Cate Ellink's Blog, page 20

Wildlife Wednesday - skating things

I don't have the first clue what these are. I've sat on this picture for a while because I thought by some miracle I might work out what they are...but no miracles have come forth. So I give you the picture.

This is from when I was fishing with Dad. And these sparkly specks are tiny fish / bugs / flies / things (maybe 2mm long at best) skating across the surface of the river. They were there for ages, and there were quite a few of them.

I took a photo to have proof that I'd seen them because dad reckoned he couldn't see them - and to be fair, they were at my end of the boat and they are tiny. It's just that there's this little part of me that wonders if I've imagined them! Do you ever get like that!?!

Anyway, here's another mystical wildlife beastie that inhabits my local area, for which I have no clue what it is!

I love Wildlife Wednesdays :) Anyone know if these are real? Or what they might be called?

Sunday Story - Love is Love

Australia is having a same sex marriage discussion...and I can't see that it's going to be pleasant. People can be nasty beasts.
I have quite an odd view about this issue, well, it causes the people in my life to stare at me with some pained horror, so I'm assuming it's totally odd. I'm interested in what you think.
To me, marriage is an act of the patriarchy, used to pass women from the care of their father to the care of their husband...because women are unable to be a whole person in the patriarchy, they are seen as a possession, or a second rate citizen. And I think this is a large reason for the conservatives wanting to retain marriage as is, because any deviation puts a dent in the patriarchy.
I'd like to blow the patriarchy to smithereens. 
I'd love to not have marriage as a part of society at all. If people chose to have it as a part of their religion, then that's their choice. But as a society issue, I'd like marriage to be disbanded.
I'd like individuals to exist. And in that way, people would be allowed to make choices for themselves. And when they made a choice, they could lodge a 'relationship' with a government authority (or whatever that choice is). 
I'd love to see Love Is Love. And whatever relationship choice individuals make, then it is valid. Someone may choose to live solo. Valid choice. A partnership. Valid choice. A polygamy set up. Valid choice if all are in agreement. Threesome. Valid choice. Some other form of bonding. Valid choice.
Why does society need to dictate not only a heterosexual pairing, but any other form of relationship? Can't we be adults? Consenting adults, open to Love Is Love.
Okay, so am I too 'out there'?

Sunday Story - catnip or poison

I've been reading a book this week that kept pulling me up. It's a best selling author, a well loved book, and I could see good things in in, even though it kept burring me up.
I persisted, and I finished it. I was still undecided.
I went to Goodreads and Amazon to see what readers thought. Amazon was all the love. Goodreads had thousands of reviews. Many more 3, 4, & 5 stars than 1 or 2s. But when I went to look at the 1s, there were about 30 or 40 of them. I was shocked that the bar graph seemed like there were so few, but I guess when there's a few thousand reviews, that's what happens.
And the 1 stars were all about the bits that I'd struggled with too. A heroine who was sometimes so incredibly naive, sometimes unthinking, sometimes a wonderful person. A hero who was an arsehole, but also protective and so damn good at being a 'father'. A story that sometimes didn't seem to gel properly, and writing that sometimes jarred.
The 5 stars didn't mention any of these things, they more concentrated on the feelings, the emotions, the feel good.
It all made me realise (again - I'm slow!) that what's someone's catnip is another's poison. Writing, any creative pursuit, is subjective. People will love it or hate it. And if it's good, you'll illicit those strong emotions. 
Catnip readers are what you're always searching for as an author. Catnip books are what I'm always searching for as a reader.
Sometimes poison makes people yell more than catnip! :) 

Phallic Friday - Release Day for Team Player

Today is release day for Team Player!!! The MMF I've been chatting about in recent times.

I did a FaceBook release party slot for JA Low and her release last week, and I realised that I never spend any time on FB chatting to people.

Many years ago, I was addicted to chatting online, and so I've consciously avoided falling into that trap again (because I don't have time for addictions if I want to write, and have a hubby, and eat, etc!). But I have gone the other way where I fly on for a few minutes, chuck a few words on someone's post, like a few things, then fly off and do work, or write, or cook, or living stuff.

