Julia London's Blog, page 38

Dog vs. Cat

Okay, so I’m pinch-hitting today—no boos from the audience.  It’s me you’re stuck with–and a funny that I’ve always loved and so am sharing with you!

 

The Dog’s Diary

  8:00 am – Dog food! My favorite thing!

9:30 am – A car ride! My favorite thing!

9:40 am – A walk in the park! My favorite thing!

10:30 am – Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!

12:00 pm – Milk bones! My favorite thing!

1:00 pm – Played in the yard! My favorite thing!

3:00 pm – Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!

5:00 pm – Dinner! My favorite thing!

7:00 pm – Got to play ball! My favorite thing!

8:00 pm – Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!

11:00 pm – Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

The Cat’s Diary

Day 983 of My Captivity

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates my capabilities. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a “good little hunter” I am. Bastards!

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of “allergies.” I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow, but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released, and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded. The bird must be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now …

So what about you?  Have a dog, a cat?  A kangaroo?  Let’s talk pets…and attitudes.   Me I’m watching my feet when Sasha is around!

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Where There’s Smoke…

There’s fire. Scary, big, rapid-spreading flames. It happened to my dad on Monday. His place of residence caught fire while he was out with his dog (thank goodness he was out with his dog). He came home to this:

April 23:

ACK! No one wants to come home to that. Everything he owned except his van, his dog, the clothes on his back, gone. His poor cockatiel Ricky, his companion of 17 years, gone. Dad didn’t plan well for retirement. He’s only 65, actually, so that reality had been slowly sinking in. He has been out of work and adjusting to living on a fixed income.

And now this. He didn’t own the house or have renter’s insurance, so… heavy loss. But thank goodness it wasn’t heavier, his dog or his own life. My dad feels gutted and destroyed, but lucky and thankful all at once. Depression is setting in. The cause of fire? It’s still not determined for certain, but it seems to be electrical, having to do with an extension cord (beware extension cords).

My family is all in the area. We were all on the phone, all day. My mother, my sisters. What are we going to do about Dad? My mother divorced him many years ago and has remarried, but she’s still friendly with my dad. We have family holidays all together. She cares about him. She mentioned that he could move in with my 94 year old grandfather.

That seemed to have promise, at first. Promise for the rest of us, maybe. Papa won’t be alone, and Dad will have a place to live! But then we considered it would be taking advantage of my grandfather’s extremely good nature, and probably not the best idea. My grandfather manages fine on his own and has earned the peaceful solitude he prefers. My dad is a big boisterous sort of man who doesn’t exactly go unnoticed. It would have been like the odd couple, which had potential from a writer’s perspective, but… no.

My younger sister still lives with my mom. My older sister has a house just big enough for her family. I bought a house last year that has an attached apartment, which is great for guests and, you know, if we ever need to have room for a parent to come live with us as they get older or need assistance… OH. Oh yeah. Tuesday night, my dad stayed with his girlfriend, if you can call her that. I can’t quite pin down their relationship, but it’s odd and blows up often enough that long-term cohabitation is probably not in the cards.

On Wednesday, he came to stay with me. It started as chaos, with our dogs not getting along, then became more like a visit, with me trying to be a good hostess and my dad testing his boundaries as guest. My husband has been away on business all this time and will come home to a more full house. We’ll all adjust, I suppose. That’s what happens, right? I’m not sure how long my dad will need a place to stay. I know it won’t be easy to find affordable housing that accepts big dogs. So my future is this, my dad living with me. With us. My husband comes home tonight. My daughter comes home from college for the summer for a few weeks, and my son has been home on a break from college to figure things out. Full House.

Do you have a good emergency plan in place? Are you looking after an older parent, or has someone come to live with you unexpectedly? Anyone have any advice for coping and making this work?  

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Space, the Final Frontier

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The world spins on with or without us.  And the passage of time, is often bittersweet.  As I age, I’m finding all kinds of new and wonderful experiences, but I’m also seeing things that were important to  me slipping away.  One of those “things” is the space exploration program at NASA.   I grew up during the race to the moon and I remember vividly planning our lives around the television coverage of those space launches.   It was miraculous, death-defying and sometimes (as with Gus Grissom and crew) horrifying.   But it was America at its best.  A new frontier—begun before Gene Roddenberry even hit the airwaves.

