Heather V. Shore's Blog, page 8

Roller Coasters

I love roller coasters! We grew up going to Cedar Point in Sandusky, OH and rode them almost every summer when we visited my grandparents. They are so much fun with the twists and turn, and never knowing what’s around the next bend or corner. My son is also a dare devil and loves to ride them too. We recently rode one at the Kiddie Park in Oklahoma and it was a blast getting to watch him squeal with delight as we went around the track. My daughter didn’t care for it at all and is definitely my more cautious child.

This got me thinking about how life can be like a roller coaster. You definitely have highs and lows, and around each corner you don’t know what’s coming. To me that is exciting, but to other people that can cause concern. My 20’s were definitely a roller coaster. When married to my ex-husband, I never knew what to expect when I got home each day. Would he be in a good mood or a bad one? I would pray he was in a good mood and nothing had set him off. That was not the kind of roller coaster I wanted to ride. People like having stable homes and I’m definitely one of those people. My home life now is so much healthier, loving, and fun.

There have been many highs throughout my life such as marriage, kids, traveling, playing music, career, writing, etc. There have also been a lot of lows the last few years with my health. Those lows have recently delayed me from accomplishing several things in life, but as Michael Crossland states below you don’t give up hope.  I loved what he said in the video, “Life is like a roller coaster. You can get to a pinnacle point in your life and it can get taken away from you in a heartbeat. BUT it doesn’t matter how many times you get knocked down. It’s about how many times you get back up that truly determines the quality of your life.”

Having hope during adversity will take you so much further in life. Hope is what wakes you up each morning with anticipation.  It can also be the driving force to help you accomplish your desires and dreams, no matter how long it takes. Whether you’re riding high on your roller coaster or have hit a low, hold onto hope each day.

Romans 15:13 “May the God of Hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with Hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.”

P.S. – this video also contains the message of ‘Give Back’ and helping others. #giveback #hope

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Hands and Feet

My first year serving in BSF leadership is coming to a close this week. This year has been much needed surgery, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. 18 women were gifted to me this year. I use the word gifted because they have been the sweetest gift of encouragement, empathy, love, and support as we walked alongside each other through the year. I not only gained wonderful new friends, but hiking buddies, new connections, spiritual encouragement, and growth as a person.

We learned so much over the year, but one consistent theme throughout Romans was how will you serve others. Can you look outside yourself and learn how to be the hands and feet of Jesus? I thought Yes! I can totally do that and try to be a better wife, mom, friend, neighbor, etc. Then January came where I hit a brick wall with my health, and cancer completely derailed my intentions. Yes, I can be the hands and feet, but not when you’re so exhausted you can’t put one foot in front of the other. You also can’t focus on serving when your emotions get the better of you, causing you to be an emotional mess. Trust me, my emotions were so out of whack this past year, I was desperate to figure out what was wrong with me.

What I learned is that sometimes you are the hands and feet to others, and sometimes others are the hands and feet to you. BSF people showed up with meals and prayed over me like crazy, and my sweet in-laws came to take care of the kids for 10 days while I recovered. My husband took time off traveling to stay home, and my sweet F4M posse brought gift cards, and sent text messages checking in on me. My circles may have transitioned, but the gestures were the same. I was blown away at how well they loved and served me.

What do you do with your hands and feet? Do they serve you or serve others? Having hands that serve and feet that go is something this world desperately needs. Being Jesus’s hands and feet means more than just praying for people. It means getting dirty, and loving others when its hard. Sometimes it means walking through mourning to get to the other side of joy. It can be something as simple as a text or phone call to say you’re thinking of them. When people come to mind, I try (although I’m not always good at it) to send a text or call to let them know they’re on my mind. There’s a reason they’ve been placed there, and it’s hopefully to lend some encouragement. Support comes in many forms whether it’s emotional, spiritual comfort or financial support. Each one of us is called to support others differently and at different times.

Serving others shows up when you least expect it. Is there someone whose crossed your path you need to help? Is it your neighbor, a friend who needs a hug, or a family member whose going through a hard time? Whatever it is, be the hands that serve and feet that go. How will you serve someone today?

