Kelley York's Blog
November 23, 2023
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August 12, 2014
We need to talk about Robin Williams and mental health
I have a very distinct memory of being young and sitting in my mom's room, watching TV with her. I remember some celebrity death on the news making her put a hand to her chest and saying something akin to, "Oh my God, I loved them so much. I can't believe they're gone." And I wondered if there was something wrong with me that I knew this actor and his death didn't really affect me. It sparked a brief conversation with us, wherein I said the one actor whose death would really sadden me was Robin Williams.
I was a kid at the time, so the movies he was making in the 90's greatly appealed to me. Hook, Jumanji, Aladdin, Mrs. Doubtfire...I watched them all again and again. I had a pair of Aladdin velcro shoes that I refused to get rid of now matter how dingy they got because the Genie was on them and he was my favorite. Robin Williams wasn't some heartthrob that I thought I'd grow up and marry some day, but he was this amazing presence who I couldn't take my eyes off of when he came on screen. He had so much energy and charm.
Then as I got older, I began watching his more serious roles (Good Will Hunting, One Hour Photo, What Dreams May Come) and was blown away that such a funny guy could give such an incredibly sincere and serious performance. I had a similar sensation when I first watched The Truman Show with Jim Carrey and was amazed that this goofy pet detective could actually act and not just act crazy on screen.
All of the gushing being said, I haven't seen a single person who did not enjoy at least a few of Williams' movies growing up. My Tumblr dash is full of posts mourning the loss of him, and so is my Facebook feed. I've seen many other actors come and go and some have made me sad, but not like this. I'm almost grateful there are movies of his I haven't yet seen so maybe I can go on pretending he's still around for awhile as I watch them. The world has truly suffered a great loss...and what makes this all the more heartbreaking is the way he died.
"He seemed so happy."
Yes, he did, didn't he? People who knew him say he was a kind and sensitive man and I'd believe it. The impression I've always gotten from seeing him in interviews was that he simply lived to make people around him smile and laugh.
So it doesn't surprise me that he, himself, suffered from bipolar and depression.
This is sparking many conversations, especially in the writing world: What is it about creative people that makes us prone to such depression and other mental health problems?
The best answer I've seen is that...it doesn't. It's the other way around. Perhaps we're creative because we suffer these things.
I can say from personal experience, as someone who has battled depression since I was a child, that there are periods of years that I have a very difficult time remembering. I don't remember my teachers or what I did with my friends. I don't remember holidays or family outings no matter how hard I try. That's the fog of depression. Yet, I can remember every story I wrote, every sketchbook I had, every character I created because it was my escape from those feelings.
I also know that when I'm feeling low I stress myself sick trying to make everyone around me happy. Because I don't want them to be as miserable as I am.
Yesterday we also lost a newborn kitten we were trying to take care of, and my wife was devastated. I cried my eyes out--in part because I was also sad, but largely because I've been in a depression lately and this felt like the last straw. I couldn't even keep a kitten alive to make her happy. I couldn't save him. And I couldn't sleep until heavily sedating myself because I kept replaying in my head all the things I could've done differently that might have given us a different outcome. I feel like I let her down and it only confirms the negative feelings I have about myself.
So it doesn't at all surprise me that someone like Robin Williams worked so hard to make others happy while suffering himself. It saddens me greatly he did not have help. Or if he did--it was not enough. No one deserves to be pushed to that edge, especially not someone who made a living bringing so much joy to others.
I beg all of you--whether you suffer from depression or not--to listen. To watch for the signs. Because often the most depressed people don't know how to ask for help. We think we're a burden and we aren't worth it. We think we're ungrateful little shits because others have it worse, and so we hang our heads and we drag our feet and try to act normal so we aren't an inconvenience to anyone else. And that isn't right.
If you're sad, talk to someone. If you're thinking about hurting yourself, please, please talk to someone. Keep talking until you find someone to listen. You are important, and you are worth it. You don't have to be an actor or a comedian or a musician or whatever. You being you is enough. The world isn't ready to lose you.
I was a kid at the time, so the movies he was making in the 90's greatly appealed to me. Hook, Jumanji, Aladdin, Mrs. Doubtfire...I watched them all again and again. I had a pair of Aladdin velcro shoes that I refused to get rid of now matter how dingy they got because the Genie was on them and he was my favorite. Robin Williams wasn't some heartthrob that I thought I'd grow up and marry some day, but he was this amazing presence who I couldn't take my eyes off of when he came on screen. He had so much energy and charm.
