Jade C. Jamison's Blog, page 38

Lions and Tigers and Zombies–Oh, My!

So I was lamenting (and am getting over it) that sales for Savage are lower than I anticipated.  I knew they’d be lower because of the zombie angle, but they’re really lower.  That’s okay too.  I can deal with it.  What’s frustrating, though, is that, in between the people who have given it a chance and get where my story was coming from, there are people afraid to read it because of the zombie angle and other people complaining that it wasn’t chock full of enough zombie action.

Let me just vent this once and tell you why I find this pretty irritating.  I don’t find it irritating that readers don’t want to take a chance.  I get that.  I understand why people would fear that the book would be something they wouldn’t want to read–zombies are, in one of my blogger friend’s words, a “hard limit.”  I respect and understand that, in spite of the fact that I think most of my regular readers would enjoy it anyway.

Here’s the part that pisses me off.  The last paragraph in my blurb reads thus:  “This is NOT your boyfriend’s zombie book…”  Why did I say that?  The main reason is because I wanted readers to know, right off the bat, that it is not a story heavy with zombies.  Yes, there are zombies; yes, there is zombie killing; but zombies are not the focus of the book.  Zombies are not the main characters.  Zombies are not the point.  No, zombies are background.  Zombies are the catalyst of the plot but they are not what the story is about.  Not by a long shot.  If you want zombie action, watch The Walking Dead.  Watch Shaun of the Dead.  Rent World War Z.

Don’t read it if you don’t want to, but please don’t go into it expecting Night of the Living Dead, ’cause you’re not getting it from me.  In fact, nine times out of ten you’re not going to get a standard book from me, and the sooner you learn that, the happier we’ll all be. 

My sincere thanks to all of you who gave it a chance and loved it.  I appreciate it more than you know.

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The Great Experiment, Part I

Did I get your attention?

I’ve been trying a few experiments, now that my sales have dropped, and one of the first things I did was try moving one of my books (Substitute Boyfriend) exclusively to Amazon for a three-month period as part of its KDP Select program.  For the first year and a half as an indie, I tried it out and made a conscious decision to avoid it for many reasons (which I’d outlined at the time).  Now, though, I’m trying new things as the market continues to evolve and change.  I’m dead in the water if I don’t adapt!

Anyway, that said, experiment number one is over and I don’t know that I’ve learned much of anything from it, in spite of the fact that one the three days when I offered it free, thousands of copies flew off the virtual shelves.  Maybe I got some new readers?  Maybe I earned some new haters?  No idea.  I do know a few of my regular readers picked it up free and thousands of people who probably haven’t heard of me snagged it.  Have they read it?  I have no idea.  I will tell you this much:  I’m going to keep trying, going to keep switching it up until I figure out what works.

Long story short, I wanted to let you know that Substitute Boyfriend is once again available on all other venues, its period of exclusivity over, so if it was one you wanted to read but you’re not a Kindle reader, you can snag it now.  It’s a lighthearted read, not one of my darker books, perfect for sunnier days.

You haven’t read it???    Well, maybe the blurb and a teaser will entice you!  Here ya go!

~ Blurb ~

Elizabeth Slade, a college English instructor, has experienced success as a romance writer, but she has a dirty little secret: She can’t write sex scenes without a little help from Ridley, a gorgeous guy who plays her pretend boyfriend and makes a booty call whenever her imagination is flailing.

She’d like for Ridley to commit to be her permanent and real boyfriend, and she thinks that’s where they’re headed until she finds him getting way too cozy with another woman in a bar.

At that point, she enlists the help of her friend, fellow college instructor Roman Decker, who offers to temporarily take Ridley’s place while she sorts through her emotions. She grows confused when she realizes she’s also attracted to Roman. When Ridley comes back to her on bended knee, does she take the bad boy who broke her heart or try to convince her friend to make a real go of it?

 ~ Teaser ~

“I guess I’ll just do what I did before Ridley was in the picture—I’ll write strictly from my imagination.”

Roman was containing another smile when he said, “So let me get this straight. You would set up a scenario and then act it out, and whatever happened, you would just kind of transcribe?”

“Well, no, it wasn’t exactly like that. I would plot out the whole book. It was just the sex scenes…that we would act out.” My cheeks flamed again. “Sometimes it’s hard to imagine exactly how something feels or works until you try it.”

Oh, he was enjoying this way too much. “Can you give me an example?”

I sneered. “Not without another drink.” I grabbed the bottle and snatched my shot glass back from him, pouring the amber liquid to the rim. I drank it down fast. That one made me shudder, because I’d been sobering up quite nicely. Then I looked him square in the eyes. I wanted him to wipe the amused look off his face, because it made it harder for me to talk about it. “Okay, so, for example, I had been picturing this scene in my head where the hero and heroine are in the front seat of a car and he’s going to…” I looked down at the table. I really couldn’t look him in the eyes to tell him this. “…go down on her, but they’re still in the front seat, right? So I needed to work out if they could actually do it. You know, if you slide the seat back all the way and then lean it back too and the woman leans against the dash.”

“And?”

I couldn’t help myself. I smiled. “It can be done.” Roman started chuckling. “But I wouldn’t have known it if I hadn’t tried it. And I’d often wondered if a guy could fuck me while holding me—without a wall to support me. You know, stuff like that.” Damn, that alcohol wasn’t working. I poured another shot.

But Roman touched my hand before I could drink more of the liquor. That forced me to look at him. “So your pretend boyfriend is gone.” He cleared his throat. “What if you had a substitute? You know, like a stand in?”

I blinked several times. Okay, maybe I had had enough liquor, more than enough, in fact, because I was being pretty thick. “You mean a substitute Ridley?”

“Yeah…a substitute boyfriend.”

“I guess that could work…but I don’t know if I’d be able to find another guy willing to do it.”

He laughed then, long and hard. “I could find plenty of guys willing to help you out.”

“Really? Name one.”

He moved his hand so that he could take mine in his. I swallowed as the implications washed over me, but he didn’t say anything until my eyes locked with his. “Me.”

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Deleted Scene from FULLY AUTOMATIC

In case you missed this deleted scene from Fully Automatic during the 2014 blog tour, I’m preserving it here. 

~ ~ ~

But he didn’t exactly inspire confidence.  He’d called and said he couldn’t take Chris for his visitation, and she laid into him about it over the phone.  When they hung up, though, she told Brad that he’d said Chris wouldn’t have wanted to see him the way he’d been.  “No, not drugs,” he’d told her, but they were both still nervous.

But they talked about it.  Both of them thought it was important to both Ethan and Chris to be part of each other’s lives.  Val was convinced Chris didn’t see Ethan as his real father, but Brad wasn’t so sure.  Val had started teaching Chris to call him Daddy Brad, and he thought maybe she was hoping for that, but Brad knew it would fucking kill Ethan.  Ethan deserved the love of his son, and Brad wanted him to have it.  It wasn’t that he himself didn’t love Chris, because he did.  He was a wonderful child full of joy and laughter, and he couldn’t imagine his life without the kid.

But he was not Chris’s dad.

Ethan finally arranged to pick up Chris for visitation and Val acquiesced.  Brad felt some relief, because he’d also been needing to talk to Ethan about Fully Automatic.  Brad, Zane, and Nick had settled on a fistful of songs for their third album, and the label was getting itchy.  They and the band manager were no longer wanting to bank on Ethan’s rehab-and-bad-behavior fueled publicity.  They wanted the band recording and touring again.  It had been too long.

That pissed Brad off.  They were like petulant children who didn’t know what they wanted.  But, he supposed, they knew the business better than he did.  He’d spoken to Ethan a week earlier and told him the band was ready and they needed to know his decision.  Brad had told him to think about it.  He didn’t want his friend’s decision immediately.

So when Ethan and Jenna showed up that afternoon, he couldn’t help the smile that crossed his face when, after Ethan took Chris in his arms, he asked Brad, “Can I talk to you about business sometime?”

He couldn’t read his friend, though, and he was worried that maybe Ethan didn’t want to be part of the band anymore.  He hoped his feelings weren’t showing on his face.  “Have you thought about it?”

“Yeah.  I can’t walk away.  I’m in.”

Brad nodded.  He was grateful and happy to hear it.  His friend—and his band—would be whole again, and that was huge news.  Val walked in then and said, “Ethan.  Glad you could make it.”

“Yeah.”

~ ~ ~

Amazon: http://amzn.to/VCoNMh

Amazon UK: http://amzn.to/1vc3j5D

Barnes & Noble: http://bit.ly/1rRWhQY

Kobo: http://bit.ly/1vc3YUG

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Deleted Scene from FEVERISH

Today, I’m saving more Notes from Facebook page obscurity. Hope you enjoy if you’ve never seen this before!

