Gary Hoover's Blog - Posts Tagged "twitter"
To Twitter or not to Twitter . . .
My friends keep telling me: “You have GOT to get twitter”. I assume the reason they keep telling me this is they are basically whores who would stoop to just about any level to get one more ‘follower’. . . but occasionally my ego allows me to believe it’s because I sometimes post insightful, thought provoking Facebook status (yes, that’s the proper plural, not stati or statuses . . . I looked it up).
So with that in mind, I’ll let you be the judge (and keep in mind, this is an important investigation . . . not just a way to get some mileage out of old crap rather than coming up with something fresh). Here are some of the status I’ve posted on facebook:
I wonder if Disney would do one of their customizable shirts with "Tits McGee" if I sent it in. . . . and if so, would Linda wear it.
I finally tried that burger place everyone's been talking about. Now . . . like Madonna . . . I can also say I had Five Guys tonight.
I got a letter saying: "Your daughter is eligible to apply for an overseas educational experience." I'm tempted to send a note saying: "Wow! How did you know I had a daughter? My wife doesn't even know about her."
My MP3 decided to shuffle a number of Johnny Cash and Tom Waits songs this morning and now I'm resisting the urge to throw a couple cans of beans and some moldy bread crusts in a battered satchel and hop a box-car to Wichita.
I tried to order a small soup at Chik-Fil-A today and was told: "We don't have 'small', we only have medium and large." Doesn't 'medium' imply the existence of a 'small'? Am I crazy or is Chik-Fil-A crazy (in addition to being terrible spellers)?
Does anyone else - when they're checking their heart-rate on the treadmill or passing one of those radar signs that show your speed - think: "I can beat my high score this time."?
God just told me that if at least 10 people don't like this status he will 'call me home'.
Ryan was here with a bunch of friends but they took off to somewhere. One of Ryan's friends left his guitar and Linda wants me to be doing a "Naked Cowboy" imitation with it when they get back.
So does anyone else around here leave the room for a minute to grab a soda and come back to find gay porn on their computer and their wife cackling like a witch who is roasting children?
Raise your hand if you've ever called someone who was in the same room as you . . . just to hear what kind of ring-tone they had for you . . . bonus points if it turned out to be Cartman.
I'm wondering if maybe, just maybe, one of my Facebook friends knows why I just received a copy of "Essence" clearly addressed to me.
Why does my car smell like old, stale farts when I'm the only one in there 95% of the time . . . oh . . . wait . . . never mind, I think I may have figured it out. Damn you gassy foods! Why must you taste so delicious?
Linda, if you're wondering where one of your apples went, I needed something to throw at the heron that was in our back-yard. . . . I missed him . . . damn it
(This one posted from Disney World) I find it interesting that the Disney World headgear (with Mickey Mouse-head balls on springs that make it look like you have Disney themed antennae) have mirrors built into the display stands . . . As if someone might put a set on their head, look in the mirror and think: "Yeah, this is a good look for me."
To the petite young woman in the check-out line behind me at Target this morning: You may have fooled most of the people around us, but you can't fool me. I know that smell didn't come out of me. Good strategy though - getting up behind the fat guy before letting it go. Well played, missy, well played.
Thank God for the Shake-Weight . . . seriously . . . I'm watching the CNN coverage of Japan this morning and getting really depressed . . . then along comes a Shake-Weight commercial and illustrates - in such clear terms - that: 'life goes on'.
Some day I hope to have the chance to shake the hand of brilliant man or woman who first thought to put a couple celery sticks with an order of wings. Now I can feel like I'm eating healthy. What did I have for lunch? Why I had celery sticks . . . with a few wings on the side.
I've got a yodeling marmot. Do you have a yodeling marmot?
YES Mr. LA Fitness Guy, I saw you look at me . . . and then look at the defibrillator hanging on the wall. Not today, buddy . . . not today.
So what do you think? Yeah, I guess my friends are just whores trying to rack up more followers.
http://www.landofnodtrilogy.com/
So with that in mind, I’ll let you be the judge (and keep in mind, this is an important investigation . . . not just a way to get some mileage out of old crap rather than coming up with something fresh). Here are some of the status I’ve posted on facebook:
I wonder if Disney would do one of their customizable shirts with "Tits McGee" if I sent it in. . . . and if so, would Linda wear it.
I finally tried that burger place everyone's been talking about. Now . . . like Madonna . . . I can also say I had Five Guys tonight.
I got a letter saying: "Your daughter is eligible to apply for an overseas educational experience." I'm tempted to send a note saying: "Wow! How did you know I had a daughter? My wife doesn't even know about her."
My MP3 decided to shuffle a number of Johnny Cash and Tom Waits songs this morning and now I'm resisting the urge to throw a couple cans of beans and some moldy bread crusts in a battered satchel and hop a box-car to Wichita.