But release day is a good time to spend the day chatting with reader friends, isn't it? I'll be juggling the day job with chatting, so hopefully that'll work.

Besides, taking myself to lunch isn't all that exciting :)

So, come and visit me on FaceBook if you're bored today. Hopefully the day job won't decide that they need me to be frantic, and I'll be chatting!



Facebook author page http://www.facebook.com/CateEllinkAuthor
Other places to find me today:  ARRA have a giveaway on their post for Team Player today. (You might need to hunt for it a little)
AusRom Today have a guest post from me today too. (And the lovely J'aimee suggested Team Player was a MUST READ for August, which I'm very happy about, especially since there are some writing friends on that list too).
BLURB:
She’s never been shy about what she wants – and now she wants them both…

Hannah Maynard, sports reporter, is sure it’s only her lust-filled fantasies linking Australian rugby league captain, Charlie Maxxin, with relative newcomer, Lyle Smythe-Jones. She and Charlie have shared quite a few steamy sessions over the years, so surely he’s not in a relationship with the young, unflappable player she’s dubbed Marble Boy?

Hannah lures Charlie to dinner and his reaction is all the answer she needs. But she doesn’t want to report on the biggest secret in Australian sport – she wants to take part. However, it’s not just Charlie’s decision and it can’t be just casual. If Hannah wants in, she has to be all in, with Lyle, with Charlie, and with the hottest action any of them have ever experienced.

Wildlife Wednesday - whales

Whale at NingalooOMG, have you seen Helene Young's whales? Here's a link to one of the videos on YouTube. If you check out her name, you should be able to find the others - and they're on Facebook if you follow her there.

Not only does she write fabulous books, she does great photography, videography and blog posts on travel!

Hervey Bay has now moved up on my To Do List. And I don't think I could be like Helene and Graham and just watch. I'd have to chuck on my snorkel and mask and slip into the water.

I've had the pleasure of being in the water twice with whales (by chance both times) and I don't think I appreciated the moment enough.

The first time I'd surfaced from a dive at Jervis Bay, NSW, and one of the guys yelled that a whale just went by us. I caught the end of the tail. It made me laugh because those things are huge, and I'd been underwater right near it, and I hadn't seen/felt a thing! How was that even possible!?!?!? But they travel quite quickly, and if I was looking the other way, I wouldn't have even noticed, unless it hit me! :)

The second time was at Ningaloo Reef, near Exmouth, WA, where we'd jumped in the water to swim with whale sharks. The whale sharks were on strike, but a humpback swam right by us. I had my camera, but I was so in awe I forgot to take any photos. When I did, the murky water made the distant whale just a blur. But once again, if I hadn't been looking in the exact right spot at the exact right time, I'd have had no idea that such a creature was ten metres from me.

And that's what does my head in. Whales are enormous. Yet the ocean is more so. You can share the space so easily, without knowing each other is there. And whales are so incredible with their water presence and swimming ability, I think they could probably sneak up beside me and tap my on the shoulder before I even felt their presence!

Have you had a close encounter with a whale?

Sunday Story - Trust

Earlier this week, Kylie Scott's new book, Trust, came out. If you haven't heard about it, there's a blurb and an awesome trailer on Kylie's website here. The trailer is really worth watching...it's a movie trailer, really!

I'm a fan of Kylie's words and stories. She spoke at ARRC about Trust, and there's been a lot of hype before release day (an author who can promo :)!!!), so I was looking forward to it. And after the brilliant trailer, I wanted to know what happened.

I got a notification just as I was shutting down for the night that my pre-order was ready. Holy heck. 11 pm and there's a new Kylie Scott book. I'd just had a killing-it day writing, and I'm all for rewards for even the smallest of things. Even knowing that if I opened it, it would be a long long night...I opened it.

A few times I thought about putting it down. But hey, the chapters are short, so what's one more chapter?

I finished as Mr E got up.

My heart full.

It's teenage angst done beautifully. It's growing up, illustrated superbly. I think it's Kylie's best and most heartfelt novel yet.

