C. Lynn Williams's Blog, page 24

Every Adult Is Not Parent Material

When I read or listen to the news about parents abusing or killing their children, my heart breaks and I know they must not have had someone that they could reach out to and ask [image error]for help. Last night I read about a woman who was insanely jealous and suffocated one of her children because she thought her boyfriend was cheating on her.  Other stories talk about how women didn’t feel they had anything to live for and decided to take their own life and the lives of their children.

I realize that children come into our lives in different ways. Some people have kids very early in life (or late in life) and love them as the spiritual gifts they are. Other people have them “accidentally” and treat them as objects or hindrances and never really “get it“, that the child in their life is truly a gift from God and here to teach us specific lessons.[image error]

While I was a twenty-something, I didn’t want kids. I wanted to climb the corporate ladder and go as high as I could without the responsibility of raising children. Plus growing up I had had many jobs babysitting kids (as well as watching my own brother & sister), so no thank you was my answer to having kids! After much thought and five years of marriage, I decided, I had room in my heart for a child. While that was my decision, I realize not everybody gets to decide or puts that kind of thought into having their children; I just wish they would.

Raising kids is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done! Kids take your Time, your Patience, your Energy and all of your Money! However I would do it again without a second thought. Were there times that I wanted to give them back to the Creator? Yes – probably so! But that’s the time that you reach out to someone close to you; someone who is saner than you and you say “Help! I need some time to myself“.

If we’re honest, we know some of those women before they’ve reached the breaking point. If you’re like me, you feel their “strangeness” when they come around you. Follow your intuition next time. When you feel that one of your women-friends  or family members is a little too quiet or withdrawn, reach out to her and offer her your time and attention. Take her children for the day, so she can take some time for herself. You’ll have to do it without judging her because life has a way of coming back around to each of us. Today it may be your turn to help a woman out, and tomorrow, that woman may be in a position to help you. You never know. I call it KARMA.

For my prayer warriors, here is my prayer: “Father, today we pray for those facing desperate and lonely times. We pray especially for poor and defenseless children everywhere. Help us meet their needs as we are able.” Daily Bread 12/21/2016

Merry Christmas & Happy Holidays!

C. Lynn Williams

@MsParentguru

www.clynnwilliams.com

Merry Christmas

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I love the festivities of Christmas whether I’m addressing Christmas cards, buying gifts (I hate wrapping them), putting up decorations and getting the house ready for Christmas and Kwanzaa. I’ve to be careful in what I want out of the holidays – enjoyable time with my family versus a stressed out wife and mom who tries to do everything. My enthusiasm for trying to do everything, makes a wonderful time of year just another huge exhausting commitment!

As adults and parents, we know how hectic the holidays can be, however our excitement may not translate to our teens and adult children. Our kids may be finishing projects or exams and it just seems that Mom (or Dad) are ‘doing too much’.

Here are four tips to keep the holiday season in perspective and enjoyable for you and your children:

1) Don’t try to do everything yourself. Ask your kids and spouse for help. A great example is buying and dressing the Christmas tree. We love having a tree and even when I least feel like decorating the tree, one of our kids will help, takeover the job entirely or talk to me until I’ve finished ‘dressing’ the tree.

2) Relax your expectations. You may get push-back from your college kids if you expect them to get up (early) on a Saturday morning and go shopping. Early Saturdays may be a great time to take the younger kids to see Santa Claus or make cookies. You can still have family time, without the stress and attitudes.

3) Take some time for you. If sleeping late on a Saturday or Sunday morning is not possible, then go workout, slip out to yoga class (while everyone is asleep) or take yourself shopping and enjoy being in the stores without someone constantly calling your name.

4) Do something different this year. Consider starting a new tradition with your family. It makes getting ready for the holidays so much more exciting. As a kid, my family drove through different neighborhoods looking at Christmas decorations. That was so much fun because my siblings, parents and I were all together! As a parent, my kids and I took the train to Chicago and watched the Lighting Ceremony at the Magnificent Mile. Oh boy! Was that fun!! Depending on the age of your children, let them help decide what new and exciting family activity you will try for the holidays!

To make this time even more special, we’ve prepared a wonderful Christmas gift to help you get ready for the Holiday spirit! Quantities are limited! To receive your Christmas gift, send me an email with your name & mailing address. I will send you my very special gift!

Quantities are limited so email me right away![image error]

If you would like to learn about my activities and events before everyone else Click Here to join my parenting community.

 

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru[image error]

Family Dynamics Strategist, Coach & Author

www.clynnwilliams.com

It’s Complicated…

My daughter and I are hosting a series of romance webinars (one per month) and last night was our 2nd webinar. In our Dating With The Right Tools webinar, we talked about those areas and behaviors that keep us attracting the wrong person. The term It’s Complicated was mentioned and it sounded like a great topic to talk more about it in my blog today. 

