Beth K. Vogt's Blog, page 21

In Others’ Words: The Hardest Arithmetic

I’m not a math person.

Start talking about any kind of math — algebra, geometry, statistics — and there’s instant white noise in my head.

“I’m sorry but I can’t hear you any longer . . . “

But the challenge of counting my blessings? That’s the kind of math I want to conquer.

Counting blessings … that should be simple enough, right?

But I think it’s all too easy to overlook our blessings — all the reasons we have to be grateful during any given day. We’re focused on all the things we have to do — the all important tasks at hand. Or we’re recounting the frustrations piling up. The perceived injustices — or the actual ones. The missed opportunities. The failures. The “no’s” and the “nots” instead of the “yes’s” and the “you mays.”

But here’s the thing: when we make the simple choice to count one blessing, we more easily see a second, and then a third . . . and the hardest arithmetic becomes easier and easier.

In Your Words: Let’s count blessings today! What’s a blessing you’d like to share with us? I’m blessed by every single person who joins in the conversation here. I’m also blessed by my early morning walks each day — they are such a great way to begin each day. Okay, counting 1 and 2 …

In Others' Words: The Hardest Arithmetic http://bit.ly/2MsAUGE #quotes #gratitude
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'The hardest arithmetic to master is that which enables us to count our blessings.' http://bit.ly/2MsAUGE #Quote by Eric Hoffer #blessings
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In Others’ Words: Don’t Stop Playing

It seems the older we get, the more serious life becomes.

Or is George Bernard Shaw correct that becoming so serious is what ages us? 

I admit that as I’ve gotten older, I’ve had to remind myself more and more often to have fun. Life demands so much of me — and when I say “life,” I mean “adulting.” 

There’s no time left for playing when you come to the end of a day filled with responsibilities — all the “have to’s” and “you should’s” and “did you remember to’s.”

Stop and think about how fun it is to play — whatever brings a smile to your face and causes you to laugh out loud.

Maybe it is:

a family game night playing Uno and Scrabble and Scotland Yard.
time spent putting a puzzle together.
kayaking on a lake with your spouse.
painting or sketching. 
trying new recipes — or even having a family burger cook-off challenge.
building block castles with a toddler and letting them knock it down, over and over again, just because it makes them laugh.
hiking for the fun of it — not to reach a destination, but yes, to enjoy the journey — the outdoors, and the company of friends.

 

We often hear the phrase, “I’m too tired to adult today.” Maybe we’re so tired of adulting because it’s no fun. We’ve grown up and decided we have to stop having fun and be responsible and serious. Well, yes, real life demands that of us — there’s no getting around that truth. But I think we’d be better adults if we take the time to have fun … to laugh … to remember how good it is to play every once and a while — and then do just that.

In Your Words: If you could take a “play” break today, what would you do? I’d love for you to join the conversation and share what brings a smile to your face — maybe even what causes you to laugh out loud.

In Others' Words: Don't Stop Playing http://bit.ly/2KlrYlO #perspective #havefun
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We don't stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing. http://bit.ly/2KlrYlO #age #quote
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GOODREADS GIVEAWAY: ONLY 4 MORE DAYS to enter the Goodreads Giveaway  for a chance to win one of the 100 Kindle ebooks of my latest release, Things I Never Told You.

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In Others’ Words: A Peace of My Mind

I don’t want to do anger anymore.

I understand that there are going to be times when I get irritated about something or maybe even lose my temper. Life happens, right? But I don’t want to stay angry. I don’t want to be an angry person.

I also don’t want to hang around angry people because, well, I can too easily get caught up in their emotion. Their frustration. Their resentment. Their impatience. Their hatred … because yes, sometimes anger becomes something uglier.

And, as Emerson says, anger steals my peace of mind. Anger is a hot emotion that disrupts my thoughts about others, about a situation, about my choices.

Anger, quite honestly, is often a waste of time.

I’m not foolish enough to think that I’m going to be at peace with everyone in my life. I’m living with that reality every day. But a difficult relationship doesn’t automatically mean that I’m angry with someone else. I can acknowledge difficulties and work through my emotions to a place of peace, even forgiveness,  within in my heart.

