Y. Correa's Blog, page 6

Shadow Work Sunday: Entry 2

  

Hi, Guys!

I hope you're all doing well.

As you may already know, last week I introduced the "Shadow Works" theme that the Unleashed One and I are doing. If you can't remember, here is the link.

Today we are working on the following questions.

What irrational fears do you have?

What blocks do they cause?

To begin, I will give the floor to the Unleashed One.


The Unleashed One

I confess that I've gone through significant amounts of trauma in my life. Some of these obstacles were worked through with the help of a therapist; others are still outstanding and I've attempted to work on independently.

Many people do not know this, but I had a lot of anxiety surrounding driving. Although I did relatively well when it came to practice on the written test, I would freeze when it came to the application. I was freaked out about what the other cars were going to do. I would often overcompensate on turns, which usually resulted in me turning too wide. I got into the funk of feeling as if I would never master driving, but rather than working through it at the beginning, I gave up. Plus, it helped that my grandfather was very overbearing when it came to who drove his car and was extra jumpy when he thought I was going to make a mistake.

I went through my college years without having a vehicle. Even during my brief stay in Georgia, I did not have a vehicle. I was dependent on the bus and my own two feet to get me where I needed to be. When I had to go grocery shopping, I would have one of my biggest roller suitcases with me and try to put as many groceries as I could.

When I moved to New Jersey, for the first year and a half, I mainly walked. The part of New Jersey in which I lived didn't have consistent bus service. Luckily, the places I worked at were within walking distance, so I just timed everything accordingly. My companion had a vehicle but I didn't want to interfere with the work schedule or other activities.

At one point, I realized that I was missing out on a lot by letting my fear of driving consume me. My therapist suggested that I should invest in driving lessons. I set aside enough money to do so, and the trainer was very patient with me, even during moments when I would have anxiety attacks. I hadn't experienced a lot of tolerance during my anxiety episodes. My grandfather didn't understand them. My companion just got annoyed with them.

Being complimented on what I was doing well and given suggestions on how to improve built up my confidence. After about three lessons, the teacher proclaimed that "it was time". When I complained that I thought I wasn't ready, she told me that it was best to strike while the iron was hot. Although I was still nervous, we traveled to the DMV.

All sorts of thoughts went through my mind. I would crash into the cones. I would hit the wrong pedal. I would forget something simple, like buckling my seat belt. I would have the worst case of gas as I was driving. Yes, from the irrational to the most ridiculous.

But, strangely enough, I passed everything on the first try. At 28, I finally had my first license ever. Yes, I didn't experience the thrill of getting my first car just after high school. But I did appreciate owning a car a lot more since it took me a while to even get my license. 

So ... that was one where my fears were worked through. What about the ones that are lingering?

1. Loss of stability

I was raised that stability consisted of (a) having a steady job (b) food (c) clothing and (d) shelter.

There was nothing about whether the job made you happy.

Whether the food was very healthy.

Whether the clothing was in fashion.

Whether the shelter fits with the Joneses.

However, when you are focused on surviving, the latter thoughts seemed like luxuries. Yet, since the teachings made sense, I utilized them as part of my own life.

I did not leave space to entertain happiness for self, primarily content. That as long as I hit a - d, things were good.

In the last few relationships where I had to share space, there were situations where a - d was not always maintained.

The experience I had when I first moved to New Jersey generated the biggest fears. My companion's illness caused instability in income, and the ending of the relationship caused instability in shelter, since the home belonged to a member of the family.

My relationship with my ex-husband deepened the trauma. During our marriage, he was in and out of work. At one point, I worked two jobs to hold everything together.  In addition, when he was generating income, he tended to spend more than save. Also, close to the end of our marriage, he would help himself to money that was part of the household, although all of the funding from my paycheck was deposited in that account while his income was put in his solo account.

My health deteriorated under the stress. At one point, there was risk of not having a roof over our heads. Clothing went years without being updated. The food that was most accessible and affordable was that which was not the best for my health.

These incidents embedded a fear that if any of those elements weren't mostly controlled by me, then it would be snatched away. Even during moments where it would be easier to split the load, I developed a deep distrust, although that person may not have shown any signs where the hesitation was justified.

