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7 Lessons That Surprised Me After 7 Years of Marriage

Today, my wife Ashley and I celebrate seven years of marriage. I’ve learned so much about life and relationships from this woman, so much of which has surprised me.

Photo credit: Jimmy Rintjema

Over the weekend, Ashley and I went out to eat at a super-fancy place thanks to a gift card from a friend. While gorging ourselves on every appetizer, entree, and dessert we could stuff in our mouths, we reflected on our life together and what we want the future to look like.

Afterwards, I was struck by the fact that marriage did not turn out the way I thought it would. It ended up being much, much better.

Here are seven somewhat surprising lessons I’ve learned from my marriage, and these apply to a lot more than just matrimony:

You were not meant to be alone. I don’t think everyone needs to or even should get married, but I do know that life happens best in community. And having a partner by your side is essential to staying encouraged and staying sane. I used to think that you needed to learn to be okay on your own before getting married (and there’s some truth to that), but now I know that we were meant to need each other.
You can’t make someone else happy. But you can help them find their own happiness. You can drive yourself nuts trying to fix someone else. It’s better just to love them and do what you can to guide them to where they, not you, want to go.
You have to celebrate the good but remember the bad. No one should live a life of regret, but remembering the moments when you’ve failed will help you not repeat the same mistakes later.
You don’t think things can change until they do. A friend who’s been married 25 years told me the one thing he wished more people would realize is how much a person can change. There’s hope. In spite of what we often believe and say, people do, in fact, change. They just get stuck sometimes in familiar patterns and don’t know how to break out of them. Ashley has taught me so many things about being a grownup, things I thought were impossible to learn… until I did.
You should never apologize with the word “but.” Apologies do not come with exceptions or rationalizations (I am still learning this). And “I was wrong” sounds a lot more convincing than a halfhearted “I’m sorry.” This was hard for me, because I fear not being heard, but I now know that an apology with a reason for why I did what I did is really just an excuse.
You should always have something to look forward to. Anticipation can break the monotony of familiarity. That’s not to say that the daily routine can’t be a beautiful thing; it can be. But we all get bored sometimes and need a goal to aim for. Hope produces joy.
Your quirks are what make you lovable. It’s not true that opposites always attract, but it’s also not true that you should marry someone just like you. Or partner in business with them, for that matter. The truth is we need each other’s quirks and idiosyncrasies — in life and relationship. Our differences don’t divide us. They make us need one another.

So whether you’re married or have a best friend you couldn’t part with, what’s one surprising lesson you’ve learned from a long-term relationship? Share in the comments.

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Published on January 12, 2015 08:36

The Wonderful Ache of Beauty (Why We Need Art)

The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched – they must be felt with the heart.

–Helen Keller

I was just minding my own business. It was an ordinary Tuesday morning. Then I watched this. And everything changed.

Photo Credit: Guillermo Salinas via Compfight cc

I’ve heard that song before, heard those words before, even seen the original artists sing it live. But there was something about this time, that song sung that way, that left me undone. It made me realize how much I had been rushing.

The song caught me off guard and nearly brought me to tears. I wasn’t expecting that, which is a problem. We tend to the beautiful things in life as privileges, indulgences. But what if they were anything but that?

What if art was essential?

Recently on the The Walking Dead, a character found a priceless Caravaggio painting abandoned on the street, as if it were trash. “It doesn’t have a place anymore,” he lamented. “Art isn’t about survival. It’s about transcendence. Being more than animals, rising above.”

“We can’t do that anymore?” the young Beth asked.

“I don’t know.”

And the question just lingered, unresolved till the end of the episode.

Art arrests us

It’s an important consideration: Is there any room in this world, in our lives, for beauty? Or have we maximized every moment, scheduling and programming ourselves down to the last drop?

There is something powerful about art, something that captures our attention and causes us to stop in our tracks. This is why I love music and travel and long walks in October. These activities are all so beautifully inconvenient and inefficient.

Maybe the best moments in our lives aren’t meant to be so cut and dried. Maybe the mess is beautiful.

Have you ever been swept up in a song or taken in by the beauty of the outdoors?

Has someone you love captured your heart at a certain point, and it felt like they wouldn’t let go?

Do you remember what that felt like?

My guess is, in a word, you felt… alive. There was maybe even an ache to it.