Edie is a lovely character. She's a victim to bullies at school, long before she's involved in a random drug-fuelled hold up at a convenience store. It's a life-changing event.

John Cole is such a fabulous hero because he's almost an anti-hero. He's everything a victim can never have, but dreams of.

The supporting cast, especially Hang and Anders, are funny and cute and great friends.

This book is deeply moving. It's about 'firsts' and not all my firsts were great experiences, and I think that's why the book resonates so well...not all the firsts are fantastic, and yet they're firsts. Exciting in their own way, life-changing in some way, and part of the rites of passage.

I loved this story. Trust by Kylie Scott. Have you read it? What did you think?

Phallic Friday - sex-free

You might know there are two of me writing - Cate, who you know, and the clean no sex, no swearing other me.

I've a deadline for the other me - end of July - and so I'm rushing to re-write my draft in time to meet the deadline. And because it's clean sweet me...OMG...I'm clean and sweet.

Every time I fall into the clean stories, all smuttiness exits my head, especially when under time constraints.

I don't know how that happens - it's like my brain clicks from one side to the other.

When I start my clean stories, I have to write in the swearing, and then rewrite by consciously taking it out! By the end of the clean story, I'm not even thinking of swearing.

The same goes with sex. I have these raunchy things popping into my head at the start. Now that I'm closer to the finish of the second writing of the story, I have debates with myself along the lines of - "Should they kiss here, or does that ruin the flow of the relationship?"

Kissing?

God, Cate has had them kissing before the book even starts...or if not, then pretty soon into it. Kissing is nothing for Cate.

It's kind of a crazy way to be...this swinging between ultra-clean and conservative vs wild erotic ramblings. But I don't think it's anything new for me. As a kid, I was often told (yelled at mostly) that I was a "home devil; street angel." I could adapt myself to my surroundings. I don't know how or why I did that, but I think I always have.

At primary school, if I was playing with the girls, I'd be quiet, take my cues from them, do what I was supposed to do. If I was playing sport with the boys, I'd run, yell, say rude words. I'm not sure what my true self is - I think it's somewhere between the two characters.

I had a good mate as a young kid (pre 4th class) who was a boy. We were on a wavelength where we could spend a lot of time together doing our thing (he drew, I read, we talked sport, science, cars and fishing). I think being with him was where I was most myself. I remember the times with him as being quiet, serene and stable but a heck of a lot of fun. We accepted each other as we were, however we were. From 4th class, and onwards, he had to change schools and although we saw each other at various local things, we never spent the time together that we had earlier, to continue our friendship... plus I think strong male-female friendships were actively discouraged.

It's weird to be here on a Thursday night and have not a sexual thought in my head to make a Phallic Friday post. So, this is the clean me...and hopefully she'll get this book finished and get smutty real soon :)

Do you adapt your personalty to suit the people you're with?

Wacky Writer Wednesday - Promotion Paralysis

Watch out - awkward landing ahead!!I love this job...but sometimes it asks so much of me. I'm writing some thoughts today, so I've recorded them for the next time this causes me angst...and in case anyone else experiences these crippling horrors.



I have a book coming out. I thought I loved it, a few people I know read it and did. Then a few raised their eyebrows when I said it was MMF. Then a reviewer contacted me with praise, I stupidly went to read some reviews where there was no praise. OMG. 
My book is $5.99 which I consider a lot of money, and I keep asking myself, "How do I ask anyone to fork out. $6 for a book they might hate?" And yet, plenty of times I've spent $30 on a paperback or hardback I've hated. I've just passed it to someone I think might like it...but you can't do that with an ebook. You 'waste' your money. And shit, I don't want people wasting their money.
But I spent months writing and rewriting and editing my book. My publisher has invested too. So it can't be too dreadful, can it? But I'm so paralysed. I can't remember why I loved it, or even liked it. I can barely remember what inspired it. And I have to promote it. With all this shit tonne of self doubt,  I'm supposed to sprout forth about how wonderful my book is.
Closest thing I had to a chicken baring her soul!Why the heck do I have to do that? Because it's part of my job.
I didn't sign up for this part. I signed up to write. This part is paralysing. 
I'm trying to look at what others do to promote their books, but God, I'm either intimidated because they're so confident, or revolted because they're overly confident and loud.
Me...I'm hiding in my corner, flicking out a few postcard things and hoping they'll find some target. You know, by magic. 
I know it won't happen like that because it's not how social media works. 
I have to be social, engage, oh god, and not hate myself afterwards. Not second guess every comment I've ever made. Not rue every person who doesn't acknowledge me. Not wonder if people hate me because they have kids and I write about sex.
Dear god. It's a minefield and I'm too bloody scared to take a step, wondering if every foot step will blow up beneath me.
And then I read someone's new book, and it's awesome and I'm even more paralysed. Or it's dreadful and I wonder why they're successful and I'm not (promotion, I know!). 
And I don't know why I'm in this game. But it's not a game. I want to take it seriously, which means I need to put my big girl knickers on and shove this self doubt some place deep inside, and find my mojo. Find my kick arseness. Find my extroverted self. Even though I'm sure I've never had those things in my life.
Fuck. I have a book out.
I've never been more insecure in my life.

