Joshua Becker's Blog, page 34

15 Simple Ways to Brighten Someone’s Life Today

Last December, I attended a large event here in Phoenix—a thousand people or so.

During one of the breaks, I happened upon the organizer of the event in a hallway. He didn’t know me, and we had never met—I only knew him from seeing him on the stage.

I shook his hand and thanked him for the lovely time I was having.

He looked me straight in the eyes and replied, “I am really glad you are here.” The sincerity in his voice and expression was obvious. It felt like love.

The conversation took less than 30 seconds and yet it changed my entire day and evening. I felt welcomed and appreciated. My life was brightened.

In fact, here I am, over six months later, still talking about the impact that short conversation had on me.

As Brennan Manning once said, “In every encounter, we either give life or we drain it.”

In a world so desperately in need of life and love, let’s be intentional in giving it.

And as proven to me yet again six months ago, these life-giving interactions don’t have to be long and time-consuming. Sometimes they can be incredibly simple. In fact, here are 15 you can probably complete by the end of the day:

15 Simple Ways to Brighten Someone’s Life Today

1. Offer a compliment.

Compliment someone on their work, their smile, or that enviable quality you’ve seen in them over the years.

2. Send a loving note, message, or text.

A kind word sent via private message takes less than 60 seconds but communicates significantly a powerful message that can last a lifetime.

3. Leave an extra $5 tip.

If you don’t typically leave a tip, brighten someone’s day be leaving one. If you usually do, randomly add to it for a job well done.

4. Say “I love you.”

The old adage about not saying “I love you” enough has remained relevant because it’s true (unfortunately). Your parents, your spouse, your kids… remind them again today.

5. Pay for a stranger’s coffee or meal.

When my wife and I were dating, an unknown couple in an Applebee’s restaurant randomly and anonymously paid for our bill. It was a simple gesture that we bring up almost every time we eat in an Applebee’s—literally 25 years later.

Want to brighten someone’s day and give them a story to tell everyone they meet for the rest of the day? Pay for the customer’s coffee behind you in line at the drive-thru.

6. Remember to ask your friend or co-worker about something important in their life.

The next time your friend or co-worker tells you about an upcoming appointment or event, make a mental note to ask them how it went the next time you see them.

7. Come home early from work.

If you have kids, they won’t live at home forever. And it’s always a fun surprise to have mom/dad come home early from work—especially during the summer.

8. Offer a meal to a family in need.

That family from your neighborhood fighting cancer, or with the newborn, or working hard as a single parent. Offer to bring them a home-cooked meal or a restaurant gift card. The gift provides both time and money. But even more, it reminds people they are not alone.

9. Bring a treat.

Doughnuts for the office or a favorite dessert for the family. Either one is sure to brighten a day.

10. Offer to take someone’s picture at a well-known attraction.

The next time you are at a well-known attraction or witnessing a couple or family trying to take a selfie of themselves, offer to hold the camera and take it for them. The simple gesture usually takes less than a few seconds but provides a lifetime of memories for the people in the photo—especially if they are trying to capture a moment in the background.

11. Hold the door open for someone.

For some reason, in our post-pandemic world, this simple gesture seems to carry even more significance. If you’ve already touched the handle, go the extra step, and hold it open for the next person so they don’t need to.

12. Tell a friend you were thinking about them.

If something in your day caused you to think of a friend, tell them. “I just watched _______ and it made me think of you because you were the first to tell me about it.” “I just ate at _____ and it made me think of you because I know you like that place.”

13. Laugh at your friend’s joke.

Go ahead—even if it’s not that funny. If someone took the time to try and make you laugh, the least you can do is reward them with it :)

14. Tell someone how they have changed your life.

If someone’s actions, words, or life has inspired you and changed you for the better in any way, take the time to let them know that.

15. Say “it’s really good to see you.”

With sincerity and honesty. You never know how much an impact that simple sentence can have. Who knows, it just might inspire a blog post, read by hundreds of thousands, months later…

A brighter, simpler world? Yes please.

The Difference Between Busy and Non-Busy People

Have you ever noticed how “busy” has become the new “fine”? As in, when you used to ask somebody how they were doing, they would answer, “Fine.” But nowadays, everybody answers, “Busy.”

Sometimes, people say it just to sound important. But most of the time, the person legitimately means it. They’re busy. There are too many responsibilities and not enough time in the day nor energy in the body to accomplish everything they want to do.

Busy has become the default state for many of us. But is the state improving our lives? Certainly not.

Statistics indicate that 75% of parents are too busy to read to their children at night. A rising number of children are being placed in day cares and after-school activities. Americans are having a hard time finding opportunity for vacations these days. About 33% of Americans are living with extreme stress daily, and nearly 50% of people say they regularly lie awake at night because of stress.

This is a problem. Activity is good, but we can become too busy.

It doesn’t have to be this way.

While busyness seems to be the prevailing condition of the human spirit these days, it is not true of everyone. In other words, busyness is not inevitable.

Some people are not busy. They appear calm, collected, and in control… but still productive. They are enviable in the life they live. What do they understand about life that others do not?

Learning from the Differences

Over the past fourteen years of minimizing my possessions and embracing greater intentionality in life, I’ve given lots of thought to this question:

How do we unbusy our lives but continue to pursue a significant and productive life?

Over the years, I’ve learned a lot from watching others and embracing habits and practices in my own life.

There is a difference between busy and non-busy people. Here are some of the most significant differences I have noticed:

Unbusy people know their purpose.

Unbusy people have thought long and hard about the legacy they want to leave, the goals they choose to pursue, and the significance they wish to discover.

These purposes may change or evolve over the course of one’s life, but they provide boundaries and a road map for the way they spend their days and time.

