Elizabeth Dutton's Blog, page 13

Giving thanks

I love Thanksgiving. Not because of the food (although turkey sandwiches are pretty much aces in my book), but because it's just all about getting together with family (immediate, extended, or self-created) and enjoying each other's company and being thankful for everything we have. I love any moment of gratitude, especially one that focuses on items often overlooked. It's easy to say you are grateful for your health or a roof over your head, but it's pretty powerful to focus in on the specifics of these things — to give thanks for waking up this morning, for taking a breath, for walking or carrying things, for having a place to call home and rest your head at night.

The non-awesome half of my awesome/non-awesome lists aren't complaints, really. Rather they are just things that aren't as awesome as others. And I am even thankful for these non-awesome items because without them, it would be harder to recognize the truly wonderful things we encounter in this life. We need the dark to appreciate and understand the light.

So in the sprit of my love of lists, here are the things I am currently, in this moment (because let's not forget that this moment right now is all we really have), deeply thankful for:

-beautiful words (the ones that float in your head and that you want to roll around on your tongue)

-chairs, especially comfortable ones

-reading glasses, so that I may read without headaches

-bright colors

-people who pass their happiness on to others

-people who let me into their lives and encourage me to let others into mine

-people who are patient with me and my weirdness and anxiety and looniness and eccentricities

-people who are difficult or cruel, because it's a reminder to always be compassionate and forgiving

-people who like adventures

-adventures, especially unexpected ones or those that come disguised as a problem

-pets and their unconditional love

-music that means something to me

-people who make me laugh

-my family my family my family — I love them more than they'll ever know

-my friends my friend my friends — they are my family, too, and I adore them because they are all gorgeous geniuses

-computers and technology

-games and puzzles

-the US Postal Service

-people who agree with me and people who disagree with me

-books

-sleep

-fresh fruits and vegetables

-creative people who don't care what anyone thinks about the way they live their lives

-my students, especially when they test my patience (because I need to remember to be patient)

-works of art, in all iterations (even the ones that don't immediately strike my fancy)

-my health and the meds that keep me truckin'

-spell check

-oceans

-stars

-epiphanies

-perspective

-just to be right here

-smiles

-you

I hope you all have a really joyous and meaningful Thanksgiving, both on Thursday and every day.

xo

In case you were wondering

Here's what I've been up to lately:

1. Caring for my elderly dog who is too stubborn to rest when he is hurt.

2. Talking to all my dogs and cats in the Gloria from "Modern Family" voice. It's been well-received. Aw, who am I kidding? They don't notice.

3. Working working working working working working.

4. Cleaning up broken mirrors.

houndzooks

 

awesome:

hot wings

autumn leaves

board games

good tv (aka "my stories" or "garbage on the telephonevision")

funny texts

new books on deck for winter break (1Q84 and The Prague Cemetery await me)

kindred spirits

photos from afar

non-awesome:

high school students

insomnia

watching Oakland struggle when it shouldn't have to

politics

working all the time, but never making money

being my own worst enemy

not being able to just let go

Ending the day

Was a rough, long week. And it's only Thursday.

I got home from teaching a class at about 9 tonight. There is rain on the way, so it's not as cold as it's been at night. Sharp air means sharp views of the stars — that's the only benefit of evening temperatures that flirt with freezing.

I normally don't teach on Thursday nights, but I am covering a course for a woman who took time off to be with her husband as he fights for his life. It's one of those times when I wish there was something I could actually do aside from telling her I am keeping them in my thoughts or sending good energy.  I always want to fix things, find a solution. My family is kind to me in that they let me fix the problems, solve the riddles. This is no riddle, though. It's just life.

I got home and pulled into the back driveway, rolled through the tunnel of trees to get to my cottage. Halfway down the drive a fat rabbit, a furry bubble the color of untreated wood, stared wide-eyed into my headlights then hopped off into the bushes. I parked my car and walked back out to the street to fetch the emptied garbage can. The woods smelled like unlit incense. I wanted to just stand out there all night. Just me and the rabbits.

Sometimes I feel, for just a brief moment, like I am on the brink of something incredible. Like I am about to round some sort of corner into unfathomable amazingness. Then the moment passes. I want that moment all the time. I want unlit incense woods and rabbits and thrilling possibility to be my constant.

Nothing, though, is constant. Everything changes and everything ends. But with endings come beginnings. So I end this day and see what the next brings.

It's bound to be unfathomable amazingness one of these days.

Here's the thing: Grammar Hammer

I have always been an anxious person. It's just my nature. Part of that anxiety is in making sure everything is in its right place. Not in an OCD kind of way, but more in a "hoping against hope at controlling the chaos around me" kind of way. Despite being raised by a commie/hippie/eccentric/subversive/bank lawyer(huh?)/bohemian family, I like rules. But I also hate rules. I think that's the Irish Catholic in me. We are a complex people. One set of rules I have always respected, yet at times flouted, is basic English grammar. I've had a copy of Elements of Style since grade school. It's not so much that I love the restrictions of it all. More than anything, I just don't want people to find out that I am an idiot. Play by the rules, jump through the hoops, get your message across.

