Mark R. Hunter's Blog, page 78
January 1, 2016
Forget Resolutions: Try Goals
I don’t have this peculiar, almost pathological hatred of New Year’s resolutions some people have. Maybe that’s because I haven’t made one since 1989, and so haven’t experienced the loathing that comes with breaking them.
Still, I do set goals. I’m not sure what the differences is, except that resolutions come with a party hat and a large cup of questionable liquid. Goals should never be made while under the influence of booze, parties, or trying to impress woman. (Or men.)
My first goal for 2016 is, in theory, an easy one: to get published at least twice. Since 2011 I’ve had seven books published, which works out to … um … well, less than two books a year. (Now that I think about it, my 1989 resolution was to get better at math.)
It’s an easy goal in theory, because I’m already shopping three completed novels to agents and editors. With two more almost done, I could switch to independent publishing and get two out this year. The problem comes with finding time to write more books. By my count, if I don’t produce more manuscripts, I’ll run out in … um … a few years. So the next goal is the hard one: complete at least the first drafts of two more books by 2017. It’s a good thing I dedicated myself to writing full time. It’s a bad thing I still have my day job, which I work at night.
My next goal is to lose 35 pounds by spring. I’m not doing this for me: I’m doing this because my doctor told me to and, more importantly, my wife found out my doctor told me to. So this is a selfless act, something I’m doing for them. You fans, stop sending chocolate and chips to my home. Send them to my workplace, care of me. My day job workplace.
My final goal is to declutter my life, which translates to decluttering my house. Like many people who grew up poor, I can’t stand to throw anything away. “This broken 8-track player could be repaired! Suppose I lost my job, and this was my only way to listen to music?”
There’s a certain irony that many lower middle class people have more stuff than rich people do. When something breaks for a rich person, they throw it away; when something breaks for a less than rich person, they put it in the garage “just in case”. I do this despite the fact that I have absolutely no ability to ever repair anything.
Here’s another way to put it: If you keep something because you might need it someday, but when you finally do need it you have so much stuff you can’t find it—keeping it was pointless.
So my goals for 2016 amount to more writing and less of everything else. See? I boiled it down to one sentence, and left the resolutions to the United Nations. You might say I decluttered already.
Still, I do set goals. I’m not sure what the differences is, except that resolutions come with a party hat and a large cup of questionable liquid. Goals should never be made while under the influence of booze, parties, or trying to impress woman. (Or men.)
My first goal for 2016 is, in theory, an easy one: to get published at least twice. Since 2011 I’ve had seven books published, which works out to … um … well, less than two books a year. (Now that I think about it, my 1989 resolution was to get better at math.)
It’s an easy goal in theory, because I’m already shopping three completed novels to agents and editors. With two more almost done, I could switch to independent publishing and get two out this year. The problem comes with finding time to write more books. By my count, if I don’t produce more manuscripts, I’ll run out in … um … a few years. So the next goal is the hard one: complete at least the first drafts of two more books by 2017. It’s a good thing I dedicated myself to writing full time. It’s a bad thing I still have my day job, which I work at night.
My next goal is to lose 35 pounds by spring. I’m not doing this for me: I’m doing this because my doctor told me to and, more importantly, my wife found out my doctor told me to. So this is a selfless act, something I’m doing for them. You fans, stop sending chocolate and chips to my home. Send them to my workplace, care of me. My day job workplace.
My final goal is to declutter my life, which translates to decluttering my house. Like many people who grew up poor, I can’t stand to throw anything away. “This broken 8-track player could be repaired! Suppose I lost my job, and this was my only way to listen to music?”
There’s a certain irony that many lower middle class people have more stuff than rich people do. When something breaks for a rich person, they throw it away; when something breaks for a less than rich person, they put it in the garage “just in case”. I do this despite the fact that I have absolutely no ability to ever repair anything.
Here’s another way to put it: If you keep something because you might need it someday, but when you finally do need it you have so much stuff you can’t find it—keeping it was pointless.
So my goals for 2016 amount to more writing and less of everything else. See? I boiled it down to one sentence, and left the resolutions to the United Nations. You might say I decluttered already.
