Donald Miller's Blog, page 67

One Thing That Taught Me How To Be More Present With My Family

For our son Henry’s seventh birthday, we loaded up the car with his best friends, with snacks and juice boxes, with extra sweatshirts and loads of Batman guys, and we spent a wild, fun, silly afternoon at the Brookfield Zoo.

There was one main attraction for Henry: the dinosaurs. Brookfield has this amazing exhibition of animatronic dinosaurs—machines that look and sound like dinosaurs, laid out just like any other animal exhibition. It’s amazing. You walk through the bears and the tigers and the kangaroos, and then you walk through the dinosaurs, arching their backs, breathing and growling. It’s pretty great.

*Photo Credit: Falashad, Creative Commons

Henry had been looking forward to it for ages. His friends were so excited about it. We went to lots of other sections first, to build anticipation. When we finally arrived at the dinosaurs, the boys were wriggling with excitement. We handed out their tickets for this special exhibition, and then they sprinted through it. They reached the end in record time, yelping, dragging one another on to the next one, the next one, the next one.

When they got to the end, we were shocked.

“How could you be done already?” we asked. “We could barely keep up with you. Don’t you want to see it again? Or look at each one up close?”

They didn’t. They were too wound up, too excited about the dinosaurs to actually experience the dinosaurs. It’s easy to do when you’re seven. And it’s easy to do when you’re thirty-seven.

All my life I wanted to be a mom, to love and nurture and snuggle little people, to give them baths and laugh with them, to read to them and play with them.

But I find myself blowing past the most important moments with my children all too often, hardly even there, running through the dinosaurs I’ve been longing to experience.

All my life I wanted to fall in love and live a love story with someone who makes me laugh and makes me think and makes me happy.

And instead of making rich memories with my husband, who does all of those things in my life so well, all too often I pick at him about small things or waste our time together by complaining about things of little consequence.

I run through the dinosaurs all the time, and I don’t even realize it till later. I lay in bed and realize I missed the most important things, the things that really matter to me, because I was caught up in my own head, running circles, having imaginary conversations, forecasting imaginary disasters.

One of my goals these days: stop running through the dinosaurs.

I want to be where I am, and be fully there, instead of missing the things I’ve been looking forward to for so long, caught up in my fears and anxieties. I don’t want to miss anymore dinosaurs.

What is it in your life that you might be missing, because you’re moving too fast, or because you’re running to the next thing?

One Thing That Taught Me How To Be More Present With My Family is a post from: Storyline Blog

Do You Know What the Voice of Jesus Sounds Like?

In John chapter ten, Jesus calls Himself the Good Shepherd. To those listening, His language is vague. They want to know who is right and who is wrong, who gets into heaven and who doesn’t, and they want to be able to measure the metrics. Jesus doesn’t give them anything they can use to judge that sort of thing, at least not in this chapter (elsewhere, He says if you love me you will obey me). But here, Jesus simply says that He is the Good Shepherd, and the sheep will know His voice.

Not only does Jesus say the sheep will know His voice, but He says He knows them, too. He even says He knows their names. The picture is intimate, guiding, loving, and protective. Jesus talks about the enemy of the sheep, the previous guys who didn’t own the sheep but were put in charge of them, and how somebody who doesn’t own the sheep will flee whenever a wolf comes around. But Jesus implies He will not flee, because He loves the sheep.

*Photo Credit: 20′cents, Creative Commons

So how do we know if we are the sheep, if we are hearing Jesus’ voice? Well, at this point we can only conjecture, but I think the conjecture is safe. As we read through the gospel of John, for instance, do we find ourselves sensing there is something special about Jesus? Do we find ourselves curious enough to want to keep following Him, even though we don’t know exactly what that means? Are we hopeful that we can set down all our religious checklists that give us false security (an insatiable desire for more security, like an addiction) in exchange for a person, the person of Jesus?

