Laurie Boris's Blog, page 51

The Joke's on Me is Here!

Yes! Beating my personal deadline of having a novel published by a significant birthday, The Joke's on Me is here and, like the hot tomatoes on the cover, ripe for the plucking.

I'm taking this show on the virtual road with my "Summer of Love" blog tour, which begins Wednesday, July 20. This promises to be lots of fun as I pop around the Internet visiting various lovely and gracious bloggers and talking about the novel, about writing, about the story behind the novel, the cover, and my fascination with tomatoes. Come visit, pour yourself a cup of coffee (or the libation of your choice) and join the conversation. We may even have a giveway at the end.

Blog Tour Schedule for The Joke's on Me

Wednesday, July 20: About the book and writing, with Karen Cioffi at http://www.karencioffiwritingandmarke...

Thursday, July 21: About what inspired the book, with Rashmi Srinivas at A Book Blogger's Diary at http://abookbloggersdiary.blogspot.com

Friday, July 22: I'll answer a few interesting questions from Stephanie Burkhart at Romance Under The Moonlight. http://sgcardin.blogspot.com

Wednesday, July 27: Spending some time with Penny Ehrenkranz at http://www.pennylockwoodehrenkranz.bl...

Monday, August 3:  I get to hang out all week with Shelley Workinger and talk about food at But What Are They Eating? http://bookfare.blogspot.com

More dates to come!

The Keep: A Review

Because I loved A Visit from the Goon Squad, I went straight to my library to find Jennifer Egan's earlier works. The Keep, published in 2006, is another example of how brilliant she is with flawed and sometimes unlikable characters. As I wrote in my review of Goon Squad, we can still love and root for unlikable characters if the author treats them with compassion and makes us empathize with them. This is a tricky tightrope. Jonathan Franzen, in my opinion, failed at that in Freedom. He built a universe of flawed characters, but his judgment of them was palpable. Not so with The Keep, where Egan's compassion shines through.

The story begins when Danny, the "cool" kid whose adulthood has left him wanting, is reunited with his socially backward, nebbishy cousin, Howie, after twenty years. The last time Danny saw Howie was at a family picnic, where Danny and some other kids had abandoned Howie in a deep, frightening cave. Now cool, tanned, blond, and a millionaire, Howie has purchased a castle in Germany and invites Danny to help him renovate it.

To give away any more of the plot would spoil a tale with some well-done twists and turns. The Keep is a fascinatingly circular story, tantalizingly creepy, and plays out like a snake, winding around to bite its own tail. The point of view characters are definitely flawed, absolutely well drawn, and I had complete empathy for them.

This is another example of Egan's gleeful rule breaking and terrific writing. For aspiring authors, it's a great teaching tool, as is Goon Squad.

I'm looking forward to finding the rest of her work.

Give the MLB All-Star Game to the Minors

David "Big Papi" Ortiz celebrating another long ball...

I love the Home Run Derby. A fairly recent addition to the All-Star Game festivities (it's televised tonight, at 8PM, check your local listings), it pits the big bats, like David Ortiz and Prince Fielder, head-to-head in a contest to see, you guessed it, who can hit the most homers. It's fun. It's a family thing. Some of the players bring their small children onto the field with them, and they sit together on the sidelines in special tiny uniforms. I could squeal from the adorableness of it. Even though David Wright was never quite the same hitter after whacking a record 16 home runs in the first round of the 2006 competition, the HRD is one of my favorite pro sports events of the year. ('Cause according to Tom Glavine and Greg Maddux, "chicks dig the long ball.")

But the All-Star game itself? It's become a charade. Who cares who gets voted in? Who cares that your kid voted, like, a thousand times for Derek Jeter, C.C. Sabathia, Mariana Rivera, José Reyes, Justin Verlander, A-Rod, or Chipper Jones? They've already been yanked out, substitutes announced, either because their managers don't want to risk injury to their superstar players, or, in the case of José Reyes and Alex Rodriguez, they're already injured.

And if the superstar pitchers nominated by the managers of their respective teams have pitched in the last couple of games before the break, like Rivera and Sabathia, they are automatically yanked because of rules Major League baseball has set up to protect the pitchers.

I understand injury prevention. I'm a Mets fan. Half our team is injured at any point in the season. We just lost José Reyes, the team sparkplug, to a hamstring pull. Even if he was healthy, he might've been yanked. What manager these days wants to risk their best players for a game that essentially doesn't count, is nothing but PR?