December 31, 2015
Leaving 2015 With a Sniffle
Well, the head cold that spread into my sinuses claimed another victim: Emily got the cold even worse than I did, although if she follows my history it shouldn’t last terribly long (unless it spreads into her sinuses).
As for me, yesterday the doctor put two more shots of antibiotics into my derriere or, as Hawkeye Pierce put it, the back of my front. If you include my allergy shots, that means I’ve had six shots in three places in three days … or four places, if you count each cheek separately. The difference is, antibiotic shots feel for a while like being kicked by an angry mule—twice.
Still, sinus infections aren’t unheard of after this surgery, and the doc tells me my sore throat is actually good news, in a way—my sinus passages are already draining better than they used to. I’ve decided to think of this bout of ick not as how the New Year starts, but as a way of saying good riddance to the old year. Naturally, I’m not so dumb as to say 2016 can only be better.
On the brighter side, we’re getting really good at treating illnesses! You might want to NOT say anything to Emily that includes the words “brighter side”.
As for me, yesterday the doctor put two more shots of antibiotics into my derriere or, as Hawkeye Pierce put it, the back of my front. If you include my allergy shots, that means I’ve had six shots in three places in three days … or four places, if you count each cheek separately. The difference is, antibiotic shots feel for a while like being kicked by an angry mule—twice.
Still, sinus infections aren’t unheard of after this surgery, and the doc tells me my sore throat is actually good news, in a way—my sinus passages are already draining better than they used to. I’ve decided to think of this bout of ick not as how the New Year starts, but as a way of saying good riddance to the old year. Naturally, I’m not so dumb as to say 2016 can only be better.
On the brighter side, we’re getting really good at treating illnesses! You might want to NOT say anything to Emily that includes the words “brighter side”.
December 28, 2015
Fun With Icy Sinuses
I missed all the fun and exciting ice/wind storm stuff today due to a little post-operative problem. No, as predictable as it would be, I do not have another sinus infection.
I have a SUPER sinus infection. The doc gave me two shots of kryptonite today, and if that doesn’t work, he’s sending in Batman.
Boy, I wish I was kidding about the shots. I can barely sit down.
But at least we have power, for now, and a lot of people around here don’t. Just a quick reminder, so you don’t end up with the kind of pain I’m in: Be very cautious of fire, whether candles to light your home, or auxiliary heating like kerosene. Fire danger is high, and with open flames or generators, there’s a carbon monoxide hazard. Remember that just because downed power lines are quiet doesn’t mean they’re not live, and just because you can’t see ice doesn’t mean you aren’t about to look like Charlie Brown kicking the football. Be careful.
I have a SUPER sinus infection. The doc gave me two shots of kryptonite today, and if that doesn’t work, he’s sending in Batman.
Boy, I wish I was kidding about the shots. I can barely sit down.
But at least we have power, for now, and a lot of people around here don’t. Just a quick reminder, so you don’t end up with the kind of pain I’m in: Be very cautious of fire, whether candles to light your home, or auxiliary heating like kerosene. Fire danger is high, and with open flames or generators, there’s a carbon monoxide hazard. Remember that just because downed power lines are quiet doesn’t mean they’re not live, and just because you can’t see ice doesn’t mean you aren’t about to look like Charlie Brown kicking the football. Be careful.
Ice, Ice, Baby … and Snow
Well, it seems we’re in for a return to normal weather here in Northern Indiana … can’t say I’m thrilled with the idea. As I write this there’s freezing rain coming in; by the time you read this, it will have arrived, or not. Then it’ll get cold, which again—not a fan.
Just the same, we seem to be one of the quiet spots around the country at the moment. There are blizzard, flood, winter storm, and ice storm warnings across the nation, winter storm and flash flood watches, more thunderstorm forecasts threatening tornadoes across the south, and even a few places that might be uncomfortably warm.
All of this gives us something to talk (and write) about, but that doesn’t make it fun. Be careful! Stay safe, dry, and prepared.