Art reminds us of our humanity

“I remember that it hurt, looking at her,” I heard a lovesick boy say in a movie once. Maybe love’s like that. Maybe beauty was meant to arrest us. But, as C.S. Lewis wrote, maybe that was just the beginning:

The books or the music in which we thought the beauty was located will betray us if we trust to them; it was not in them, it only came through them, and what came through them was longing…

For they are not the thing itself; they are only the scent of a flower we have not found, the echo of a tune we have not heard, news from a country we have never yet visited.

Art, it seems, is a reminder of who we really are, or perhaps who we ought to be. And life, I think, is what we find when we slow down and allow the beauty to envelop us. When we embrace what is right in front of us and believe it’s worth our attention.

But in order to do this, in order to find the life we all want, we must be stopped, thwarted from our petty pursuits and led down a nobler path.

There is something inspiring about art, something invigorating in a piece of music that so perfectly slays you. We all want to be found in those moments that steal us away from the urgent and allow us to get lost in the so-very-neglected-but-important.

These moments, though, don’t just happen. We have to invite them. We have to make room for them, even if it’s only for three minutes while watching a video on YouTube. In the end, they’re worth whatever sacrifices we have to make.

Have you ever experienced art that made you ache? Share in the comments.

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Published on January 09, 2015 02:00

037: Look at Me: Getting Your Work the Attention it Deserves [Podcast]

In this day of smart phones and social media, we are constantly being bombarded with distractions. The amount of things begging for our attention is endless. So how do you focus enough to do work that matters?

Everyone wants to be noticed. We all want people to recognize what we’re doing and acknowledge our innate value. That recognition can help you feel like you’re contributing something worthwhile. And you know what? It’s not bad to want attention, but you’ve got to be willing to do the work to get it.

Because the truth is someone already is noticing you. It’s up to you and me to make the most of the attention we already have. You may not have thousands of followers, but you do have someone who is listening right now. And that’s where the real life change happens, anyway.

Making a difference isn’t about being popular. It’s about doing the kind of work that connects with people.

In this episode of The Portfolio Life, my co-host Andy Traub and I talk about how to break through the noise of the world and get your work the attention it deserves.

Listen to the podcast

To listen to the show, click the player below. (If you’re reading this via email, click here).

You can also listen at iTunes or on Stitcher.

Show highlights

In this episode we discuss:

Personal life stories that prove valuable lessons
Different ways people can grow their platform
Long-form blogging and micro blogging — Which one should you use?
Why we should focus on getting really good at something instead of pursuing passion
Making the most of the attention you already have

Resources mentioned in the show

Is Micro Blogging Better? by Larry Alton
Why John Oliver’s #longwatch Videos Keep Going Viral article at Yahoo Tech
Seth Godin’s new book project
StrenghtsFinder 2.o by Tom Rath (affiliate link)
So Good They Can’t Ignore You by Cal Newport (affiliate link)

You can also sign up for an Audible membership (my preferred way to listen to audiobooks and how I am able to read several books each month) and get your first book for free (also an affiliate link).

I hope you enjoyed this week’s episode. If you know someone who would benefit from it, feel free to download and share it. Since iTunes only cares about comparison, we’d appreciate it if you would leave a review on iTunes.

How do you get attention in the midst of all the noise? Share in the comments.

You just finished reading 037: Look at Me: Getting Your Work the Attention it Deserves [Podcast]! Consider leaving a comment!

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Published on January 07, 2015 07:00

Get Your Message Shared with This Simple Tactic

Editor’s note: This is a guest post by Daniel Decker, who specializes in helping authors build platforms, launch books, and turn their message into a sustainable business. You can follow him on his blog and on Twitter.

If you are on Twitter, Facebook or any other form of social media then you know how it feels when you post something that gets liked or shared, especially when it gets shared a lot.

Get Your Message Shared with This Simple Tactic

Photo Credit: jrhode via Compfight cc

It’s a good feeling isn’t it? Not just for the validation of your message but also for the increased reach and impact that you know you are having. Now, imagine how you would feel if you could get your message shared more.

You can.

There is a simple tactic that you could implement today to help to get your message shared by more people.

Here it is: create a share page for your blog or website.

Simply put, this is a page that has pre-created messages that people can easily share. It can be a mix of some of your most engaging thoughts, quotes, or post in the form of embedded tweets, shareable image quotes, and other shareable content. It’s a makeup of messages you feel people will gravitate towards most and want to share with others.

