C. Lynn Williams's Blog, page 22

How Following Your Gut Positively Impacts Your Business

For those of you who do things strictly by the book, who have to have all I’s dotted and T’s crossed before proceeding ahead. This article is NOT for you. I’m writing for the people who like me like to have the facts and figures well thought out, but also leave a little wiggle room for intuition, mother wit, or as my friend Andrea says, the Tingles. [image error]

How many times have you avoided a traffic jam because you took another route? Or I think about several experiences where I avoided a bad experience, just because I followed my instincts at the perfect time. As we commemorate 911, I think about colleagues and friends who were supposed to be in New York City on September 11, 2001 and missed being there because of something that held them back. What was that something?

How well are you listening to that little voice inside your head when it comes to your business? Early in my career, I didn’t rely on my intuition; instead I asked my mom what she thought as new job opportunities were presented to me. Being the wise woman that she was, she’d ask me what I ‘felt’. Myers-Briggs had me typed as a thinker, not a feeler, so I didn’t trust my feelings. Except that they were right 100% of the time – when I followed my gut! Interestingly, the more I began following my gut, my Myers-Briggs typing changed. [image error]

So where am I going with this? Well, in addition to the five senses that we have: sight, smell, touch, taste and hearing, we’ve also been gifted with senses that are not easy to measure or explain. I’m talking about following those instincts of yours.  Follow your intuition. Not just in your personal life, but also when it comes to your career or your business. Try this! Take time to center yourself with no distractions. Think about what it is you want and listen to the messages that you receive. (If this is new to you, you may need to perform this exercise several times.)

Interested in learning more fascinating facts about your intuition and how to use it? It will be the topic at one of my upcoming monthly Finding Superwoman Lunch & Learn events.  Click Here to register.

Click Here to receive my free gift on managing your time.

C. Lynn Williams

Founder of Finding Superwoman™, Author & Speaker

www.clynnwilliams.com/contact

How Well Are You Managing Your ADULT Pampered Prince?

I keep running into women who tell me these incredible stories about how their moms (and dads) are still taking care of their brothers. Mind you we aren’t talking about teen or college-aged sons, but sons in their 20’s, 30’s, 40’s and 50’s. Depending on the situation, taking care of your adult son, means you are paying his rent, car note, buying groceries, washing his laundry or he’s still living with you.

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Portrait of a mother and her young adult/late teen son.

While there are cultures where the children stay home until they marry, the son or daughter is either in school or working. These are not the families I’m talking about. I’m referring to those households where no matter what the son has done, mom defends him. I experienced this while teaching at an all-male high school. If my student had cheated on a test or plagiarized a paper, his mom wanted to know what was I doing to cause her son to cheat or plagiarize. Crazy!

I’ve also been guilty of zealously taking my son’s side when I thought his father or stepdad was being too harsh with him. But here’s the thing I’ve learned: the more you defend your son to his father, stepdad, teacher, or whomever – the more your son feels that he can do whatever he wants without consequences. You see it in toddler boys. Often his behavior is considered cute even when he says “shut-up” or hits you back. It’s a different story when he tells you to shut up and he’s six or 16. Then it’s not cute. Hold him accountable when he’s a teen and doesn’t want to stay in school. It’s not okay to let him quit just because he can’t get along with his teacher or coach.

As a divorced mom, I thought I was raising my son properly. At the time, it was hard hearing any criticism of him. Not that I thought he was perfect, more that I felt it reflected badly on my parenting skills. In my The Pampered Prince: Moms Create a GREAT Relationship with Your Son book, I talk about how teaching at the all-male high school made me a better parent. I required my students to follow my class rules, complete their assignments on time and be respectful. When they didn’t, I had consequences for them. As I thought about it, I realized those same rules applied to my own son – my pampered prince. It was a great AHA moment for me! [image error]

Today as I watch the news and hear from mothers who vigorously defend their son’s behavior, I think about the importance of holding those sons accountable at an early age. Saying “shut up” at two and three years old isn’t cute, it’s disrespectful. If you allow that behavior to continue, you’re creating a monster. Just like you teach your son to read, write and count. Teach him to be accountable for what he does, and to be respectful of others – those who look like him and those who don’t. If life brings him back home to live with you (as an adult), remember he is an adult and can take care of himself. Washing his clothes and cooking meals for him is not going to encourage him to move out of your house, or make him good material for marriage!