Just the same, we seem to be one of the quiet spots around the country at the moment. There are blizzard, flood, winter storm, and ice storm warnings across the nation, winter storm and flash flood watches, more thunderstorm forecasts threatening tornadoes across the south, and even a few places that might be uncomfortably warm.
All of this gives us something to talk (and write) about, but that doesn’t make it fun. Be careful! Stay safe, dry, and prepared.
December 27, 2015
How the Grinch Spent Christmas
I was waiting for this to be released on video and as a result waited too long … so now here’s my new Christmas column, coming out just in time for my youngest daughter’s birthday. I thought of deleting “Scrooge” and putting in “Jill”, but it just didn’t work.
This is a busy time of year for my publisher, and I’d imagine they couldn’t find the time to do the animation—hopefully next year. Meanwhile, you just have to read this and imagine my voice or, perhaps better, don’t. It was originally in print in the 4County Mall (previously the Kendallville Mall), then on their website here:
http://www.4countymall.com/mark-hunte...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
SLIGHTLY OFF THE MARK:
How the Grinch Spent Christmas
I was in Dollar General—
I don’t make this stuff up—
When I ran into the Grinch,
And his reindeer, the pup.
“What brings you to town?” I asked, to be nice.
“The last time I heard you suffered the vice
Of hating all Christmas, the presents and lights;
Yet you stand in the isle of Yuletide delights.”
It’s true: We were right in the holiday lane,
The same place I cursed when Halloween came.
There were pine trees by pumpkins, costumes with wreaths.
You could get pumpkin spice with mint or with wraiths.
(See what I did, there?)
“I’ve joined the club”, he told me with a sneer.
“I’m going full out on Christmas this year.
I’m buying up lights and tinsel and stuff;
Don’t know what this is, but I can’t get enough.”
The thing he held up was a Thanksgiving display,
On clearance from last month, but I didn’t say.
“But I don’t understand,” I told the green guy.
“I thought you hate Christmas, and want it to die.”
“Oh, I do,” said the Grinch, with a Darth Vader like laugh.
(I don’t think Vader chortled, so that may be a gaff.)
“I’m joining the club; I’m going all in.
The result is a club they won’t want to be in!
“I’m putting up stockings, a tree in each room,
Outside speakers from which carols will boom.
Gaudy garland to drape all over my cave,
And starting that evening: all night holiday rave.
“I’ll have not tree skirts—oh no, tree gowns!
My garland will go wrapping around and around
Not just my home but the whole doggone mountain—
And a red, green, and yellow spice flavored fountain.
“Candles and pillows and shelves of snow globes,
Warm but so gaudy sweaters and robes,
Pillows and rugs and a gingerbread house—
And my wife will be decored … if I find me a spouse.
“Decoration limits? We won’t have any lid.
My holiday lights will take down the whole grid!
I’ll blind passing planes, then I’ll darken the state.
And then I’ll light candles and start a clean slate.
“And, oh yes, I’ll put my own name up in a blaze,
In rich Christmas colors, to cut through the haze
So all the Who’s down in Whoeville, that dump
Will know it is I who gave Christmas a bump.”
I have to admit, I was a bit mystified.
When it comes to the Grinch—well, this wasn’t the side
You think of when picturing this big green guy.
(Sure, he’s no Hulk, but still.)
So with great trepidation, I had to ask: “Why?”
“Why? You want to know why?”
(He sounded very much like Jack Nicolson at this point.)
“I’ll tell you why.
“My plan can’t be stopped, so I’ll tell you the reason:
By the time I’m done you’ll be sick of this season.
Everyone will hate Christmas: The music will grate,
The spice cinnamon stuff will make them hesitate
“To go out and carol, even if it fat free!
Or at least that’s how I’d feel, if caroling me.
And when it’s all done, they’ll feel the same way
As they feel about me—the Grinch—every day.”
I have to admit, he’d made a good plan.
Immersion attack from a Christmas hit man.
And it would have worked too, except he didn’t see
It had already been done, with consumerist glee.
I began to explain, but we’d hit the checkout,
And I realized what he was about to find out.
The clerk rang it up, a green sounding ring,
The numbers kept rising with every new bling.