Wildlife Wednesday - cobwebs

I've got a lot of cobwebs around my yard and I'm on a mission to capture their beauty...but I'm failing. Here's a few of them. Maybe one day I'll make the shot that's in my head! (I might need a proper camera!)
Lots of little bugs captured in the web (that's vanished)
Raindrops in cobweb...just not the best background
If you look really closely, there's cobweb in fine stripes here, promise!
Sunshine, you can see the web, just too much background

Sunday Story - writing sex scenes

Team Player's out in a few weeks and Escape Publishing had a snippet the other week (you can read it here), so I thought I'd give you another behind-the-scenes snippet, and a bit of the backstory of how I write...or at least how this scene was written!

I have three characters in this story - Charlie and Lyle are footy players who've been having a secret relationship, and Hannah who's joined them. Hannah and Charlie have a past of friends-with-benefits.

One of Hannah's desires is to see these two men together. Their kissing and touching really turns her on, but she'd like to watch them have anal sex. And by watch, I mean watch, with no participation on her part.


This is an early draft of the scene:



An idea hovers in my mind. Lyle gets off on my dirty talk. I could whisper as he fucks. But I need to watch, without distraction.
Another time.
Charlie’s fingertips are white where they’re pressed into the edges of his buttocks. His cheeks are open as I suspected and his butthole is dusky and puckered, shiny with lube. Lyle blobs on more lube and Charlie shudders. Lyle’s fingers slide along the crack, trailing lube across the skin. One finger circles Charlie’s hole, teasing at the puckered skin, rubbing more lube in, and pressing around the edges of the tight muscle. He’s taking a lot of care to ensure Charlie’s ready. Part of me wants him to be rough and primitive, just press inside until Charlie roars, but I know how it can hurt. Lyle’s care is so much like Lyle, patient and kind. Gentle even if he can hold his own against any man.
All that circling and teasing makes me ache. I wonder how Lyle’s finger would be if it was my cunt he was preparing. Would he spend so much time teasing? Would I be as patient as Charlie, aroused to bursting but not yet begging to be filled? How long would he make me wait before he touched inside me? My vagina clenches just thinking about that, while I watch Charlie’s arse clenching after being drawn slightly open. God, I’m wet. So fucking wet.
I’m panting from all the teasing before, finally, Lyle presses his forefinger against the tight skin. The pressure isn’t strong, but it’s constant. Slowly his finger gains entrance, sliding in slowly to just the first knuckle. He slips his finger in and out, slightly deeper with each movement. The pucker lessens, the muscles relax. Lyle dollops another blob of lube on his middle finger before sliding both fingers in, taking the lube with him.
Fuck. This is hot. Hotter than I expected. Lyle’s cock is right there, bobbing near Charlie’s cheeks as Lyle’s body moves when his arm flexes. If I lean down, I bet I’d see Charlie’s balls held right up against his body and his cock still rigid with need. It’s a wonder he’s able to stand. I hope I’ll be right to stand. I didn’t think of my legs when I walked here without the stool.
Lyle’s fingers come out of Charlie. The arsehole gapes for just a second, and I gasp. Then it seems to wink before closing again. I turn to Lyle, who’s gripping his cock in a tight fist. Neither of us speaks, and Charlie seems limited to a grunt or a groan of need. It’s so silent, I wonder if they’re both holding tight, anticipating. I sure am.
Lyle’s cock, held in his fingers now, is pressed against Charlie’s slick hole. The pucker is back. Charlie’s arse looks almost as tightly closed as before Lyle had lubed him, before he’d held it open with just two fingers. Wondering how long Lyle will press against the fortress, I lean closer.
Lyle bumps my shoulder and mouths, “Ready?”


