Sherry Ellis's Blog, page 123
January 26, 2012
Beating Up the Cake
It was my son's half-birthday today. To commemorate the occasion, I baked a cake. Normal people would use a boxed mix. But I'm not normal. I have to do everything from scratch. Anyway, I pulled out the sugar and measured it. Only the trouble was that the sugar was in a hard lumpy form. I don't know what happened to it, but I didn't feel like going to the store to get a new bag. So I beat it. Literally.
"Mom," my son asked. "What are you doing?"
"What does it look like I'm doing?"
"Um, killing the sugar?"
"Exactly."
I finished beating that stuff and got it pulverized pretty good. I made the cake, which actually turned out well.
As we ate it, my daughter made an interesting comment. "Mom, next time can you make it denser?"
I looked at her funny. "Why?"
"I'd like to conduct a science experiment and throw it off a cliff."
"What?" I asked, incredulously.
"Yeah. We can test its mass by the amount of splat it leaves."
And I thought I was being violent with the cake!
"Mom," my son asked. "What are you doing?"
"What does it look like I'm doing?"
"Um, killing the sugar?"
"Exactly."
I finished beating that stuff and got it pulverized pretty good. I made the cake, which actually turned out well.
As we ate it, my daughter made an interesting comment. "Mom, next time can you make it denser?"
I looked at her funny. "Why?"
"I'd like to conduct a science experiment and throw it off a cliff."
"What?" I asked, incredulously.
"Yeah. We can test its mass by the amount of splat it leaves."
And I thought I was being violent with the cake!
January 25, 2012
A Use for the Dog
Our German Shepherd hasn't been a very useful dog. He pretty much destroys everything, and leaves dirt and filth wherever he goes.
Today I found a use for him. My kids had eaten a bowl of Cherios for breakfast, and quite a few of those oat "o's" had landed on the floor.
"Schultz," I said. "Do something about those."
He looked at me like I had rocks in my head.
"Dog, look!" I pointed to the Cherios on the ground.
Then he figured it out, and went to town. He ate every single one of them.
"Good boy, Schultz!"
He wagged his tail. Now if I can only get him to stop shedding and clean up his muddy paw prints!
Today I found a use for him. My kids had eaten a bowl of Cherios for breakfast, and quite a few of those oat "o's" had landed on the floor.
"Schultz," I said. "Do something about those."
He looked at me like I had rocks in my head.
"Dog, look!" I pointed to the Cherios on the ground.
Then he figured it out, and went to town. He ate every single one of them.
"Good boy, Schultz!"
He wagged his tail. Now if I can only get him to stop shedding and clean up his muddy paw prints!
January 24, 2012
Boogie in the Roller Rink
I took my kids roller skating to let them burn off some steam. It was my son's second time.
This kid is a real hot shot. He thinks he has all the moves. So when the DJ announced free dance time in the center, my boy got right in the thick of things. He was jamming with his hands in the air, rocking to the beat. The teenagers there, thought he was pretty cool. They started imitating his dance moves.
"Check that kid out!" I said.
My daughter took a look and started cracking up. "What is he doing?"
"He's showing them some Bubba moves."
One little kid in an orange Harley sweatshirt on roller skates leading a group of about ten teenagers in the middle of the roller rink. What a sight!
This kid is a real hot shot. He thinks he has all the moves. So when the DJ announced free dance time in the center, my boy got right in the thick of things. He was jamming with his hands in the air, rocking to the beat. The teenagers there, thought he was pretty cool. They started imitating his dance moves.
"Check that kid out!" I said.
My daughter took a look and started cracking up. "What is he doing?"
"He's showing them some Bubba moves."
One little kid in an orange Harley sweatshirt on roller skates leading a group of about ten teenagers in the middle of the roller rink. What a sight!
January 23, 2012
Speaking Dog
"Schultz! Stop it right now! I don't like what you're doing!" These were the words of my seven-year-old son to our 16 month old German Shepherd.
