Chris Byrd's Blog, page 2
August 4, 2011
Quick Thought on Wisdom - The benefits of correction
Proverbs 28:24 Those who correct others will later be liked more than those who give false praise.
I really like this advice because it is realistic. If you are giving people feedback that is truthful and will help them be better employees, spouses, parents, etc, do not expect to get immediate good response. I had some great teachers in high school whom I despised at the time. I thought they were evil and harsh. However, I later realized the benefits of their shooting me straight. I bowed up then, but am thankful now. I have had some bosses and "friends" who have shot me a line about how well I am doing, or how good I am at something, only to find out later this was hollow praise. They were just unwilling to give me the feedback I needed to improve. I think they were worried about my response more than my feelings.
If you want your children to improve and be strong contributors to society, you need to be willing to take a hit in the short term. The same applies to your students or direct reports. Are you willing to correct wrong behavior at the risk of your own status or feelings? If you are able to take a long term view of this it will work out for you. Conversely, are you guilty of providing false praise to protect the feelings of others? I don't believe you are doing them any favors and encourage you to reconsider your words.
In all this, respond in love, and remember the critiquing mantra - a positive comment, followed by the critique followed by a positive comment. If you cannot think of two positive comments, you have some work to do on your leadership!
I really like this advice because it is realistic. If you are giving people feedback that is truthful and will help them be better employees, spouses, parents, etc, do not expect to get immediate good response. I had some great teachers in high school whom I despised at the time. I thought they were evil and harsh. However, I later realized the benefits of their shooting me straight. I bowed up then, but am thankful now. I have had some bosses and "friends" who have shot me a line about how well I am doing, or how good I am at something, only to find out later this was hollow praise. They were just unwilling to give me the feedback I needed to improve. I think they were worried about my response more than my feelings.
If you want your children to improve and be strong contributors to society, you need to be willing to take a hit in the short term. The same applies to your students or direct reports. Are you willing to correct wrong behavior at the risk of your own status or feelings? If you are able to take a long term view of this it will work out for you. Conversely, are you guilty of providing false praise to protect the feelings of others? I don't believe you are doing them any favors and encourage you to reconsider your words.
In all this, respond in love, and remember the critiquing mantra - a positive comment, followed by the critique followed by a positive comment. If you cannot think of two positive comments, you have some work to do on your leadership!
Quick Thought on Wisdom - The benefits of counsel
Proverbs 27:17 As Iron Sharpens Iron, so people can improve each other.
One of the most difficult things I have ever had to learn is that I don't know everything. This may be hard for some of you to accept, but yes it is true. This has not stopped me from trying to do everything on my own. My wife and my parents have both pointed out to me that I am quick to make decisions and act, without even asking any advice from them or anyone else. I am often wrong and spend a lot of time fixing problems caused by my rash actions.
In starting my own company, I have set a goal to always look for others who can give me advice to make better decisions. This has led me to go slower, seek help from friends, seek referrals, and other actions that I would have passed right by before. I have added to my consulting business a role as of mentoring to hopefully pay it forward for the benefits others have provided me.
The bottom line of this is very clear but hard to do. Can you realize that you will be a better leader, parent, spouse, follower, etc. if you are willing to seek out and accept the input of others? Are you willing to listen? And... are you willing to be an influence to others?
People need you to help. Don't waste your wisdom!
One of the most difficult things I have ever had to learn is that I don't know everything. This may be hard for some of you to accept, but yes it is true. This has not stopped me from trying to do everything on my own. My wife and my parents have both pointed out to me that I am quick to make decisions and act, without even asking any advice from them or anyone else. I am often wrong and spend a lot of time fixing problems caused by my rash actions.
In starting my own company, I have set a goal to always look for others who can give me advice to make better decisions. This has led me to go slower, seek help from friends, seek referrals, and other actions that I would have passed right by before. I have added to my consulting business a role as of mentoring to hopefully pay it forward for the benefits others have provided me.
The bottom line of this is very clear but hard to do. Can you realize that you will be a better leader, parent, spouse, follower, etc. if you are willing to seek out and accept the input of others? Are you willing to listen? And... are you willing to be an influence to others?
People need you to help. Don't waste your wisdom!
July 12, 2011
Thoughts on Wisdom - Part 4 - What do you fear the most?
Have you ever watched one of those TV detective shows where a woman has been subject to years of abuse by her husband and then is accused of murder as a result of finally having had enough? Most often the question at hand is "why didn't she just leave?". Other times, you see a story about the homeless in New York, and you wonder, "why don't they just move somewhere else where they can get a job?"
Human nature is a very complex thing. We become attuned to our current situation, and often even if it is not the greatest in the world, we stay because it is safer that the outside world. Having just experienced five months of unemployment, I can assure you it is scary out there. I would much rather have stayed behind my desk, happy or sad. Why is that? Have you ever felt that way?
The question that starts this blog post asks what we fear the most. I believe for most of us, it is change! In fact, doctors tell us that the more change we experience, the more likely our health is to take a hit. Our physical, emotional and social characteristics are so set in current behavior that the new is difficult to incorporate in.
Now, think for a moment about the implications of this for wisdom. Wisdom is not just learning something new, but acting on it in some positive way. Otherwise it is just knowledge. The bible, for example is full of wisdom. However, the instructions describe the spiritual experience as being born again. Consider the implications of this impossible statement. As a child, we have no set behaviors. We are open to new learnings and adapt to teachings and experiences daily. A child will trust those who are teaching them to provide the right information and will accept it on faith, forming their world view from these teachings and experiences.
