Joshua Becker's Blog, page 26

The Legacy We Leave: Why Every Decision Matters

“When you love people and have the desire to make a profound, positive impact upon the world, then you will have accomplished the meaning to live.” —Sasha Azevedo

The decisions we make today will define the stories that get told about us in the future.

We are all writing a story with our lives. And it is going to be retold. This is inevitable.

We are going to talk about it. Our kids are going to talk about it. Our grandkids are going to talk about it. Our friends are going to share memories about it. And the lives we shape along the way are going to share pieces about it.

The life we live will be the story that gets told about us. It will be our legacy.

Ultimately, our legacy is going to be positive, negative, or a combination of both. But make no mistake, there are no neutral lives being lived.

People will talk about the positive impact we left or people will talk about the lasting harm we inflicted. People will talk about our presence or they will talk about our absence. They will talk about what we gave to the world… or they will talk about what we took from it.

But the story of our life is going to be told. So let’s make it a story that inspires and motivates others wherever it is shared.

But how?

Here are eight helpful ideas to move us in the right direction:

1. Look to other stories.

Who are the people you speak the most fondly of in your life?

No doubt, there are people who have left a positive imprint on your life and talking about them brings joy deep in your soul. Look to those people. Because their example can help shape yours.

What decisions did they make that shaped their story? What were the values and principles that made them who they were? And what were their underlying reasons for choosing them?

2. Focus on long-term impact. 

It is easy to become so enamored with the here and now that we forget to consider the long-term impact of our decisions.

But the pursuit of pleasure or fleeting wins in the short-term can sometimes hold disastrous outcomes for the long-term. We would be wise to consider both. Always.

3. Notice the distractions that keep us from meaning.

Our world is full of distractions—both new and timeless—that have the potential to keep us from our most meaningful pursuits.

Possessions are not immoral, but the constant pursuit and accumulation of them can become a distraction from a life well lived. The same can be said of money, praise, leisure, comfort, and luxury… just to name a few.

If we want to leave a positive legacy for others to build upon, noticing the specific distractions that consistently trip us up is an important step.

4. Just do the next right thing.

Whether it be a small decision we make in the moment or a larger goal we’re working towards, taking the time to consider our options and make intentional choices that align with our values and priorities can have a profound impact on our well-being and sense of purpose.

Ultimately, the very next decision is the only decision we can make right now. But every decision we make builds upon the last. So let’s work hard to choose correctly in every present moment.

5. Invest our limited resources wisely.

Every hour of every day, we invest our lives somewhere. We make decisions about where to put our money, our time, our energy, and our focus.

So let’s invest into a story worth telling. We accomplish this by valuing relationships, service, and good-will to others. These investments will always shape the arc of our story towards a positive end. And will result in a better story than chasing money, power, or fame.

6. Get some help.

It is nearly impossible to live life effectively on our own.

There is nothing wrong or weak about asking for help. In fact, whenever we find ourselves struggling in any area of life (marriage, parenting, finances, lack of direction, destructive habits), there are people in this world who can help (or who can direct us towards help). Find them.

Our problems and struggles are not unique—but help doesn’t often arrive until we are ready to look for it.

7. Become an active listener.

Cherish the input of people who care about you. If there is someone in your life warning you about the choices you are making, listen to them. Take their words to heart. They may be wrong. They may be right. But you’ll never know for sure if you ignore their voice.

Make humble and active listening a priority.

8. Change with one small step. 

Until life is taken from us, change is possible. And it always starts with just one decision to head in a new direction.

If you need to reshape the story of your life, make at least one small change today.

Remember, your first step in the right direction does not have to be a big one. But when a change needs to be made, a step needs to be taken.

The stories of our lives are going to be told. This is inevitable.

Let’s work hard to leave the legacy we want told about us.

100 Simple Ways to Immediately Improve Your Life

Not every positive change in our lives needs to be a large one.

Sometimes drastic changes are helpful—quitting smoking, becoming minimalist, changing careers.

But sometimes, just a simple change has the power to improve our lives and send us down a new path.

Small changes require less planning—and can often be implemented right away.