Sixty seconds of anger or sixty seconds of peace? Give me peace, please — and really, the choice is mine.

In Your Words: What choice or action helps you find peace of mind when you’re tempted to get angry?

In Others' Words: A Peace of My Mind http://bit.ly/2K4gINX #anger #perspective
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'For every minute you remain #angry, you give up sixty seconds of peace of mind.' #quote by Ralph Waldo Emerson http://bit.ly/2K4gINX
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GOODREADS GIVEAWAY: Enter the Goodreads Giveaway from June 1-30 for a chance to win one of the 100 Kindle ebooks of my latest release, Things I Never Told You.

Enter the June 1-30 #GoodReadsGiveaway to win one of the 100 #Kindle ebooks of Things I Never Told You by award-winning author @bethvogt. @LibraryJournal praised this novel for its “emotionally rich drama.” https://buff.ly/2LcUDcW
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In Others’ Words: Are You Interested?

Take a close look at the graphic for today’s blog. Do you see what I see … the image etched in that insignificant stone? When I saw it during my early morning walk a few days ago, I stopped and stared and yes, took a photo.

There’s a heart shape outlined in that stone. It’s not perfect, but it’s there.

I look for heart shapes hidden in nature during my daily walks. (Waving at my writer-friend, Betsy Haddox, who inspired me to do this.) I don’t find them every day, but when I do, it’s like a whispered, “I love you” from God.

To find hidden hearts, I have to be intentional. Purposeful.

To find my way into another person’s heart I have to be intentional too. The best way to do that? To be more interested in someone else — what they’re thinking, what they care about — than I am about myself.

It’s so easy to go into a new relationship, a friendship, thinking, “Will they like me? What should I say? What should I do?” Once started on the me-focused path, it’s all the easier to stay centered on me-myself-and-I.

But if I want to discover another person’s heart, I need to purpose to think more about who they are, what they like, what they’ve shared with me in the past — and turn the conversation, the questions to them, and away from me. 

In Your Words: How do you show interest in another person, either early on in a friendship/relationship, or when a relationship is a longstanding one?

In Others' Words: Are You Interested? http://bit.ly/2JWOW2w #relationships #perspective
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'The portal into people's hearts is being interested in them.' Quote by Peter Gruber http://bit.ly/2JWOW2w #relationships #hearts
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Enjoy my books? Or are you interested in finding out more about my books, like my latest release, Things I Never Told You, a “Little Women gone wrong” novel? Join my FB group, Beth’s Dream Readers, for insider info, updates, and more. Don’t miss my FB Live chat TONIGHT, Tuesday, June 19, 5-6 PM MT.

DON’T MISS the #FBLIVE chat with award-winning author @bethvogt Tuesday June 19 from 5-6 PM MT! Join her Dream Readers Facebook community for insider info and book fun. https://buff.ly/2yeyiKg #Crazy4Fiction
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In Others’ Words: The Illusion of Communication

 

Have you ever experienced this odd form of  communication where someone has a conversation with you — but forgot to include you in the exchange?

You know what I mean: It’s the kind of dialogue between you and someone else, but it takes place entirely in the other person’s head. Things are said — some of them supposedly by you. Conclusions are drawn — possibly after accusations have been tossed back and forth and most definitely when assumptions have been made.

An illusion of communication has occurred. And there are always, always actions and reactions based on this faulty form of verbal (mis)connection.

Of course, there can be a pretense of communication even when two people are face-to-face with one another. Maybe one person’s talking, talking, talking, but they’re not being heard. Why? Because the other person, rather than truly listening, is planning what they want to say next. Or maybe they’re just plain bored, ready to move on to something or someone, else. Conversation ends — but only an illusion of communication has taken place.

Communication requires intent — to care enough to be involved in talking and listening. It involves exchanging ideas, not just expounding your own. Sharing your feelings, which demands vulnerability. And none of this can take place behind the safety of a facade.

In Your Words: How do you avoid pretense or illusion in communication with others?

In Others' Words: The Illusion of Communication http://bit.ly/2HMs43L #relationships #quotes
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'The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.'
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GOODREADS GIVEAWAY: Enter the Goodreads Giveaway from June 1-30 for a chance to win one of the 100 Kindle ebooks of my latest release, Things I Never Told You.