I have come a long way but I still have the hamster wheel of thought. The panic of everything that could go wrong if I relinquish the wheel for someone else to take care of it, whether tangible or intangible.

2. Achievability of sustainable companionship

Have you ever heard the term, "good for a season but not for a lifetime"?

That is how I've felt in the romantic scheme of things. Initially, all seems in sync, but then as months, even years go by, it deteriorates bit by bit.

I have always understood that it's natural for a relationship to go through growing pains. A relationship consists of two individuals coming together and striking a balance that works so that each person can be an individual while being in a relationship.

Unfortunately, I have been in situations where it feels more of a takeover than compromise. Where certain characteristics the other person thought were "interesting", "appealing", "attractive" become liabilities as the relationship further develops.

For example, when I tell the person of interest I'm a published author, he acts impressed and thinks it's interesting. However, if he needs time with me and I'm working on a new project that needs my undivided attention, it's "taking away from his time" and it's "not as important as him". 

I also get compliments when I exude intelligence and extensive vocabulary, but when it's used to communicate my feelings or to explain my stance in a serious discussion, I'm told to "tone it down" and "to quit acting like I'm better than everyone".

Also, I don't like to do a lot of yelling when I sense there's going to be a huge disagreement. I like to be given a bit of space when I recognize that I'm getting upset. Plus, it avoids statements from coming out wrong. I don't like it when I'm "forced" to tackle something right away. Nor do I like words being put in my mouth because I'm not going to say one thing when I mean another. One can say it's the writer in me.

Yet, I have encountered men who claim to be logical spew the most illogical bullshit and then get butt hurt when I do not buy what they are selling. 

I'm not saying that all men are like that, just the unfortunate mishaps that have occurred through all stages of life.

It promotes this narrative that the way I exist may not ever be in sync with the modern individual who is out there. I'm too contemporary to be truly old school, yet too antiquated to fit in with the ego-stroking and emotional neediness of the population. I'm not enough and too much at the same time.

I've been divorced since 2017.

I haven't been in a relationship since 2018.

Yet, I feel my most optimal without emotional entanglement.

If I ever decide to want a romantic union, I have this thought process that the individual is going to try to mold me into his image, that I once again have to compromise for the sake of sacrifice.

I made the covenant with myself that I was not going to lose myself in anyone ever again, but how will I know if there is the right person for me if I don't let go of the fear and take the risk?

I admit, on this issue, I am not at a place where I'm willing to take the gamble. 

There are probably others, but these are the top two that stick out.

Mini Truth Honesty? I feel like I have far too many fears to list. At times, this very element makes me feel entirely broken. Like a person who exists inside her own bubble. One that was not made like anyone else's and that no one else could comprehend.
It's a cross I bear, always.
I guess the best place to start would be to address my most recent developing fear. The hamster wheel is big and rampant with this one. Trust me.
The Fear of Unending Pain
I suffer from several illnesses that cause chronic pain. Yes, several. If it were just one—like arthritis, alone—it would be different. But every illness that I have, from the autoimmune ones to the muscular-skeletal ones, cause immense pain.In the last five years, I have not woken up a single day without hurting to one degree or another.I've gone from "I hope today will be a pain-free day," to "I wonder if I'm not going to be bedridden today."Nowadays, I function according to how much I hurt. I seldom walk normally anymore. I can't get up the stairs without stopping to take a break. If I am on my feet for more than an hour, two max, I can't get on my feet anymore for the rest of the day. My back is always in agony, as are my hands, joints and head. It's perpetual. Truly agonizing.This has been nonstop for five years hence, and all of my ailments are lifelong. I've come to a place where I wake up in the morning, fearful, truly deeply disturbed that I am going to hurt badly again. It's getting to the point that I am invariably thinking about pain all the time."If I do this, will it make me hurt?""If I do that, will it make me hurt more?""If I go here, will it cause more pain?"
"Should I even get out of bed?"These thoughts are made twice as bad when I think about the fact that I am a middle-aged woman and I still, literally, have half of my life left to live. I don't know if I can handle another 40+ years of pain.The other day, the fear was so bad that I thought I should probably just end it all. If I am dead, I won't hurt anymore.I'm just being candid here. Not trying to worry anyone.Then the thought occurred to me that my family needs me so maybe if I just stayed in bed forevermore, I won't hurt as much.Then there is the element of the Cycle of Pain.Pain causes depression. Depression causes pain. Round and round it goes.