Then as I got older, I began watching his more serious roles (Good Will Hunting, One Hour Photo, What Dreams May Come) and was blown away that such a funny guy could give such an incredibly sincere and serious performance. I had a similar sensation when I first watched The Truman Show with Jim Carrey and was amazed that this goofy pet detective could actually act and not just act crazy on screen.
All of the gushing being said, I haven't seen a single person who did not enjoy at least a few of Williams' movies growing up. My Tumblr dash is full of posts mourning the loss of him, and so is my Facebook feed. I've seen many other actors come and go and some have made me sad, but not like this. I'm almost grateful there are movies of his I haven't yet seen so maybe I can go on pretending he's still around for awhile as I watch them. The world has truly suffered a great loss...and what makes this all the more heartbreaking is the way he died.
"He seemed so happy."
Yes, he did, didn't he? People who knew him say he was a kind and sensitive man and I'd believe it. The impression I've always gotten from seeing him in interviews was that he simply lived to make people around him smile and laugh.
So it doesn't surprise me that he, himself, suffered from bipolar and depression.
This is sparking many conversations, especially in the writing world: What is it about creative people that makes us prone to such depression and other mental health problems?
The best answer I've seen is that...it doesn't. It's the other way around. Perhaps we're creative because we suffer these things.
I can say from personal experience, as someone who has battled depression since I was a child, that there are periods of years that I have a very difficult time remembering. I don't remember my teachers or what I did with my friends. I don't remember holidays or family outings no matter how hard I try. That's the fog of depression. Yet, I can remember every story I wrote, every sketchbook I had, every character I created because it was my escape from those feelings.
I also know that when I'm feeling low I stress myself sick trying to make everyone around me happy. Because I don't want them to be as miserable as I am.
Yesterday we also lost a newborn kitten we were trying to take care of, and my wife was devastated. I cried my eyes out--in part because I was also sad, but largely because I've been in a depression lately and this felt like the last straw. I couldn't even keep a kitten alive to make her happy. I couldn't save him. And I couldn't sleep until heavily sedating myself because I kept replaying in my head all the things I could've done differently that might have given us a different outcome. I feel like I let her down and it only confirms the negative feelings I have about myself.
So it doesn't at all surprise me that someone like Robin Williams worked so hard to make others happy while suffering himself. It saddens me greatly he did not have help. Or if he did--it was not enough. No one deserves to be pushed to that edge, especially not someone who made a living bringing so much joy to others.
I beg all of you--whether you suffer from depression or not--to listen. To watch for the signs. Because often the most depressed people don't know how to ask for help. We think we're a burden and we aren't worth it. We think we're ungrateful little shits because others have it worse, and so we hang our heads and we drag our feet and try to act normal so we aren't an inconvenience to anyone else. And that isn't right.
If you're sad, talk to someone. If you're thinking about hurting yourself, please, please talk to someone. Keep talking until you find someone to listen. You are important, and you are worth it. You don't have to be an actor or a comedian or a musician or whatever. You being you is enough. The world isn't ready to lose you.
August 9, 2014
Dirty London available for download!!
I know it's sudden, but this release came much later than I would have liked so I figured...surprise! <i>Dirty London</i> is up for purchase on Amazon.
As for Barnes and Noble...I hate to say it, but they'll be coming later. I've gotten extremely few hits in the past. That being said, if you have an e-reader other than a Kindle and need a different file type, let me know and we'll make sure you get a copy. :)
As for Barnes and Noble...I hate to say it, but they'll be coming later. I've gotten extremely few hits in the past. That being said, if you have an e-reader other than a Kindle and need a different file type, let me know and we'll make sure you get a copy. :)
July 15, 2014
GUYS.GUYS, LOOK.The Pens for Paws auction--which I've bee...
GUYS.
GUYS, LOOK.
The Pens for Paws auction--which I've been apart of every year now--has come again! I'm super excited this year because I have a cool prize in there that I'm hoping will get some good bids, because Fat Kitty City deserves all the donations possible.
For those who don't know what it is, Fat Kitty City is a no-kill cat sanctuary in El Dorado Hills, CA. I've been there personally and it's just fantastic. They're home to well over a hundred cats. Not only does this place take in cats that they rehome to new families, but they keep cats who are unadoptable for various reasons. Even special needs cats who require medical attention, medications, surgery, etc. are kept and cared for. No cat is left unloved.
That is what made me fall in love with this place. The fact that vets and helpers all volunteer their time and money for these cats, even if they know they'll never find homes outside FKC.
Sooo, that being said...my auction went live today, and it's ONLY live for one day. The prizes you can win are:
E-books:
HushedSuicide WatchMade of StarsDirty London
Critique:
Query plus first 10 pagesDid you see that? DIRTY LONDON. That's right. I haven't even released ARCs for DL yet, but I'll send one to the winner of this auction, which means you can be the first person outside of a very tiny circle of beta readers who gets it.