These are not “promotional” messages necessarily, although they can be depending on the use, they are primarily messages with solid content that people find of value and want to share.

As a result, your reach expands and so does your impact (for your core message or whatever it is that you are trying to bring attention to).

A share page works great with a launch

You can use a share page specifically around a book or product launch.

See an example here of one bestselling author Jon Gordon used when we launched his book The Carpenter. Not only did it included embedded Tweets and images for downloading and/or posting to Pinterest but it also included sample blog or email copy that fans could use to help promote the book.

In Jon’s case, content messages such as this one below were shared a lot:

“You aren’t a true success unless you are helping others be successful.” – @jongordon11 #LoveServeCare www.Carpenter11.com

Since the messages also included the link, the book site received a ton of traffic which then resulted in increased book sales, new email subscribers and social media followers.

Imagine 50, 100, 1000 or more of your fans all utilizing and posting the messages you provide at a time frame you suggest. The concentrated impact combined with the reach is phenomenal and the results are exponential.

It doesn’t have to be exclusive to a launch either

A share page can be a page on your site that you keep as a resource for fans and new visitors.

It can be in your site navigation as a link or perhaps as a link in a THANK YOU email that someone gets after signing up for something from your site (email list, webinar, etc). It’s a place where people can engage with some of your best material and share it with others simply because they find it of value.

See an example used as a promo page after someone signed up for our recent Author Platform Summit here. The page is very simple but it asked for people to click links to Tweet their favorite speaker. It worked amazingly well.

If you decide to create a general SHARE page on your site, I’d also suggest adding simple SHARE THIS SITE links at the top of the page to make it easy for someone to click and share your site as well. Then proceed with the rest of your content driven shareable messages down the page.

Take a look at a sample share page for Jeff Goins here to illustrate how simple it can be. It’s also a great example of how you can utilize the power of pre-created content to encourage increased sharing.

Why does a share page work?

It’s the easy button. When you have pre-created content with share links, it removes friction by making it EASY for people to share. When it’s easy, people take action.

Pro Tip: If you are on Twitter you can go back and see a few of your most popular Tweets by using www.MyTopTweet.com. It’s free.

You might start by posting some of your most popular content on your share page because you already know that it resonates naturally. You can also type in other Twitter user’s names to see their top tweets (which could then give you additional content ideas that you might want to utilize because you’ll know the messages resonate with others).

Sounds good right?

Now, how do you create one of your own?

Here are four steps:

Create a SHARE page on your website or blog. Follow the framework of the examples cited above.
Create embedded Tweets using ClickToTweet.com. You can copy and paste your Tweet message and ClickToTweet.com will create a custom link for your message (Basic Link feature on their site). You can then just copy that link into your TWEET THIS NOW line.
Create custom shareable images. It’s best if you get images professional done by a designer or use a service like 99designs.com. I typically make images in 612×612 pixel format so that they work well for most forms of social media (from Instagram to Pinterest, Facebook and Twitter) or you can create optimized images for each medium. You can also use text overlay app’s like Wordswag. Embedding the image and Pinterest button on your SHARE page is a little more advanced so you may want to get a web designer to help you. Here is the link to create your Pinterest embed button. You can find one to do it quick and affordably from enlace.com or any number of places.
Add any other additional content and you’re set.

Do you now plan to create a share page on your site? Tell me about it and any other ways have you found that help to get your message shared in comments.

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Published on January 03, 2015 02:00

How to Not Set Yourself up for Failure with New Year’s Resolutions

A few months ago, I cussed at the scale in my bathroom. I had been working out and eating well for months and all I’d lost was a measly three pounds.

Photo Credit: foshydog via Compfight cc

I didn’t get it. What had I done wrong? After talking to a fitness professional, I realized maybe nothing. It just takes time. However, he did suggest perhaps I had been measuring the wrong thing.

Whether it’s losing weight or writing a book or making more money, most people won’t complete their resolutions this year.

In fact, many will fail within the first month of trying. They’ll get frustrated and throw their hands up in the air, thinking it’s futile. Shame will creep in, followed by guilt and inaction. And before they know it, a whole year will have gone by and the cycle will all start over.

There is a way, however, that leads to breakthrough instead of disappointment when it comes to setting and achieving goals.