I've found that since the fear began I have started to gain a lot of weight. This is due to multiple facts. Most of which are delineated int eh diagram above. The weight gain has also decreased my self-esteem, and this in turn, increased my depression. Which increases the pain; which decreases my functionality; which increases my depression. You get the idea.I am really being challenged by this increased fear. And I mean, really challenged . This is made worse by the fact that I keep thinking that I don't have a husband or boyfriend to depend on that can take the helm when I get to the point of complete immobility.So, the issue with this new development is that I can't foresee there ever being a cure or remedy. Thus, I press on every single day to the best of my abilities knowing that unfailingly I will have pain. Always. No matter what. Forever.
Fear of Never Finding Enduring Love
No one wants to live an entire lifetime without having found their forever person. We all, to some extent, desire the companionship of a mate. Which, to be sure, is a very different type of union. Most of us have family and friends. They give us a sense of togetherness, but the intimate bond of a life-mate goes deep and should endure.However, I have not had much luck in that field in my lifetime. And, as I mentioned before, I am a middle-aged woman. It is said that the vast majority of single women over 40 never find love.I have this irrational vision of me at age 80 laying in my death bed, waiting for my moment to come, alone. Crickets.The thought of death instills fear in us all. How horrific is it to think that you'd have to face it alone. The funny thing is, I've overcome and dealt with traumas the likes of which cause repugnance. I know how strong I am. But interminable lovelessness is not something I want to have to go through.I always feel like I have soooooo much love to give. If only the right man would come along.
Death by Drowning or Fire
I authentically believe that in one or more of my past lives I have died by drowning or by fire.Why?Because I can literally feel it and relive it whenever I think of them. Therefore, I try my best not to think of them.It's so strange, though. From the time I was a little girl, I have loved being around water, just not swimming. Especially, in deep water. There is an underlined (what feels like) trauma associated with swimming in the ocean. And this has been true my whole life, as if carried over from another lifetime.The same goes with fire. I keep seeing myself doused in flames; head to toes. Burning like a witch at the stake.Whether rational or irrational, I don't know. But they frankly scare the shit out of me.


Well, that is it for this week's Shadow Work Sunday. Keep an eye out for next week's. Here is to hoping it won't be too depressing.

#WomenInSciFi Featuring Synful Desire

 

Featuring [image error] [image error]
Who is Synful Desire?

"Surrender is Liberation"
Synful Desire surrenders to writing whatever resides in her mind, be it contemporary drama, contemporary romance, erotica, historical drama, science fiction, or situational comedy. More often than not, these works of literature rebel against what is accepted or found in society. She believes there are readers who yearn for something more than trends, whether it is a different twist on an old narrative or advocacy of unorthodox situations. Current Works Vanilla erotica micro-short KonaErotica anthology Delectable Things: Special EditionContemporary historical drama Alan, Fay & Demona (Preludes of Prism, Book 1)Erotica anthology H.E.R. (Handy: Extended Release)Erotica flash fiction anthology AmoreselsErotica short story Brielle Collaborative Work Erotica anthology Simmer: Smoothe & Sweet (with Adonis Mann) Featured in Private Pain: Amidst These Ashes—Poem "Behind the Stuntin'"Continuous Drips—Contributions: Contemporary dramas "Derailed Endurance" and "Final Prep to Happiness" and Erotica story "FAN-tasy Island"The Concordant Vibrancy Collection—Situational comedy micro-short "Lester's Release" (Unity), Science fiction story "Return to Hues" (Vitality), Contemporary drama "The Satiationship" (Lustrate), Contemporary drama "Antipode" (Inferno)The Divergent Ink collection—Romantic comedy "Seven Days of Stimuli" (Crackles of the Heart), Contemporary drama "Onus" (Pleasure Prints) Future features Simmer: Sensual and SpicyConcordant Vibrancy 5: ExtancyCynosure: Divergent Ink 3Synergism: Divergent Ink 4What is her Sci-Fi Contribution? [image error]
Excerpt of "Return to Hues"
Earth7 Years Later
“Kno’Ba get up sleepyhead! You’re going to be late for school.” Gracie stressed way too much. My internal clock was always more accurate than some machine. I do confess being delighted when the tone of her voice was animated. It had taken a bit of time but my body adjusted and morphed to almost human specifications. My orbs now appeared as oversized eyes and my lips were well-formed but more suited on a female human—due to the coloring and plumpness. I gained height and muscle definition but no hair on any part of my form. I also lacked a belly button and definitive male anatomy. Nor did my skin stay one color but changed based on the emotions I experienced. In human years my numerical age was seventeen. Yet from the world of my birth, I was several centuries old. In fact, for every human year on Earth, one hundred years passed in my world. It had been seven hundred years since I last saw the gray I despised. Seven hundred years since I viewed the Darkness. Seven hundred years since I spent time with my parents. Seven hundred years since I had been home. Yet I was surrounded with so much care by the family that found me, particularly by Gracie. She was the one who convinced her parents to help me. Although the Earth doctors were at a loss on how to mend me, once the blackness was expelled from my body, my powers of healing were restored. However, the atmosphere of Earth changed my original composition, which resulted in various shifts in my appearance.
Connect with Synful Desire:FacebookTwitterWebsite