Using the above example as a basis, let's consider the possibilities for overcoming this fear of change. They are not very high. It requires a daily willingness to consider the new. It is an act of the will, which will then have to war against our human nature. Imagine the wife who is willing to consider the new, and have faith that there is something positive out there for her to experience. Perhaps she would be more willing to leave the bad situation.
Imagine you, willing to consider something new each day. What is there out there today that could rock your world if you would let it? Hey, talk to a democrat or republican, whichever you are not - and be open to their point of view! Talk to a Christian or a non-believer, and really listen to their point of view. Talk to a teenager or a senior citizen. At the end of the day, ask yourself: Were you open to anything at all that was shared with you... or are you afraid?
Try it and tell me how it goes!!!!!
Human nature is a very complex thing. We become attuned to our current situation, and often even if it is not the greatest in the world, we stay because it is safer that the outside world. Having just experienced five months of unemployment, I can assure you it is scary out there. I would much rather have stayed behind my desk, happy or sad. Why is that? Have you ever felt that way?
The question that starts this blog post asks what we fear the most. I believe for most of us, it is change! In fact, doctors tell us that the more change we experience, the more likely our health is to take a hit. Our physical, emotional and social characteristics are so set in current behavior that the new is difficult to incorporate in.
Now, think for a moment about the implications of this for wisdom. Wisdom is not just learning something new, but acting on it in some positive way. Otherwise it is just knowledge. The bible, for example is full of wisdom. However, the instructions describe the spiritual experience as being born again. Consider the implications of this impossible statement. As a child, we have no set behaviors. We are open to new learnings and adapt to teachings and experiences daily. A child will trust those who are teaching them to provide the right information and will accept it on faith, forming their world view from these teachings and experiences.
Using the above example as a basis, let's consider the possibilities for overcoming this fear of change. They are not very high. It requires a daily willingness to consider the new. It is an act of the will, which will then have to war against our human nature. Imagine the wife who is willing to consider the new, and have faith that there is something positive out there for her to experience. Perhaps she would be more willing to leave the bad situation.
Imagine you, willing to consider something new each day. What is there out there today that could rock your world if you would let it? Hey, talk to a democrat or republican, whichever you are not - and be open to their point of view! Talk to a Christian or a non-believer, and really listen to their point of view. Talk to a teenager or a senior citizen. At the end of the day, ask yourself: Were you open to anything at all that was shared with you... or are you afraid?
Try it and tell me how it goes!!!!!
July 6, 2011
Thoughts on Wisdom - Part 3 - who do you fear?
This is an interesting point that Solomon and his wise co-authors make in Chapter 9 of Proverbs. See if this resonates at all with you. If you are not a believer in God, this won't make much sense, but read through it and see if it helps you understand better the viewpoint of a Christ Follower.
The fear of the Lord is the beginning of Wisdom, and knowledge of the Holy One is understanding.
For through me (Wisdom) your days will be many, and years will be added to your life. If you are wise, your wisdom will reward you, if you are a mocker, you alone will suffer.
This has always been an encouragement to me. See, I am a left hander. For those of you who don't know, the life expectancy of lefties is less that that for right handers. The world has been set up to cater to the needs of those less fortunate, who have to use their right hands for everything. Americans switched to the right side of the road and put the gearshift for the right hand to help you out. Rifles and Shotguns are right handed. Scissors are made for right handers. Butter knives, chain saws, etc. It is only a matter of time until I have an accident, trying to make my way through this ridiculous right handed world. However, the fact that I know that the world has been designed for right handers creates in me an awareness that helps keep me safe, hopefully, as I may take a little extra time to make sure I don't hurt myself on these right handed things of life. I could complain and refuse to accept the fact that this stuff is right handed, but no one is going to change it, and if I ignore it, I will probably have a fatal accident before too long!
I hope this analogy brings into clarity the fear of the Lord point. See, each of us has to choose a filter by which we view the world. We are introduced to many ways of viewing the world as children, and by the time we are teenagers we often have these filters engraved in stone in our lives. For example, many of us grew up during a time when skin color was a basis for judgement. We learned this as children from our parents or grandparents, and by the time we reached high school, we had some ingrained thoughts. If you are like me, it was a lot of work to change this filter and I had to really want to. I have to filter as a lefty to make sure I compensate for backward scissors, for example.
A person will decide whether or not they believe in God based on faith and understanding. This decision is important because it will dictate where their center of the universe is. If there is no God in a person's life, they are by default the center of their life. All decisions, and all values come from themselves, and they filter all of life by these internal perspectives, which can change over time due to outside influences.
When a person believes in God, they have a new center of their universe. Now there is a new source for filters for life, and it is presented as unchanging. There are filters that come from the bible and from a spiritual connection to God. This connection is presented not as a connection made from fear but from love. So why then does Solomon use the word fear?!?! In this context, I believe the word fear is more like a respect to the point of unquestioned obedience. What this means is that because a person believes in God, they are open to seeing the world in a new light. They don't have to have the answer to every question all at once, because there is a trust in the unknown that it will someday be known, and that there is more time than just to earthly death to figure it out. There is a book called the bible which is called God's Word. The use of the term word has always been used to describe God's connection to mankind. Jesus was referred to as the word as well. The creation story tells of God speaking the world into existence.
So we have words from God, we have a spiritual connection, now what? This is the cool part of what Solomon is saying. People who have God as the center of their universe now have the keys to wisdom and understanding. They learn through the filters that are now in place, which may be entirely different than those they had as a child or teen. For some people this is very difficult, as the filters of their early worldview are still around to compete. This is why it is a journey to wisdom not a snap change. We have to unlearn and learn constantly to keep up with the journey.