With that in mind, I sat down and wrote out a list:

100 Simple Ways to Immediately Improve Your Life

1. Wake up 15 minutes earlier.

2. Drink more water.

3. Take a 10 minute walk each day to clear your head.

4. Take some deep breaths.

5. Listen to uplifting music.

6. Read 1 chapter in a book.

7. Make a 3-item to-do list every morning.

8. Write down 3 things you are thankful for.

9. Turn off the television earlier in the day.

10. Meditate.

11. Turn off social media for an extended period of time.

12. Go to bed earlier.

13. Stretch in the morning.

14. Spend time in conversation with a loved one.

15. Text an old friend just to say hello.

16. Build in breaks during your day using the Pomodoro Technique.

17. Keep a 3-sentence journal.

18. Find time for solitude.

19. Eat more vegetables.

20. Cancel one unnecessary commitment.

21. Give more compliments.

22. Practice good posture.

23. Spend some time volunteering.

24. Declutter one space.

25. Floss.

26. Make your bed.

27. Recall a memory with a loved one who has passed.

28. Choose a healthy snack.

29. Watch a TED Talk.

30. Smile at yourself in the mirror.

31. Smile in public.

32. Say “It’s going to be a great day!”

33. Take a shower.

34. Do something kind for someone else.

35. Listen to a podcast.

36. Spend time with your pet.

37. Take a power nap.

38. Do some push-ups and sit-ups.

39. Write down a positive affirmation.

40. Listen to nature.

41. Clean off your work desk.

42. Turn off your phone notifications.

43. Delete a distracting app.

44. Send a hand-written thank you note.

45. Take a different route home.

46. Take one photo every day.

47. Practice a hobby.

48. Eat protein for breakfast.

49. Create a vision board.

50. Find a new recipe with some of your favorite ingredients.

51. Donate to a charity you believe in.

52. Hug your spouse a little longer.

53. Say “I love you” a bit more often.

54. Drink a cup of tea.

55. Sit with both feet on the floor.

56. Stand in the Superman pose.

57. Speak your opinion.

58. Watch the sunset.

59. Spend time with plants.

60. Turn off negative news.

61. Laugh.

62. Call your mom or dad.

63. Make a list of your strengths.

64. Give thanks before your meals.

65. Spend time with people who inspire you.

66. Write a letter to yourself.

67. Do a Sudoku puzzle.

68. Say “nice job” to someone at work.

69. Take a break from sugar.

70. Find a new positive personality to follow online.

71. Wave at your neighbors.

72. Clean your kitchen.

73. Create a morning routine.

74. Play a game of Chess.

75. Post a positive message on social media.

76. Unsubscribe from an email list.

77. Teach your kids an age-appropriate chore.

78. Leave a positive online review for your favorite restaurant.

79. Reminisce with a family member.

80. Sing along to the radio.

81. Give yourself an extra 10 minutes to drive to your next destination.

82. Text encouragement to your child or a young relative.

83. Visualize yourself at your favorite vacation spot.

84. Do a word game or puzzle.

85. Get 8 hours of sleep.

86. Turn off your phone an hour before going to bed.

87. Leave work at work.

88. Give yourself an evening off from emails.

89. Gaze at the moon and stars.

90. Turn on music while cleaning up after dinner.

91. Discuss the best part of your day at dinner.

92. Dance like no one’s watching when no one’s watching.

93. Moisturize.

94. Research updates on your favorite band/artist.

95. Check tomorrow’s schedule before going to bed.

96. Pray.

97. Use sunblock.

98. Do one load of laundry.

99. Predetermine your outfit for the day.

100. Wear comfortable shoes.

7 Minimalist Mistakes You’re (Probably) Making

Note: This is a guest post from Sophie Clarke of Intentional View.

I’ve grown to embrace failure on my journey towards minimalism. It gives me valuable clues as to where I still have work to do, helps me course-correct when I start wandering in the wrong direction, and constantly realigns me with my personal values.

However, there are definitely a few pearls of wisdom that would have made my budding minimalist journey a whole lot easier. So I want to take this opportunity to celebrate my mistakes with you and what they’ve taught me—as silly, frustrating, and blindingly obvious as they may be. 

Minimalist Mistake #1: You’re stuck in a neverending cycle of decluttering

Five bags of clothes are prepped for the charity shop and two are already on Facebook Marketplace. Everything left is ordered, tidy, in its right place. You breathe a contented sigh of relief. This is your minimalist life now.

Or so you like to think. Because bits and bobs start creeping back in again after a week or two. And before you know it, six months have passed and you’re staring in mild disbelief at the exact same overflowing wardrobe.

Sound familiar?

I’ve certainly found myself in the decluttering rut more times than I’d care to admit. What I’ve learnt is that it’s easy to focus all of your attention on treating the symptoms rather than diagnosing the root cause. This means that you’re constantly firefighting.