It’s Complicated… There are two things I think about when I hear those words. One is the Facebook status that talks about where you are in your relationship, and the second is the movie with Meryl Streep and Alec Baldwin.

It’s complicated usually means that one of the two of you is in multiple relationships with other people. While we didn’t stay on that topic for very long last night; we did talk about the importance of knowing what you want in a relationship (whether you’re in a relationship or not).

Knowing what you want out of a partner helps you determine whether the man or woman you meet on Friday is someone you want to spend more time with or not. In our romance series we want to level the playing field and say out loud, what women think in their heads, but don’t say. If you want to date multiple people, go for it! As long as everyone involved knows what’s going on, it’s simple – not complicated. If you want to be in a monogamous relationship, that’s simple too, as long as you discuss what you want with your partner and they agree with you. Being afraid to enter a new relationship because of issues of trust, is challenging and a topic that women don’t often share, but feel very deeply.

While my daughter is the relationship therapist, I coach working women to find balance in all areas of their lives: work/business, children, significant other and themselves. I believe women can have it all with a plan, organization and the ability to say no without guilt. Recently, many women have told me that they are basically ‘married’ to their work and have no room for romance or dating. That is complicated! Don’t let this be your story. Knowing how distracted I can become when I’m working on a presentation or writing a book, it’s easy to work night and day. However, I’ve learned to walk away (from my work) and take some time to enjoy my family and husband. This is what I share in my Finding Superwoman coaching program.

Here are four tools You Can Use to get more out of dating whether you are single, in a relationship or married:

Set Goals for yourself on what it is you want out of a relationship. If you want to spice up a relationship that you are currently in, plan fun things and set a regular date night. It doesn’t have to be expensive, be creative. If you are interested in starting the dating scene, think of things you enjoy doing. They can range from becoming involved in a local choir, joining a meetup of movie lovers or donating your time at a local girls and boys club.
Stay Honest by discussing your likes dislikes and values when you begin dating instead of assuming the other person knows what they are, or trying to be somebody that you’re not.
Changing others to make them fit into the mold that you want never works… at least not very long. Both of you will be unhappy because neither is appreciated for who they are.
Romance is an investment because not only is money part of this equation, but your time and your partner’s time is as well. If you know you love a person with champagne tastes, why date someone with beer tastes and expectations? In other words, date someone with similar interests to yours. You will be much happier.

If you feel you keep attracting the wrong person or are giving far more than you want, then click here to replay our Dating With The Right Tools webinar:

Our next live webinar is scheduled for Tuesday, January 10th at 7 pm (CST) and it’s titled “I Want to Get Married, Now What?” Here’s the link to register: Click

Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Family Dynamics Strategist, Coach & Author
www.clynnwilliams.com

3 Habits for Healthy Families

During this Thanksgiving holiday, we will share many things with our families: holiday traditions, good-night hugs and good times. I truly love family customs and traditions, hugs (not just at night) and the good times we share as our family gathers together.

In addition to these things, check your ‘list’ to see if you are including these healthy habits as well. I’m including three of my favorite ones here:

Make mealtime family time – This matters because shared meals help families catch up and connect. Studies show that kids who regularly eat with their families have healthier eating habits than those who don’t.
Volunteer together – This is important because helping others lifts our spirits and improves our overall sense of well-being. It also teaches our children that they can make a difference, which can help boost their self-confidence and make them feel good about themselves.
Handle anger in a healthy way – When we lash out it strains relationships within and outside our family. “Kids tend to express anger by lashing out at parents and teachers, and their anger may isolate them from their peers.” In adults, angry outbursts can raise the risks of heart attack and stroke.

           Thank you Rush University Medical Center for these healthy tips for our families!

As you welcome your college students back home and see family members you haven’t seen in a while, take time to relax and enjoy them. Even Aunt Josephine who manages to say something completely crazy to everyone she sees, still needs a hug. ♥

Time Saving Tip: Sparkl Now – The Car Wash Service That Comes to You!

Are you tired of riding around in a dirty, cheerio-ridden car?

I was just like you!  As a mom of busy and messy boys, I found myself living most of my day in the car—shuttling to/from school, practices and play dates.  My kids often had to eat meals in the car in order to get to where we needed to be on time.

This is what inspired me to launch Sparkl – an eco-friendly, waterless car wash that comes to YOU.  All you have to do is download our app, register, and schedule a date and time.  We do the rest.   Our products are bio-degradable and our waterless solution is safe enough to use on any car.  All of our washers are background checked and trained to provide a quality car wash anytime anywhere.  We will come to your home, office, parking garage, or just the street.  It’s that simple…and convenient.  No more dirty car… and no more waiting in line at the car wash!  Now your car can get cleaned without wasting your precious time…or our environment’s precious resources. To learn more about Sparkl, please check out our website:  www.sparklnow.com.