Do other religions or philosophies (perhaps even what we previously thought of as Christianity, or some mechanical version of Christianity) feel like dead ideas while Jesus seems to be living and breathing and in our midst? If this is true for you, I’d be willing to say you are one of His sheep. After all, He did say that you would hear his voice.

And when we are one of His sheep, Jesus says we will find rest.

He says in John chapter ten we will be saved and go out and find pasture. Sounds pretty good, doesn’t it?

Not only this, but as we trust Jesus we begin to realize He knows us, personally. He is not like the faith in ideas we previously subscribed to; He is living and breathing and interacting with us. We feel like the Apostles, scurrying behind Him asking silly questions. And it’s comforting to know that He loves us and knows us, even as He and the Father love each other and know each other, which is the kind of love He describes in the same chapter.

Today, I want to look at a group of people who Jesus stated clearly were not in His flock, and did not hear his voice. It’s sobering stuff.

Do You Know What the Voice of Jesus Sounds Like? is a post from: Storyline Blog

Sunday Morning Sermon — Our Story Needs Friendship

This blog is built on the idea that we are all apart of a story. It is the theme that has driven all of us to engage in this community; through blog posts, books and conferences (that feel more like family gatherings really).

In this week’s video our friend Jamie talks about the idea that all of our stories, at some point, encounter both desire and depression (or pain). And in the points of desire and desperation that we need to find a support system.

We need friends that will sit with us in the pain, and friends who will help push us toward our dreams.

The past few years I have found this to be true. I have gathered a community of people who will listen to my darkest truths and my brightest dreams. If you don’t have that community, know that you deserve it. Know that you need it. Know that you will never be the same once you find it.

Sunday Morning Sermon — Our Story Needs Friendship is a post from: Storyline Blog

Saturday Morning Cereal: The Best of the Internet This Week

On the weekend we like to pour a little more cereal in your bowl. We hope you enjoy some reading from our regular contributors, some viral videos and other great finds from the internet. This is what we loved this week. Share your favorite articles and videos in the comments below.

The Best From Our Contributors

How to Hold an Unpopular Opinion by Joshua Becker

This very practical article from Joshua Becker will help you know how to approach the parts of life that aren’t always accepted by others. I resonated with this article and I bet you will too.

Want to Be More Creative? Stop Doing This by Allison Vesterfelt

You can’t numb yourself to the bad stuff in life without also numbing yourself to the good stuff. Creative power comes from digging deep, sinking in. Don’t run away from what is hard. You may be limiting yourself.

The Best From Around The Web

How To Be The Most Stressed Out Person You Know on Huffington Post

Not going to lie, I was a little convicted by some points of this article in the Huffington Post. If you find life to be perpetually stressful, you should check out what this post has to say.

Moment Maker by Carlos Whittaker

Our friend Carlos wrote a book! How exciting is that? It officially released this week, and that is no April Fools. You should get a copy because this book will help you tap into all that is good in life.

The cure or the story? by Seth Godin

Some simple thoughts on the power of story.

The Best Viral Videos We Found

Last week, the 50 yard line surprise won the majority vote. What about this week? Vote for your favorite below in the comments.

Saturday Morning Cereal: The Best of the Internet This Week is a post from: Storyline Blog

What To Do When the Idea Won’t Show Up

Creative ideas are funny creatures. They are more like cats than puppies. They will most likely not jump up and down when they see you; tail wagging, wanting your attention. They notice when you arrive at the page/screen/studio, walk by you, rub against your leg, and then jump on the kitchen counter, then on top of the refrigerator and stare at you. Laughing. Proving to you that you will not control them.

I wish I were an idea pied piper. I wish I knew the special music, tune, tone to play to get an idea to come out and dance on command. Creative ideas require patience and wooing. If they sense desperation, that I’m pressed up against a deadline, or that I’m trying to reenact the magic that happened in some other creative time, the ideas quit on me. They sit on top of the refrigerator with paws crossed and stare at me, daring me to try and create without them.