#WomenInSciFi Featuring Nicola McDonagh

 

Featuring

Who is Nicola McDonagh?

Nicola McDonagh is known for her unique writing style. She is the author of the unconventional sci-fi/dystopian Song of Forgetfulness action adventure series, and the award winning short story anthology, Glimmer. She loves to play around with the written word and the visual image and has been a photographer, actor, director, scriptwriter and other less exciting things, before settling in Suffolk with her musician husband, and a plethora of rescued cats and chickens.She also teaches photography, creative writing and her other passion, cooking, to the young and old alike.She won the Suffolk Book League’s Short Story Competition, with Glimmer, and was shortlisted for The Escalator Genre Fiction Competition with her novel, Echoes from the Lost Ones, book 2 in the series, The Song of Forgetfulness. She was given a Certificate of Excellence Award by All Authors Promotions for her short story collection Glimmer.What are her Sci-Fi Contributions?
The Chronicles of Mayer Blurb:Adara needs to know about her past if she, and everyone else, is to have a future.The Moocow Monks of Mayer have the answers. Inside their subterranean archive, Adara learns disturbing truths hidden for centuries.When a catastrophic flood wipes out most of the population of Great Britain, a handful of survivors and a sacred herd of cows struggle to stay alive as plague and rising waters engulf most of Europe.As terrifying storms endanger their pilgrimage, Mayer and Arjuna must battle not only the elements but rogue soldiers, intent on butchering the holy cattle.Can they build a sanctuary in the mountains of Scotland to secure the survival of mankind if disease, brutal attacks, and infertility threaten to wipe out all human and animal life?“…a unique plot that caught me from the very beginning.”Download your copy of this action-packed apocalyptic adventure now!
Whisper Gatherers Blurb:She has a power like no other. If she uses it, she'll die. If she doesn't, the world is doomed.Seventeen-year-old Adara is an orphan, an outcast, and a freak. But when a religious cult, name her as a saviour, everybody wants a piece of her. To escape their bloodthirsty clutches, Adara must fulfil her destiny and destroy a vicious enemy she has no idea how to defeat.With war raging and her brother abducted, Adara must conquer the evil that threatens to wipe out the terror-stricken survivors. But how? Her supernatural gift is the key. The only problem is she doesn’t know how to use it.“If you like action, and science fiction then you’ll appreciate one of the first books EVER that gives you high powered adrenalin with chilling revelations of utter suspense!”Download your copy of this action-packed sci-fi dystopian adventure series now!
Echoes from the Lost Ones Blurb:What if your last day at school turned out to be your first day as a rebel warrior?Alone in the hostile Wilderness, Adara must undertake a life-threatening quest to find her brother and unleash her power before an evil force destroys her world.But someone is following her every move. With starving cannibals, kilted wild men, and sinister monks out to get her, Adara’s only hope is to join forces with the terrifying masked Clonies and their savage wolfhounds. Can she trust these mysterious mutants? Or will they betray her to the enemy?"I loved the language, and both the style and the voice of the book reminded me of Patrick Ness' Walking Chaos Trilogy."Download your copy of this action-packed sci-fi dystopian adventure now!
A Silence HeardTrust no one - not even family.Does Adara have enough courage to survive betrayal, war, and loss? Adara’s search for her brother takes a sinister turn as she and her friends infiltrate Agro headquarters to free the Meeks.With only a handful of allies by her side, Adara soon learns that these mysterious adversaries are more powerful and cruel than she ever imagined. Despite overwhelming odds, Adara and her rebel troops must destroy the Agro army.But a traitor is trying to sabotage their mission. Someone is in league with the enemy. Someone close to home.An action-packed post-apocalyptic journey into the dark side of human nature.“Easily a must-read for dystopian adventure lovers out there.” (Amazon Review)Grab your copy now!
Connect with Nicola McDonagh:FacebookTwitterAmazon

