David Gullen's Blog, page 22

Friday Flash – I Don’t Know, But I’ve Been Told

This week the Friday Flash is a ‘guest post’ from my alter-ego, Lord Plott.

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Ulysses Plot was thinking about his book. This meant walking around in the garden and staring at plants. The sunflowers were doing well, a few leaves had been nibbled by snails but he could live with that. The beans were in a similar state, a few shiny slug trails crossed the lower leaves, nothing drastic. A few minutes wandering brought him to the scruffy end of the garden, past the compost bins and the bramble hedge. Somewhere along the way he’d picked up a bamboo stake and he idly swished at the nettles, knocking the tops off.

I should get some gloves on and pull them up, he thought. He’d do it later, this was writing time, even if, to an outsider, it looked like nothing more than a middle-aged man wandering round in the garden.

Right, back to work, Ulysses told himself, tucked the cane under his arm like a sergeant’s baton, and marched back to the house.

The march, the cane – all at once he was back in the USA, reliving the most miserable year of his life, when he had been seconded to the American army. Lonely, out of place, young and eager to please, he was the Limey, the one who played cricket instead of baseball, and who drank his beer warm. He’d learned a lot, and most people were friendly, but one drill instructor had gone out of his way to make his life an absolute misery. What was his name? Hareman… Cartman, something like that. Came to a sticky end, Ulysses recalled. Pushed his men too far.

Ulysses glanced at the vegetable beds and stopped, rooted to the spot with horror. Where was the broccoli? The broccoli he had carefully grown from seed in the greenhouse and planted out only yesterday. It was gone, every single plant. Apart from a few leaf scraps and nibbled-down stumps all he could see was bare earth – bare earth and slug trails. Ulysses ground his teeth. ‘Bloody slugs,’ he seethed. He felt his heart grow cold, murderous cold. You should never push a man too far.

An hour later more broccoli had been planted (you should always have reserves), the beer traps were set (never send in troops without support). Ulysses remembered his training.

The best thing is always to do something. Once again Ulysses’ mind drifted back to America and the Drill Sergeant’s forced marches and the scatological jodys, or marching calls, he used.

Sound off! 1,2

Sound off! 3,4  

Ulysses decided to make up his own:

I don’t know, but I’ve been told,

Gardening’s good as you grow old. 

Pulling weeds and bending low,

Helps the aging process slow. 

Slugs are best killed when they’re runts,

Before they grow to greedy-

‘What are you doing, Ulysses?’ Philomena asked.

Ulysses half jumped out of his boots. How did she do that? His wife could move as silently as a panther. ‘Nothing, dear, nothing. Just having a think. You know, stories and stuff.’

Philly looked him up and down. ‘Good. I was worried you’d gone a bit..’ She twirled her finger beside her head. ‘You know.’

‘No more than usual. Look at the bloody broccoli! Slugs had the lot.’

‘They look fine.’

‘That’s the second lot. Contingency.’ Ulysses showed her the chewed down ruin of the first crop.

‘Well done, Lissy,’ Philly said. ‘Fancy a cuppa?’

‘Splendid idea! Any cake?’

~

Friday Flash – Portrait of God as a Novelist

‘I love all my characters equally. Let’s face it, they wouldn’t be there if I didn’t want them to be. Every single one has a part to play, big and small. I feel their pain, their triumphs, their loves and failures, after all, I am their creator. However, that doesn’t mean everyone will get a happy ending or that things are fair.’

‘There’s always some guy walking into a bar out of the blue, coming out of nowhere with a plan, some scheme for centre-stage. And you know what? If I like the look of them, if I like what they’ve got to say, I’ll probably go along with it. At least for a while. If it doesn’t work out then they’re gone, that’s the way things are. I didn’t ask them to come looking.’

‘I do think I’m improving. World-building is a real joy, I can spend days on that. And characterisation. Some folks you just fall in love with, good or bad. That can be dangerous, you want to help them!’

‘I know, background and character do not a story make. My plot is big, sprawling, I had this idea – a plot big enough to contain all the other plots. So you do need to pay attention. Maybe I should have gone for something simpler. I’ve no plans for a sequel.’

~

KnightWatch Press Call for Submissions #3 – Killer Bees From Outer Space

I’m posting three calls for submissions on behalf of Theresa Derwin, who is temporarily indisposed. So, here is the third and last, and possibly the most exciting of them all!

Call for Submissions – Killer Bees From Outer Space

We all like a good B Movie. Especially those wonderfully cliché films from the 1950s and beyond such as Plan 9 From Outer Space, I Was a Teenage Werewolf or even the most recent additions to the genre such as Sharknado. There is a sort of guilty pleasure and a sense of fun to be found in these films, and we are hoping that the sense of fun can be transferred to the short story form.

To be edited by Theresa Derwin and published by KnightWatch Press, Killer Bees from Outer Space will be an anthology of stories playing with the clichés and ideas found in B Movies. But bee-ware, I do not want to be swarmed by stories about killer bees or other forms of insects, after all there are so many fun tropes to be used from the many examples out there. I have already received two bed stories so do not wish to receive anymore. Think outside the box. Escape of the 50ft Gorilla anyone?