Goals shape us and goals move us. When we become resolved in the goals we pursue, we are less likely to allow distractions to remain in our life.

Every day we are presented with countless choices of how to spend our time, our energy, our effort, and our money. The wisest of us recognize we have the power to choose (more on that in a moment). But more than that, we know what we should choose, because we are guided by our life’s greatest mission.

Unbusy people are adamant about saying no to things that do not align with their mission.

Of course, sometimes the choices are obvious (I was never good at hockey, woodworking, or automobile mechanics, for example). But the hardest work is done in the trenches.

Staying on mission is about learning to say no to the urgent requests, the popular requests, and the countless opportunities in front of us each day—even good things that we could do. This becomes easier to do, the more resolved we become about our purpose in life.

What is your purpose? What goals do you have for your life? On what mission do you desire to live? And what plan have you developed to help you get there?

Pursue those with your heart and your life. And learn to say no to all the countless opportunities that will distract you from it.

Unbusy people know they have choice in life.

One of the most life-changing discoveries you can make in the pursuit of an unbusy life is the reality that busyness is a decision we make. We are never forced into a lifestyle of busyness.

We control our days. Our hours and our schedules are determined by us.

Greg McKeown, in his book Essentialism, says it this way: “No one can take away your right to choose. You can’t even give it away if you want. You can only forget that you have the power to decide.”

Now, this reality that we always have a choice in life doesn’t mean that there aren’t some external demands that may be placed on our lives. Anybody who has parented a young child knows this to be the case.

But in almost every case, when you get down to it, it is a decision that we made to put ourselves in that situation. You may have demands on your time from a boss, but your choice to stay in that job is yours. A newborn baby may require your time for a period of time, but what pursuit in life is more significant than raising your child?

You are not a victim and you are not a martyr. You need to show up in your life. In fact, you are the only one who can. You always have a choice. Unbusy people understand this and walk in that reality.

Unbusy people say no to almost everything.

Unbusy people know they can achieve more by doing less. Seneca wrote, “Everybody agrees that no one pursuit can be successfully followed by a man who is preoccupied with many things.”

Warren Buffett is credited as saying it this way: “The difference between successful people and very successful people is that very successful people say ‘no’ to almost everything.”

Now, your definition of very successful may be different than Warren Buffett’s, but the truth remains the same. If you desire to be successful in your most valued pursuits, you need to say no to the less important pursuits that distract you from them.

Recognize the inherent value in the word no. Learning to say no to less important commitments opens your life to pursue the most important.

Overcome your fear of saying no by reminding yourself, What my family, friends, and world need most is the best version of me that I can possibly be, accomplishing the most good with the one life I’ve been given.

Unbusy people don’t get distracted by unfulfilling pursuits.

You can never accumulate enough of the things that do not lead to fulfillment.

If, by definition, a pursuit can never satisfy our soul and longing for meaning and happiness, it is a pursuit with no end—it will always demand more time and energy. No matter how passionately we pursue it, we are left empty at the end of the day.

I fear too many of our lives resemble this interaction. We search for happiness, fulfillment, and meaning in the wrong places. We have searched for happiness in a number of society’s greatest offerings and have found most of them lacking—or fleeting.

We have searched for happiness in a bigger paycheck… only to discover we immediately desired an even bigger one.

We have searched for happiness in a job promotion or recognition… only to discover the accolades don’t last.

We have searched for happiness in bigger homes… only to discover they are accompanied by burdensome mortgage payments.

We have searched for happiness in fancier cars… only to discover they get scratches and dings just like the others.

We have searched for happiness in alcohol and drugs and sex… only to discover the pleasure has disappeared by morning.

We have searched for happiness in large savings accounts… only to discover money can’t solve all our problems.

When a pursuit does not provide lasting fulfillment, we have two choices:

First, we can chase after it harder and harder, hoping it will eventually satisfy. Or second, we can reject that pursuit altogether.

Choose the latter.

The sooner we recognize these pursuits will never fully satisfy, the easier it is to unbusy our lives.

Surely, lasting happiness and fulfillment can be found somewhere. There is something deep inside telling us that pursuing happiness is not an entirely futile endeavor. We just need to start looking in the right places.

And the sooner we recognize that the pursuits above will never fully satisfy, the easier it is to unbusy our lives.

Unbusy people value the significance of rest.

One of the reasons many of us keep busy schedules is we fail to recognize the value of rest. Rest is essential to our bodies, our minds, and our souls.

Consider the benefits that rest offers: a healthier body, improved life/work balance, less stress, deeper relationships, better opportunity to evaluate life’s direction, refreshed outlook, even increased productivity.

Yet, despite all the proven benefits, intentionally setting aside regular time for rest is a practice that has become undervalued and underappreciated in today’s culture. We have become overworked, overstressed, and exhausted.

Yet setting aside one day each week for rest remains a practice that fewer and fewer people practice regularly (never mind the idea of taking a two-week vacation).

Overlooking the importance of rest is certainly not unique to our modern society. But our culture has made it increasingly difficult to take rest without specific intentionality.

Rest is not laziness. It is essential for our bodies and spirit. See it as such and embrace it regularly.

Take time for lunch. Find space in your morning to sit quietly before starting your day. Invest in solitude, meditation, or prayer. Find opportunity for breaks at work in between projects. Begin right away cultivating little moments of space and margin in your otherwise busy day.

I work hard to keep an entire day of rest as an important part of my life and weekly routine. But it is an upward battle that requires relentless intentionality—we live in a culture that has far too often underappreciated its value.

Schedule rest on your calendar. Then guard it at all costs.

The Miracle of Margin

If we are wise, we will take our lives seriously. We will seek to develop our talents and skills and grow in our abilities and potential to be our best.

We will realize, however, that this does not occur in a life that is burdened by an over-filled, cluttered, busy schedule.