Shadow Work Sunday: Entry 1

  

So my best friend and business partner, Queen of Spades (AKA, The Unleashed One), invited me to be a part of something called "Shadow Work".

For those of you who don't know what Shadow Work is, it s a spiritual venture to explore self-healing and spiritual wholeness. During the Shadow Work experiment, Queen and I will be addressing one question per week that dives deep into our soul outlook on various topics.

This speaks loudly to my heart because at my core I am a very spiritual person. As some of you may also know, I am a psychic. However, throughout my life I have faced some adversities that have made it very difficult to reach my spiritual matrix and apex. Something moved me to want to participate in this Shadow Work venture so as to mend that break and hopefully obtain what I so desperately yearn for.

With that said, let's dive right in. Here is this week's question ...

What cliché makes your stomach turn and why? Is it the inaccuracy or the accuracy that bothers you?
The Unleashed One
The way I'm going to start this will make you think of Miss Sophia from The Color Purple, but the sentiment is how I've felt throughout my life.
All my life I've had to fight.

I have had to fight against a narrative crafted by others due to my origins. You see, my mother was extremely young when she got pregnant with me. This played into the cliche of "Girls from teenage mothers become teenage mothers themselves".

On top of that, my mother did not graduate from high school, also producing another belief, "Children who are products of high school dropouts end up not finishing school."

At a very young age, my mother moved away, leaving her parents to raise me and concerns about "how well adjusted I would be, due to lack of mother and father".

It made me feel as if it was me against the world the moment I came out of the womb. I already felt aged. There wasn't that carefree ambiance of my spirit because I felt the pressure ... the residual left behind from the pain of the past. Restraint was placed on my actions to prevent a repetition of history. A history that caused my grandparents a great amount of pain that my mother probably did not factor with her decisions.

Girls from teenage mothers become teenage mothers themselves.

This statement is a bit of a double-edged sword. There is accuracy in the statement, particularly for people of color. It is hurtful because although there's more birth control available, there's still those who don't use it or who aren't using it properly.

The percentage is greater in the South (where I'm from), particularly those areas who constantly preach abstinence, leaving teens to sneak around and have sex instead of being able to have an open dialog with their parents about the subject. I believe that abstinence is something to strive for, even waiting until marriage, but for many, it is unrealistic, simply because of peer pressure and overall curiosity. Therefore, it's better to get one prepared, in the event that it does happen.

For me, my mother getting pregnant so young was a teachable moment. It was a teachable moment on what not to do. Maybe it was the empathic connection I had with my grandparents and my surroundings that drove that point home. Hyperfocus was placed on education and extracurricular activities. I was busy fighting a narrative, a narrative I refused to let the neighborhood or society place on me.

Children who are products of high school dropouts end up not finishing school.

Pregnancy is one of the main factors why a teenage mom drops out of school. However, the automatic assumption that the child will also be a high school dropout upsets me. Not only did I finish high school with honors, but I also continued on to college, making me a 1st generation college student. I even graduated from college.

I don't think a person should be counted out based on poor beginnings. Not every person is suppressed by the environment. Some are able to thrive and make the best of things. 

Children who aren't part of a two-parent household (mother and father) aren't as well adjusted as those who do.

It's the inaccuracy of this one which makes me shake my head. 

This standard bothers me because it places too much focus on presence rather than participation. Let me see if I can elaborate.

