Red Tash's Blog, page 238
December 17, 2011
The Pickle Flies at Midnight!
See Jayne Mansfield for more...
The Pickle Flies at Midnight!
See Jayne Mansfield for more opportunities to win.
Good morning, from Miss Jayne Mansfield and me!
Today's...
Good morning, from Miss Jayne Mansfield and me!
Today's goodie marks the return of the free goofy prizes from me to you! Today's trick?
Shopping lists. C'mon, we all know you haven't completed your holiday gift-giving purchases yet. Click here for a sample of what I picked for you last time. This time? A Christmas twist or two.
So, let Auntie Red help you out with a customized shopping list. Just share ANY post from RedTash.com that tickles your fancy, with your friends on Facebook (there's a neat little "share" button at the bottom of each post), and let me know you've done so, and I shall write you a customized shopping list, from the deep, dark recesses of my sick, sick mind.
Guaranteed to please, or if not please, at least perplex! Now, have at it! Time's a-wastin'.
If you're interested in more substantial prizes, don't forget to enter my Girl Power Prize Pack tomfoolery (you'll also be entered in a drawing for a Kindle Fire), or book giveaways at Michelle Muto or Alexandra Lanc's site, or at Goodreads. Once you're done with that, click the following to meet more authors & see what they've got wrapped up under the tree for you:
December 16, 2011
Folks, I have a wonderful guest for you today. None other than...
Folks, I have a wonderful guest for you today. None other than fellow Creeper Johanna Katarina Pitcairn, a truly gifted & unique writer.
And she just made my Christmas a whole lot better. What a gift!
A Little Horror Tale
She likes red. Bloody and bright, like the juice of a fresh grapefruit squeezed in a clean crystal glass. She desires nothing but the best, and the best she receives because she's impossible to resist.
Her name is an enigma to outsiders. They think of her as a myth, a children's tale or at worst, an urban legend. She seems to glide over ice when she walks, and disappears in a scarlet mist in the middle of the night. Few witnesses have seen her with their own eyes, and every one of them is too afraid to talk about their experience. She could come after them if they acted carelessly. She fears nobody and can shape shift at will. She hides in empty corridors, waiting for her victims to pass nearby before stealing air from their lungs and choking them with her bare hands. She knows how to make human hearts cry, and if one doesn't pay enough attention, she even succeeds at ripping their soul apart.
She, the goddess of horror, screams out of love for the dark side. She wanders in a maze of death where no redemption is ever found. She rules as the queen of many ghosts, who serve her like slaves and perform her dreadful deeds. She adores her hatred for the world, and she prays to remain the devil she was born to be.
Like the torrent that flows in every living creature's veins, she's the reason behind every torment, every nightmare and every sin. She breathes the stench of the underground and finds it delightful. She causes chaos everywhere she goes, and starts revolutions anywhere she stays. She's the invincible one, the most cunning and devious being who also uses words like lethal weapons.
Beware if you happen to meet her, she'll try to seduce you. I admit she's very tempting. It's really at your own risk and peril. I fell in her trap many days ago… and she's one of the best horror writers I know. I accepted my fate, make sure you do too. Her name is Red. Red Tash.
And there you have it, folks! The truth is finally out! I might just have to use this as my official bio from here on out, Johanna!
If that sample of Johanna's amazing way with words isn't enough for you, please read on for more about JKP, and where you can connect with her.
Born in France from a German mother and French father, Johanna always dreamt of writing since she was born, but her artistic aspirations slowly got replaced by more realistic ambitions. She started her legal studies at the University of Nice and graduated with a Masters in International Law in October 2005. In July 2006, she started her LL.M. at Hofstra Law School and soon graduated to become an attorney admitted in New York State in 2008. She moved to New York City where she currently works and resides. Her recent divorce triggered a need to write again, and she has been busy working on a science-fiction and urban fantasy trilogy since May 2010, The Manicheans. Johanna also blogs regularly and writes short stories, as well as participates as an active member of the Women's Literary Cafe hosted by bestselling author Melissa Foster and the Writers Collection featuring nine other exceptional authors blogging about a different theme every week.
Visit her blog at themanicheans.blogspot.com, like her Facebook page at facebook.com/themanicheans and FB friend request her at facebook.com/jkpauthor
Electric Christmas Sensation Machine!
Are you exploding with...
Electric Christmas Sensation Machine!
Are you exploding with Christmasy goodness yet? You're about to. :)
(What? I like smiling. Smiling's my favorite.)
Well, Axel and I deliberated firmly over the parlance of the pickle, and the winners are…Mary Rajotte and Marian Allen!
Mary's pickle poem wasn't hard to pick:
That's quite the pickle your packin'
it's got my lips smackin'!
I'm neither picky nor fickle 'n
it looks quite ripe for the ticklin'!
And, as I noted to my dear friend RJ (who was right up there in my top pickle picks), it's hard to compete with Ms. Marian Allen, as well:
I don't know what you mean about "filthy pickle remarks". A lady like me would never make filthy remarks about pickles. I love pickles. The bigger the better. I especially like them salty. In the summer, I like to watch them grow and grow. Then I cut them off and put them in jars in the refrigerator. Sometimes I share them with my friends. I like the smooth ones better than the ones with bumps all over them. I'm always sad when their time is over and they shrivel up.