Have a great day. I hope this makes sense to those of you who don't normally read God stuff.
The fear of the Lord is the beginning of Wisdom, and knowledge of the Holy One is understanding.
For through me (Wisdom) your days will be many, and years will be added to your life. If you are wise, your wisdom will reward you, if you are a mocker, you alone will suffer.
This has always been an encouragement to me. See, I am a left hander. For those of you who don't know, the life expectancy of lefties is less that that for right handers. The world has been set up to cater to the needs of those less fortunate, who have to use their right hands for everything. Americans switched to the right side of the road and put the gearshift for the right hand to help you out. Rifles and Shotguns are right handed. Scissors are made for right handers. Butter knives, chain saws, etc. It is only a matter of time until I have an accident, trying to make my way through this ridiculous right handed world. However, the fact that I know that the world has been designed for right handers creates in me an awareness that helps keep me safe, hopefully, as I may take a little extra time to make sure I don't hurt myself on these right handed things of life. I could complain and refuse to accept the fact that this stuff is right handed, but no one is going to change it, and if I ignore it, I will probably have a fatal accident before too long!
I hope this analogy brings into clarity the fear of the Lord point. See, each of us has to choose a filter by which we view the world. We are introduced to many ways of viewing the world as children, and by the time we are teenagers we often have these filters engraved in stone in our lives. For example, many of us grew up during a time when skin color was a basis for judgement. We learned this as children from our parents or grandparents, and by the time we reached high school, we had some ingrained thoughts. If you are like me, it was a lot of work to change this filter and I had to really want to. I have to filter as a lefty to make sure I compensate for backward scissors, for example.
A person will decide whether or not they believe in God based on faith and understanding. This decision is important because it will dictate where their center of the universe is. If there is no God in a person's life, they are by default the center of their life. All decisions, and all values come from themselves, and they filter all of life by these internal perspectives, which can change over time due to outside influences.
When a person believes in God, they have a new center of their universe. Now there is a new source for filters for life, and it is presented as unchanging. There are filters that come from the bible and from a spiritual connection to God. This connection is presented not as a connection made from fear but from love. So why then does Solomon use the word fear?!?! In this context, I believe the word fear is more like a respect to the point of unquestioned obedience. What this means is that because a person believes in God, they are open to seeing the world in a new light. They don't have to have the answer to every question all at once, because there is a trust in the unknown that it will someday be known, and that there is more time than just to earthly death to figure it out. There is a book called the bible which is called God's Word. The use of the term word has always been used to describe God's connection to mankind. Jesus was referred to as the word as well. The creation story tells of God speaking the world into existence.
So we have words from God, we have a spiritual connection, now what? This is the cool part of what Solomon is saying. People who have God as the center of their universe now have the keys to wisdom and understanding. They learn through the filters that are now in place, which may be entirely different than those they had as a child or teen. For some people this is very difficult, as the filters of their early worldview are still around to compete. This is why it is a journey to wisdom not a snap change. We have to unlearn and learn constantly to keep up with the journey.
Have a great day. I hope this makes sense to those of you who don't normally read God stuff.
Thoughts on Wisdom - Part 2 - who do you share your wisdom with?
King Solomon was not the kind of person to really hold back his feelings on a subject. You ever know a person like that? They just lay it all out there and expect you to receive it without caring one bit whether or not you are helped or insulted. Apparently, I am like that a bit, and have spent some time trying to repair relationships where my intentions were good, but my methods were suspect. Like the time I told the neighbor's kids in front of their mom that someone was going to call the cops on them someday if they didn't stop pestering the little kids? Not the best move I have ever made. The intent was to help them put a price on negative behavior but the mom was ticked off at me for about two months. Yikes. In the end, they realized my intentions, but I tiptoed around for a while in the side yard.
Here is some straightforward wise advice from the 9th chapter of the Proverbs of Solomon and others. The chapter is often subtitled, invitations of wisdom or folly.
Leave your simple ways and you will live; walk in the way of understanding.
Whoever corrects a mocker invites insult; whoever rebukes a wicked man incurs abuse.
Do not rebuke a mocker or he will hate you; rebuke a wise man and he will love you.
Instruct a wise man and he will be wiser still; teach a righteous man and he will add to his learning.
This is an interesting point of view for me, as I have always been one who goes after those who are mockers or doubters, or even wicked, with the ideas that I can somehow change them. I believe that Solomon is speaking not about the gift of compassion which means you care about someone who does not believe what you believe. He is, instead, speaking about how wise people invest their time.
Each of us has those people we care about, and we want them to have a good life and be successful. Especially in our families, our churches, our neighborhoods, we have people that we just want to encourage or support even though we don't agree with their lifestyle or their points of view. I don't think this is the situation Solomon is addressing at all. We all need to care about others and try and support them as they seek the truth in life.
Solomon is really talking more about how we prioritize our lives. Think for a minute about how you spend your time with others. If you are a business leader, how much time do you spend trying to bring up the performance of the weak employees, or those that don't fit, at the expense of those who could benefit from your guidance and really change the company? Who have you withheld your wisdom from that could have grown and become even wiser, as they would take everything you give them and grow with it?
As a teacher, do you find yourself always trying to convince the skeptic, rather than develop the willing learner? As a parent, do you recognize the difference in your child's friends, the ones who can receive wisdom and the ones that mock it? Can you help your child see the difference?
