Joshua Becker's Blog, page 8

One Essential Key to a Successful Marriage: Selflessness

Today, Kim and I celebrate 25 years of marriage.

On June 12, 1999, during our wedding ceremony at Christ Community Church in Omaha NE, we committed ourselves to each other for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health… as long as we both shall live.

And for the last 25 years, that has been the case.

I don’t tend to be a highly emotional person (just ask Kim), but this anniversary has been different. I can tell how much it means to me by how often I have worked it in to conversations over the last month:

“Hey Joshua, got any fun summer plans?” “Yes, in fact, Kim and I have our 25th wedding anniversary this summer.”

“Hey Joshua, how’s your summer going?” “It’s been great. Kim and I celebrate 25 years of marriage next week.”

“Hey Joshua, congratulations on your daughter gradating high school!” “Yeah, it’s wonderful I’m so proud of my kids. Speaking of, you know what else is wonderful? Kim and I celebrate 25 years of marriage this summer.”

“Hello Joshua, just the oil change today?” “Yup, that’ll be great. Any chance you offer discounts for 25 years of marriage because my anniversary is right around the corner…”

It’s remarkable how many conversations you can steer toward a 25-year anniversary.

Marriage is a commitment to each other that love will overcome all scenarios and circumstances.

At its core, love is a decision to be committed to another person. It is more than an emotion or feeling. It is a commitment—through the ups and downs, the good and the bad. When things are going well, commitment is easy. But true love is displayed by remaining committed through the difficult times.

And maybe that is one of the reasons I am so emotional today. Our decision and commitment to one another has not wavered—just like we promised.

Years ago, I spoke at a church on how to have a successful marriage. And the key to a successful marriage that I listed that day, now over fifteen years ago, continues to be the essential key (other than love) I speak of today when talking about marriage.

The Key to a Successful Marriage? Selflessness.

Selflessness is “a tendency to regard the well-being of others as more important than one’s own well-being.“

When we approach marriage from the standpoint of “what am I getting out of this relationship” or “how is this relationship making me happy,” we always run into trouble.

But when both parties approach the marriage from the viewpoint of “what can I give to this relationship” or “how can I bring happiness to my partner,” both sides win.

That is why selflessness—focusing on what I can give, rather than what I can take—is such an important element to any successful marriage.

There are other elements to a successful and happy marriage, of course. But in my opinion, none is more important or overlooked than selflessness.

Consider just some of the ways a successful marriage requires selflessness:

1. Selflessness in Commitment

The very heart of love—a commitment to one another—is based on a selfless attitude. If we approach love from a selfish lens (what is this love giving to me?), it will never last or reach its full potential. Love is about selflessly committing my life to another—for better or worse. Giving up on that commitment is an option inconsistent with love.

2. Selflessness in Goals

There are times in a marriage when one partner makes sacrifices for the goals of another. Ideally these goals (whether they be financial, career-based, faith-based, relationship-based, hobby-based) are agreed upon by both partners as good for the family and world—and different seasons of life might lend themselves to different goals. But in every marriage, our goals must be selfless in nature for the relationship to thrive.

3. Selflessness in Finances

I know there are some couples that keep separate bank accounts. For us, that was never an option we considered—nor is it advice I would ever give in a healthy marriage. All finances are our finances, not mine or hers. That is what selflessness looks like—it also looks like making financial decisions that we both agree on beforehand.

4. Selflessness in How You Spend Your Time

Marriage means you don’t get to do everything you want every moment of the day. Selflessness means graciously giving up your time for the benefit of others.

5. Selflessness in Expressing Love

Among one of the most important principles to understand in any relationship is Gary Chapman’s life-changing premise of love languages that he communicates in his book, The 5 Love Languages.

The premise is simple: different people with different personalities give and receive love in different ways. Learning to communicate love in the language of your partner requires intentionality and selflessness. Literally, at least once/week I ask myself if I am communicating love to Kim effectively (Quality Time).

6. Selflessness in Intimacy

Selflessness in intimacy looks very different at different times and varies quite dramatically in every relationship. It includes faithfulness in any circumstance and through every temptation. And selflessness in intimacy encompasses far more than what happens in the bedroom (or kitchen). It is about understanding the needs of your partner—mentally, emotionally, and physically.

7. Selflessness in Admitting Wrong

One of the very best pieces of marriage advice I ever received (and have passed on countless times) came from a pastor and friend named Scott Slocum. While performing a wedding ceremony, his advice to the Bride and Groom was this, “Whenever you have a fight or disagreement, race to be the first to apologize.”

I have thought of that advice numerous times over the years. So often, when tensions arise or disagreements occur, it is easy to retreat to our corner, consider all the ways your partner was wrong, and decide that nothing is going to change until they change. But selflessness calls us to a different approach. Selflessness invites us to humbly look for our own faults and be the first to apologize for them. And my guess is that someone reading this needs to hear that today.

8. Selflessness in Supporting the Family Unit

Supporting a family unit requires countless acts of service: shopping, cooking, cleaning, maintaining the home, raising children. A successful marriage requires both partners to selflessly look for what needs to be done around the home and work to accomplish it.

9. Selflessness in How We View Ourselves

There are no perfect human beings. Each of us have faults and unhealthy tendencies (and motivations). Selflessness in marriage will always require us to lean into patience and humility. Will our partner have faults and make mistakes? Of course they will. So will we—and remembering that helps us accept theirs.

10. Selflessness in Happiness

The dictionary defines love in a number of different ways. When I define the word, I define it as “desiring the best for another.” There are other facets to it, I realize, but when I love somebody, it means I desire the very best for their life—even at the expense of mine if necessary.

Selflessness in marriage means I desire the happiness of my partner even more than I desire happiness for myself. And the beautiful thing is this: Once their happiness becomes my goal, I am able to find it easier myself.