Measure the process, not the outcome

Instead of setting a goal to write a book this year, what if you decided to write 500 words a day? It may take several months or even the whole year, but if you put in enough time and stick to the schedule you’ll achieve your goal — eventually.

Or instead of saying you want to lose 20 pounds, what if you just decided to go to the gym every other day, no matter what? You might not shed a ton of weight at once, but if you kept up the habit, you’d start seeing the results you wanted — eventually.

Or instead of declaring to your spouse that you want a better marriage, what if you decided to do something extra nice every day without expectation? You might not have a better relationship overnight, but I’m willing to bet that as you stayed the course things would begin to improve — eventually.

And of course that’s the operative word: eventually.

Do you see the difference here? The typical goal-setting mindset tends to focus on the outcome with little to no regard for the process it takes to get there.

That’s like saying you want to drive from New York to Los Angeles without looking at how much gas is in the tank. Just simply saying it won’t get you there. But if you plan a little, focusing on each leg in the journey and what you need to complete it, you’ll get there. Eventually.

As I like to say, if you do the work, you will see the results.

The 20-mile march

In his book Great by Choice, author Jim Collins tells the stories of two explorers wanting to be the first to visit the South Pole. One plans on everything going more or less according to his expectations, and when things don’t, it sets him back. The other, however, decides to march 20 miles every day, no matter what.

The first explorer blames everything, even the weather, for his failure. He and his team do, in fact, reach the South Pole, but sadly they all die on the return voyage home. The second explorer not only succeeds in reaching Antarctica first but lives to tell the tale.

There’s a lot we can learn from this approach in how we set and achieve our own goals.

Collins calls this slow-and-steady planning process The 20-mile March and says it’s a common trait in the greatest of leaders. They don’t set over-ambitious goals or unrealistic targets. Instead, they strategically map out where they want to go and what it will take to get there. And consistently, they achieve their goals.

So will you, if you can let go of the obsession we have with results and pay attention to what matters most — the process. Your daily habits. Don’t neglect those and you’ll get to where you want to be eventually.

It just takes:

the right attitude: “I will get there eventually”
the right process: “Here’s what I need to do every day”
and enough time.

When you don’t see the results you want, you either need to change your attitude, the process, or wait a little longer. But the truth is you don’t have control over the outcome. What you can control 100% of the way, though, is the process.

So remember to celebrate small victories along the way, even if it’s a measly three pounds.

If you want to do this with writing, I recommend you sign up for my free 31-day writing challenge to kick off the New Year with a daily writing habit.

And if you want to make sure you set the right resolutions this new year, I recommend you register for this live Q&A with Michael on the secret to setting resolutions that stick.

How do you set yourself up for failure with goals and resolutions? Share in the comments by clicking here.

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Published on January 02, 2015 06:26

The Real Reason We Don’t Set Goals

I used to dream of what my future would look like. I’d fantasize about becoming a writer or having the freedom to do what I wanted. And then life would drift by, indifferent to my dreams, and I’d find myself wondering, “Where did it all go?”

Photo Credit: VisualAge via Compfight cc

I was living but wasn’t fully alive. I had a job, but wasn’t really doing the work I was meant to do.

As is the case for many, my twenties were a period of feeling like I was clawing around in the dark, unsure of what I was supposed to be doing or even where I was headed. The experience taught me a lot, but I can’t help but feel like maybe I wasted that time.

During this decade of confusion, I’d occasionally think of what I wanted life to look like but then I’d never followed through on that vision. Something was missing, something important, something that was beyond difficult for me:

I needed a plan.

Why we don’t set goals

It’s hard now for me to admit now that I spent so much time waiting for the right moment to take control of my life, but I did.

Though, I am finding this isn’t so rare. A lot of people treat their lives as something that happens to them than a grand adventure in which they have a part to play.

When it comes to goals, many of us freeze. We get paralyzed. Sure, we have dreams, but to state them out loud or plot a course for achieving such things seems pointless.

Why do we do this? Why don’t we set goals?

There are a few reasons, I think:

We’re scared.
We’re lazy.
We don’t know what we really want.

When I recently interviewed Michael Hyatt on the subject of goal-setting, he shed some light on why so many seem to get stuck in dreaming that doesn’t lead to action.