There are a lot of other great things being auctioned off this week. Even if my prize package doesn't interest you, check out some of the others! A lot of agents and authors offer some awesome stuff.
Go, go, go!
GUYS, LOOK.
The Pens for Paws auction--which I've been apart of every year now--has come again! I'm super excited this year because I have a cool prize in there that I'm hoping will get some good bids, because Fat Kitty City deserves all the donations possible.
For those who don't know what it is, Fat Kitty City is a no-kill cat sanctuary in El Dorado Hills, CA. I've been there personally and it's just fantastic. They're home to well over a hundred cats. Not only does this place take in cats that they rehome to new families, but they keep cats who are unadoptable for various reasons. Even special needs cats who require medical attention, medications, surgery, etc. are kept and cared for. No cat is left unloved.
That is what made me fall in love with this place. The fact that vets and helpers all volunteer their time and money for these cats, even if they know they'll never find homes outside FKC.
Sooo, that being said...my auction went live today, and it's ONLY live for one day. The prizes you can win are:
E-books:
HushedSuicide WatchMade of StarsDirty London
Critique:
Query plus first 10 pagesDid you see that? DIRTY LONDON. That's right. I haven't even released ARCs for DL yet, but I'll send one to the winner of this auction, which means you can be the first person outside of a very tiny circle of beta readers who gets it.
There are a lot of other great things being auctioned off this week. Even if my prize package doesn't interest you, check out some of the others! A lot of agents and authors offer some awesome stuff.
Go, go, go!
June 23, 2014
Happy announcement!
I hereby break the radio silence to just leave this here... ;)
May 6, 2014
Hooray for the release of RUSH by @NyraeDawn!!
If you pay any attention to Nyrae Dawn on social media (and if you don't, why not?) you're already aware that today is the big release day for her first LGBT book! Although this is a spin-off from 4 Summers (which I LOVED) you don't necessarily have to read 4S to love Rush or to fall all over yourself for Alec and Brandon.
For the love of the game.
Brandon Chase has always defined himself by one thing: football. Tough and athletic, he is a great college player who enjoys the hard hits and the sweaty grind of the gridiron. But when Brandon is injured, only one person can help him get back on track-a forbidden love he's desperately tried to put behind him.
Alec Andrews has never quite forgiven Brandon for walking away when their friendship turned into something more. But he can't deny help to one of his closest friends. As the two spend the long, hot summer working together, their old attraction comes flooding back.
Now as Alec thinks about coming out to his conservative family and Brandon considers revealing he's a gay football player, the two men must be strong to fight for a love that could be the greatest rush of their lives.
"Devastatingly relevant, engaging, sexy, and ultimately heroic. Rush is the kind of book that will keep you reading late into the night." -J.H. Trumble, author of Don't Let Me Go
[BUY!]
For the love of the game.
Brandon Chase has always defined himself by one thing: football. Tough and athletic, he is a great college player who enjoys the hard hits and the sweaty grind of the gridiron. But when Brandon is injured, only one person can help him get back on track-a forbidden love he's desperately tried to put behind him.
Alec Andrews has never quite forgiven Brandon for walking away when their friendship turned into something more. But he can't deny help to one of his closest friends. As the two spend the long, hot summer working together, their old attraction comes flooding back.
Now as Alec thinks about coming out to his conservative family and Brandon considers revealing he's a gay football player, the two men must be strong to fight for a love that could be the greatest rush of their lives.
"Devastatingly relevant, engaging, sexy, and ultimately heroic. Rush is the kind of book that will keep you reading late into the night." -J.H. Trumble, author of Don't Let Me Go
[BUY!]
April 6, 2014
Cover+blurb reveal: CAR CRASH HEARTS
I love cover reveals. This one in particular because this book I'm co-writing with Rowan Altwood is probably one of my faves I've ever gotten to work on. I love our characters and our plot, and I can't wait to share this story. And because I'm impatient...I'm going to go ahead and share the cover and blurb with you all. ;)
When 19-year-old Luc Argent’s body begins to reject his new heart, he knows he doesn't have a lot of time left. Which means he’s pushing everyone away more than he usually does in order to minimize the collateral damage when he finally kicks the bucket.
Then Evelyn comes back to town.
Evelyn left California—and her best friend Luc—three years ago. Since then, she hasn’t gotten so much as an e-mail from him. So when she returns and he shows up at her doorstep with an insane idea for an impromptu road trip, she doesn't know what to think. Running away with a guy is something her mother does. Not her.
Add CCH on GoodReads!