The Grinch stumbled back, his hand to his head.
“With that bill the reindeer dog won’t get fed,
The heat will go off, hot chocolate won’t trickle—
I’ll end up a homeless, frozen Grinch-cicle!”
And he left his load there: every last light and trinket.
“If I knew of the cost I never would think it!
I’m going old school, next year I’ll lay low
And steal all the stuff from the Who’s down below.”
It’s an odd way to save Christmas, I think you’ll agree.
But that’s just how it happened … take it from me.
This is a busy time of year for my publisher, and I’d imagine they couldn’t find the time to do the animation—hopefully next year. Meanwhile, you just have to read this and imagine my voice or, perhaps better, don’t. It was originally in print in the 4County Mall (previously the Kendallville Mall), then on their website here:
http://www.4countymall.com/mark-hunte...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
SLIGHTLY OFF THE MARK:
How the Grinch Spent Christmas
I was in Dollar General—
I don’t make this stuff up—
When I ran into the Grinch,
And his reindeer, the pup.
“What brings you to town?” I asked, to be nice.
“The last time I heard you suffered the vice
Of hating all Christmas, the presents and lights;
Yet you stand in the isle of Yuletide delights.”
It’s true: We were right in the holiday lane,
The same place I cursed when Halloween came.
There were pine trees by pumpkins, costumes with wreaths.
You could get pumpkin spice with mint or with wraiths.
(See what I did, there?)
“I’ve joined the club”, he told me with a sneer.
“I’m going full out on Christmas this year.
I’m buying up lights and tinsel and stuff;
Don’t know what this is, but I can’t get enough.”
The thing he held up was a Thanksgiving display,
On clearance from last month, but I didn’t say.
“But I don’t understand,” I told the green guy.
“I thought you hate Christmas, and want it to die.”
“Oh, I do,” said the Grinch, with a Darth Vader like laugh.
(I don’t think Vader chortled, so that may be a gaff.)
“I’m joining the club; I’m going all in.
The result is a club they won’t want to be in!
“I’m putting up stockings, a tree in each room,
Outside speakers from which carols will boom.
Gaudy garland to drape all over my cave,
And starting that evening: all night holiday rave.
“I’ll have not tree skirts—oh no, tree gowns!
My garland will go wrapping around and around
Not just my home but the whole doggone mountain—
And a red, green, and yellow spice flavored fountain.
“Candles and pillows and shelves of snow globes,
Warm but so gaudy sweaters and robes,
Pillows and rugs and a gingerbread house—
And my wife will be decored … if I find me a spouse.
“Decoration limits? We won’t have any lid.
My holiday lights will take down the whole grid!
I’ll blind passing planes, then I’ll darken the state.
And then I’ll light candles and start a clean slate.
“And, oh yes, I’ll put my own name up in a blaze,
In rich Christmas colors, to cut through the haze
So all the Who’s down in Whoeville, that dump
Will know it is I who gave Christmas a bump.”
I have to admit, I was a bit mystified.
When it comes to the Grinch—well, this wasn’t the side
You think of when picturing this big green guy.
(Sure, he’s no Hulk, but still.)
So with great trepidation, I had to ask: “Why?”
“Why? You want to know why?”
(He sounded very much like Jack Nicolson at this point.)
“I’ll tell you why.
“My plan can’t be stopped, so I’ll tell you the reason:
By the time I’m done you’ll be sick of this season.
Everyone will hate Christmas: The music will grate,
The spice cinnamon stuff will make them hesitate
“To go out and carol, even if it fat free!
Or at least that’s how I’d feel, if caroling me.
And when it’s all done, they’ll feel the same way
As they feel about me—the Grinch—every day.”
I have to admit, he’d made a good plan.
Immersion attack from a Christmas hit man.
And it would have worked too, except he didn’t see
It had already been done, with consumerist glee.
I began to explain, but we’d hit the checkout,
And I realized what he was about to find out.
The clerk rang it up, a green sounding ring,
The numbers kept rising with every new bling.
The Grinch stumbled back, his hand to his head.