I have some awesome writing crit buddies who I send work to and they give me some feedback, tips, hates, annoyances, or love. For sex scenes, I have a best mate who also writes, and has a similar background to me. He's the major driver for me writing and publishing and has been my supporter for a very long time. So sex scenes go to him first. Then he emails me back and tells me what shit they are and how I can do so much better! LOL And that makes me go and write it better, because after 20+ years, his criticism doesn't hurt, it's truthful and honest and makes me better (and he never writes what I just wrote, he always softens the blow!).

So, after he read this scene, I get an email that basically says, I want to see Lyle fuck Charlie, get Hannah the fuck out of the way!

I laughed and laughed an laughed. My mate is a heterosexual dominant alpha male (don't tell him I said that!)...but he wanted to see without the filter of the narrator's thoughts, fears, hopes, desires. He didn't want Hannah, he wanted the guys. the guys are having sex, so why the heck did I have Hannah and her thoughts in there????

And this is a really good point. In first person, it's so easy to blurt all about the main POV character and not make them stand back and show you what they see about the other characters.

This is the final draft of that same lead up to that sex. Hopefully I've got Hannah out of the way so the boys shine on the stage.



Charlie’s fingertips are white where they’re pressed into the edges of his buttocks. His cheeks are open as I suspected and his butthole is dusky and puckered, shiny with lube. Lyle blobs on more lube and Charlie shudders. Lyle’s fingers slide along the crack, trailing lube across the skin. One finger circles Charlie’s hole, teasing at the puckered skin, rubbing more lube, and pressing around the edges of the tight muscle. He’s taking a lot of care to ensure Charlie’s ready. Part of me wants him to be rough and primitive, just press inside until Charlie roars, but I know how it can hurt. Lyle’s care is so much like Lyle, patient and kind. Gentle. Even if he can hold his own against any man.
My vagina clenches as I watch Charlie’s arse tighten after being drawn slightly open. God, I’m wet. So fucking wet.
Finally, Lyle presses his forefinger against the tight skin. The pressure doesn’t appear strong, but it’s constant. Slowly his finger gains entrance, sliding in to just the first knuckle. He slips his finger in and out, slightly deeper with each movement. The pucker lessens, the muscles relax. Lyle dollops another blob of lube on his middle finger before sliding both fingers in, taking the lube with him.
Fuck. This is hot. Hotter than I expected. Lyle’s cock is right there, bobbing near Charlie’s cheeks as Lyle moves when his arm flexes. If I lean down, I bet I’d see Charlie’s balls held right up against his body and his cock still rigid with need. It’s a wonder he’s able to stand.
Lyle’s fingers come out of Charlie. The arsehole gapes for just a second, and I gasp. Then it seems to wink before closing. I turn to Lyle, who’s gripping his cock in a tight fist. Neither of us speaks, and Charlie seems limited to only grunts or groans.
Lyle’s cock, held in his fingers now, is pressed against Charlie’s slick hole. The pucker is back. Charlie’s arse looks almost as tightly closed as before Lyle lubed him, before he’d held it open with just two fingers. Wondering how long Lyle will press against the fortress, I lean closer.
Lyle bumps my shoulder and mouths, ‘Ready?’


So...that's a small part of my process in writing sex scenes. Hopefully you think the second version is better than the first! Hopefully I've done an okay job.When I read my story back after a break, I can see the imperfections...but I hope that means I'm improving and that each time I write, the stories are getting better. That's my aim anyway.