~ ~ ~

***SPOILER ALERT***

Don’t read this till you’ve read the book!

Once you read this scene, you’ll understand why I deleted it.  In the couple days after their first time, Emily was going to be the first to return a clothing item…but it just didn’t work.  First of all, Emily was being too forward, telling Clay too much of what was on her mind.  It didn’t quite fit her character.  Clay was still classic Clay, but it wasn’t working for me, and by the time I wrote the last line here, I knew it wasn’t working.   I decided then that it would work better if Clay returned her skirt first and invited her to do something as friends only…and then he figures out that maybe she likes him a little more than she first let on.

Anyway, hope you enjoy it.    I don’t save much of what I delete, but I did this one!

Late that afternoon, after Mary left for the day, Emily decided to return Clay’s shirt to him.  Yeah, she could have just thrown it in the dirty clothes.  There was a laundry chute in his bathroom, but she’d never been in there and wasn’t willing to brazenly walk in there.  Besides, it would give her a chance to talk to him about what had been on her mind all week.  She hadn’t been able to the day before, because Brian had been over all day—they’d been writing music together all day in the music room and then played a videogame all night in the living room.  They’d invited Emily, but it felt too testosterone fueled and she had some thinking to do.

The thinking was done now.  All that was left was confrontation and action.

She heard a song coming out of the music room.  It wasn’t until she got close that she realized it was Machine Head.  When she walked in, she saw him on the loveseat, his head resting on the back.  He was looking up at the ceiling, lost in thought.  She almost blushed, remembering he’d had her on those cushions completely naked just days ago.

Almost.

She kept walking toward him until she caught his eye.  He sat up.  “What’s up?”

She felt like a shy little kid, but she forced herself ahead.  She was grinning as she held out her hand with his shirt.  “I figured you’d like this back.”

He leaned forward and returned her smile.  “Sure you don’t want to keep it?”

She shoved her hands in the back pockets of her jeans; otherwise, she knew she’d start fidgeting.  “I thought maybe a trade.”

Clay shook his head.  “F*ck.  That’s right.  I still have your skirt.”

Emily tilted her head.  “Well, yeah…but that’s not what I’m talking about.”

His brow hung low over his eyes.  “Spit it out.”

She closed her eyes and bit her lip, summoning all the courage she had.  She was going into business.  She’d have to get good at giving any kind of news without any emotions involved.  She’d been practicing maintaining a cool exterior over the last couple of years, but she hadn’t quite mastered it.  She drew in a long breath and forced her eyes to look in his.  “I, uh…”  She shook her head to clear it.  “I don’t know how you feel about it all, but I can’t stop thinking about Sunday.  I’m…not saying I want anything permanent.  I’m sure you don’t.  I get that.  But I wouldn’t object if, uh, we—”

The words might have escaped her, but Clay was already standing.  He was acting as cool as she’d been trying but failing to be.  He was in front of her and he was taking her breath away.  “No, that’s cool.”  He cleared his throat.  “I’m sure you still want to see if you can work it out with your fiancé.  I don’t want to get in the way of that, but I have to agree with you.  I wouldn’t mind seeing how this all plays out.”

Okay, not quite what she was going to say but he got the gist.  It was refreshing being able to just lay it all on the table.  “Should we set some ground rules?”

He started laughing.  “Like what?”

~ ~ ~

What?!?!  You just finished reading this deleted scene and you’re telling me you’ve never read Clay’s story???  OMG, then you have to get it NOW! 

Amazon: http://amzn.to/1mp0KeK

Amazon UK: http://amzn.to/1m162dw

Barnes & Noble: http://bit.ly/1BPtWPo

Kobo: http://bit.ly/1vOBuSz

iTunes: http://bit.ly/1xnvX4I

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ROCK BOTTOM Blog Tour Extras

Old habits die hard.

In spite of the fact that I know Facebook is no longer a great way to get my message out there, it historically was the best way for me at one time.  It’s how Bullet got known and seen.  But those days are past, and I think that if I even paid to boost my posts to make them more visible, it wouldn’t work any better.  At any rate, I’m not going to sink my money into that venture.  It just feels like a losing proposition.  If I have to spend more money on my business (for advertising), I can think of better ways to do it, ones that will likely have a better return.

Ah…but I didn’t begin this post with the intention of bitching about Facebook.  I should be over that by now.    No…instead, I wanted you to know I plan to move all the “freebies” and “extras” that I used to store over there to here.  This is where they belong and this is where they’ll always be available.  I have no idea what Facebook plans to do with everyone’s “stuff” over time, but I do know that they don’t keep it forever…so I’m taking fate into my own hands.

On that note, today I’m going to share Rock Bottom Blog Tour Extras.  Enjoy. 

~ ~ ~

Alt POV scene—first appeared on Becca the Bibliophile, http://beccathebibliophile.blogspot.c..., Sept. 10, 2013

Val had been pacing back and forth for the better part of an hour.  She knew Ethan cared about his son and his intentions were good…but Val hadn’t trusted her ex in a long time.  Yes, he wasn’t due back with Chris for another fifteen minutes, but she still couldn’t make the knot in her belly relax.

She’d gone to the medicine cabinet in the master bathroom and found a bottle of Maalox.  She shook it and held it up to her lips and then sucked down what she figured was the approximation of two tablespoons’worth, give or take, what she thought she remembered was the recommended dosage.  She hoped it would neutralize the acid building in her gut.  She just wanted to hold her baby in her arms and know he was okay.

She ran water in the sink and cupped her hand.  She held it under the water and brought several handfuls to her lips to wash the chalky taste out of her mouth.  Brad tapped on the half-open door and walked in.  He wrapped his arms around her waist and she turned around to look him in the eyes.  “It’ll be okay, Val.  Ethan’s his dad.  He wouldn’t do anything stupid with his son.”

“You don’t know that.”

“Yeah, I do.  Stop stressing.  He still has a few minutes.”  She looked at him and felt her brow furrowing against her will.  He smiled and kissed her forehead.  “Why don’t you go make yourself a cup of hot tea?  He’ll be home before you know it.” She sucked in a deep breath.  “You’ll be holding him in your arms soon.”

She rested her head against his chest.  How was it Brad always knew the right thing to say?  “Okay.  I’ll go to the kitchen.  Would you keep an eye out for them?”

She could hear the smile in his voice.  “It won’t make them get here faster.”

She let out a slight laugh.  “Yeah…but it’ll make me feel better.”

He gave her a playful swat on the bottom.  “Go make that tea.  I’ll let you know when they get here.”

She kissed him and then walked out of the bathroom.  He followed her but stayed in the living room while she continued walking to the kitchen.  He was right.  Worrying about it wouldn’t change anything.  She knew Ethan loved his son and she had to believe Chris was in good hands.  Ethan had even called the night before so Chris and Val could talk to one another.  She hadn’t asked him to do that but had felt her heart warm a little toward her ex for doing something so cool after having been such an asshole the past couple of years.  Maybe he really was getting his act together.

The water in the kettle was simmering when she heard Brad’s voice from the other room.  “I think they’re here.”

Val stuck her head into the doorway.  “What do you mean you think they’re here?”

“A car just pulled up in front of the house.  But it’s getting dark out there.  I can’t tell for sure.  I’ll check.”

She returned to the stove and heard the front door open and close, and she took a deep breath.  She was eager to see her son but also knew she needed to keep her emotions in check.  If Ethan were truly on the road to recovery—something she’d always wished for—then it wouldn’t do him any good to see the worry etched in her face.  She turned off the heat under the kettle and walked to the sink, pouring a cool glass of water instead and drinking it down until she felt her breathing get under control.

She hadn’t heard Brad come back in the house, a sure sign that Ethan and Chris were definitely outside.  She smiled, happy to be reunited with her son.  They’d never been apart before, so she was ecstatic.  Again, though, she didn’t want all those emotions on her face.  She wanted to give Ethan the benefit of the doubt.  She just hoped Chris hadn’t hated his time with Ethan.  She was sure she’d be able to tell based on how he would be acting…and if he didn’t like spending time with his dad, she was going to have to—

She stopped that line of thought.  She didn’t want to dwell on the negative or assume that things hadn’t gone well.  Granted, Ethan had had moments where he was horrible, but overall he’d been a good father, and she had to hope that he would be ideal when he was off everything.

One last deep breath and she headed toward the front of the house.  By the time she opened the door, Brad and Ethan were standing just below the porch steps…and a striking redhead stood next to Ethan as well.  However, the object of her attention—her only child—was in Ethan’s arms, the boy she’d missed so much.  He spotted her too.  “Mama!”

