Heather V. Shore's Blog, page 3

9 Tips to Handle Your Grieving Process

Grieving is one of the most challenging feelings you’ll face in your life. Whether you’ve lost a parent, a marriage, or a friend, you’re likely going to struggle. Nevertheless, it’s possible to get through the grieving process with these healthy habits. Heather V. Shore presents some tips to help you begin this journey.

Express Your Grief 

Expressing your grief is essential during the grieving process. Of course, everyone has different ways of handling their grief. Some people prefer to show their emotions, whereas others prefer to hide them, notes What’s Your Grief?

However, bottling your emotions up can lead to increased feelings of anxiety and loneliness. There’s been a massive change in its attitude toward mental health recently, and many companies have in-house therapists to help employees express their grief.  

Prayer

Taking our feelings to God helps soften the blow of grief. In prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, take everything to God. Philippians 4:6 Making prayer the focus of your grief recovery can make all the difference in the process.

Start Exercising 

Exercise not only benefits your body but also your mind. If you’ve always avoided exercise, now is a great time to start a routine. Take things slowly at first, and gradually work up to more involved activities. Even taking a walk outdoors is a great way to begin your fitness journey.

Learn a New Hobby 

Everyone has different ways of coping with grief. Some people like to hide inside their house and seclude themselves, which is always a bad idea. However, other people prefer to immerse themselves in a brand new hobby or pastime. Many people find that when they combine hobbies with spending time outdoors that it helps them grieve. 

Keep a Healthy Home

If you’re living in a cluttered and unorganized home, this could exacerbate your stress levels. Ask your family and friends to help you declutter, let in more natural light, and introduce some mood-boosting indoor plants. When your home is a stress-free space, you’ll find it easier to manage your grief.

Start a New Business 

It’s usual to evaluate your life when you’re grieving. However, if you’re unhappy with your career, it’s an excellent time to start a business. Starting a company based on your passions is never easy, but it’s entirely possible. 

Here are some steps:

Choose your target market. You need to choose your market based on your passion or interests. Select your marketing budget. It’s hard to build a business without a marketing strategy, so decide how much money you’ll need to market your business. A report cited by HubSpot suggests 82% of marketers focus on content marketing.Decide your niche. Without a niche, you can’t differentiate yourself from your competition. So pick one. Choose your goals. Do you want a massive exit down the line, or do you want passive income? Choose your goals wisely. Work from home. Setting up a home office and working remotely can do wonders for your mental health. Not only is stress reduced by not having to commute every day, but productivity will improve as will your work-life balance.

Accept Your Feelings 

It’s okay to grieve. Grief can bring many raw emotions to the surface, including deep childhood insecurities that destroy your mental health. Regardless of what your grief unearths, accept those emotions. 

Don’t hold in anger, loneliness, or sadness. These are emotions you need to accept. It’s hard to grow until you accept your issues. 

This is where prayer comes into play. Prayer is a powerful way to help in the grieving process. Not only is it an active way to accept your feelings, but you’re also handing matters over to God, who may very well prompt you to take measures like those listed here to both cope with grief and eventually overcome it.

Avoid Burning Out at Work 

It’s so easy to burn yourself out at work, and many employees have reported burnout from working at home. Sadly, burning out at work is common when you’re grieving. 

Here are some tips to avoid burnout:

Set boundaries. Tell your company how long you’re willing to work, and stick to it. Rest. Set aside time to rest your mind and soul through meditation, exercise, or hiking.Practice hobbies. Set yourself a specific time every day, night, or week to enjoy your hobbies. 

Heal Your Grief Now 

It can be difficult to relax and unwind when your mind is focused on grieving. But with the tips above, you’ll be able to deal with your sadness and work through the grieving process.

Image via Pexels

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Spiritual Warfare

This past year brought intense spiritual warfare. In recent weeks it has increased to a fever pitch. However, earlier this year the Lord gave me the following verses which I’ve held onto. 2 Corinthians 10:3-5 “For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” God has shown me the war I’m fighting isn’t against flesh and blood (not against those I’m in relationship with), but against the principalities of darkness. We are to take every thought captive and demolish the strongholds set against us. We are to keep our eyes on Father and not depart from His ways which are not my ways. The Lord has also spoken Isaiah 54:17 “No weapon formed against you shall prosper, and every tongue which rises against you in judgment you shall condemn. This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord, and their righteousness is from Me.” 

No weapon formed against you shall stand

When we claim Isaiah 54:17 and walk forward despite the spiritual warfare at hand, the enemy becomes scared. How does this work? We walk in authority and power. Many Christians in the West are waking up to what’s possible when they walk in truth. The truth of who God is sets you free. The truth of your identity in Christ is what makes the enemy scared.