Today is a special day in my life. I get to celebrate 25 years of marriage with Kim. She is kind, compassionate, a follower of Jesus, and selfless every single day to a degree I only wish I could match. I am the man I am today because of the woman she is every day.

Here’s to the next 25 years together!

The post One Essential Key to a Successful Marriage: Selflessness appeared first on Becoming Minimalist.

Prioritizing Life’s Greatest Pursuits

Every day, we are faced with countless decisions about where to focus our energy, our attention, our time, and our resources.

From career advancements and personal hobbies to symbols of success and social media status updates, our efforts are often directed towards external, tangible achievements that others will applaud. But how often do we pause to reflect on whether the decisions we make and life’s greatest pursuits align?

Consider this: it is common to find shelves filled with books on business strategies and professional development. We eagerly join mastermind groups to enhance our profit margins or tackle projects to climb the corporate ladder or pad our resumé.

But when was the last time we picked up a book on becoming a better parent, partner, or friend? How often do we gather with others to discuss how to grow in selflessness, honesty, and kindness? Why do so many of the groups we join focus on financial success rather than growing in virtue and character?

Or think about all the financial investments we make in enhancing our outer appearance—clothing, accessories, beauty products, monthly payments to the gym down the street. None of those things are bad in and of themselves, of course.

But when was the last time we spent money to grow in morality or integrity? Have you ever made a financial investment to grow your character?  We hire personal trainers to build our physical bodies, but rarely financially invest in the pursuit of compassion or empathy or self-control.

We hire coaches to help us improve our golf game, our tennis game, or our pickleball skills, but when was the last time we sought out a coach to help us become more loving, selfless, or thoughtful?

We spend hours and years searching endlessly for the perfect partner, but how much effort do we put into intentionally becoming a better partner ourselves?

Or consider how much time and how many days we waste on activities like watching television, playing video games, or scrolling social media. What exactly are we trying to become? Better at watching TV? Unintentionally, we invest time getting better at wasting time—rather than investing that time in pursuits that bring lasting meaning and joy.

It would be wise for all of us to step back from time-to-time and ask ourselves, “What am I working hard to become? Am I investing my energy, attention, time, and resources in getting better at the right things?”

It has been said, “Don’t tell me what you value, show me your calendar and your checkbook, and I’ll tell you what you value.” And I think there is some benefit to the sentiment (it certainly stings when we hear it and calls us to reevaluate our lives).

But I’m not convinced the quote is entirely true. I don’t think most people would say they want to be better at making money than being a loving parent. Most people wouldn’t say they value golf or tennis more than being a good friend. And nobody says their greatest goal in life is just to own a house full of clutter.

When we speak of our greatest values in life, we almost all speak of the same things: faith, relationships, making a positive difference in someone’s life.

It just seems that somewhere along the way, we get very unintentional in where we invest our resources. Culture swoops in and hijacks our passions and resources, leading us down a different path. We begin investing in things that don’t matter in the long run.

That is why it is so important for each of us, on a regular basis, to evaluate what pursuits we have made most important.

Imagine if we redirected some of our efforts from pursuits that bring temporary satisfaction to those that foster lasting fulfillment. What if we dedicated time each week to becoming better parents, more supportive partners, and more understanding friends? What if we invested in personal development not just for career advancement, but to cultivate virtues like patience, gratitude, and humility?

The benefits would be profound—not just personally but culturally as well.

By prioritizing more of life’s greatest pursuits, we’d not only improve our own well-being but also positively impact the lives of those around us. When we invest in becoming better people, everyone wins.

Can you imagine if our world invested as much time in learning how to be selfless as we did in learning how to get rich? Or if we spent as much time with our kids teaching them virtue as we did sports? Or if we spent as much energy filtering our inner-self as we did our photos for social media?

Everything would change—starting with us.

Our lives are shaped every day by the choices we make and the investments we prioritize.

While it is natural to seek success and improvement in different areas, and there is nothing wrong with that, let us not forget to intentionally invest in life’s greatest pursuits as well.

The post Prioritizing Life’s Greatest Pursuits appeared first on Becoming Minimalist.

Inspiring Simplicity. Weekend Reads.

Never underestimate the importance of removing stuff you don’t need.

Encouragement provides us with motivation. It invites us to dream dreams of significance for our lives. And it begs us to work diligently with optimism and promise.

Overcoming the pull of consumerism is a difficult challenge regardless of our stage in life. Therefore, simplicity requires encouragement. To that end, I hope you will find motivation in these articles below.

Each post was intentionally chosen to inspire simplicity in your life. For maximum effect, find a quiet moment this weekend and enjoy them with a fresh cup of coffee or tea.

Daughter Makes Discovery About Dad’s Wardrobe: He’s Worn the Same L.L.Bean Shirt Since 1988 | People by Jordan Greene. Maggie Timblin shares the moment she realized her dad has worn the same L.L.Bean shirt in over half of her family videos.

Our Mistaken Ideas About What Makes Us Happy | Zen Habits by Leo Babauta. Most of us are operating on mistaken ideas about what gives us happiness — and these errors are costly.

10 Tried and True Tactics to Break Your Cell Phone Habit | No Sidebar. Cell phones can be wonderful tools—no doubt. But they can also keep us distracted from the things in life that matter most and that’s when they become a problem.

City Life Vs. Country Life -Which Is Better for Minimalists? | Doable Simplicity by Jessalynn Jones. Is minimalism easier in some locations than it is in others?

3 Ways Minimalism Can Transform Your Relationships Forever—From A Psychologist | Forbes by Mark Travers. Through minimalism, we can learn to appreciate the beauty of simplicity and the power of genuine human connections.

7 Simple Ways to Cut Down on Impulse Spending | Simple Money by Richard James. Impulse spending can quickly derail your financial goals and leave you feeling out of control.