The secret to succeeding in your goals is, in fact, three things:

Courage. You need to lean into the fear, not avoid it. Discomfort is a sign you’re on the right track. Don’t avoid the situations that feel challenging or audacious, because that’s where we tend to grow the most.
Commitment. Yes, you actually have to do some work. Living the best year of your life won’t necessarily be easy, but it will be exciting – a grand adventure worth dedicating your life to. And it all begins with a decision to start.
Clarity. Before you can set a goal, much less achieve one, you have to know what you want. You have to be clear about who you are and where you want to end up in life.

You have to have all three of these if you’re going to live the kind of life that you dream of.

The life you’ve always dreamed of

A few years ago, I finally wrote down some goals. It felt scary and silly, but I did it, anyway. These goals included:

Write and publish a book.
Make enough money to support my wife so she could stay home and be a full-time mom.
Quit my job and become a full-time author, speaker, and coach.

The target date for these goals was 2021. They were 10-year goals. I ended up accomplishing them in less than two years. In fact, I exceeded every single goal I set in one-fifth the time I thought it would take.

How did this happen?

I wrote my goals down so that I could get clear about exactly what I wanted and then committed to a course of action that would get me there. And in less than a quarter of the time I thought it would take, I achieved every goal.

What do you need to actually live the life you dream of? The best place to begin is to imagine what you want your life to look in a year, or even a decade, from now. Then ask yourself how you can begin to work backwards from there. It won’t be easy, necessarily, but at the same time this isn’t rocket science.

Achieving your goals is a merely a matter of courage, commitment, and clarity.

So what does that mean for you?

It’s no coincidence that the year I finally wrote down those goals were in the context of a coaching group I had joined. I had a community to support me and people to hold me accountable to pursuing my dream.

When it comes to goal setting, we all need help. That’s why I’m thrilled to take part in Michael Hyatt’s 5 Days to Your Best Year Ever program. If you need some more help in this area, I highly recommend it. This is the second year he’s done it, and I intend to take it every year.

Investing five days in an action plan that leads to what could be your best year ever seems like a small investment. Does it? I would love for you to join me in reclaiming 2015 as the year when our wildest dreams come true.

I’m a proud affiliate of this course, which means if you sign up for it, I get a commission. But remember: I don’t endorse anything I don’t use and love myself. And you can download all kinds of free stuff without having to buy the course:

Find out more about how to have your best year ever by signing up for this free video series (if you haven’t already done so).

Download this free eBook on how top influencers plan their year.

And once you do that, answer this question…

Have you ever written down your goals? What happened? Share in the comments.

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Are you ready to embrace the "in-between" and experience all life has to offer? Check out my new book.

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Published on December 31, 2014 02:00

Looking Back (Honestly) at the Past Year

In case you haven’t been on Facebook lately, you may have missed that everyone and their brother is sharing a photo collage of the past year.

Facebook: Year in Review

One friend pointed out that hers was entirely inaccurate, though. “No photos of me crying on the kitchen floor over another failed recipe,” she said.

I love that.

There’s this sense, I think, that we ought to be showing our best selves online. And maybe we are missing the point when we do that.

On Instagram, we display well-edited versions of our best moments.
On Twitter, we post our pithiest remarks and save the stupid things we say (hopefully) for offline chatter.
On Facebook, we share what we want with whom we want to see it.

We are not living our true selves in front of the world, much less in front of those who matter most. We are curating memories and moments as if they were pieces of art to be hung on the walls while the rest gets stuffed in the basement.

Why do we do this?

I think it has to do with fear. We hide because we are afraid of being known. Because at our core many of us believe we are unlovable. If people really knew me, I often think, they wouldn’t like, much less love, me.

But maybe we have this all wrong. In his upcoming book Scary Close Donald Miller points out that our shortcomings are what make us lovable. If we were perfect, there would be no need for grace to fill in the cracks of our inadequacies.

It’s a beautiful thought. We spend all this time trying to reach perfection. But what if all this effort wasn’t actually leading us where we thought?

The “real” me

Recently, I’ve been reconsidering my priorities.

Do I really want to become more popular? Do I really need to be famous? Or would I rather just be better than I was yesterday? “There is no fun in being famous,” Frederick Buechner once wrote, “unless everyone is famous.” I’m starting to agree.

If my life were a movie, I think right now it would be anticlimactic. An artsy drama with a killer soundtrack and believable characters, but nothing too gripping to keep you in your seat.

The protagonist would be a sarcastic hero who never really breaks out of his bad habits. You’d like him but never see him grow into who he was capable of being. The credits would roll, and you’d find yourself feeling frustrated.