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Living abundantly

Living abundantly is a hope for people who have gone through hard times or suffering. Living abundantly is defined as life abounding in fullness of joy and strength of mind, body and soul. It can also motivate a person to seek a change in their life.

How does one go about creating an abundant life? This is something I’ve worked to incorporate in my life since my divorce in 2003. I longed to know what the abundant life meant and how it could be lived out on a daily basis. Along the way, I learned lessons on living abundantly through hard times. I don’t always do it well, but know the basics enough to keep them front and center.

Cultivate an attitude of gratitude. 

An attitude of gratitude means making it a habit to express thankfulness and appreciation in all parts of your life, on a regular basis, for both the big and small things alike. (https://www.huffingtonpost.com/andrew-merle/how-to-have-an-attitude-of-gratitude_b_8644102.html)

This can come about in a variety of ways.

Get up each morning and say thank you for the beautiful day.
Having quiet time in the morning, before the day gets started to reflect on things for which you’re grateful.
Keeping a gratitude journal to document the amazing things are going on in life, or the blessings of a simple things such as home or health. This can help keep a grateful perspective.
Having friends who speak truth and vitality into your life. Friends can also help keep you accountable to maintain joy in the trials.

Come together over shared experiences. 

God connected me with other women who had been abused or had been through infertility. In meeting these women, I started to see patterns that centered around God’s amazing love for them in their stories. Some of them had realized it; some had not yet experienced redemption in their stories and were still working through their intrinsic value in God. But, each woman was unique and gifted in her own way. Despite rocky paths filled with hard choices, these women smiled such radiant smiles that God’s healing handiwork was evident on their faces.  

These commonalities help bring us together when we share our stories. Our stories are what help bridge the gap when we think we’re alone in our trials. If we take the time to remember we’ve got others around us who want to help, that can bring joy to lives in powerful ways.

Find joy and hold on tight. 

Going through trials ultimately gave me a new perspective on joy. God took me on a two year journey of learning what it meant to have a spirit of joy despite the circumstances going on life. This led to my greatest perspective shift when it came to living abundantly.

First, we need the right attitude toward trials and pain. Trials come in all shapes and sizes—they may be small but can cause big change. The goal is to lead our mind to think of it as all joy. Joy is the supernatural delight in God. We will face trials, but joy is our choice!
Second, we need a right understanding of trials. God is making us stronger by producing steadfastness and producing staying power. Most people do the opposite; they complain, lash out at those around them, or run away from the trial (give up). God’s goal for us is to grow us up. He wants to see a reflection of Himself in our face.
Third, responding with “Let” will help us go a long way in the trial. “Let” should be our response. God wants to use trials to bring out the best in us. Satan wants to use trials to bring out the worst in us. It’s truly our choice in the end.
Fourth, what’s available to us as we walk through trials? Wisdom and prayer. Wisdom is seeing our trials as God sees them and asking Him to help us do that. Prayer is just flat-out asking God for help, answers, anything to help us see His work in the midst of our pain. He may answer yes, no, or maybe so, but we should always ask because we don’t know the answer until we ask.

Joy is the gift of His presence, and envelopes and protects us. Joy knows He is with us on both the good days and the horrible ones. We need to remember that He is good and that He is with us. “A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit saps a person’s strength” (Proverbs 17:22, NLT). Begin each day in joyful expectation and watch what God does.

Find freedom in Christ.

Look to God’s truth in Scripture to find freedom. His words offer sovereign truths which can break us free from the bondage of this world. “It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery” (Gal. 5:1, NIV, emphasis added). As we study His Word and look for freedom, we will discover a few truths to help us along our journey: Christ came to set us free, He binds up the brokenhearted and He reveals Himself to those who choose to follow Him.

Go out and have fun doing what you love.

Enjoy the journey you are on and find something that you love to do. This can be done with or without money.  Whatever hobby, dream or passion you have, do it. Some days I just need to get out in nature and hike. Being outside brightens my spirit, allows me to focus on other things than myself and pray while I hike. Hiking with family and others is also tons of fun.