I was wildly optimistic that I could maintain a minimalist lifestyle without critically examining my buying habits, or in effect, what I was actually bringing into my home. But to make lasting changes, you’ve got to address your addictive compulsion towards owning more stuff. This is the real work.

Minimalist Mistake #2: You don’t fully understand your ‘why’

The benefits of minimalism are lucrative: the promise of a simpler life, a tonic to the destructive effects of modern-day consumerism, and reclaiming your most precious resource… Time. 

That said, I speak from experience when I say that sticking with minimalism for the long haul can feel hard. And this is why I’m a big believer in taking the time to really boil down your ‘why.’

Remember that as much as you want to embrace change, your habitual thoughts and beliefs have been hardwired over time. This blueprint is established by your parents, well-meaning teachers, friends, and further cemented by society at large. 

Minimalism is counter-cultural. In a world where you’re routinely judged on your possessions—the make of your car, the size of your house, and whether or not you’ve upgraded to the latest iPhone—it’s a long road to stop seeking external validation and turn inwards for approval. 

So you need to be 100% sure of your own individual reasons for pursuing a minimalist way of life. You’ll likely be revisiting them often.

Minimalist Mistake #3: You think you have to go extreme

If you’re sleeping on a mattress on the floor because you sold all your bedroom furniture then… I sympathize.

Okay, so I’ve never actually gone this far! But if you disappear down enough YouTube rabbit holes of extreme minimalism, you’ll probably end up watching a guy explain how he sold everything in his house apart from a duvet and a frying pan.

Joking aside, I have every respect for people who choose to live in this way. What I would say, is that minimalism isn’t a competition as to who can own the least amount of stuff possible. 

Minimalism has a somewhat extreme reputation to the uninitiated. But you don’t have to live in an empty apartment, own a prescriptive number of items, or go off-grid and take a vow of silence for a year as a Tibetan monk.

I still own enough things that people may question my minimalist credentials. And it’s taken me a while to arrive at a place of acceptance with this. My version of minimalism will be different from yours, but that doesn’t make it any less valid.

Minimalist Mistake #4: You’re imposing harsh restrictions on yourself

Leading on from the last point, minimalism doesn’t need to feel like a punishment or a death sentence. I promise, it can actually be enjoyable!

Hands up if you’ve ever introduced a 3-month shopping ban and you simply can’t WAIT until it’s up? In your mind, you’re already planning what you’ll spend all that money you’ve saved on.

But… isn’t this missing the point? As Socrates so eloquently puts it:

“The secret of change is to focus all of your energy, not on fighting the old, but on building the new.”

Having a restrictive mindset will only cause energy blocks and make you pine for your old consumerist ways. So try to think instead about how you can focus all of your attention on the new. For example, you could look to:

Build a consistent morning routineDevelop a creativity habit, i.e. create more, consume lessLearn to prioritize experiences over thingsMinimalist Mistake #5: You assume that minimal equals simple

Steve Jobs couldn’t have said it better: “Simple can be harder than complex.”

If, like me, you naturally assumed that a minimalist way of life would equal instant simplicity and deep fulfillment, then be prepared for some harsh realities. While the benefits of minimalism are absolutely worth it, you’re going to have to put in some initial time and effort to build the systems that will improve your life.

For example, this might mean batch-cooking all of your weeknight meals so that you’re not so much of a slave to the kitchen. This requires more time upfront being organized with your grocery shop, doing your minimalist meal prep, and portioning out your dinners for the week. But your future self will definitely thank you for it.

In short, minimalism creates simplicity, but expect to do some hard graft in the short term to enjoy the fruits of your labour.

Minimalist Mistake #6: You’re entirely focused on the physical stuff you own

My minimalist journey began with Marie Kondo’s bestselling book The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up, and I’d recommend it as a good introduction to anyone interested in pursuing a life free from unnecessary clutter.

In it, we broach the psychology of stuff—how it weighs us down both physically and emotionally, the ways in which we cling to it, and how we can let it go to make space for the important things. A tidy house isn’t just a tidy house. It’s a mindset, an attitude, a way of being.

Things are a tangible place to start. But it took me a long time to realize that this was just the tip of the iceberg. Minimalism is more of an all-encompassing life philosophy.

