Emilie Wapnick's Blog, page 3

A Spring Equinox Ritual for Inviting Transformation

Ahh. For those of us in the Northern Hemisphere, spring has (almost) sprung. And, if you’re a multipotentialite, that means that you’re probably already knee-deep in a number of different projects. Having so many competing priorities and juggling multiple tasks makes it critical for us to have regular check-ins with ourselves. 

For me, the astrological seasons provide a perfect framework for this. Observing them with super simple rituals helps me to stay in tune with my ever-changing priorities and adjust where necessary. You don’t have to necessarily “believe” in astrology to benefit from it. You can simply take cues from it and use them in your personal growth journey. If you saw my article on ditching new year’s resolutions, you will have also seen a little introduction to how we can observe the astrological seasons. In a series of articles over the next year, I’ll delve a bit deeper into each of these seasons, sharing a simple ritual that can help you make the most of its associated energy.

So, where better to start than the astrological new year?! After a restful and reflective start to the calendar year, it’s time to change gears and get into action mode. This ritual is designed to help you do exactly that. Ready? Let’s go!

What is the Spring Equinox?

The Spring Equinox is a point in time when the Sun crosses the Earth’s equator. That is, the Sun does not appear to be North or South of the equator but rather in line with it. This causes us to experience roughly equal hours of day and night across the world, hence the name equinox. There are two equinoxes every year: one in March and one in September. 

The Spring Equinox is in March for those in the Northern Hempishpere and in September for those in the South. The March equinox is also called the astrological new year, as it’s when the Sun moves into the part of the sky known as Aries, the first sign of the zodiac. The energy of the Spring Equinox relates to initiating new things and planting seeds that will put you on the path to the life you desire.

Ready to lay the foundations for your dream year?

Step 1: Schedule time

The Spring Equinox is usually around 20th March for those of us in the Northern Hemisphere and 20th September for those in the Southern Hemisphere. As the date creeps closer, be sure to book time in with yourself to dedicate to this ritual. For a lot of us, if it’s not in the calendar, it simply won’t happen. Make the appointment in your diary so that you don’t forget! Your ritual doesn’t have to be at the exact time of the equinox—anytime that week should be fine. Even if it ends up being a couple of weeks past the date, I always think it’s better to do it late than not at all.

Step 2: Create a healing space

Whether you decide to do this ritual out in nature or in the comfort of your home, put some intention into your environment. Ensure you won’t be disturbed, choose a clean and calming space and make sure things like lighting and ventilation are on point. You can also add crystals, candles or any other touches that will make your space feel that bit more magical.

Step 3: Do, Be, Have

The calendar new year, January 1st, has become a natural time for reflection for many of us. So hopefully you’ve already had some ideas on what you would like to change or enhance this year. Now it’s time to put this into concrete terms! On a piece of paper, write the following statements and fill in the blanks.

By the end of this year, I will be…

By the end of this year, I will be doing…

By the end of this year, I will have…

Write whatever comes to mind. For guidance, the first statement (be) usually relates to the kind of person you want to be, the second statement (do) usually relates to how you want to spend your time and energy, and the final statement (have) usually relates to material possessions and physical environment.

Step 4: Get specific

Now, for each statement, get specific about how you can actually achieve this. What needs to change? What support do you need? What do you potentially need to give up? For example, maybe one of your statements was: By the end of this year, I will be working for myself so the specific intention could be This year, I will save x amount of money, gain y amount of clients and leave my corporate job.

Step 5: Break it down

Since we’re working with the astrological seasons here, there is a built in time frame for you to break your intentions down into mini goals. What do you need to achieve by the summer solstice, fall equinox and winter solstice to realize your dreams? Staying with the example above, maybe you’ll write something along the lines of:

By the Summer Solstice:

Have $5,000 savedStart creating branding materialsDecide on services

By the Fall Equinox:

Have $10,000 savedContact at least 20 potential clientsWebsite / social pages live

By the Winter Solstice:

Have $15,000 savedHave at least 2 clientsGet client testimonials

By the Spring Equinox

Have $20,000 savedQuit job!Step 6: Plan your immediate actions

The Spring Equinox is all about taking action, so it’s time to zoom in on your first set of outcomes and see how you can start taking steps to making them a reality. Look at your list of outcomes to achieve by the summer solstice. Write down some actions that you can start from today to help you get there. You’ll need to do this again each quarter for the next round of outcomes. Back to our example, you might write:

Between now and the summer solstice, I will:

Cancel my gym membership and work out three times a week at homeSell old clothes and homeware on eBayStart doing meal prep on Sundays and limit take outs to once a monthStart talking to friends and family about my new freelancing gigCreate my logo, brand messaging and company name

This step helps your overall intentions to feel closer and more manageable, as well as giving you actions to take right now while you’re still motivated.

Step 7: Celebrate

It might sound strange, me asking you to celebrate before you’ve even done anything! But this process of mapping out your dreams and the path you’ll take to achieve them is something. And it’s something many people never take the time to do. You should feel incredibly proud of yourself for having such vision, and you should celebrate out of excitement for where this journey will take you. How you celebrate is totally up to you.

And that’s it! You’ve taken advantage of the Spring Equinox energy of initiation and started to make real change in your life. As with anything, this isn’t a one and done kinda thing. Be sure to revisit your intentions and actions regularly, and to check in on immediate action steps every quarter. I don’t know about you, but I can’t wait to see what life is like come the next astrological new year!

Your turn

What major changes would you like to see in your life by this time next year? Do you feel this ritual could help you on your way? We’d love to hear your experiences in the comments!

Doing/being/exploring ALL THE THINGS is easier with a community!

Did you know we have a private community of hundreds of multipotentialites from around the world? We support each other, share advice and cheer each other on as we building lives and career around ALL our passions.

Learn more about the Puttyverse and get notified next time we open the doors:

The post A Spring Equinox Ritual for Inviting Transformation appeared first on Puttylike.

Puttyhustle 101: Building a Foundation for your Future Business

So you find yourself standing on the cusp of what might become your brand new business or side-hustle. You have an idea of what you want to do, and you’re excited about doing it! There’s just that small matter of figuring out exactly how to execute your idea…

Like you, I was recently (I mean, very recently) in a similar position: with an idea for the business I want to launch in the next year or so, but uncertain about what I could do right now in pursuit of that goal. While there are plenty of guides related to the legal and financial considerations involved in launching a new side-hustle business or freelance operation, I wanted to be more intentional about the stages of planning that come before those parts of the process.

Since I’m currently a full-time grad student, I don’t plan to “fully” launch my freelance music production and composition business, Studio Cerulean, until 2024. But I’m not just waiting around! In the meantime, I want to take on a few more music production clients, grow my network of collaborators, and gain experience by working on my own projects. Even though I’m not quite ready to prioritize my freelance business yet, I am taking steps to prepare myself and think honestly about the future I want to pursue for myself and my future business.

For multipotentialites, it can be especially important (and equally difficult!) for us to take a pause in order to refine and clarify our ideas, especially when it comes to projects we’re passionate about and excited to pursue. Even if you feel you’re in a position where you technically could launch your freelance business at this very moment, chances are that you can still benefit from taking some time to intentionally establish a strong foundation to build your business.

Based on my experiences so far, here are some of the considerations that have helped me the most in planning to more fully launch my business in the near future. Thinking through these steps has helped me to feel more prepared, less overwhelmed, and ultimately more confident in the decisions I am making today to build my dream business tomorrow.

1. Identify your initial focus & consider future plans to broaden it

At first, you will likely want your focus (or focuses) to be fairly specific and easily definable, to enable you to represent yourself effectively to potential clients or customers. I know—for some multipotentialites this might feel difficult, or even impossible. But hear me out: in order to build a positive professional reputation and build trust with your community of clients, your initial freelance efforts should be focused in the areas where you feel most confident in your skills. As you establish your reputation in those areas, you may feel comfortable branching out into other related areas when you feel adequately prepared.