As unbusy people, we will create margin in life by removing inessential pursuits. In so doing, we will live focused on the things that matter most.

Encouraging Simplicity. Weekend Reads.

It was so encouraging last night to meet many of you in Phoenix for the official kick-off to the Things That Matter Tour. More photos here.

I was impacted by many of your stories and hope the evening further inspired all of us to remove distractions to focus on the things that matter.

There are 11 U.S. cities remaining on the Summer Tour (Midwest and South). You can find the all the dates/locations here.

In the meantime, I hope you will make an effort this weekend to find a quiet moment to enjoy some of these hand-picked articles to encourage more simplicity in your life.

7 Simple Habits for a Happier Life | The Simplicity Habit by Julianna Poplin. By incorporating the right ones into our routine – and saying goodbye to negative habits that aren’t helping us – we can breathe more freely, smile more, and ultimately be happier.

Use Story to Change Your Life | Zen Habits by Leo Babauta. Most of us don’t realize how powerful stories are in our lives, because we don’t even notice that we’re telling ourselves a story. But stories shape everything.

Inbox Pause? How About an Inbox Reset? | Study Hacks Blog by Cal Newport. Several readers have recently pointed me toward a productivity tool called Inbox Pause, which allows you to prevent messages from arriving in your email inbox for a set amount of time.

Minimal on Purpose | No Sidebar by Karen Trefzger. Minimalism is not about having or doing a certain number of things. It’s not about rigid rules. But it is about making choices to remove what isn’t important or isn’t working for you in order to highlight and make room, time, energy, and/or money for what is.

Owning Less is Better than Thinking About Owning Less | Becoming Minimalist on YouTube

How You Can Take a Digital Detox this Summer

Derrick, 17, rolls out of bed and wanders into the kitchen. His dad is making coffee and asks if Derrick wants some breakfast, maybe toast and an omelet? Derrick grunts, grabs his phone, and curls up in the corner of the couch, ignoring food and father.

Twenty minutes later, dad walks by and mentions that the first bell at school is in 10 minutes. Derrick unfolds from the couch, throws on sweats, and rushes out the door, calling a hasty goodbye over his shoulder.

Technology can become a distraction from living life to the fullest, an obstacle that often needs to be reevaluated if we are to focus on things that matter. It has a habit of getting inside us and changing our minds, hearts, and wills.

It’s pervasive enough and influential enough that we can’t afford to assume the distraction is something we can handle. We’ve got to decide who’s going to be the master in our lives—us or tech.

When Monica scrolls through her feed, she feels triumphant—her parents think she is looking for new décor ideas for her bedroom. They are updating her room, and at age 13 she loves finding the latest trends online.

But what they don’t know is that from the image-sharing website she can also view videos from the social media app they have not yet approved. Before she knows it, an hour has passed and she hasn’t even begun to look at any room décor. Besides that, she’s starting to feel dissatisfied with the choices she’s made so far in her room—maybe she doesn’t like that new rug after all.

We are losing control of our lives and our passions due to the seductive nature of technology. Technology is stealing our time. Even worse, it is making us feel bad about ourselves. Unfocused and isolated, we only turn to technology more and more.

Devon’s lunch hour is too short to go home, but the comradery in the employee lounge is always a refreshing break. When everyone worked from home during the pandemic, the lounge stayed empty for almost a year. Now that most employees are back in person, the room hums again with conversation.

But in the isolation of the pandemic, Devon grew accustomed to playing a game on his phone during lunch. It’s a great one—he only needs five minutes to play a round, and he’s pretty good at it. It gives him a nice break from the drudgery of his work, and he still has time to eat and check his personal email. He’s not staying in the lounge for lunch anymore, though. He’d rather grab his food and head back to his cubicle where he can play in peace while he eats.

How do we recognize these large—yet subtle—distractions in our lives? How do we regularly assess the path of our lives to ensure that we’re seeking and investing in the most significant things?

Perhaps it’s not as hard as we imagine. Maybe it requires only a little intentionality and effort. And often, realizing what’s going on is the first step.

Kinsley looks down at her nursing baby to find him staring at her, waiting for her eyes to lock on his. But she hadn’t noticed because of the phone in her hand, the feed on her screen. “When my baby looked at my face, I wanted him to see my eyes looking back at him,” she recalls. It was the beginning of the end of social media for this mother of four.

* * *

I give you these examples because our tech use is so pervasive we hardly even notice its impact anymore. Who do you envision when you read these stories? Do you see your child, your friend, yourself?

I’d like to flip the narrative. Let’s check in before we check out. Let’s create before we consume. Let’s use tech as a tool, rather than a toy.

The key is not to throw out all tech, but it would be wise for all of us to reboot, take a step back, and realign tech into its rightful place in our lives. The leaders of technology are not going to stop warring for our focus, our time, and our money.

We must learn to fight back in a responsible way if we’re going to live lives that matter. Let’s take responsibility for our part in submitting to the tyranny of tech.

I challenge you to a tech detox. Summer is coming, and with it often comes a change of pace. Take the opportunity to turn off your technological inputs to the barest essentials.

I encourage you, this summer, to take 29 days and detangle from technology as much as you conceivably can. It takes some adjustment, but this practice reboots your awareness of your tech use, and gives you the opportunity to realign its use around your priorities, not the priorities of the tech creators.

It begins with a decision.

Are you living life to the fullest? Can you take a break from your 24-7 tech use for one month this summer to take back control of your life? Of course you can! Once you’ve made the decision to take a tech detox, tell someone. We all need accountability.

Then think through what you need from your tech for living and working. Be ruthless in eliminating what you don’t need.

Do you use a grocery store app for coupons? See if paper coupons are an option—or try shopping instead at a less expensive store for the month to save money.