It’s not just the things you own—it’s everything you choose to consume. The fast food you mindlessly shove in your mouth. The time spent scrolling through Instagram or binge-watching another trash TV series. It’s the steady stream of emails cluttering up your inbox. It’s even the people you choose to spend your time with. 

It’s so much more than simply stuff.

Minimalist Mistake #7: You treat it like a destination to be reached

Minimalism may be the promised land, but a word of caution: you’ll probably never reach it. Just as you learn one lesson, another appears right around the corner. I’ve realized that it’s best to be humble and accept that minimalism is a constant education.

The real wins are in the journey—they’re in the failures and the subsequent realizations. Gradual improvements, mini epiphanies that hit you quite out of the blue; these are the true benefits of a minimalist lifestyle.

So if progress ever feels painstakingly slow, or that you’re taking one step forward and two steps back, then take a deep breath. You’re exactly where you’re meant to be.

Embrace Failure On Your Minimalist Journey

I’ve made all of these minimalist mistakes in my pursuit of an intentional life (plus a whole lot more I’m sure!) so let this provide you with some much-needed reassurance and guidance on this sometimes maddening but entirely necessary path.

Your minimalist journey will always be your own. But, if you ever feel lost or stuck, I hope this gives you a well-trodden path in which to follow.

***

Sophie is the creator of Intentional View, a website that encourages others to start their own individual revolution. With weekly articles on mindfulness, productivity, minimalism and veganism, you can learn to take back control of your habitual thoughts, beliefs and actions.

Ten Ways Clutter Affects Our Health

Mindy, a mother of three, is an engaged and creative mom. On any given day, there might be paintbrushes soaking in the family’s kitchen sink, social media-inspired sculptures on the counter, board games strewn about on the dining room table, or a child’s artwork fighting for space on the door of the refrigerator. Backpacks, sports jerseys, books, and toys would often be strewn across the floor.

When Mindy visited friends’ homes—with clear countertops, organized desks, and coffee tables with room to rest a cup of coffee—she saw a different way of living, one that appeared freeing to her. But, dismissing these tidy homemakers as being of a different personality, Mindy made very few changes at home. 

Mindy admitted that when she was forced to straighten her home—scrambling to clean up before company and begging her kids to do the same—she felt better about the space and the way it made them feel. But when the clutter began to creep into their home again, as eventually it always did, Mindy lacked the confidence to believe that regular clutter-free living was possible for her and for her family.

So they continued to limp along, kicking loose soccer balls, stumbling over cleats, and endlessly moving around piles of junk mail.

What’s the problem with a little mess here and there? she routinely said to herself. Other than a minor pain after stepping on a plastic game piece hidden in the carpet, Mindy’s family had deftly avoided major injuries. So, what was the harm with a little clutter?

If your home is like Mindy’s—cluttered most of the time—you might ask yourself the same question. What’s the harm?

Maybe more than you realize.

What Our Clutter Is Doing to Us

When we look into the research and studies that have been conducted in this area, we notice a troubling trend: the clutter in our home may be having more of a negative impact on our family’s health and well-being than we realize.

Consider these examples:

Ten Ways Clutter Affects Our Health1. Increased Stress

Researchers at UCLA have discovered a link between high levels of stress hormones and a high density of household objects. In other words, clutter increases stress levels—almost undoubtedly.

Psychology Today reinforced their study, citing eight specific reasons why messy rooms contribute to higher levels of stress in our bodies.

Among their reasons: clutter bombards our minds with excessive stimuli; clutter signals to our brain that our work is not done; clutter creates feelings of guilt; clutter produces feelings of anxiety; and clutter frustrates us by preventing us from locating what we need quickly.

2. Stress-Induced Physical Symptoms

Clutter is a contributing factor to the level of stress in our lives. And given the fact that the average American home now contains 300,000 items, there is no wonder why the New York Times recently referred to the modern American generation as the most stressed of all time.

All of this stress begins to take its toll, affecting almost every system in our bodies. Stress cues the body to breathe faster, which can aggravate conditions such as asthma and emphysema. It increases blood pressure by causing blood vessels to constrict. Stress increases the likelihood of heartburn and acid reflux. And it can overtax our muscles, causing headaches and body aches.

3. Decreased Ability to Focus

Closely related to the stress mentioned above, Princeton scientists discovered that a cluttered environment limits our ability to focus. Their study reports that a visually disorganized environment has neurological effects similar to what we experience when barraged and overwhelmed by lots of different noises at once.