The relief she felt at seeing her child smiling and in one piece was palpable.  “My baby!  How are you, baby boy?”  He put his arms out for her and she took him, holding him up to her body.  She closed her eyes, a silent prayer lingering in her mind, grateful that her child was okay.  Aside from the tenderness she felt for her child, the remainder of her wanted to go off on Ethan.  He’d barely been out of rehab and here he was, already back up to his old ways.  That he had the audacity to bring one of his groupie skanks to her house and have her son around this woman shouldn’t have surprised her…but it did.  What the hell was he thinking?  Scratch that.  He never thought.  It really shouldn’t have shocked her at all.  Still…she had to hold it together.  It wasn’t the girl’s fault Ethan couldn’t do anything appropriate.  God, what an ass.  Val breathed in the smell of her son, allowing herself to revel in the fact that he was home, intact and happy.  And she had to hold it together.  She and Ethan could talk about this in private.  Make no mistake—if he couldn’t keep his dick in his pants for a simple weekend visit, there was no way she was going to agree to regular visitations.  Now wasn’t the time to tell him that, though, even as pissed as she felt.  So she looked at her son, tousling his hair and kissing him on the cheek.  She asked, “Did you have fun with Daddy Ethan?”

Chris continued to grin.  “Yes.”

Ethan’s voice was low when he said, “Uh, I was wanting to ask about that…to see when I can have him again.  Could we maybe work something out before all the legal paperwork gets done?”

He just had to go there right now.  Well, if he insisted.  He needed to know the misgivings she had.  She doubted she’d ever trust him enough to take her son again.  As angry and irritated and infuriated as Val had ever gotten with Ethan, she’d tried to be as honest with him as possible since they’d split.  No more pussyfooting around the issues.  She’d partially blamed herself for how bad Ethan had become, because she’d kept her mouth shut a lot, feeling afraid of hurting his feelings or making him feel worse.  In hindsight, she knew that had probably been the worst tactic ever.  She had decided that all interactions from that point forward would be as honest and straightforward as possible, even if painful.  So…if he wanted to discuss future visitations now, she had to tell him why she thought that was a bad idea…but she didn’t want to say it in front of the strange girl Ethan had brought along.  Why she worried, she didn’t know; she’d likely never see the woman again and the gal was likely high as a kite.  She’d give Ethan credit for one thing—he usually found gorgeous girls to drape on his arm, and this young lady was no exception.  Still…she didn’t want her son around any of it.  She took a deep breath and looked at her ex.  “Uh, yeah.  Can I talk to you about that in private?”

Ethan’s voice was quiet and respectful, even though Val could tell from the look on his face that he thought her request was odd.  “Yeah, sure.”

She gave Brad a look, hoping that—as always—he’d understand what was on her mind.  She handed Chris to him and looked at the redhead next to Ethan.  “Please excuse us for a moment.”  Then, not wanting to waste any time, she pulled Ethan by his upper arm to lead him to the side of the house.  She didn’t want it to last long, but she needed to speak her mind.  She was surprised at the definition of his bicep she could feel in her hand.  The last time she’d touched him, he hadn’t been in good shape.  She was surprised.

But she couldn’t allow herself to be distracted.  Once they were out of earshot, she got straight to the point.  “Ethan, seriously.  Please tell me why.”

“Why what?”

She couldn’t help the angry look she knew had crossed her face.  She was ready to tear him apart.  “I can’t believe you had the gall to bring one of your heroin whores to my house…and you had her around my son.  You asshole.  You haven’t changed a bit.”

Ethan’s jaw slackened, but his eyes looked sharper.  “Whoa, Val.  You got it all wrong.”

She felt her eyebrows jump straight up.  “Do I?”

“Yeah, Miss Perfect.  If you’d given me one fucking second to introduce you to her, you’d know that Jenna is my goddamned drug and alcohol counselor.  She’s not a fucking junkie.  Does she even look like a junkie to you?”

Ethan’s words felt like a punch in the gut.  It was true.  She’d been assuming the worst.  She let out a slow breath and tried to allow the muscles in her shoulders to relax.  And then she went from anger to understanding to feeling guilty.  Ethan might have had it coming; after all, he’d set the precedent years ago and had rarely disappointed, but maybe he really was changing…and she’d jumped to conclusions.  She felt like a real shit.  “Oh.  Oh, God, Ethan.  I’m really sorry.”

Typical Ethan, though.  He couldn’t just accept her apology.  He had to rub it in that she was wrong.  She knew, in this instance, she probably had it coming.  “Well, it’s a little late.  I get it, Val.  I get it.  It’s not going to be easy to trust me.  I understand that.  But when I’m standing right in front of you and you can see the changes I’ve made, why can’t you accept them?  Can you just once give me the benefit of the doubt?”  His eyes glinted with an intensity she hadn’t seen in years.  That look had, in days gone by, turned her on, and later in their relationship it had even scared her once or twice.  She knew whatever came out of his mouth at this point was going to be passionate and emotional.  “Or do I just need to expect this kind of reaction from now on?  Do I need to give you a full report every fucking time I see you?”  It was growing dark outside, but it didn’t stop her from being able to see his eyes darken with anger.  That the two of them were close to screaming at each other just like they used to confirmed to Val that it was for the best that they weren’t together anymore.

Still…she knew that this one time she’d been in the wrong.  “Ethan…I said I was sorry, okay?”  She searched his eyes.  “Can you understand why I’d think that?”  He shrugged.  “I need to know my son is safe with you, okay?”

His voice was low.  “If you need to know, Val, Jenna is my girlfriend.  She’s not a heroin whore.  She’s a good person.”

Val nodded.  “Okay…sorry.  Just…try to understand where I’m coming from.”  One last thing and she’d drop it.  “You haven’t made it easy to trust you over the years.”

“Yeah…I get that.”  He scowled.  “We done here?”

She shook her head, angry that somehow, once again, Ethan had gotten under her skin.  “Yeah.”

When they got back to the front of the house, Ethan kissed Chris on the forehead.  “I’ll see you soon, bud, okay?”  He looked at Brad.  “See ya.”  Val expected him to completely ignore her at that point but he told her goodbye before walking toward his car.  She noted that the redhead was already in the car waiting for him.

“Bye,” she said and turned so she could see them drive off.  It wasn’t long before his car was blazing down the street and she was left standing in the yard with Chris and Brad.  “Mama,” Chris said and reached out to her.  She took him in her arms and Brad put his arm around her waist.  They started walking to the front door.  “I think I might have been a little hard on him.”

Brad didn’t say anything, confirming that Val was right.  He picked up the car seat off the front porch and then opened the door for Val and Chris.  Once they got inside, he said, “You did what you thought was best, right?”

“Well, yeah.”  She sat on the couch, holding Chris in another hug.  “I just think maybe I was a little hard on him…I assumed the worst.”

“And why’d you do that?”  He sat next to her.

She touched Chris’s cheek with her finger.  “I guess I was worried about Chris.”

“Then don’t let it bother you.  Your concerns were coming from the right place.”  She shook her head, ready to protest, but he pressed his finger against her lips.  “Your instincts are usually right, Val.  Don’t feel bad.  Ethan’s Chris’s dad, and a little time will help him realize you were right in your concern.  He loves him too, Val.”

She nodded.  That was the one thing she didn’t doubt.  “Yeah, he does.”

“So let it go.”  He kissed her forehead.  “Just let it go.  It’ll be all right.”

She trusted Brad more than she trusted anyone else on the planet.  “Okay.”  She leaned into his chest.  Chris turned his head and touched Val’s cheek with his hand.  He was the reason why she could take Brad’s advice, to just let go, and as he wiggled off her lap to get down, she smiled, feeling the worry start to slip away.

~ ~ ~

Alt POV scene, first appeared on The Book  Bella, http://www.thebookbella.com/2013/09/1..., Sept. 14, 2013

Brad had tried cheering up Val again earlier that afternoon, but there wasn’t much he could do about her mood.  She felt dejected whenever Chris would spend the weekend with Ethan.  By the same token, she would get angry when Ethan didn’t get Chris.  He understood.  They’d talked about it.  Val didn’t much care if Ethan was going to have visitation or not, but she wanted consistency in Chris’s life.  If Ethan was going to take Chris every other weekend, then she wanted him to do it faithfully.  Otherwise, she felt like Ethan was jerking on his son’s heartstrings.

Based on what Ethan had hinted at the last time, though, he was having a pretty bad time.  He’d explained that he didn’t think it would be good to have Chris around him.  Val had agreed but ragged him out and then ranted about it after they hung up.  She didn’t want her son to be heartbroken.  But she and Brad made sure Chris never noticed.  They baked cookies, watched movies, and read lots of books to him.  He didn’t remember that his real daddy wasn’t there as planned.  Truthfully, it bothered Val more than her son, so Brad tried to keep her mind off it too.