Recently Released Inspiring Videos

9 Things to Reduce in Your Home to Save You Time | YouTube by Joshua Becker. Sometimes the very things we accumulate because we think they will help us save time, don’t. Even worse, they begin to steal more and more of our time.

The Challenge of Living an Honest Life in a World of Want | YouTube by Joshua Becker. A constant need for more, while seemingly innocent, can subtly coax us into compromising our character, integrity, and values.

The post Inspiring Simplicity. Weekend Reads. appeared first on Becoming Minimalist.

10 Helpful Rules to Own Less Stuff

Owning less stuff is freeing, refreshing, and liberating.

It allows us to spend more time, money, and energy on the things in life that matter most and bring us real lasting joy and meaning.

But even when we want to own less, and can see through the empty promises of consumerism, actually applying that desire to our stuff can be tricky.

This is a website full of motivation and practical ideas to help you own less. If you’re new, I suggest starting with my Most Popular Posts.

But for today, I want to lay out ten rules to help you own less.

Will these ten rules solve all of your decluttering questions? I probably wouldn’t go that far.

But I do think you will find all ten helpful in your desire to own less. And the more you apply them to your home, the less you will own (both now and into the future).

10 Helpful Rules to Own Less Stuff

1. The “Overflowing Space” Rule

Whenever a space begins to overflow, it’s a sign to declutter. Regularly assess areas like closets, drawers, shelves, and storage units.

If they’re filled beyond capacity, it’s time to thin out. And if every space in your home is overflowing, start with the easiest, most-lived space and get started there.

2. The “Past Its Life” Rule

Items that represent a past version of yourself or are from past seasons of life—whether it’s clothes that no longer fit your style, hobbies you no longer pursue, or items needed when your kids were younger—can be let go.

Additionally, this makes room for items that resonate with who you are now.

3. The “If I Own More Than One” Rule

Anytime you notice duplicates in your home, consider it a great opportunity to minimize. Choose the best and let go of the rest.

This rule applies to everything from kitchen gadgets to clothing, towels to coffee mugs, and Tupperware to scissors. Reduce redundancy and free up space.

4. The “Cost Doesn’t Count” Rule

Don’t hold onto items just because they were expensive.

The money is already spent and keeping something you don’t use doesn’t bring that value back. Even worse, they tend to make us feel guilty every time we see them.

Plus, they could bring someone else joy once you decide to remove them.

5. The “Yearly Review” Rule

This is a super-practical rule to help you determine necessity: if you haven’t used something in the past year, chances are you won’t need it in the future.

This is especially true for clothing and gadgets.

6. The “Borrow Rather Than Own” Rule

Instead of purchasing items you’ll use only once or twice, consider borrowing or renting them.

This reduces clutter and also saves money.

I know this is crazy thinking nowadays, but if a neighbor or family member owns the thing you need to use, you don’t need to buy your own.

7. The “Single Item, Multiple Use” Rule

Opt for items that can serve multiple purposes, particularly in the kitchen. There used to be a decluttering website when I first started blogging that created a satirical list of “unitaskers” (things like banana slicers). It was always hilarious the items they would find to feature. Avoid unitaskers.

This not only saves space but also simplifies your setup, making cooking more enjoyable.

8. The “Shopping Holiday” Rule

One month, every year, decide to buy nothing but groceries and consumables.

This one month, done annually, will do wonders to help you get ahead in your budget (just imagine getting a credit card statement once/year with $0 due).

But more than than, it will help reset your spending for the rest of the year. Plus, when you call it a “Holiday,” that just sounds fun doesn’t it?

9. The “Fad Filter” Rule

Be critical of trendy items that often promise more than they deliver. Fads come and go quickly (think: Beanie Babies, Stanley Cups, Fidget Spinners, Hard Rock Cafe T-shirts. Cold Plunge Tubs) and rarely offer any lasting benefit to our lives—other than proving that we can buy whatever everyone else is buying.

This rule helps you avoid accumulating items that quickly become obsolete or lose their appeal.

10. The “Clear Counters” Rule

Maintaining clear countertops not only enhances the look of your kitchen but also makes it more functional and enjoyable to use.

This rule encourages maintaining cleanliness and order daily.

These ten rules, I believe, if you apply them in your home, will bring about a brand new way of thinking about possessions. In fact, by following just a few of them, you’ll find it easier to make decisions about what stays and what goes.

And trust me: You’ll love owning less.

The post 10 Helpful Rules to Own Less Stuff appeared first on Becoming Minimalist.

Why the Golden Rule Is Still Golden

Editor’s Note: This article, written by me, appears in the June 01 issue of Simplify Magazine. This is the 29th issue I have published and this month’s theme is: Friendship.

“Treat others as you would like to be treated.”

The Golden Rule has stood the test of time as one of the most powerful principles ever invented for both moral and meaningful living. It has been shared across continents, cultures, and eras, and its message is simple: to live in harmony with the world around you, treat other people the exact way you would want them to treat you.

The Golden Rule holds benefits for our friends and the people we love. But it also holds benefits for society as a whole, ourselves as individuals, and even our enemies (which might be an unpopular thing to desire, but a life constantly chasing revenge is an awful way to live).

The principle teaches us that we are responsible for how we treat others and that we always have a choice in the matter. More than that, we should choose love, empathy, kindness, and compassion. And I can think of no better way to be remembered than living out those attributes.

The Golden Rule and Relationships

The Golden Rule is often memorized and often cited, but it is more than a philosophical idea to be written down in autobiographies and self-help books. It is a practical approach to living that can help us filter good choices from bad ones. And we can apply this filter to the smallest actions (like the words we say) to the most significant of decisions (reconciling with a family member).