But if the superstars aren't going to come out, that not very good PR.

So I think they should ditch the All-Star game altogether. Save our overpaid thoroughbreds for the pennant races. And how about using all that great media time and goodwill (and still give Major League players a few days off midseason) to highlight the accomplishments of minor league ball players? How about an All-Star game for the guys coming up? I still crow about watching José Reyes play for the Binghamton Mets, before the Mets drafted him. Wouldn't it be great to see, in prime time, the next A-Rod? The next Derek Jeter? These guys work hard, often on their own time, or for not very much money. Give them a shot at the big time, or a bonus; give them some publicity, a big hand for how hard they work, and let the MLB superstars spend the break on ice.

I'd definitely watch that.

The Not-So-Great Gatsby: A Literary Abomination

In a brilliant blog post yesterday, film critic Roger Ebert lays into Macmillan Reader Editions for putting out a "dumbed down" version of The Great Gatsby. This series, apparently, is designed to relieve high school students of that nasty responsibility of parsing complex sentences and ideas by spoon-feeding the text to them with fewer (and shorter) words and none of those pesky metaphors, similes, or allusions.

Which, according to Ebert, defeats the purpose of reading great literature. Or, as he puts it,

"There is no purpose in 'reading' The Great Gatsby unless you actually read it. Fitzgerald's novel is not about a story. It is about how the story is told. Its poetry, its message, its evocation of Gatsby's lost American dream, is expressed in Fitzgerald's style–in the precise words he choose to write what some consider the great American novel. Unless you have read them, you have not read the book at all. You have been imprisoned in an educational system that cheats and insults you by inflicting a barbaric dumbing-down process. You are left with the impression of having read a book, and may never feel you need return for a closer look."

Along with doing our children a great disservice by stripping from them the opportunity to learn and to stretch their minds, I fear that this edition of Gatsby (and, God help me, other "retellings") could set up a lifetime aversion to challenging reading. This is bad for the individual and does not bode well for our culture. Breaking down classic literature into "manageable" plot lines is as wrong-headed as censorship. Both crimes prevent readers from experiencing an author's vision of the world and its inhabitants as he or she intended.

But, you may be saying, isn't it better to offer students a book they can easily read and regurgitate for good test scores rather than giving them one that's too challenging?

No. No, no, no, no, no.

Sure, I wasn't wild about Shakespeare in high school. Mainly because I hated the idea of someone telling me what I should be reading. I hated the personal agendas of certain English teachers. But I'm grateful for the gift of great literature. I learned how to read critically. I learned about different cultures. In my little corner of nearly all-white exurbia, I learned about the world.

Through reading I also learned how to write, because reading the masters is how we get better. Reading amazing books like The Great Gatsby, The Grapes of Wrath, Catcher in the Rye, and A Visit from the Goon Squad, for a modern example, make me want to be a better writer.

Greatness begets greatness, in my opinion. Part of the teaching of great authors involves a study of their artistic influences. Or, as Isaac Newton wrote, "If I have seen further than others, it was only by standing upon the shoulders of giants." How can a new generation see further if they're standing on the bare, osteoporotic bones of plot summation?

Food Fight on the Fourth

Every Independence Day since 1916, Nathan's Famous has sponsored their International Fourth of July Hot Dog Eating Contest at Coney Island. But don't for a minute think these contestants are simply a bunch of big dudes who can pack away a lot of food. This is serious business. They call themselves "competitive eaters" (I only thought this referred to trying to get seconds on Thanksgiving before my (at the time) teenaged stepbrothers devoured the whole spread.) Most belong to an organization called Major League Eating, and membership is required if you want to belly up to the barbecue at the Coney Island gorge fest.

Reigning champion is Joey "Jaws" Chestnut, who once packed away sixty-eight hot dogs and buns in ten minutes. He is the perennial favorite in these competitions, and he doesn't stop with frankfurters: he once ate over nine pounds of deep-fried asparagus spears in ten minutes, among other stomach-churning feats.

This year's Coney Island culinary sprint, however, is going to be a little different. For the first time, women will have their own division. They claim that men have a competitive advantage by being larger, although some of these women, (including Sonya "Black Widow" Thomas, who once downed thirty-six dogs and buns) are no slouches when it comes to shoving food down their gullets. This gives women an opportunity to earn the competition's coveted "Mustard Yellow International Belt" and prize money.