This afternoon, though…this was going to be the first time in over a month Ethan was going to see his son.  Val had already made a comment that morning in bed, though, saying she wondered what excuse Ethan was going to conjure up this time.

Brad didn’t say a word.  He knew Val had a lot of anger to work out when it came to her ex.  She’d stood by his side faithfully until the time he’d hurt her and scared her out of her mind.  She believed to this day that Ethan had almost killed her.  It might have been true, but Brad had known Ethan a lot longer than Val had and couldn’t imagine his friend trying to kill the woman he loved.  Ethan was good inside, but he didn’t know how to act like it.  Brad kept wishing, hoping…but it had finally been time to just walk away, let his brother sink or swim.

He’d sunk at first, but Brad thought maybe now Ethan was floating and finding his way to the surface.  Or at least he hoped.  He and Val were expecting Ethan around five o’clock, and his arrival would be a good sign.  Val had said, “I’m not even going to pack Chris’s stuff until I know he’s coming for sure.”

Brad had been sitting on the couch next to her.  He squeezed her knee.  “He’ll be here, Val.  He promised.  You’ll feel like an ass when he gets here and you’re not ready.  Then who’ll be the bad guy?”  Considering it was ten minutes to five, he hoped she’d decide to do it.

She sighed and gave him a dirty look which quickly melted into a smile.  “I hate when you’re right.”  She kissed him and then got up, walking out of the living room.

When the doorbell rang a few minutes later, Brad said, “Come here, kiddo,” and scooped Chris up off the floor where he was playing with plastic blocks.  “I think that’s your dad.”

“Daddy?”

Brad nodded.  “Uh-huh.”  He walked to the door, Chris in his arms.  When he opened it, Ethan and Jenna both stood outside.

Chris leaned forward.  “Daddy!”

Ethan looked a little worn down, not as good as he had last time.  He looked a lot like he had during certain periods in high school when he’d disappear for days at a time.  Brad wasn’t sure what to make of it, but Ethan started smiling when Chris reached for his father.  Ethan took him in his arms as his child held him close around the neck.

“Chris, my buddy.”

Brad stood back.  “Come on in.”  The cold air from outside was rushing in, and he wanted them to come inside where it was warm.  He shut the door and turned around to see Ethan and Jenna standing side by side.

Ethan kissed Chris on the cheek and looked at Brad.  “Can I talk to you about business sometime?”

Brad was silent for a moment.  This had been a moment for which he’d been waiting for quite some time.  The fate of Fully Automatic rested in Ethan’s hands, and it could go one of three ways:  the band could stay together and continue making music; Ethan could leave and they could make do without him (or hire another second guitarist if they felt they needed to); or (the option Brad dreaded but also expected the most) they could disband.  It told him, though, that Ethan had been able to find some clarity and knew now what he wanted.  As much as Brad selfishly wanted Ethan to stay (clean and sober, of course), he would support his friend if he walked away.  He didn’t want to give his thoughts away or put any undue pressure on Ethan, so he didn’t plan to give away what he was thinking.   “Have you thought about it?”

“Yeah.  I can’t walk away.  I’m in.”

Brad nodded.  He was grateful and happy to hear it.  His friend—and his band—would be whole again, and that was huge news.  Before he could say anything, though, Valerie walked in.  Either she was done packing or had heard them talking.  She said, “Ethan.  Glad you could make it.”

“Yeah.”

Brad loved his wife, but her timing at this particular moment had been shitty.  He needed to know for sure what Ethan had in mind.  He wanted to clarify a few things.  He needed to talk to his brother, man to man…and he needed his girlfriend to stop coiling up like a rattlesnake every damn time she got near her ex.  So he said, “Hey, Jenna, would you mind helping Val get some drinks for all of us?  Ethan has some business matters to discuss with me.”

Ethan looked surprised.  “Now?”

“What better time than the present?”  They hadn’t done anything as a band in over a year.  He didn’t want to wait, so he motioned Ethan into the living room.  He could tell Val wasn’t too happy about what he’d done, but he’d explain it later.  She’d understand then.

Val smiled at Jenna and said, “Come with me to the kitchen.”  Oh, yeah.  He saw the look.  She wasn’t happy with him at all.  She’d understand, though.

The women left and Brad and Ethan went into the living room.  Both sat on the couch and Chris said, “Daddy, frain?”

Ethan furrowed his brows.  “What?”

“Frain.”

Brad smiled.  “He’s talking about his train.”

“Oh, you have a train?”

“Choo-choo frain, daddy.  See it?”

Ethan looked over at Brad but then said to his son, “Do you want to show it to me?”

Brad said, “Why don’t you bring it here so daddy can see it?”  He just couldn’t bring himself to call Ethan Daddy Ethan, even though that’s what Val had taught the child.  He had to admit he didn’t mind being called Daddy Brad, but Ethan was the kid’s real dad and deserved the original title.  Chris nodded and toddled off in the direction of his bedroom.

“So what’s your decision?”

Ethan nodded.  “I’m all in, man.  I can’t…I can’t not do it.  It’s just been hard…and I needed time.”

“I get that.  I know you’ve had it rough.”

“Yeah, but no excuse.  You guys have been carrying the load without me.”

“Not really.  We’ve been thinking of it as an extended vacation.  It’s all good.  I’ve been writing some.  You?”

“I just started.”  Ethan ran his hand through his hair.  “It feels pretty good.”

“Yeah…it does.  So…are you ready now?”

“Yeah, I think so.”

“So…why don’t we plan on getting together after Christmas?  I’ll call up Nick and Zane, and we can start writing together, sharing what we’ve got, practicing…maybe record in the spring.  Dean’ll be glad to hear that.”  No way was Brad going to tell Ethan that their manager Dean had initially tried to talk the other band members into dropping Ethan like a fashion designer drops last season’s creations.  His friend didn’t need to hear that.

“Yeah.  Dean’s been chewing my ass a little too, but I haven’t heard too much from him in a while.”

“Well, there’s no pressure.  We have a little bit of time.  There’s no hurry.  But…January sound good?”

“Sounds great.”

Chris came out of his room, a chunky-looking plastic train engine in his hands.  It was mostly red, but it was trimmed in white and yellow.  The smokestack was red and the wheels blue.  Chris was grinning from ear to ear walking toward his dad.  “Frain, daddy.”

“Very cool, buddy.”  Chris stopped at the coffee table and started pushing the train around on its wheels, showing off his toy.

Brad said, “He’s a good kid.”

Ethan nodded.  “I miss him.”  Ethan tousled his hair and the men sat in silence watching Chris push the train around.  The only sound in the living room was the noise of the plastic train’s wheels gliding across the wood of the coffee table.

That is, until they heard Valerie’s voice coming from the kitchen.  “Look…I know you’re feeling some sympathy for Ethan.  I get it.  I’ve been there.  But I wouldn’t feel right if I didn’t warn you.  He’s poison.  He’s charming and irresistible.  He makes you feel like you’re the only woman on the planet…until he makes you feel like shit because he’s off screwing someone else.  Or he’ll tell you he’s clean but the next thing you know, he’s high as a kite.  Ethan is good looking and he’s charming and he knows it.  It took me years to realize that Ethan’s only concern is himself.”

Oh, shit.  Brad couldn’t believe Val had actually said that.  Okay, that wasn’t true.  He could believe it.  He knew how badly she’d been hurt.  Her timing again sucked, though.  He wanted to disappear but that wasn’t an option.  He and Ethan looked at each other at the same time.  He could hear Jenna saying something back to Val, but he couldn’t tell what she was saying.  What the hell could he say?  Not much.  “Sorry, man.”

“No.  It’s fine.”

Chris walked over to the other side of the coffee table and got up on Brad’s lap.  He grabbed the plastic blocks on the table and started pushing them together.  He looked at Ethan again and said, “Blocks, daddy.”

Brad was grateful for the distraction because he hadn’t felt this awkward in a long time.  Ethan smiled again at his son and said, “We have some like that at my house too, remember?”

Chris held a yellow block out to Ethan.  His father opened his hand and let Chris place the block on his palm.  A few seconds later, Val and Jenna came in the room with lemonade and glasses.  Val started pouring lemonade in a cup for Chris and Brad was trying to think of a way to break the ice.  Before he could, though, Ethan leaned forward.  “Val, I overheard part of your conversation in the kitchen with Jenna…purely by accident.”  Brad nodded at Val to confirm, in case she had any doubts.  Ethan continued.  “I know you’re probably never gonna trust me, but I’d appreciate it if, from now on, you could keep that to yourself.  I am better and I have changed.  I know it’s not easy for you to understand that, but it’s true.  You’re still clinging to your old beliefs about me, and if that works for you, great.  But my son is getting old enough that he’ll start listening to you and believing every word you say.  I start using again…you take him away from me.  Get full custody.  Get a restraining order.  Move and don’t give me your forwarding address.  I don’t give a rat’s ass.  But for now—when I’ve actually made those changes—give me a chance, would you?”