#StaySane

Interested in learning more about your family’s dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting programs for Aging Parents, Mothers and Daughters, Mothers and their Sons, Fathers and Daughters or Fathers and their Sons.

Click Here to pick up a copy of this book. [image error]

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Family Dynamics Strategist, Author & Speaker

www.clynnwilliams.com

Parents: Need Help With Your ROUTINES?

When I was growing up, getting ready for my new school year was a BIG deal! We didn’t have school uniforms to worry about, but getting first day outfits and our routines in place was top on my mother’s list of To-dos. My mom was the queen of organization and routines,! Everything was a well-organized process. [image error]

As a kid, her routines were a pain in the neck. But what I didn’t know was that each routine she established for us, made it easier to run the household and manage my brother, sister and I. She rarely got rattled, unless of course we didn’t follow the routine. And it wasn’t good when we didn’t follow Mom’s routines. Her processes and routines were like growing up in a well-run manufacturing plant. Everything had a place (organization) and there was a routine for mornings (before school), afternoons (after school) and evenings.

As I got older, my mother explained her rationale behind her fanatical routines and why it was so important to get us involved at an early age. For example, she had a rule that we couldn’t take our afternoon naps until we had put away our toys. This is important for those of you with young children who hate to take naps (like I did). She had me convinced that I couldn’t go to sleep UNTIL my toys were put in the toy box. I didn’t think to say – “Hey Mom, I don’t want to take a nap at all!” All I knew what that I couldn’t put my toys away fast enough to take my nap. The key here is that you start teaching your children at two & three years old to pick up their toys. It’s much easier to get their cooperation at this age, rather than wait until they are five & six to teach this concept.

As much as I joke about my mother and her routines, they worked well for me when I became a mom. I have an entire list of practical ti[image error]ps to help you establish routines whether your children are in preschool, elementary or high school. For today’s blog however, I will share 5 tips with you.

Tip 1: Give yourself 45-60 minutes before you wake up your child(ren).

This time without little people talking to you is golden. Pray/meditate/exercise and take your shower. If you are leaving the house for work, put on your make-up. This is important especially to do before your preschool aged children (who are not used to doing tasks without your help and may not be morning people) get up.
Tip 2: Wake up your child (ren) an hour before they have to leave home.

This tip goes hand in hand with Tip 1, if you have children who don’t like getting up in the mornings. It’s nothing like rushing a cranky kid out of the house. An hour may not be enough time (you be the judge), but it gives your son or daughter time to get acclimated to being awake, talking with you and their siblings and getting ready for school
Tip 3: Establish a bedtime for ALL school aged children (even high schoolers) preferably by 8:30 pm.

I know I know! The teen can’t believe you’re making him or her go to bed at a specific time (without their phone and iPad). Surely the world is going to end! I had an 8:30 pm bedtime throughout my high schools years and I hated it. I also hated getting up at 5 am to make it to my 8 am classes way across town. As an educator, if my students got sleepy in class, we would talk about their bedtime and often they were allowed to talk on their cell phones throughout the night. AMAZING! How do you function with raging hormones, lots of class work, extracurricular and no sleep?
Tip 4: Look in their backpack (daily).

When our children start pre-school, it’s a given that you will check their backpacks daily. It’s important because you may be putting in a change of clothes daily and who wants to leave soiled clothes in a backpack overnight? Yuck! But once your child starts elementary school, a daily backpack check is just as important to keep up with notes and homework assignments that are being sent home by their teacher. It not only keeps you up to speed on what’s going on in class, it helps your child with organization.
Tip 5: Connect with your middle & high schoolers every day.

This is near and dear to my heart for two reasons. One: bullying is rampant in middle school and high school. I ran home from school every day in fifth grade because of a school bully and it was a nightmare. My mom helped me get to the point where I wasn’t afraid of the school bully, but it was a process. Since I share a room with my sister, there was no retreating to my room and closing the door. My folks wouldn’t hear of it. Fast forward to today with social media and instant communications, I would have probably tried to hide what was going on by retreating to my room and silently burying my shame. Two: Middle and high schoolers have LOTS of secrets. Taking time to have a real conversation daily is important. You never know what they will tell you. BTW – ask open ended questions like “tell me about your day”.