So it has been with a certain amount of sadness that I have watched the end of the space shuttle program.  And particularly the last ‘voyages’ of the Discovery and the Enterprise as they moved across the country to their final destinations—the Smithsonian and the Air and Space Museum respectively. [image error]

Last week my husband had gone downstairs at his office to get a coffee and was standing with a small group of employees watching as the Discovery, piggy-backed on top of a specially outfitted 747, landed in DC.   He’s feeling all sentimental.  Remembering the events of the past decades.   While two of the men watching with him were having their own conversation.  It went  (and I’m paraphrasing) something like this:

Guy one. “What’s that? Two planes together?”

Guy two. “The top one is the Challenger that went to the moon.”

[image error]Dude needed some serious history lessons.  But of course, the point is that the space race and all that it inspired  is in fact now history!  So where were you when they landed on the moon?  When Challenger blew up?   When they first talked to us from the space station?   How do you feel about the end of the space shuttle program?

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Over and over…

You know those people who listen to ONE song over and over again, looping endlessly, and never seem to get bored with it?  Yes. I am one of those people.

It comes with writing. Oftentimes, I hear a song and I know the scene that goes with that song and it loops in my head, over and over again, there are high points and low points and it moves to the finale and the words just start to flow.

Two weeks ago I heard a song on the radio, “Somebody that I used to know.” I loved it, partly because it’s kicky and a little angry, and also because I was absolutely sure that Sting was doing the vocals. But than I forgot about the song, until I heard it on the radio again.

Click here to view the embedded video.

This time, I pulled out my handy-dandy iphone and discovered that it was “Somebody that I Used To Know” by Woulter “Wally” De Backer, known professionally as Gotye. He’s a Belgian-Australian, (which sounds like a springer spaniel breed, but I digress) singer, and a “multi-instrumental” musician (aka plays a lot of different stuff).

I was hoping that Gotye had a lot more Police sounding songs, but alas, he’s more jazzy, new-agey, and this is one of the few rocker songs that he has. I hope Mr. Gotye will make more kicky, rockery, angry songs soon. I didn’t realize how much I missed the Police until I heard the song, and now I’m listening to Roxanne, Don’t Stand So Close To Me, De Do Do Do, De Da Da Da, over and over again (with a lot of “Somebody that I Used To Know” because it totally fits the story I’m working on).

Click here to view the embedded video.

So, what about youse guys? Any new songs that have caught your ear? Any bands that you miss? Can you listen to a song over and over again, or does your family get annoyed and yell at you?

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Getting together

I love getting together with my two best gal friends, Wendy and Jenni (authors Wendy Etherington and Jennifer St. Giles) but since we live about two hours apart it doesn’t happen as often as we’d like.  Weeks ago we made a date for this past weekend–party at Casa D’Alessandro!  And boy, did we have fun!  First on the agenda was lunch at the lakeside restaurant at the swanky Ritz Carlton.  Lump crab quesadilla anyone?  Yum!  The weather was perfect for chatting and laughing and sipping wine. 

Next we returned to the house, changed into bathing suits and headed to the neighborhood pool where we enjoyed the late afternoon sun.  Then, back at the house, we changed into jeans and, as writers are wont to do, we brainstormed for a couple of hours, yielding great results for all of us.  Then, because we hadn’t eaten anything in oh, about an hour, we motored back to the Ritz for nibbles and a sunset cocktail by the lake.  This was my pomegranate cucumber martini. 

I’d never had one before (really, who has??) and it was icy cold and delish.  Then we wandered over to the Ritz’s outdoor firepit where they serve free s’mores every night.  It’s so much fun!  You get a huge skewer with marshmallows to toast which you then layer between your chocolate and Graham crackers.  Oozey goodness! (is oozey a word??).  In the winter and fall they serve hot chocolate, in the spring and summer it’s lemonade.  And it’s FREE!  Which is nice since they charge fifteen bucks for a martini, LOL!

