Sherry Ellis's Blog, page 63
February 27, 2014
Doctor Dog
We haven't had a story about Schultz, my hundred pound German Shepherd, for a while. He's been rather mellow, lately. Not today.
Today, I had a blasting headache, and wasn't feeling too good. So I did something a little out of the ordinary. I lay down on the sofa to rest. Schultz came over, sat down, and stared at me. I closed my eyes and ignored him. What did he do? He got up and sniffed me. His big, wet nose was about an inch from my face.
"Schultz, leave me alone," I said.
He gave my cheek a lick with his big, pink tongue.
I turned my head. "Go away!"
He stared at me for about five seconds and then went over to his bowl of water. Slurp, slurp, slurp! I knew what was coming next.
Two seconds later, he was standing over me, water dripping off his enormous jowls onto my face.
"Schultz!" I bellowed, bolting upright. "What the heck?"
I got up and gave him my mean mommy look.
He gave me one of his silly grins, with his tongue hanging out of the side of his mouth. He was obviously quite pleased with himself.
I shook my head. "Thanks, Doctor Dog. I'm standing upright, again. You fixed me!"
He wagged his tail and trotted off.
Today, I had a blasting headache, and wasn't feeling too good. So I did something a little out of the ordinary. I lay down on the sofa to rest. Schultz came over, sat down, and stared at me. I closed my eyes and ignored him. What did he do? He got up and sniffed me. His big, wet nose was about an inch from my face.
"Schultz, leave me alone," I said.
He gave my cheek a lick with his big, pink tongue.
I turned my head. "Go away!"
He stared at me for about five seconds and then went over to his bowl of water. Slurp, slurp, slurp! I knew what was coming next.
Two seconds later, he was standing over me, water dripping off his enormous jowls onto my face.
"Schultz!" I bellowed, bolting upright. "What the heck?"
I got up and gave him my mean mommy look.
He gave me one of his silly grins, with his tongue hanging out of the side of his mouth. He was obviously quite pleased with himself.
I shook my head. "Thanks, Doctor Dog. I'm standing upright, again. You fixed me!"
He wagged his tail and trotted off.
February 25, 2014
Mister Lucky
If you read my last post, you know my son, Bubba, broke his wrist. His arm is in a cast. This hasn't stopped him from having fun.
He was invited to a birthday party for one of his friends - a bowling party.
"Are you sure you want to go?" I asked. "We could just drop off the present and come home."
He looked at me like I had three eyeballs. "Are you crazy, Mama? I'm going. And I'm bowling!"
All right, then.
I brought him to the bowling alley and stayed for a little while, just to make sure he was okay. The boy got on his bowling shoes (with a little help), and grabbed a ball. This was a major challenge because he broke his dominant wrist. I thought for sure he was going to drop the ball on his big toe and break that! But no. He wobbled to the lane and heaved the ball on to it. I watched as it snaked along, bumping into the gutter guards.
There's no way he's going to get even one pin down, I thought.
Boy, was I wrong! On the last bounce off the gutter guard, it made a dead aim for the center pin...and knocked all of them down!
I was in a complete state of disbelief.
Bubba turned around and gave me a big grin. "See, Mama. I'm even better with a broken wrist!"
He was invited to a birthday party for one of his friends - a bowling party.
"Are you sure you want to go?" I asked. "We could just drop off the present and come home."
He looked at me like I had three eyeballs. "Are you crazy, Mama? I'm going. And I'm bowling!"
All right, then.
I brought him to the bowling alley and stayed for a little while, just to make sure he was okay. The boy got on his bowling shoes (with a little help), and grabbed a ball. This was a major challenge because he broke his dominant wrist. I thought for sure he was going to drop the ball on his big toe and break that! But no. He wobbled to the lane and heaved the ball on to it. I watched as it snaked along, bumping into the gutter guards.
There's no way he's going to get even one pin down, I thought.
Boy, was I wrong! On the last bounce off the gutter guard, it made a dead aim for the center pin...and knocked all of them down!
I was in a complete state of disbelief.