Interested in learning more about your family’s dynamics? Contact me to receive information about my inspirational & practical parenting programs. Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Family Dynamics Strategist, Author & Speaker

www.clynnwilliams.com

 

Parenting: Good cop Bad cop!

I was listening to a commercial and the mother was saying she didn't understand why the kids never listen to her, and then the father yells "who wants ice cream?"

Is that how parenting goes in your household? One of you sets the guidelines or rules, and the other has fun with the kids!?

In a household with two parents, there is generally one parent who tends to be the disciplinarian, and the other one who the kids go to because that parent usually says yes. When that happens doesn't it feel like good cop bad cop?

I remember feeling like the bad cop, because I consistently enforced our rules. My ex was more flexible than I was, and was known to change his mind and agree with the kids!

What Happens When You Make Time for Conversations…

If you ever wondered how in the world it is, that you and your mother could get along so well most of the time, and then all of a sudden something happens and your communications come to a dead halt! [image error]

Mother-daughter relationships are one of the most rewarding and challenging relationships in the family structure. It’s a complex relationship because of the range of emotions that are shared between you and your mother. You could be best friends, mortal enemies or somewhere in between.

Motherhood is one of the toughest jobs on the planet, as well as the most rewarding. Raising a daughter is really CHALLENGING! Daughters are opinionated, bossy and emotional creatures. When they are happy, their community of friends knows about it, and when they are unhappy, the whole world knows about it. However, having a close, warm, wonderful relationship with your daughter is a priceless, lifelong experience! According to SixWise.com, 88 percent of adults say that their mother has had a positive influence on them.

When I was a teen, I remember thinking how little my mom knew about me. I had secrets because … well because I didn’t think she would approve of them. It was hard to gain her approval, and I believe that had she not tried to hold down two jobs to support my sister, brother and I, she and I may have had a different relationship.

The first time I shared how I felt, was when I wanted to wear pants to high school. It was a brand new dress code policy and my mom was completely against it! “You’ll sit with your legs open like a boy!” It took my best friend and I a good hour to wear down her defenses, and I learned that she wasn’t completely unreasonable. I just had to have a great argument. She taught me not to give up so easily.

The more I talked with my mother, the more I grew to trust her judgement. We were entirely different people, but I believe I taught her lessons too. After having raised my own daughter and spent time with my bonus daughter, I know for a fact that time means everything to this complex relationship between mothers & daughters. Daughters may listen to you while they are adolescents (7 years and younger), but once they start interacting with their peers, they will quickly develop opinions of their own and tell them to you. Spending quality time with them, allows the defenses to come down, and for love to permeate your conversations – even the difficult ones. Each daughter requires her own time with you to create the warmth and love that you want in your relationship. Invest time in her and nurture her like a beautiful bed of roses. You won’t be disappointed in how your relationship blossoms.

Our next live mother-daughter time is important webinar is scheduled for Tuesday, July 18th at 12 pm (CDT) and it’s titled “Why Mother & Daughter Time is Important?” Here’s the link to register: Click

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Family Dynamics Strategist, Coach & Author

www.clynnwilliams.com

5 Tips to Managing Your Time

Have you ever said I’ll do that later, only to find that there were at least 3 more things waiting for you to complete…later? For the next 2 ½ minutes, read this carefully and take notes. I am giving you five free tips for mastering your time management. Truly these tips will transform your chaotic day into a calm experience. For years, I had an issue with time. It’s not that I couldn’t arrive on time; it’s making sure that what I was leaving had been completed. For example, I hate leaving the house with tasks undone like cleaning up the kitchen, putting a load of clothes in the wash or finishing one of my tasks as an entrepreneur.

Here’s the secret. I suffered from that syndrome that many working mothers experience in their everyday lives. Perfectionism! I don’t know about you, but I was taught that having a clean, orderly house was my responsibility. Nobody told me to go out and be successful, and by the way, don’t worry about your house. It’ll take care of itself! I also was not taught how to manage household activities as a successful entrepreneur.  I did learn it and offer it as one of the lessons in my Kick the Chaos coaching program.