Just because a mother and father are in the home together, it doesn't mean it is a happy home. Mom and Dad could constantly be fighting. There may be a situation where one or both parents have to constantly work, barely having time for their children. Is it really better for Mom and Dad to stay together, to keep up appearances because a two-parent household is more beneficial than the alternative?

To be honest, it's a toxic narrative. Children pick up the message to endure, even if they are miserable. It teaches them that their happiness isn't as important in their relationships as "the look" ... the look that everything is copacetic.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that single parenting isn't rough. In fact, it's highly difficult. But it is better for children to see a parent that is happy by one's self than in a relationship but is miserable.

I did miss out on having talks with my mother about boys, although I was more invested in books than boys (and still am

#WomenInSciFi Featuring S. E. Cyborski

 

Featuring

Who is S. E. Cyborski?I am a freelance writer and poet. I am a huge nerd and can often be found reading, watching movies, or playing videogames. I love science fiction and fantasy, especially in books. I have several books published on Amazon Kindle, including a science fiction series titled The Accidental Heroes Chronicles, a romance titled A Weight Relieved, and a children’s series titled Gerald the Chicken  I have also recently published a queer, paranormal fantasy story titled Underneath. The short story, The Smile Maidens, has also been published in Women of the Wild: An Anthology. Also, as of May 2020, the title Shadows and a Touch of Magic is available through Corvus Quill Press. All of these are under the pen name S. E. Cyborski.
What are her Sci-Fi Contributions?

Gnotret Blurb:​While he doesn't like the sound of the experimental drug trial his girlfriend Amy Veksler found a flyer for on campus, George Ormond still lets himself be persuaded to join it. He,Amy, and three other students go to a warehouse where Doctor Adam Carnesby, the biology professor who's running the study, has everything set up for the month long trial. Everything seems to be going well even though all five of the students become sick for a week after their first injections. At the start of the second week, they all recover, feeling better than ever. Then, they start to discover that there were more side effects to the drug than just a cold.
Expansion Blurb:With Amy, Sandra, and Michael gone, George and Billy feel at loose ends. Then Dr. Carnesby informs them that The Corporation wants to continue testing Gnotret and they want him to put together another trial with more volunteers. George and Billy agree to help, wondering how things might go wrong this time.
Escalation Blurb:The second group who participated in the medical trial has splintered, just as the first had. Rose, Brandy, and Nick choose to remain with Dr. Carnesby and the others in the effort to deal with Sandra, Michael, and Amy. Eric decides to join forces with Sandra, craving some of the fame and wealth she is accruing.Meanwhile, Elyse and Darryl start work with Lucian and the Corporation. Things seem to be going well but both are asked to do some difficult things. Soon, both will have to decide if using their abilities for the Corporation is truly what they want to do.Gnotret, the alien being behind the abilities each person has developed, has its own plans. And now, it's finally in a position to start putting those plans into action.
Deceit Blurb:Things come to a head with Sandra and the others. During their confrontation, Amy's madness returns. Can George and the others prevail and save Amy and Michael from Sandra? And there is another problem brewing. Wendy, who had escaped from the second trial without developing abilities, has fallen ill with the same flu-like symptoms and nightmares the rest of them had. Meanwhile, Darryl realizes that his mission for the Corporation isn't as cut and dried as Lucian made it seem. He discovers what his ability is actually being used for as well as what Elyse's mission really was. Neither of which is a very comfortable discovery.
Victory Blurb:​Gnotret takes steps towards its ultimate goal as it draws Lucian and Katrina into the fold. Meanwhile, Wendy and Billy work on healing Amy. Friction continues to grow between Elyse and Darryl in the wake of discovering what their respective missions for Lucian really entailed. When Jane and Dr. Carnesby realize exactly what Gnotret is, they can’t keep it a secret from the others. And when that information is shared, the group decides there is only one course of action. Can George and the others defeat Gnotret before it completes its plans? The thrilling conclusion to The Accidental Heroes Chronicles will answer that question and more.
Victory: The Alternate Ending Blurb:This is an alternate ending to Victory, book 5 of The Accidental Heroes Chronicles. It is only available as an ebook.
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#WomenInSciFi Featuring Rebekah Wagner

 

Featuring
Who is Rebekah Wagner?Rebekah was born and raised in Thomasville, North Carolina where she currently resides. She graduated from East Davidson High School in 2012 and published her first book two years later at the age of 20. She writes from the heart, to entertain others and to show people that even though you may have a disability you can still live your dreams, you just have to work for it and really want it.
What is her Sci-Fi Contribution?
Blurb:After losing her grandmother who was also her best friend, Tori distances herself from everyone she knows and falls into a deep, dark place—losing control of her life with no idea on how to get it back on track. With the gift of being able to visit heaven and the guidance of her nanny, she is able to get back on track with her life and even find love.
What else would Rebekah like you to know?