While part of me welcomes gender equality in competitions of wretched excess, the other part thinks this is ridiculous, dangerous, and another example of why certain people in certain parts of the world hate us. Especially the ones who are starving, and would probably do many immoral and illegal things for just one of those links. Especially because several of these contestants are from China, a place where a heck of a lot of people don't get enough to eat. (Then again, maybe a childhood of deprivation is why they compete.)

I don't think Nathan's ever intended this contest to be anything more than a fun publicity grab, and don't get me wrong, I'm a big fan of fun and don't want to poop on anyone's parade. But every year this deal seems to be in poorer and poorer taste. I would love to see the company donate the equivalent of the hot dogs consumed to any number of charities that help the hungry. It can still be fun, and the heavy hitters can earn their prize money (which they would undoubtedly spend on Pepto-Bismol, a sponsor of the League, and a good medical savings account for years down the road when their digestive systems explode.) And, Nathan's can look like good guys doing it for charity.

Meanwhile, it's like a seventeen-car pile up on the highway: hard to look at, but impossible to turn away.

(Note: no crotch-tweeting former legislators were gratuitously lampooned in the making of this post, even though the writer desperately wanted to.)

Me from A to Z

My friend Sally posted this exercise on her blog, and I loved it. Soon I'll be doing interviews, so I figure this was a way of dipping my toe into soul-baring waters. Or just to have fun. If you like this, maybe you'll want to try your own.

Me from A to Z

Age: 49. But in cat years, I'm a mere child.

Bed Size: King. Which is not as great as it's cracked up to be. And king sheets cost more.

Chore You Hate:  Waxing anything.

Dogs:  Can't have one right now, which makes me sad. But if I could have one, he or she would be cuddly, toilet-trained, shed-proof, antibacterial, and would whip up a mean margarita.

Essential Start of Your Day:  Slow, deep breathing before I get out of bed. It helps relax my muscles and get more oxygen into my body, to help wake me up.

Favorite Color: I'm a purple person.

Gold or Silver:  Bronze. There's less pressure when you come in third.

Height: 5'3-1/2″

Instruments You Play(ed):  Piano, recorder, and two or three chords on the guitar, but I've forgotten it all. Everyone else in my family got the music gene.

Job Title: Ghostwriter. Author. Typo hunter. Finder of Husband's inhaler. Schedule coordinator.

Kids:  What? I was supposed to have kids? I didn't see that in the contract.

Live:  In my head most of the time.

Mom's Name: Brenda. Or just, you know, mom. She answers to both.

Nicknames:  They were horrible. Kids are mean. And very creative.

Overnight Hospital Stays:  Ask me again after a few of Spot's margaritas.

Pet Peeve:  Inappropriate cell phone use.  You know, to keep a table level or scrape your windshield. That really pisses me off.

Quote From a Movie: "Some days you win. Some days you lose. Some days it rains." (Bull Durham)

Right or Left-Handed: Left

Siblings:  Two biological brothers. Six step brothers and one stepsister. So you can pretty much torment me all you want–I can take it.

Time You Wake Up:  Whenever the drugs wear off.

Underwear:   Not right now, but usually.

Veggie You Dislike:  Lima beans. Yuck. Okra. Yuckier.

What Makes You Run Late: Husband doing laps around the house making sure he hasn't forgotten anything, and turning down thermostats.

X-Rays You Have Had:  Right thumb, broken at 9 when a bunk bed ladder fell on it while I was trying to get a recalcitrant cat out from under the bed. Karma's a bitch. Left middle finger, after unfortunate encounter with an X-acto knife. The knife won. Entire spine, at one point or another, and dental x-rays.

Yummy Food You Make: Lentil soup! I've been making this recipe since I was a starving, broke college student because it's cheap, nutritious and filling. And it goes great with cornbread. I will never touch another packet of Ramen noodles, but I can eat lentil soup every day.

Zoo Animal You Like Best:  Penguins! I'm not thrilled that any animal is in a zoo, but these little guys have stolen my heart. What does it mean the penguin is my totem animal?

If you don't want to try this yourself, just try picking one letter and answering that question in the comments below.