Do you need to take pictures of your child’s birthday party? Dig out that old digital camera, charge the batteries, and take the memory card into the drugstore to get the pictures printed afterward.

Do you need to check your email on your phone from your bed at 10 p.m.? Save it for the workday when you are at your computer.

Make a specific plan for your 29-day detox—what will you delete from your phone and what will you use? Will you turn on the family TV, and for what reasons? What curfew will you set on your computer?

Enable screen time limits on your device and let your accountability friend set the passcode; use a free trial of website blocking software so you can focus at work.

Your loved ones will notice the difference in your attention and attentiveness. Within your 29 days, if possible, set aside a week for a family or friend-group detox and plan out-of-the-ordinary activities to enjoy together.

We can rebel against the shadowy motivations of tech companies who profit from our attention and information. If we do, we’ll be freed to focus on things that matter.

And summer is the perfect season to give it a try.

The Life Fulfilling Joy of Living in Alignment

Maybe the greatest gift you can ever give yourself is to live a life fully aligned with your values.

When you spend your money, time, and energy on the things that bring you happiness today and joy tomorrow, you experience peace, confidence, and satisfaction in the present life you have chosen to live.

Unfortunately, in many respects, we live lives that are too easily pleased. We rely on possessions and money to satisfy our heart’s desire. Or we get caught up in other selfish pursuits, like fame, accolades, or notoriety.

We often fall into the assumption that the secret to a fulfilled life is the possession of more belongings and the achievement of personal gain.

But while we are settling for the temporal pleasure of material possessions, is it possible we are missing out on something better? Is it possible we are missing things that would bring even greater satisfaction and more lasting pleasure to our lives?

Could it be that we were designed for something greater than material acquisitions? And that the greatest act of self-care we could partake in is to stop settling for anything less than the best?

C. S. Lewis said it this way: “Our desires are not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.”

This quote has become one of the most influential in my life. It can be applied to so many different areas of our lives.

It is foolishness to trade a vacation by the sea for mud pies in an alley. And yet that is what many of us do when we neglect to live centered on our values, tossed about by cultural expectations instead.

Consider this: rare is the person who lists money and possessions among their greatest goals in life, but we spend most of our time and energy trying to acquire them. In fact, according to one survey, 70% of us say our desire for acquiring more money influences our daily decisions.

But our hearts long for something greater. We long for family, love, relationships, and impact. We speak of making a difference with the one life we live. We long for “a holiday by the sea,” but settle for “mud pies” instead. Somewhere along the way, the world has come along and hijacked our passions and directed it toward temporal, unfulfilling pursuits.

As a result, we begin living haphazardly—so involved in the day-to-day meanderings of life that we are no longer able to visualize anything different. Our pursuits are being dictated by the voices and culture around us, rather than the heart inside us.

And if we’re not living haphazardly, we’re living selfishly. We worry about our career, our house, our car, our appearance, and our own glory. We offer little concern toward the plight of others.

On one level, it is important to focus on our needs and work hard to meet them, but it is also life giving to give concern to the needs of the people around us. The size of our universe shrinks significantly when we place ourselves at the center. And most of us deep down understand that and desire to live for others.

When our passions and values are hijacked by the world, we begin to pursue the wrong things.

But as Albert Einstein is credited as saying, “Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.”

There are invisible things in this universe that will bring far greater joy and satisfaction to our lives than what everyone is chasing.

Don’t Waste Your Life

Recently, I spoke to a room full of high school students. I was told by the organizers speak about “anything you think is important.” Given all the possible conversations someone could have with a roomful of high schoolers, that was quite a broad invitation.

In the end, I chose to speak a message that I titled, “Don’t Waste Your Life.”

This is a message important to all people and not to be wasted on only the young. But the younger we are, the harder it is to embrace the reality that life is finite and we only get one shot at it. However, the sooner we free up our lives to live the one we want, the longer we get to live it.

Among the advice I gave them, I offered this nugget of truth: “Don’t just drift through life. Live with intention and purpose.” This is a central decision to not waste our days. And even when we learn it once, we need to return to it daily. Living with intention and purpose is not always easy:

Living with intention requires us to examine ourselves and study who we are.

We need a strong handle on our passions, talents, abilities, weaknesses, and guiding worldview. This is an endeavor that requires time and energy, but it is one of the most valuable things we can do.

Living with intention requires us to realize that our lives are the sum of our choices.

Every morning is a new day full of decisions and opportunities, and we get to pick our attitude and our decisions. Sure, there are times when circumstances and expectations require us to follow through with commitment.

But we don’t have to let the circumstances of our past (or present) determine the pattern of our lives in the future. We always have a choice in the matter—even if our choice is to stay true to the trial we are currently facing.

To live an intentional life, we must evaluate the culture we are swimming in.

Life is not lived in a vacuum. It is lived surrounded by a culture that is moving somewhere, and the culture around us forms a swift downstream current. Living with intention will require us to take a step back and evaluate the flow of the stream to determine where it is headed, how it is affecting us, and if it is taking us in a direction we desire.

Minimalism: Pathway to Intentionality

Fourteen years ago, I was introduced to minimalism—a lifestyle of purposefully owning fewer possessions.

At the time, I was only looking for a little relief. I was weary of living paycheck to paycheck. I was tired of spending so much money on myself, knowing there were others in need. And I was upset over the time and energy being wasted on cleaning, organizing, repairing, and maintaining our stuff.

Our decision to intentionally live with fewer possessions was motivated by discontent. But regardless of our motivation, shortly after the decision was made, we found countless life benefits: freedom, productivity, rest, and a whole bunch more.

But the greatest benefit that we discovered was intentionality—and in places we never imagined.

Embracing minimalism brought a way to align my money, time, and energy with my greatest values.

