Anexis Matos's Blog, page 2

I Had So Much Hope

Planet Fitness Is Not a Judgment-Free Zone

One of the things I struggle with as a person with a disability is feeling welcomed in establishments. I prefer spending time online and socialise as little as possible. It’s a drain on my mental health.

Recently, I decided I’d like to get back into exercising. To make that easier on myself, I got a gym membership through Planet Fitness. I got the most expensive one because I was going to do this with someone else, but they’re unable to come with me at the moment. I decided to keep it because there might be the chance I’ll go with someone and they can come as a guest.

I’ve been going on and off for the last two months by myself.. Weather and sleep issues have been the reason I haven’t gone as often as I’d like. Since my membership allows me to go to any location I’d like, I started in one and moved to another at someone’s suggestion and because I realized it’s a less confusing address to give to paratransit when I make reservations.

Until yesterday, I’ve had a great experience. The employees have been very helpful and polite. I generally check in and ask for help getting to a machine and remain there for my entire visit with the exception of a few times when I needed to use the bathroom and the machine I was using stopped randomly. They’ve also been great when I take a lyft and need help making sure I get in the right vehicle, something I don’t expect them to do and absolutely respect if they choose not to since it’s out of the gym and, in my opinion, it’s not part of their job description.

When I went yesterday, everything seemed okay. I checked in and asked the person at the desk if they could help me get to the bike. I stayed there for about an hour and got ready to leave. I, surprisingly, found my way to a chair that I’m sure is near the exit. However, I realized I left my bag (something that usually doesn’t happen. I’m very protective of my bags) and rushed to attempt to find my way to the bike I was in to retrieve it. Thankfully, the person who I assume was going to use it saw me.

“Are you looking for your bag?” he asked.

“Yes,” I said.

He handed it to me, I thanked him, and tried to find my way to the exit again. An employee approached me and asked if I needed help.

“I’m looking for the exit,” I said.

Paratransit was coming to pick me up for school. He helped me, but asked if I had someone who could come with me.

“I don’t always have someone,” I said.

“We need someone to come with you because of your disability,” he said. “Is there someone that can come with you?”

“I don’t always have someone. People are generally busy.”

“If you need any help, call me and I’ll come help you.”

I don’t remember if I thanked him, but I do remember being drained the rest of the day. I remember that one person took the fact that I planned to have a great day and ruined it for me. I remember that someone thought it was a brilliant idea to tell me that I needed someone with me at the gym because I’m disabled.

If it isn’t clear, this is inappropriate. I feel its important to spell it out in case you have some doubt. It might be condescending, but I don’t care. The amount of times I have been condescended to by able-bodied people is astounding, so I’ll be as condescending as I like.

I have the right to be treated with the respect every able-bodied member of Planet Fitness is and I was not treated that way. Planet Firtness, to comply with the ADA laws, states in their web site that a personal aid is allowed if the member requires assistance. Said personal aid may assist the member, but not workout with them, unless the member has a membership that allows them to have a guest or the aid is a member in good standing. Nowhere does it say that someone is required to be there if someone has a disability.

One of three things is happening here. One, the employee misunderstood or misinterpreted the rules. Two, the person genuinely believes this is the case. Three, the employee is attempting to make sure they, along with the gym, are covered in case some accident occurs, so they’re telling me that’s a rule when its not.

I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt, but I’m not doing that this time. I’m done attempting to do that. I’m not giving able-bodied people like this my consideration. I’m not welcoming them into my space. They don’t welcome me into their space. Why should I extend that kindness?

No establishment that I know of would make it a rule that someone with a disability needs to have someone with them. Are you telling me that the same policies that apply to children also apply to me, an adult with a disability? If so, let me know so that I can cancel my membership immediately. I pay about $32 a month counting taxes plus a $49 annual maintenance fee. I can bring my business somewhere else if it is too hard for a company to understand that not all people with disabilities are going to show up with a personal aid for different reasons, including that they’re unable to hire one and that they’re independent.