At the same time, you shouldn’t wait to take on your first clients until you feel like you’re one of the best in your industry! For those of us with perfectionistic tendencies, “waiting until we’re ready” could lead us to indefinitely postpone what we’re actually ready to start right now. Realistically, we learn and gain expertise through hands-on experience, and it’s possible to create work that you’re proud of right now—even though you’ll be able to do much better in the future. Don’t let imposter syndrome deny you the joy of doing hands-on work in support of your goals right now.

In my case, I will start out by focusing primarily on music production for local artists and multimedia composition for independent projects. As I gain more experience and build a community of collaborators, I will aim to build my clientele to include other artists beyond my local network. When I can demonstrate that my skills in audio mixing meet professional standards, I may add that to my offerings. But since my main interest and expertise lies in collaborative production, that will be my primary focus as I work to establish my business.

2. Decide how to get your feet wet & prepare to launch your business

Maybe you have a solid skill set in a particular area but don’t feel quite ready to market yourself as a professional yet. Or, you might want to test out whether you actually like working in an area that you’re interested in before you take action to prioritize it. If you’re not ready yet, it doesn’t mean that you can’t take concrete steps to get there. Your process will be unique to you, and could involve seeking out mentorship in the area you want to pursue, taking on a few clients that you know personally to build up your portfolio, or participating in a class or workshop to help solidify your abilities.

When we can trace a direct line between what we’re doing and our hopes and goals for the future, we feel a stronger sense of direction that helps us pursue—and hold onto—the dreams that bring the most meaning to our lives. Taking small steps now to prepare yourself to confidently launch your next endeavor can have a tangible impact on your life, both now and in the future.

3. Set guidelines for yourself in relationship with your new business

While recognizing that these ground rules can and will evolve over time, I have found it crucial to establish some guidelines for myself and how I want to engage with my new business. This process of creating boundaries can involve setting hours for yourself, establishing how many clients you want to take on at any given time, or creating a schedule of occasional projects that will help prepare you to launch your business.

Using myself as an example, I am a full-time master’s student who also has two part-time teaching jobs that I value and regular freelance writing agreements with two media outlets. I agree with what you’re thinking—I can’t spend too much of my time launching a business right now! That being said, I have allotted a few hours each week to take steps like building and maintaining my website and incrementally experimenting with new production tools to build on what I’m doing in my classes. I also plan to work with up to three production clients this year, a limit I set to preserve the quality of my work and avoid unnecessary overwhelm. These guidelines work for me right now, and I will certainly change them when I more formally launch my business and seek out more clients and collaborators.

4. Start small (maybe really small)

If, like me, you’d like to lay a foundation for your business but aren’t in a position to fully launch yet, consider taking a few meaningful baby steps in the direction you want your business to go. Maybe it’s time to take on your first few clients or freelance gigs, or to sell your first products at local fairs or events that highlight small businesses. These first experiences won’t be perfect, so don’t expect them to be! Instead, remind yourself that every freelancer and entrepreneur starts somewhere, and the only way to become experienced is through, well, experience.

For me, the first steps toward building a foundation for my business included releasing a portfolio on Soundcloud, saving up to improve some of the hardware and software in my home studio, and producing a friend’s album. Each of these actions were small but tangible steps that helped me build and maintain a confidence that I’m on the right path, while also incrementally moving me closer to my future business goals.

5. Be honest about where you want your business to go & embrace it!

Maybe you see this business idea as a fresh and exciting side hustle opportunity, and you plan for it to stay that way. In this case, you would plan to invest less of your time, energy, and resources into the business both now and long-term, limiting how much space the side hustle can occupy within your life.

Alternatively, you might view your business idea as something that you hope to grow into your primary occupation or source of income in the future. If this level of growth is truly what you want to work towards, recognize and embrace that from the beginning. If you feel strongly in your gut that you want this business idea to evolve into your primary focus, don’t do yourself a disservice by treating it like a hobby.

Either way, recognize that building a business or freelance hustle from the ground up will take time, patience, hard work, and vision. While you can’t expect massive growth and results right away, going in knowing that you want your new venture to become a major part of your life will help you to make more strategic decisions and prioritize planning for your future.

Your turn

If you’re planning to launch a business or side-hustle, what excites you about the path ahead?  If you already have experience launching a business, did any parts of the process surprise you ?

Doing/being/exploring ALL THE THINGS is easier with a community!

Did you know we have a private community of hundreds of multipotentialites from around the world? We support each other, share advice and cheer each other on as we build lives and careers around ALL our passions.

Learn more and join the Puttyverse community here:

The post Puttyhustle 101: Building a Foundation for your Future Business appeared first on Puttylike.

How I Let Go of Perfection and Embraced My Good-Enough Job

How many jobs should a multipotentialite have? If you only have one job, are you really a multipotentialite?

In How to Be Everything, Emilie describes four work models that multipotentialites use to earn money, find meaning, and enjoy the variety of interests they need to feel fulfilled. Emilie explains that each work model can provide you with what you need to be fulfilled as a multipotentialite, but each in very different ways. As a big fan of Emilie’s book, I knew I was supposed to learn that all four work models are authentic to the multipotentialite lifestyle, and that none are better or worse than each other.

But, until today, I didn’t really believe that. Welcome to the mind of a recovering perfectionist.

I felt shame about being the wrong kind of multipotentialite…

I have a pattern with this kind of perfectionistic thinking. Not so long ago, I confessed that I was pretty sure that you could be the wrong kind of multipotentialite, and that the only wrong kind was me. Unlike the more noble, pure multipods who pursued multiple interests “just because,” I seemed to have an uncanny ability to turn every one of my pursuits that started out as “just for fun” into a credential, a job, or a credential that led to another job.

…but I felt pride about being the right kind of multipotentialite worker

While I felt shame about being the wrong kind of multipotentialite on the inside, I felt immense pride about being what I believed was the right kind of multipotentialite worker on the outside. I faithfully implemented all of my Elder Millennial generation’s advice about side hustles and multiple streams of income. Except for investing in real estate. I didn’t do that.

If you’re anything like me, you might find it too easy to go overboard with the Slash approach: “having two or more part-time jobs and/or businesses that you flit between on a regular basis.” (p. 58) Perfectionism can tempt you into accumulating way too many part-time jobs, or into working beyond actual part-time hours at each job until they become unsustainable. I thought the solution was to become a hustler, not a grinder (ugh), but that wasn’t it either. This Slash approach to multipotentialite work requires the ability to say no, firmly. As a longtime graduate student, I hadn’t learned how to do that. So I burned out. And then I burned out again. Something had to change.

At first, I rejected the idea that a multipotentialite could just have one job

As I tried to find another work model that could really work for me, the only one I rejected outright was the Einstein approach: “having one full-time job or business that fully supports you, while leaving you with enough time and energy to pursue your other passions on the side.”

My immediate reaction was: What a waste! Why would I pursue a passion on the side when I could spend that time turning it into a part-time job? 

Emilie named this work model after Albert Einstein. In the early 1900s, keeping a full-time job as a patent officer gave Einstein the financial freedom, time, and energy he needed to pursue his passions on the side. When you are Albert Einstein, these passions include developing the theory of special relativity, which is a pretty good way to spend your spare time. 

If it was good enough for Einstein, why wasn’t it good enough for me?

I secretly feared that surrendering to my need for only one job would disqualify me from my brand-new membership in our multi-passionate community (and possibly my entire millennial generation). Before I had the hindsight to see what I was doing to myself again, I plunged into another needless multipotentialite identity crisis with questions like: Aren’t you wasting your potential as a multipotentialite if you only have one job? If no one can tell you are a multipotentialite at work, are you really even a multipotentialite?