Enter the June 1-30 #GoodReadsGiveaway to win one of the 100 #Kindle ebooks of Things I Never Told You by award-winning author @bethvogt. @LibraryJournal praised this novel for its “emotionally rich drama.” https://buff.ly/2LcUDcW
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In Others’ Words: When Rain is Grace

Several people in my family love rainy days … and I have to admit, I don’t.

I don’t like driving in the rain when I can’t see the lines in the road.

I don’t like having to be out and about in the rain when my shoes get wet.

I don’t like what the rain does to my hair. Don’t ask. It isn’t pretty.

Yeah, rainy days make me grumpy.

But then, I read novelist John Updike’s quote: “Rain is grace.” 

And those three words reframed my thoughts about rain and rainy days. Because grace? Grace is what I long for … grace refreshes my parched soul. Grace is freely given to me. To everyone. Rain falls down to the earth freely, upon everyone — the “just and the unjust,” as it’s said. (Matthew 5:45)

Rain refreshes, as does grace.

Rain descends down to us, as God reaches down to us … walked among us so that He could understand us.

Rain gives life, as God does like no one else and nothing else does. 

In Others’ Words: Do you like rainy days — and if you do, why do you? If you don’t, why not? And do you agree with John Updike that “Rain is grace”?

In Others' Words: When Rain is Grace http://bit.ly/2JLqd4o #rain #grace
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'Rain is grace; rain is the sky descending to the earth; without the rain, there would be no life.' #Quote by John Updike http://bit.ly/2JLqd4o #perspective
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GOODREADS GIVEAWAY: Enter the Goodreads Giveaway from June 1-30 for a chance to win one of the 100 Kindle ebooks of my latest release, Things I Never Told You.

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In Others’ Words: The Uniqueness of Sister Relationships

 

Ah, the complicated bonds between sisters …

The shared history of family memories can pull sisters closer … and at other times, the same events can push sisters apart.

As sisters grow up and become independent, comparison and competition may flare, straining once comfortable familial closeness.

Add a secret to the mix — like I do with the Thatcher sisters in my novel, Things I Never Told You, which celebrates its one month birthday on June 8 — and relationships become all the more messy. Secrets distort relationships, hindering communication and closeness. Sometimes family members enmeshed in the secret may feel like  guests invited to some mystery party, without any directions of how to interact.

When we know someone well, we often think we are safe with that person. But that isn’t always the case. Familiarity doesn’t always equal safety. Remember the words of the classic song by the Mills Brothers? “You always hurt the one you love.” Those lyrics refer to romantic love, yes, but  the words can also apply to the power of family relationships — and more specifically, to sister relationships. 

Intimacy born out of close sister relationships provides you the insight … the power … to know exactly how to hurt your sister like no one else can. You know your sister’s weaknesses. You know how to push her buttons to make her cry … or to make her angry … or to shame her into silence.

As I wrote Things I Never Told You and released it into the world, I heard stories of sisters who love and stand by one another … and sisters who, yes, have hurt one another. Most often, the stories I heard were a mix of pulling one another close and then one another pushing away.

There’s no denying the power of sister relationships … and there’s no simple way to define sister relationships, either. It all comes down to choices … and sometimes, when secrets are involved, truth and consequences.

But that’s another blog post.

In Your Words: One thing’s for certain: Sister relationships are not neutral. I’ve shared some thoughts on sister relationships today — and written a novel about them (with a second one coming out next May!) What are some of your thoughts about sister relationships?

In Others' Words: The Uniqueness of Sister Relationships http://bit.ly/2sMRBEn #sisters #relationships
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'#Sisters, as you know, have a unique #relationship. This is the person who has known you your entire life, who should love you and stand by you no matter what ...' quote by Lisa See http://bit.ly/2sMRBEn
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Good

GOODREADS GIVEAWAY: Enter the Goodreads Giveaway from June 1-30 for a chance to win one of the 100 Kindle ebooks of my latest release, Things I Never Told You.

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In Others’ Words: Listen Carefully

Do you prefer to talk or to listen?