I believe Solomon is giving us a great model for investment in others. Whether through mentoring, teaching or leading, it is as important to select those with whom you share your wisdom as it is the content. There will be those who cannot or will not receive what you have to say or demonstrate with a willing spirit, and it falls off them like rain off a roof, spilling down and running off, wasted. Solomon says even more than wasted, it can actually evoke feelings of hatred toward you from those who are not inclined to hear it. Imagine, being so full of wisdom, wanting to share it, yet being hated for doing so? Sounds irrational, but if we examine our circumstances, we can all think of times when we were resented for saying something. I have seen my kids, when they were at the less wise points in their lives, really hate the times when I sit them down to share what I think is good wisdom and learning for them. In one ear and out the other, it appears. I have seen leaders, who did not want to think me wiser than them, turn full away from my message to prevent it from influencing their decisions.
The point is this. Love unconditionally, look for opportunities to help a "mocker" want to be wise, but invest your wisdom in those who will appreciate it and learn from it. The world needs a new generation of wisdom quickly, and we don't have the luxury of choosing who is willing to receive it.
Here is some straightforward wise advice from the 9th chapter of the Proverbs of Solomon and others. The chapter is often subtitled, invitations of wisdom or folly.
Leave your simple ways and you will live; walk in the way of understanding.
Whoever corrects a mocker invites insult; whoever rebukes a wicked man incurs abuse.
Do not rebuke a mocker or he will hate you; rebuke a wise man and he will love you.
Instruct a wise man and he will be wiser still; teach a righteous man and he will add to his learning.
This is an interesting point of view for me, as I have always been one who goes after those who are mockers or doubters, or even wicked, with the ideas that I can somehow change them. I believe that Solomon is speaking not about the gift of compassion which means you care about someone who does not believe what you believe. He is, instead, speaking about how wise people invest their time.
Each of us has those people we care about, and we want them to have a good life and be successful. Especially in our families, our churches, our neighborhoods, we have people that we just want to encourage or support even though we don't agree with their lifestyle or their points of view. I don't think this is the situation Solomon is addressing at all. We all need to care about others and try and support them as they seek the truth in life.
Solomon is really talking more about how we prioritize our lives. Think for a minute about how you spend your time with others. If you are a business leader, how much time do you spend trying to bring up the performance of the weak employees, or those that don't fit, at the expense of those who could benefit from your guidance and really change the company? Who have you withheld your wisdom from that could have grown and become even wiser, as they would take everything you give them and grow with it?
As a teacher, do you find yourself always trying to convince the skeptic, rather than develop the willing learner? As a parent, do you recognize the difference in your child's friends, the ones who can receive wisdom and the ones that mock it? Can you help your child see the difference?
I believe Solomon is giving us a great model for investment in others. Whether through mentoring, teaching or leading, it is as important to select those with whom you share your wisdom as it is the content. There will be those who cannot or will not receive what you have to say or demonstrate with a willing spirit, and it falls off them like rain off a roof, spilling down and running off, wasted. Solomon says even more than wasted, it can actually evoke feelings of hatred toward you from those who are not inclined to hear it. Imagine, being so full of wisdom, wanting to share it, yet being hated for doing so? Sounds irrational, but if we examine our circumstances, we can all think of times when we were resented for saying something. I have seen my kids, when they were at the less wise points in their lives, really hate the times when I sit them down to share what I think is good wisdom and learning for them. In one ear and out the other, it appears. I have seen leaders, who did not want to think me wiser than them, turn full away from my message to prevent it from influencing their decisions.
The point is this. Love unconditionally, look for opportunities to help a "mocker" want to be wise, but invest your wisdom in those who will appreciate it and learn from it. The world needs a new generation of wisdom quickly, and we don't have the luxury of choosing who is willing to receive it.
June 17, 2011
Thoughts on Wisdom - Part 1
So, with a blog called Wisdom Selling, I ought to at least talk about wisdom once in a while. I believe wisdom is the use of knowledge for the betterment of something, whether it is your life, your job or your relationships. My favorite wise guy, King Solomon, had some excellent thoughts on wisdom, which can relate directly to business, family and life. He spoke in proverbs, which are kind of an if, then format. He spoke very logical and really did not leave a way out on the path to wisdom.
I thought I would take a few posts and dedicate them to reviewing some of these proverbs that can help. There are 31 groups of proverbs which is real convenient to read one group a day.
This one is from the 24th group.
It takes wisdom to have a good family, and it takes understanding to make it strong. It takes knowledge to fill a home with rare and beautiful treasures. Wise people have great power and those with knowledge have great strength. So you need advice when you go to war. If you have lots of good advice, you will win.
This bit of advice really resonates with me because I have always been the kind of person who made decisions on my own. I decided about college on my own, made my decisions about what to study and how hard to work without any advice or mentoring, and chose my first career without getting any opinions that mattered. I suffered through a difficult and costly personal relationship because I was afraid to leave it, and did not have anyone who I trusted to give me advice to stop the relationship, much less to keep from letting it escalate to the costly end it had.
I went through periods of darkness related to being alone, with the difficulties related to the stubbornness of making all my own decisions. It wasn't until later in life, where I realized I was not happy in my job that I finally asked my parents for their opinions on a new career. They helped me see the wisdom of a particular choice. My wife has always been available, but until recently I was unable to express myself in a way that allowed her to have an opinion she felt mattered.