"What's the varmint doing?" I asked.
"He's trying to bite my hand and eat my toy."
"Tell him to sit and drop it."
"I did. And he didn't listen."
I scowled at the dog. "Schultz, sit."
He sat.
"Next time, I'm going to try speaking dog," my son said. "Maybe he just doesn't understand my English."
"And how would you speak dog?" I asked.
"Like this: Woof...Woof...Woof, woof, woof, woof!"
Schultz cocked his head.
"See, he's listening. He understands!"
"What's the varmint doing?" I asked.
"He's trying to bite my hand and eat my toy."
"Tell him to sit and drop it."
"I did. And he didn't listen."
I scowled at the dog. "Schultz, sit."
He sat.
"Next time, I'm going to try speaking dog," my son said. "Maybe he just doesn't understand my English."
"And how would you speak dog?" I asked.
"Like this: Woof...Woof...Woof, woof, woof, woof!"
Schultz cocked his head.
"See, he's listening. He understands!"
January 22, 2012
Burnt Pancakes
This morning I was attempting to make pancakes. And feed the dog, and feed the cat, and pour juice, and hold a conversation with my seven-year-old son. Things just don't go so well when I attempt to multi-task so early in the morning.
Anyway, I ended up burning the pancakes.
"Well, kid," I said. "I burnt the pancakes. Sorry."
"That's all right mom. I'll eat them, because if I was stranded in the wilderness, and burnt pancakes were all I had to eat, I'd eat them."
Well, that makes me feel so much better.
Anyway, I ended up burning the pancakes.
"Well, kid," I said. "I burnt the pancakes. Sorry."
"That's all right mom. I'll eat them, because if I was stranded in the wilderness, and burnt pancakes were all I had to eat, I'd eat them."
Well, that makes me feel so much better.
January 21, 2012
Stitching Socks
I few minutes ago, my kids were in the family room horsing around with the dog.
"Schultz!" I heard my son yell. "Stop it!"
I couldn't wait to find out what kind of trouble was going on.
"Mama!" My son marched into the office. "Schultz ate my favorite sock!"
I looked down. "Um, I still see socks on both feet."
"Yeah, but look. He put a hole in this one."
I looked. There was a hole.
"Can you please sew this. I don't want a hole in my favorite socks."
He whipped off his stinky sock and put it on the desk. Then he marched off.
Sigh. I guess I have a sock to repair. But I most definitely am washing it first!
"Schultz!" I heard my son yell. "Stop it!"
I couldn't wait to find out what kind of trouble was going on.
"Mama!" My son marched into the office. "Schultz ate my favorite sock!"
I looked down. "Um, I still see socks on both feet."
"Yeah, but look. He put a hole in this one."
I looked. There was a hole.
"Can you please sew this. I don't want a hole in my favorite socks."
He whipped off his stinky sock and put it on the desk. Then he marched off.
Sigh. I guess I have a sock to repair. But I most definitely am washing it first!
January 20, 2012
Interior Decorating
At the front entry of my house, is a table with a vase filled with pretty flowers - fake ones. Along with the flowers, are some glass pebbles. That's the way it's been for the last four years. Today, I found a slight change.
As I walked past the vase, I had to look twice. There were some brown oval-shaped things that didn't quite look like the glass pebbles that I was accustomed to seeing. I reached in and pulled one out. I sniffed it. Chocolate?
There was only one individual in the house that would come up with that kind of creativity: my son.
"Bubba!" I called.
He meandered over to me.
"What's this?" I asked holding up the oval chocolate.
"That?" he said, acting all innocent. "Oh, that's a chocolate covered peanut."
"And what exactly is a chocolate covered peanut doing in this vase?"
"Well, the plain clear glass things in there are kind of boring. It needs a little color."
I see. Apparently it needs a little flavor, too!