Val didn’t miss a beat.  “Why now, Ethan?”

Ethan was looking at his son but made eye contact with his ex before speaking again.  “I guess it’s because I finally hit rock bottom.  There was no hope, no future, and I was being swallowed by my addictions…and more.  I have a lot of mental shit going on that fueled a lot of it, and I’m just now becoming aware of it.”

“Depression?”

He closed his eyes for a moment in confirmation before continuing.  “Jenna’s helped me see how it feeds into the destructive behavior I tend to lean toward, and I’m learning new ways of coping with it.”  Ethan made a gesture with his index finger and thumb to indicate a tiny space.  “I’m this close to happiness, Val, something I’ve never been…ever.  And, whether she wants to admit it or not, Jenna is a big part of it.  I’m not a slave to the shit I took anymore.  I’m free, and now I just want to try to live a normal life.”  He smiled at Jenna.  “I know that doesn’t mean I’m on easy street now, but it does mean that I want to live, and I want to live a good life.”

Val’s eyes filled with tears as she said, “Sorry.”

Ethan stood and stepped close to Val…and then he said something Brad had thought he would never hear from his best friend.  “You don’t need to be sorry, Val.  I’m sorry…I’m sorry for the hell I put you through.  I know I don’t even know half of what you went through, but I know you did it because you believed in me, and I let you down.  I don’t do all the twelve step stuff, but I do think it’s a good thing to apologize for what I did when I was consumed by all that shit.”  He looked over at Brad for a moment.  “That goes for you too, Brad.  I don’t expect you guys to forgive me or trust me, but I hope I can prove myself over time.  I just ask that you let me see my son.  He’s the world to me.”

Val started crying in earnest as she closed the gap between herself and Ethan.  She hugged him and said, “I’m sorry.  I didn’t realize how hard it had been for you.  I was just feeling my own pain.”

And now, finally, Brad thought, Val could begin healing as well, something she’d needed to do for a long time.  He let out a slow breath and hugged the child in his arms.  It might not have started out that way, but today was winding up to be the best day he’d had in a long time.

~ ~ ~

Letting the World In

Rock Bottom after story written exclusively for Shh Mom’s Reading

Appeared on Shh Mom’s Reading Sept. 14, 2013

http://shhmomsreading.com/blog-tour-g...

“Push, babe.  You can do it.”  Jenna grunted and bore down, her face turning as red as a strawberry.  Ethan wanted to be the supportive boyfriend, the man who could handle just about anything, but seeing his girl in pain was killing him.  After all he’d been through in his life, he never would have thought watching the mother of his next child give birth would be the thing that would do him in for good.

A few years earlier, he’d been in the hospital room with Valerie when Chris was born, but he could barely remember it.  He’d been chemically numb, and that had been his strategy going in; at the time, he’d known being under the influence would be the best way to handle it.  He would have preferred alcohol that day, but Val would have been able to smell it on him and would have been pissed.

Now, though, he was as sober as could be…and he felt helpless.

The day before had started out perfectly.  They’d gone to the hospital just like the doctor had ordered.  Jenna was excited though nervous, and on the ride there, she’d rubbed her swollen belly and talked to it.  “Sweet little baby,” she’d said, “I can’t wait to see your darling little face.  I can’t wait to kiss you on that smooth forehead of yours and let you know happy your mother is to hold you in her arms.”

Ethan had smiled.  Before they’d known what sex their child was, they’d chosen both boy and girl names.  They’d settled on Bradley Allen for a boy.  Deciding to name a second son after his best friend had been a cinch, but he and Jenna had struggled with the middle name until she told Ethan they should give their child his middle name. Ethan had never much cared for his middle name, but—if a boy—Jenna wanted her firstborn to have part of Ethan’s name…and so he relented.  He’d do anything for that woman, and so he couldn’t deny her sweet request.  They’d struggled trying to choose a girl’s name, though, and Jenna at first figured that meant she was having a boy.

When the doctor had informed them earlier that week during her regular OB/GYN appointment that he wanted to induce her labor, she asked, “Why?  Is something wrong?”

“No…but you’re a week overdue, and I don’t want you to go much longer.”

So they’d packed her bag Wednesday night and made sure the baby’s room was ready to go.  Ethan had also called Val to let her know, because even though he wanted Chris to see his baby sibling, Ethan thought he’d rather have him visit the next weekend.  Val was okay with it but did ask if she, Brad, and the kids could come by the hospital after the baby was born to make an introduction.  That was huge.  Val was mellowing out, and Ethan figured it was because he’d been clean well over two years now.  She was starting to believe he’d changed.

When they’d arrived early Thursday morning, the nurse had gone over pages and pages of information with Jenna and had done lots of things with her to prep her.  One of the things she’d done was to wrap some Velcro belts around Jenna’s belly to monitor the baby’s heartbeat.  So Ethan had enjoyed hearing the steady beep-beep noise coming out of the machine.  That sound represented his child preparing to exit Jenna’s womb that had been its home for the past nine months.  The nurse had also inserted an IV in Jenna’s arm.  She’d explained to them both that the IV had something called Pitocin in it, something that would induce labor and, therefore, bring their child into the world.

She’d smiled all morning and even half the afternoon.  Her friend Sophie showed up late in the afternoon and chatted with Jenna, trying to keep her mind off the growing discomfort she felt.  By that night, though, Jenna said she was hurting.  Ethan asked, “Don’t you want some of that pain medicine they said they could give you?”

He could tell she was feeling weak.  “No…bad for the baby.”

He scooped a couple of ice chips into a spoon from the large cup the nurse had filled for her and held it to her lips.  She pulled the chips into her mouth and sucked on them.  He took the damp washcloth off her head and dipped it in the tub of water next to the bed.  After wringing it out, he laid it on her forehead again to help cool her off.  “What about one of those epidural things?”  She’d already told him no twice…once nicely and the second time with a snap (“Absolutely not!”).  Midnight came and went and still no baby.

So he just tried to be the good boyfriend, tending to her every need and trying not to let the worry show on his face.  Jenna was one of the strongest women he’d ever known…and she looked like she was going to break.  She was his bedrock.  He couldn’t imagine her cracking or how he could handle it if she did.

He’d had no idea, though, because around two that next morning, the doctor came in and, unsatisfied with Jenna’s results, broke her water with a long hook.  Jenna, the fiery redhead who’d been fighting the contractions before, was now too tired to struggle.  Ethan could see the pain etched in her face, and the nurse kept pushing the button on the IV to drive more of the medicine into Jenna’s veins to keep her contractions just a minute apart.

About half an hour after the doctor had sped up the proceedings, Jenna finally relented to letting the nurse put some pain medication in her IV.  The only difference Ethan noticed afterward was that she started sleeping between contractions.  Again, what worried him wasn’t the pain he could tell she was experiencing but the fact that she looked like she wasn’t fighting anymore.  She was doing the breathing patterns they’d taught her in the childbirth classes they’d attended, but the unnatural panting she was doing didn’t seem to be helping at all.  Ethan resisted the urge to yell at the nurses to do something.

Finally, the nurse who seemed to be in charge checked Jenna again.  She said Jenna was at a ten and fully effaced and was ready to start pushing.  Ethan felt a huge weight lifting, because they’d watched the videos.  If she started pushing, the baby should be with them soon.

Except it wasn’t.  Jenna pushed and pushed and pushed.  One hour passed.  Then another.  The nurses kept checking her, saying they could see the baby’s head.  Ethan looked once and saw it too, but he also saw something else.  She looked mangled inside, and he didn’t think it looked right.  When he saw the two nurses whispering by the door, he knew something had to be wrong.  He didn’t want to leave Jenna, but he needed answers.  She’d just finished another contraction filled with futile pushing, and so he knew he could leave her for a few seconds.  She wouldn’t even notice because she would be sleeping.

Both nurses looked like deer caught in headlights as he approached.  His voice was low.  “What the hell’s going on?  Why isn’t the baby here?”

The nurse in charge examined his eyes and the other nurse looked ready to bolt or at least tell a lie.  The nurse in charge took a deep breath.  “The baby’s stuck.”

“What do you mean stuck?”

“Not moving.”

“So why aren’t you doing something?”

The nurse’s voice got snippy.  “That’s what we’re discussing.”

“Discussion’s over.  Get the goddamned doctor here now.”

She looked a little angry but relieved at the same time.  Both women seemed intimidated by the doctor, but maybe it would be easier for them to ask him to come back if the father of the child demanded it.  Goddammit.  Jenna had begged him not to throw his weight around, use his fame to get favors, but he was about ready to.  This whole thing was bullshit.  She was suffering, and while the baby’s heart monitor tried to assure him that the baby was doing fine, he was no longer convinced.  He had no faith in the idiots here.