In my country (USA), society seems more divided than at any other time in my life. Depression and anxiety are on the rise. The prevalence of social media seems to indicate we are more connected than ever, but feelings of loneliness and isolation are on the rise. With this backdrop, the Golden Rule offers a path to friendships and healthy relationships that makes it feel more golden than ever.

The Golden Rule is important because it helps us overcome our natural inclination toward selfishness. It challenges us to think beyond our own needs and desires and consider the well-being of others.

In friendships, this shift in mindset can make a significant difference. When we prioritize the needs of our friends and treat them the way we would like to be treated, we create an environment of mutual respect.

In society, this same shift would probably result in more trust, more understanding, and greater unity. Nobody wants to be called names online and have strangers jump to unfounded assumptions about their motives. We would be wise to think about and interact with others the way we’d want them to think about and interact with us.

There are some who might argue that living by the Golden Rule would result in getting bullied, pushed around, and taken advantage of. But I disagree. When we respond to unkindness with kindness, we begin to break the cycle of retaliation. And peacemakers tend to attract others who support them and stand up for them. Kind people don’t always win in this world, I agree. But neither do unkind people. I’d rather roll the dice with kindness.

Now, as we are all aware, it’s one thing to acknowledge the wisdom and timelessness of the Golden Rule, but living by it is a completely different type of challenge.

In this article I want to offer practical ways that we can begin to embody this approach in our relationships and friendships—for ourselves, our friends, and society. But before I do, it might be helpful to acknowledge the forces that work against us.

Enemies of Practicing the Golden Rule

“Know thy enemy,” Sun Tzu famously said. By recognizing the challenges that keep us from following the Golden Rule, and the reality that these forces are both internal and external, we are better poised to overcome them.

So I think it would be helpful to explore why it can be so difficult to treat others the way we want to be treated. Here are a few of the enemies stacked against us:

Inner Conflicts

We all have natural tendencies in our heart and soul, and many of these pull us away from our desired outcomes. For example, the pull inside us toward selfishness, jealousy, and revenge can sometimes overshadow our desire to act kindly. The very human urge to put ourselves first and protect our own interests makes it hard to follow the rule as often as we’d like.

Misconceptions About Success

Society often promotes a worldview where success is measured by material wealth, status, or power. This messaging can lead us to believe that achieving these goals requires us to prioritize ourselves over others. The assumption that getting ahead means outdoing or outmaneuvering others makes it difficult to practice selflessness

Immediate Reactions vs. Long-Term Benefits

When we’re hurt or angered, our immediate response often overshadows our ability to consider the long-term benefits of peace. In the heat of the moment, it’s easier to react impulsively than to reflect on the impact of our actions.

When we have time to think about how we intend to respond in an upcoming circumstance or conversation, following the Golden Rule becomes easier. But when a difficult circumstance seems to come out of nowhere, it takes great patience, wisdom, and intentionality to follow the Golden Rule.

The Harshness of the World

Life can be harsh and even cruel. Sometimes this cruelty comes from other people; sometimes it arises from circumstances. But either way, the harsher we are dealt with, the easier it becomes to deal harshly with others.

Cultural Messaging

The pervasive cultural message to “look out for number one” (or “you do you”) encourages us to prioritize our own needs and preferences above all else. And while, in the long run, following the Golden Rule is the best way to prioritize our needs, it doesn’t always feel that way.

All of that to say, living by the Golden Rule isn’t easy. I don’t suppose it ever has been. But it is still worth pursuing. Even if the internal and cultural forces are stacked against us, treating others the way we want to be treated is worth the effort because of all the benefits to us and others.

But how? What are some practical ways we can accomplish this in our relationships?

Applying the Golden Rule in Friendships

My goal with the following list isn’t to argue that living out the Golden Rule in our relationships is easy to do—I’ve already said it isn’t.

My goal is to offer both old and new ideas that help display the number of opportunities we do have each day to live it out. And hopefully improve all of our relationships because of it.

1. Practice empathy.

Make it a habit to understand your friends’ perspectives and emotions. Empathy is the foundation of meaningful friendships, so ask more questions.

A friend recently told me that when he is talking to a friend and disagrees with something they say, rather than arguing for his position, he’s learned to simply respond with the phrase: “Tell me more.” Far better than getting into an argument over who is right, it usually results in more understanding.

2. Listen actively.

Choosing to genuinely listen is a simple, but powerful way to honor the Golden Rule. Set aside distractions and give your friends your full attention. This is what we want when we have something we want to share with others. When we listen actively, we validate our friends’ experiences, make them feel seen and heard, and treat them exactly the way we want to be treated.

3. Be generous with encouragement.

Everyone faces challenges. Offer words of encouragement, compliments, and support to uplift your friends. Almost all of us can point to specific times in life when an encouraging word was exactly what we needed to hear on a given day. So be quick to give it. Compliments cost us nothing to give.

4. Communicate openly and honestly.

In friendships, honesty and transparency are simple treasures. Communication builds trust and deepens bonds. When we communicate openly, we create an environment where honesty is valued and misunderstandings are minimized.

Communicating openly and honestly doesn’t mean we have to share everything we are thinking, but it is a trait we want to be true of the people in our life, and so it should be true of us as well.

5. Offer help before it’s asked for.

Be attentive to the needs of your friends. Sometimes a small gesture like offering to help with a task can have a significant impact.

6. Show kindness in simple ways.

Sometimes the smallest act of kindness can brighten a friend’s day. A thoughtful text, a handwritten note, or a surprise delivery of their favorite drink from Starbucks can make a lasting impression. We love to receive acts of kindness—and we should love to give them.

7. Forgive and seek forgiveness.

No person and no relationship is perfect. When misunderstandings or conflicts arise, be quick to forgive and seek forgiveness. Holding on to grudges benefits no one.

