Joshilyn Jackson's Blog, page 24

State of the Union, Part *@&!@^#^$_)

That's navy talk for Part 2. Aka "the part I magically deleted."

I worked for three days on that entry…It is hard to write in an entertaining and rollicking fashion about being JUST SO DAMN BORINGLY SAD, but I managed it. That's why it took so long.

And then…I somehow managed to delete it. It is GONE. It was, I am sure overly navel gazey and maybe even over-sharey, so maybe the accidental deletion of an essay I spent THREE HOURS OF MY LIFE I WILL NEVER GET BACK writing was Angelic mercy.

But...

A Brief Digression from The State of the Union

First of all, you are amazing. You are. You are beloved and best. THANK YOU for the comments—I cannot even…

And I am not done talking about this. Especially since you have been so amazing and generous in your talking back and making me feel less root veggied.

See how that entry said PART ONE. There IS a part two. And maybe a three. But the TWO, it is ALMOST finished. Like really I have 1000 words of it, ALREADY WRITTEN, so I MEAN IT. But it is taking me time…SOCK ME NO PINK SOCKS.

But I have t...

The State of the Union: Part One

This turnip is experiencing anticipation and hopeful love. Or it is a stalker.

I am about as self actualized as your average turnip.

That may not be fair to turnips.

Perhaps your AVERAGE turnip sits around thinking, "I am crunchy! I am wholesome! My nature is serene root-vegetable-y-ness. I understand my potential as food, and lovingly recognize that I taste completely terrible unless I have been so thoroughly soaked in cream and butter and cheese as to render me nutritionally toxic to the...

Be Sweaty, Be Smelly, Be Weepy

I LOVE THIS PLACE: Be Yoga. They have a HOT Yoga room, where you do Yoga in a sauna. After BE BASIC they place this wet washcloth SO cold it has little ice crystals in it over your eyes, and TWICE it has felt SO good that I have silently wept into it. I come out smelling like a goat and my hair is wet through. I freaking LOVE it.

Five years ago, I theoretically hated Yoga.

But I am an endorphin junky with a bad back and a knee I blew out riding horses, so I tried it. Just COLD yoga at...

Four Ways to Know You Are Old

1) You go on a date with your husband, and you pick FRIGHT NIGHT, the remake, because you both saw the original and loved it when you were teenagers. Once at the movie theatre, you look at all the posters, and MANY of the movies being advertised are remakes of movies you saw when you were teenagers, and the rest are INSTANTLY reminiscent of iconic movies you saw as teenagers, so that you come to understand you have, indeed, seen at least one version of EVERY POSSIBLE HUMAN MOVIE, and are...

You Are Lucky To Know Me (a festival of self loathing in three parts. By which I mean, one part.)

You ARE lucky to know me. Because I am So Cool, Is Why.

Also, you are lucky to know me because I don't ever do anything I say I am going to do, and this lets you feel better about yourself, because you probably do do at least SOME of the things you say you will do.

For example, I do not write FAQs or set up mailing lists. MORE ON THIS ASPECT OF MY GREATNESS LATER. PROBABLY.

I say probably because I do not, apparently, write part twos, and you LOVE that, when I do a part one and then not a...

Nutshell Sans Context — PART ONE

1) Selfless Non-Self Promotion: If you are a Decatur Bookfest Goer, you can bid on this auction.

It is to idle away a delightful hour at the Brick Store Pub with me and Susan Rebecca White, which means you can support youth literacy BY DRINKING.

Also, if you look at the author picture they used, you are apparently bidding to have drinks with me WHEN I AM IN MY THIRTIES. That means I get to have drinks with you BEFORE my forehead grew these terrible rage-horn shaped vertical wrinkles, and ...

Pre-Nutshell

Mathilda, the Algonquin's cat. She isn't FAT. She's just...PLUSH.

THIS WEEK I will nutshell a few of the THOUSAND things I wanted to tell you on the blog this week, but could not, because I was on retreat and the internet was spotty and my technology was obstreperous and recalcitrant and vexatious and obdurate and many many other fifty cent words that I am using here in lieu of the HIDEOUS REAMS OF PROFANITY I actually used to describe the technology (and its mother) when I was trying to ...

Matched Set

(I had to cut this down to make it fit on Twitter, which I did because it was too long to tweet, but really too short for a blog. But here I am, blogging the actual word for word version ANYWAY, because I am STILL so dern charmed by it.)

SO…

Me: *coming up the stairs behind him and bending down to poke at his lower legs* These here are your shanks.

Him: What?

Me: YOUR SHANKS. And if I were to murder you and cook them and serve them for dinner, it would be Osso Buco.

Him: No. It would be AWESOME B...

This I Like

I am in a funk. BLERRRRG. Scott has been out of town for a week, is why, so I am EXHAUSTED. When he goes away, my regulation insomnia becomes Insomnia Double Plus Plus.

I am unpleasant.

I do not bathe.

The potted basil looks droopy and instead of getting the hose I think at it, "OH WAH, Cry, why don't you, and hope your tears can water your OWN dern roots."

I say things mean things to cat. (I say them in a NICE voice, so he doesn't KNOW I am saying mean things. But I know. And they are...