4. Overeating

Did you know that a cluttered kitchen can be a cause of overeating? Brian Wansink of Cornell University and his colleagues conducted a study back in 2016 to better understand how cluttered, chaotic environments—such as messy kitchens—influence snacking behavior. Among their findings, women in a messy kitchen tended to consume twice as many calories from cookies as women in a tidy kitchen.

Brian summarized their findings this way: “The notion that places—such as cluttered offices or disorganized homes—can be modified to help us control our food intake is becoming an important solution.”

5. Unhealthy Habits and Choices

In a similar study published in Psychological Science, researchers at the University of Minnesota confirmed the prediction that an orderly environment leads to more desirable, normatively good behaviors, such as being generous to the needy.

We think we’re not being affected by the physical environment around us. But in reality, a cluttered environment negatively influences our habits and behavior more than we realize (or care to admit).

6. Diminished Air Quality and Environment

According to WebMD, clutter increases the risk of asthma and allergies. According to the medically reviewed article, “You may think your house is messy but not dirty. But it’s hard to clean around piles of belongings. Decluttering can prevent pests and reduce dust, mold, and mildew, which may trigger asthma and allergies.” 

7. Impaired Learning

According to a study conducted by Carnegie Mellon University, children in decluttered classrooms perform 13 percent better on tests than children in disorganized classrooms. And what’s true for the classroom is true for the home—for both the adults and the kids.

8. Less Restful Sleep

A cluttered environment can lead to difficulty falling and staying asleep, resulting in a reduced quality of sleep. When our bedrooms are cluttered, according to a study funded by The National Institute of Mental Health and others, we have a harder time falling asleep and experience more sleep disturbances through the night.

9. Lower self-esteem

Clutter often brings negative self-talk and feelings of self-criticism.

According to research conducted by the University of New Mexico, this results in a negative impact on our psychological and subjective well-being.

10. Negatively impacts wellness in all aspects

In this post, How Minimalism Can Help You Find Wellness, I lay out all seven dimensions of human wellness and how clutter (or its opposite) affects each of them. If you’d like to continue this conversation and take an even deeper dive into minimalism and wellness, you can find it there.

Beginning to Live Well

Clutter is so much more than a nuisance. It impacts the health and well-being of our families in a ways we might not even notice.

A decluttered home isn’t just about impressing the neighbors when they come over; it’s about preparing an environment where everyone in our family has the best chance to succeed.

And that positive change is always possible.

If you are ready to take the steps needed in your home to live with less clutter, you can find helpful thoughts in this article: The Simple Guide to a Clutter-Free Home.

Living well is possible for your family. When you start, you begin to enjoy the physical, emotional, and psychological benefits of living with less clutter.

You can do this! We’re all cheering for you. You have so much to gain.

Inspiring Simplicity. Weekend Reads.

Fill your life with stories to tell, not stuff to show.

The simplicity/minimalism movement is a beautiful community. And I enjoy any opportunity to promote writing that encourages people to live more by owning less.

I invite you to fix yourself a nice cup of coffee, cocoa, or tea. Find a quiet moment this weekend. And enjoy some encouraging words to inspire more simplicity in your life today.

The Life-Changing Joy of Tidying My Prison Cell | Prison Journalism Project by Leo Cardez. It’s not the KonMari Method. But the Convict Method shares a similar result.

Why Good Enough is Better than the Best | The Tiny House of Happiness by Daniel Torrance. For many of us, the temptation is to think that changing our external circumstances, whether that means buying a bigger house, getting a promotion at work, owning nicer clothes, or upgrading our smart phone, will make us happier.

Common Problems in Life That Minimalism Can Solve | No Sidebar by Mollie Donghia. I’ll share six common problems that many of us face and how practicing minimalism can be the key towards moving forward.

Most Phone Use is a Tragic Loss of Life | Raptitude by David Cain. Given the way that you use your phone, what really is being gained, what really is being lost, and will you be happy having made the exchange?

1440. If you are looking for unbiased, summarized news headlines, 1440 is a free daily newsletter that both Kim and I have been enjoying. They do a great job of curating important and interesting news headlines—presented without any political bias. It’s like a breath of fresh air! And I thought you might like it too.

Flying with Just a Carry-on Can Save You Money and Stress. Here’s How to Do it with Ease. | Arizona Republic by Michael Salerno. As the spring break travel season approaches, consider flying with just a carry-on bag this time. It may mean selecting your items judiciously and leaving a few things behind, but you’ll save money on fees as well as time because you won’t have to stand in line to check your bag or crowd around the luggage carousel to retrieve it.