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Managing your time is a skill that you want to develop into a habit. Being successful in business may mean you won’t have a clean house. Look at your guy friends or your spouse. When they have appointments or meetings, they are out the door. I know this is true for my husband. It doesn’t matter what’s not operating perfectly (or imperfectly in our home), he practices good time management. ALWAYS!

Clearly in business, timeliness is next to godliness and having a reputation that you can’t make it to meetings or events on time can discredit your credibility. If you have children at home, getting them out of the house (on time) can also impact your schedule. You’re ready for success, aren’t you?

Try these simple tips:

Set your intention to manage your time today.

 Decide today that you are going to manage your time. I learned a long time ago that thoughts are things and if you want to attract specific      things into your life, you have to change your thoughts. (It works!)

Do it now or set a reasonable date for later.

Don’t obsess over what needs to be done. Decide what your most urgent tasks are and do them. If time does not permit this, schedule the tasks on your calendar.

Make a list of what you want to complete.

I am a big proponent of creating lists, because my dominant learning style is visual and seeing a picture of my daily to dos, keeps it fresh on my mind. Depending on how urgent they are or how many I have, I schedule them in my phone.

Give yourself time to be on time.

I learned this habit before my kids were born. Take your shower and put on your make-up when you first get up in the morning. For health enthusiasts and meditation gurus like me, pray and work out, then take your shower and put on your make-up. I find that giving myself time to be on time, means I have to work smartly.

Stop Rushing!

Successful entrepreneurs and business women give themselves time to get to their places of business or meetings. Speeding down the highway and honking your horn before the light turns green is not going to help you make that meeting in a timely fashion. Giving yourself 15 extra minutes allows for unexpected delays.

Become a master by practicing these five time management tips daily. You are on your way to a transformed life.

Imagine what it’s like have great time management and work-life balance!

If you are struggling to make this happen, click Here and schedule a complimentary discovery session with me. Want to be a part of something big? Click Here to join my parenting community.

C. Lynn Williams, creator of Finding Superwoman™

Family Dynamics Strategist, Author & Speaker

www.clynnwilliams.com

Manners Matter

Have you ever seen something and wondered – ‘Did I just see that!’ [image error]

I was driving on the expressway and traffic was really congested. In broad daylight a man pulled over to the side of the road and proceeded to pull out his genitals and use the bathroom! WHAT?!? Seriously!?! I thought what kind of home training did he have?

In another situation, a woman begins to talk on her phone. You can hear the voice on the other end of the phone because she has her caller on speakerphone. Why?

I met with one of my clients last week, at a public playroom for kids, since she had her kiddos with her. The playroom reminded me of when my kids were invited to places to play with each other while parents got to know each other. The biggest difference between then and now is that a few of the parents were on their phones while their child played.

What she did next got my attention. Before allowing her son to play with the other kids, she reminded him of the ‘house rules‘. The house rules were her expectations of his behavior. “Play nice.” “Hitting is not a way to resolve a problem.” Her little guy was only 4 1/2 years old, but he was being taught how to handle conflict and remain mannerable! She said that she noticed that when he and another child had conflict, he would hit. She wanted to teach him other ways to resolve conflict besides hitting (or taking what he wanted). Manners do matter, maybe not to adults who urinate on the side of expressways or when talking on speakerphone in public places. [image error]

Manners are behaviors that are taught either by how you are raised or what you see at home. If kids are taught to be mannerable by adults who are mannerable, then that’s what they are. If the environment where you live, permits misbehavior like disrespect, littering, fighting, road rage, temper tantrums, things like that; then manners don’t matter to you.

But we live in a global society, where people from many cultures are expected to get along with each other. Manners matter because how we live our everyday lives spills over into how we treat each other and our neighbors. Respecting each other, protecting our environment and raising our children to do the same is what matters.

Interested in learning more about your family’s dynamics? Contact me – Ms. Parent Guru to receive information about my inspiring parenting relationship programs for Aging Parents, Mothers and Daughters, Mothers and their Sons or Fathers and Daughters.

Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Family Dynamics Strategist, Author & Speaker

www.clynnwilliams.com

The Problem with Procrastination

Have you ever decided that you were going to complete a task – not a big deal, yet you found yourself thinking about it and thinking about it and [image error]thinking about it until the time for you to complete it was over?