I tried to order a small soup at Chik-Fil-A today and was told: "We don't have 'small', we only have medium and large." Doesn't 'medium' imply the existence of a 'small'? Am I crazy or is Chik-Fil-A crazy (in addition to being terrible spellers)?
Does anyone else - when they're checking their heart-rate on the treadmill or passing one of those radar signs that show your speed - think: "I can beat my high score this time."?
God just told me that if at least 10 people don't like this status he will 'call me home'.
Ryan was here with a bunch of friends but they took off to somewhere. One of Ryan's friends left his guitar and Linda wants me to be doing a "Naked Cowboy" imitation with it when they get back.
So does anyone else around here leave the room for a minute to grab a soda and come back to find gay porn on their computer and their wife cackling like a witch who is roasting children?
Raise your hand if you've ever called someone who was in the same room as you . . . just to hear what kind of ring-tone they had for you . . . bonus points if it turned out to be Cartman.
I'm wondering if maybe, just maybe, one of my Facebook friends knows why I just received a copy of "Essence" clearly addressed to me.
Why does my car smell like old, stale farts when I'm the only one in there 95% of the time . . . oh . . . wait . . . never mind, I think I may have figured it out. Damn you gassy foods! Why must you taste so delicious?
Linda, if you're wondering where one of your apples went, I needed something to throw at the heron that was in our back-yard. . . . I missed him . . . damn it
(This one posted from Disney World) I find it interesting that the Disney World headgear (with Mickey Mouse-head balls on springs that make it look like you have Disney themed antennae) have mirrors built into the display stands . . . As if someone might put a set on their head, look in the mirror and think: "Yeah, this is a good look for me."
To the petite young woman in the check-out line behind me at Target this morning: You may have fooled most of the people around us, but you can't fool me. I know that smell didn't come out of me. Good strategy though - getting up behind the fat guy before letting it go. Well played, missy, well played.
Thank God for the Shake-Weight . . . seriously . . . I'm watching the CNN coverage of Japan this morning and getting really depressed . . . then along comes a Shake-Weight commercial and illustrates - in such clear terms - that: 'life goes on'.
Some day I hope to have the chance to shake the hand of brilliant man or woman who first thought to put a couple celery sticks with an order of wings. Now I can feel like I'm eating healthy. What did I have for lunch? Why I had celery sticks . . . with a few wings on the side.
I've got a yodeling marmot. Do you have a yodeling marmot?
YES Mr. LA Fitness Guy, I saw you look at me . . . and then look at the defibrillator hanging on the wall. Not today, buddy . . . not today.
So what do you think? Yeah, I guess my friends are just whores trying to rack up more followers.
http://www.landofnodtrilogy.com/
To Twitter or not to Twitter II, the Sequel
My very first blog post on here was one in which I asked if I should get a Twitter account (actually it was an excuse to use old, stale facebook posts as filler rather than coming up with something fresh, but let's not split hairs). Shortly after that post, I got a Twitter acount and, since I can use the posts from it here as filler, I thought I'd do just that.
If you'd like these kind of gems clogging your twitter, you can follow me @garyhoover1
I just realized that no matter how hard I work, or what I accomplish, I'll never be as loved as William Shatner . . . cool, no more pressure
I wonder if Queen Elizabeth ever screams: "OFF WITH HIS HEAD!" just to mess with people . . . 'cause I know I would.
Wouldn't it be awful to be driving home smelling delicious barbecue . . . only to find someone had been killed in a tragic house-fire?
I want my tombstone to say: "Well, at least it wasn't auto-erotic asphyxiation" . . . that'll fool them.
Chuck Norris would have shot Greedo first . . . and then he would have shot George Lucas before he had the chance to %#$%@ edit it.
I think the line between having a healthy interest in something and being a nut is crossed when you start wearing costumes.
The 28th rule of Fight Club is: "You do NOT motorboat Meatloaf's tits."
Want to get rich? Don't write a book. Do something less degrading with more demand and less supply. Like prostitution.
You know those "Where's George" dollar bills? Am I the only one who always logs in and enters strip clubs?
I'm convinced that, with proper care, boxer-shorts can last 20 years. . . though my wife might argue that point.
You can now get all of your ICONIC GAGA MOMENTS on X-Finity . . . does anyone else see anything wrong with that statement?
Am I the only one who likes taking off my shoes, shirt etc. and relaxing in nothing but my boxers? I won't be going back to that restaurant
When Superman farts, it must be tough to try to blame the guy who didn't just blow a hole in the wall.
I think Abraham Lincoln was the first and last man to wear a beard without a mustache and not look like a tool.
Does it make me homophobic if I'm reluctant to eat white asparagus because they look so much like little penises? Is black asparagus bigger?
Note to self: Putting a black bra on my head and talking like Mickey Mouse doesn't seem to put the wife in the mood.