*Photo Credit: Kiwithing, Creative Commons

Whether you are a poet, creative, leader, parent, student, or spoons player, here are some tips on what to do when the idea won’t show up:

1. Give yourself plenty of time

I have learned to stop making unrealistic promises to people. The creative process takes time whether we like it or not, so we need to be fair to our ideas and to ourselves.

2. Be patient

The idea is going to have its say, and sometimes it’s not going to have its say while you are sitting at your desk, pen in hand, with open moleskine. Sometimes the idea is going to have its say right as you are about to drift to sleep, in the middle of a meeting, or by interrupting a conversation. You are better off not forcing its hand, but riding with its rhythms.

3. Walk away for a bit

In the same way muscles can experience fatigue, your creativity can experience fatigue too. Give yourself and the idea a rest. Come back in a day or two. Then the idea might be ready to see you.

4. Free write

Take a word or two from your topic and time yourself for five minutes, riffing on those words as if they had nothing to do with what you are working on. This will sometimes give you ideas you can keep and even if not it gives your creative brain a new place to travel to.

5. Let the idea be itself

Ever since junior high we have all been on a constant quest to be ourselves. To prove to people that we’re cool, awesome, hipster-y. The coolest thing we can be is exactly who we are without trying to become someone or something else. Your idea wants that same courtesy. Let your idea be itself. Eventually, it will sidle next to your leg, jump in your lap and let you know it’s ready to be become a reality.

What To Do When the Idea Won’t Show Up is a post from: Storyline Blog

Some Thoughts on Self Promotion and Why Arrogant People Think it’s Wrong

As a somewhat cynical twenty-something, I looked down on people who promoted their work. To me, they were walking infomercials, always selling something. On a deeper level, I may have thought of these people as lacking humility or not trusting in God to provide.

Times have changed, though, and now I’m that guy. About once a week I’m criticized for promoting my books (haven’t done that in about two years though) or our movie, or the Storyline conference. About every fifth blog is an invitation to take part in something I’m doing. But I don’t feel arrogant about it at all.

Here are a few reasons I promote my work:

1. My work isn’t about me. It’s about others. As I’ve gotten older I’ve lost interest in making myself look good and become more interested in creating great experiences for people or changing culture. To me, this is more interesting. It’s still my name on the cover of the book or in the titles of the film, but I spend less money on clothes and haircuts because I’m distracted. Ever notice how people who don’t promote themselves have an image of being cool and aloof that they spent months creating and practicing?

2. I believe in my work. I’ve seen the suff I’ve done change lives, provide mentors for kids, make people feel less lonely, save marriages and all that stuff. It took years, but I actually started to understand that in the way a doctor could help somebody with a medical problem, I could help them through an emotional problem. I promote my work because my work helps people.

3. I work with teams. I remember years ago being late turning in a book and about that same time my publisher let a bunch of people go. I was partly responsible for that. I cost people their jobs and it was a terrible feeling. I’ve decided to be a writer and to write with a publisher and that means I work with people. To not get out there and tell people about my work is arrogant and selfish. People are depending on me.

Conversely, here’s the reality about all that cynicism about self promotion.

Here are some reasons people don’t promote their work:

1. Those who do not promote their work usually live off the backs of other people. I hear from a lot of ministers we should only promote Jesus. But if you’re a minister, business people who promote their real-estate agencies, insurance agencies or their skills as a plumber are feeding your children. If you think you should only promote Jesus, you should stop taking money from anybody who advertises or works for companies that do. Lets be consistent, here.

God Himself created farming and created our bodies in such a way we have to eat. That means we have to work and the fact anybody can sit around reading books all day sharing their ideas (don’t forget, that’s exactly what I do) is a complete and total luxury. Not only this, but if we work for a large corporation, we’d better hope they advertise and promote the products we are making, otherwise we’d be out of a job. Not having to promote, in other words, is a luxury and should be seen as such.