Letting go of shame allowed me to authentically embrace the Einstein approach

If I just made you really nervous (or really angry) by asking these questions, you are not alone. In 2019, former Puttylike writer, Kristin Wong, wrote a brilliant article called “Don’t Let Anyone Shame You for Having a Day Job.” So many readers responded to that article by explaining why they embrace the Einstein approach! I wish I had seen it earlier. Some of you have always known which work model was right for you, while others like me have only recently let go of the shame to finally see the value—and validity—of the multipotentialite work model that is authentically yours. 

If you’re like me, and overlooked the Einstein approach in the past, here are some questions that might make you want to take a second look.

When it comes to your finances, does stability rank higher than flexibility?

No matter how I try to be more “go with the flow,” the truth is that I can’t relax into life until I believe I have the financial stability to meet my basic needs. An Einstein-style job can give you the stability you need to feel safe enough to pursue the passion projects that thrill you.

Do you find it difficult to separate your identity from your work?

Until very recently, I never expected to have a life outside my work. Like one Puttylike reader, all my dreams centered around finding the perfect job. We both put all our eggs in the career basket until each of us found that perfect multipotentialite job! This was the Group Hug, which Emilie describes as “one multifaceted job or business that allows you to wear many hats and shift between several domains at work.”

Here was the unexpected problem I faced with my Group Hug job: When I believed that I had found the perfect job, I unconsciously decided that I had to become the perfect worker to deserve that perfect, holy-grail of a Group Hug job. My work and my identity became one and the same, until it was my whole personality. And, for too long, I was proud of it. I wasn’t aware that the pressure I was putting on myself was once again not sustainable.

Do you struggle with setting boundaries?

I was shocked to discover that there is such a thing as liking your day job too much. Multi-passionate kinfolk who struggle with perfectionism or people-pleasing: I am talking to you. Liking, then loving, then needing my perfect job (including needing to feel needed) gave me an excuse to be consumed by it. I called what I was doing “work-life integration” and absolved myself of any responsibility to put boundaries around my Group Hug job.

You may be tempted to skip past this section because you absolutely do not like your day job too much. I’m here to tell you that this also applies if you actually hate your day job, but secretly know that no one can do your job like you do. If you recognize yourself in this article and you don’t like it, it could be time to start delegating tasks to others. They’ll never be as good as you, dear multipotentialite, but they will be good enough. If you strongly disagree, it may be time to consider the Einstein approach. I used this work model as my permission slip to choose a job that was good enough, instead of the love of my life. Now I can say “that’s enough work for today” and leave it there without guilt or shame.

Do you yearn for a work-life balance?

As a child of immigrants who was also an enthusiastic member of a religious youth program called the “Calvinettes” (no, really), I learned early on that the solution to most things was (more) work. I thought I was being a good Calvinist by believing that seeking pleasure was indulgent, and that I could manage to live life without leisure until I retired. I also used work to manage difficult emotions. 

When I was stressed or sad, I used work to distract myself. When I felt out of control in my personal life, I depended on my work to make me feel in control of something again. That was a direct route to burnout yet again. If this was the year you told yourself you would finally get back to that multipotentialite hobby you used to love, the Einstein approach can help.

Does your joy and meaning come from more than just your work?

Embracing an Einstein approach to work has allowed (forced?) me to get a life. It gives me permission to do things I can’t quantify in a balance sheet. I’m learning how to enjoy personally meaningful activities as time well spent, even when they don’t help me retire earlier or promise me a generous return on my investment. Pursuing passion over payment grants me the freedom to do things badly, and to be unskilled without the pressure to spend extra time becoming good enough at something to earn an income doing it. As my colleague Lisa Aikman says, “Not all hobbies are for mastery.”

What multipotentialite work model really works for you?

I chased my one “perfect” multipotentialite job until I realized it didn’t fulfill me in the ways I dreamed of. I pursued other passions with such intensity that they too closely resembled yet another part-time job. Perfectionist thinking about the purpose and meaning of work robbed me of the simple joys of doing things for fun. An Einstein work model helps me feel at peace with who I really am and what I really need as a multipotentialite. 

As a multipod community, the ways that we work are as diverse as the gifts we have to offer the world. But you are even more than your multipotentialite gifts. Sometimes you will need to summon the courage to advocate for yourself, the human at the center of all those passions and all that drive.

I have learned how important it is to meet our perfectionistic urges and ideas about being the “right” kind of multipotentialite with self-compassion. The truth is that failure is a valuable part of learning. It’s ok to get a lot of things wrong about who you are and what you really need as a multipotentialite while you discover a life that feels just right.

Your turn

What did you get wrong about work as a multipotentialite? What work model is currently working – or not working! – for you? What advice do you have for other multipotentialites who might be feeling shame about not being “authentic” enough?

Doing/being/exploring ALL THE THINGS is easier with a community!

Did you know we have a private community of hundreds of multipotentialites from around the world? We support each other, share advice and cheer each other on as we building lives and career around ALL our passions.

Learn more about the Puttyverse and get notified next time we open the doors:

The post How I Let Go of Perfection and Embraced My Good-Enough Job appeared first on Puttylike.

A Multipotentialite-Multipotentialite Dating Story

Nearly two months ago, when I matched with Kanav on a dating app, I did not for a second anticipate that he was a multipotentialite. I found it endearing that his entire dating app personality was woven around his love for tacos. As a multipotentialite, it felt wholesome to see someone so committed to one thing! There was something charmingly sincere about a person with such an intense passion for Mexican street food that he had related all his descriptions of himself and his life to it.

When we first matched, my conversations with Kanav were largely slow (not over three sentences a week, each) and we didn’t have a lot in common to talk about except sports. Over time, we started exchanging sports memes and when sharing our day’s updates felt limiting on the dating app chat, we decided to exchange our respective social handles to escalate our interest in one another.

I was not prepared for what followed.

This seemingly straightforward individual, with his bizarre love for tacos, turned out to be a fellow multipotentialite. In the subsequent fortnight, over a lot of meme-sharing, I learnt that he is an erstwhile golfer, a bird-watcher, a passionate data scientist and a podcast host. In addition to being all of these, he is a self-conferred wine connoisseur and a dad to a puppy. In my decade-long experience of dating and writing on romance and relationships, I could not have anticipated this. For me to find a fellow multipotentialite was also in contrast to all my previous dating experiences. I had been accustomed to a certain sense of “oppposites attract” with the people I dated. 

It hit me like a bolt of lightning when I realized I was dealing with someone very similar to me, who is wired in a familiar way. Although we do not have many specific passion projects and hobbies in common, we are alike in more ways than I’ve been with previous romantic partners. With Kanav, I find that our sense of fulfillment not only comes from sharing an affectionate bond with one another but also finding joy in supporting each other through our various interests and ambitious projects that we have both undertaken in our respective lives.

Discussing these pursuits with him makes me feel at home, since he gets what it’s like balancing multiple projects and hobbies all at once, along with day job and side gigs. I haven’t had to explain to him how and why I prioritize certain activities over others—and sometimes even over spending time with him. He gets it, and that’s how I know he’s a multipotentialite. In turn, I offer him the same comfort zone, to share where he is at with his many projects and pursuits, and I find myself cheering for him when he shares regular updates. 

It is comforting to know I have found someone from this community, but it is also deeply intriguing to see what dating a multipotentialite looks like, as a fellow multipotentialite. As a serial dating geek, I have had to turn this around on myself and prod. What would it be like if someone dated “me” or others like me? How would a multipotentialite negotiate a romantic relationship with another multipod?