I consider myself very independent. In a place like the gym, I need minimal help. The gym is generally crowded, the machines are across the floor with what feels like limited walking space, and, to top it off, there’s a lot of noise. The sound is a combination of the music and the machines, making it a bit more difficult to navigate. When I go to the gym, all I ask for is help getting to a bike and the employees I’ve met have been kind and understanding. This one was disrespectful and insulting. For a gym that claims it’s judgment-free, I would like you to know I felt very much judged.

If you’re an employee of any industry and you see a disabled person, help them like you would anyone else. If you’re going to say things like this employee, just don’t. You’re not being helpful. Even if you intend it to be helpful, it just isn’t. It’s insulting. Humiliating. Degrading.

What you’re doing here is being “helpful” by suggesting to the person with a disability that they need to have someone to help them. You can’t have your cake and eat it too. You can’t be helpful and put us in neat boxes so you can feel better about yourself. So that you can say you were helpful. We’re not your charity cases. We’re not that cute little prop that you can have on your table to show off that you did something nice.

If you’re not able or willing to offer people with disabilities actual, meaningful help, just say no. Say that you can’t. That you’re unable to. That you’re unwilling to. Better yet, don’t approach. Don’t waste my valuable, precious time with stupidity. With an opinion that no one asked for.

I don’t want it. You’re not welcome in my space. I’d much rather make sure I’m offering that space, time, and energy to teachers, friends, and family that will and continue to support me. That often advocate for me when I need it. Why should I welcome people like you? You don’t welcome me into your space and you place yourself in such a way that suggests you know better. As I’m the person with the disability, I assure you you don’t.

The worse part of this is that you’ll eventually be disabled. The community you once made feel less than human is the one you’ll eventually join. Good luck. You’ll get to see exactly how able-bodied people can make things very difficult for us. There is no reason I should be advocating on a daily basis to be respected. For basic decency. I deserve better and so does every person with a disability.

When a company does certain things, it tells me as a person with a disability that I’m welcome there. Apple makes every product accessible out of the box. I can buy any product, get it delivered, and set it up without any sighted help. Unfortunately, not every company does that. We can’t wait to feel welcomed in the places we want to go to. We have to force them to make space for us. You know? That’s very familiar. It’s almost like what we’ve been doing for who knows how long and will be continuing to do so until we’re treated as equals.

It’s a very depressing truth to admit, but what else is new? I’m a member of two blindness organizations and everyone is older than me. While I don’t know how others of my generation feel about them, I can understand why they probably don’t join because, even as a member, I have a similar feeling. What are you doing for me? They say they’re working on things and, while that’s not entirely a lie, nothing happens. Obviously something isn’t working and they’re not changing tactics, so I can see why people in my generation might look at these older members of the organization and decide not to join because they’re not doing anything for them.

Organizations will encourage us to advocate. To educate them. To be polite when we do it, but, honestly, some people don’t deserve that. Also, what these organizations don’t suggest is to care for your mental health when you advocate. To ask yourself whether you’re in the right place to engage in conversations like this. To be aware that you’re not always going to want to advocate. They don’t tell you it’s okay not to advocate. That it’s okay to just advocate for yourself as I’m doing right now by writing this. They don’t tell you the ddifferent forms of advocacy.

Yes, we have to continue to make space for ourselves since no one else will make it for us, but take care of yourselves. Cry if you need to. Be a bitch and say “Fuck you!” to the employee that says things like this because they don’t want to deal with you. I have to practice that last one because I’m so tired of offering respect for people who don’t deserve it. Advocate for yourself where you’re able to, but do what you can to ignore the pressure to advocate for everyone else in your community. Representing the blind and visually impaired community with my actions isn’t my job. My job is to represent myself. If it happens that something I do benefits other people, that’s awesome. I’m happy, but that can’t take over my life.

My chosen form of advocacy for this situation is not cancelling my Planet Fitness membership. Not yet, anyway. Again, I pay about $32 a month counting taxes and $49 every year to maintain my membership. I have a right to be there. I deserve to be there. That employee will simply have to deal with me for the foreseeable future. He’ll have to deal with the fact that I might need help getting to a machine and, if it’s not the bike, setting it up too if it’s not accessible. He’ll have to deal with the fact that I might need help finding the exit.