I have that problem when it comes to catalogs that come in the mail. I see something I want, but I think about it over and over and over again until it is no longer of interest to me.

That my friend is called PROCRASTINATION!

Procrastination occurs for me when I have a decision to make and I’m not quite sure if I should move forward with it or not. Perhaps procrastination occurs for you too in your business or in personal decisions that you need to make. Let me share a couple of tips with you when you feel like you’re stuck and can’t move forward.

One: If it’s a really big decision, I create a pros and cons sheet. Pros and cons allow me to look at the positives and negatives of moving forward with my decision, and it gives me an opportunity to let my higher spirit weigh in for things I hadn’t considered.

Two: I think about lost opportunity. Lost opportunity is important whether it’s in my business or when it comes to my family. The lost opportunity is what is the consequence for me not moving forward; what do I have to lose if I don’t move forward, and what do I gain by moving forward. You would be surprised at how powerful it is to look at lost opportunity.

Take a moment and think about where you would be if procrastination had not gotten your attention. Some decisions you don’t get to think over and over. Just like some opportunities don’t re-present themselves. Procrastination is just another form of fear, and I urge you to draw a line in the sand and move forward. You have more regrets from something you did not accomplish than something you tried and it did not work.

Take a chance!
Make a decision.
No regrets!

This is your time to shine. Your best days are ahead of you.

Interested in gaining more balance in your life? Contact me – MsParentGuru to receive information about my inspiring parenting and coaching programs.

Click Here to become a part of my parenting community.

C. Lynn Williams, #MsParentguru

Family Dynamics Strategist, Author & Speaker

www.clynnwilliams.com

Focus: A Necessity for Working Mothers

Focus 3…2…1  [image error]

How many times have you taken a picture and it was either blurry or unfocused? If the picture was on your phone and the object that you wanted to photograph was still available, you could retake the picture. Besides a daily dose of sanity and a refillable cup of faith, the one resource that I need as a working mother is Focus!

But what if the blurriness occurs every time you took a photo? You would either have the camera repaired or you replace it. Imagine if the blurriness is something that is taking place in your life day after day? As my mom used to tell me – “You’re stretched too thin.” I never felt like I was stretched too thin, however I learned to prioritize the things I needed (or wanted) to do. Some things had to be taken care of immediately and others could be completed at a later time. Through those times when I let everything build up and overwhelm me, was when I learned the  importance of focus.

As a working mother, you already have a full plate of busy because you work and raise children. If you are also married, your plate is even fuller. Add civic or social responsibilities and now your plate is completely running over. Whether you’re a mother in a two-parent household, a single parent household or you’re co-parenting; staying focused is a necessity to ensure a smoothly running work and family life along with a sane mind.

There are a many ways to stay focused. Here are two tools that I use daily:

Planning and To-Do Lists

Planning is my first tool of choice. Early in my first marriage, I realized that my parents and in-laws wanted us to share our holidays with them. Since they lived far apart from each other, I started talking about Thanksgiving plans no later than Labor Day weekend. Our kids’ summer break was usually solidified by Clean Up Week (spring break). As a divorced mom, my ex and I shared joint custody. Joint custody meant every other weekend, my kids spent the weekend with their father. Early in our marriage, as my husband and I blended our children into a blended family, we continued to share joint custody. Planning dates and time together was essential for our family, us (as a couple) and my peace of mind. Planning the kids’ schedules meant weekly conversations with the refrigerator calendar jotting down dates like band concerts, track meets, teacher conferences and school project supplies. Putting them on the calendar saved me from getting notes on my pillow starting with “Mom, I need…”Planning didn’t stop all surprises, but gave me peace and less tasks to juggle.

My other tool of choice is my To-Do list. While I don’t have the daily pleasure of raising children anymore, our youngest is 26. I am writing, speaking and coaching and my schedule is busier than ever. Between my entrepreneurial pursuits, community commitments and events that my husband has, we are busy. I no longer write things down on paper, because the pad of paper is never with me when I want to add another task. I now use the notepad in my phone. It works perfectly and I always have it with me. Writing things down at least reminds me of what I need to do and yes I prioritize the tasks so that I complete the most important ones first.

Is my life perfect? Hell no! But it keeps this busy working mom from tearing her hair out.