C. Lynn Williams’ Upcoming Events:

Dating With The Right Tools webinar Dec 6th – Part 2 of Romance Series

Kick the Chaos workshop Dec 9th – kickthechaos.eventbrite.com

Interested in learning more about your family’s dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting programs for Aging Parents, Mothers and Daughters, Mothers and their Sons or Fathers and Daughters.

Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Family Dynamics Coach & Author

www.clynnwilliams.com

If You Are A Too Busy Working Mom…

Have you ever felt completely at your wits end because you had a project due at work or in your business, and your daughter needed you? I’ve been there and remember how difficult it was to make the choice to spend time with her. Yes I chose my daughter. Because there will ALWAYS be a project, a meeting, an event to attend.

Here’s the million dollar question! What’s the consequence if you don’t spend time when she needs (wants) you? Will she want to talk a week, month or year later? Will what was so important to her to share with you today, matter in six months (when you have more time)?

Go to my YouTube channel: MsParentGuru and check out my YouTube video blog: Click Here

If you are struggling to have meaningful conversations with your daughter and want help, let’s have a conversation about your next steps. Here’s a link to reach me. While you’re deciding if you really want to talk about that mother-daughter relationship, pick up a copy of my book, Raising Your Daughter.

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentGuru

Connect with my parent community: www.clynnwilliams.com

The Cost of Anger to Me

Last week as I was driving to a meeting, I signaled to move into the lane to my right. Apparently I was too close to the driver behind me because the

next thing I knew, he sped ahead of me, changed into my lane and put on his brakes… I said to myself – “I’ve just been a victim of road rage! He probably didn’t think more about it, because he had satisfied that moment of complete rage. But I thought about how our anger, our rage gets the best of us every day.

My hubs tells me I’m on the ‘red train’ when I get really angry. Physiologically, my head hurts and I feel irrational. Imagine what that does to the organs in our bodies like our hearts, our brains, etc. The urban idiom is called ‘pop off’ meaning you lost your cool.

According to Livestrong.com, “Anger is an emotion that is associated with resentment, frustration, irritability and rage. Chinese medicine asserts that this choleric emotion is stored in the liver and gallbladder, which produce and store bile, respectively. This anger can affect many biological processes that sap energy and cause headaches, dizziness and high blood pressure.”¹ According to Lavelle Hendricks, “Before anger affects any part of our body, it has to affect our brain first. When we experience anger, the brain causes the body to release stress hormones, adrenaline and noradrenaline. These chemicals help the body control the heart rate and blood pressure.”²

Just think about how many people you know who have experienced heart attacks or aneurysms. I’m thinking about how my anger affects not only me, but also my kids and my husband. As a mom, I like being in control – to understand where everything is, my role, and how it affects my family. But, there are so many things that are outside of my control. Like someone bumping into to me on the street, or driving too close, or your kid having a bad day and saying something disrespectful. For our own sanity and the sake of our bodies, we have to let things go and move on without anger or self-recrimination. Hey…don’t lose your cool…

[1] http://www.livestrong.com/article/193234-what-emotions-affect-different-organs-in-the-human-body/

[2]http://www.nationalforum.com/Electron...

 

Interested in learning more about your family’s dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting programs for Aging Parents, Mothers & Daughters, Mothers and their Sons or  Finding Superwoman™ for Overworked Moms.

Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.

Want more Romance ♥ in your life? Register for my Nov 1st webinar: How To Put Romance Back Into Your Schedule

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru
Family Dynamics Strategist, Speaker & Author
www.clynnwilliams.com

Why do most diets fail? (reprinted)

At this time of the year, the weather has changed to wonderful my favorite time of the year #fall and my body tells me it’s time to get ready for winter. Heavier foods like homemade soup, and chili are more bearable because the weather isn’t so hot. One of the issues I face is how to eat smart and not eat Everything I love!

So I was talking to Aga Loncar, the author of this blog post, and she said an amazing thing about food, weight and eating. If you are constantly dieting or care about what you eat, keep reading.

Why do most weight loss diets fail? by Aga Loncar 

We think of weight loss the wrong way. We think that we can go on a restrictive diet for 30 and lose weight. And we do lose weight, but 95% of us gain it back plus often times more than what we lost. Every time we yo-yo diet the fat lost that we gained back becomes more resistant, its harder to lose it the second or third time around.

Companies that design restrictive diets and sell their products, as a required part of the program don’t addresses the real cause of weight gain like hormone malfunction, systemic inflammation, poor gut health or even chronic dehydration. Their main agenda is to sell you the product. If you come back again because you gained all the weight back, well even better.

This approach doesn’t teach us the importance of changing our poor eating habits forever, not just for 30 days. Frankly it doesn’t teach us anything.