Minimalism brought intentionality to my finances.

Owning less did not provide me with more money (except for the items we sold), but it did provide me with new opportunities for my money. Once the hold of consumerism on my checkbook was broken, I could use my money for more valuable purposes than the clearance rack at the local department store.

Minimalism brought intentionality to my habits.

Six months after discovering minimalism, I was faced with a pending birthday. After spending so many months removing clutter from my home and life, the last thing I wanted to receive was anything that could become clutter. Brainstorming nonphysical gift ideas, I took notice of a new fitness gym that had just opened down the street from my house. And for the first time I had space, the motivation, and the finances to get in shape and place a priority on the fitness of my body.

Minimalism brought intentionality to my diet.

The last thing you want to put in your body after working out is junky, processed food. So I started making healthier food choices: more fruit, more vegetables, less sugar. I began to form new friendships with other simple living advocates—many of whom modeled intentional diets.

Over the years, I have experimented with many of their ideas. Each time, I discovered new foods to eat and an increased understanding of the food I put in my body.

Minimalism brought intentionality to my faith.

Minimalism offered the opportunity to slow down. As I began to realize how much of my thinking had been hijacked by advertisements and a consumer-driven society, I was drawn to the practice of meditation and solitude. I was drawn to find new voices for guidance.

Being raised in a religious home, I was also drawn to find the voice of a higher power—one who knew more and could reorient my life around greater, more eternal pursuits. Minimalism isn’t necessarily a spiritual pursuit for everyone, but it became one to me.

Minimalism brought intentionality to my relationships.

Owning less opened the door for new relationships in my life. I was able to become more involved with my neighbors and community. I was more willing to have people in my home, as preparing for their arrival became easier. I spent less time shopping and cleaning and organizing and began to spend more time with the people who made life enjoyable.

My capacity for, and appreciation of, relationships began (and continues) to grow.

Minimalism brought intentionality to my work.

The longer I lived with fewer possessions, the more my view of money began to change. It became less important. My essential needs are met and I have enough left over to practice generosity—what else is needed?

As my view of money shifted, so did my motivation for work. Work became less about the paycheck and more about the value and contribution I could provide to people’s lives. It opened the door even wider for honesty, cooperation, people, passion, and joy at work.

Minimalism brought intentionality to my “heart pursuits.”

Living with less opened the opportunity for contentment, gratitude, and generosity to take deeper root in my heart. It forced me to redefine happiness. Happiness was no longer for sale at the department store.

Instead, I discovered it was a decision available to us all along. And once I stopped looking in the wrong places, I was able to find happiness in the right places.

Minimalism brought intentionality to my values and passions.

Minimalism is the intentional promotion of the things we most value and the removal of everything that distracts us from it. And while this looks different for each person, it always requires its pursuer to further define his or her passions—and discover intentionality because of it.

I entered into minimalism because of discontent in my life. But among its greatest gifts it brought intentionality. And I couldn’t be more thankful. Because if you only get one life to live, you might as well make it the best one possible.

After all, the greatest gift you can ever give yourself is to live a life fully aligned with your values.

Inspiring Simplicity. Weekend Reads.

My desire with each Weekend Reads is to provide you with articles and posts that encourage simplicity and minimalist living. Below, you will find links to blog posts and news stories that I hand-picked over the last couple weeks. I hope you find inspiration and practical help inside them.

But also, if you get a chance, share these posts with others via social media. With our efforts united, not only will each of us be inspired to own less and live more, but the life-giving message of minimalism will spread further and quicker, deeper and with greater effectiveness.

And that is my goal on Becoming Minimalist: to intentionally promote simplicity in a world that needs to hear it.

Try Decluttering This Spring Instead of Just Cleaning | Tree Hugger by Katherine Martinko. “There is no convenient time in which to engage in a deep and deliberate decluttering of your home. But now is better than later—and you might as well get started on it before the summer comes.”

The Great Junk Transfer is Coming. A Look at the Burden of Decluttering as Canadians Inherit Piles of Their Parents’ Stuff | The Globe and Mail by Erin Anderssen. Sorting, storing and disposing of old family belongings will be a labour-intensive challenge in the next decade as baby boomers age

8 Minimalist Principles For Our Kids | No Sidebar by Mollie Donghia. “We’ve seen the benefits for ourselves as adults and want to share this lifestyle with our kids too, so in this post I’ll share 8 lessons in minimalism that we aim to teach them as they grow into more independent thinkers.”

Accountant Retires on Cruise Ships to Avoid Cost of Land Living | The Washington Post by Sydney Page. “When Angelyn Burk, a recently retired accountant, decided to crunch some numbers one evening last year, she made a stunning discovery: It would be cheaper for her and her husband to spend their retirement perpetually aboard cruise ships than to continue living on land.”

3 Simple Ways to Become a Minimalist (Without Selling All Your Stuff) | Medium by Stephan Joppich. “Being a minimalist should never feel like a competition, exclusive VIP club, or tough grind. Quite the opposite. It should be rewarding, effortless, and accessible to everyone.”

Just Because You Use an Item Doesn’t Mean You Need to Keep It | Becoming Minimalist on YouTube. For a lot of us, when we’re determining whether to declutter a particular item, we start with the question “do I use this?” Here’s why that may not be the best approach.

14 Reasons I’ve Been Able to Sustain Minimalism for 14 Years

On this weekend, 14 years ago, I discovered minimalism.

It was Memorial Day weekend of 2008 and my wife and I set aside Saturday morning for our annual Spring cleaning.

I volunteered to clean the garage hoping my 5-year-old would enjoy the project. His interest lasted about 30 seconds. Unfortunately, my cleaning project would take several hours.