“With that bill the reindeer dog won’t get fed,
The heat will go off, hot chocolate won’t trickle—
I’ll end up a homeless, frozen Grinch-cicle!”
And he left his load there: every last light and trinket.
“If I knew of the cost I never would think it!
I’m going old school, next year I’ll lay low
And steal all the stuff from the Who’s down below.”
It’s an odd way to save Christmas, I think you’ll agree.
But that’s just how it happened … take it from me.
December 26, 2015
Post-Christmas Cheer
I always get in the mood for Christmas right after Christmas. I can’t explain why, but the day after Christmas, when everyone and his brother completely stops playing Christmas music, is when I want to hear it. Well, that’s what CD’s are for. This year I might just let it go early, since my oldest daughter got me the new Star Wars movie score as a gift. A day spent writing and sipping tea with John Williams playing in the background? Yes, please.
Between my surgery, overtime, and various other factors, there wasn’t much lead time this year, so Christmas came and went in a flash … or is that part of getting older? Although it’s over, I’d like to share one of my favorite, if badly rhymed, Christmas columns:
http://markrhunter.blogspot.com/2013/...
Also, you can still read/download my new Christmas short story, and two other short stories, on our website:
http://markrhunter.com/extras.html
Between my surgery, overtime, and various other factors, there wasn’t much lead time this year, so Christmas came and went in a flash … or is that part of getting older? Although it’s over, I’d like to share one of my favorite, if badly rhymed, Christmas columns:
http://markrhunter.blogspot.com/2013/...
Also, you can still read/download my new Christmas short story, and two other short stories, on our website:
http://markrhunter.com/extras.html
December 21, 2015
Happy Birthday, Sunny
Today’s the birthday of my wife Emily, who was born on what’s usually the first day of winter—or, more optimistically, the time when the days start getting longer. (This year winter comes a day late.) The way I see it, that just makes her nickname, Sunny, that much more appropriate.
You have to wonder what Emily expected when she agreed to marry me. It certainly couldn’t have been Indiana winters, every medical malady known to man, and the strange, long hours of a third shifter who’s also a struggling writer.
She’s become my editor, book designer, nurse, dog wrangler, traveling partner, photographer, best friend, and—oh yeah—the love of my life. And she puts up with my puns. She doesn’t like them, but she puts up with them. See, this is how I know she loves me: Why else stick around?
Emily is also my inspiration. I know without a doubt that without her, I wouldn’t have had as much writing success as I have—she pushes me, promotes me, and encourages me. Boy, do writers need encouragement these days. We have seven books out, and two more almost ready to go … without her I’d have managed maybe three by now. Our self-published projects would have been impossible for me to do alone.
I’m still on the mend from my sinus surgery and not feeling great, and there’s overtime this week, so I can’t say how good of a birthday I’ll give her this year. But, as with the first day of winter, there’s that glimmer of more sunshine in the future. In other words, by next year I hope to have my act together. Either way, I’m already a better person for knowing my Sunny; love does that.
You have to wonder what Emily expected when she agreed to marry me. It certainly couldn’t have been Indiana winters, every medical malady known to man, and the strange, long hours of a third shifter who’s also a struggling writer.
She’s become my editor, book designer, nurse, dog wrangler, traveling partner, photographer, best friend, and—oh yeah—the love of my life. And she puts up with my puns. She doesn’t like them, but she puts up with them. See, this is how I know she loves me: Why else stick around?
Emily is also my inspiration. I know without a doubt that without her, I wouldn’t have had as much writing success as I have—she pushes me, promotes me, and encourages me. Boy, do writers need encouragement these days. We have seven books out, and two more almost ready to go … without her I’d have managed maybe three by now. Our self-published projects would have been impossible for me to do alone.
I’m still on the mend from my sinus surgery and not feeling great, and there’s overtime this week, so I can’t say how good of a birthday I’ll give her this year. But, as with the first day of winter, there’s that glimmer of more sunshine in the future. In other words, by next year I hope to have my act together. Either way, I’m already a better person for knowing my Sunny; love does that.
December 20, 2015
Merry Trek-mas!