The Month of September is the #WomenInSciFi Month!

 

New Book by C. Desert Rose #BookRelease

Hello!
Today C. Desert Rose is releasing her brand new paranormal comedy " Hairy Situations ". I can guarantee that it's a hilarious story.Anywho ... I'm letting go of the mic and letting Rose fill y'all in.

Journal Entry: 6/26/2020

I will start by saying that I know the world, in particular the US in which I reside, is under the clutches of the COVID-19 pandemic. Therefore, dating as it is supposed to be done is not possible.With that said, I'll continue my post.
It's been a while since I've been in a relationship. The last guy I dated, as nice and great as he was, simply was not for me. We broke up December of 2017. I've been single since.
I really feel like I am ready to start dating again. I truly do. But, for me, dating is a chore. It feels more like an inconvenience than a leisurely/pleasant way to find my potential other half. Though there are a lot of reasons I can list, there is one that is at the top of the list.
My sexuality.
I identify as a heterosexual-sapiosexual.
In case you don't know what that means ...

But that's not the end of it. In the words of the famous and very profound Shrek (lol), "I'm like an onion. I have layers."I attribute this part of me to my star sign of Aquarius.

Since I am an artist, I am very visual.What does this mean?
Most sapiosexuals are solely attracted the an individual's mind. For me, there also has to be an equal sense of mutual visual attraction. This doesn't mean that the guy has to be Chris-Freaking-Hemsworth, but I have to find something in him visually that draws me in.
And yet, there is still more.
I am also a combination of contemporary and old-fashioned. I am an amalgamation.
As a romantic, I like to be courted. As a profound thinker, at times I like intellectual conversation. As a witty person with a good sense of humor, I like being silly and often keeping things light and fun. As an artist, I am attracted to all things esoteric, ethereal and thought provoking. As a philanthropist, I am moved by altruistic and benevolent acts and often aspire to take part in them. As a spiritual person, I am always looking towards a higher power to find enlightenment and guidance. As a spontaneous person, I am moved by the notion of freewill and freedom. And, as a logical thinker, I find the same mind-frame in other people admirable.
Why am I even bringing all of this up? Simple, actually. Because as my opening statement says ... They say they understand, but they really don't.


Here we go ... we're gonna get to the meat of the matter now.
Often times, when I meet a guy the opening line is "I'm a very sexual person."
I mean, I get it. Men are sexual creatures. Just like any mammal. I get it, I do!
Guess what, guys ... SO ARE WOMEN!
The issue is that we are wired differently. And for a person such as myself, even more differently than most. Like, very much so.
I find it very unattractive and off-putting when a man cannot hold a decent conversation. I find it even more repulsive when a guy tries to interject his penis or sex into every fucking conversation. Sexual innuendos are only funny when used sparsely and appropriately. And YES, there is a way to use "sex jokes" appropriately. It's called, " When the timing is right. "After a while I get bored, and a bitter taste forms in my mouth that I can't ignore.
It seems impossible for the opposite sex to understand that in order to stimulate my sex, YOU MUST FIRST STIMULATE MY MIND!
What's more, I hear it ALL the time ...
" Oh, sapiosexual. That's cool. I know what that is. " and at the flip of a dime, boom the guy is an all out moron. I get even more insulted when I know that the guy is intelligent but he acts like a horn-ball from a 1980's movie.
Plain and simple, it's situations like this that keep me from going back out into the dating world. Hence, I feel like I will be single forever no matter how "ready" I am to date again.