As my frustration grew, I struck up a conversation with my neighbor who had been busy working on her home as well. When I commented how frustrated I was after so many hours of working on the garage, she replied to me, “That’s why my daughter is a minimalist. She keeps telling me I don’t need to own all this stuff.“

I looked at the pile of dirty, dusty possessions I had spent all morning cleaning and organizing. At that very moment, out of the corner of my eye, I saw my son swinging alone on the swing set in the backyard—where he had been all morning long.

And I suddenly realized not only were my possessions not making me happy, they were actually taking me away from the very thing that did bring me happiness. And not just happiness. But meaning, joy, significance, and purpose.

That moment was the beginning of minimalism in my life.

I started this blog, Becoming Minimalist, that exact same weekend. I can’t imagine there’s anyone around who has been reading this blog for 14 years. But if you have, do let me know in the comment section! I’d love to thank you after all this time.

Minimalism is a lifestyle I was attracted to immediately and it is an approach to life that I continue to pursue—even 14 years later. Even though the world will shout consumerism to me from every billboard, website, and advertisement, I have not strayed from my pursuit.

Here are 14 reasons I’ve been able to sustain minimalism for 14 years:1. I write about it.

I like to think I would have stuck with minimalism even without starting this blog, but I’m not entirely sure.

Writing about minimalism and consumerism consistently have forced me to think about it deeply and have firmed my resolve over and over again.

On a broader scale, that is what journaling does for us—it forces us to see the world differently and think about it more deeply.

No doubt this blog has been a significant reason I’ve sustained minimalism.

2. I noticed, quickly, the benefits of owning less.

One of the earliest themes on this blog was what I called, “Benefits of Minimalism.” Every time I noticed a positive way my life was improving because of minimalism; I wrote it down. I eventually ended with over 20 practical, life-giving benefits.

Things like: more money, more energy, more focus, more time, better example for my kids, more opportunity for contentment and gratitude.

The more we notice how minimalism improves our life in practical ways, the easier it is to sustain the lifestyle going forward.

3. I tried to introduce minimalism to others.

Not only was I immediately drawn to the idea of owning less, I loved it as soon as I got started.

As a result, I was quick to tell my friends about minimalism. Every time I mentioned it, I would explain how freeing and wonderful it was. Many would respond, “You’re right. That sounds great. I definitely own too much stuff too.”

And with every conversation, my resolve to continue grew.

4. I chose to counter consumerism in my life.

Owning less is great, wanting less is even better.

It is one thing to declutter your home, it is something entirely different to not fill it back up again with stuff. A bit like changing your eating habits after the diet ends.

It takes more effort and focus to overcome consumerism, especially in our world today, but it’s possible. And I’m glad I worked to do that.

5. I read a lot.

The first book I ever picked up in my pursuit of minimalism was Clear Your Clutter with Feng Shui by Karen Kingston.

The book sparked new thoughts I hadn’t considered before about clutter and how I looked at my home. Reading helped rewire my brain to see the world differently.

I continued to read about the topic of minimalism and simplicity: books, articles, and blog posts. Whenever I read, I learned something new about myself and/or physical possessions.

The rewiring that took place laid a foundation for minimalism to become second nature to me.

6.  I have a supportive spouse.

Kim and I disagree on how minimalist we should be. But we are both on the same page about the benefits of owning less. And I never overlook how helpful that is in my own personal pursuit.

I know plenty of people who are pursuing minimalism without a supportive spouse and many have been able to remain aligned with that pursuit individually, so it’s entirely possible.

But without a doubt, my wife’s support has made it easier for me.

7. I value the invisible.

Because faith has always been important to me and an important element of my worldview, I see value in pursuing the invisible over the visible.

“What is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal,” is how the old proverb goes.

Because of that worldview, I could see the trade that minimalism offered: trading the seen for the unseen. And the more I pursued that exchange, the more I experienced it in my own life.

Without question, my understanding that there is more to this world than the physical things I see around me has kept me passionate about minimalism all these years.

8. I have kids.

Having children in the home doesn’t make minimalism easier, but it does make it more important.

Our kids are watching us as parents. They notice how we spend our time, our money, and our energy. If our focus is spent on accumulating more physical possessions than we need, they will learn to live life in the exact same way.

I have tried to live a minimalist life, not to the detriment of my kids, but for their advantage.

Knowing that their little eyes are watching has kept me extra-focused on intentionally living with less.

9. I became more generous.

I have learned that generosity is both the product of minimalism and the very lifeblood of it.

When I started owning less, I found that my excess could be a blessing to others. The very items collecting dust on my shelves could be used by someone in my community. That realization encouraged me to declutter even more.

Additionally, as we began buying less, we found more opportunity to give and help solve problems in the world that we were passionate about solving.

Minimalism didn’t mean we hoarded extra money and time all for ourselves. Just the opposite, it allowed us to give more and more.

And the joy that comes from giving compelled us to continue embracing that opportunity.

10. I pursued character to impress.

Some people like to say, “I don’t try to impress anybody.” And I understand the sentiment behind the idea.

However, the truth is we are all going to leave an impression on others. Whether we want to or not, we are all going to be remembered in some way by the people closest to us.

When I shifted my focus away from buying stuff, I noticed an entire world of opportunity to impress people by my example and the life I live. Our character and passions are always going to leave a bigger impression on others than our things anyway.

Like the saying goes, “Nobody is going to stand up at your funeral and say she had a really nice couch and beautiful shoes. Don’t make life about stuff.”

Making a conscious effort to pursue character over possessions furthered my resolve for minimalism.

11. We did some traveling.

One of the first decisions we had to make after becoming minimalist was deciding what to do with a few extra dollars.

We had sold a few things. But more importantly, we had stopped buying stuff. So when the monthly credit card statement appeared, it was much lower than usual.