Is it any wonder these are the kinds of movies I am attracted to? Understated but beautiful flicks like Garden State and Dan in Real Life? There is a certain poetry and artistic integrity to unresolved conflicts, but are these the stories we want to be living? I’m not so sure.

Currently, I’m working through Michael Hyatt’s 5 Days to Your Best Year Ever course, and one of the first exercises is to reflect on your past year. Instead of looking at my Facebook timeline, I’m asking myself three hard questions.

Question #1: Where have I settled?

Looking back, I can count many successes from this year:

I made more money than I ever had in my life,
I met new and interesting people,
I traveled to interesting places like Italy and Africa.

But in many ways, I still feel like I played it safe, like I wasn’t fully realizing who I was born to be. So the question must be asked:

Have I settled?

I think maybe I have. Maybe I’ve settled for a life that is mostly about me, one in which my self-worth is measured by how many people leave a comment on my blog or by how much money is in my bank account. And — I don’t know — that just feels a little off-track.

Which brings me to my second question…

Question #2: Did I measure the wrong things?

Measuring your success can be healthy. Goals can be good, and metrics help you focus. But for me, constantly checking the numbers has become ammunition for beating myself up.

Too often this year, I’ve sought out criticism not out of a genuine interest to grow, but as an excuse to confirm my insecurities. But the truth is I’ll never be good enough, never measure up to my expectations. Because I am always changing those expectations, always wanting more.

And as the target moves, I keep flinging arrows and cussing under my breath when I miss the mark. “If you keep that up,” a friend told me, “you will become a miserable old man.”

He’s right.

I can’t continue moving the target without taking time to adjust my aim. I have to redefine what success looks like (more on that soon). But that’s not to say you can’t learn from failure. Or that you shouldn’t acknowledge your shortcomings.

Which brings me to my third and final question…

Question #3: Where have I failed?

In spite of some success, I have failed this year. Quite a lot, actually. But not in the most obvious, share-it-on-Facebook ways. Continually, I have missed the mark in one major area: relationships.

In particular, I have failed to love in these three areas:

Loving my wife. I’ve not been the husband my wife deserves. I don’t know that I’ve been a “bad” husband and doubt Ashley would characterize me as that. But I know that I’ve played it safe here, that I haven’t been as bold and audacious as I could have been. I want to change that, want to be someone who is interested in others as much as he is in himself. And that begins with my bride.
Loving my readers. I love the work that I do, but at times I’ve made my job too much about my own success and not enough about helping the most people. I don’t think making money or growing your business is innately bad, but I’m starting to get bored with focusing too much on the bottom line. I want impact to be my most important metric.
Loving myself. I mentioned to a friend that I wanted to lose about twenty pounds, and he said to me, “Do you need to lose weight?” I think I do, but more than that, I want to. Getting into better shape would give me more confidence and make me feel more comfortable. Which is a major theme for next year: self-care. I’m intentionally investing in becoming a healthier person — physically, emotionally, and spiritually. For what good is it for a man to gain the whole world and lose himself in the process?

You can really beat yourself up with this question of “where have I failed?” But for me, it’s about addressing the areas I’ve avoided because I know they’re going to reveal my shortcomings. I tend to not want to do things that I won’t be any good at, and sometimes, that’s just not an option.

Looking forward

Now that I know these things, what will I do about them? I want to do more meaningful work, reach more people, and live a happier life. I want to love well the people that matter the most.

I want to feel like George Bailey does at the end of It’s a Wonderful Life. When I’m on my death bed, looking back at my life, I want to know that I ran the race well. Not that I was the most famous or most successful, but as Harry Bailey puts it in the very last scene, “the richest man I know!”

Of course, he means rich in relationships. And now, as the cold wind of winter finally creeps in to my part of the world, I wonder if there is any other kind.

If you want to make this next year your best year ever, I encourage you to not just look at the things that are easy to share, but to dig deep and ask yourself the tough questions. Not just with what you’re willing to post on Facebook. You might be surprised by what you find.

Have you ever done an honest yearly review? Get started by watching these free videos from Michael Hyatt. Chris Guillebeau also has a great tool for this process.

How would you answer the above questions? Share in the comments.

You just finished reading Looking Back (Honestly) at the Past Year! Consider leaving a comment!

Are you ready to embrace the "in-between" and experience all life has to offer? Check out my new book.