When we believe and walk out this freedom, the enemy will throw any tactic to get you off your purpose. He’s afraid of how God’s people are standing up to fight against him and not letting anything thrown their way take them down. Now is the time to stand up for our faith and tell others there is a hope worth believing in because the Lord will fight your battles. A verse which became dear to me in my divorce was Isaiah 52:12 “For you shall not go out in haste, and you shall not go in flight, for the LORD will go before you, and the God of Israel will be your rear guard.” God continuingly reminded me that He would protect me and my family each step of the way. He protects and guards against any of the tactics the enemy throws your way.

4 ways to stand up Heal from your emotional wounds. Only when you seek healing and undo the emotional baggage created, can you walk in freedom. The enemy wants you to NOT seek freedom. Spend time with Jesus. How much oil do you put in your jar? Spending time with Jesus creates a dependency on the truth to know what is true and what isn’t. Discernment is key to walking through hard times and staying true. Speak out. The enemy wants us scared to the point of not standing up. In order to continue the momentum happening and the revival coming, we have to speak out. Standing up for the truth is hard, but He says He is our rear guard and no weapon formed against you will stand. If you feel passionately about a cause or the injustice done, stand up and speak love in truth.Praise and rejoice. Despite the circumstances or other trials, we are to praise God even when things get crazy. Rejoicing in His goodness keeps anxiety, fear and other tactics at bay. What I love is hearing how the Lord is working in each of the people’s lives I’ve met this last year. We’re headed into an exciting time, and I can’t wait to hear how the Lord leads in the coming years. Keep going

We are called to keep going. The spiritual attacks will come, but when they do, keep walking. God is our rear guard, and He will not let you down. It may feel like you are powerless to do anything, but remember, the enemy wants to keep you there. Tied up and not moving forward. He came to set you free, so bury his truth into your heart and walk forward in freedom. His truth brings authority and through authority, you will stand up to the enemy. Cheering you on!

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One Year

It’s been one year this weekend since we packed up our house, loaded the moving van and headed to Tulsa. Lots of tears happened as we said goodbye to our forever friends and our mountain home. The last few weeks have been hard. I’ve wanted to pack up and go back or run away when life was harder than usual. When you walk through trauma, your body has to heal, grieve and move on. But sometimes sitting in the loneliness of what’s happened can be a little overwhelming.

Healing

Doing inner healing uncovered a lot of the lies I believed about myself, God and others. God and I partnered on how to undo all the yuck, and in the 4-year healing journey before moving to Tulsa, I thought I was good. When 2020 happened, it became apparent that saying yes to God was going to cost us a lot. However, God brought about a new tribe of Christian friends to walk this path with my children and I. God held our hands, and moved mountains legally, financially, emotionally, and spiritually. He protected us when we couldn’t see the outcome and walked us through everything while proving to be our greatest protector and provider. Starting a new adventure has been harder than expected, but also very freeing.

Grieving

This is the thing about grief – you never know when it’s coming. I randomly started crying at the store the other day because I saw this sweet family just being a family. My counselor reminded me that this divorce wasn’t something you expected and not where you wanted to be in life. I know it’s important to cry the tears, release all of that anger and find joy and hope on the other side of the grieving. What’s been interesting is sitting, being molded and lead to move forward in a new direction all while continuing to process the grief.

Having hope

Haven’t a clue what our future holds, but there have been tiny glimmers of hope as we wade into new waters and a new season. I reconnected with Stonecroft Ministries and had a final walk-through on my talk. It’s exciting to start speaking again. Continue to grow a business at work and by God’s grace turn it into a profitable company. Received a promotion in the midst of everything. My kids are growing, healing and laughing again. All of these amazing blessings are happening even when it’s hard to put one foot in front of the other. I haven’t got it all figured out, but God does. And He’s the one I have to cling to when I don’t want to show up for life. Also, I need a beach vacation soon and ifykyk.

This is my way of being honest. The grieving has gotten less over time and replaced with more hope. So, for now, I’m holding on because in my heart I know something good is around the corner.

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One year

It’s been one year this weekend since we packed up our house, loaded the moving van and headed to Tulsa. Lots of tears happened as we said goodbye to our forever friends and our mountain home. The last few weeks have been hard. I’ve wanted to pack up and go back or run away when life was harder than usual. When you walk through trauma, your body has to heal, grieve and move on. But sometimes sitting in the loneliness of what’s happened can be a little overwhelming.