Deadline: 30th June 2014

All submissions should:

Be between 2,000 and 6,000 words in Standard Manuscript Format (http://www.shunn.net/format/story.html).

Be typed in Courier or Times New Roman 12

Include your full details (name/address/telephone number/email address)

Be sent to theresa.derwin@yahoo.co.uk as .doc or .rtf documents with the email subject header “SURNAME/BEES/WORDCOUNT”.

Previously published stories WILL be considered for this anthology. Authors will retain copyright.

Multiple submissions up to a maximum of two stories per author can be submitted.

We will write to you within approximately four weeks of the submission deadline to let you know if you have been successful.

We will pay [4%] royalties after cost per story published in ebook and paperback form.

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KnightWatch Press Call for Submissions #2 – Teeming Terrors

I’m posting three calls for submissions on behalf of Theresa Derwin, who is temporarily indisposed. Here’s number two:

Call for Submissions – Teeming Terrors

Currently seeking stories for a nature-run-amok anthology!

Think Hitchcock’s The Birds or Herbert’s The Rats. Think plagues of locusts, and those stories on the news where it rains spiders. Night of the Lepus. Willard.

While we love giant monsters as much as anybody, this time it’s not about size, but sheer NUMBERS. Why have one huge mad killer thing when you could have hundreds of smaller mad killer things?

Send us otherwise ordinary critters, but send them in multitudes. Send us swarms, hordes, flocks, droves, schools, what-have-you. Just make it a LOT of them.

Make it creative. Make it different. Put some less-likely species in the spotlight, unusual settings, bizarre twists.

Maybe they’re on a vengeful, deadly rampage. Maybe they’re simply on the move and woe to whoever gets in the way. Maybe they’re being directed, or maybe they’re acting on their own instinct.

From the creepy-crawly to the cute-and-cuddly, from wildlife to livestock and from household pests to household pets, let’s see what horrors can happen when animals attack!

Email submissions as a .doc or .rtf to christinemariemorgan@gmail.com with Teeming Terrors in the subject line. Standard manuscript format, Times New Roman 12-point preferred.

Deadline – July 30th

Word Count – 1500 to 6000

All submissions should:

Be in Standard Manuscript Format (http://www.shunn.net/format/story.html).

Be written in British English only.

Be typed in Courier or Times New Roman 12

Include your full details (name/address/telephone number/email address)

Be sent to christinemariemorgan@gmail.com as .doc or .rtf documents with the email subject header “SURNAME/TERROR/WORDCOUNT”.

Previously published stories WILL NOT be considered for this anthology. Authors will retain copyright.

Multiple submissions up to a maximum of two stories per author can be submitted.

We will write to you within approximately four weeks of the submission deadline to let you know if you have been successful.

We will pay [4%] royalties after cost per story published in ebook and paperback form.

~

KnightWatch Press Call for Submissions #1 – Chip Shop of Horrors

I’m posting three calls for submissions on behalf of Theresa Derwin, who is temporarily indisposed. So, here we go with the first:

Call for Submissions – Chip Shop of Horrors

The takeaway, the staple of British cuisine and a sign of our multi-culturalism. Yet what lurks beneath the Saturday night doner dripping with fat, the curry with ‘lamb’ and what exactly is Cod Roe anyway?

To be edited by Stewart Hotston and published by KnightWatch Press, Chip Shop Horrors will be an anthology of new stories about the nightmares faced in creating, cooking, delivering and eating fast food. We are looking for stories about takeaway food and everything that could imply. Not the typical horror or mystery story but something from that really forces the reader to consider their next pizza with discomfort and despair.

Stories can be Horror, Psychological, Crime or any other genre as long as it’s fresher than tonight’s sweet and sour sauce! In the end we’re looking for exciting stories about the horrors of takeaways.

Deadline: 31st July 2014

All submissions should:

Be between 4,000 and 6,000 words in Standard Manuscript Format (http://www.shunn.net/format/story.html).

Be written in British English only.

Be typed in Courier or Times New Roman 12

Include your full details (name/address/telephone number/email address)

Be sent to theresa.derwin@yahoo.co.uk as .doc or .rtf documents with the email subject header “SURNAME/CHIPSHOP/WORDCOUNT”.

Previously published stories WILL NOT be considered for this anthology. Authors will retain copyright.

Multiple submissions up to a maximum of two stories per author can be submitted.

We will write to you within approximately four weeks of the submission deadline to let you know if you have been successful.

We will pay [4%] royalties after cost per story published in ebook and paperback form.

~

Friday Flash – Pillow Talk

The fight was over. Grishnak checked the old man’s kit: a pointed hat, an empty pouch, a big stick.

Further back in the cave Krange crouched over the smaller body.

‘Anything?’ Grishnak called.

Krange help up an over-large dagger. Too small to be a sword, to big for a knife. And it glowed, a dim marsh-gas blue.

‘Why’s it do that?’

Krange scratched the warts on her chin. ‘Damned if I know. Novelty torch?’

Grishnak kicked the bare feet of the small corpse. Not even a pair of boots. ‘Stupid bastard. Never would have seen them without it.’