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Published on December 29, 2014 02:00

A Simple Way to Carve Out Time in Your Week for What Really Matters

For seven years, I worked for a nonprofit, managing teams in various departments and communicating with team members and colleagues. Inevitably, this meant a lot of communication with a lot of different people.

I felt like I was being productive, but in fact it was the opposite.

This is one of the biggest challenges facing any growing organization. As you get bigger, you create systems and hire people to help you scale for growth. But with each step towards bigger, you increase your distance from the work you set out to do. Or at least, that’s the temptation.

In my case, I was spending four to six hours a day in my email inbox, on the phone, and in meetings. And I wasn’t getting any of the real work that needed doing, done. It all felt so overwhelming.

Some days, I just went from one meeting to the next. Others, I’d send and receive hundreds of emails, ending the day with a false sense of accomplishment, like my worth was tied up in my ability to reply to everyone else’s needs.

I was busy doing many things but wasn’t accomplishing the most important things.

The difference between busy and productive

The difference between busyness and productivity is this:

Staying busy is what happens when you are caught constantly responding to the most urgent needs around you.

Being productive is the result of actively addressing the most important items on your own to-do list.

The latter takes discipline and a good deal of saying no, but it can mean a lot less stress and anxiety for you and a lot more of the essential stuff getting done.

Most everyone I talk to is busy. We all have more than enough to do on our plates. We can’t possibly respond to every need that comes our way. So being intentional about how we do respond to the daily demands on our time is essential to doing work we can be proud of.

But this is much easier said than done. The main areas people struggle with this are:

Having too many things to do.
Constantly responding to other people’s requests.
Talking about doing things instead of doing them.

A simple way for you to stop being busy doing so many things and start focusing on the most important things is for you to regain control of your schedule. The fruit of such a decision can be nothing short of life-changing.

When you start making your schedule work for you instead of the other way around, you begin to focus on what matters most. And you leave the rest in the “someday” category. It can feel pretty liberating.

Three daily disciplines to master

So let’s go back to my days at the nonprofit and how I regained control of my day-to-day. There were a few things I did, but in a nutshell, I stopped reacting to my day and instead starting attacking it with intention. Here’s what that looks like:

Decide to do one important thing every day. Having a daily to-do list of a dozen items that each take at least an hour to accomplish is going to leave you feeling frustrated and overwhelmed. Instead, set one absolutely important task for the day that you have to do. Everything after that is gravy.
Wait an hour before checking email. Use this first hour of the day to focus on your most important priority. And here’s the kicker: actually do it. Don’t procrastinate or wait; just get the deed done. You’ll be surprised how much momentum you feel throughout your day after doing this. (Pro tip: check email once in the morning and once in the afternoon.)
Batch your meetings. Even on days when I only had a handful of meetings, I noticed that it was hard to get into a productive groove when every couple hours I had a meeting or phone call. The disruption made it difficult to focus. I was drifting from one thing to the next, being ruled by other people’s schedules, but wasn’t getting my own stuff done.

That’s it. Don’t react to your day; attack it. Make your schedule work for you, not the other way around. [Tweet]

Still struggling? Start here…

You don’t have to be amazing to get started. I struggle with these things on a daily basis. One of the most embarrassing parts about being a full-time writer is that I still have to fight for time to write. Every single day.

But if I don’t schedule it and prioritize it, it doesn’t get done. And I know I’m not the only one. So if all this feels overwhelming or like too much to handle, just pick one discipline to start: Try waiting to check email or schedule anything for that first hour of the day, and then do the same for the last hour of the day.

That alone would give you back an extra 10 hours a week (one hour at the beginning of the day and one at the end, times five). And this is just the beginning of a whole world of possibilities.

Note: This idea of shaving 10 hours off your work week was originated by Michael Hyatt.

What could you do with an extra ten hours a week? Share in the comments.

You just finished reading A Simple Way to Carve Out Time in Your Week for What Really Matters! Consider leaving a comment!

Are you ready to embrace the "in-between" and experience all life has to offer? Check out my new book.

View more on Jeff Goins's website »

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Published on December 22, 2014 02:00

A Simple Way to Shave Time Off Your Week and Get More Done

For seven years, I worked for a nonprofit, managing teams in various departments and communicating with team members and colleagues. Inevitably, this meant a lot of communication with a lot of different people.