Bubba turned around and gave me a big grin. "See, Mama. I'm even better with a broken wrist!"
February 22, 2014
One-armed Pirate
Yesterday, my son had a little accident with his scooter and broke his wrist. He's now sporting a cast and sling. Needless to say, it's a little tough for him to do basic things, like get dressed and write his name.
"Mama, I need a little help here," he said.
"What do you need, Bubba?"
"Help getting my shirt on." We struggled at least five minutes, trying to get it on. Finally, his arm was through the sleeve.
"Mama, is this how it is for pirates?"
I looked at the boy a little funny. "What do you mean?"
"Like Captain Hook. He had a hook instead of a hand. And Long John Silver. He had a peg instead of a leg. They must've had a hard time getting dressed!"
"Well, Bubba, I hadn't really thought of it, but now that you mention it, they probably did have a hard time. "
A few minutes later, my boy had to sign a birthday card for one of his friends. I looked at the chicken scratch when he was done. It looked like more than his name, but I couldn't figure out what it said, because it was so illegible.
"Dude, what are you trying to say, here?"
"It's my name, Mama: Bubba, the one-armed pirate!"
"Mama, I need a little help here," he said.
"What do you need, Bubba?"
"Help getting my shirt on." We struggled at least five minutes, trying to get it on. Finally, his arm was through the sleeve.
"Mama, is this how it is for pirates?"
I looked at the boy a little funny. "What do you mean?"
"Like Captain Hook. He had a hook instead of a hand. And Long John Silver. He had a peg instead of a leg. They must've had a hard time getting dressed!"
"Well, Bubba, I hadn't really thought of it, but now that you mention it, they probably did have a hard time. "
A few minutes later, my boy had to sign a birthday card for one of his friends. I looked at the chicken scratch when he was done. It looked like more than his name, but I couldn't figure out what it said, because it was so illegible.
"Dude, what are you trying to say, here?"
"It's my name, Mama: Bubba, the one-armed pirate!"
February 21, 2014
Mama DNA
I was driving my kids to the craft store to get some material for my daughter's school project. We went along merrily (or as merrily as we could in the Atlanta traffic). Suddenly, I felt a tug on my hair. Then a pinch.
The passenger behind me was pulling my hair. That passenger was none other than my nine-year-old son, Bubba.
"Dude, what did you do that for?" I glared at him in the rear-view mirror.
He was grinning from ear to ear. "I have some Mama DNA now." He held up a few strands of my long, brown hair.
I shook my head and rolled my eyes. "What are you going to do with Mama DNA?"
He thought about that. "Clone you? You always say you need more of you to get everything done." Then he shook his head. Apparently he had a second thought. "But that would mean more grouchy Mamas."
Uh huh. And he definitely would not want more of those!
The passenger behind me was pulling my hair. That passenger was none other than my nine-year-old son, Bubba.
"Dude, what did you do that for?" I glared at him in the rear-view mirror.
He was grinning from ear to ear. "I have some Mama DNA now." He held up a few strands of my long, brown hair.
I shook my head and rolled my eyes. "What are you going to do with Mama DNA?"
He thought about that. "Clone you? You always say you need more of you to get everything done." Then he shook his head. Apparently he had a second thought. "But that would mean more grouchy Mamas."
Uh huh. And he definitely would not want more of those!
February 20, 2014
Travelling Lemonade Stand
My nine-year-old son decided it would be a good idea to have a lemonade stand. He set one up in the driveway and waited for customers to arrive. He waited. And waited. And waited. Not one customer showed up.
Then he had a brilliant idea: Take the lemonade stand to the customers. He poured a cup of lemonade and walked to our neighbor's house.
"Would you like to buy some lemonade?"
The neighbor smiled and agreed to the purchase.
The boy went to the next house. Same thing. He kept going, back and forth, until he was out of lemonade.
When he came back into the house, he dumped is coin cup on the table. He had made almost ten dollars. "See, Mama? It was a good day for a lemonade stand!"
Then he had a brilliant idea: Take the lemonade stand to the customers. He poured a cup of lemonade and walked to our neighbor's house.