Just like Girl Scouts--except we never went camping at the Ritz, LOL!

Full of s’mores, we headed home to make dinner (’cause you know, we hadn’t eaten in ten minutes).  As is our tradition when the three of us get together, we made cheeseburgers.   Half the fun is cooking together. The other half is the end result–fabulous burgers.  The next morning my DH cooked breakfast for us (he’s not only a great guy, he LOVES to cook breakfast!  Just another thing to love about him!).  Another round of brainstorming followed, leaving us all energized and excited to get back to our writing.  It was, all around, a terrific weekend.

me, Jenni, and Wendy--the Three S'more Eatiin' Muskateers

So how did you spend your weekend?   What do you like to do when you get together with your buds?  BTW–one of the great things that came out the weekend was the gals dragged me onto Twitter!  So I am no longer a Twitter virgin!  If you’d like to follow me (heaven help you because I have NO idea where I’m going!) I’m @JacquieDbooks  

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Touch Me

Pleasing a man is something former mistress Genevieve Ralston does very well. But after her lover callously dumps her, she’s definitely off men…until she meets Simon! He’s brooding. Sexy. And she can’t keep her hands off him…

But Simon Cooperstone, Viscount Kilburn, is a spy. His mission: retrieve a mysterious letter in Genevieve’s possession. Intent on seducing her secrets from her, he forgets to guard one thing: his heart.

Each stroke of Genevieve’s talented fingers unleashes his deepest desires. Too late, he realizes that while he may be a master of the art of seduction, he’s no match for a sensual mistress…

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Mangia, Italiano!

When I graduated from college, my gift from my parents was a trip to London and Paris.  We had a fabulous time and made memories I’ll never forget.  As our son is graduating college next month, the DH and I decided that we wanted to gift him with a trip.  We told him we’d take him anywhere he wanted to go.  He’s already been to some pretty cool places–Bermuda, Caribbean, Hawaii, Snowbird, and Breckenridge–but never to Europe.  We figured he’d choose that or Australia. His choice?  Italy (with a last name like D’Alessandro, you can’t be shocked, LOL!). 

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So many cool places to see, so little time!

 The DH and I have both been to Italy, but not together, and it was a loooong time ago–before we were married– so we’re excited to go again.  We offered the boy his choice of travel (cruise, train, etc.) and being the adventurous (read: very young) sort, he wants to do the train.  So now I need to plan this trip.  I’m figuring we’ll have about 12 days, fourteen max.  We definitely want to go to Rome and Venice but other than that, it’s up for grabs.  We’ve been to Florence, but never to the Amalfi Coast or Capri or Sorrento–all places we’re interested in–and we’d like to keep backtracking to a minimum.  So, whiners, I’m looking for advice/ideas.  Whatcha got for me?

Have you ever been to Italy?  If so, what would you recommend?  What should we skip?  If you haven’t been to Italy, what’s the coolest place you’ve ever visited?  Where would you most like to visit?

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Let’s get physical!

I don’t like working out. There. I’ve said it. I don’t get that runner’s high. I don’t feel deprived when I can’t go to the gym. And I’m not a fan of residual sweat on the Nautilus machines. I mean, ick.

But at the same time, I’m not keen on having flabby thighs and a monster butt. So I’ve come to accept that some level of working out is necessary. I should probably say that I have no problems with being physical. Hauling wheelbarrows full of gravel into my back yard, digging up weeds, riding my bike for long distances, hiking in the park, swimming — these are all Good Things. But, alas, the Good Things aren’t enough. To whittle away butt-and-thigh, some more focused work needs to be done.

Since I’m not the insane amazing Julia London who purposefully runs long distances (without a bad guy chasing her!) and actually seems to enjoy it, I have to get more creative. And, yay, I’ve figured out what works for me! Tabata sprints and Body By Science. In BIS, you use the machines to lift weights to failure. So, basically, you’re lifting for probably a minute. I do the five basic machines. And then, whoo-hoo, I’m done! (the only hard thing is writing it all down and adjusting the machine each time. Hard being a relative term. As in, hard for us lazy folks who wish we could afford a trainer to follow us like a puppy dog and do that for us.)

