Claire of the Sea Light, by Edwidge Danticat
7/20
TRESPASS AGAINST US
7/22
APOLLO 11
Gretchen, by Shannon Kirk
7/23
THE BLACK HOLE
7/25
Gun Street Girl, by Adrian McKinty
7/26
The Fuck-Up, by Arthur Nersesian
7/28
POLICE ACADEMY
7/30
ARTHUR (1981)
8/7
JUST MERCY
8/8
Bad Mother #1 by Christa Faust and Mike Deodato
DON’T WORRY, HE WON’T GET FAR ON FOOT
8/9
Night. Sleep. Death. The Stars, by Joyce Carol Oates
8/10
“Fate and Ruin,” by Mary Grimm. (One Story)
8/11
Pulp, by Ed Brubaker and Sean Phillips
8/16
LOVECRAFT COUNTRY E1
“The Whores Go Down With the Stars,” by Sarah Jilek (Tough Crime)
8/17
“Pulling,” by R. D. Sullivan (Tough Crime)
8/18
Lovecraft Country, by Matt Ruff
8/22
DRESSED TO KILL
8/23
LOVECRAFT COUNTRY E2
8/26
The Woman Warrior: Memoirs of a Girlhood Among Ghosts, by Maxine Hong Kingston
8/28
BILL AND TED FACE THE MUSIC
8/29
Little Fox, by Edward van de Vendel and Marije Tolman
BLACK PANTHER
8/30
The Code of the Woosters, by P. G. Wodehouse
LOVECRAFT COUNTRY E3
9/1
Tricky, by Josh Stallings
9/2
JEEVES AND WOOSTER S1 1 2
9/3
“The Weddings,” by Alexander Chee (Kindle single)
9/4
BIRDS OF PREY
9/5
THUNDERPANTS
9/6
LOVECRAFT COUNTRY E4
9/7
The Decameron, by Giovanni Boccaccio
JEEVES AND WOOSTER S1 3 4 5
9/14
LOVECRAFT COUNTRY E5
9/15
THE MULE (2014)
9/18
CLASS ACTION PARK
9/19
Bad Mother #2, by Christa Faust and Mike Deodato
THE DEVIL ALL THE TIME
9/20
The Unexpected Universe, by Loren Eiseley
Beowulf: A New Translation, by Maria Dahvana Headley
“Evidence,” by Kaitlin Greenidge (Georgia Review)
That Texas Blood #2 #3, by Chris Condon and Jacob Phillips
9/22
LOVECRAFT COUNTRY E6
9/24
Frog and Toad: A Little Book of Big Thoughts, by Arnold Lobel
FREE SOLO
9/25
THE MAN WHO KILLED DON QUIXOTE
9/27
The Country of Ice Cream Star, by Sandra Newman
“The Rest of Us,” by Jenzo DuQue (One Story)
Griffin & Sabine, by Nick Bantock
9/28
LOVECRAFT COUNTRY E7
9/29
The Best American Science and Nature Writing 2019, edited by Sy Montgomery and Jaime Green
The Secret Lives of Color, by Kassia St. Clair
10/4
The Night Will Find Us, by Matthew Lyons
10/5
A Pocketful of Crows, by Joanne M. Harris
LOVECRAFT COUNTRY E8
10/11
The Fisherman, by John Langan
10/12
LOVECRAFT COUNTRY E9
10/13
Generally Speaking: All 33 columns, plus a few philatelic words from Keller, by Lawrence Block
WIN WIN
10/20
LOVECRAFT COUNTRY E10
10/21
Just Us: An American Conversation, by Claudia Rankine
10/22
“Bog Girl,” by Karen Russell (The New Yorker)
Luster, by Raven Leilani
10/24
If Not, Winter: Fragments of Sappho, by Anne Carson
Bad Mother #3 by Christa Faust and Mike Deodato
BILL & TED’S EXCELLENT ADVENTURE
BILL & TED’S BOGUS JOURNEY
10/25
“The Bad Kind of Puppy,” by Rita Chang-Eppig (The Rumpus)
The Man of Steel vol. 1, by Brian Michael Bendis
10/26
The Hidden Life of the Fox, by Adele Brand
10/28
All We Can Save: Truth, Courage, and Solutions for the Climate Crisis, edited by Dr Ayana Elizabeth Johnson and Dr Katharine K. Wilkinson
10/29
ANIMALYMPICS
10/30
“A Scary Halloween Story,” by Howard Mittelmark (The Awl)
SLAYGROUND
BORAT SUBSEQUENT MOVIEFILM
10/31
Wytches vol. 1, by Scott Snyder and Jock
11/2
Split Tooth, by Tanya Tagaq
11/3
LET THE SUNSHINE IN
BIG TIME