He was back at Jenna’s side for her next contraction, and after she pushed again to no avail, he wiped her brow and fed her another ice chip.  Her face was flushed and she looked like she wasn’t fully with him anymore.  Ethan was ready to kill someone.  He heard the nurses whispering again, but this time, when they were done, the mousy quiet one told him the doctor would be there shortly.  Apparently, after breaking Jenna’s water, he’d gone to the doctor’s lounge to sleep and had given the nurses instructions to wake him when Jenna was ready.  What?  Pushing wasn’t ready?

When the doctor arrived five minutes later, it took everything Ethan had to not go off on the guy.  He respected that the guy had plenty of education and experience, but he had two lives at stake here…and Ethan knew he wasn’t even exaggerating in this instance.  The doctor examined Jenna and then started barking instructions at the nurses.  Before Ethan could even register it, there were lots more people in the room.  A long silver table full of instruments that looked like they could have been used during the Spanish Inquisition (except that they were stainless steel) and something that looked reminiscent of a movie theater popcorn machine were wheeled in.

Ethan couldn’t hold it in anymore.  “What’s going on, doc?”  He knew he didn’t sound happy, and he didn’t give a fuck.

The doctor looked pissed but Ethan didn’t care.  When the guy talked, though, he was calm.  “Your child is stuck.  I’m going to use forceps to get the baby out.”

Forceps?  Ethan could barely process the thought as the room started to spin out of control.  Add to that, the feel of the room was like a sidewalk on Denver’s 16th Street, bustling with life and frenetic energy.  Ethan, on the other hand, felt like vomiting.  Two years ago, he would have had a cure for that feeling, but today he had to find a way to cope with it…here, now, and completely alive and aware.

As though he were watching a movie, he saw his hand take Jenna’s in his, and he heard a silent prayer repeating in his head, one asking for both his wife and child to be okay.  That they weren’t really married didn’t matter to Ethan.  Today, she was his wife…and, goddammit, she’d better see this thing through.

Still as though he weren’t a part of the action, he saw two silver instruments in the doctor’s hands.  They looked almost like salad tongs.  The doctor was talking, telling Jenna what to do during the next contraction.  Ethan looked at her and her eyes were open—barely, but they were.  She seemed more alert now than he was.  Her next contraction began and she did as before, bending her knees and holding her legs up to her chest and pushing as hard as she could.  The doctor used the forceps inside Jenna’s birth canal, and Ethan could envision what the man was doing—using them to pull the baby out.  The second time she pushed, she groaned aloud and the doctor pulled again, this time lifting her hips off the bed.  Jesus Christ.  That couldn’t be good.  Jenna’s eyes fluttered closed, but she still held her legs up to her chest.

At last, though, the doctor’s arms started moving and Ethan knew then the baby was coming out.  “You can do it, babe.  You got this.”

Jenna seemed to sense what he was saying, pushing a little harder, a little longer, and then Ethan saw the doctor’s arms moving more.  The man said, “Okay…stop pushing.”  Jenna started doing the breathing again, a kind of panting, one of the techniques they’d learned in one of the classes, designated to stop her from following her natural urge to force the baby out of her womb.  Ethan wanted to go to the end of the bed to watch the baby’s entrance into the world from that vantage point, but Jenna’s fingers touched his, urging him to stay.  He could see enough from where he was, though, and just as the doctor announced that Jenna had given birth to a baby girl, Ethan saw it for himself.  It wasn’t a surprise but a confirmation.

It wasn’t long before the doctor had a pair of scissors in Ethan’s hand so he could cut the cord.  He looked up at Jenna and held back a couple of stupid tears threatening to make their way out of his eyes, but then looked back at the infant.  God…even newborn, the baby looked just like Jenna.  Red hair, not long, but in tiny corkscrew curls all over her head, deep blue eyes, and heart-shaped lips.  Once the cord was cut, the doctor rested the baby on Jenna’s belly just below her breasts for a few moments until the nurses whisked the infant over to the weird popcorn machine, where they could clean her up, check her vitals, and get her ready for the world.

Ethan hadn’t remembered much from Chris’s birth.  He’d been surrounded by a soft, echoey cocoon that protected him from the harshness of it all.  Yeah, when the shit hit the fan with Val, he’d excused himself long enough to take the pressure off.  Unfortunately, his memories of that evening were hazy.  He remembered feeling awe at seeing his son, but it hadn’t been as clear as this child’s.

While the nurses tended to the baby and the doctor coaxed Jenna’s placenta out, Ethan held her hand and brushed her hair back with his other hand.  He could see tiny capillaries broken in the skin under her eyes, and he figured it was because she’d been pushing so hard.  They looked like tiny red freckles.  He noticed she was looking over at the baby, a small tear forming in the corner of her eye.  “She’s beautiful, isn’t she?”

Jenna just nodded, her eyes still on the infant.  Ethan felt relief that Jenna wasn’t dozing off like she had been with the medicine coursing through her veins.  He knew that they had more painkiller going through her IV but the other bag was almost empty, the bag that had been causing her to contract.

The doctor started sewing Jenna up, explaining to her that she’d ripped inside because the baby had gotten stuck.  Jenna just smiled and Ethan kissed her on the forehead and squeezed her hand.  Then he stood.  He had to go see the little one.  And, just like Jenna, he felt his eyes flood with liquid, thinking about this beautiful life in front of him.  He couldn’t wait to see what Chris thought.  Yeah, Chris already had another sister named Hayley Marie, but that was Val and Brad’s child.  And Hayley was over a year old now.  Chris was finally at an age where he’d really be able to understand…at least that was what Ethan thought.

The nurses wrapped the baby in a receiving blanket, seeming to be done fussing with her for a little bit.  The head nurse looked at Ethan.  “Do you want to hold her?”

He smiled.  “Hell, yeah.”  The nurse handed Ethan his newborn daughter and he cradled her in his arms. It turned out they’d chosen the perfect name.  He and Jenna had settled on Scarlet Rae, and her hair certainly fit the moniker.  Ethan started walking over to the bed so her mama could hold her as well, but before that, he stopped, trying to make that goddamned tear back off.  He whispered to his daughter, “I’m gonna do you proud, kid.  I love you.”  He took another few steps toward the bed and saw Jenna’s tired smile.  She’d overheard…and that was okay.  Ethan smiled back.  He knew he had to call his mom, Jenna’s best friend and her sister, and Chris…but he wanted to savor just a few moments alone before letting the world in.

~ ~ ~

ROCK BOTTOM

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The post ROCK BOTTOM Blog Tour Extras appeared first on Jade C. Jamison.

Loose Ends

All in all, I’ve been quite happy with the reception my latest release, Savage, has received.  While people aren’t beating a path to the bookseller to buy it, those who have read it have, for the most part, loved the story.  It’s epic in scope and readers are realizing (just as I’ve been saying all along) that it’s way more than just a zombie apocalypse novel.  It’s instead a story about second chances, about finding one’s inner strength, about surviving when there’s nothing left to live for.  And, thanks to the Savage blog tour hosted by The Rock Stars of Romance, I had people reviewing my book who’d never read my work before, so that was an added plus.

I’ve had several readers message me, though, asking if there’s a book two in the works…or even on the horizon.  I’ll tell you what I told them–that there’s definitely room for another story, and there were loose ends, and a sequel is a possibility.  Before I talk about the possibility, though, let me talk about why I chose to release a book that had a few loose ends.

First off, loose ends are a part of life.  While it would be nice to have all my questions about life answered on a daily basis, it’s just not going to happen.  For example, I will never understand why one of my coworkers despises me (mainly because, when I’ve had frank discussions with her about it, she claims to have no idea why I think that in the first place).  There are a lot of things about this life that I will never understand or ever be privy to know, and I just have to accept it.  Part of life is not having everything wrapped up in a nice, neat little package, complete with a red ribbon.

That said, I also realize that fiction is not usually that way.  I’m just explaining why I myself am okay with leaving a few questions unanswered.