Kim and I sat down to decide what to do. We didn’t have any consumer debts to pay off, so our options were: 1) Save it; 2) New carpet; 3) A short trip to the beach with our kids.

We chose Option 3, and I’m so glad we did. From the very beginning, that decision provided a practical example of what opportunities could be available to us as we owned less.

Over the last 14 years, because of minimalism, we’ve been able to travel more as a family than if we continued to buy stuff we didn’t need. And the benefits of that are important.

12. I discovered the habits needed to maintain a minimalist home.

Owning less removes much of the clutter that zaps our time and energy maintaining a home.

But it doesn’t remove all cleaning that needs to happen. A lived-in home still gets used (obviously).

I noticed very early in my minimalist journey that clutter seems to attract clutter. When I left a kitchen counter cluttered, it just collected more and more. When we left the toys out overnight, more gathered the next day.

Maintaining even a minimalist home requires daily, weekly, and seasonal habits. Of course, minimalism makes those habits easier and less burdensome. But I still needed to take the time to learn them.

And I’m glad I did because there is nothing better than waking up every morning to a tidy home. Minimalism allows that.

13. I began experimenting with less.

The first “experiment” we ever tried in our home was going down to one television for the summer. We loved it and kept it!

Later, I’d experiment with the clothes in my closet by trying out Project 333 for three months. Again, loved it!

With almost every “experiment” I tried, I learned that I needed far less than I thought I needed.

Not every experiment with less became a lifestyle forever, but each time I learned something new about what was needed and what wasn’t.

14. I always knew minimalism was about something more than minimalism.

Becoming a minimalist has never been my greatest goal in life—nor will it be. There are greater pursuits in life than simply trying to own less stuff.

Minimalism, to me, has always been a means to an end.

I want my life to make the greatest difference for the greatest number of people. Owning less frees me to do that.

Seeing the bigger picture behind minimalism and the greater motivation for it keeps me focused on owning less.

And will continue to do so for years to come.

Here’s the Science: Helping Others Is the Key to Happiness

When is the last time someone helped you? Was it carrying the groceries into the house? Or taking time to brainstorm solutions to a tricky situation? How did you feel after they helped you?

Now think of the last time you helped someone. Did you hold the door for a stranger at the store? Did you do a family member’s chore for them? Did you volunteer at the middle school dance? How did you feel afterward?

Helping others is a benefit to us. In fact, according to studies, helping others makes us even happier than when others help us.

Carolyn Schwartz, a research professor at the University of Massachusetts Medical School, was looking for ways to support those with multiple sclerosis. She arranged monthly peer-support phone calls, and was surprised to find that those who offered support were helped even more than those who received the support.

“A newly emerging school of thought suggests that a simple, age-old principle may be part of both the prevention and the cure: Help others to help yourself.”

In your search for meaning in life, helping others may be overlooked. But “kind and helpful behavior causes us to feel that our lives are meaningful.” 

When we think of things that matter and ask ourselves What really matters to me? we often keep ourselves at the center—it’s even in the question above: me.

But according to studies (and experience), when we look beyond me and begin asking what really matters, we find that helping others really matters. What may start out as a selfish pursuit—helping others so that I can feel better—will end up a selfless benefit, for everyone.

We feel good because we have helped someone else feel good. And it’s inevitable that we’ll want to do it again.

This feedback loop has been found in studies of helpful people.

“Since depression, anxiety, and stress involve a high degree of focus on the self, focusing on the needs of others literally helps shift our thinking. ‘When you’re experiencing compassion, benevolence, and kindness, they push aside the negative emotions,’ says Stephen Post, a research professor of bioethics at Case Western Reserve University. ‘One of the best ways to overcome stress is to do something to help someone else.’ Even better, feeling good and doing good can combine to create a positive feedback loop, where doing good helps us to feel good and feeling good also makes us more likely to do good.”

Additionally, when we direct our resources of time and money toward others, we begin to discover pursuits more valuable than accumulating material possessions.

Removing the trappings of possessions seems like a detour in the pursuit of helping others, but it’s more like a mathematical equation: (My money or time) – (material possessions and a full calendar) = external and internal resources to help others.

In a very real way, since helping others leads to happiness (and theirs), then reducing possessions and distractions can offer more opportunity for happiness.

You can read more about why this works, but if you want to jump to the benefits, here are a few ideas to get you started helping others.

1. Start small.

Give your place in line to someone at the grocery store. Shovel your neighbor’s sidewalk, or place their Sunday paper on their front stoop on a rainy day. Jump up to open the door, let the dog out, carry a package, or take out the trash for someone. Practice helping others every day.

2. Then move to helping others in larger ways, once a week if you can.

Buy a coffee or a grocery store gift card for the man without a home that you see every time you go to the local shopping center. Send an email to your child’s school staff, thanking them and cheering them on in their service to the students. Offer rides to people who need to get to the doctor or the store. Stop by a neighbor’s house to check in and ask if there is anything you can help them with.

3. As these things become second nature, try helping others as a lifestyle.

Volunteer a couple times a year at the soup kitchen—ladling soup, cleaning bathrooms, or raking leaves. Ask your local synagogue or church if there are any building or personnel needs you can fulfill a few times a year. Reach out to a nearby school to see if you can tutor students or run a coat drive.

Start by asking the question: “Can I help in any way?” That’s all it takes.

That, and a willingness to hear the answer and give your help. And happiness will be right around the corner.

Six Practical Ways to Model Contentment For Your Kids Today

“How do I keep my kids from always wanting more stuff?”

I have been asked this question countless times. And understandably so. In fact, I often find myself asking the same question.

It’s a hard one to answer—mostly because the answer includes something we don’t always like to think about: our own actions.