I admit it: I love participating in a good conversation. A conversation between friends or family, sometimes interlaced with laughter or perhaps tears, can be refreshing. Healing.

But more and more over the years, I’ve learned to talk less and listen more.

I had to be intentional about being quiet and listening. Talking is easier than listening because, to be frank, it’s me-centered. To listen, I have to think first, before the conversation even begins, and determine to let someone else speak while I stay silent.

It’s true that when I talk to someone else — who happens to be listening to me carefully — I can discover some truths about myself. Our conversation becomes an act of self-discovery. But it’s more often true that when I listen carefully to someone else that I learn more about them. Our relationship deepens — and often I learn some truth that I can apply to my own life.

And that’s why listening is a relational win-win.

In Your Words: Which comes easier for you: talking or listening? What helps you listen to others? What have you learned from listening carefully?

In Others' Words: Listen Carefully http://bit.ly/2sxtydk #relationships #listening
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'I like to listen. I have learned a great deal from listening carefully. Most people never listen.' #quote by Ernest Hemingway http://bit.ly/2sxtydk #relationships
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GOODREADS GIVEAWAY: Enter the Goodreads Giveaway from June 1-30 for a chance to win one of the 100 Kindle ebooks of my latest release, Things I Never Told You.

Enter the June 1-30 #GoodReadsGiveaway to win one of the 100 #Kindle ebooks of Things I Never Told You by award-winning author @bethvogt. @LibraryJournal praised this novel for its “emotionally rich drama.” https://buff.ly/2LcUDcW
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In Others’ Words: Confident to Do It Well

I’m a creative. There’s something fun about the title “creative” for what I do — the fact that I write books.

But behind that one word is the reality that a lot of work goes into writing a book. Brainstorming. Crafting characters. Fast Drafting. Rewriting –and repeat, repeat, repeat. Rewriting is a major part of writing a book. Edits equals rewrites. Oh, did I mention marketing? How could I forget social media and interviews and guest blog posts?

And, truth is, as I said before “living the dream means doing the work.”

And sometimes … the stress of the work strangles my creativity. 

I’m in a staring contest with my deadline — and I blink.

That’s when I talk to one of my writing friends. One of the ones who knows me best and who is on speed dial. The kind who will say, “Just write the story, Beth. Stop overthinking everything and just write the story.”

Maybe you’re a creative like me. Maybe you’re an engineer like my husband was before he switched careers and went to medical school. But no matter what you do, we all come to the point when we need to stop thinking “how do we do this?”

We need to relax. Trust that we know how. And do it.

In Your Words: What helps you stop overthinking the “how” so that  you succeed at what you do? 

In Others' Words: Confident to Do It Well http://bit.ly/2IYfcx8 #quotes #confidence
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'We never do anything well till we cease to think about the manner of doing it.' quote by William Hazlitt http://bit.ly/2IYfcx8 #confidence #writing
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In Others’ Words: Someone to Inspire You

To be honest, I tripped over the first few words of this quote by Emerson before I embraced the rest of the truth. 

While I agree with him that we all want to be inspired to be who we can be, I’m not so certain that’s our “chief want.” 

I want a lot of things.

I need a lot of things, too.

And sometimes I get the two mixed up.

But there’s no denying how finding those certain “someones” who motivate me to pursue my dreams, to be true to myself and what I value, has changed me and helped me become who I want to be. 

Surprisingly, these life influencers are often different from me when it comes to our personalities or even our life choices.

Sometimes it’s how they live their lives with intention and a quiet determination that encourages me to be more true to myself. 

Maybe they speak the truth I need to hear, the words that allow me to be brave just when fear seemed stronger than me.

Or they remind me that it’s not just about my dream, but about what God’s saying … where He’s leading … and trusting Him with my dream.

In Your Words: Who has inspired you — encouraged, motivated, influenced — to be what you knew you could be? What you wanted to become?

In Others' Words: Someone to Inspire You http://bit.ly/2slgE1k #relationships #influence
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'Our chief want is someone who will inspire us to be what we know we could be.' quote by Ralph Waldo Emerson http://bit.ly/2slgE1k #inspiration #quotes
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