There is no set road map for multipotentialite dating

One of the first things you realize after you encounter a fellow multipotentialite in the dating space is that the standard rules don’t apply. You have to dissociate from common dating guidelines and relationship advice, because they cater to people with a certain—often not multipod-friendly—lifestyle.

Many dating conventions are just not designed to accommodate the passion projects of, not one but TWO, whole individuals. I can speak for most multipotentialites when I say that dedicating long hours to work and hobbies is not us trying to show disrespect or lack of interest in our relationships—it is a way of life for us. Online pop culture and relationship advice, however, doesn’t take this into account. For example, a suggestion about being in touch with your partner multiple times a day may not work for all of us. The standard rules are never right or wrong. In fact, they can completely fail if you take them at face value. 

So where is a multipotentialite to go for dating tips? While I am usually a big fan of turning to reddit and Quora for relationship advice in times of distress, most of the people on those forums don’t understand the context of your life, in addition to that of your multipotentialite partner. What I do recommend is cherry picking from advice offered to see what works for you and your partner. For years, the LGBTQIA+ community as well as individuals in the ethical non-monogamy space have tried this approach of taking what works for them and building on from there towards a holistic idea of boundaries in their respective relationships. Avoiding one-size-fits-all, dogmatic approaches to life is a must for multipotentialites, especially when it comes to our boundaries and our time.

Instead of approaching dating with militancy and seeking absolute answers, look for a “vibe check” with your partner. See if they are on the same page as you in shaping what dating will look like for you two. Do you prefer spending weekends alone or together? Do you share regular updates on your projects and exchange frustration when your respective project doesn’t work the way you anticipated? Do you both even have the bandwidth to share your time and space with a partner?  In my (limited) experience, dating a multipotentialite should be just as fun as willingly starting another passion project. After all, you’re both consenting to spending some of your precious time together!

Define your dating rules by setting boundaries

So, you’re a multipotentialite dating a multipotentialite. In my case, my multipotentialite date works a day job and squeezes in regular time for his hobbies and active projects. He also battles with social anxiety. When we hit five weeks of exchanging texts daily on social media without a meeting (a date?), most forums advised me to chuck my date and move on with my life. This argument is common, with the standard justification being that there are “plenty of fish in the sea” who are willingly available and ready to meet. However, common wisdom did not account for the fact that I was partially to blame for the situation, as well. I was occupied with work, hobbies, social events and passion projects.

Protecting the life you’ve built for yourself is healthy. You get to decide how (or if) another person fits into that life. If there’s one single rule of thumb for multipod-multipod dating, it is that you two set your boundaries in tandem, with what works best for you in the moment. 

Forge a path that is conducive to your boo and you walking together on it. Communicating your attachment style, discussing your love language and sharing vulnerabilities are often a good starting point. You can also take time to check in with one another on the boundaries you need to set in order for your individual projects to retain their identity without having your personalities merge. 

In the case of Kanav and me, we offer each other a lot of room to breathe and function as individuals. To us, it is critical to continue to exist in our respective lives as individuals. We will align parts of those lives over time, at a pace comfortable for both of us, set by us.

Balance is key

When multipotentialites date specialists, we often see our partners as our anchors. Some help us arrive at clarity, while others encourage us to dive deeper. When two multipotentialites find themselves in the same spot with the same need for fulfilling desires and passions, who gets to play the rock? 

It is in finding a balance that a relationship with a fellow multipotentialite can truly thrive. While you and the partner should retain the enthusiasm for dating one another, it is equally important to retain that enthusiasm for building one another up as multipotentialites. If you choose to date a multipotentialite, you’ll have to show up at times when your partner needs to bounce ideas off of you. Conversely, you’ll be able to seek support from your partner when you are overwhelmed or have bitten more than what you can chew. In balancing your roles as anchors to each other, you and your partner can experience a lot of personal growth. As a bonus, being a helpful and supportive “putty-partner” to your bae—while balancing your own needs and priorities—might just win them over for life!

In finding a balance of supporter and supported dynamics, it is critical to maintain adequate space for yourself, and to encourage the same for your partner. Both of you enjoy varied interests and have diverse and fulfilling lives. It’s probably part of what brought you together in the first place, and you want to hold on to that.

As multipotentialites, you both need unwavering support, space and time to pursue your respective paths. Merging paths and dating a multipotentialite should mean expanding on behavior that not only fuels the best in you but also encourages your partner to do their best without overwhelming them. The key to achieving this is finding the balance between extending your wholehearted support to your partner, looking out for yourself, and allowing yourself to be held and supported by your multipotentialite partner.

Your turn

Have you encountered a fellow multipotentialite in a romantic setting? How would you approach dating if you met a multipotentialite on a dating app? Share your thoughts—or make a love connection? —with the community in the comments.

The post A Multipotentialite-Multipotentialite Dating Story appeared first on Puttylike.

How to Make Healthy Comparisons—and Why You Should Try It

One of my slightly bad habits involves looking up famous people whom I admire and then seeing what, exactly, they were doing when they were my age. This used to be a fun and somewhat vague goal-setting activity, in which I would find out what say, David Bowie, was doing when he was 22 years old so I could try to achieve something similar by that age. But when I recently entered what allegedly are considered my mid-twenties, this little exercise started to become a bit less fun.

I just turned 24, and while I realize it would sound ridiculous to think of this as “old” it does feel strange given that my early twenties were largely consumed by a global pandemic. I was struck by Neil’s recent article about the significance of birthdays and the influence of our societal (and internal) expectations associated with ages. Discovering what someone you admire was doing when they were your age (or younger) can easily provoke feelings of inadequacy, dread, or even failure. Comparing ourselves to other people using this framework will always create unfair comparisons and ultimately do us a disservice.

For multipotentialites, any comparisons we make between ourselves and other people will be especially flawed. You, as a multipotentialite, probably haven’t dedicated as much time or resources to one specific pursuit as someone who’s a specialist in that area. On the other hand, you are likely highly skilled in numerous other areas in a way that specialists tend not to be. For these reasons, a happy, fulfilled, and successful multipotentialite’s life can look very different from the life of a happy, fulfilled, and successful specialist. So why do we tend to compare ourselves to people whose paths will likely look very different than our own?

At the same time, as we discover more successful and inspiring multipotentialite role models, we may also find ourselves comparing our current work and life situations to theirs. Several flaws can exist in these comparisons too, since people who have already dedicated time, effort, and resources to developing a multipotentialite-friendly career model and lifestyle may appear to be “ahead” of us in life. 

If you’re like me, comparing yourself to other people feels almost like a reflex. My mind often forms comparisons before I’m able to intervene with logical considerations, like whether it’s even reasonable to compare myself to a particular person or whether anything beneficial can come of it. But as I started to give more thought to this topic, I realized just how often I catch myself making comparisons between myself and other individuals—whether they be public figures or people I know personally.

I initially thought that it would be ideal to just stop comparing myself to other people. After all, stop comparing yourself to others is a fairly familiar piece of advice, and a cursory search returns plenty of listicles offering tips for avoiding social comparisons. But I ultimately realized that, since the mental reflex of forming comparisons happens so quickly, the energy I would spend trying (unsuccessfully) to suppress them would be better spent reframing the comparisons I do make. More importantly, I also recognized some clear instances in which forming social comparisons has actually served me in a constructive way in the past.

A happy, fulfilled, and successful multipotentialite’s life can look very different from the life of a happy, fulfilled, and successful specialist.

Since it’s difficult to quash comparisons before they’re formed in my mind, I decided to come up with a new way of thinking about comparisons, and a straightforward method to make them healthy and constructive rather than negative and potentially toxic. (Take that, anti-comparison listicles!) I have been applying this way of thinking about comparisons for about six months now, and it has helped me be more fair to myself in considering where I am in life, and it has also tangibly benefited my overall mental health.

