Elizabeth Dutton's Blog, page 12

cold and sunny

 

 

awesome:

caller ID

comeback stories

British mystery novels

cough drops

 

non-awesome:

the goddamn common cold

 

 

my hair grew long and my heart grew cold

Here's the thing: Under pressure

I am working a rather insane schedule lately, packed with 12 hour days and very few breaks (if any). But I am not exhausted. I am actually thrilled. I love what I am doing and I feel a great sense of relaxation in this hard work.

 

I don't deal well with stress or pressure. I am a naturally anxious person – that's just who I am. One would think I'd be a wreck right now, what with all this work. The work, though, is so fulfilling that I actually enjoy pretty much every moment of it. I am teaching and listening and helping and relating and laughing and contributing. I also live in a place (geographically, physically, emotionally, spiritually, intellectually, mentally, goofily) that allows me to be me – which is happy. Content. Here.

 

I find that living in a rural environment removes the tension and stressors in my life that were damaging to both participate in and resist. I've gone from having everything I could ever want, whenever I wanted it, right at my fingertips to a much slower pace. For me, that is a more human pace, a more manageable pace. I may not be able to see my favorite bands play live or get a decent burrito, but as I drove in to work this morning and watched the sun steam the frost off of sleeping fields, I knew I wouldn't want to be anywhere else.

 

This isn't for everyone, this dropping out business. For me, though, it has created a monumental shift in perspective and priorities. What was once important to me is trivial. What I took for granted I now relish (i.e. lattes). I feel like I have a deeper appreciation for all things, which also brings a certain kindness/softness to all I do. My interactions with students, coworkers, friends, neighbors, and strangers are open and real. There's no posturing on anybody's part. None of us are thinking of angles or benefits or anything other than the human interaction at hand. My former urban self would have seen this as naïve or somehow lacking savvy. I see it now as genuine, authentic, true, comfortable.

 

Here's the thing: everyone has to find the place where he or she can just BE. The place that nurtures and never judges. Here's a big secret, though: that place is already in all of us. We carry it around with us all the time. But sometimes we need to put ourselves in an environment that assists us in knowing this truth. Then it's not a secret anymore. It's just life.

 

Namaste, assholes. You know I love you.

Who rescues the rescuer?

Five songs I love right now

 

 

Here are some songs that I love right now. Some are old. Some are new.  Maybe you'll enjoy them, too. La dee dahhhhhh dah dahhhhhh.

(Click 'em and check 'em)

 

"Tuck the Darkness In" by Bowerbirds

"The Undiscovered First" by Feist

"Seabirds" by Monahans

"Jesus Just Left Chicago" by ZZ Top

"Postcards From Italy" by Beirut

 

oh, and…

xo

t.e.n.

Another poem. This time about how my brain doesn't work. And ancient Russian dead languages.

t.e.n.

 God's arrow, ten is your name
This arrow is God's own
The God directs judgment.
                        Birch Bark Letter No. 292

 

I will walk overland from Olonets

I'll go to the shores of Onega

Birch bark message in hand

Dash my knuckles on the blushed granite

Slip silent on the water to the shore

Of an island where the sweet scent of larch oil clings to breaths of fog.

 

This arrow

It has a name now and is owned.

Controlled.

Electric and yet so human

dashing roughshod through our skies our clouds our limbs our brains.

This arrow fells trees, men.

All that remains is a blackened hole

burn-rotting the core of a massive spruce

smudging out fractions of memories, moments.

To assign a name to the nameless

is to pin it down.

Limit.

This arrow needs a limit.

And I, a tree with no scars.

 

Destruction of the tangible is its own horror.

Horror has a place in nature.

It is the devastation of what we cannot see or prove

what we only feel

that is true havoc, true madness.

True madness must be contained.

 

I will walk overland from Olonets to Onega

tell the islands

tell the shoreline

all the way to Medvezhyegorsk.

Deliver the Charter Letter –

confine with a name so that I may be set free.

 

12.22.10

Uncomfortable truths

 

 

 

The only universal accomplishment all humans achieve is death.

Everyone is basically a poop factory.

People (ALL people) are really, really beautiful if you look at them for a long time and get to know them.

The perfect holiday gift for everybody

 

 

 

 

This is the perfect holiday/birthday/wedding/anniversary/get-well/condolences/bar or bat mitzvah/house-warming/congratulations/graduation/confirmation/hibernation/United Nations/just because/Oprah wants you to celebrate and honor your spirit/so glad the rash cleared up/Valentine's/Occupy/apology gift EVER on the face of the Earth. Seriously: it's inexpensive, it's upbeat, it's guaranteed to make the recipient smile, it's cute, it's totally indie (that means independent publisher and perhaps also a little evocative of Indiana Jones), it's light reading, and it benefits the mentally ill (me). So buy one and tell a friend. Tweet your twit brigade. Let's see some hustle out there, guys!

*smacks your rear in a very non-Sandusky-ish way*

 

You can buy it:

HERE

or

HERE

 

Thank you! I love you!

#AintTooProudToBeg

 

sniffle weather

 

 

 

 

 

AWESOME:

orange and carrot juice blend

abalone costume jewelry

man, just costume jewelry

filling the bird feeders for winter

progress

being able to just let go of the past

 

NON-AWESOME:

complainers

pretending to care about MLA format and citation

the sniffles

not being right on the ocean

Totally unrelated. Totally.

Totally unrelated to the image:

I was driving home the other night and saw something move up ahead of me and off to my left. I soon realized it was a deer. They run across the roads a lot here, trying to make their way from one safe wooded spot to another. They cause a lot of accidents along the way and the drive to and from work almost always includes passing a dead deer on the side of the road. So I guess I was already sort of on alert for one. I was driving and it was dark and I saw something moving up ahead, crossing the highway. The deer slipped in and out of the darkness as it ran, making it seem like a sort of apparition. Just brown/gray streaks of movement and then there is was — about a car length ahead of me on the pavement, running as fast as it could to make it to the woods on my right. I hit the brakes and it was already across the road. Less like a near miss and more like a dream, some sort of vision. Lucky night for us both.

And on another totally unrelated note, I will announce to you the things I think are awesome and the things that are non-awesome right about now.

awesome:

detective novels

iPod on shuffle playing CSN followed by Murder City Devils and it totally worked

rad new friends

asparagus

my trusty Levi's denim jacket

my brother (he is permanently on this list)

non-awesome:

student essay about a horse getting hit by a car

when I can't fix or help the people I wish I could fix or help

chapped lips

my laziness