8. Celebrate their successes.

It is easy to be genuinely happy for your friends’ achievements and to celebrate with them. But what about others? When we see the world as a grand competition between us and others, celebrating people’s success can be difficult—jealousy and envy are easier. But when we see the world less through the eyes of competition, and more through the eyes of cooperation and being on the same team, it becomes easier to compete less and celebrate more.

9. Prioritize quality time.

Given the busy lives we tend to live, it’s easy to neglect friendships. So make an effort to spend quality time with your friends. Sometimes this means reaching out to invite them along with something you’re already doing; sometimes this means leaving margin in your schedule specifically for them. But one thing is for sure: prioritizing quality time shows your friends that you value them and the relationship.

There are opportunities all around us to live out the Golden Rule. We can apply it at home, at work, with our friends, and even in our next interaction with the barista at the coffee shop.

Treating others just the way you want to be treated—keep this idea at the forefront of your mind and you’ll be amazed by how often it changes the way you act. And you will be amazed at how well it improves your relationships.

***

This week, I released Issue #029 of Simplify Magazine. The theme of this issue is Friendship. Simplify Magazine is one of the most important things I do and you can become a lifetime subscriber for just $20 USD (nothing more to pay ever).

The post Why the Golden Rule Is Still Golden appeared first on Becoming Minimalist.

Simple Ways to Find a Moment of Peace

It’s a measurable fact: The world is getting louder.

It is also getting busier and busier.

Demands (both internally and externally) are placed on us almost every day. And during some seasons of life, finding even a moment if peace can feel difficult.

But it is often when the world and circumstances are the loudest that we need moments of peace the most. These moments of quiet and reflection rejuvenate our minds, enrich our souls, engage our mind, clear our thoughts, and offer clarity and calm in a world of chaos.

And while it may not be possible to find peaceful moments 24/7, here are 20 simple ways to find a moment of peace in your day:

1. Go for a 10-Minute Walk Outside.

A short walk can do wonders for your mind and body. Whether it’s in a park, around your neighborhood, or a nature trail, moving your body and getting fresh air can instantly bring a sense of peace.

2. Set Your Phone Aside for an Hour.

Create some distance between you and your phone by leaving it in another room for a while. This break from constant notifications and distractions will help you be more present in the moment. Storing it in a different room eliminates the temptation to “just briefly pick it up to check something really quick.”

3. Turn Off the Television and Just Sit Quietly in the Room.

The constant noise from the TV can be overwhelming. When you’re watching it, you can find a moment of peace by simply turning it off and sitting in the stillness before moving to your next thing. Just let your mind wander. Embrace the quiet and allow yourself to just be.

4. Smell a Flower.

If you have flowers in your yard, take a moment to intentionally walk outside toward them and enjoy the fragrance. If you don’t have any at home, see great opportunity the next time you walk past a park to literally stop and smell the roses (or whatever flower is present). There are health benefits to this too.

5. Turn Off the Radio in Your Car and Enjoy the Silence.

During your commute, try turning off the radio and embracing the quiet. Use this time to reflect, think, or simply enjoy the absence of noise (or at least the absence of “extra noise”).

6. Take a Few Deep Breaths in Your Car Before Walking in the Front Door of Your House.

I received great advice from a mentor years ago. He told me that before he walks into his house after work, he takes a brief moment in his car to breathe deeply, center himself, calm himself, and actively remind himself how important the interactions are that he is about to have with his wife and children.

So before entering your home and diving into the next set of tasks or interactions, take a moment to breathe deeply in the quietness of your car. The mindful practice can help you transition calmly and intentionally from one environment to another.

7. Soak Up the Sun for a Few Minutes.

Step outside, close your eyes, and just let the warmth of the sun wash over you. Pause long enough to focus on how the sunlight feels on your skin.

8. Take a Two-Minute Breathing Break.

Pause whatever you’re doing, close your eyes, and focus solely on your breath. Feel the air enter and leave your lungs, bringing a sense of calm with each breath.

9. Sip a Cup of Tea or Coffee Slowly.

In the morning, when you make yourself a cup of coffee or tea (if you do), sit down and savor each sip slowly. Focus on the flavors, the warmth, and the simple pleasure of the moment. This works best if no one else in the house is awake yet, but it’s possible even if you’re not the first one up. It’s all about mindset in the moment.

10. Listen to the Birds Singing.

Step outside or open a window and listen to the birds. Their songs can be incredibly beautiful and soothing and a gentle reminder of the natural beauty that surrounds us.

11. Write Down Three Things You’re Grateful For.

Take a few minutes in the evening to reflect on and write down three things you are thankful for. This practice will not only slow down your mind for a bit, it will also help you shift your focus from stress to gratitude.

12. Stretch Your Body.

Stand up, reach for the sky, bend down to touch your toes, or do a few yoga poses. Stretching can release tension and rejuvenate both body and mind. Not only will this bring a moment of calm into your day, there are physical benefits as well. Here’s a helpful 5-minute routine.

13. Read a Chapter from a Book.

Escape into a good book for a few minutes. Reading can be a great way to relax and temporarily distance yourself from everyday stresses. Fiction or nonfiction, physical or digital, it doesn’t matter. The goal is to immerse yourself in thoughts beyond the immediate surrounding you.

14. Meditate for Five Minutes.

Find a quiet spot, sit comfortably, and focus on your breath or a calming word. Meditation can help clear your mind and reduce stress. My meditation focuses on prayer and Scripture readings, but any type of meditation can help you find a moment of peace.

15. Read Inspirational Quotes or Poems.

Spend a few minutes reading inspiring quotes or poems that bring you comfort and peace. If you don’t have a poetry book in front of you, a simple Google search will result in virtually limitless poems to read.

16. Look at Family Photos.

Take a moment to flip through a photo album or scroll through pictures on your phone. Reflecting on happy memories can bring a sense of peace and joy.