Recently Released Inspiring Videos

10 Steps to Stop Living Paycheck to Paycheck | YouTube by Joshua Becker. 7 in 10 Americans live paycheck to paycheck. But you don’t need to be one of them.

The One Sentence You Need Each Day to Set Your Intention | YouTube by Joshua Becker. To choose a life that is not wasted, but to center our energies on pursuits of lasting value is one of the best decisions we can make.

21 Things To Do In the Morning Before Checking Your Phone

According to statistics, 71% of people check their phone within 10 minutes of waking up.

This is problematic for a number of reasons:

More Stress: Checking your phone releases adrenaline, which increases heart rate, pulse, and muscle tension. Rather than a relaxing way to start your day, checking your phone increases stress.

Less Intentionality: Checking your phone is the equivalent to giving someone (or something) control over your mind. Whether reading email, scrolling social media, or playing a game, turning on the phone is equivalent to giving permission to someone or something to control your attention.

Less Productivity: It is true that our phones and technology, when used correctly, can make us productive, efficient, and impactful. This blog is a testament to the fact. But it is also true, when used incorrectly, our phones can also become a distraction from our most productive selves. And that sets a dangerous precedent for our day.

Less Fulfilling Relationships: Not everyone sleeps next to another human being (and only a percentage of those who do wake up at the same time as their partner). But if you do, turning your attention away from your partner and toward a digital device, can get in the way of your most important relationship.

So…

If you want to break the habit of checking your phone first thing in the morning, here’s a list of 21 things you could do instead:

1. Use the restroom.

2. Talk to your spouse or partner.

3. Take a shower.

4. Look out the window.

5. Drink a glass of water.

6. Brush your teeth.

7. Stretch your body to improve circulation.

8. Write out a to-do list for the day.

9. Make breakfast.

10. Meditate or pray.

11. Write in a journal.

12. Read a religious or inspirational book.

13. Get dressed.

14. Make your bed.

15. Smile to yourself in the mirror.

16. Set your intention for the day.

17. Prepare your lunch (or kid’s or partner’s).

18. Take your dog for a walk.

19. Say out loud, “It’s going to be a great day!“

20. Do a quick tidy-up of your living space.

21. Enjoy a quiet cup of coffee or tea.

There’s no need to do all 21 of course.

But if you find a morning routine that includes just five or six of the items on this list, you’ll start your day in a brand new way.

Want Less Stress? Limit Your Child’s Screen Time

According to important new research, when kids watch lots of television, parents’ stress levels increase.

The research is helpful because it seems counterintuitive.

In fact, many parents turn on the television specifically when they are stressed—just hoping for a little downtime or an opportunity to catch up on work or household chores. And there is no doubt that a child preoccupied with a screen in front of them brings short-term relief. I’ve been there.

But in the long-run, this decision may be adding to our stress levels more than we realize.

The research, conducted in 2020 at the University of Arizona, specifically explored the effects of children’s television watching habits on their parents’ stress levels.

And they discovered: “The more advertising children see, the more they ask for things and the more conflict is generated.” The effects of this conflict continue long after the shopping trip.

Additionally, the researchers are quick to point out that streaming services have not changed the equation.

“Commercial content is there for a reason: to elicit purchasing behavior… In general, more television exposure means more exposure to commercialized content. Even if I’m streaming, if I I’m watching more of it, I’m likely seeing more integrated branding,” Matthew Lapierre, one of the researchers argues.

Given the rise in the amount of time children are watching screens, this research is important for parents to consider. Some studies indicate young children spend twice as much time in front of screens as they did twenty years ago!

The research in this study draws a direct line between television and consumeristic desires—which is absolutely true.

But I’d argue that increased television watching among kids (and adults) results in increased stress levels in more ways than one. Here’s a short list of some of the negative effects of television and screen time (beyond increased consumerism):

* Physical Health: Too much screen time results in a range of negative physical health outcomes: obesity, poor sleep, and vision problems (just to name a few).

* Mental Health: Screen time is associated with a range of negative mental health effects, including depression, anxiety, and decreased social skills.

* Academics: Children who spend too much time on screens are more likely to struggle academically.

* Family Bonding: When children spend too much time on screens, they miss out on important, life-giving family time and relationships.

* Social Connections: Screen time has also been proven to interfere with a child’s ability to develop social skills and form meaningful relationships with others. 