But the simple truth is this: We can’t expect our kids to stop constantly wanting new things until we stop constantly wanting new things. If we’re always chasing the latest and greatest new thing, our kids are going to do the same.

When we model contentment for them, however, our kids will learn it from us.  

Our kids always take their cues from us. We hear it when they repeat a catch phrase or joke we use. Harder to see are the worries or desires kids acquire from their parents. We may not be able to see it, but our children pick up on our stress and our joy.

The same goes for contentment. Our kids can tell if we are content or not. They hear our complaints, they see our unnecessary upgrades, and they take note of our gratitude. When we start to be content with what we have, our kids will notice and begin to be content as well.

In teaching about financial literacy, Sam X Renick reminds us: “If you want your children to develop good spending and saving habits, they need to see you making smart spending and saving choices. In short, practice what you preach.”

There are studies behind this advice. Behavior formation through modeling is so strong that researchers have been writing about it for years, and there is even a theory based on the reality of imitating the behaviors of others.

Social learning theory states that we learn from the models of what others around us are doing. Learning takes place in a social context, and we make changes in our knowledge or behavior based on positive or negative experiences we witness in others’ behavior. 

So, if we want kids who are content, pursuing meaningful lives of purpose, we must begin by modeling contentment ourselves.

Equally, we shouldn’t be surprised that our kids want stuff they don’t need when our entire homes are filled with stuff that we don’t need—we’re modeling the behavior for them, and they are fast learners.

Simply put, it’s hard to convince our kids they have too many toys in their toy room when we can’t park in our own garage.

When it comes to our children, life lessons are always caught more than taught.

Here are six ways we can model contentment for our children:

1. We can be content with our mode of transportation.

Whether we bike, walk, drive, or take public transportation, we can be grateful for the ability to get from here to there. Our car may not be the latest and greatest; our walk to work may mean we need to build more time into our routine; or the bus might sometimes be late.

But think about the purpose of your transportation and be grateful that it gets you where you need to go. Voice those grateful thoughts instead of constantly commenting that you wish you had a different car.

2. We can be content with our food.

There are those who like variety in their meals, others who prefer the ease of repetition, and still others who have no choice.

Learn to be content with the food you have to nourish you each day.

What is the purpose of food? To sustain our bodies, to give us energy to tackle our purpose every day, and to share as a means of friendship or service. Whether dinner with a flair or leftovers again, be grateful for the food you have.

3. We can be content with our entertainment and toys.

Recreation is a good thing. We need time to play and relax, time to connect with others over sports or games or movies.

Think through your choices of entertainment. Can you be content with a hike through the woods or a picnic at a local park, instead of front row seats at the stadium?

There are times for extravagant trips and events, but if we’re always looking for the next big adventure, our children will learn that it’s more important to spend a lot of money rather than to spend time together. And be especially careful at displaying discontent when talking about someone else’s vacation…

4. We can be content with our exercise.

Another area where we can model contentment is in our opportunities to exercise our bodies.

Instead of adding one more machine to your home gym, lace up your running shoes and take your kid to the high school track for a few laps in the sun. Choose to park far away from the store so everyday errands become simple forms of extra movement for your body.

See limits on your resources as opportunities to get creative.

5. We can be content with our relationships.

Relationships are essential, and they take work.

Show your kids contentment by investing in the relationships you already have—even the tough ones.

Instead of going through relationships like some of us go through new sweaters, take time and energy for the relationships already in place. Voice your gratitude for those relationships so your kids can hear it.

6. We can be content with our possessions.

We can model contentment for our kids when we find contentment in our possessions, no matter how many or few we may have.

Next time you want to buy an unnecessary item, ask yourself: If my child asks “Why did you buy that?” what would I say to them?

In addition, model contentment with your possessions by practicing generosity. When your child sees you holding things lightly and giving freely to others, they learn that you are not defined by your possessions.

Ultimately, as parents we have to accept the fact that our children will make their own choices. Embracing a life of contentment with fewer possessions, however, models for them the important truth that we are not defined by our possessions, our vehicles, or our gym memberships.

Celebrate with your kids what you already have, and teach them through your actions the values of both gratitude and contentment.

This is how we keep our kids from constantly wanting more stuff.

Inspiring Simplicity. Weekend Reads.

Fill your life with stories to tell, not stuff to show.

The simplicity/minimalism movement is a beautiful community. And I enjoy any opportunity to promote writing that encourages people to live more by owning less.

I invite you to fix yourself a nice warm cup of coffee or tea. Find a quiet moment this weekend. And enjoy some encouraging words to inspire more simplicity in your life today.

Spring Decluttering is Better Than Spring Cleaning | Maria Shriver’s Sunday Paper by Joshua Becker. Decluttering the unneeded possessions from our home frees up space in our home (and garage). It frees up time because there is less to clean and manage. It frees up money in the long run. And it is a better way to live for the environment and sets a better example for our kids.

Why People Hated Shopping Carts When They First Came Out | CNN by Nathaniel Meyersohn. The fascinating history of shopping carts—designed to allow us to purchase more and more.

What to do Instead of Shopping – Minimalist Lifestyle Benefits | Hello Brownlow by Amanda. When we try to seek happiness through material things or through what appear to be really fun and exciting experiences, we often feel let down because happiness isn’t what we feel.

Minimalism with a Family | No Sidebar by Nikki Cox. We have reached peak toy season in our home. Both my son and daughter own their own toys, love their toys, and have zero desire to get rid of any toys.

41 Fun, Cheap and Free Things to Do in the Summer | Part-Time Money by Philip Taylor. Here are 41 fun, cheap, and free (minus the fuel costs) things you can do while it’s warm outside. There are plenty of ways to have fun without spending a lot.

Those Things by Which we Get Embarrassed | Joshua Becker on YouTube