Healing

Doing inner healing uncovered a lot of the lies I believed about myself, God and others. God and I partnered on how to undo all the yuck, and in the 4-year healing journey before moving to Tulsa, I thought I was good. When 2020 happened, it became apparent that saying yes to God was going to cost us a lot. However, God brought about a new tribe of Christian friends to walk this path with my children and I. God held our hands, and moved mountains legally, financially, emotionally, and spiritually. He protected us when we couldn’t see the outcome and walked us through trauma while proving to be our greatest protector and provider. Starting a new adventure has been harder than expected, but also very freeing.

Grieving

This is the thing about grief – you never know when it’s coming. I randomly started crying at the store the other day because I saw this sweet family just being a family. My counselor reminded me that this divorce wasn’t something you expected and not where you wanted to be in life. I know it’s important to cry the tears, release all of that anger and find joy and hope on the other side of the grieving. What’s been interesting is sitting, being molded and lead to move forward in a new direction all while continuing to process the grief.

Having hope

Haven’t a clue what our future holds, but there have been tiny glimmers of hope as we wade into new waters and a new season. I reconnected with Stonecroft Ministries and had a final walk-through on my talk. It’s exciting to start speaking again. Continue to grow a business at work and by God’s grace turn it into a profitable company. Received a promotion in the midst of everything. My kids are growing, healing and laughing again. All of these amazing blessings are happening even when it’s hard to put one foot in front of the other. I haven’t got it all figured out, but God does. And He’s the one I have to cling to when I don’t want to show up for life. Also, I need a beach vacation soon and ifykyk.

This is my way of being honest. The grieving has gotten less over time and replaced with more hope. So, for now, I’m holding on because in my heart I know something good is around the corner.

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Dating after Divorce

For once, I thought it would be fun to write a different blog post. Dating after divorce has been an adventure to say the least. From the ups and downs of how to communicate or navigating how much dating has changed, I get the biggest chuckles at pick up lines and sweet intentions. The men I have met online and through friends have been incredibly kind, somewhat hilarious and have given my friends and I endless conversation. How do you date post divorce? Carefully and with intention as you figure out what makes you smile and gives life.

Dating apps and setups

Most people try dating apps and I’ve been on a couple. With most of my success being on Hinge, I’ve found some nice men to date. And some well-intentioned people have setup me up. I have viewed this whole process as sort of as an interview. You’re interviewing the other person to see if there is any potential for something more or interest beyond a photo or two. I’ve also been stood up, catfished, and sent some crazy things, which create the wildest stories. But for the most part, I’ve personally met some very interesting guys with varying professional backgrounds. Not opposed to trying it again in the future, but dating apps are time consuming and focusing elsewhere is a current priority.

Figuring out what you want

This has been the interesting part of the process. Because these apps and friends present so many options, you have to really hone in on what makes you tick and what you are attracted to. What interests do you all have in common? Are they willing to talk off the app? Actually picking up the phone is amazing. I didn’t realize people stopped calling each other. Could you develop a friendship? For me personally, does he really have faith and live that out? Does he hike, like music, outdoor activities, and travel and adventures? Does he make me smile and is he really interested in me as a person? And do I make him smile and bring him joy? My heart is to bring joy and laughter to my person. These are the fun and sometimes exhausting things you get to think about in this dating adventure.

Letting God lead

Finally surrendering this process to God has been very hard for me. I waited a year to date because of the heartache you go through when your marriage doesn’t survive. Grieving takes time. Eventually you move forward, heal and let go of any past mistakes you made. In the surrender, you find out who you are, and what beliefs need to be healed. My inner healing counselor has been graciously pushing/pulling me through the process of considering different areas that are still tangled up. We’ve worked through a lot of different questions and scenarios as my heart heals. God really is doing a redemptive work and I’m excited to see who is on the other side of this work.

For my newly single and divorced friends, we have laughed and sometimes cried, at the wonderful men we’ve dated. It has been fun and will continue to be so as we navigate this new season. I hope if you meet someone online, through friends or in real life, you cherish the person you date. They are a gift in helping you move in the right direction.

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Dating after divorce

For once, I thought it would be fun to write a different blog post. Dating after divorce has been an adventure to say the least. From the ups and downs of how to communicate or navigating how much dating has changed, I get the biggest chuckles at pick up lines and sweet intentions. The men I have met online and through friends have been incredibly kind, somewhat hilarious and have given my friends and I endless conversation. How do you date post divorce? Carefully and with intention as you figure out what makes you smile and gives life.