But it’s Tabata sprints that I really, really love. I have a Tabata Timer app (it was free!) on my iPhone and that makes it super easy.

With Tabata, the idea is 4 minutes of 20 seconds like a bat out of hell, and then 10 seconds of nada. So I do one set (8 reps of the 20/10–the App does the counting down for you and beeps when it’s time to switch) on a bike, then 1 set on the floor with crunches, pushups, lunges, squats and deadlifts. And then one set on the track. I can run if it’s only for 4 minutes with breaks every 20 seconds. So 12 minutes of workout, plus the minimal between time. Doesn’t sound like much, does it? But trust me when I say that you really feel it. Now I just have to stick with it …

How about the rest of y’all? What’s your exercise of choice? Have you done the Tabata thing? How’d it work out for you?

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Can’t Touch This!

A few weeks ago, VB brought these to my attention. A new twist on MC Hammer pants? Picnic Pants! When you need a handy table, just look to your crotch. Um, yeah. I don’t want to touch these.[image error]

Something else that shouldn’t be touched? Other people’s cell phones! Other people! Celebrities who have recently gotten in trouble for forcibly grabbing other people’s phones (presumably fans on the street snapping photos): Chris Brown (Rihanna beater, no surprise) and Russell Brand. And now we can add Johnny Depp to the list. Oh no, not Johnny! According to a recent lawsuit, Johnny Depp had his security team forcibly remove a woman from a VIP area and handcuff her, take her iPhone, and… well, read the LA Times article here. Scary stuff, if true. You always have to wonder about these stories. [image error]

You definitely can’t touch these similes and metaphors, courtesy of some Washington Post readers in 1995. We have some pretty good writers here, but I’m not sure we’re that good. Examples:

Fourth Runner-Up: Oooo, he smells bad, she thought, as bad as Calvin Klein’s Obsession would smell if it were called Enema and was made from spoiled Spamburgers instead of natural floral fragrances. (Jennifer Frank, Washington, and Jimmy Pontzer, Sterling)

Third Runner-Up: The baseball player stepped out of the box and spit like a fountain statue of a Greek god that scratches itself a lot and spits brown, rusty tobacco water and refuses to sign autographs for all the little Greek kids unless they pay him lots of drachmas.(Ken Krattenmaker, Landover Hills)

Second Runner-Up: I felt a nameless dread. Well, there probably is a long German name for it, like Geschpooklichkeit or something, but I don’t speak German. Anyway, it’s a dread that nobody knows the name for, like those little square plastic gizmos that close your bread bags. I don’t know the name for those either. (Jack Bross, Chevy Chase)

First Runner-Up: She was as unhappy as when someone puts your cake out in the rain, and all the sweet green icing flows down and then you lose the recipe, and on top of that you can’t sing worth a damn.(Joseph Romm, Washington)

And the winner: His fountain pen was so expensive it looked as if someone had grabbed the pope, turned him upside down and started writing with the tip of his big pointy hat. (Jeffrey Carl, Richmond)

Honorable Mentions:

Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever. (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)

The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t. (Russell Beland, Springfield)

McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup. (Paul Sabourin, Silver Spring)

His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free. (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)

Do you want your very own pair of picnic pants? What do you think of the Johnny Depp story? True? False? Need more facts? Can you top these Washington Post similes/metaphors? Go for it!  

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Cosmo Girl!

As you guys probably already know, Deadly Dance, the fifth book in my A-Tac series, was featured in the May issue of Cosmo as its Hot Read!   As you probably also already know, I’m really excited about it.  I read Cosmo religiously when I was younger.  And still like to flip through the pages from time to time to see what’s hot and what’s not!

Anyway, for those of you who love the magazine as much as I do, my publisher, Grand Central, is giving away two subscriptions to Cosmo this Friday.  For a chance to win, go to the Forever Website and comment!  Hey, it’s never too late to be a Cosmo girl!  I’m living proof!!!

So what about you?  Did you, do you, ready Cosmo?   What is your favorite part?  (I love the quizzes).   What other magazines are a must reads?  Do you read in print or online?  Inquiring minds want to know!!!

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