Nobody brushes their teeth 5 times a day for 30 days, then stops and hopes that they will just remain clean forever. Sounds like a silly example, but it isn’t this essentially what 30 day diets are, all in and then nothing.

We choose 30 day diets and detox programs because we tend to pick a path with the lowest resistance. As long as we think this easier option exists we will go for it. The truth is however when it comes to health and permanent fat loss, it doesn’t. There is no 30 day detox program that actually works, it is all a marketing hype.

Please watch this short informative video: https://youtu.be/lw08dtKt4oY 

Our bodies have an amazing detox system put in place, like skin, liver, etc. The best “detox” is to stop eating all the crap. To read more click here.

C. Lynn says – As women, we often eat to satisfy our unmet needs for love, attention, sex, nurture, etc. How many times have you eaten a bag of potato chips and a soda pop or a plate of meatloaf and mashed potatoes… and while it may have satisfied you momentarily, those same unmet urges come back. I believe when we (women, moms, wives) take time to care for ourselves, while balancing parenting, love lives and work lives, there will be no need for dieting, binge eating.

If this is your story and you want to change it, let’s chat. Send me an email: clynn@clynnwilliams.com to set up some time to talk.

Click Here to become a part of my parenting community and receive monthly updates.

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Family Dynamics Strategist, Coach & Author

www.clynnwilliams.com

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The Divorced Kid Shuffle (reprint)

This article by Tiffany Beverlin so resonated with me as I tried to maintain a relationship with my kids and their father during and after our divorce.

– C. Lynn Williams

www.clynnwilliams.com

I am writing this blog while having just distributed, varies suitcases, and bags to each of my children to start packing for spring break, like all holidays for most children of divorced parents, my children are expert packers and spend their lives going back and forth between my home and their fathers. It’s still the part of divorce that bothers me the most, when the children started to have to go on back and forth between us, I would have hard time holding it together long enough to pack their little cases and kiss them good bye then to watch them walk down the drive with their bags in tow before I would cir-cum to tears. Fast forward 3 years, it still bothers me, they trek their instruments, their bags, science projects they even take their tortoise and chameleon back and forth, kissing them good bye still has a bitter sweet feel, but my attitude to it has changed. Click on the link below to read more…

The Divorce Kid Shuffle

Routine! Routine! Schedule…

I don’t normally write about parenting young children because I feel that the market is already saturated  with experts on early childhood rearing. However, this summer I had a several opportunities to observe not only my family but also other families who are raising young children and I had some thoughts.

I’m a free spirit and enjoyed being out most of the day when my kids were little. But they taught me that they needed structure like regular mealtimes, naps and bedtimes. 

When my daughter was young, I worked jobs that required me to be out of the house for long periods of time. When she was first born, we had a nanny and when the nanny was off, I had a hard time getting my daughter to go to sleep whether it was nap time or bed time. Our nanny relationship lasted for a year and I found that I had the responsibility for getting my daughter to sleep at night as well as on the weekends. It took some creativity and a lot of times of putting her back to bed before we were able to get her to sleep at night without getting up every few minutes.

For those of you who are sleep deprived and completely exhausted, here’s what I did. I went back to how I was raised with a few modifications. 

My parents had routines for us as children and as teens. The routines were consistent and impartial.  There were times to do homework, time to eat dinner, time to complete household chores, and time to go to bed. We seldom strayed from those routines even when I attended high school.

Understandably, young children can’t set their routines like when & what to eat, as well as when to sleep. And, depending on your parenting style, establishing any routine can be challenging to put in place. If you’ve allowed your son or daughter to sleep with you OR you sleep with them, setting a bedtime and having them sleep in their own bed is pretty traumatic for both of you. Start now and stick to it. Make it fun by making a game out of it. Children love games! Have dinner at a specific time everyday. The dinner doesn’t have to be formal or fancy, your goal is to start a routine of eating together. During dinner ask what book they want you to read (to them) at bedtime. As it gets close to bedtime, ask them about their favorite part of the day and share yours. Make sure they aren’t hungry. Give them a bath. Have them brush their teeth. One final trip to the bathroom. Say prayers. Read a short book. Give them a hug & kiss. Say goodnight. 

Here are 3 suggestions for establishing a bedtime routine for your 2 or 3 year old:

1. Have them pick up their toys before nap or bedtime by making it a game.

2. Tell them what you’re going to do before you do it AND what you want them to do.

3. When it is time for bed, let them know that you expect them to go to bed and to sleep. They may continue to ask for water, another story or for you to sleep with them. Kindly and firmly say goodnight.

Interested in learning more about your family’s dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting programs for aging parents, Mothers and Daughters or Mothers and their Sons.

Click Here to join my parenting community.

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Family Dynamics Strategist, Coach & Author

www.clynnwilliams.com