2. People who don’t promote their work may not be humble at all, in fact, they may be too proud to be seen as a salesman. I used to think I was humble, but then I realized I didn’t want to be one of those info-mercial guys and so my motivation was anything but humility. I was the opposite, I was proud. Too proud and too cool to sell anything. I was also poor and offering nothing to the world except my latest variation of a stupid mustache.

3. People who don’t promote their work may not yet believe in their work. If you’re a new singer/songwriter, you may just be figuring out whether you’re any good. You may have doubts and so are sheepish. But people who know they are good have no problem standing in front of a crowd telling them they can buy their CD in the back. After all, if it’s a good CD, who cares. They’re actually offering a service.

*Photo Credit: tomscreativeworks, Creative Commons

4. People who don’t promote their work aren’t lost in their work. For me to get up in the morning and build the next piece of Storyline or work on the next chapter of a book is a thrill. I lose myself in the work. Working on a creative project is the best and most healthy way to escape, especially if you’re working with a team. Far from being self centered, doing creative work for a living is a wonderful way to break free from constant narcissism.

5. People who don’t promote their work don’t have employees and associates. If you’re a small businessperson, you likely have employees who count on you to get your name out there or the name of your products. Working with teams is a blast and we come to love those we work with. They’ve given their lives and their skills to you as a creative person or businessperson and you owe it to them to take confidence in your work and get it out into the marketplace.

6. Self promotion is not unholy. Occasionally I’ll encounter some well-meaning religious person who thinks self promotion works against the fame of God. I whole-heartedly disagree. In his day, Billy Graham spent millions promoting himself and his crusades, all so people could come HEAR HIM TALK ABOUT GOD. Those who know Mr. Graham would never see him as arrogant. He was over himself. But that didn’t mean God didn’t give him a personality and a mouth and later a microphone. Flowers bloom and mountains tower not to take attention from God, but to display His glory. So if you’re a dancer, dance, a singer, sing and if you write books, write them well. Lose yourself in the work and play with God in the creative process. And please, cut the false humility and religious crap about how you only promote Jesus. It’s annoying. Get in touch with your own depravity and realize you’re a scumbag like the rest of us and stop talking about how humble you are all the time. Learn to dance or something.

Of course, there are those who really are in it for themselves. I know, I know, they can be annoying. But don’t roll your eyes at every artist who tells you about their new album or book or business. People have to feed themselves and their families and other people’s families. And for heaven’s sake, if you believe in your work, share it with the world.

What project do you want to share with my readership? Leave links in the comment sections. Let’s see what you’ve been up to. It’s time to believe in yourself. God made that mind of yours, show us how you’ve taken responsibility for that amazing fact and let us see what you’ve done with it.

Some Thoughts on Self Promotion and Why Arrogant People Think it’s Wrong is a post from: Storyline Blog

How I Discovered a Life-Changing, Unexpected Key to Happiness

Nobody really believes possessions equal joy. In fact, if specifically asked, nobody in their right mind would ever say the secret to a joyful life is to own a lot of stuff. Deep down, we know it’s not true.

But advertisements from every television, radio, newspaper, magazine, billboard, and website scream to us on a daily basis that more is better. According to statistics, we see 5,000 ads every single day. And since the day we were born, their message has been consistent: “Own more stuff. Live a happier life.”

These messages impact our lives far more than we realize or would ever care to admit.

We’ve been told the same lie so many times we begin to believe it—even without noticing. Unintentionally, we begin to equate happiness with possessions.

As a result, we spend countless hours comparing our things to the person next to us. We measure our family’s success by the wealth of our belongings. We work long hours in jobs to earn enough money so we can spend our lives purchasing the biggest homes, the fanciest cars, the trendiest fashions, the hottest toys, and the coolest technologies.

Meanwhile, we all know it’s not true. We know full-well happiness cannot be bought at a department store.

But what if all these possessions are not just not adding to our happiness?

What if there are, in fact, far more damaging? What if they are actually distracting us from the very things that bring happiness? That would change everything.