"Would you like to buy some lemonade?"
The neighbor smiled and agreed to the purchase.
The boy went to the next house. Same thing. He kept going, back and forth, until he was out of lemonade.
When he came back into the house, he dumped is coin cup on the table. He had made almost ten dollars. "See, Mama? It was a good day for a lemonade stand!"
February 18, 2014
Lost in a Whale's Heart
I took my son to the natural history museum. There was a special display about whales. We stared at the giant whale skeletons and read all the interesting facts about whales. Then we came to a full-sized replica of a whale's heart. The thing was huge. As big as a car! Kids were allowed to crawl into it and explore. Naturally, my son wanted to to just that.
I patiently waited as he disappeared into the heart. I expected him to be out in a couple of minutes. I waited. And waited. And waited. What could be taking so long? I wondered. I decided to crawl into the giant heart and find out. I meandered this way and that, through the aorta until I came to a tiny room. What do you think was inside? A television! I kid you not. And a lot of little kids were parked in front of it, staring at the screen as whales floated by. My boy was one of those kids.
"Dude," I said. "I didn't bring you here so you could watch TV! Let's go!"
"But Mama, this is educational!"
Right.
I led him out the left ventricle, back to the regular displays.
When we got out, Bubba looked around. "Mama, do you think they have a whale brain I can explore?"
Ugh!
I patiently waited as he disappeared into the heart. I expected him to be out in a couple of minutes. I waited. And waited. And waited. What could be taking so long? I wondered. I decided to crawl into the giant heart and find out. I meandered this way and that, through the aorta until I came to a tiny room. What do you think was inside? A television! I kid you not. And a lot of little kids were parked in front of it, staring at the screen as whales floated by. My boy was one of those kids.
"Dude," I said. "I didn't bring you here so you could watch TV! Let's go!"
"But Mama, this is educational!"
Right.
I led him out the left ventricle, back to the regular displays.
When we got out, Bubba looked around. "Mama, do you think they have a whale brain I can explore?"
Ugh!
February 16, 2014
Skating Rink
"Mama, I'm going ice skating," my nine-year-old son announced.
I looked outside. The snow had melted. I couldn't imagine what he was talking about. Besides, the kid didn't even own a pair of ice skates. "Dude, what are you talking about?"
He put on his coat and went out onto the back deck. "Right here, Mama. This is an ice rink."
It was indeed an ice rink. Since the deck stays in the shade most of the day, the snow and ice was completely hardened, and as smooth and slick as a rink. Bubba wobbled across the deck, wearing his tennis shoes. He attempted a fancy spin, and promptly landed on his bottom.
"Careful," I said.
He grinned. "This is better than watching the Olympics!" He did another fancy slide across the ice. "What would you give me for that one?"
"A perfect ten!"
I looked outside. The snow had melted. I couldn't imagine what he was talking about. Besides, the kid didn't even own a pair of ice skates. "Dude, what are you talking about?"
He put on his coat and went out onto the back deck. "Right here, Mama. This is an ice rink."
It was indeed an ice rink. Since the deck stays in the shade most of the day, the snow and ice was completely hardened, and as smooth and slick as a rink. Bubba wobbled across the deck, wearing his tennis shoes. He attempted a fancy spin, and promptly landed on his bottom.
"Careful," I said.
He grinned. "This is better than watching the Olympics!" He did another fancy slide across the ice. "What would you give me for that one?"
"A perfect ten!"
February 15, 2014
Bony Mama
I was helping my daughter study last night. I parked myself on the ground, next to her bed and started quizzing her. For some odd reason, she decided my leg would be a good resting place for her head. She plopped it down on my shin.
"Ow!" she complained. "Mom, what the heck? Why is your leg so hard?"
"It's called a bone. You clunked your head on my bone."
She made a face. "My legs aren't like that. I have some meat on my bones! You're too skinny!" She grabbed my leg. "Look, Mom. You're nothing but a skeleton!"
I laughed. "No, I'm not. But if you think so, then what do you recommend I do about it?"
"Eat more ice cream!"