To win requires knowledge, so that you know what to do when the time comes to do it. Wisdom is knowing when to do what you need to do, where, and how much. In building a business plan it take alot of knowledge about markets, products and customers, but success comes from the wisdom to act, stay, change, remain solidly planted, increase, decrease. These are choices that are the implementation of knowledge. We aren't naturally able to make these decisions without instruction, mentoring and input from others.
Without these inputs from others, we never become bigger than our current capabilities. The entire consulting industry has value because of this reality. There really is synergy in the collective wisdom of a group of two or more! That is why I went into consulting myself. I found in my previous employment that there were all sorts of unsolved business challenges. You probably have experienced the same in your business, ministry or personal life. People would come to my office with a problem to be overcome in our operations. We would turn to the white board, and over the course of the next 30-60 minutes a solution would begin to take shape.
The cool thing was that it often felt like I already knew the answer, but then as I stared at the solution on the board, humility would sink in. The idea on the board was better than anything I had in my head, and demonstrated what Solomon was saying in the proverb. So you need advice before you go to war (business operations, family development, relationship development, etc). If you have lots of good advice you will win.
Chris Byrd is a business strategy and workforce development consultant with Wisdom Selling Solutions.
I thought I would take a few posts and dedicate them to reviewing some of these proverbs that can help. There are 31 groups of proverbs which is real convenient to read one group a day.
This one is from the 24th group.
It takes wisdom to have a good family, and it takes understanding to make it strong. It takes knowledge to fill a home with rare and beautiful treasures. Wise people have great power and those with knowledge have great strength. So you need advice when you go to war. If you have lots of good advice, you will win.
This bit of advice really resonates with me because I have always been the kind of person who made decisions on my own. I decided about college on my own, made my decisions about what to study and how hard to work without any advice or mentoring, and chose my first career without getting any opinions that mattered. I suffered through a difficult and costly personal relationship because I was afraid to leave it, and did not have anyone who I trusted to give me advice to stop the relationship, much less to keep from letting it escalate to the costly end it had.
I went through periods of darkness related to being alone, with the difficulties related to the stubbornness of making all my own decisions. It wasn't until later in life, where I realized I was not happy in my job that I finally asked my parents for their opinions on a new career. They helped me see the wisdom of a particular choice. My wife has always been available, but until recently I was unable to express myself in a way that allowed her to have an opinion she felt mattered.
To win requires knowledge, so that you know what to do when the time comes to do it. Wisdom is knowing when to do what you need to do, where, and how much. In building a business plan it take alot of knowledge about markets, products and customers, but success comes from the wisdom to act, stay, change, remain solidly planted, increase, decrease. These are choices that are the implementation of knowledge. We aren't naturally able to make these decisions without instruction, mentoring and input from others.
Without these inputs from others, we never become bigger than our current capabilities. The entire consulting industry has value because of this reality. There really is synergy in the collective wisdom of a group of two or more! That is why I went into consulting myself. I found in my previous employment that there were all sorts of unsolved business challenges. You probably have experienced the same in your business, ministry or personal life. People would come to my office with a problem to be overcome in our operations. We would turn to the white board, and over the course of the next 30-60 minutes a solution would begin to take shape.
The cool thing was that it often felt like I already knew the answer, but then as I stared at the solution on the board, humility would sink in. The idea on the board was better than anything I had in my head, and demonstrated what Solomon was saying in the proverb. So you need advice before you go to war (business operations, family development, relationship development, etc). If you have lots of good advice you will win.
Chris Byrd is a business strategy and workforce development consultant with Wisdom Selling Solutions.
May 25, 2011
Why should people care what I think?
Sat around yesterday for a while with the poo bird on my bottom lip. For those of you who don't know what that is, it is one of those annoying behaviors people have. A person is pouting, and the antagonist says, "The poo bird is going to land on that lip", and tries to put two fingers down on the lip like a bird landing. Ridiculous except for the fact that I have done it to others many times.
I was pouting because I had done some clever posting (I thought) and no one had responded. I had even set up a contest to allow someone to get a free book of wisdom from Barney Fife. Who wouldn't want that? Well, as the day went on and no one had any comments or found the book on my store site for free, I began to wonder about all the things I say to people. Does anyone really care about what I think?
Hey, this is a question we all could ask ourselves at one time or another. We feel like there is knowledge or wisdom in our heart just bursting to get out, and there is no one there to receive it. After a while, if we are not careful we just get to the point where we don't even want to communicate anything. You know, however, if I were to succumb to the issues of what of what other people think about me, I would be going against the dictates of my first book, The 70 Percent Solution (of which I was giving away two yesterday!).
I have observed recently that there is an imbalance in the force, so to speak. People who I have come in contact with (the other people, not you who are reading this) seem so interested in getting their stuff out, that there is very little capacity for taking info in. This has created in me two different feelings, which are colliding with each other regularly. The first feeling is the one I felt above - "when is someone going to listen to me?" but the second is "This person really needs someone to listen to them."
It is sobering to realize how rampant that need is. People want to be listened to. They are so full of knowledge, thoughts and feelings that no one seems to have time to hear, that they almost bust trying to get it all out when the opportunity arises. They will talk about themselves, their families and their problems to almost anyone who stops and takes the time to focus on them.
Think about the implications of this in your different roles. For example, in your family relationships. Are you listening with focus? Are you seeing who in your family is hungry to be heard? What about at your work? Do you really take time to listen to the person, or are you evaluating content constantly for value? And what about those you serve, such as your customers? Are you constantly steering conversations to the things you want to talk about? Are you willing to invest in the person or just the sale?