Emily made this Christmas decoration a few years ago. See if you can guess what it’s called … you SF fans, you should be able to figure it out.
http://markrhunter.blogspot.com/2015/...
http://markrhunter.blogspot.com/2015/...
December 19, 2015
My Voice Can Tell of My Winterizing Fail
From Scher Maihem Studios … my voice before I had sinus surgery!
And probably still my voice after, too. But here’s my column about winterizing, which you may have read last month under “Winterizing’s Not for the Weak” – now on audio with some whimsical video to go along. Personally I’m not a fan of my own voice, although I sound just find singing, as long as it’s in the shower without witnesses.
https://player.vimeo.com/video/147178362
Don’t forget, you can always see my Slightly Off the Mark column first in the Kendallville Mall!
Or:
From Scher Maihem Studios … my voice before I had sinus surgery!
And probably still my voice after, too. But here’s my column about winterizing, which you may have read last month under “Winterizing’s Not for the Weak” – now on audio with some whimsical video to go along. Personally I’m not a fan of my own voice, although I sound just find singing, as long as it’s in the shower without witnesses.
https://player.vimeo.com/video/147178362
Or see below if my computer talents work ... but I doubt it. Don’t forget, you can always see my Slightly Off the Mark column first in the Kendallville Mall!
And probably still my voice after, too. But here’s my column about winterizing, which you may have read last month under “Winterizing’s Not for the Weak” – now on audio with some whimsical video to go along. Personally I’m not a fan of my own voice, although I sound just find singing, as long as it’s in the shower without witnesses.
https://player.vimeo.com/video/147178362
Don’t forget, you can always see my Slightly Off the Mark column first in the Kendallville Mall!
Or:
From Scher Maihem Studios … my voice before I had sinus surgery!
And probably still my voice after, too. But here’s my column about winterizing, which you may have read last month under “Winterizing’s Not for the Weak” – now on audio with some whimsical video to go along. Personally I’m not a fan of my own voice, although I sound just find singing, as long as it’s in the shower without witnesses.
https://player.vimeo.com/video/147178362
Or see below if my computer talents work ... but I doubt it. Don’t forget, you can always see my Slightly Off the Mark column first in the Kendallville Mall!
Winterizing-SOTM from Scher Maihem Studios on Vimeo.
December 18, 2015
Free short story: “Look Outside”
Here’s our Christmas present to fans, readers, friends, non-fans, and … well, non-readers maybe won’t appreciate it. Just go to our website extras page at http://markrhunter.com/extras.html, and you’ll find a new short story, “Look Outside’, as well as stories from the previous two years. Download the PDF and enjoy on the device of your choice, and let me know if you like it!
The No-Campfire Girls first paired Beth Hamlin and Cassidy Quinn, and in “Look Outside” we find they’ve developed a long-distance friendship: Beth lives in northern Indiana and Cassidy at the southern end of the state. Both are missing a parent at Christmastime, and it takes an extra holiday effort to cheer them up.
We previously met Beth in all four of my published works of fiction: Storm Chaser, Storm Chaser Shorts, The Notorious Ian Grant, and The No-Campfire Girls. In addition to her appearance in the latter work, Cassidy is the lead in a so-far unpublished YA mystery, Red is For Ick. Don’t worry: Although events from other stories are mentioned, you don’t have to read them to enjoy the story … although I’d be happy if you did.
Merry Christmas, and Happy Holidays!
The No-Campfire Girls first paired Beth Hamlin and Cassidy Quinn, and in “Look Outside” we find they’ve developed a long-distance friendship: Beth lives in northern Indiana and Cassidy at the southern end of the state. Both are missing a parent at Christmastime, and it takes an extra holiday effort to cheer them up.
We previously met Beth in all four of my published works of fiction: Storm Chaser, Storm Chaser Shorts, The Notorious Ian Grant, and The No-Campfire Girls. In addition to her appearance in the latter work, Cassidy is the lead in a so-far unpublished YA mystery, Red is For Ick. Don’t worry: Although events from other stories are mentioned, you don’t have to read them to enjoy the story … although I’d be happy if you did.
Merry Christmas, and Happy Holidays!