It was a beautiful spring weekend in Vermont. The snow was melting, the trees were budding, and the ground was muddy (that’s how Vermont rolls in the spring).

My wife and I woke up early one Saturday to do what most typical American families do on the weekend: clean the house. I volunteered to clean the garage because I wanted to spend some time outside.

Also, I thought my 5-year old son might enjoy working alongside me.

I was wrong.

Less than 2 minutes in to our project, my boy found his baseball bat and baseball and asked if he could go play in the backyard. I was reluctant to agree—not because I wanted to teach him a lesson about working hard, but because I longed to spend time with him after being at work all week. Nevertheless, I agreed.

*photo credit: {cindy}, Creative Commons

The garage was a cluttered mess after the long winter. And the project took longer than I had anticipated (I’m sure you can relate). Nearly three hours later, I was still cleaning out and organizing the same garage.

My neighbor, who happened to be outside working on her home, noticed my growing frustration.

She attempted to lighten the mood with a simple, sarcastic remark, “Ahh, the joys of home ownership.”

I answered her by saying, “Well, you know what they say, ‘The more stuff you own, the more your stuff owns you’.” I think I had read that on a bumper sticker somewhere.

Her next sentence struck a chord with my mind, heart, and soul, and changed the course of my life forever.

She responded, “That’s why my daughter is a minimalist. She keeps telling me I don’t need all this stuff!”

The thought left me speechless. As if, for the first time, somebody had told me that I don’t have to own everything. I wasn’t sure exactly what the term minimalist meant, but at this moment, I didn’t need to.

I looked back at by garage and the pile of dirty, dusty possessions in my driveway. Then, out of the corner of my eye, I saw my son playing alone in the backyard.

And a realization occurred to me.

All the things that I owned were not adding happiness, fulfillment, or meaning into my life. But even worse, they were distracting me from the very things that did! In this case, my 5-year old son—alone with a baseball in the backyard.

That afternoon, my wife and I began removing the unneeded possessions from our home and life. Eventually, we would remove 60-70% of our stuff keeping only the things that absolutely aligned with our most important values.

As a result of owning less, we discovered more time, money, energy, and freedom. We removed stress, worry, and countless distractions from our lives. We found greater opportunity to pursue our truest passions: faith, family, and friends. And we discovered countless other life-giving benefits.

By owning less stuff, we began experiencing a better way to live. And discovered an unexpected key to happiness. (tweet this)

How I Discovered a Life-Changing, Unexpected Key to Happiness is a post from: Storyline Blog

This is How You Know You’re A Leader

Through a series of accidents, I was in student leadership in high school.

I never felt much like a leader. The kids in leadership were young life kids, the “rah-rah” game-playing kids. They were the dance-attending kids, the popular kids, the outgoing, sports-playing, quick-on-their-feet kids. They were the debate kids, the well-spoken kids, the shop-at-Abercrombie kids. I was nothing like them. I was the book-reading kid. The unsure-of-herself kid. The slow-to-decide-kid. The wallflower.

*Photo Credit, Oleh Slobodeniuk, Creative Commons

I didn’t belong. And yet, those four years on student leadership taught me about what it took to be a leader.

They would show me I already was one, whether I liked it or not.

One of my favorite stories from the Bible is the story of Moses.

God comes to Moses and asks him to be a leader to his people. Moses’ response isn’t ideal. It’s not what you’re supposed to say when God himself asks you to do something. But I get it, you know? I understand Moses in this moment. He says, basically, ‘why me, God? Can’t you find someone else? I’m not really very good at this stuff.” They go back and forth for quite awhile before God finally gets angry with Moses.

This is not about you! God tells him. It’s about ME. Stop worrying.

I think the reason I like the story so much is because I feel Moses’ pain. Most of the time, when God calls me to step up and lead, when He calls me to make a decision or take responsibility, I want to say no. I want to say, “Can’t you find someone else?” I’m not really leadership material.”