Now, who could write anything filthy about that?
Indeed, MA. Indeed. And since you are our US winner, you shall be rewarded, by receiving the Pickle Pack itself! BEHOLD!
Our international winner, Mary, will receive the ebooks of This Brilliant Darkness by yours truly, Living Dead at Zigfreidt & Roy by Axel Howerton (who shall be slapped for making me second-guess the spelling of "Zigfreidt" a dozen times each post).
This contest was a very big dill to Axel and me, and I'm sure I speak for him when I say thank you for gherkin so hard, all sours of the night in the salt mines to produce such winning lines. I know it can be cucumbersome with such a non-kosher topic as the Christmas Pickle—it can really hurt your brine trying to think them up. There were times I considered canning it altogether, but it was really such a Ball. Only a sourpuss wouldn't have considered each one of you the pick of the peck of the pickled peppers!
Mary & Marian, please email me to claim your prizes! RedTashBooks (at) gmail (dot) com.
Some of you may recall that Ms. Allen is the one who created a cocktail recipe for the Flying Birdbath. In that spirit, and at the request of book bloggers who desired a button to help promote my book launch, I created the following gif:
It seems putting wings on things is just going to be my thang. Next year? Flying Pickle gif. I promise. You can hold me to that.
In related news, Michelle Muto's giveaway of the PAPERBACK of This Brilliant Darkness is going on through next Wednesday, so fly over there and enter. All you have to do is leave a comment and then tweet about it. Couldn't be easier. This is Michelle's first ever giveaway, so please do go visit & make it a success.
Last week I did a weekend giveaway of Clara Claus, and this week Alexandra Lanc returns the favor by doing a giveaway of This Brilliant Darkness. If you recall, Miss Lanc gave away a Christmas ornament to match her book cover. TBD isn't really a Christmas-y kind of book, but our darling Christine Grace is a total coffee junkie, ain't she?
So…I put together this for the winner:
It may not look like much, but it's a one of a kind This Brilliant Darkness mug! Alexandra's giveaway is short and sweet, running now through the 19th, with winners announced on the 19th, or possibly the 20th.
At the bottom of that photo, you'll see something that looks suspiciously like a bookmark. It is just that. I had some of those printed up at Lanc's request, as well, so everything I'm sending out in the mail is going to have a couple of those beauties included. If you'd like a bookmark, just email me your address and ask for one, and I'll getcha some, okay? If you'd like several, I'm happy to accommodate that, too. (I'm looking at you, Amy Marshall.)
Last but not least, The Red Tash Girl Power Roller Derby Prize Pack giveaway is still a-rolling strong. All you gotta do is think up a roller derby name and leave it in the comments wherever you see the post. Here, here, or here will work for me.
Before I send you off on the rounds to visit the Creepers, the Debutantes, and the Holiday Hoppers for more prizes & merriment, here's one last link for you (for now).
A few weeks ago, Ruth Barrett posted a RFP for contributions to her blog, but I didn't respond because I was honestly kinda blitzed out with all the Christmas machinery in my head. However, Ruth emailed me personally and I LIKE HER, and when I like someone, I will put in the extra effort for them. I started to write Ruth a post based on one of her three writing prompts, and it grew to three pages long.
That's almost as long as the last post I sent her, during October, which was a reprint of one of my epic newspaper stories (so enormous that it dominated the front page of two local newspapers for two days—and in typical "me" style, included multimedia. Yes, it was a two page newspaper story with multimedia. EVPs and ghost videos, if you must know, hosted on their websites. And yes, I still got writing gigs after that. Someone just get me my own television network, and be done with it.) Ruth very politely declined the piece, which was no biggie. It just wasn't for her. I ran it, myself, eventually.
My point is, I really wanted to send her something right this time, so I actually sat here and edited and trimmed and edited and trimmed until I had a story that met her expectations (and please don't misunderstand, I don't mean that in a bad way. When it comes to writing, guidelines are a good thing).
She seems to like it. I hope you will, too. But, oh, it is personal. I share something that I haven't written about publicly, at all. I know I post a lot of flash and whizbang and chuckles here, but if you want to know the squishy insides of little ole me, go read about my most amazing Christmas gift, ever.
Okay. So, that's prize, link, shout-out, and mention overload for one day, isn't it? Get to clicking. Creepfest, Debutantes, Holiday Hop
(If you click on the electric photo at the top of the page you will be taken to the blog of the light of my life.)
TONIGHT, watch for a special guest post here on this blog, and TOMORROW, THE RETURN OF MY CUSTOMIZED, PERSONALIZED, ALL-FREE, SUPER GOOFY PRIZES! Because life is too short to be anything less than amazing, my friends. Let's do this thing.
December 15, 2011
Morning, glories! It is Playlist Thursday, and as I promised...
Morning, glories! It is Playlist Thursday, and as I promised last week, here's a special Holiday Playlist to help you get you in the mood!