When I find myself forming a comparison, here are five questions I immediately ask myself. These questions mainly center on reframing comparisons that hold the potential to make us feel inadequate or inferior—and if we’re being honest, most comparisons we form have the capacity to do that! These questions enable me to quickly frame comparisons in a constructive way rather than allowing them to become negative.

1. Why did I form this comparison?

Comparisons often arise in our minds as a result of a particular event or interaction, and the origin of a comparison can affect the way we relate to the comparison moving forward. Clearly identifying why you find yourself forming a comparison between yourself and someone else is the crucial first step in making it constructive.

For example, when you meet someone new for the first time who has several things in common with you, your mind may naturally form a comparison. In another instance, maybe one of your friends or colleagues just received an accolade for their work and it leaves you feeling a bit insecure. Or, (potential yikes) you stumble across someone on social media who appears to be thriving in areas that you are still working hard to pursue.

Wherever the comparison originated, it helps to identify the reason you formed a comparison in the first place. Frequently, this reason incorporates some similarity between yourself and the other person. Comparisons can also involve the other person embodying some facet of what you want for your life or who you want to be.

2. How do our paths differ?

Each individual’s path truly is different. I suspect this idea is one that we multipotentialites are pretty familiar with, but might struggle to really internalize. To make comparisons a bit more fair to yourself, try identifying key differences between another individual’s path and your own. Maybe the other person has utilized resources that you didn’t know about or couldn’t access. Or, the other person might be a specialist who has been devoted to one career path while you have explored and pursued several. Consciously identifying these differences is a key component of making a comparison constructive, because simply being aware of them will likely enable you to be more kind to yourself.

One multi-instrumentalist and songwriter I admire is Elise Trouw, and she happens to be a few months younger than me. When I first discovered her music, I felt like I was behind because she had independently released several successful singles and an album. While I do have a lot in common with her, I found that it wasn’t fair to myself to compare my own path to hers. She committed to pursuing her music career in her late teens, while I was attending college and creating a foundation for myself to pursue multiple careers in addition to music. For this reason, I can learn from her skill as a multi-instrumental musician and independent artist, but it doesn’t make sense for me to compete with her career timeline.

3. What, specifically, do I admire about this person?

In many instances, when we compare ourselves to other people their strengths or successes seem to automatically outshine our own. According to social comparison bias, we may tend to experience feelings of jealousy or inadequacy based on our perceptions of others’ social status, achievements, lifestyles, or wealth. To overcome this thought pattern, it can help to focus instead on specific characteristics that the person possesses that you admire.

When I was in high school and college, I often caught myself making comparisons between myself and my older, more experienced bandmates. While I definitely looked up to these individuals, our relationships could also be strained by somewhat arbitrary competition. Looking back, I often admired my bandmates’ determination and resolve, their dedication to improving as musicians, and their evident confidence in their creative choices. Even in retrospect, pinpointing which of those individuals’ attributes I respected and appreciated the most helps me to positively reframe past comparisons that were unhelpful or grounded in competitiveness.

4. How do I want to be more like them?

This question helps to bring even more specificity to a comparison and alleviate vague feelings of “I want a lifestyle that’s more like theirs” or “because they had already accomplished X at my age I’m a failure.” Negative social comparisons can easily leave us with an underlying sense of shame or helplessness. Whether your comparison involves someone you know personally or a public figure, pinpointing how, exactly, you would want to be more similar to someone helps establish and maintain a sense of agency in relationship with the comparison.

For example, in the case of David Bowie, I really admire his musical and stylistic exploration and his authenticity to himself as his artistic identity evolved throughout his life. A few ways that I would like to learn from him and be more like him include creating art and music using a variety of mediums, making clear creative choices, and stepping out of my comfort zone to find inspiration and explore new things.

5. What can I learn from this comparison to actively apply in my life?

This question helps me to extrapolate any broader takeaways from a comparison that I can actually use in my own life. For example, I recently compared myself to one of my collaborators who has independently released music and who gigs frequently. Looking deeper into my comparison, I realized that it doesn’t make sense to procrastinate by waiting until I feel “ready” to put my art or work out into the world—my collaborator’s path has taught me that you learn and improve by doing it.

From another recent comparison between myself and a talented visual artist I know, I was reminded that developing a new skill (especially one that may not seem to come naturally to you) truly does require time and patience. At the same time, these pursuits can promote growth and gently coax us out of our comfort zones.

Comparing myself with Elise Trouw helped me to realize that I wanted to come up with a clear plan for myself as an independent artist and focus more on personal branding. Revisiting my past comparisons with my bandmates enabled me to cultivate a greater awareness of how I have grown as a musician and collaborator, and express gratitude for what I learned from those individuals. My initially vague (and slightly stress-inducing) comparison with David Bowie helped me to identify more artistic opportunities for myself to explore and guided me to begin seeking out inspiration in more unconventional places.

By intentionally shaping and reframing comparisons—even those that might originate from a negative or unhealthy place—you can take control of how you think about yourself in relationship with other people. By approaching comparisons in a fresh and constructive way, other individuals’ wins and successes can ultimately support your growth and foster new insights. Most importantly, actively reframing potentially destructive comparisons can enable you to be more fair to yourself (and your multipotentiality) on a daily basis.

Your turn

How have social comparisons impacted your life or your mental health in the past? Have you experienced success in turning unhealthy comparisons into something positive?

Doing/being/exploring ALL THE THINGS is easier with a community!

Did you know we have a private community of hundreds of multipotentialites from around the world? We support each other, share advice and cheer each other on as we building lives and career around ALL our passions.

Learn more about the Puttyverse and get notified next time we open the doors:

The post How to Make Healthy Comparisons—and Why You Should Try It appeared first on Puttylike.

3 Reasons You Should Say No More Often

How often do you say no? What drives you to do it? How do you feel once it leaves your lips or after you press send? 

I’ve been noticing that many people in my life have trouble saying no, and I am one of them. As a multipotentialite, it can be even harder for us to say no because as Emilie writes, “We love coming up with new ideas and bringing projects to life.” This leads us to say yes a lot, which makes us say yes even more. Here’s what I mean.

When we discover that we’re very good at the things we say yes to, we get more opportunities to do more things, and we keep saying YES! to keep the positive feedback cycle going. But when we don’t say no as much as – or more than! – we say yes, we end up overwhelmed and at risk of burnout. 

When we find out that we’re not very good at the things we say yes to (or we need a new challenge) we…you guessed it…say YES! to new things. When we are not skilled at saying no, we tend to load up those new things onto our plate…without dropping the previous things that no longer serve us. Can you relate?

In “The Power of a Positive No”, William Ury writes: “If you can learn how to say No skillfully and wisely, you can create what you want, protect what you value, and change what doesn’t work.” Let me give you some examples of how this worked in my multipotentialite journey through graduate school. 

When I started my PhD, I quickly cultivated the phrase “I’m on a different path” to help myself—and then others—accept the fact that I didn’t want just one job as a full-time professor. This was a very big deal to me, my classmates, and my supervisors because at that time, a professor was the only job that a PhD like mine was supposed to lead to. But I knew that the experience I wanted as a graduate student and the life I wanted to live post-graduation involved having the freedom to pursue multiple occupations and interests at the same time. This required saying no…a lot.

For a self-described people-pleaser habitually worried about provoking haters, I probably said no more in this period of my life than I ever have. I regularly declined invitations to events that previous versions of me wouldn’t dare to, ignored particular academic metrics I deemed irrelevant to my post-PhD goals, and turned down projects that didn’t align with my values. Here’s why it was worth it.

Say no so that you can create what you (really) want

Saying no to influential people was my first step in creating the multipotentialite life I dreamed of. 