And yet, I’m starting to think we don’t get to decide if we’re leaders or not.

We just get to choose how we steward the position.

I used to think some people were leaders and some were followers. It was just the way God made us. But lately I’m starting to think I was wrong about that. The world isn’t divided between leaders and followers. The world is full of people who are all called to lead in different areas, at different times, in different ways.

Leadership isn’t about personality or attention or charm.

Leadership is about accountability, responsibility and service. (Tweet This)

God is calling us to lead in our marriages, to lead in our friendships, to lead in our communities, to lead in our workplaces. He’s calling us to lead in our churches, to lead ourselves into new ways of thinking, to better decisions. He’s calling us to lead in our neighborhoods and on airplanes and in elevators.

He’s calling us to lead—calling you to lead—like he called Moses.

And you might be saying, “Really? Why me? Can’t you send someone else?” But that’s okay. It doesn’t mean you’re a bad leader. In fact, it might mean you’re a great leader.

The best leaders are reluctant leaders. Or, at least, that’s what my friend Thad says, and it really helps me. When I find myself hesitant to take accountability for the story unfolding around me, I remind myself no leader feels totally ready. No leader feels good enough, no leader feels completely prepared.

And yet no leader has to. It’s not about me anyway. So I can stop worrying.

This is How You Know You’re A Leader is a post from: Storyline Blog

What To Do With Pain

The older I get, the more I appreciate pain. I’m not a masochist by any stretch because I don’t like pain any more than the average person. And yet I’ve come to appreciate it.

In years past, when I’d go through a hard time, I’d run from it. I’d try not to feel it or deal with it. But these days, I’ve learned the only way life can actually get better is if I face reality, face my mistakes and liabilities and somehow correct or at least acknowledge them.

In stories, characters only change in crisis. Characters never, ever change when the story is going well. And of course the same is true with life.

Pain is always an invitation to grow. (Tweet This)

*Photo Credit: Hayden Petrie, Creative Commons

Sadly, pain also has the opposite affect. If we cover over our pain with coping mechanisms, it’s as though we are going through a workout without gaining muscle. Some people do this for years and never grow. Ever met a 50-year old who is still making the mistakes of a 19-year old? It’s likely because he never accepted pain and allowed it to change his character.

Here are some ways we can grow when we are in the midst of pain:

1. Accept it: We need to sit with the pain and not run from it. This means we can’t drink it away or make ourselves busy or “start the next chapter” before we’ve wrapped up the previous one.

2. Gain perspective: If we lose a loved one, it likely has nothing to do with us. And yet, we can still ask ourselves what really matters in the face of our pain. We can ask ourselves how we want to live differently because of the pain.

3. Take inventory: There are other kinds of pain, though, that bring us into self reflection. We’d be wise, then, to do some self reflecting. If the pain is relational, I’d encourage going through Henry Cloud and John Townsend’s book Safe People and making an inventory of how you are unsafe. This inventory may help you reorganize your life so you don’t find yourself in the same situation again.

In stories and in life, pain is our friend. It’s an unwelcome friend, but a friend nonetheless. The good news is if we make friends with our pain, it won’t stay long and it will leave us with a gift. But if we avoid pain, it will chase us down until we finally accept the gift it has to offer.

What To Do With Pain is a post from: Storyline Blog

Sunday Morning Sermon — Where Are You Going To Find Happiness?

It is easy to focus on our current circumstances to the point we lose site of some of the most important things.

After watching this video about an 80-year-old grandmother named Betty, I realized it’s the simple things in life that really matter. Her outlook on life is to be happy despite battling cancer.

Her great-grandson started an Instrgram account for her to share her message of happiness with the world, and it has gone viral. If we can learn anything from this amazing woman, it is that we do not need to let our circumstance steal our happiness.

In the face of whatever you are facing this week, I hope you find happiness.

Sunday Morning Sermon — Where Are You Going To Find Happiness? is a post from: Storyline Blog