If he doesn’t want to do this, he can find someone else who’s willing. I’m not going anywhere and I’m not going to bring someone to the gym with me because it’ll make him feel better. Too bad for him.

A Moment of Kindness

I resent you,

but I also appreciate you.

You’re not so bad.

You give us what we need.

What we want.

Our rights.

Our freedom.

Our lives.

We have that

thanks to you.

For that,

I’m grateful.

Audio Description of Perfect Match Season Two

Before reading, please read the original audio description critique of Perfect Match. I won’t recap my thoughts. Instead, I’m going to focus on one specific aspect, so it’ll be short.

For those unaware, audio description is a separate audio track added to visual media that describes visual aspects. It’s mainly intended for blind and visually impaired audiences, but it can be useful and beneficial to anyone.

Series Premise

Contestants enter this show to find their perfect match by testing their compatibility. The most compatible couple wins an all-expenses paid trip to continue working on their relationship.

Series Information

Genre: Reality TV

Category: Adult

Explicit sex: None

Explicit violence: None

Content warnings I noticed: None

Review

For the most part, season two’s audio description is great. As with the first season, I enjoyed it.

The one thing I want to discuss is the description of gestures. I don’t remember discussing this in any of my previous critiques. I really should have, but I suppose I wasn’t paying attention. I’ll try to pay attention to this for future critiques, but I might still miss them.

I want to preface this by saying that this is not the only audio description that does this. Many actually do this. Books do it too. I just happen to have been annoyed this time, so I’m complaining and offering suggestions.

At least one gesture is described without describing the gesture. When one of the contestants is introduced, the describer tells us she made a “sexual gesture.” So, what does that mean? We know what kind of gesture this is, but what was the gesture?

The best audio description shines when there are specific details. When it comes to describing a person, these details include but are not limited to hair, eyes, race, and clothing. If you notice, someone doing a “sexual gesture” is not specific. Saying that someone made a rude gesture is very different than explaining that the person gave another the middle finger.

The reason specificity is important is because it leaves no questions. I know that audio description is limited by space. However, it takes skill to describe a gesture in said amount of space and writers should take that challenge. At the end of the day, the point of audio description is to give viewers a similar experience to their sighted peers. As an audio description consumer, I’m expecting to know things that other viewers know and descriptions like someone making a “sexual gesture” give me nothing.

In my opinion, the current audio description rules are too strict to allow for gestures to be described. It doesn’t allow for a lot to be described in detail. I believe that audio description is an art. However, art is usually not very confined. While it may have conventions and some rules, it allows for artists to break or subvert them. I don’t see this often in audio description, unfortunately. I believe it’s time for the rules to be reconsidered.Because the rules can be so confining, it doesn’t allow for a lot of creativity. However, they can allow for some. For those writers who thrive on strict rules, I challenge you to describe gestures rather than telling the viewer what kind they are. For those who don’t, I suggest that, where you have the space, take the time to describe the gestures. I understand it might be inconsistent as some things won’t be described in detail, but it’s something and, unfortunately, while I’m spoiled with all types of audio description, the bar is low. Something is better than nothing in many cases.

Conclusion

Overall, this is a good audio description. It’s enjoyable, but, unfortunately, my rating has lowered. I rate it one star.

Disappear

If you’re always here,

why can’t I see you?

I guess it’s easy

to disappear at will

when you’re not the one in the line of fire.

She Reminded Me of You

I forgot about you,

but it seems

you never forgot about me.

You were waiting in the background

until I needed you.

I didn’t remember his introduction.

The confusion I felt

when he told me

to befriend you.

The uncertainty

when he didn’t bring you up again.

The relief

that others dealt with you.

You came

in the form of an acquaintance.

A classmate

who I looked up to.

She spoke

like my confident teachers.

Her attitude

was like none I’d ever seen.

She wasn’t disrespectful,

but no one could say

she wasn’t honest.

I wanted to be like her.

Have the confidence

to be as honest,

but still be strict.

Still be sure

of what I wanted.