With all the data and what we know to be true (both by study and by personal observation), are there steps we can take to limit our child’s time in front of the television or screen? Absolutely.

7 Ideas to Limit Your Child’s Screen Time:

1. Set the Example. 

Sorry to start with the toughest one, but there is nowhere else to start.

Children will always gravitate toward the modeled behaviors of their parents. If they see you reading a book, they are more likely to read. And if they see you watching television, so will they.

2. Believe it is Possible.

It is possible to raise children—even today—without reliance upon a screen. Parents accomplished it in the past and they are accomplishing it today.

No doubt, screens are far more prevalent today than twenty years ago. Nobody was carrying them in their pocket back then. But just because they are more ubiquitous today doesn’t mean we have to rely on them.

It might be more difficult today, but it is not impossible.

3. Be the Parent. 

It is your job to encourage healthy behaviors and limit unhealthy ones—sometimes this means making unpopular decisions like limiting your children’s screen time.

Make these tough decisions for your children. And when possible, go the next step of explaining why you have made the decision—this will help them follow through and someday choose it for themselves.

4. Set Limited Viewing Times. 

Allowing no screen time at all is probably not reasonable. (Although, depending on the age, I still think it is possible.)

Instead, choose the appropriate television viewing levels for your kids and communicate them clearly.

It is much easier to limit their viewing habit if they understand that they can only watch one show in the morning and one show after school (as just an example). Or “one hour on weekdays and two hours on the weekend,” etc.

5. Establish “No TV” periods.

Over two-thirds (70%) of young people report watching TV during meals. That’s too bad. Some of the family’s richest conversations happen during meals—or in the car.

Value those times with your kids. Don’t let the TV steal them from you.

Set a culture in your home that screens are not present during dinner… or in the car… or on “Friday Family Game Night” or whatever period you choose for your family.

6. Find a mantra. 

A mantra is a sound, word, or group of words that are considered capable of creating transformation. While the words may not be magic in themselves, the consistent use of them can be.

Every parent should have them and use them effectively. My “too-much television” mantra goes like this, “There’s been too much screen time in this family.”

And every time my kids hear me say it, they know what it means… they know the TV is getting turned off and we are about to spend some quality time together doing something else.

7.  Get Creative.

Find new and exciting ways to keep your child entertained that doesn’t involve screens. This might include playing board games, doing arts and crafts, heading out to a local park, or simply going on a family walk around the neighborhood.

It’s tempting to rely on screen time as a way to keep your child entertained or remove a little bit of stress from your day, but apparently that decision is having the opposite effect.

And as a general rule, it’s never wise to trade short-term benefits for a heavier burden in the future.

Let’s Learn to Appreciate the Invisible Joys of Life

“It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.” —Antoine de Saint-Exupery

The most valuable things in life will never be seen with the naked eye: love, friendship, hope, integrity, trust, compassion, faith, empathy.

These pursuits may be invisible, but they bring real substance, fulfillment, meaning, and joy to our lives.

Too often, unfortunately, we spend our time and energy chasing things that are visible: beautiful homes, fast cars, larger paychecks, more fashionable clothing, or newer technology.

We dream of a future that includes those visible items. We plot and plan to acquire them. We go to great lengths to care for them when we attain them and become jealous when others have more of them.

All the while, those visible things have never fully satisfied our soul or brought us the fulfillment they promised.

Instead:

Their appeal dims.Their value decreases.Their appearance fades.And their satisfaction diminishes every day.

It is time to shift our focus. It is time to allow the invisible to triumph over the visible in our eyes, minds, and hearts.

But how do we do that? How do we learn to appreciate the invisible joys of life more?

Here are six ideas:

1. We make a decision to pursue the invisible.

Most changes in life are preceded by a simple decision. Decide today to assign more value to the invisible things of life.

This change in focus might happen by accident, but that’s rarely the case. Instead, we would all be wise to determine today in our hearts and say aloud, “I will make a conscious effort to value the invisible more than the visible.”

2. Offer room in our hearts and minds for the invisible.

Our actions are almost always determined by our heart’s desires and our mind’s thoughts. Make room in your heart for the invisible.

We can do this by slowing down and meditating (or praying) on these new desires: love, hope, compassion, and friendship. This practice is most helpful at the beginning of each day.

3. Bring the invisible into better focus.

Unfortunately, the old cliché is often true, “Out of sight, out of mind.”