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Are you ready to rock your Christmas socks off now?
So, here's what's on the slate for today…
Get over to Michelle Muto's blog and enter to win one of the very first copies of This Brilliant Darkness.
Axel and I shall choose the winners of the Christmas Pickle Prize Pack! Still time to slide in your naughty notes, I think, if you scurry. I don't care where you enter, here or there, just do it and do it now. ;)
It is Claudia LeFeve's day on the Debut Author Tour. You remember Claudia!
The Holiday Hop starts today, and here's how you can win my Roller Derby Girl Power Prize Pack in time to use the goodies to stuff your stocking! Additionally, just by entering any of my giveaways (and yes, there will be more) between now and the 25th, you'll be entered to win a Kindle Fire!) I am all about that Kindle Fire lately.
So let's talk about that Roller Derby Girl Power Prize Pack, shall we?
I sometimes get questions about Troll or Derby. Especially when people find out I used to be a rollergirl, myself.
Yep, that's me.
Roller derby changed my life, just as much as it was a reflection of how much my life had changed. Roller derby changed my writing, as well. Just like I learned how to walk on the wild side and revel in the glory & power that is derby, my writing has grown leaps and bounds since my rollergirl days.
Troll or Derby is a YA fantasy about trolls & fairies & roller derby, and a whole lot more.
In celebration of the impending completion of Troll or Derby's first draft, I'm giving away a collection of goodies for the ladies—and guys, you're eligible to win this, as well, and I'm pretty sure there's a lucky chick in your life who'd like to have this collection of fun stuff:
Like most hardcore BAMF rollergirls, I am not afraid of my girly girl side. Therefore, I am a convert to the Birchbox thing. (Really, you should try it out, ladies. Gents, makes a great gift.)
I am reusing my latest Birchbox shipping container to send you:
A trial size of the PoreFessional by Benefit, for when life gets sweaty and messy and you need to look like a porcelain goddess
A trial of Showstoppers Designer Fashion Tape, because rollergirls know that tape's not just for skates anymore—it's also for avoiding wardrobe malfuction.
These Lash Cards which I admittedly don't understand, but perhaps you shall.
A lovely yellow collage postcard from Atelier (and if you want me to write you a note on it, I shall—if you don't specify, I'll just leave it blank for you to admire or reuse) that reminds me of why I love the I Spy books for kids.
An actual book of matches from the Las Vegas hotel where I stayed during 2008's RollerCon, when I was on TeamMILF.
Normally, I was #8, but we already had a #8, so this time I was 99 44/100. It's a Soap thing, you wouldn't understand. And, yes, I wore a nursing bra OVER my "When MILFs Attack" jersey, flaps open, because I'm that awesome. (And I am sweaty as hell in that picture because it was Las Vegas in July & the A/C was choking to death and we hadn't even bouted yet…egad.) Anyway, yeah. Imperial Palace matchbook for YOU!
Have you seen the movie Whip It?
It was based on this book, which used to be called Derby Girl, by a girl called Shauna Cross, who used to be called Maggie Mayhem for awhile, when she was a derby girl, too. You got all that? Well, here's a Whip It movie pin, mint in the package from the debut of the movie in theatres. And if you like pins, I have thrown in a cute little roller skate vintage illustration badge, as well, for your pleasure. Pin them on your denim jersey and let's get this thing on, 1980s.
If that's too much roller derby and makeup and not enough pretend play for you, I'm including a Princess Leia (femmed out on Endor edition) action figure, and a Knocked Up But Just Try and Stop Me from Landing My Shiny Ship on Planet Lava, Bucko Amidala figure, as well, for those down times between meetings. Or, you could carry them in your purse for a little instant girl time, anytime you need them.
When was the last time you put anything frivolous on your keychain? When you were 16? Well, here's a cheap little purple plastic dear, and you should just have a little fun for once, okay?
Last but not least!!! Suitable for putting on your car, your schoolbooks, your laptop, your motorscooter—but please do use it—is an Ohio Rollergirls sticker! I will be completely honest with you. I don't remember when I got this sticker. It could have been at RollerCon, it could have been at a bout, it could have been when we were scrimmaging them. I honestly have no idea. I drank a lot, back then. *shrug*
Okay, so THAT'S my big Roller Derby Girl Power Prize Pack. I know you want it. So how do you win?
I'm so glad you asked!
I want you to think of a roller derby name. It can be male or female (yes, guys are often refs and they usually have some of the best names), and to inspire you, here's the international roster of rollergirl names (I am listed as Tyra Durden of Derby City Rollergirls), and here's a playlist of music from Troll or Derby if you need a little audio in yer membrane.
The winner of this contest, judged solely by me, will not only get the prize pack, but I will consider using your character's name in Troll or Derby, itself.
How lucky is this kid? I have to write my own roller skating fairy fantasies, while she gets to live them!
So, take a few minutes, think about your entry, and share it with me here, on my FB, or on my Goodreads page. I will give you through the 18th to Git R Done.
And when you're done with that, don't forget to visit the other Creepers, Holiday Hoppers, and Debutantes! Those links are all in the sidebar over there, to the right.