17. Pet an Animal.

If you have a pet, spend a few minutes in quiet petting them. The act of connecting with an animal is incredibly soothing. As my friend likes to say, “All pets are therapy pets, most are just working undercover.”

18. Practice Mindful Eating.

Eat a meal or snack slowly, savoring each bite. Focus on the flavors, textures, and the act of eating without distractions. This is similar to the coffee exercise above. But not everyone drinks coffee, so it made sense to include an alternative.

19. Take a Warm Bath or Shower.

Use this time to relax and let the warm water wash away stress. The solitude and warmth can be very calming.

20. Sit by a Window and Watch the World Go By.

Find a comfortable seat by a window and just observe the outside world. Notice the trees swaying, people walking, or cars passing. This can be done in the city, in the suburbs, or in the country. There is always something to see outside. Let yourself be a silent observer.

I don’t offer this list as twenty new items to add to your to-do list. The last thing I’d want to do is make it more difficult to find peaceful moments in your day.

But, if you find yourself in a bit of a whirlwind season right now, and would welcome a few moments of peace in your day, any of these 20 ideas would be helpful in providing it.

The post Simple Ways to Find a Moment of Peace appeared first on Becoming Minimalist.

16 Ways Minimalism Has Positively Impacted My Kids Over the Last 16 Years

Sixteen years ago today, on an otherwise ordinary Saturday morning in Vermont, I was introduced to minimalism. That day, way back in 2008, my wife and I had set aside time for annual spring cleaning. I volunteered to clean the garage, hoping my five-year-old son would enjoy the project with me. His interest lasted about 30 seconds, leaving me alone to tackle the mess.

As I sorted through the dirty piles of stuff in my garage, the time passed and my frustration grew—one thing just seemed to lead to another. My son kept running up to me, asking me to play with him in the backyard, but I kept pushing him off, determined to finish the task.

My neighbor, working on her own yard that day, struck up a conversation with me. When I innocently commented to her about how much time had gone into my garage project, she replied, “That’s why my daughter is a minimalist. She keeps telling me I don’t need to own all this stuff.”

I glanced at the pile of dusty items in my driveway and then at my son, swinging alone in the backyard. And in that moment, I realized something that changed my life: My possessions weren’t making me happy. But even worse, they were stealing my time, energy, and attention away from the very thing that DID bring me happiness—my family.

That conversation sparked a change. Over the next nine months, my wife and I removed 60-70% of our possessions, and to this day, I cannot think of a single negative effect from embracing minimalism. This decision has brought nothing but positive outcomes, enriching our lives in countless ways.

And now, here I am 16 years later, with a moment to reflect as I do every year:

15 Years, 15 Lessons: My Journey of Becoming MinimalistTen Ways Minimalism Will Improve Your Life5 Life-Giving Truths From 5 Years of Living with Less

But this particular Memorial Day weekend is especially significant in my home. My youngest daughter graduated high school this week and is preparing to leave for college in the Fall. Our minimalist journey began when my kids were just 5 and 2… and now, 16 years later, they have both graduated high school and are ready to embark on their own adventures.

This beautiful season of life with our children under our roof is about to come to a close. And this has me both emotional and reflective. It is the perfect time to consider how minimalism has shaped their lives and the lessons they have learned along the way because of it.

16 Ways Minimalism Has Positively Impacted My Kids Over the Last 16 Years

1. They’ve learned that they don’t need to buy things to be happy.

For the rest of their lives, advertisers will bombard both Salem and Alexa (and us as well) with the message that happiness can be bought. This is the message of every advertisement we see—that our lives will get better if we buy what they’re selling.

My children have seen, from our example and their own experience, that true happiness doesn’t come from accumulating things. It comes from faith, relationships, selfless impact, and living a life true to one’s values.

2. They’ve learned that you don’t have to live like everyone else.

Society often encourages us to chase bigger houses, nicer cars, and the latest fashions. And I’m sure almost nobody gets through school without feeling the pressure to conform and buy what everyone else is buying.

But my kids have learned that it’s not required to follow all the trends and it’s perfectly okay to live differently. In fact, choosing a path less driven by consumerism has brought them more joy and satisfaction.

3. They’ve learned the value of living within their means.

No matter what their income level might be in the future, my children understand the importance of not overspending to find happiness. Overspending leads to stress and unnecessary burdens. Contentment comes from appreciating what you have, enjoying simple joys, and living within your means.

My children will make their own financial decisions when they get older. But I know they have learned over the last 16 years that living with less is possible and wonderfully enjoyable.

4. They’ve learned the importance of being deliberate in their purchases.

As they’ve pursued new hobbies and interests, my kids have seen us carefully consider each new purchase. They’ve also seen their parents debate and ponder purchasing questions around clothes, and cars, and furniture, and upgrades.

They’ve learned to ask important questions: “What do I truly need? What do I already have that will work? Is this a purchase that is necessary?” This intentionality will serve them well in life.

5. They’ve learned the importance of sharing with others.

Generosity is a natural byproduct of minimalism. My children have witnessed us declutter and donate items, and use our excess resources to help others. They’ve seen us use the book advance from my writing to form and support a nonprofit now providing families for orphaned children in four countries.

No doubt, they understand that their time and money can be powerful tools to solve problems and make a difference in the world.

6. They’ve learned the value of spending time together.

With fewer possessions to clean and organize, we’ve had more time to spend together as a family. My children have learned that the greatest gift we can give to someone else is our time. The memories we’ve made together are priceless and I like to think my children can hold their own at any table playing Pinochle, Rook, Bridge, Euchre, or Spades.

7. They’ve learned they are in control of their stuff, not the other way around.

The more stuff you own, the more your stuff owns you. For 35 years of my life, that was nothing more to me than a saying one might find on a bumper sticker. But now, I fully understand its meaning. And in that regard, my kids are decades ahead of me!

