Cory Silverberg's Blog, page 22

A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Sexual Mountaintop

Over the holidays I had time to catch up on my favorite podcast. It's WTF with Marc Maron, and if you haven't listened to it before, you should. Maron, a comedian and performer who among other things had a radio show on Air America, has been doing the podcast since 2009, though is new to me. It's definitely not for everyone, but you have to respect how hard Maron works and how intense he is about the things he cares about. Mostly the things he cares about are himself. But luckily he's...

New Study Untangles Sexual Satisfaction, Desire, and Activity Among Older Women (and the Rest of Us)

A study published this week in the American Journal of Medicine challenges some of ways we tend to think about and talk about sex and aging, and as importantly, challenges the dominant medical frame on sexuality, which focuses on dysfunction rather than satisfaction or pleasure.

The study asked just over 800 women aged 40 to 99 to respond to surveys about their recent sexual activity, overall sexual satisfaction, and sexual desire. The women were not representative of the general...

My Ejaculation Situation

I'm making one New Year's resolution. I get many great questions by email and I don't have time to respond to them all. This is something I feel bad about. My resolution for this year is to not only reply to a few more questions each week, but to try and publish at least one response a week. And as a sub-resolution I'm going to try and feel less bad about the whole thing. I think I have a good chance of achieving one of these goals.

This week's question comes from a 53 year old who is...

Sexual Losses 2011

This is the sixth year that I've compiled a (very incomplete) list of people we lost in 2011 whose life and work touched others, and in some ways contributed to our overall understanding of sexuality and gender. It's become a kind of mournful ritual for me. As people pass away I mourn their loss, but I also begin to put them on a list. I start thinking about it in mid-November and begin work in earnest in December. There are no criteria to who is on this list. My approach is neither...

2011 Top Ten Sex Questions

Often when people find out just how many people I talk to and correspond with about their sex lives every year they want to know what the most common question I get asked is. They usually also want to know what's the strangest thing I've been asked. I never have an answer to that second question. It's one of those deny-the-premise questions. After more than twenty years of talking to people about sex I just don't think about sex the way I used to or the way it seems to me a lot of people d...

2011 Holiday Sex Guide

I know plenty of people who spend this time of year trying to avoid the holidays. I know even more who both love and hate the holidays. I don't know anyone who isn't impacted in some way by the avalanche of messages we receive from practically ever corner of society that this time is special, or different in some way.

Avoidance may work for some, but I think it should only be part of any strategy. Another part should be action. Plan for things that will make you feel better, ground you...

Sex Question: Why Won't My Body Cooperate?

I recently received an email from a young man who just started having sex, really wants to have more, but finds that his body is blocking his desire at every turn. Part of the problem is that as a guy there is an expectation that for him to have sex he needs to have an erection. He feels this way and so do the men he is hooking up with. Never mind that he describes these guys as "kind of douchy" even the non-douches think that the ultimate sign of a man's sexual interest is an erection.

I...

Packing Sexy, Packing Smart

If you can afford to fly somewhere this month to either increase or decrease the distance from you and your family now is the time to plan some of your packing. I'm not talking about which sweater to pack for your planned ugly holiday sweater party. I'm talking about sex toys, which, if you're packing to survive, should be something you've already thought of.

Unless you're heading out early, and your destination has a good sex shop, bringing even a small toy, a minor sexual distraction...

International Day to End Violence Against Sex Workers 2011

I've been trying to get my head around the idea of rights lately. Something I've said many times over the year is that sexual rights are human rights. What I've been trying to think through is what we mean by a "right" exactly. it's something that we're owed? Something we deserve? Is a right something that makes us human? And if it is, what does that say about the millions of people who are denied even the things most of us would agree should be basic rights of all humans? Is there a b...

Sexual Giving and Receiving

I'm not sure if I'd agree that generosity is better than sex but it seems obvious that there's a relationship between giving and receiving.

When we talk about sex in public so much of our focus is on one or the other of these acts and experiences. We're persuaded, cajoled, guilted, and shamed into being a great lover, which means making sure our partner is satisfied and reporting their satisfaction to the planet. We're exhorted to know ourselves, find our spots, and allow ourselves to be w...