Second of all, those loose ends–while not unimportant–were not the main point of the story.  [Right now I’m sounding the alarm–SPOILER ALERTS!]  Yes, those of you who have read the book are likely wondering what happened to Larry.  Where is he?  Why did he kill Vera?  I considered finding a way to answer that question in the book, but the solution would have been farfetched and hard to swallow, and you know how I like my realism.  I felt that it was far more realistic for us to not know what happened to Larry than to have some deus ex machina-type moment where his fate was revealed.  You’re also probably wondering about the fate of their kids and Nina’s parents.  While those questions are good questions, important questions, and I understand why readers are uneasy not knowing, they weren’t part of the story.  Nina’s growth–her rebirth, if you will; her renewed relationship with Kevin; her newfound strength and ability to survive:  those were the elements of this story, and all those pieces were brought to a close at the end of the book.  She and Kevin are together at the end and she has found wells of strength within her soul.  She has found the will to live again.  While the fate of her kids (and Kevin’s daughter too) would be nice to know, readers do know that she and Kevin are on their way to find them.  Readers also wanted to know what happened later on as to the rebuilding of her community and the world in general.  I’m sure you could tell that mine was pretty different from the usual zombie story–while things had fallen to shit, the world wasn’t destined to stay that way.  Yes, the population is a lot smaller and there are still some issues, but humankind was cooperating so that life as we know it could be resumed.  No, it wasn’t an easy task and, like Rome, their cities weren’t going to be rebuilt in a day, but I’m sure you could gather from the state of post-apocalyptic Winchester that they were on the right track.

This book was written from my heart and soul.  This was one of those stories that came from deep within and had to be told, no matter the cost, and when I first started writing it, I didn’t plan on a sequel.  This was meant to be a standalone, but I did have several readers ask, beg, and even threaten that I need to write another book.  The possibility is there, and I have many ideas of the whats, hows, and whys that would happen in a second book.  So the question remains–will I write a sequel?  Do I need to tie up those loose ends?  Are readers okay not knowing all the answers?

I don’t know.  Maybe you should tell me what you think.

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SAVAGE is LIVE!!!

Don’t let the idea of zombies scare you off from my latest book.  I think that’s why people are hesitant to buy–they’re expecting The Walking Dead.  Yes, you get a little of that kind of thing, but it’s so much more than that–it’s a story about survival, second chances, and learning to love again.  It’s about relationships and discovering oneself.  Zombies are the background; they are not the point.

Some things you might not know about the book:

It’s my third longest (only Bullet and Fully Automatic are bigger).
The hero and heroine are older than the ones in most of my other books (about my age!).
Most of the action takes place a few miles from the fictional town of Chipeta Springs (first mentioned in my book Worst Mother)

I can’t wait for you to follow Nina and Kevin on their journey:

They were all dead. My friends’ weapons—and their response—had saved us.

Everything became more vivid then. The blood seemed even redder on the pristine snow; the skies were a brilliant blue, the evergreens, the richest shade of olive I’d ever seen.

And then time sped up again, and Kevin gripped my shoulders, forcing me to look at him. I could sense Larry beside me ready to say something too, but he was leaving it up to the man who had my attention. “You can’t just stand there and do nothing. They’ll kill you, Nina. It’s you or them. Kill or die, Nina Davis.” His jaw rippled before he repeated each word with force. “Kill or die.”

In spite of the fear that had drained my body and despite the new appreciation I suddenly had for living, it didn’t escape my attention that he’d called me by my maiden name.

His face was so close to mine, his expression intense, his eyes like cold steel. He was a thing to be feared, and yet…I expected him to kiss me right then, and it would have been full of years of denied passion.

***

I lay in Kevin’s arms for longer than I could calculate, staring out the window and watching as the sky grew darker. Part of me wished we could stay like this forever, in this place the world seemed to have forgotten about, away from everything bad and horrible and dark.

That might have been nice, but there was still the question of my kids…and the rest of my family. I needed to know they were all right, had to find out where they were. I didn’t know how the hell I was going to do that or when, but I needed to.

Up against my body, he felt strong where I felt weak, warm where I could only sense cold. He had become to me everything I always knew he was, and the realization that I had fallen in love with him again struck me hard. It had been an easy slide, one I hadn’t even known I was on until my feet were back on the ground.

I decided there, in his arms, that I wasn’t going to fight it.

But I also wasn’t going to acknowledge it. After our weird past as teens, I didn’t know what to expect from him in the aftermath. I only knew this moment, and I was going to cherish it, hold it tightly in my heart like I might clench a locket in my fist, and then I was going to let tomorrow bring what it would. I would leave this room with no expectations, no hope.

It was something I’d grown pretty good at over the years.

***

I can’t wait for you to read this book!

Amazon US: http://amzn.to/1xunHEw

Amazon UK: http://amzn.to/1xunJwa

Barnes & Noble: http://bit.ly/1bOWDGw

iTunes: http://apple.co/1CKlRzE

Kobo: http://bit.ly/1BKoAnT

ARe: http://bit.ly/1NBbIap

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Blast from the Past and Sale Alert!!!

Today, I’m showcasing Nicki Sosebee book #9 (Fake) but before that, I wanted to let you know that–right this moment–Nicki Sosebee Foursome (a collection of the first four books in the Nicki Sosebee series) is on sale for 99 cents on Amazon.  The sale ends tonight, so if you’ve ever wanted to read Nicki but just haven’t had the opportunity to buy the books, now’s your chance to do it and save a little money in the process.  Nicki is one of the most bad ass female characters I’ve ever written…and I hope to write book #10 later this year.  Anyway, without further ado…LINKS!

Amazon: http://amzn.to/VaenU7

Amazon UK: http://amzn.to/1kUdBqq

(UPDATE 3/29/15, 5:46 pm MDT:  Oops!  Those were the links for Fake, not Nicki Sosebee Foursome.  Fixed now! My apologies.)

 

Now, on to Fake!

In a nutshell: Nicki has come to realize that she can’t fix everything wrong with the world, at least not by confronting the bad guys head on, so she intends to educate people by tackling one small problem at a time. Now, there’s a woman running for city council who’s growing a little too big for her britches and stirring up trouble in Winchester, dividing citizens into two clear sides—her side and the other—and Nicki plans to expose her for what she is. In the meantime, Nicki hurts Sean and risks losing him for good.

Cool facts: Fake‘s cover has caused the book to be banned by multiple online booksellers (because it is “pornographic”)–and, thus far, I have refused to change it.  I am considering making a cover that also makes a statement and seeing if that one will pass muster…

Teaser:

Nicki glanced at the time on her phone. They’d already been there over ten minutes. No wonder it felt like her stomach was going to devour itself. She looked over at Jesse again. The poor guy was miserable. He had turned some so he would see when Sean walked back in, but he looked at Nicki when she glanced over. God…you’d think they’d been having an affair the entire time she’d been living with Sean, the way he was acting.

When Sean came back in, he walked over to the bench. “Jess, I know you’ve been waiting for me for a while, but do you care if I talk to Nicki for a few minutes?”

She felt a shiver of ice work its way up her spine but she kept still. She took a deep breath and stood. “Actually, I’m here with Jesse. We need to talk to you together.”

Sean looked a little confused but on the border of anger. Then he forced his eyes to look softer again. “Christ, Nicki, you don’t need Jesse to protect you. I won’t hurt you.” He placed his hands on her shoulders. “I’m sorry I scared you last night. I swear it won’t happen again.”

His words helped…to a degree. She had been a little fearful, so his words relieved her of that emotion, but she still worried about what she and his best friend—his bro, as he’d often called Jesse—were about to do to him. There was no way to cushion that blow, either. They just had to strike and do it quickly…and then it would be up to Sean.

She just wished the moment could be over already. It had seemed like forever getting there. “I love you, Sean, and I believe you, but that’s not why we’re here together.” She swallowed as she saw his eyes grow dark. Her words told him enough…enough that he was starting to piece things together. She had to give him credit, though. He was maintaining his cool. She sensed more than saw Jesse stand up next to her.

Sean dropped his hands off her shoulders. “Okay, so what do you need to tell me?”

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Blast from the Past: Nicki Sosebee – Blind

If you caught my blog post last month, then you know I’m sharing old page content and turning it into blog posts now that my site is revamped. Today, Nicki #8!

 

Blind

In a nutshell: Nicki is angry. Now that she’s seen what the people in power will do to keep their control, she knows she has to play it safe. She’s threatened to topple their thrones and they’re feeling nervous. But she’s also feeling guilty about the murder of a prostitute whom she thinks she was responsible for, so she makes it her mission to help all the women of the night working in Winchester. And she does it the only way she knows how—by reporting what she’s learned. And with Sean behind her, she knows she can do anything she’s set her mind to.

Cool facts: Real-life Colorado band Fighting the Phoenix make a cameo appearance in this book.

Characters:

Nicki Sosebee: A modern girl who works hard and plays even harder.

Sean Ramsey: Nicki’s drool-inducing best friend who keeps Nicki in the friend zone.

Jesse Roberts: Nicki’s on-again off-again boyfriend whose emotions are just too intense for Nicki.

Jillian Carpenter: One of Nicki’s BFFs, Jillian’s life reminds Nicki exactly why she wants to stay single and childless.