Fox Girl Running

I’ve begun a serial short novel on my Patreon page.

Fox Girl Running is a tale of the slow apocalypse, as Vix travels across a strange and familiar America after their parents are taken. You can read the first chapter for free here.

Patrons at the Foxy Donuts tier and higher can read all chapters of the story. We’re up to chapter three, with a new one every Sunday. It was inspired by the below art piece by Asha Ganpat, which she made into postcards that I’m sending to new patrons who join at Glad Tidings or higher. You get other fun stuff on my patreon, like a Harshly Worded Letter, Fart Haiku postcards, monthly personalized micro-fiction postcards, or even a book from my library.

I’m still editing the next Jay Desmarteaux book, The Boy from County Hell, which will be published by Down & Out Books, but I needed something else to work on, and this story barked out to be told.

Enjoy, if you like…

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Darby O’Gill and the Little People

Oh singin’s no sin, and drinkin’s no crime, if you have one drink only, just one at at a time.

As an adult, The Quiet Man (full review) is my favorite Irish fantasy, but as a kid, nothing could beat Darby O’Gill and the Little People. Sean Connery with fearsome eyebrows as a young man taking over the job of Darby as groundskeeper, because the old feller sees leprechauns a little too often. Well, being a Disney movie he ain’t drunk or crazy. And for the ’50s, the effects are pretty impressive. Enough to keep our little butts planted in front of the boob tube every St. Patrick’s Day.

Darby holdin’ court at the pub

Between this and The Gnome-Mobile (based on a book by Upton Sinclair, of all people) Disney had the short people racket cornered, and we loved it. Darby O’Gill’s story is simple- we’re thrust into a picaresque Irish village, where Darby tells tall tales at the pub every night about the faerie folk while his daughter pines away for a husband. He’s getting on in years and chews the fat more than he cuts the turf, so his employer forces him into retirement, bringing in a young and sturdy replacement as the new caretaker. That’s a job wanted by mean old lady Sugrue for her bully of a son Pony Sugrue, and she begins conniving forthwith against newcomer Michael McBride.

“Marry me, and I’ll stop singing!”

That’s Sean Connery, a few years before Bond, and a perfect catch for Katie O’Gill (cutie Janet Munro, Bertie from Swiss Family Robinson, who died far too young). She’s a bit fiery and distant until she catches him singing while swinging the scythe with his manly arms. It’s almost unfortunate that this is a Disney movie, because Connery looks like he’s barely able to contain his devilish demeanor. With his expressive eyebrows and grin, we expect a shotgun wedding any moment, but he’s a perfect gentleman.

She needs a man, she’s been churnin’ that thing all day.

The story begins in earnest when Darby tells the pub how he once caught the King of the Little People, King Brian, up at the castle ruins on the hill one evening. He even got his wish of a crock of gold, before he was tricked into making a fourth, and forfeit them all. But King Brian hasn’t forgotten him- and when he learns that he’s being put out to pasture, he puts a glamor on Darby’s horse so he knocks him down a well that leads to the land of the Little People. Down there, the King tells him he must stay forever. Thus begins the best part of the story- how the 4,000-year old king of the leprechauns and clever old gaffer Darby O’Gill, as they continually trick each other.

insert Fiddler’s fart joke here

First Darby has to trick his way out to the real world again, and once he does, he needs to keep King Brian (the perfectly cast Jimmy O’Dea) from dragging him back, so they have a whiskey-drinking and rhyming contest till dawn. Once there’s daylight, the leprechaun’s powers are gone, and Darby just needs to sic the barn cat on him to get his way. From then on he’s got the king in a sack, and the battle is on to see if he can get any of his wishes before the King can make him waste them all! It’s great fun, interspersed with the chaste romance of Katie and Michael, set on the Disney backlots with some nice matte paintings reminiscent of Ireland. Having been there, the castles and ruins stood out as unlikely, but I could imagine a ring fort instead.