~

# 32 in the ‘Beyond the Streets‘ sequence – a series of 100-word flash fiction.

Et in Arcadia…

Just lying there last night, at the end of the day, mind idling in neutral, I think of a scene, a situation. It’s not from any piece of work, not from anything I’m working on or plan to do:

An ice wind hard and steady across the Siberian steppe. Wolf howls in the distance. Closer…

The crump and creak of deep snow under snow-shoes, laboured breath in a deepening twilight…

Ivan and Pyotr haul their sledge between snow-clad firs. Frost rimes their beards, their breath plumes in the chill air. A steady slog, two miles to the cabins, amber light in the windows, warmth, and company. 

‘Beating the wolves off with one hand,’ my partner suggests. Then: ‘That sounded wrong.’

~

Names have been withheld to protect the guilty.

Free Fiction – All Your Futures Are Belong To Us

I was chatting with my son, Tom, and we got onto the pace of technological change. Long-term space flight seemed problematic to us, because once you’ve launched you’re stuck with the technology you started with. ‘Wouldn’t it be funny,’ Tom said, ‘if you set off to colonise a planet and when you got there other people had already arrived.’

I started to write that humorous story, then tore it up and wrote this one instead. All Your Futures Are Belong To Us

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If you enjoyed this story you can find more of my stories in Open Waters, my collection from theEXAGGERATEDpress.

It’s on Wattpad too.

~

Friday Flash – Evil in Paradise

They called in her dreams: Beyond the compost heap, among the foxgloves. She found them in the morning sun, gossamer humanoid things, large-eyed and curious.

They fluttered all around her and trilled with laughter: You came.

One by one she caught them, tore away their pretty rags, pulled their wings and pinched off their heads. Each and every one.

‘Alice! Alice, come in for tea.’

In the night, in her dreams, Alice danced and danced. Danced her feet to bloody stumps. Danced with flowers in her hair, laughed and sang and did not care.

Until she woke.

~

No. 31 in the ‘Beyond the Streets‘ sequence – a series of 100-word flash fiction.

Top Ten Writing Tips #10 – The Road Goes Ever On…

It might feel like that, and there’s always something else to talk about, but all these musings of mine are supposed to be a means to an end, not an end in themselves. Reading books and articles on writing can easily become a form of prevarication (so can blogging), so for now at least this is the end of my series and I’ll be getting on with my own writing for a while.

I’m sure I’ll be back. Gaie and I can natter on endlessly about writing. There’s this thing, and there’s that. Oh, and then that other thing too.

So what are those things? What else could I write about instead of actually getting on with the writing itself? Here, in condensed form, are:

Five More Top Tips!

1. Give yourself breaks and holidays. When I finish an ms I can crash for a few days. I’ve learned not to beat myself up if that happens. If you run a marathon at least sit down and have a cup of tea* before running the next one.

As a coda to this – celebrate your achievements! You finished a story, a book – Yay! And if it’s a biggie, open the fizz.

2. Give, don’t take. Blogs like this help pay it forwards. You had help and advice, return the compliment by helping those behind you. Getting published is not a zero-sum game.

3. It’s not about you. It can feel like it, but it never is. Criticism, reception, it’s all about your writing. It can be frustrating as hell, but it’s not about you. Unless you’re being a dick.

4. Don’t be a dick.

5. Finish what you start. 10 stories 90% written are no stories finished. You’ve got nothing. Finish it, then write something else.

There’s a coda to this too. If you’re struggling with something, if you no longer believe in it, walk away. I’ve got 20,000 words of a novel I know I will never finish. Half the ideas have been used elsewhere, and I might get back to the rest one day, just not in that form.

Coda to this coda: Never throw anything away, There’s often meat to be picked off an old carcass.

6. Keep your sense of humour.

And there are those books on writing. Two I really like, from the opposite ends of the spectrum are:

Techniques for the Selling Writer, Dwight V. Swain

The Writer’s Journey, Mythic Structure for Writers, Christopher Vogler

Swain’s book addresses the practical nuts and bolts of writing, why you do certain things and when not to, and is full of excellent pragmatic advice. Vogler writes primarily about the archetypes underlying characters. If Swain’s book is about how you do it, Vogler’s is about what it is you’ve actually done. You might not agree with Vogler, you might find Swain’s style old-fashioned, what they will do is help you think about what you’re doing.

On Writing, by Stephen King is also very good. And if you write genre fiction Jeff Vandermeer’s recent Wonderbook is highly recommended.

(And I’ve just remembered on I’ve long wanted to read – John Gardner’s The Art of Fiction. Found it! Bought it! I’ll let you know.)

These books are not only worth reading, they are worth dipping back into from time to time as reminders and prompts. Between all that – the writing, and the road.

And Finally:

Beyond the Two Rules there are no rules, only guidelines. If there is a rule it’s that there is always an exception to the rule. (Except for this rule, because that would be a paradox and would also prove it’s not a rule. I digress.) Those two rules are:

1. Writers Write

2. There are no other rules

Simples.

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* And cake. If there’s time for a cup of tea there is inevitably time for cake. And that is a good thing, Frodo.

~