Brandy King: One of Nicki’s BFFs, Brandy pulls no punches when she tells Nicki the girl’s got to get over Sean and move on. And Brandy might be a newlywed, but she still likes to hear all about Nicki’s sexual pursuits.

Neal Black: Nicki’s editor at the Winchester Tribune.

Detective Nathan Wright: A policeman who sometimes helps Nicki…and sometimes doesn’t.

Teaser:

Jesse asked, “So what have you been up to, Nicki?”

“Getting into more and more trouble, in case you hadn’t noticed.”

“Yeah, I’ve seen that.”

“What about you? Where you workin’ lately?”

“I’m just working at the On The Go as a cashier, which pretty much sucks, but I’m going to WCC this semester.”

“Are you serious?”

“Yeah.”

“What the hell are you studying, Jesse Roberts?”

He grinned. “Fire science.”

Nicki stopped cutting the tomato. “What the hell is fire science?”

“I’m studying to be a fire fighter.”

“A fire fighter?”

“Yeah. I decided I wanted to do something important, something real.”

“That’s cool, Jesse.”

He cleared his throat and looked down at the knife in her hand. “You were kinda the inspiration behind that.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, you know, how you keep trying to save the world with your newspaper articles.”

She smiled. “That’s a sweet thing to say.” But, of course, his sweetness was one of the things she’d grown to love about Jesse when they’d been dating.

“Yeah, well, we’ll see if I can pass my f*ckin’ algebra class first.”

She started chopping the tomato again, ready to move on to the onions and olives. They were quiet for a little bit and Jesse took another drink of his beer. Nicki said, “So, are you seeing anybody right now?” God, she hoped so. Because she cared about Jesse, she wanted him to be as happy as she finally was. He deserved it.

He shrugged. “I’ve dated a couple of girls but nothing major.”

“Why not? Just haven’t found the right girl?”

A sardonic sneer crossed his mouth. “Kinda hard when your ex’s name is branded on your hand.” He held up his right hand, even though Nicki knew exactly what he was talking about–the scripted tattoo of her name that he’d had permanently inked just below where his thumb and finger met.

“You know, Jesse, I know you’re really into your tattoos, how they’re mementos of everything you’ve ever been through, but maybe you should seriously consider having that one removed.”

He was quiet for a few seconds, still staring at it, but then he said, “F*ck no.”

She raised her eyebrows and scooped the chopped tomatoes into a bowl. “Just a suggestion.”

He stared at her hands as she placed the cutting board back on the counter. “Can’t believe you’re all domestic. How the hell did that happen?”

She giggled. “Don’t expect to see me like this that often. I just know you guys take your Super Bowl pretty seriously, and I was lucky enough to have the day off, so why not?”

She grabbed the onion. Jesse took another swig of beer and asked, “What about you?”

Oh, no. She hadn’t been prepared for this. “Oh…you know….” She kept her eyes on her hands, one holding the onion on the cutting board, the other pressing the knife blade into the vegetable to slice it. And where the hell were Sean and Travis? She hoped maybe he’d take her blow off answer and move on. She had to think of another subject…and fast.

She could barely hear him when he said, “F*ck.” He set the bottle down on the counter. “Seriously?”

She tried to act innocent but she suspected he’d figured it out. She looked up from the onion. She said, “What?” but she could tell from his eyes that he knew.

“You and Sean?”

Oh, God…he looked so sad. And she knew she couldn’t lie to him. She started to nod when she heard Sean and Travis coming through the front door laughing. She nodded. “Yeah.”

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Blast from the Past: Nicki Sosebee – Innocent Bystander

If you caught my blog post last month, then you know I’m sharing old page content and turning it into blog posts now that my site is revamped. Today, Nicki #7!

In a nutshell: The longest Nicki book is also the sexiest!

Nicki, now disillusioned, realizes that she is but a tiny cog in a big machine, and she begins to feel like she’s going to be swallowed up. As she opens her eyes to all that’s around her, her life begins to fall apart. She loses her car, her apartment, and almost loses her job, all to circumstances beyond her control, and the bad guys have nothing to do with it. But, through adversity, Nicki learns what she’s made of. She begins to dig deep into the underbelly of Winchester, and she finds that the drug trade isn’t just for the junkies.

Keep a fan nearby ’cause this Nicki book is hot, hot, HOT!!!

Cool facts: This is the longest Nicki Sosebee book so far and by far. A lot needed to happen to get from A to Z, and that’s why it was so long!

Characters:

Nicki Sosebee: A modern girl who works hard and plays even harder.

Sean Ramsey: Nicki’s drool-inducing best friend who keeps Nicki in the friend zone.

Jesse Roberts: Nicki’s hot ex-boyfriend…they’re trying to figure out how to be just friends, but it’s a little awkward.

Jillian Carpenter: One of Nicki’s BFFs, Jillian’s life reminds Nicki exactly why she wants to stay single and childless.

Brandy King: One of Nicki’s BFFs, Brandy pulls no punches when she tells Nicki the girl’s got to get over Sean and move on. And Brandy might be a newlywed, but she still likes to hear all about Nicki’s sexual pursuits.

Neal Black: Nicki’s editor at the Winchester Tribune.

Detective Nathan Wright: A policeman who sometimes helps Nicki…and sometimes doesn’t.

Mercedes: A hooker who tells Nicki what she knows, putting her own life in danger.

T: A huge, scary-looking drug dealer who tells Nicki a little too.

Seth: A twenty-something college student who doesn’t plan to miss his opportunity with Nicki for the second time.

Teaser:

Sean picked up the remote and switched the TV off. He threw the remote back on the coffee table. The look on his face was serious. He took another drink of his beer and held the empty bottle in his right hand. He sighed. “Nicki, I know times are hard on you right now, and I want you to know I’ve got your back, but I don’t know how much longer I can share my apartment.”

His words felt almost like a slap in the face. “What…? Why? Did I do something?”

He cleared his throat and considered the bottle, as though it were an ancient relic found in the Middle East. He shook his head. “No…I know you’re just being yourself.”

“Then what, Sean?”

He looked up from the bottle. “I…I just can’t take it anymore, Nicki. I know you’re trying to be considerate, but I know every single time you had guys over. I know what you’re doing in there. It drives me crazy. And…I can’t take the sh*t you wear either.”

She felt confused. “What do you mean? Perfume or clothes or…?”

“No. I mean your god*mned legs. I can’t look at your bare legs anymore.” Oh, f*ck. She’d overplayed her hand, and now she was going to pay. She didn’t say a word, because she didn’t know where he was going. “I can’t stand thinking about you anymore, Nicki, and I’m going to give in if you stay here.”

She placed her hands on his cheeks. “What’s so wrong about that, Sean? Why can’t you just give in then, for God’s sake?”

She felt his jaw tense underneath her hands. “I’m not going to.” His eyes drilled into hers. “I’m sorry, Nicki, but you’re going to have to move out.”

She felt her breath catch in her throat. It felt as though a knife had plunged into her chest, and she felt cold. She stood, maintaining all the dignity she could, and picked her glass up off the coffee table. “Fine.” She walked out of the room and into her bedroom, willing back the tears.

So f*cking what? Why the hell was Sean such a p*ssy when it came to her? She had to move because he couldn’t stand thinking about her? Well, fine. She’d move in with her parents if she had to. No way was she going to be treated like dirt just because Sean couldn’t be a man.

She rifled through her dresser drawers and found an oversized t-shirt and pair of gray sweatpants. Wouldn’t want to be accused of looking sexy. She took them with her to the bathroom and turned on the shower.

She stayed in longer than usual, letting the warm water wash away her tears and pain along with the grease from Napoli. She knew now that her fantasy of Sean would never happen, and she knew Brandy and Jillian would be happy to hear that. But she was done. She felt so much anger, such thick emotion bordering on hatred for him right now…that she knew she’d never look at him the same way again.

When she got out of the shower, she toweled off and smoothed lotion over her skin. Then she dressed and combed out her hair. She planned to go straight to bed. There was nothing left to talk about.

But when she stepped out of the bathroom, Sean was standing in the hallway, blocking the route. She couldn’t bear to look him in the eye. “Excuse me,” she said with a coldness that shocked even herself, shoving her way past him.

But he grabbed her arm, stopping her. He turned her to face him. She looked in his eyes and felt the tears well up again. Be strong. She said, “I get it, Sean. I’ll be out of here tomorrow, okay?”

He bit his lower lip as his eyes bore down on hers. “No, Nicki.” A tear dropped from her eye. “Oh…don’t cry.” His finger wiped away the tear. “You don’t have to move out, okay? You were right. Don’t…go.”

Had she heard him right?

His warm lips pressed against hers roughly and she’d opened her mouth to consume his tongue before her brain had fully registered what he’d said. But she still couldn’t stop the tears from falling.

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