The downside of this line of questioning is it requires us to deal with the fact that if we invest in listening, the return might not be in being heard. It might just be the knowledge that the other person received the gift of being listened to.
I hate that. I want my listeners and I want them now!!!!!!!!!
Well now that my little tantrum is over, I am refreshed and ready to listen to whatever you have to say. Oh, and if you want to have people read your posts, don't put them up at 10:45 AM. Who looks at Facebook then? And - the book is still out there. Click up top on thebyrdstore link and find it first.
Listen for the benefit of others today. You might just get enough joy to overcome not being listened to.
I was pouting because I had done some clever posting (I thought) and no one had responded. I had even set up a contest to allow someone to get a free book of wisdom from Barney Fife. Who wouldn't want that? Well, as the day went on and no one had any comments or found the book on my store site for free, I began to wonder about all the things I say to people. Does anyone really care about what I think?
Hey, this is a question we all could ask ourselves at one time or another. We feel like there is knowledge or wisdom in our heart just bursting to get out, and there is no one there to receive it. After a while, if we are not careful we just get to the point where we don't even want to communicate anything. You know, however, if I were to succumb to the issues of what of what other people think about me, I would be going against the dictates of my first book, The 70 Percent Solution (of which I was giving away two yesterday!).
I have observed recently that there is an imbalance in the force, so to speak. People who I have come in contact with (the other people, not you who are reading this) seem so interested in getting their stuff out, that there is very little capacity for taking info in. This has created in me two different feelings, which are colliding with each other regularly. The first feeling is the one I felt above - "when is someone going to listen to me?" but the second is "This person really needs someone to listen to them."
It is sobering to realize how rampant that need is. People want to be listened to. They are so full of knowledge, thoughts and feelings that no one seems to have time to hear, that they almost bust trying to get it all out when the opportunity arises. They will talk about themselves, their families and their problems to almost anyone who stops and takes the time to focus on them.
Think about the implications of this in your different roles. For example, in your family relationships. Are you listening with focus? Are you seeing who in your family is hungry to be heard? What about at your work? Do you really take time to listen to the person, or are you evaluating content constantly for value? And what about those you serve, such as your customers? Are you constantly steering conversations to the things you want to talk about? Are you willing to invest in the person or just the sale?
The downside of this line of questioning is it requires us to deal with the fact that if we invest in listening, the return might not be in being heard. It might just be the knowledge that the other person received the gift of being listened to.
I hate that. I want my listeners and I want them now!!!!!!!!!
Well now that my little tantrum is over, I am refreshed and ready to listen to whatever you have to say. Oh, and if you want to have people read your posts, don't put them up at 10:45 AM. Who looks at Facebook then? And - the book is still out there. Click up top on thebyrdstore link and find it first.
Listen for the benefit of others today. You might just get enough joy to overcome not being listened to.
May 18, 2011
Are you making memories or meaning in your life?
I am reading a great book - "Mentor like Jesus" by Regi Campbell. In it, he talks about how memories fade away, but meaning stays forever. You can take a child on a vacation to DisneyWorld and they will forget much of what they do that day, but the message you are sending as a parent is priceless. It makes a meaningful impact. Mentoring is a way to make a meaningful impact by pouring your life into others.
Memories are nice for a season. For example, I have a picture of a golf green in Scotland with a ball sitting four feet from the hole. It has significant memory for me, but when I die picture will likely be thrown away. However, I have taught my sons to play golf, and that will have meaning forever.
I don't want to steal too much of Regi's thunder, but I do have a copy of his book available for purchase at thebyrdstore.
Oh... the memory of that photo? Here it is:
There I was. On the tee box of the most beautiful and interesting course I had ever played. Old Prestwick, in Scotland. It was the home of the first British Open. Old Tom Morris was the greens keeper, and the trophy for "The Open" as it is now called was named after him.
On one side is the Irish Sea. Along the golf course western edge is a walkway used by the residents of Prestwick as they go from the train station to the town's edge, or as they plan to visit the beach for a day in the sun. It meanders in and out of the dunes, right up onto the edge of the course. If a golfer is particularly bad, they can take out a slower pedestrian.
The golf course is right on the edge of the town, and when you park there, you are able to walk anywhere in the town you would like to go. Pubs as far as the eye can see, full of delightful foods and even a bit of Guinness draught poured the correct way (don't be in a hurry)! The numerous selections certainly make choosing the 19th hole a challenge for the golfers each day.
From the parking lot you pass by the caddies, waiting for the Americans to arrive, wanting the walking experience, but too lazy to carry their own bags. I of course, was forced to carry my bag, since I was playing with my boss who always carries his. They were nice enough, but you could see in their eyes that questioning look of what kind of skill level these guys from America might have that they don't need their help.
When you tee off on the first hole, the right side of the fairway bumps up against the railway tracks. Oh yes, over there the trains run all the time, and they are fair game for the errant drive. Fortunately, we were able to get off the first tee without any permanent damage to the community.
The course is not very long. As you might imagine, with the boundaries defined forever, there was little chance of making the course challenging to the professional golfers of today. The old wooden play club, spoons, niblicks and scrapers would have been fun to play and experience the real test of the course, but with our modern technology we were driving over and around much of the historic trouble spots.
My score was pretty good for the front nine – the out. You know, in the old days, the first nine holes went away from the clubhouse and the back nine in, that is why you see out and in on the scorecard. Coming in, I lost my hearing in one ear for a while, carelessly standing right next to it while ringing the bell for the par 3 that indicates all clear.