A Brief Bit of Career Advice For Anthony Weiner

Boy, working in Congress these days is hard! The hours can be long, it's got a high turnover rate and you have to read lots of stuff (well, at least hire people to read stuff for you), but it's got a totally rad gym where you can take partially-naked pictures of yourself to send to strangers. Now another of its brethren finds itself caught red-handed then pink-slipped. And unfortunately, the only jobs Weiner has ever had were in politics. Unless he wants to take up Larry Flynt on his offer or nab that gig with Entourage, he may need some career coaching. Until he can worm his way back into his constituent's and Nancy Pelosi's hearts, perhaps he might want to take one of these interim positions uniquely suited to his particular skills:

1. Underwear model. At least we know he wears some.

2. Photographer's assistant. He's already an amateur set dresser.

3. Social media consultant. Many a Police Department has called upon the consulting services of an ex-con to help catch bad guys. Weiner could tour colleges, professional sports teams, and other government entities, scaring them straight with his tales of social media gone awry.

4. United Nations Ambassador to France. Because over there they seem to care less about the manner in which you conduct your private parts.

5. Cast member of Hair. Already accustomed to public nudity.

6. Fitness coach. Hey, Richard Simmons isn't getting any younger.

Have any other suggestions for our newest member of the "I've Been Debriefed By Congress" Club?

Bloggers Ball

  Hi, everyone! I recently joined a community of fierce, fabulous writers at SheWrites.com. Meg Waite Clayton of 1stBooks  thought that we could take this weekend to visit other members blogs. Click on the bookcase and come dance with us!

How to Heighten the Tension In Your Novel

Your novel's protagonist has a goal. It could be as simple as bouncing back from heartache or as complex as saving the world from an evil genius and his army of giant, irradiated Madagascar hissing cockroaches. But if your character achieves his or her goals too quickly or too easily, it will make for pretty boring reading, and mire you in that dreaded dead zone of a manuscript: the sagging middle. Here's how you can raise the stakes and heighten the tension:

1.  Toss in a good, old-fashioned monkey wrench. Imagine your protagonist is a bored kindergarten teacher who teams up with her father, a retired detective, to solve mysteries on her summer break. She agrees to meet a potential source in a dicey neighborhood. But she gets lost. Yes, she has a high-tech GPS gizmo that will help her find the address in a trice, but how much fun would it be if everything went according to plan? Have her leave it in her father's car. Or break it. How else could she meet that sort-of creepy guy on the corner who gives her directions and ends up being an undercover cop who saves her life?

2.  Let things go terribly wrong. It's hard, I know, to see any pain befall your beloved protagonist or secondary actors. But adversity can build character. Does the kindergarten teacher quit the case because someone tosses a brick through her window, poisons her dog, or tries to shoot her or her father? Or does this just double her resolve to see justice done?

3. Add a few unintended consequences. The kindergarten teacher's mother, hating the whole idea of her daughter traipsing off to God-knows-what dangers with her obsessed husband, and worried sick when it's one in the morning and she hasn't returned, drives off into the night to find her. She makes an inquiry to the wrong person at a seedy bar. The bad guys kidnap her to force the kindergarten teacher off their tails. Okay…now what is our fearless detective to do?

4. Always ask, "What if?" Mom is no slouch. She tries to escape from the bad guys, using the lock-picking skills she developed while a student at a very unusual boarding school for girls. What if she gets out of the shed in which she'd been held prisoner, only to overhear the bad guys planning their next heist? They desperately lack a safe-cracker. What if she goes rogue and joins them? What does she have to do to convince them she's on their side?

5. Let a character hit bottom. Eleanor Roosevelt once said, "A woman is like a tea bag–you never know how strong she is until gets in hot water." In our kindergarten teacher's story, perhaps all looks lost. Her mother has gone to the dark side. Her father is drinking again. And someone just blew up her car, broke into her apartment and rearranged all of the jars in her spice rack. As she's calling the police, she hears footsteps. She turns to see a man with a gun. It's her ex-husband, a sketchy dude, but the love of her life. He assaults her, steals her purse and takes off, leaving her bloodied on the living room floor. Now what? Okay, she's allowed to brush away a few tears (she's only human), but a strong protagonist in a situation like this will rise to the occasion. She'll solve the mystery. She'll give that bastard what he deserves and clear her mother's name. Then she can collapse, perhaps in the arms of her now-sober father, and gather her strength for the sequel.

How's your middle these days? A little soft? How do you raise the stakes for your characters?

Guest Posting Today

Come show me some love today at my publisher's blog, 4RV Reading, Writing, & Art News. Read about what your protagonists really want.