Dating apps and setups

Most people try dating apps and I’ve been on a couple. With most of my success being on Hinge, I’ve found some nice men to date. And some well-intentioned people have setup me up. I have viewed this whole process as sort of as an interview. You’re interviewing the other person to see if there is any potential for something more or interest beyond a photo or two. I’ve also been stood up, catfished, and sent some crazy things, which create the wildest stories. But for the most part, I’ve personally met some very interesting guys with varying professional backgrounds. Not opposed to trying it again in the future, but dating apps are time consuming and focusing elsewhere is a current priority.

Figuring out what you want

This has been the interesting part of the process. Because these apps and friends present so many options, you have to really hone in on what makes you tick and what you are attracted to. What interests do you all have in common? Are they willing to talk off the app? Actually picking up the phone is amazing. I didn’t realize people stopped calling each other. Could you develop a friendship? For me personally, does he really have faith and live that out? Does he hike, like music, outdoor activities, and travel and adventures? Does he make me smile and is he really interested in me as a person? And do I make him smile and bring him joy? My heart is to bring joy and laughter to my person. These are the fun and sometimes exhausting things you get to think about in this dating adventure.

Letting God lead

Finally surrendering this process to God has been very hard for me. I waited a year to date because of the heartache you go through when your marriage doesn’t survive. Grieving takes time. Eventually you move forward, heal and let go of any past mistakes you made. In the surrender, you find out who you are, and what beliefs need to be healed. My inner healing counselor has been graciously pushing/pulling me through the process of considering different areas that are still tangled up. We’ve worked through a lot of different questions and scenarios as my heart heals. God really is doing a redemptive work and I’m excited to see who is on the other side of this work.

For my newly single and divorced friends, we have laughed and sometimes cried, at the wonderful men we’ve dated. It has been fun and will continue to be so as we navigate this new season. I hope if you meet someone online, through friends or in real life, you cherish the person you date. They are a gift in helping you move in the right direction.

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He loves you so much

There has been such a grace on my new season it’s floored me at times. But in this new season, God has continually reminded me how much he loves us. He loves you, he loves me, he loves the homeless person on the corner, and he loves the prodigal he’s calling home. How does one know he loves you that much? Look at this weekends event – Easter. He hung on a cross, died a very painful death, and rose again, so we could have new life and sit at the right hand of the Father. Sacrificial death became love. Love that crosses time continuum’s, our finite understanding, and reaches out asking us to grab his hand. Will you grab his hand? He wants you to. He wants to love you, heal you, be your friend and give you grace.

This Easter think about what it means to be loved so much. To be loved beyond comprehending, to be loved when the chips are down, or to be loved when life is great. By accepting his love for you, you get a new companion for life who will remind you of his love. My prayer is for you to know this love, a love worth knowing. Have a blessed Easter.

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Changed

Seasons of change can be amazing and hard. Walking into new seasons with fresh eyes of hope is exhilarating. There are so many amazing lessons to learn from sitting at the wall the last two years. I recently started seminary and one of the first books we’ve had to read is ‘The Critical Journey’. In this book is the description of the spiritual journey and how people act through the 6 phases of this journey. There’s no formula or prescribed way in which to encounter God, but it gives fresh perspective of what trials can bring. Everyone’s healing journey’s look different, but some key components are necessary to moving forward.

Forgiveness

The process of forgiveness and reconciliation is complex and the central factor in the forgiving process is God. It is vital to invite God to be in the middle of it. The holistic way of addressing your issues is involving each area of our self. It involves the mind (thinking of what it is you need to do), the spirit (experiencing the lack of freedom and the need to release a person or forgive oneself), and the body (actually doing the ritual). Whether it’s inner healing, writing letters to someone you need to forgive and release or having a healing service for yourself, rituals are an important to component to letting go. The most helpful part of forgiveness is being honest about the other person’s part of the pain and your part of the pain.

Loving Detachment

Once we move into forgiveness and reconciliation, and keep our eyes on God by staying grounded in our healing experience, we will feel the what’s called loving detachment. “We can observe others’ behavior, feel sadness and grief about it, have a clear sense of our issues and boundaries, and lovingly detach from getting caught in their pain and unhealed system,” (The Critical Journey). We can love without being clingy, be honest, and love without fear. It gives us compassion on those no seems to care about and we can love our enemies. A central key to this is keeping gratitude as a centerpiece of our lives. Each day when you first get up, thank God. This helps move our hearts toward joy.

Moving Past the Wall

Moving beyond the wall (trial) and it’s intense inner work allows us to reengage our family, friends, lives and our work. It gives us the blessing of being more present in a meaningful way. This can also lead us to work directly in the field related to our pain. Sometimes we pursue full-time work related to our healing in the wall. But we do come out on the other side more compassionate, humbler, more aware of the pain of others, and more loving. Quite a transformation takes place and our life is no longer our own.