I would love to share more helpful tips with you or help you make calm out of chaos. I offer a complimentary discovery consultation to explore some of those areas you’d like to handle differently. Click here to schedule time with me.

C. Lynn Williams, #Ms. Parent Guru

www.clynnwilliams.com

Consistency: A Recipe for Success

When I think of consistency, I think of smooth cake batter; the kind that my mother turned into delicious cakes when I was a child. Consistency means that each separate ingredient blends together to create a delicious end result.  [image error]

As an entrepreneur, we are constantly taking individual items, putting them together and turning them into finished products or services. That’s our goal. But what happens when things don’t come together? Or more importantly, what can we do to ensure consistent consistency?

Let’s go back to my cake analogy. Mom would always ensure that she had all of the ingredients to make her cake. Those ingredients were: eggs, butter, sugar, flour, milk, flavoring, etc. Once she had the ingredients, it was important that she mixed the ingredients together until they were completely blended. Since she was a seasoned baker, she could tell from the consistency of her batter, whether the cake was going to be successful or not. Sometimes she may have lacked every ingredient and had to substitute. Depending on what she had to substitute, would determine if the cake tasted good or not.

Consistency is following a series of behaviors and habits. Think about your last product or service. Did you have everything you needed to offer a consistently excellent product or service? Perhaps you needed to:

Determine a need for your product or service
Perform research
Create and try out a test sample
Measure it against your competition
Price it competitively

Or maybe it had nothing to do with product or service ingredients, but personal ingredients for success. Maybe your personal recipe for success means that you need to carve out time to eat healthy foods and exercise. Or maybe you are burning the candle at both ends and not getting enough rest. For me that’s always an issue because as an author my inspiration occurs in the wee hours of the morning. However when I prepare for my work-life or family dynamics consultations, I find that I am working late into the evening. We are NOT machines! We are creative beings that make a living based on how consistent we are in our business. It is very difficult to be a boss entrepreneur or corporate woman when you are suffering from fatigue or exhaustion. [image error]

Here are 3 suggestions for creating successful consistency in your business and personal life:

Set a Goal – successful consistency is moving forward in a positive way. Setting business and personal goals is one of your ingredients toward consistency. One of my goals is getting in bed by 10:30 pm. Lately I have been going to bed at midnight and getting up at 6 am. But remember my creative writing thoughts occur by 4 – 6 am – so going to bed at midnight stifles my writing creativity. Setting a goal gives me something to work toward.
Form a Habit – It’s easy to form a habit. Just do something consistently for 21 days (or 21 times) and the next thing you know, you have formed a habit. Think about forming some positive habits.

Join me and start getting more sleep.
Start eating healthier instead of grabbing that bag of chips or can of soda because you haven’t eaten all day.

While you are forming some new habits, consider replacing the ones that you no longer need or want. For me, it’s giving myself enough time. As a busy entrepreneur, mom and wife, I always have something to do. If I have a morning appointment, getting on the computer is disastrous, because I can lose track of time and have to rush to my meeting instead of arriving with time to look over my notes. Think about what habit you would like to eliminate.

Practice Self-Care – As a woman, we carry the weight of everyone on our shoulders. We worry about our families, our friends, neighbors, our causes. But we seldom take time for ourselves unless we get sick. Being sick seems to be the only thing that gives us permission to slow down and take care of ourselves. Practice a little self-care and take time daily and do one or all of these things for you:

Pray or meditate
Think about 5 things you are grateful for
Eat a high protein breakfast (or drink a protein smoothie)
Pick an affirmation and say it to yourself (‘I approve of myself’ or ‘I love myself exactly as I am’)
Give someone a compliment just cause
Say a prayer of thanks before going to bed

While consistency is the recipe for success, you are the engine to move your success forward. If taking that first step seems challenging, give me a call and let’s talk about it. Click here to schedule

 

C. Lynn Williams’ Bio
C. Lynn Williams is an award-winning author, motivational speaker, educator and business owner. Her passion is helping parents create the kind of home life that welcomes communication and trust with their tweens, teens and adult children. Believing working moms can have better work-life balance, she created Finding Superwoman™ a mentoring program to help women kick the chaos out of their life. Her motto: Providing parenting solutions. Building solid foundations. Securing promising futures.
www.clynnwilliams.com