All of these things take time to cultivate in our lives. Keeping gratitude present and holding onto joy can bring us farther in the journey than we realize. Coming together over shared experiences and having fun doing what you love can bring meaning to your life and others in abundant ways. Most of all, finding freedom on the other side of trials will help show you how live abundantly. May we all strive to live a beautiful life.

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How My Life is Changing After Cancer

Back in January life took a turn I didn’t see coming. When my doctor said my thyroid nodules had grown, I went ahead and had a biopsy done. The biopsy came back suspicious for thyroid cancer and two weeks ago, they took my thyroid out. Crazily the pathology came back with papillary thyroid cancer in both sides. While the cancer is all gone, the doctors will be watching me more closely now.

My health has taken some crazy turns the last few years. Last October, I became really tired and hit a brick wall with my energy. When I tired to hit the ground running in January it went nowhere and have been on my couch every afternoon napping. Little did I know severe fatigue is a sign of cancer.

The words ‘you have cancer’ changes not only your perspective, but shifts your focus to what’s important. Below are the changes taking place this year even while recouping from fatigue.

Spend time being present with my loved ones. This has definitely taken top priority since we are only given so many days on this earth. We aren’t guaranteed tomorrow, so my goal is to be present with my family and my wonderful friends.
Refocus on my passions. Instead of putting things off to  another day, I’ve decided to do things now. This is very hard with limited energy, but each day I’m trying to get back to the things I love.
Change what I put on my skin such as body spray, lotion, makeup, etc. This change took place a while ago, but I’ve shifted towards all chemical free makeup such as Beauty Counter, changed to natural deodorant, and found some clean fragrances to use.
Change what I put in my body by taking the chemicals out of my life. I’m in the process of cutting out all red meat, sugar and working on adding more organic vegetables. While I had shifted to this direction several years ago, I’m becoming more vigilant. All of the oils I cook with are organic and am replacing our kitchen containers with glass and stainless steal.
Change what’s in our house. We’re in the process of  removing as much plastic as possible in the house, purifying the air, and making sure chemicals are gone. We’ve also ditched all the harsh cleaning products in our house for mild natural products or even just plain vinegar.
Savor the small moments. I try to appreciate those little moments of joy in life, like laughing with my kids, kissing my husband, or driving with the car windows down on a beautiful day. Colorado has such amazing places to explore, and we’re  looking forward to family hikes this summer and vacation.
Getting back to working out. The fatigue took a toll on my workout routine, but now I’m looking into fun classes and trying new activities. Who knows, I may even sign up for another run!

All of the actions above will definitely help continue my quest in being cancer-free. However, the one thing that has kept me sane is my faith. Holding onto hope, peace and joy is the only way to combat this disease. To my friends and family combating cancer, you are heroes and have taught me to hold onto hope. Thank you for being a light through this process. Being cancer-free is something I’ll be continually grateful for each day.

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Rob Porter, the classic narcissist

Domestic violence is prevalent in today’s news. Recently, Rob Porter who resigned from the White House two weeks ago, had allegations of abuse come against him by two ex-wives.

As it turns out, the first #MeToo story to actually trip up the White House needed to be as graphic and violent as the accusations against Rob Porter. It involved a Rhodes Scholar golden boy who had been married to two old-fashioned girls. This, and indeed the entire situation, provides the perfect mirror to reflect all the ways in which systems, fail women. (slate.com)

Willoughby’s, one of his ex-wives, blog post detailing her abuse did not name Porter, but it did use her own name. It has been live since April 24, 2017. She wrote: “The first time he called me a ‘f***ing b****’ was on our honeymoon. (I found out years later he had kicked his first wife on theirs.)”

The Slate.com article detailing the graphic accusations against Rob Porter certainly struck a nerve. How did such a high-performing narcissist rise in the political ranks? Very easily due to their ability to disguise their behavior for Mr. Nice guy. What the average citizen doesn’t realize is that these men are extremely educated, charming, likable guys you would go have a beer with at the local bar. They are your next door neighbors or even your local politician. Rob Porter rose through the ranks undetected because they care greatly about their reputation despite hurting loved ones. It happens all the time, in work places all over America to unsuspecting people.