But even after all this time she doesn’t known how to tell Luc no. Just like Luc hasn’t learned how to tell Evelyn about his illness and how serious it really is. He has a destination in mind, he has a plan, and it all revolves around him and Evelyn and what little time he has left.
April 1, 2014
Teaser: Car Crash Hearts
Because why not? Rowan and I are so excited for this book. I love our characters and our story, and I love, love, love Luc and Evelyn. So I'll start off this week with a teaser for you all:
The hot water is fading and I don’t want to waste it all and have Evie whine at me if she gets stuck with a cold shower. I finish rinsing and get out, toweling dry to the best of my ability. The mirror is defrosting, leaving me to stare at my own reflection. Messy hair in need of a cut (says my mother). Too skinny body. Long limbs.
For awhile after my surgery when I started the recovery and therapy phase of having a new heart, I looked pretty good. I felt good. I had energy and I could get through a day without feeling feverish and tired. Those good days are getting fewer and fewer and the doctors said it was a bad sign. Rejection is a normal thing with organs but they give you some meds, run some tests, get your body stable and send you home again. That’s all they can do shy of giving me another transplant.
So my choices are to wait for another heart despite that getting the first one was a stroke of luck...or to wait for the time I go into the hospital with symptoms and don’t get to leave again.
Fuck that. I’d rather run myself into the ground enjoying what time I have left.
I slide my fingers along the upraised scar down the center of my chest. Evelyn has never seen it. I want it to stay that way. I want to keep all of this as far from her as I can, for as long as I can.
March 13, 2014
Come talk to me online tonight!
Hey gang!
In honor of the .99 cent sale (of which HUSHED is a part of) for the Entangled Embrace line, they're hosting a March Madness event on Facebook today. All day, the Embrace authors will be hanging out on the event page, answering your questions and chatting about whatever.
I'll be there at 6pm PST/9pm EST. I'm nervous as hell, so if anyone wants to drop by and say hello, I'd appreciate it. ;)
Link is here!
Cheers!
In honor of the .99 cent sale (of which HUSHED is a part of) for the Entangled Embrace line, they're hosting a March Madness event on Facebook today. All day, the Embrace authors will be hanging out on the event page, answering your questions and chatting about whatever.
I'll be there at 6pm PST/9pm EST. I'm nervous as hell, so if anyone wants to drop by and say hello, I'd appreciate it. ;)
Link is here!
Cheers!
December 26, 2013
Happy Birthday @NyraeDawn !
Once upon a time, I wrote a book and had no flipping idea what I was doing.
Then I met another writer who was in a similar boat. We traded manuscripts. We critiqued. I discovered we wrote entirely different sorts of stories, and I was worried she wouldn't want to keep reading for me.
That was over four years ago.
Despite that we greatly differ in genres (hers are warm, emotional, and make you feel good and mine...uh. People die. A lot.) her way of writing has encouraged and inspired me. It's taught me a lot about softening my own writing and not being so afraid about including some happiness and romance-y mush. We're a good match. And I will always be a fan of the brilliant love stories she comes up with.
This girl is one of my best friends and one of the kindest, biggest-hearted women I know. The only bad thing about her is that I still haven't gotten to meet her in person! I feel honored and privileged that I've gotten to watch as she has grown as an author. Throughout rejection, she's kept her head held high. Throughout success, she has remained humble and always in awe, and has never forgotten her journey or the people she met throughout it.
I love this lady. Talented. Smart. Lovely. Kind. Anyone would be lucky to call her a friend. And I just wanted to wish her a very, very Happy Birthday. ♥
Also, GO READ HER BOOKS!
Then I met another writer who was in a similar boat. We traded manuscripts. We critiqued. I discovered we wrote entirely different sorts of stories, and I was worried she wouldn't want to keep reading for me.
That was over four years ago.
Despite that we greatly differ in genres (hers are warm, emotional, and make you feel good and mine...uh. People die. A lot.) her way of writing has encouraged and inspired me. It's taught me a lot about softening my own writing and not being so afraid about including some happiness and romance-y mush. We're a good match. And I will always be a fan of the brilliant love stories she comes up with.
This girl is one of my best friends and one of the kindest, biggest-hearted women I know. The only bad thing about her is that I still haven't gotten to meet her in person! I feel honored and privileged that I've gotten to watch as she has grown as an author. Throughout rejection, she's kept her head held high. Throughout success, she has remained humble and always in awe, and has never forgotten her journey or the people she met throughout it.
I love this lady. Talented. Smart. Lovely. Kind. Anyone would be lucky to call her a friend. And I just wanted to wish her a very, very Happy Birthday. ♥
Also, GO READ HER BOOKS!