I started by saying no to increasingly forceful requests from one of my PhD supervisors to change the direction of my research. While I didn’t yet know the term multipotentialite, I had used my master’s degree to joyfully work at the intersection between two seemingly disparate fields: anti-racism and educational psychology. I intended to use my PhD studies to continue using the idea synthesis skills that came naturally to multipotentialite me, but my supervisor kept pushing me further away from the intersection I had worked so hard to create. 

Presenting my research to diverse audiences showed me the huge benefits of what Emilie describes as “‘speak[ing] the language’ of people in different fields.” I really felt like I was getting somewhere! 

What excites you enough in your multipotentialite dreams to help you say yes to your role as the architect of what you really want?

So I had to say no to my supervisor, in increasingly more direct ways, as we engaged in what seemed like endless negotiations. This was extremely uncomfortable to me. I am a person who has always been taught to silence myself in order to respect my elders and to avoid (at all costs!) cutting myself off from further opportunities. I worried excessively every time I said no to another research directive from my supervisor. That is, until the death of a friend—a friend who perfectly represented the research I had been doing—provided the push I needed to get a new supervisor. I said YES to honoring my friend with the new research path I was creating. That path has led me to a fulfilling career teaching at the intersection of mental health literacy and anti-racism in education.

Say no so that you can protect what you value

Saying no to tasks that others—including former versions of me—deemed important was the next stage in protecting the life I had begun to deeply value as a multipotentialite.

After I changed supervisors, conversations about research plans became much easier. My new supervisor gave me so many opportunities to collaborate on research in many different areas of the fairly new area of mental health literacy education in Canada. Because she already lived strong social justice values, my desire to implement anti-racist principles into my work was no problem to her. 

My next challenge began when I started to feel that multipotentialite instinct to diversify my projects. I began practicing ways to gently yet directly say “DON’T MAKE ME WRITE ANOTHER LITERATURE REVIEW!” without making my outside voice match the screaming voice in my head. I was also engaging in professional development outside my PhD. As a broke grad student, I used multiple free 30-day trials to learn how to use a complicated eLearning tool that I thought would make some of our educational resources more engaging and relevant to the learners we were designing them for.  I also completed a certification in counseling that made me want to find a way to apply more of my verbal and nonverbal communication skills into my research.  

I valued all of the new parts of who I was becoming, and I wanted them to be reflected in the work I was putting my heart and soul into. So, when I was given another literature review to complete, I said no. This horrified my parents– one does not simply say no to their supervisor—but I had chosen my supervisor well. She took a breath and asked, “What do you want to do?”

I silently celebrated and then gave her approximately 17 ideas. She asked me to refine and reduce them, then made me promise that what I chose would keep me on the path to completing my degree on time. I agreed, and she let me design an engaging, interactive online mental health literacy course for foster families instead of the traditional correspondence course that was initially intended to be the result of the literature review. 

Finding the courage to say no to something mundane – creating another literature review – ended up being a gift that extended beyond myself. It created a space to use my unique multipotentialite combo to create an impactful learning resource for the foster family community.

What do you value enough to protect with a NO that is long overdue?

Say no so that you can change what no longer works

Saying no to systems that no longer worked for me was the last stage in my PhD journey of saying no. Truthfully, I’m still working on this one. In graduate school, I had to say no to the expected PhD student standard of working on my research five days a week. Because I declared myself to be “on a different path” than my classmates, I needed to devote regular time to figuring out what else I was going to do with my PhD in Education.  I declared every Friday a “professional development day” and, because I was achieving all of my milestones towards completing my thesis, my supervisor agreed to it. As an added bonus, I found that having four focused days to attend class and get my work done was more productive than having all five days to get around to my research “eventually.”  

In my current life, I am realizing that what no longer works for me is getting caught up in multiple cycles of burnout and recovery. As my multipotentialite life continues to expand, I am learning that I need to be the container for the multiplicity of my passions and interests. I am learning that many more NOs are required for me to create a healthy multipotentialite life: a life that considers the protection of my own mental health as sacred as the mental health of others I aim to help with my work. That’s going to require getting real about what isn’t working anymore every time I reach a new stage in my multipotentialite path. 

Will you join me on the journey?

Your turn

Do you have trouble saying no? How might saying no allow you to say yes to something that truly matters to you?

Doing/being/exploring ALL THE THINGS is easier with a community!

Did you know we have a private community of hundreds of multipotentialites from around the world? We support each other, share advice and cheer each other on as we build lives and careers around ALL our passions.

Learn more and join the Puttyverse community here:

The post 3 Reasons You Should Say No More Often appeared first on Puttylike.

How—and Why—to End Something Good

Like many multipotentialites, I’m addicted to change. Thanks to my craving for novelty and the odd fateful circumstance, I’ve moved cities, careers and even continents more often than most.

So I was astonished recently to realize that through decades of upheaval the thing I’ve done most consistently in my entire life is “write for Puttylike.” Seriously! My degree lasted four years. My longest “proper” job stuck around for six. But it’s now over seven years since I wrote my first article for Puttylike, and I’ve written over 130 more since. It’s been a dream situation: work that’s fun, pays well, and entails spending time with wonderful colleagues and a unique, fascinating community.

Which makes it all the more surprising—even to me—that I’ve decided to leave.

Deciding without deciding

Have you ever made a choice which you can’t adequately explain? A decision where the cons seem to outweigh the pros…but you know deep down that you’ve already decided to do it anyway?!

These phantom decisions seem to crop up often for me. Other people always seem to have good reasons for their big moves, whether it’s I’m proud to announce I’ve been headhunted into my dream job or Thankfully, this hellish period in my life is over.

But when I leave something behind, there’s often no particular plan pulling me forward, nor a compelling reason pushing me away. I just have a mysterious feeling that it’s time to move on.

Although mysterious, this feeling is far from unfamiliar. In my experience, this is the most likely way that a good situation ends.

If there’s no big reason to change something, we probably won’t change it

Let me explain. 

When something sucks, it’s easy to know when to end it: as soon as possible. I tend to live by this rule, and I leave situations as soon as I realize I’m unhappy. Then, whether through luck or skill—I find a better situation soon enough. The net result is that my life is made up of a repeating pattern: short periods of unrest where I try new things, followed by longer periods of stability where I stick with the best new things I discovered.

But unless something comes along to disrupt those periods of stability, they could last forever. (Regular readers might appreciate how hard I’m having to resist the urge to divert into tenuous physics-based analogies right now!)

This stability is no bad thing. Clearly, good things don’t have to end. We’re not obliged to disrupt our lives if we don’t want to, and if “happiness” is the goal, then I can think of few better formulas than “find something you enjoy and keep doing it.”

Regardless, there is something that drives me, sometimes, to bring good things to an end. What’s that about?!

The wisdom of ending something good

I can’t pinpoint the root for this feeling that I should move on from Puttylike. I first noticed it after I pitched an article only to be reminded that I’d already written it…in 2015. This wasn’t a significant moment. It didn’t trigger a desire for change. But it did bring my attention to an itch that was already present.

It’s fascinating looking back now at my very first article for Puttylike, in which I talk about that exact same itch. At the time it led me to quit a “good enough” job, a moment which kick-started a whole new multipotentialite chapter of my life.

But putting it down to a mere “itch” isn’t explaining anything. It’s just a different name for the same feeling. So why do we leave things that are good? If I were to scratch a bit deeper (pun only semi-intended), two facts come to mind:

We have a finite amount of time.There’s a practically infinite amount of good things we could experience.

Taken together, these form the fuel for the itch. Part of me can’t resist wondering: “I do like these good things I have right here… but I’m curious about the good things over there.” 

For me, that’s the essence of being a multipotentialite. We’re trying to fit in as much as we can, which means we have to shake things up from time to time.

Handling my feelings

I have to be honest with you. The experienced multipotentialite in me is worried that leaving might be a horrible idea. I’m giving up something excellent for an unknown replacement—potentially no replacement.