I now find myself grading college essays and noticing every slip of the comma, every pronoun in disagreement with its antecedent. This dogged pursuit of errors in grammar and mechanics is now bleeding over into my everyday life.

Here's the thing: I have become a really annoying person. I mean, I have always been annoying but now I am starting to annoy myself. I am a full-time grammar officer and it is causing me great distress. I want to be breezy and without concern for properly placed apostrophes. But no.

There's a sign in front of a church I pass on my way to work. It recently read: "JESUS LISTENS WHEN YOUR ON YOUR KNEES" This is the least egregious of their misadventures in English (and I won't even get started on their fetishization of the American flag…). However, this announcement of theirs irritated the ever-loving shit out of me. Every. Single. Morning.

This glaring error made me very anxious. It has nothing to do with me and I should just let it go. I mean, who really cares? And I suppose people understand what they are trying to say. But maybe this little erosion in language skills is part of the reason I grade essays that are littered with idiotic mistakes. LOOSE AND LOSE ARE TWO DIFFERENT WORDS. ITS DOES NOT MEAN THE SAME THING AS IT'S. THERE IS NEVER A NEED FOR A COMMA BETWEEN THE SUBJECT AND THE VERB IN A SIMPLE SENTENCE. These little errors add up and pretty soon we are living in "Idiocracy." (To be honest, I think we already are…)

I want to dress up like the Angel Gabriel and come bursting in that church one day, trumpet a-blaring, to deliver the message that "your" is possessive (and not by the devil) and "you're" is a contraction of "you are." I understand that maybe they didn't have enough space on the sign board or maybe there wasn't an extra "E" floating around, but then say something else and say it correctly.

The nuns in high school used to remind us that sloth, a deadly sin, wasn't just physical but also intellectual sloth. We have these brains, so let us use them. So says the lady rambling away on her blog. So says the non-practicing Catholic. So says the pseudo-Buddhist. I have now, once more, annoyed myself. Deepest apologies if I've annoyed you, too.

You know I love you.

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Here's the thing: More Than Words

I bet you thought I was going to Bettencourt your ass with some Extreme. Not today, loves.

Here's the thing: I love taking pictures, even though I know nothing about photography and have no idea what I am doing. Fits well with my whole dedication to dilettante-ism.

So here are the things I am all about lately:

 

 

sunsets

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photofunia.com

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

fog juice

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

dogs wearing novelty glasses

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lights in trees

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

mushroom colonies

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My meditations

I have developed a series of meditations/mantras to help me get through the day. If I may, I would like to share some of them with you here:

 

Radiate loving kindness.

You are unable to slap people through a television monitor, so stop imagining it.

You never know what someone else is going through, so cut everyone some slack.

Cheddar Chex Mix is not an appropriate lunch.

Drink more water.

Please let my car start, please let my car start.

Don't hate the player, hate the game. Or in the case of professional football, hate the game and the fans.

It's good to live every day like it's your last, but that doesn't mean you can stop wearing pants.

Reject the trivial and superficial; embrace the authentic and substantial.

PCP jokes are always funny.

 

 

Namaste, booty scooters.

 

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Smiling in the library and listening to good music and…

Tomorrow, I'll be appearing at my local library for a reading/book-signing/book-selling. I think it's going to be a lot of fun. I'll be supplying s'mores cupcakes for the masses, so there's that. I've gotten over my fear of speaking in front of people by teaching English Composition for the last couple of years to masses of students who seem to not hate me at the end of the semester. And they usually like my jokes. As for tomorrow, I figure I'll wash and brush my hair, put on some clean clothes, head over to the library and read and laugh and smile and it will be a great way to spend a Friday afternoon.

 

For those of you (read:none) who wonder what I am listening to at the moment, the answer is : Metals by Feist. It's her new album and it's BEYOND. I just can't handle how great it is. Do yourself a favor and get the album. And my book. And maybe drink a glass of water, too. I am all about keeping hydrated. Everyone should drink more water.

 

So to sum up:

 

library

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

cupcakes

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Feist

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

1,033 Reasons To Smile

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

water

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

xo and xo to all

Greatest of all time

This short film is pretty much the best thing ever:

 

Las Palmas

 

 

 

 

 

Here's the thing: two words

S'MORES CUPCAKE. 

I mean…really.

 

 

 

Here's the thing: This should be criminal, it's so good. A layer of graham cracker, a layer of chocolate, chocolate cake, marshmallow frosting brûlée. The taste is so delightful and perfect, you'll want to punch someone.

 

I am having a reading on Friday at the local library. It's at noon and you bring a bag lunch. I'll be providing the above cupcakes. No punching, though, please.