As I walked past the vase, I had to look twice. There were some brown oval-shaped things that didn't quite look like the glass pebbles that I was accustomed to seeing. I reached in and pulled one out. I sniffed it. Chocolate?
There was only one individual in the house that would come up with that kind of creativity: my son.
"Bubba!" I called.
He meandered over to me.
"What's this?" I asked holding up the oval chocolate.
"That?" he said, acting all innocent. "Oh, that's a chocolate covered peanut."
"And what exactly is a chocolate covered peanut doing in this vase?"
"Well, the plain clear glass things in there are kind of boring. It needs a little color."
I see. Apparently it needs a little flavor, too!
January 19, 2012
Mama, the Brainless Penguin
Every day, I run around like a maniac, fitting a bazillion things into fifteen hours of awake time. By the time night falls, I'm ready to collapse. It's a phenomenon that happens day after day, three hundred and sixty-five days a year (366 this year).
It's usually in the evening at my point of utter exhaustion, that my kids barrage me with a million questions. And of course, my brain doesn't work, so the answers are sometimes incoherent or downright stupid. Such was the case last night. I can't even remember what the questions were.
What I can remember, is that my answer must've been some kind of mumbo jumbo, because my husband's response was, "Leave Mommy alone. She's in her penguin jammies. And when she's in her penguin jammies, her brain doesn't work."
Yep. He got that one right!
It's usually in the evening at my point of utter exhaustion, that my kids barrage me with a million questions. And of course, my brain doesn't work, so the answers are sometimes incoherent or downright stupid. Such was the case last night. I can't even remember what the questions were.
What I can remember, is that my answer must've been some kind of mumbo jumbo, because my husband's response was, "Leave Mommy alone. She's in her penguin jammies. And when she's in her penguin jammies, her brain doesn't work."
Yep. He got that one right!
January 17, 2012
Wallet Thief
Wasn't it just last week that the stupid dog ripped apart my husband's wallet and credit cards?
This morning my husband came downstairs and noticed a twenty dollar bill lying in the hall in front of the dog. "Why is there a twenty dollar bill on the floor?" he asked.
Without even glancing up from the computer, I answered. "Probably because the dog ate your wallet again."
My husband growled. He marched over to the other room and found his wallet on the floor.
"Schultz!!!"
Fortunately for Schultz, nothing else was chewed up or damaged.
"Next time you try stealing twenty bucks from me, dog, you're going to the pound!"
I think he means it!
This morning my husband came downstairs and noticed a twenty dollar bill lying in the hall in front of the dog. "Why is there a twenty dollar bill on the floor?" he asked.
Without even glancing up from the computer, I answered. "Probably because the dog ate your wallet again."
My husband growled. He marched over to the other room and found his wallet on the floor.
"Schultz!!!"
Fortunately for Schultz, nothing else was chewed up or damaged.
"Next time you try stealing twenty bucks from me, dog, you're going to the pound!"
I think he means it!
January 16, 2012
Bop It
I have finally found something to keep my kids busy during long car rides. It's a game called Bop It. Kids have to pull, twist, shout, or bop this hand-held toy according to the directives given by the perky voice in the toy. And they have to do it in a timely manner, or they lose.
Today, we tested this thing on a long car ride. Here's what I heard:
"Bop it!"
"Twist it!"
"Bop it!"
"Shout it!"
"Pass it!"
"Bop it!"
"Pull it!"
"You lose!"
This went on for an hour. My kids thought it was the best thing ever. It was nice that they weren't fighting, but man, I think I just about lost my mind, listening to that racket!
Today, we tested this thing on a long car ride. Here's what I heard:
"Bop it!"
"Twist it!"
"Bop it!"
"Shout it!"
"Pass it!"
"Bop it!"
"Pull it!"
"You lose!"
This went on for an hour. My kids thought it was the best thing ever. It was nice that they weren't fighting, but man, I think I just about lost my mind, listening to that racket!