Gym was my problem.

Walking across the hallways,

I was bored.

Annoyed.

Wondering why

I was stuck doing this.

Why participating

wasn’t extended to me.

For some time,

I watched her.

I watched

as she delivered her thoughts.

I watched

as she shone

in whatever she wanted.

I noticed you in her.

The version of you

he introduced me to.

The solution

to my problems.

This time,

I understood.

His voice

echoed in my head,

but, without an explanation,

I didn’t know

whether to trust you.

We were still not friends,

but you stood beside her.

She was a sign,

so I decided

to take the risk.

You stood behind me

as I asked the woman

why participation in a class

was not extended to me,

but I wasn’t sure

I should have.

When I asked,

you offered me

a reassuring smile.

This time,

you were right.

You were the friend I needed.

Trouble

You got too comfortable,

but it wasn’t your fault.

I got comfortable around you

and invited you

into my life.

You were right one time,

so I decided

to trust you again.

Why not?

You proved

your loyalty to me.

I wrote a story

whose title I can’t remember.

I was so proud.

It was my best work.

You offered me

an encouraging smile.

With my anger on the page,

nothing could go wrong.

I released it

like you advised

and tranquility surrounded me,

offering relief.

Then came the performance.

Pieces of my story

taken out of context.

The people

concerned about my writing.

The unasked question

of why I wrote it.

Through it all,

you stood silently.

You watched

as I struggled

to understand

why everything went wrong.

I trusted you

when I shouldn’t have.

That day,

I knew

you would be trouble,

but, for some reason, I still had hope.

Your Name Is Advocacy

He sat across from me

when he told me you were important.

He told me to trust you,

but never warned me

that you would disappoint me.

He made you out

to be the solution

to problems I didn’t see.

He made you seem

like some form of rescuer,

but did he know

the weight he put on me

by introducing me to you?

I was so young.

Only ten

when you came into my life

and I wasn’t interested.

You were a stranger,

only there

because he invited you.

He tried to make you important,

but all I saw

was an unnecessary lesson.

How could I see more?

You barely showed up for me

in ways that mattered.

When you did,

others were there

to keep you away.

They stood between us,

forming a strong barrier

to protect me from you.

How could I have seen you for what you are

when he didn’t even tell me your name is Advocacy.

Cure

They’ve prayed,

asking some god

to heal me.

To cure me.

I know they’re kind,

but I wonder

if they think at all.

Why would I be blind

if their god

didn’t want me to be?

There’s no cure.

Maybe there will be,

but not yet.

Blindness is here to stay.

Letter to Akira Toriyama

From time to time,

I think about you.

Not in depth,

but I do.

Your stories.

Your characters.

Your time.

Your dedication.

Your genius.

Why should I think of authors?

You’re deities in your own right,

giving us gifts

that we don’t always deserve.

Then again,

that’s how benevolent deities are,

aren’t they?

But you’re different.

You were in my life

before I knew

who you were.

Before your name

was connected

to my favorite obsession.

Your characters

 came into my life

when I was a little girl

at 5:00 PM

on channel 11

in tropical bliss.

I remember

showing up

in the middle of episodes.

Forcing my cousins

every summer

to find something

that was Dragon Ball.

I was obsessed as a girl,

but the more I watch it,

the more I love it.

The more

I appreciate it.

The more I wonder

why I can’t read

your original source material.

Damn the lack of innovation

to make manga accessible.

My favorite

is still the first series.

I started

with Dragon Ball Z,

but Dragon Ball

is your best work.

Throughout the years,

I’ve learned to appreciate you.

You gave me

characters to love.

Characters

to aspire to be like.

Messages

to take into my life.

You gave me

a foundation for my writing.

I wrote fanfiction

that will never see the light of day

thanks to you.

You passed away

at 68,

leaving us

your mark.

Your stories.

Your characters.

You left the world

a reason to keep going.

A reason

to hope.

A reason

to keep looking

for the best

in our lives.

Thank you

for your stories.

Your characters.

Your time.

Your dedication.

Your genius.

Thank you

for giving us a gift we don’t always deserve.