My own experience at the wall has been joyful and painful at the same time. Coming into a new season of hope and moving past the wall, has been transformative. Smiles of joy cross my face because of the freedom God has given me. God is making room for a new thing this year. Let 2022 be a time of reveling in his goodness.

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I Don’t Understand

Why I don’t understand.

There are some things about the last two years I will never understand. Not being given clarity around the demise of your marriage is very hard to digest. Having very hard conversations, asking to be chosen, going to counseling by yourself, and asking your spouse to participate and not receiving support until the very end, is something I don’t comprehend. I will never understand the timing behind everything. Knowing you thought about divorcing me for 4 years and never saying a word is painful. The pain which comes from walking through divorce especially with kids takes time to heal. The good news is we have a Savior who heals, takes away the pain and replaces it with joy.

I don’t understand.

I will never understand why I was never good enough. Your family and friends were always more important than me. Why I wasn’t worthy of being chosen? Why was being neglected okay? What did I do to cause you to never choose me? I will never know.

I don’t understand.

Why did me believing in Jesus cause you to run? We know several couples of different religious backgrounds who make things work. However, I was not worth getting to know because of what I believed. This makes me not understand.

I don’t understand.

What did the kids do to deserve this? How will you explain choosing to walk away? How can you look at those little faces and not want what is best for them? I don’t understand.

I don’t understand.

Something happened 5 years ago which caused you to get rid of me. Not sure what occurred, but I never deserved this. All I wanted was for us to have a wonderful life serving each other, our kids and others. You never took partnering with me seriously on this endeavor called marriage.

What I hope

I hope you find what you are looking for in your next season of life. My hope is you know I forgive you for your decision. I also hope you understand questions may come your way. Know that you are loved, and we wish you nothing but the best in your next phase of life.

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How to Practice Self-Care Without Being Selfish

By Emma Grace Brown

It’s extraordinarily easy to get lost in the hustle and bustle of everyday life. Sometimes it can feel impossible to get off the hamster wheel. When you finally have a plan and moments of peace seem to be on the horizon, something is bound to pop up to engulf your time.

Life is perpetually busy and will always stay that way unless you become intentional about relaxation and self-care. We are called to work and be diligent in our work, but we are also called to rest and find moments to commune with God and our communities.

There’s no one-size-fits-all recipe to what self-care should look like for everyone. If there were, then the self-care section at your local bookstore would not be so vast. However, one thing is universally true: self-care doesn’t have to cost a lot of time and money. To get you started, here are some ideas to incorporate into your routine:

Taking Care of Your Body

With the rise of modern conveniences has come the sedentary lifestyle. The average person no longer hunts, gathers, and grows their food just to survive. Most people never have careers in their lifetime that consist of grueling labor. But our bodies require movement. We need it for our internal organs to function properly, to maintain proper weight, to regulate our hormones, and — equally as important — to balance mood.

An active lifestyle doesn’t mean you have to be a gym rat. Whether you’re six, 16, or 65 years old, you can incorporate quick and easy exercises into your routine that can be done indoors or outdoors. Some examples include:

Walking — Tracking steps throughout the day and competing with another person is a way to make this fun.Yoga — Look to online videos to guide your way.Step exercises — Bump the music to get the energy going. Bodyweight exercises — Keep your body strong without overdoing it.Wii Games — There are plenty of interactive and amusing options.Observing the Sabbath

Self-care often gets a bad reputation for being mystical, vein, or even self-absorbed. While it is possible to have too much self-care that results in the neglect of others or duties, that’s not often the case for most people.

The root reason self-care is often talked about is because people often overlook their own needs and what calms them, which can result in physical and mental disasters. God Himself rested on the seventh day of creation. It’s important to intentionally observe the Sabbath, rest, lean into God, reboot, and refocus. The remainder of your days will be refreshed because of it.

What You Consume Matters

Quick and easy foods are typically highly processed and packed with fillers your body doesn’t need. Try simplifying your diet for a while to see how it feels. Focus on eating for fuel and enjoyment instead of eating for the sake of eating.

If you enjoy cooking, use rest days to meal plan and enjoy the art of cooking. A well-planned, simple diet can also be very cost-effective (i.e. less take out). Even if it’s short-lived, a simplified diet can reveal any foods that make you feel sluggish or don’t sit well with you.

We need to treat our bodies well so that we can operate as we are designed to. This is a necessity — not a luxury. And you can achieve a life balance. The more you find balance and make time for each thing that matters, you’ll also find that your productivity in every area of your life will increase. We are blessed to be created in His image, and there is no time like the present to tap into that gift.

If you found this article helpful and would like to read other inspiring content, visit heathervshore.com today!

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