Everybody who doesn't smell like a long-dead and decaying wildebeast, raise your hand. . . Not so fast guy on the treadmill next to me.
I rationalize eating fries in the car with the belief that grease and salt help me grip the wheel-Like rosin helps a pitcher grip a baseball
Radio Dr.: "I've treated 10,000 men with erectile dysfunction." Cool! My Dr. doesn't need a boner. Not sure why he's bragging though.
Not sure if it's really cool or sort of sad that the supervisor setting up the toilet paper display thinks what he's doing is so important.
When dementia comes, I hope I’ll be strolling through candy forests…but I’ll probably attending to Fatty Arbuckle’s personal hygiene.
Just saw a kid in a Malibu race a kid in a Ford Fusion. It was the Special Olympics of street-drag.
Han saves Luke twice, then when Luke saves Han from Jabba, Han says: "Now I owe you 1". No. Luke still owes 1. Space pirates can't do math.
Apparently the lollipops at the bank are for anyone . . . or the teller was afraid to say anything after I popped one in my mouth.
When someone says: "No pun intended", are they really saying: "Look how clever I was to notice this could have a double meaning"?
If you collect all of Superman's toenail clippings and combine them to make invincible body armor, that would be really cool...but gross
Sometimes I wonder if I'm the evil twin and in some alternate universe there's a nicer, clean-shaven version of me.
And the one I'll post to promote this: "Am I the first person to tag a single blog with wildebeast, Meatloaf's tits and erectile dysfunction?"
http://www.landofnodtrilogy.com/
If you'd like these kind of gems clogging your twitter, you can follow me @garyhoover1
I just realized that no matter how hard I work, or what I accomplish, I'll never be as loved as William Shatner . . . cool, no more pressure
I wonder if Queen Elizabeth ever screams: "OFF WITH HIS HEAD!" just to mess with people . . . 'cause I know I would.
Wouldn't it be awful to be driving home smelling delicious barbecue . . . only to find someone had been killed in a tragic house-fire?
I want my tombstone to say: "Well, at least it wasn't auto-erotic asphyxiation" . . . that'll fool them.
Chuck Norris would have shot Greedo first . . . and then he would have shot George Lucas before he had the chance to %#$%@ edit it.
I think the line between having a healthy interest in something and being a nut is crossed when you start wearing costumes.
The 28th rule of Fight Club is: "You do NOT motorboat Meatloaf's tits."
Want to get rich? Don't write a book. Do something less degrading with more demand and less supply. Like prostitution.
You know those "Where's George" dollar bills? Am I the only one who always logs in and enters strip clubs?
I'm convinced that, with proper care, boxer-shorts can last 20 years. . . though my wife might argue that point.
You can now get all of your ICONIC GAGA MOMENTS on X-Finity . . . does anyone else see anything wrong with that statement?
Am I the only one who likes taking off my shoes, shirt etc. and relaxing in nothing but my boxers? I won't be going back to that restaurant
When Superman farts, it must be tough to try to blame the guy who didn't just blow a hole in the wall.
I think Abraham Lincoln was the first and last man to wear a beard without a mustache and not look like a tool.
Does it make me homophobic if I'm reluctant to eat white asparagus because they look so much like little penises? Is black asparagus bigger?
Note to self: Putting a black bra on my head and talking like Mickey Mouse doesn't seem to put the wife in the mood.
Everybody who doesn't smell like a long-dead and decaying wildebeast, raise your hand. . . Not so fast guy on the treadmill next to me.
I rationalize eating fries in the car with the belief that grease and salt help me grip the wheel-Like rosin helps a pitcher grip a baseball
Radio Dr.: "I've treated 10,000 men with erectile dysfunction." Cool! My Dr. doesn't need a boner. Not sure why he's bragging though.
Not sure if it's really cool or sort of sad that the supervisor setting up the toilet paper display thinks what he's doing is so important.
When dementia comes, I hope I’ll be strolling through candy forests…but I’ll probably attending to Fatty Arbuckle’s personal hygiene.
Just saw a kid in a Malibu race a kid in a Ford Fusion. It was the Special Olympics of street-drag.
Han saves Luke twice, then when Luke saves Han from Jabba, Han says: "Now I owe you 1". No. Luke still owes 1. Space pirates can't do math.
Apparently the lollipops at the bank are for anyone . . . or the teller was afraid to say anything after I popped one in my mouth.
When someone says: "No pun intended", are they really saying: "Look how clever I was to notice this could have a double meaning"?
If you collect all of Superman's toenail clippings and combine them to make invincible body armor, that would be really cool...but gross
Sometimes I wonder if I'm the evil twin and in some alternate universe there's a nicer, clean-shaven version of me.
And the one I'll post to promote this: "Am I the first person to tag a single blog with wildebeast, Meatloaf's tits and erectile dysfunction?"
http://www.landofnodtrilogy.com/