Logically, that’s difficult to justify. But I’m choosing to see it as a challenge to my future self: Hey! What are you going to do with that extra time and energy?

I hope I do something good with it.

Handling others’ emotions when a chapter ends

The hardest part of endings isn’t usually my own worries. It’s the fear of how others may react.

I agonized for a long time over the couple of sentences which would notify the team that I was planning to step down from Puttylike. Moments like this bring out all kinds of underlying tensions. I panicked a little. These are my friends! What if our friendship was dependent on our being colleagues? Might they even view this as a betrayal? 

As it happened, I needn’t have worried.

But I want to voice these fears, because announcements like these often leave them out. People make big changes look easy, and then we wrongly believe that they’re supposed to be easy when we go through them.

Over the past seven years, I’ve found that voicing fears and worries like this doesn’t solely diminish them for me, it shrinks them for others too. I’ve shared aspects of my life publicly for so long—not because I believe I’ve got it all together and that I have all the answers, but precisely because I know I haven’t. It’s oddly reassuring to have the freedom to be honest about that with you.

The biggest lesson I learned at Puttylike

That’s been the great privilege of writing for Puttylike. I’ve been able to turn “figuring things out” and “voicing my worries” into a job, and one which has even been useful to other people.

Along with being vulnerable about our difficulties, the idea which I’ve returned to repeatedly is this: there’s always another way to look at it. 

No matter how stuck we feel, there’s a fresh lens somewhere which can free us. That’s the joy of Puttylike; it’s full of people who are keen to share their own lenses, an endless sharing which helps themselves and others to repeatedly get unstuck.

I’ll miss you

The best part of these seven years at Puttylike has been meeting the community. From fleeting interactions with visitors, to chatting with regular commenters, right through to befriending people in the comment section and coming to know each other as real friends, it’s been an unbelievable delight to constantly meet such fascinating, generous people. Thank you for sharing this part of the journey with me.

It’s not exactly goodbye

Perhaps understandably, I’ve found this article harder to write than normal.

My constant battle against perfectionism has been triggered by the realization that final impressions are much scarier than firsts. You can’t fix a bad last impression.

Luckily, I’ve just about resisted the urge to use this one remaining opportunity to publicly settle grudges and have the last word on as many arguments as possible. Instead, I hope these reflections may help you next time you feel an itch to move on from something good.

If you’re interested in whatever happens next for me, you can sign up for (very irregular) updates at enhughesiasm.com.

And I will still be around! There’s a wonderful team of writers remaining, and I will surely see you in the comments.

Goodbye, for now…and thank you for listening.

Your turn

What’s your favorite thing about Neil Hughes? I’M KIDDING THAT’S NOT REALLY THE QUESTION.

Have there been times when you’ve chosen to leave a good situation? How did you know it was the right time? Did you learn anything from the experience? Share your stories with the community in the comments!

The post How—and Why—to End Something Good appeared first on Puttylike.

Coming to Terms With Life as a Disabled Multipotentialite

I grew up disabled in a third world country, which meant watching people celebrate my basic milestones instead of providing me with an equally inclusive space. Growing up as a disabled multipotentialite was somehow even more confusing. Those like me were not only cheered on for basic achievements like attending and succeeding at school, but were heralded as “geniuses” for doing these things. 

In India, Inspiration porn—“the portrayal of people with disabilities as being inspirational to able-bodied people on the basis of their life circumstances”—is not only rampant but cherished. As a multipotentialite in the making, I was confused by being placed on a pedestal by everyone I encountered outside my family—Look at her, she goes to a school, plays the bass and writes! Being congratulated for wanting to do everything and having diverse interests may seem harmless at first, but for a disabled individual, it can be triggering. This excessive praise is a form of ableism. It’s never encouraging to be looked upon as doing well for myself despite a disability. 

One of the worst things you can do to a disabled person is celebrate their basic right to life. If I pursued two hobbies, they were celebrated. If I made friends, I was encouraged to share my experience and inspire others like me. As a young multipotentialite, I was looked upon as someone compensating for her disability by overcompensating in the other fields. If I was interested in five different fandoms and four different disciplines at school, it was seen as a brave disabled person instead of a brave multipotentialite.  

It took a lot of unlearning in therapy with a trained counselor to unpack my years of conditioning and to learn how to speak up against how I’m perceived as a disabled multipotentialite. At first, I felt an uncontrollable need to rage—until I learned coping mechanisms. 

Here are a few things that helped me understand how to look past my rage and love and accept my two intersecting identities: multipotentialite and disabled person.

Nobody knows your journey better than you

Being born disabled meant that I came to consciousness knowing myself via the ways others saw me—as brave, bold and fearless. None of these virtues were acquired as skills. As far as my treatment journey was concerned, my fearlessness was fed to me. I was conditioned to believe that I was extremely brave and I did not need to cry, as crying spelled weakness. As a multipotentialite, I practiced these traits by shuttling between pursuits and ambitions. However, as I grew older, a fear of not being good enough started to gnaw at me. I began to have external outbursts—breakdowns, which were seen as “uncharacteristic” of my overall persona. As a disabled child, I hadn’t been allowed to develop that persona myself. It had been handed to me by peers, guardians and family, and it didn’t feel authentic to me.

As a multipotentialite, it is difficult to accept that I have to pause my life frequently to endure multiple hospital visits and treatments. I sometimes break down at the prospect that a personal project has failed due to my health and impending hospital visits. I was seeing my life’s journey through the eyes of others, who perceived me to be a certain way when I felt completely at odds with that role.

In therapy, I learned to understand that it was okay to fail and okay to embrace both fear and strength as time allowed. I began to understand the value of acknowledging my fear. I vocalized my insecurities about surviving the pandemic as someone who lives with chronic illness. This allowed me to grow as a multipotentialite, too. I had been constantly stressed about being the best in every project I undertook. In therapy, I learned that my progress doesn’t have to be linear. I started out wanting to be the best at everything, but my journey as a disabled multipotentialite meant embracing my failures and telling my story boldly. Whether that meant success or failure? That was secondary. My truth is mine alone, and it’s not written by someone who doesn’t know all the parts that make me who I am.

Today, I pursue my multipotentialite projects through the lens of enjoyment, and being a little silly wherever possible. I no longer allow others to write my narrative and control it. I own my strength and my vulnerability.

Asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness

One of the first things my parents instilled in me is that I am no less than anyone else I encounter in life. Thus, asking for help was never an option for me. While that may have fueled the feminist agenda, it was personally counterproductive. In the interest of me not seeking help, my parents provided me with absolute accessibility and inclusivity. This ought to exist in the wider world, but as a multipotentialite who is also disabled, I’ve rarely seen my needs met by the world at large. While my needs were addressed in a private capacity by my family, making my life easier, this never translated to my larger sociopolitical context. Asking for an inclusive environment was seen as a sign of weakness. 

Since my disability is “invisible” and I “look” functional, I have never relied on asking for external help or taking advantage of any “perks” offered to those with disabilities. This meant that I steered clear of stating any of my special needs until recently. I believed that not seeking help would make me appear tougher and that people would then take me seriously. However, this attitude started affecting my life and my work. The internal pressure that I put on myself to always deliver 110% helped me perform as a multipotentialite. I could juggle hobbies, activities, ambitions and passions seemingly flawlessly! But all that pressure affected my life, when paired with living with my chronic illness.

In the last few years, I have had to come to terms with asking for help and seeking time to adjust my life according to my “special” needs. It took a while to accept this, and even now I struggle to make my needs heard. It helps when I am in an environment that anticipates some of those needs for me. Today, I find it convenient to tell potential dates and employers about my condition, so they know what to expect from me. This also allows time for them to be able to provide me an inclusive space.