His ex-wives were probably just as unsuspecting of the abuse waiting them. The wives detailed the abuse, let others know and no action was taken. I went through the same thing. I took pictures of the abuse, told co-workers in case I never showed up to work, and reported it to the police. The only way a place of employment finds out is if the person perpetrates an act of violence in the work place. Since he played the part of Mr. Nice guy at work, why would they have suspected him? And even though there was a protection order against him, when do background checks happen at the White House? They definitely should be more thorough. The wives did the right thing in reporting him, but it fell through cracks. This is where laws need to change and causes like Ending Violence Against Women are needed to combat these issues.

For the White House not knowing, I don’t find it hard to believe. There’s a reason for separation between work and personal lives. It’s when your personal life bleeds into work that problems arise i.e. violence toward others. And to be fair to the abuser, they deserve the right to due process until proven guilty, otherwise the laws in place won’t work effectively.

 Kelly sent an email to White House staff about domestic violence, writing, “While we are all processing the shocking and troubling allegations made against a former White House staffer, I want you to know that we all take matters of domestic violence seriously. Domestic violence is abhorrent and has no place in our society.” CNN News

Rob Porter is the quintessential narcissist and should have been fired earlier than he was. To his wives, my heart breaks for the suffering they experienced. Only time heals those deep wounds. And to people who question this behavior, stand up if you see something suspicious with a co-worker. You never know whose life you might save.

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Self-righteousness keeps us from compassion

This past August it became very clear with the launch of my book that I would be moving in a different direction of healing. During the process of writing my book, I was able to remove the emotion and as a consequence didn’t shed a tear. Several people have asked, ‘Was it carthartic writing your book?’ And my answer has been yes and no. Personally, I thought I didn’t cry because I was healed from all the hurt the book represented. Not so much…

Usually my crying happens at church, or at BSF (which they’re used to now). But in August when I heard a sermon on self-righteousness, I was struck at how it impacted me and my spirit. Little did I know that a spiritual rebirth was going to be taking place and moving me closer to who God wants me to be.

Two weeks before Christmas 2017, as I answered a question at BSF leaders meeting, powerful words of encouragement and correction helped me to start moving forward. The previous week during the teaching time, our leader shared a story of her at communion. She looked up while praying as other people walked to the front of the church and proceeded to judge this lady for her attire, and then promptly put her head back down to pray. If you know our fearless leader Tina, she told this story as a joke, but also told us this sin permeates everyone’s lives. No one is better than someone else even if you think you are. The question I answered was this ‘What does the phrase ‘put to death’ teach about the attitude God’s children are to have toward their sin and where do you need the Holy Spirit’s help to change your attitude and actions?’ Whoa. My answer was ‘Not sure where to start – self-righteousness and pride. Let us not become conceited, but to have gentleness and kindness. My prayer through Romans has been to have a gentler soul grounded in Jesus Christ.’ Of course, I got called on to share my answer to the one question I didn’t want to share. As I shared, I started to cry and apologized for crying. But the sweet words of others started to fill my ears and as I proceeded to process what was being said, there was a clear message of the spirit healing old wounds from the inside out.

Why on earth am I telling you this extremely personal story? Because I believe we all go through seasons where we realize that things need to change in order to become better human beings. There has been some ugliness from my past which needs to be healed and it includes not being self-righteous or having pride. Being open about one’s sin is incredibly taboo in today’s society. People are expected to be focused on themselves, but I believe there is healing in humility. Humility will take you farther in life than believing your right all the time. So for 2018, the quote above is going to be a good reminder of how to prioritize my life, my family and focus on living humbly.  Would love to know what you are called to live out in 2018 in the comments below.

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Friendship

Moving creates new opportunities to establish new friendships. Every time we go to the park, my son Harrison meets a new ‘friend’. A couple of little boys we’ve met have actually enjoyed playing with Harrison. It’s definitely been fun to watch, but also heartbreaking because he thinks everyone is his friend even when they’re not or they have to leave.

This got me thinking about the friendship circles we’ve been through in recent years. Moving around and going through divorce has definitely lead me to be a part of different groups through different seasons. Transition from married groups, to single groups, back to married groups, and now with children has definitely brought me full circle. I hope my husband and I are able to impart some friendship wisdom to the kids as they navigate making friends in their new home town.