(Now that's something I can live with!)
"Ow!" she complained. "Mom, what the heck? Why is your leg so hard?"
"It's called a bone. You clunked your head on my bone."
She made a face. "My legs aren't like that. I have some meat on my bones! You're too skinny!" She grabbed my leg. "Look, Mom. You're nothing but a skeleton!"
I laughed. "No, I'm not. But if you think so, then what do you recommend I do about it?"
"Eat more ice cream!"
(Now that's something I can live with!)
February 14, 2014
Noodle Heads
Happy Valentine's Day, everyone!
Today, my son and I are sporting a new look: Hair noodles. (No, I'm not providing pictures of this new look, because I know they will end up plastered all over the internet!)
"Mama," my son said. "Can I have some spaghetti noodles?"
"What for?" I asked.
"You'll see."
I gave him one of my squinty-eye looks and gave him a few uncooked noodles.
He promptly inserted one into his hair. Somehow it stayed in place. He added another, then another. "I'm a noodle-head, Mama. Do you want to be a noodle-head?"
"Um, not really," I said.
"Bend down. I'm going to add some noodles to your hair."
I knew I wasn't going to get out of this. I stooped down, and he inserted about five noodles into my long tresses.
My boy stepped back to inspect his work. "You look great, Mama. I think it's the best hair style I've ever seen on you!"
Great. (I guess I should be grateful they're not snakes!)
Today, my son and I are sporting a new look: Hair noodles. (No, I'm not providing pictures of this new look, because I know they will end up plastered all over the internet!)
"Mama," my son said. "Can I have some spaghetti noodles?"
"What for?" I asked.
"You'll see."
I gave him one of my squinty-eye looks and gave him a few uncooked noodles.
He promptly inserted one into his hair. Somehow it stayed in place. He added another, then another. "I'm a noodle-head, Mama. Do you want to be a noodle-head?"
"Um, not really," I said.
"Bend down. I'm going to add some noodles to your hair."
I knew I wasn't going to get out of this. I stooped down, and he inserted about five noodles into my long tresses.
My boy stepped back to inspect his work. "You look great, Mama. I think it's the best hair style I've ever seen on you!"
Great. (I guess I should be grateful they're not snakes!)
February 13, 2014
The Great Hamburger Search
You may have heard that Atlanta, Georgia got blasted by ice and snow. That didn't stop my boy from wanting to go out in search of a good burger.
"Mama, can we go to Five Guys?" he asked. (That's his favorite burger joint.)
"Bubba, there's some nasty weather heading our way. It's not a good idea to go out right now."
"But Mama, I need a hamburger!"
I shook my head. "Ask your dad."
He did. And my husband, being the crazy person he is, decided it would be a wonderful idea to go to Five Guys.
The boys headed out as the snow clouds gathered.
Two hours later, they returned.
"That was a wild goose chase," my son announced.
"Is that right?" I asked. "What happened?"
"Five Guys was closed!"
I laughed. "No way. You're kidding! How could they do that? Didn't they know you needed a hamburger?"
Bubba scowled. "Even McDonald's was closed!"
I shook my head. This was serious. "So you didn't get a hamburger?"
"Yeah. We got one. But we had to drive a million miles- all the way to Chili's!"
"Mama, can we go to Five Guys?" he asked. (That's his favorite burger joint.)
"Bubba, there's some nasty weather heading our way. It's not a good idea to go out right now."
"But Mama, I need a hamburger!"
I shook my head. "Ask your dad."
He did. And my husband, being the crazy person he is, decided it would be a wonderful idea to go to Five Guys.
The boys headed out as the snow clouds gathered.
Two hours later, they returned.
"That was a wild goose chase," my son announced.
"Is that right?" I asked. "What happened?"
"Five Guys was closed!"
I laughed. "No way. You're kidding! How could they do that? Didn't they know you needed a hamburger?"
Bubba scowled. "Even McDonald's was closed!"
I shook my head. This was serious. "So you didn't get a hamburger?"
"Yeah. We got one. But we had to drive a million miles- all the way to Chili's!"