I started out wanting to be the best at everything, but my journey as a disabled multipotentialite meant embracing my failures and telling my story boldly. Whether that meant success or failure? That was secondary. My truth is mine alone, and it’s not written by someone who doesn’t know all the parts that make me who I am.

Juggling ambitions while living with chronic health condition is a challenge

Perhaps the only time I feel like I’m letting myself down is when my physical state does not allow me to pursue my goals and passions at the pace and in the ways I would like. I can’t take a leap of faith and leave town to travel and explore the world, even if I wanted to. There are certain physical activities that I cannot pursue when my health is deteriorating. Honestly, sometimes even functioning at my day job becomes a challenge. As a multipotentialite, this is a bitter pill to swallow. On one hand, I can and want to pursue everything. On the other, my chronic disease and I are completely tied, and my whole life must play out within the limitations of that bond. This might sound familiar to those who struggle with motor disability or identify as neurodivergent, too. While we can be as ambitious as an able-bodied person, our pursuits will always be bounded by our condition and how we are coping through it. 

While living with a disability can restrict your options for pursuing many things, it does not mean that you allow the disability to get the best of you in all situations. What helps me find my center is taking creative liberties to turn difficult situations around. I make sure to reserve sedentary hobbies and passion projects for times when I have to spend a day in a hospital bed. I know I’ll be all alone and will have the time to follow through on what I’m working on. There are always hardships, but the silver lining in being a disabled multipotentialite is the frugality and innovation you learn around keeping yourself occupied and happy through your journey. You have to accept the whole package—the good, the bad, the ugly and the easygoing, chronically ill self.

Your turn

If you are an able-bodied multipotentialite, do you ever feel restricted or limited by the conditions of your life? If you are living with chronic disease(s), do you ever feel exhausted by trying to cope with them along with being true to your multipotentialite self? I would love to hear from you on the states and conditions that are out of your control and limit your passion projects.

Doing/being/exploring ALL THE THINGS is easier with a community!

Did you know we have a private community of hundreds of multipotentialites from around the world? We support each other, share advice and cheer each other on as we building lives and career around ALL our passions.

Learn more about the Puttyverse and get notified next time we open the doors:

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New Year, New Me? Try This Instead.

In our hyperproductive society, we’ve come to think of the new year as a time for supercharging our lives, whether through a new fitness kick, a new job or a new look. But there’s a reason the average person gives up on their resolution after only 32 days.

Multipotentialites are no strangers to ambitious goals and self-improvement, but my take on the new year period is somewhat different from the mainstream idea of new year, new me. So how should multipotentialites everywhere spend the first month of the year? 

Resting. Here’s why.

The holidays can be draining

Whether or not you observe Christmas, Kwanzaa, Hanukkah and other December holidays, society is set up so that the late December to early January period is packed. Many of us find ourselves either surrounded by family and friends, or isolated as our usual crew head home for the holidays. There are also endless obligations around this time of year – from work parties to forking out for presents we can’t really afford.

For some, this is a celebratory time filled with love, joy and one too many mince pies. For others, it’s a difficult journey of pushing through dysfunctional family dynamics or a home that doesn’t feel like home. For others still, it’s a time of being alone—not necessarily by choice—and dealing with all the challenges and grief that can bring.

Whatever kind of end you have to the year, positive or negative, it is almost certain to be draining. Many of us start the new year tired, broke and with our usual routines completely out of whack. And, while this may make you yearn for a “new you,” this state simply isn’t the best one from which to implement lasting changes.

Resolutions can create way too much pressure

Many multipotentialites are constantly setting new goals and starting new things. We don’t need something like the new year to kick our self-improvement mode into action. But in January—when seemingly everyone is forging new habits—there seems to be an extra layer of pressure on our new habits and hacks. At no other time of year will people actively ask you about what lifestyle changes you’re making or share with you so freely and intently that they have joined the gym.

Whether it’s Dry January or Veganuary, you can’t escape the pressure—and, sometimes, veiled judgment—that comes with new year life changes (or a lack thereof).

For some of us, a bit of pressure can be a great motivator. But a lot of us believe that all pressure is supposed to make us work well, when it actually works against and drains us. The pressure of making positive lifestyle changes around the new year can very easily breed a sense of shame if you’re falling behind, or if you feel that your changes aren’t drastic enough compared to others’. And shame is one of the most destructive emotions out there.

Not only does shame cause us to feel bad about ourselves, it actually makes us more likely to quit altogether. So, far from being a motivator, the pressure that comes with new year, new me can actually be our downfall.

January first is an arbitrary date

It is believed that Roman Emperor Numa Pompilius moved the new year from March to January to honor the god Janus, Roman god of beginnings, whom the month is named after. Unfortunately for us, 1st January makes neither astrological nor, for many, cultural sense as a new year. This is why you’ll notice many peoples of different cultures and traditions celebrating their new years on different dates. 

The traditional Chinese New Year is celebrated in accordance with moon cycles and coincides with the astrological Lunar New Year. In Ghana, where I live, many of the new year celebrations of different ethnic groups take place in line with harvest festivals, typically between July and October, in line with our seasons. The traditional Iranian new year, Nowruz, falls in line with the solar cycle, taking place on the March equinox. Across the world, people bring in the new year at a time that reflects natural cycles and the mythology of their culture. The 1st of January doesn’t quite have the same meaning behind it.  It’s no wonder that it doesn’t feel like the ideal time for initiation and action for so many of us.

What to do instead

Ok, so new year, new me is out the window. How do we begin to focus our Januarys differently? 

Firstly, give yourself permission to rest! January can be a powerful time for deep rest and reflection, allowing you to switch into active gears later in the year from a more intentional and more nourished place. Here are some rest and reflection ideas for January:

Write a list of your achievements, no matter how “big” or “small.” Write them all down and take a moment to celebrate yourself!Write a list of the people you’re grateful for—and then send them a message to let them know.Practice visualization. Resting doesn’t have to mean you’re completely detached from your goals. This can be a great time to visualize the kind of future you want to build for yourself, an exercise that will help you define the goals that are most important to you.Digital detox. Whether it’s one hour or one day, take some time away from your screens. Take a walk in nature, sit by the sea, read a book, do that hobby you never have time for—whatever it is, make sure it’s an hour focused on YOU.Say no to engagements that feel like obligations. Sometimes canceling or saying no is the greatest act of self-care you can do. And often, what we’re worried about—a loved one getting mad at us, a project team not finding a replacement for us—never actually comes to pass.

Why not explore different ways to interact with the new year, too? If you hail from a lineage that has different new year traditions, it could be a great time to learn about and perhaps reconnect with them.

Take a cue from the cosmos

If you’re intrigued by following astrological seasons and celebrating the new year in line with the motion of the planets, here’s a quick starter guide. Depending on your global location and your connection to the seasons, you may wish to observe each cycle slightly differently.

New Year (either March or September Equinox)

A time for action! Planting seeds of intention and action to prepare for an abundant harvest.

Summer Season (either June or December Solstice)

A time for abundance! Enjoying the beginning stages of seeing the fruits of your labor, and making any necessary changes or course corrections. Having fun!

Harvest (either March or September Equinox)

A time for reaping what you sowed! You can take your foot off the gas slightly and take in what you’ve achieved.

Winter Season (either June or December Solstice)

A time for rest and reflection! Retreat, reflect and recharge. Reflect on the year gone, make plans for the year ahead, and regain your energy.

Final thoughts

However you decide to show up this January, just remember to give yourself grace. The last few years have been particularly difficult for so many of us. It’s okay to start the new year without transforming into a new you. 

The kindest thing you can do this January is take care of the current you. You are already perfect just the way you are.

Your turn

How does the January “new year” period feel for you? Do you celebrate your new year at a different time? We’d love to hear your experiences in the comments!

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