Be yourself and you’ll find your people. This is a difficult lesson for kids to learn. Do you remember those years where you wanted to please others in order to make friends? That’s what playground experiences are all about, learning how to navigate friendships and becoming themselves. My desire for our kids is to be loved for their exuberant personalities and joy for life.

Sometimes you’ll be friends for a season. You will have friends who come and go based on their life journeys. This lesson has been particularly hard for me with friends moving onto other things in life. Sometimes these friends have been hard to let go of and you have to remember those who are going to stay in your life will make the effort. Hope the kids learn this lesson more effortlessly than me.

You don’t have to be friends with everyone. Social media will tell you differently, but you don’t have to be friends with everyone. There’s the assumption that quantity of friendships means more than quality. There are circles of friends in life – your acquaintances, your friends who know you, and then the 2-3 best friends who truly know you. Those are the friends who have walked life with you.  I once attended a women’s conference where she said Jesus had 12 friends and only two were his best friends. My hope is that Harrison and Madelyn would find the 2-3 friends who love them for who they are and willing to walk life events with them.

You are the company you keep. There’s the old adage that you are the company you keep. Putting boundaries into place to make sure you are friends with people of same values is very important. Having gone through boundary setting in my own life, I hope to impart this type of wisdom onto the kids. You will have friends, but you want friends  who value the same things as you, and treat you with the respect you deserve. My wish is we are able to impart this wisdom to the kids before they reach the teenage years.

The playground is a great place to meet people and have new experiences. I truly hope as the years pass, we are able to bring these lessons to fruition and help the kids navigate making life-long friends who love them as much as we do.

 

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Celebration evening

What an amazing night! Lots to celebrate this week with the book release party and TV interview. So many people have walked along side us and helped through this process. You all are such dear friends. Lots of love!

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Gather

After going through a season of rejection and then realizing my need for connection, gather was the next word in the progression of healing. Gather can be defined as ‘bring together and take in from scattered places or sources.’ I also think of gather as getting people together for a movement, or a common interest.

That’s how I categorize my friendships. Each person is from a different area of our life whether its from work, church, workout friends, hobbies or new neighbors. It’s the common connection with these people which can lead to gathering together. Several people in Christian circles call it ‘doing life together’.

Doing life together is the Christian marketing term for community groups. God designed each of us to live in community and to grow in our walk with Christ. Part of the way this happens is to make sure you’re not doing life alone. Below are some of the ideas which have helped me to move forward in connecting and gathering with others.

You don’t have to be perfect to gather with others. Whether it’s through a church or a hobby group, you realize people are flawed and long for connection.
There’s no need to do it alone! You don’t have to be independent from others. We, as people, are designed for community. Community is also what’s missing from our society. Unless awful natural disasters like Hurricane Harvey happen, we do life only interested in ourselves. Whether it’s during the hard times or good times, we should help carry each others burdens and joys.
Create a safe place where people can share what’s going on in their lives. This builds trust and helps bridge the gap to something greater.
Learn to depend on one another.  This requires you opening up and sharing things you may not want to share so that others can bear your burdens and provide for your needs. It also requires a trust and an ability to cry with someone or simply listen. When others take the leap and open up, receive them and have a passion for their lives so that the pool they jump into is not found empty and unwelcoming.
God gathered and cared for the most feeblest and weakest of his people. Stepping out of your comfort zone and taking care of those around you can be exhausting, but also the most rewarding work. Isaiah 40:11 sums it well, “He tends His flock like a shepherd. He gathers the lambs in His arms and carries them close to His heart; He gently leads those that have young.”

So in the midst of relearning the above, I started to ask myself some hard questions. Am I seeking community? Are there people in my life I trust? Who has access to me and who has the guts to say something to me? Am I attempting to do it on my own? How can I love others well? These hard questions challenged me after a season of rejection. God helped moved me past all of this to find healing, comfort and a new community group. Our hope for this new group and season in life is to build relationships and to love others well.

 

 

 

 

 

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