My kids have learned that they don’t have to be burdened by their possessions. They are in control of what they keep and what they let go.

8. They’ve learned they don’t need to follow fads.

In a world artificially obsessed with trends and fads that vary from television to fashion, and retail stores to toys and household appliances, my kids have learned to value timeless quality over exaggerated hype. They are confident in their choices and, I believe, will be less influenced by the ever-changing whims of society and viral marketing.

9. They’ve learned they have something to offer the world other than being a consumer.

Every single day is full of opportunities to make a positive difference in the lives of others. These opportunities are much greater than making a lot of money and buying a lot of things. In fact, many times, those pursuits become the very thing that keep us from making our biggest positive difference in the world.

My kids know that their worth isn’t defined by what they buy or own. They have unique talents and abilities that can contribute to the world in meaningful ways.

10. They’ve learned there are other ways to impress people than with flashy purchases.

My children have seen that character, kindness, and integrity impress more than any material possession ever could. Buying a really fancy car might impress a percentage of the population… but a generous lifestyle impresses everyone.

11. They’ve learned the joy of living for things greater than this world.

For both Kim and myself, our Christian faith has played a significant role in our lives and in how we seek to live out minimalism in the world. My kids understand that more than most—as would be expected.

There are eternal pursuits and there are temporal pursuits. Given the choice, the eternal is always better. And always worth the sacrifice.

On a related note, I have been publishing weekly, faith-based Christian devotionals (Focus on Faith) for the last 16 months. You can find those here or subscribe to receive them via email.

12. They’ve learned the beauty of simplicity.

By living with less, my kids have discovered the beauty of a simple life. There is calm to be found in a focused life. But even more, there is such opportunity for passion, meaning, and fulfillment to be found in the clarity that comes from not being overwhelmed by stuff.

13. They’ve learned to be resourceful.

Dave Bruno, in his book The 100 Thing Challenge, was the first person I ever heard connect the dots between minimalism and creativity. There is more than one way to solve a problem and I trust my kids have seen that lived out numerous times over the years.

14. They’ve learned to prioritize experiences over things.

Our family has chosen to spend money on experiences rather than things. The research on this is very clear: Compared to physical possessions, spending money on experiences results in more happiness before, during, and after.

And now that they will begin the next steps of creating their own lives and families, I am so, so grateful that they will carry with them many wonderful memories. And hopefully be motivated to create their own memories with their own kids some day.

15. They’ve learned to not see the world through the lens of competition.

As I have written previously, I’m competitive by nature. Without minimalism on my radar, competition came easy to me and made perfect sense. Work hard and make more to buy more and have more.

Minimalism hasn’t changed my nature entirely. But it has caused me to reevaluate the role of competition and greater appreciate the benefits of cooperation and encouragement. Even more, it has paved the way for more selfless living—working hard to lift others up rather than tear them down.

I hope my children have learned the importance of cheering for others, lifting others up, giving back to the community, and that true fulfillment comes from serving others.

16. They’ve learned to live intentionally.

Above all, my children have learned to live intentionally. They have learned the importance of (and how) to make choices based on their values and priorities, not on societal expectations. No doubt, this lesson will guide them throughout their lives, helping them to live with purpose and meaning, wherever they end up and whatever they end up doing.

Looking back over these past 16 years, I am immensely grateful for the journey minimalism has led us on.

Not only has it changed my life in countless ways, it has positively shaped my children’s lives in ways I could never have imagined. As they prepare to leave home, I am confident that the lessons they’ve learned from our 16 years of minimalism will continue to shape their values and inspire them to live the best lives they can possibly live.

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To my readers, thank you for being a part of this journey. Your support and encouragement have meant the world to me over the last 16 years. Here’s to a new season in our family’s life—and hopefully many more years of living intentionally and inspiring others to own less and live more.

The post 16 Ways Minimalism Has Positively Impacted My Kids Over the Last 16 Years appeared first on Becoming Minimalist.

Inspiring Simplicity. Weekend Reads.

My desire with each Weekend Reads is to provide you with articles and posts that encourage simplicity and minimalist living. Below, you will find links to blog posts and news stories that I hand-picked over the last couple weeks. I hope you find inspiration and practical help inside them.

That is my goal on Becoming Minimalist: to intentionally promote simplicity in a world that needs to hear it.

The Myth of the Fairytale Wardrobe | The Times by Anna Murphy. There is no such thing as the perfect white shirt or pair of jeans, or any item of clothing — so let’s give up the hunt.

Minimalism as a Tool | Rich In What Matters by Julia Ubbenga. Here are four ancient minimalists who used minimalism as a tool.

How To Simplify Life When Life Isn’t Simple | Little Minimalist On The Prairies by Lauren. How do we deal with and strive for a simpler way of living when it seems like everything around us is running at a hectic and chaotic pace?

The Possibility of Slowing Down | Zen Habits by Leo Babauta. What would it be like to slow down? To find stillness in your day, moments of rest and quietude?

10 Practical Ideas to Spend Less Money Shopping | Simple Money by Harper Bennett. Here are ten practical ideas to help you spend less money while shopping.

How to Edit Everything | No Sidebar by Karen Trefzger. If we edit the clutter from our homes the way a writer edits words, we wind up with just what we wanted. No fluff. Just the pure and useful cream of the crop.

Recently Released Inspiring Videos

The Single Easiest Habit Change to Improve Your Life Forever | YouTube by Joshua Becker. Today I want to share with you the easiest way to get more time in your day and improve your life, and it’s probably easier than you think.

There are Better Things to be than Rich | YouTube by Joshua Becker. Once our basic needs have been met, money contributes very little to our overall happiness and well-being. But more than that, there are actually a number of inherent dangers in possessing riches. Or maybe I should say, at the very least, there are better things to be than rich.