Journal Entry: June 18th, 2020

I woke up this morning with a very powerful thought in my mind.
"No one is just one thing."
I was going to post those words on Facebook, but after having a very interesting discussion with the bestie I decided that a journal entry would be better suited. Mostly because I can then elaborate on the thought.
We are living in highly disconcerting times. Too much is happening around the globe and lines that were previously drawn are now being stomped on.
I am not here to discuss politics or current news. Rather, I am here to talk about the human condition and the elements that makes the above statement an irrevocable truth.
If you're up to taking this ride with me, hop on the train of thought.




In recent days I've talked about my desire to be in a good, fruitful and lasting relationship. However, I am facing certain elements that make me believe that this will never happen.Trust me when I tell you that all of this runs together. It's an eternal cycle.
First let's start with the statement above.
"No one is just one thing."
Allow me to elaborate.
Far too many people believe that one factual statement of themselves describes the entirety of themselves. I've heard so many people say things like ...
"I have a bad temper because I am Italian.""I speak loudly because I am Hispanic.""I like fried chicken because I am Black.""I act flamboyant because I am gay.""I am a butch because I am a lesbian."
In my opinion these types of statements are narrow-minded. Not to mention inaccurate, prejudice, and radical.It take an expansively-minded person to see what I am saying.Bear with me here for a minute.I'll make myself an example. Here are several facts about myself and how I identify as a person:
I am Afro-Latina.I am a Heterosexual-Sapiosexual.I am independent.I am intelligent.I am short or statue.I am spiritual.
I am all of these things. Furthermore, being me, I cannot be just one of these things without embodying the rest.Some of these elements of myself were encrypted in my DNA at conception, others were formulated and molded through time. But everyone of them explains my personality/characteristics.Being a woman of color and my sexuality, stature, gifts and mental functionality were things that were preordained. They just are because I am. Simple as that.However, my emotional-maturity, view of the world, independence and spirituality were created through time, trail and error. They do not make me any more or less myself.The whole of these descriptions encompasses the whole of who I am.
If I so desired, I could just as easily say, "I have a bad temper because I'm Hispanic." Yet, in all actuality, a "bad temper", or the lack of temperamental control, is a choice. I can choose to react or not react, thus, this is not a trait of self but an option.
Now that that's out there, I'll address the larger scope of things.


In that Black Lives Matter movement there are a vast number of people stating that this movement only represents " Straight Black People ". As per their belief, if you're LGBT and just happen to be black, this movement doesn't represent you.
Sorry, not sorry. That's bullshit. Plain and simple fuckery.
A person does not choose to be born black, neither do they choose to be LGBT or straight . THEY ARE BORN THIS WAY!
Fundamentally etched into the chromosomes of a zygote (if you don't know what this is, look it up) is an individual's race, creed, color and sexuality.
Therefore, how can just straight black lives matter ? Just the notion alone is ludicrous. It's like saying that only heterosexual blacks are really black and every other sexuality of black is make-believing they are black.
Let's take this down to laymen terms ...
Saying that only heterosexual blacks are really black is like saying that smoked pork bacon is the only real bacon and cured pork bacon is pretending it's bacon . It's a contradiction, an asinine absurdity.
ALL BLACK LIVES MATTER!
The problem is within the elemental composition of the human condition. This is more about our hearts than it is about our political preference or our religion.
ALL HUMANS WANT UNCONDITIONAL LOVE, BUT ONLY FEW CAN TRULY GIVE UNCONDITIONAL LOVE.
To further complicate the matter is the shallowness of mind—the one dimensional ideology of the concept of humanity.
Let me put this in a way that you can understand.
All people want to feel fully and completely loved for exactly who they are. They want to feel accepted for every element that makes them, them. They don't want to have to hide any part of themselves and still feel uncompromising love and acceptance.People don't want to be tolerated, they want to be received with open arms and minds.Yet and still, these very same people do not have the developmental-emotional capacity to accept others in the same fashion. This frame of mind is a byproduct of the inability to see past the surface and into the soul.These people can only see one thing in others, whatever that one thing is.This mindset is paradoxical and toxic, yet these people are blind to it. They simply cannot see past the ambiguity.
But, the fact of the matter is that this paradoxical mindset is more the norm than the exception.
Until humanity can see that no one is just one thing, they'll never be able to give themselves or others unconditional love and acceptance.



Now, as this pertains to me and my love life ...
Until such a man exists who can see that I am so much more than just ONE THING I may very well be single forever.