The match is back and forth through the last few holes until we arrived at the 18th tee box, which is where this story began. The hole is about three hundred and fifty yards, with a slight bend to the right. On the right side of the fairway is the long gorse grass that is the bain of any golfer's existence. My boss hits a nice drive out to the middle, and is in good position to win the hole and the match. I decide right then and there that I am going for it. The hole was a little shorter if you hit right over the gorse. Anything goes wrong, however, and the match is likely over. I wind up with my youthful limber back and give it the swing of a lifetime. The ball lifts off like a model rocket aimed at the clubhouse (did I mention the green was right by the clubhouse and right in front of the caddie shack?). It is a long moment before the evidence is clear. This shot has a good chance of getting to the green. At last the ball lands and begins to roll. Across the fairway it scoots. Arriving at the green it continues its journey, tracking toward the hole. For one unbelievable moment it appears like the ball might go into the hole. Going just a bit too fast, it hits the flagstick and bounces away about four feet.
Yes, I did do it. I danced on the tee box in front of my boss.
Now we had to walk to the fairway, wait on him to hit and then proceed toward the inevitable praise from the small group of wise, knowledgeable caddies standing by the green. When I arrived, there was silence. Nothing. I guess they needed more proof that I was the world's greatest golfer at that moment. Only four feet to go for this miraculous eagle and victory.
So, do you think I made the putt?
Memories are nice for a season. For example, I have a picture of a golf green in Scotland with a ball sitting four feet from the hole. It has significant memory for me, but when I die picture will likely be thrown away. However, I have taught my sons to play golf, and that will have meaning forever.
I don't want to steal too much of Regi's thunder, but I do have a copy of his book available for purchase at thebyrdstore.
Oh... the memory of that photo? Here it is:
There I was. On the tee box of the most beautiful and interesting course I had ever played. Old Prestwick, in Scotland. It was the home of the first British Open. Old Tom Morris was the greens keeper, and the trophy for "The Open" as it is now called was named after him.
On one side is the Irish Sea. Along the golf course western edge is a walkway used by the residents of Prestwick as they go from the train station to the town's edge, or as they plan to visit the beach for a day in the sun. It meanders in and out of the dunes, right up onto the edge of the course. If a golfer is particularly bad, they can take out a slower pedestrian.
The golf course is right on the edge of the town, and when you park there, you are able to walk anywhere in the town you would like to go. Pubs as far as the eye can see, full of delightful foods and even a bit of Guinness draught poured the correct way (don't be in a hurry)! The numerous selections certainly make choosing the 19th hole a challenge for the golfers each day.
From the parking lot you pass by the caddies, waiting for the Americans to arrive, wanting the walking experience, but too lazy to carry their own bags. I of course, was forced to carry my bag, since I was playing with my boss who always carries his. They were nice enough, but you could see in their eyes that questioning look of what kind of skill level these guys from America might have that they don't need their help.
When you tee off on the first hole, the right side of the fairway bumps up against the railway tracks. Oh yes, over there the trains run all the time, and they are fair game for the errant drive. Fortunately, we were able to get off the first tee without any permanent damage to the community.
The course is not very long. As you might imagine, with the boundaries defined forever, there was little chance of making the course challenging to the professional golfers of today. The old wooden play club, spoons, niblicks and scrapers would have been fun to play and experience the real test of the course, but with our modern technology we were driving over and around much of the historic trouble spots.
My score was pretty good for the front nine – the out. You know, in the old days, the first nine holes went away from the clubhouse and the back nine in, that is why you see out and in on the scorecard. Coming in, I lost my hearing in one ear for a while, carelessly standing right next to it while ringing the bell for the par 3 that indicates all clear.
The match is back and forth through the last few holes until we arrived at the 18th tee box, which is where this story began. The hole is about three hundred and fifty yards, with a slight bend to the right. On the right side of the fairway is the long gorse grass that is the bain of any golfer's existence. My boss hits a nice drive out to the middle, and is in good position to win the hole and the match. I decide right then and there that I am going for it. The hole was a little shorter if you hit right over the gorse. Anything goes wrong, however, and the match is likely over. I wind up with my youthful limber back and give it the swing of a lifetime. The ball lifts off like a model rocket aimed at the clubhouse (did I mention the green was right by the clubhouse and right in front of the caddie shack?). It is a long moment before the evidence is clear. This shot has a good chance of getting to the green. At last the ball lands and begins to roll. Across the fairway it scoots. Arriving at the green it continues its journey, tracking toward the hole. For one unbelievable moment it appears like the ball might go into the hole. Going just a bit too fast, it hits the flagstick and bounces away about four feet.
Yes, I did do it. I danced on the tee box in front of my boss.
Now we had to walk to the fairway, wait on him to hit and then proceed toward the inevitable praise from the small group of wise, knowledgeable caddies standing by the green. When I arrived, there was silence. Nothing. I guess they needed more proof that I was the world's greatest golfer at that moment. Only four feet to go for this miraculous eagle and victory.
So, do you think I made the putt?
May 17, 2011
Where the heck are you going?
If you are a guy like me, you have inevitably heard those words as you take the exit beyond the one you intended to take, and rather than re-enter the interstate and go back one exit, you turn on your internal GPS and start your cross country small road attempt to end up where you intended to go. In your mind you know exactly where you expect to end up, and it is not your fault if if those with you can't see it. In fact, they may know exactly where you are trying to go as well, but just can't see it from the route you are taking.
Our natural response? "Just be quiet, I know what I am doing." Ha! I have had to stop more than once and ask as a result of having set off in a direction that seemed right at the time but put me in a place where no road seemed to get nearer to my goal.