The post Inspiring Simplicity. Weekend Reads. appeared first on Becoming Minimalist.

Introducing Becoming Minimalist Shorts

If you’ve spent any time on the Internet over the last ten years, you know the growth of Short Video Content has been astronomical. Tik-Toks, Reels, Shorts, the list goes on and on—people love them.

Well, if that’s where the world is hanging out, why not use the platform for good?

Over the past couple months, I have been posting shorts videos (60-seconds or less) on Facebook, Instagram, X, and YouTube that are designed intentionally to inspire others to own less and provide succinct, practical tips and advice on how to accomplish that.

If you enjoy that type of content (as so many people do), you can find my short videos here:

YouTube Shorts
Facebook Reels
Instagram Stories
Or on X

New short videos are uploaded every Tuesday.

And to give you just a little sense of the format, over the last two months, here are my three most popular short form videos:

The Joy of Not Wanting Things (FB)

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One Habit to Change Your Life in One Month (YT)

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The Essential Item for Your Capsule Wardrobe (IG)

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Joshua Becker (@joshua_becker)

If you find this type of video content helpful or would like these types of messages to show up in your social media feeds, you can like, follow, or subscribe to Becoming Minimalist on Facebook, YouTube, Instagram, and/or X.

Welcome aboard!

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Why These 10 Decluttering Lies Are Sabotaging Your Efforts

If you’ve ever felt overwhelmed by the clutter in your home, you are not alone. Many people start the journey to a simpler space only to find themselves discouraged by the task ahead. It can be very overwhelming at the start.

Quickly, it starts to look like the road to decluttering will be filled with endless challenges, missteps, discouragements, and frustrations. At that point, it just seems easier to give up.

But what if some of the obstacles we think we’ll face are built on misconceptions?

What if some of the assumptions we believe to be true are actually the beliefs holding us back? In some instances, that is exactly the case.

So let’s address (and dismantle) the 10 biggest decluttering lies that might be holding you back from getting started or making progress—so you can move forward with confidence and clarity.

1. Decluttering Has No End

One of the most daunting misconceptions is that decluttering is an endless task and there is no finish line anyway. This lie can make the process seem overwhelming and futile.

In reality, while our needs and circumstances change over time, requiring periodic reassessment, decluttering does not need to be a job without an end.

Decluttering, in its original phase, does have an end and it’s amazing. The quicker and harder you work, the sooner you can get there.

Then by establishing a mindful approach to what we own and reassessing what items bring value to our lives, we can maintain a clutter-free environment that grows and adapts with us.

2. Decluttering Has to Go Slow

Many believe that decluttering must be a slow, gradual process. While for some, taking it slow helps prevent overwhelm, this isn’t a one-size-fits-all approach.

Some may find that a more rapid decluttering session can lead to quick, motivating changes that inspire further action. One guy even famously decluttered his entire life in one weekend.

The work doesn’t have to be slow. The key is to understand your emotional and physical limits and choose a pace that suits your lifestyle and preferences.

3. Decluttering Decisions Should Be Easy

This lie can be particularly discouraging. But if you find making decluttering decisions difficult, you are not alone and you are still able to make progress.

Deciding what to keep and what to let go can be an emotional process. And almost everybody stands face-to-face with difficult decision.

Acknowledge that it’s okay to feel attached to your belongings and to struggle with these decisions. Over time, as you practice, this process will become easier.

4. You Need to Be a Minimalist to Declutter

Decluttering does not require you to live with the bare minimum.

I think minimalism is great. But there’s a difference between decluttering and minimalism. Embrace decluttering as a way to enhance your life by removing excess, not everything.

5. You Should Keep Everything You Use

Let me reframe your thinking a little bit about decluttering. Many people start with the question, “Do I use it?” And if the answer is yes, they’ll quickly decide to keep the item.

But the reality is, “Just because you use an item doesn’t mean you need to keep it.”

 Our homes are filled with countless things we think we need just because we occasionally use them.

But if there’s something else in the home that can accomplish the same task, we don’t need to keep extras.

6. You Should Never Regret Letting Something Go

Regret is a natural part of life and decluttering is no exception. It’s normal to occasionally regret a decision to part with an item.

But these regrets are few and far between and typically don’t outweigh the benefits and freedom that come from owning less.

Besides, it’s better to get rid of a thousand things and realize maybe you needed one of them later than it is to keep 999 things in your home that you never use.

7. The More You Throw Away, the Better

Decluttering isn’t just about throwing things away—it’s about making thoughtful decisions on what to keep and what to part with.

Sure, some things are just trash and need to be thrown away. But donating, selling, and recycling items are all part of a responsible decluttering process—and can often serve to be more motivating.

8. Decluttering is Expensive

Some think that decluttering involves buying fancy organizational tools and systems. In truth, decluttering should help reduce your need for additional items.

It doesn’t cost more to own less… it costs more to own more.

9. A Clean Space Equals a Decluttered Space

It’s easy to confuse cleanliness with decluttering. But a clean home isn’t necessarily decluttered if closets and drawers are bursting at the seams.

10. Decluttering Is Purely Physical

While decluttering your physical space is amazingly life-changing, don’t overlook the mental and emotional clutter. Simplifying your schedule, commitments, and goals can also have profound effects on your overall well-being.

By recognizing these decluttering lies before we even get started, we can approach the process with a clearer understanding, more realistic expectations, and better pathway going forward.

Decluttering is definitely a personal journey and each person is in charge of making their own decisions for their unique home and family. But regardless of how you choose to pursue it, owning less will help pave the way for a more meaningful and purpose-filled life.

The post Why These 10 Decluttering Lies Are Sabotaging Your Efforts appeared first on Becoming Minimalist.