“I’ll not be yer fancy feast!”

Once we’ve had all our fun with a leprechaun in a sack, it’s time for Sheelah Sugrue and Pony to start their mischief, turning Katie against Michael with chicanery, so she flees on the mountain road on the night the banshee howls. That banshee scared the shamrocks out of me as a kid. Now I have my grandfather’s shillelagh and a belt of Jameson handy to protect me, but back then it was good for a nightmare or two! The story turns true to its fairy tale roots then, as the banshee haunts poor Katie, and the Death Coach comes for her. Darby’s fight for his daughter’s life could be right from the classic deal with the devil, and not even King Brian can save him from his fate- or can he?

The banshee, source of many childhood nightmares

Sure it’s cheesy Disney, but it’s one of their best live-action fantasy films. It takes a while to take off, but it’s good clean fun. The perspective effects are quite good, and when they’re not- such as when it’s an obvious doll being thrown into Darby’s gunny sack, or a hilariously fake little arm fending off the cat- it just makes it even more endearing. The glow effects for the Death Coach and the Banshee are very dated, but work in this case- they’re used sparingly and in misty darkness. And when you see the banshee’s face, it’s still creepy 50 years later. For the adults, there’ll always be John Wayne having to prove his mettle to Maureen O’Hara- a movie with nearly as idyllic a view of Ireland as this one- but for the kids, watching Darby O’Gill play his fiddle for a roomful of leprechauns is still great fun.

Death Coach for Cutie
3 out of four leaf clovers

Zardoz: Happy Birthday Sean Connery

Zardoz, how I love thee. My friend Peter introduced me to this wacky science fiction allegory written and directed by John Boorman. It spins the tale of a distant future where the intelligentsia are idle, decadent immortals called Eternals who toy with the little people they call Brutals, by making a warrior class who worship a floating stone head called Zardoz. He spits out rifles and pistols, and tells them “The Gun is good! The penis is evil!” Yes, the same Mr. Boorman celebrated for excellent films such as Deliverance and Excalibur.

Sean plays Zed, one of the Exterminators, which is why he’s in hip boots with a Webley revolver and his meat & veg in royal red regalia. We see things through Zed’s perspective as he learns the secrets of Zardoz, that he is a pawn of the Eternals, specifically one Arthur Frayn, who wishes to be free of the shackles of immortality. At heart it is a socially updated pastiche of H.G. Wells’ “The Time Machine,” with its Morlocks and Eloi evolved into uselessness. But it’s a lot of psychedelic, bizarre ’70s fun as Sean shoots and humps his way through a post-apocalyptic bounty of babes, including Charlotte Rampling. When we first saw it, it was cut for TV, and made absolutely no sense. So we went to the local video shop, Curry Home Video- which had everything from Pink Flamingos to A Clockwork Orange, all the bizarre a growing boy needs- and got the uncut VHS.

Suddenly, the story made more sense, as half the expository scenes have a topless woman in them. So you have to watch it a few times and pay attention. We studied it like scholars. It remains one of my favorite indulgent, psychedelic excesses of the ’70s. You can tell that Boorman, he who made the ghostly, near-surrealist noir Point Blank, wanted to create something like Jodorowsky’s El Topo (full review) but he just couldn’t hack it; it comes off more as an exploitation picture made by a poet. So we have 2069: A Sex Odyssey of sorts. If you like science fiction or Sean Connery, this relic is unique and interesting, and unlike Highlander 2: The Quickening, it can be enjoyable to watch. So it’s perfect for sitting back with on Sean’s birthday.

© 2010 Tommy Salami

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