Oul lives our companies and our ministries can experience the same situations, and we as leaders cannot afford the luxury of just turning and trying any old road with the expectation it will take us where we want to go, without the support of those along for the ride with us. Sometimes the wise move is to turn around and go back to the interstate, but sometimes that way is not open to us and we have to keep going in a direction we think will take us toward the goal.
I have two pieces of advice for you this morning. First, you need to communicate clearly to those riding with you why you are going the direction you are headed, and make sure they understand as well your level of certainty. It is ok for those with you to leave breadcrumbs for the possibility of backtracking, but they need to be on board with the direction and the risk. After all, you are the leader. Take the time to talk about things in a positive but realistic manner. You never expect to lose, do you? However, you may have to change the gameplan a little to ensure success.
My second piece of advice is be willing to stop and ask for direction. A small bit of tweaking to a plan can in some cases redirect you back toward the goal, rather than allowing you to move further away, and eventually forcing a backtrack. Consider having a mentor who will give you feedback from his or her experiences. Also, consider having someone audit your plans and from the outside critique the direction based on your goals.
Visit WisdomSelling.com for more thoughts on this idea.
Our natural response? "Just be quiet, I know what I am doing." Ha! I have had to stop more than once and ask as a result of having set off in a direction that seemed right at the time but put me in a place where no road seemed to get nearer to my goal.
Oul lives our companies and our ministries can experience the same situations, and we as leaders cannot afford the luxury of just turning and trying any old road with the expectation it will take us where we want to go, without the support of those along for the ride with us. Sometimes the wise move is to turn around and go back to the interstate, but sometimes that way is not open to us and we have to keep going in a direction we think will take us toward the goal.
I have two pieces of advice for you this morning. First, you need to communicate clearly to those riding with you why you are going the direction you are headed, and make sure they understand as well your level of certainty. It is ok for those with you to leave breadcrumbs for the possibility of backtracking, but they need to be on board with the direction and the risk. After all, you are the leader. Take the time to talk about things in a positive but realistic manner. You never expect to lose, do you? However, you may have to change the gameplan a little to ensure success.
My second piece of advice is be willing to stop and ask for direction. A small bit of tweaking to a plan can in some cases redirect you back toward the goal, rather than allowing you to move further away, and eventually forcing a backtrack. Consider having a mentor who will give you feedback from his or her experiences. Also, consider having someone audit your plans and from the outside critique the direction based on your goals.
Visit WisdomSelling.com for more thoughts on this idea.
May 15, 2011
Help out my friend Ailton. Shop at thebyrdstore.com and all sales this week will go to his ministry in Brazil
Here is his story. Hello friends,
I'm living some special experiences here in Sao Jose as urban missionary and I'd like to share to you.
In this week I took my ball and went to a basketball court in a poor area to practicing some plays. That is a dangerous area such as gangs area, and was interesting the reaction of kids to seeing me lonly play basketball. They closed to me and asked me to play together, was awesome teach them some skills and drills, the most of them never had held a basketball before. Nobody play basketball on that court so they was happy in play with me. After some time I got away and went walking around of neighborhood with my ball. I walked for about one hour I could see some points of traffic of drugs, gang places, people buying and selling drugs and many kids on the streets. But what called my attention was the reaction of the kids on the streets, several of them said: "Look at that guy, he plays basketball, wow!". I felt like a celebrity! This was amazing because some of them asked about where I played, and if I could do some play like spin the ball on the fingers and things like that. I came back home with a sensation of the fields are ready to harvest here.
Another day I was training in a basketball court in my neighborhood at 8 pm and a boy asked to training with me. He said that nobody use that court to play basketball and kids use drugs there, some minutes later we could feel the smell of marihuana in the air.
I need confess that as pastor I never had walked for location like that and pay attention to the great opportunity to reach the kids in this places. I've felt a special calling of God to preaching the gospel on the courts. In this city many kids that not go to the churches are in this places ready to being reach for men that carry a ball in the hands and a message in their heart.
I wanna be that man, with a ball and a message. And you?
In Christ,
Ailton Tertuliano
I'm living some special experiences here in Sao Jose as urban missionary and I'd like to share to you.
In this week I took my ball and went to a basketball court in a poor area to practicing some plays. That is a dangerous area such as gangs area, and was interesting the reaction of kids to seeing me lonly play basketball. They closed to me and asked me to play together, was awesome teach them some skills and drills, the most of them never had held a basketball before. Nobody play basketball on that court so they was happy in play with me. After some time I got away and went walking around of neighborhood with my ball. I walked for about one hour I could see some points of traffic of drugs, gang places, people buying and selling drugs and many kids on the streets. But what called my attention was the reaction of the kids on the streets, several of them said: "Look at that guy, he plays basketball, wow!". I felt like a celebrity! This was amazing because some of them asked about where I played, and if I could do some play like spin the ball on the fingers and things like that. I came back home with a sensation of the fields are ready to harvest here.
Another day I was training in a basketball court in my neighborhood at 8 pm and a boy asked to training with me. He said that nobody use that court to play basketball and kids use drugs there, some minutes later we could feel the smell of marihuana in the air.
I need confess that as pastor I never had walked for location like that and pay attention to the great opportunity to reach the kids in this places. I've felt a special calling of God to preaching the gospel on the courts. In this city many kids that not go to the churches are in this places ready to being reach for men that carry a ball in the hands and a message in their heart.
I wanna be that man, with a ball and a message. And you?
In Christ,
Ailton Tertuliano