Turn it around and use it to your advantage. What comes into your mind when you think about joy, hope, relationships, or significance? Post that photo or quote somewhere that you can see it each day and use it to remind you of its value. This will help keep the invisible visible in your mind.

4. Be wise to culture’s influence. 

Most of the Western world’s culture and economy is built on humanity’s desire to acquire more and more things—even working to encourage that from the moment we are born. Consumption makes economies grow, governments flourish, and brings appeasement to the masses. Therefore, it is encouraged at every turn.

Become wise to the influence being placed on us both intentionally and unintentionally. As we do, we get better at recognizing false promises.

5. Look for the invisible more intently when you can’t see it.

One of the reasons physical possessions assume such an elevated priority in our lives is because their existence is never in doubt. We can see them and hold them. Whenever we feel lonely, our phones or televisions are there to provide a distraction. Whenever we get stressed, the mall is just down the street.

But the greatest joys in life are sometimes more difficult to see. We begin to doubt that we are loved, that our friends are real, or that compassion and faith even exist. Those aren’t things we can simply pull out of our pockets or turn on with a remote control.

But even when we can’t feel love, it exists. Even when we don’t see a path to hope, it’s there. Sometimes, we just need to look harder for it.

6. Pursue the invisible at all costs. 

If the most valuable things in life are invisible, pursue them above everything else. Even if no one else is.

The best things in life are free… and often invisible. Let’s learn to appreciate them more and more.

To Become Better Adults, Look to the Lessons We Teach Our Kids

“Be who you needed when you were younger.” —Brad Montague

It’s easy to see the faults in others but difficult to see the places where we fall short in our own lives.

We are so sure that life would be better if “he didn’t act like that,” if “she didn’t say those things,” or if “only my boss would start being more ________.”

On a larger scale, we are quick to think society would be better if those people would be less selfish, less greedy, less argumentative, more thoughtful, or would just see things the way I see them.

Because it’s easy to see the faults in others but not ourselves, we are quick to point out the room for improvement in others, but slow to see the blindspots in our own lives.

The powerful old adage goes like this, “Be the change you want to see in the world.”

This quote is often read to inspire positive change, as in “Be the first to start doing the good you want others to do.” And that’s true.

But the other side of the coin is equally important, “If you want others to stop a negative, harmful behavior in their lives, begin by addressing it in your own life.”

These aren’t words we usually like to hear. But they are important. Positive change only happens when we become intentional in trying to address it.

Brad Montague is famous for once saying, “Be who you needed when you were younger.”

His statement of life mission is a powerful way to see the world that can change how we see ourselves.

And it can be helpful in discovering the blindspots in our lives.

We all want to model and pass on positive behaviors to our kids and others. 

To do that, it can be helpful to study the lessons we want to teach our kids, and use them as a mirror into ourselves.

Here are a few powerful examples:

We encourage our kids to share.

But how readily do we share our money and possessions with others?

We encourage our kids to not be envious of others.

But how often are we jealous of the neighbor or co-worker with the bigger home, larger paycheck, newer car, or more luxurious vacation?

We encourage our kids to not talk bad about others.

But how often do we speak ill of others behind their back? Or equally damaging, spread gossip?

We tell our kids to clean their room.

But how frequently do we leave our rooms in the house cluttered and disheveled?

We counsel our kids to not waste money and save for something special.

But are we setting a good example as parents living within our means and not wasting money?

We teach our kids to “talk to the new kid at school.”

But do we walk over and introduce ourselves to the neighbor?

We tell our kids to play fewer video games.

But how many evenings do we spend watching television or scrolling social media?

We tell our kids to read.

But rarely pick up a book ourselves.

We hope our kids will take responsibility for their actions.

But then blame circumstances for our decisions.

We encourage our kids to be honest.

But change the truth at work and home to fit our needs.

We teach our kids about the importance of forgiveness.

But how many years have we held a grudge against that one family member?

We encourage our kids to not complain and be happy for what they have.

All while wishing the circumstances of our lives were somehow different.

I write these words as guilty as any. There are no perfect humans.

But I believe every single one of us wants to live our best life. And every single one of us wants to live in a society that is benefiting all.

And maybe the best way to do that, is to start looking closer at the lessons we want to see in our kids.

Encouraging Simplicity. Weekend Reads.

Never underestimate the importance of removing stuff you don’t need.

Encouragement provides us with motivation to persevere. It invites us to dream dreams of significance for our lives. And it begs us to work diligently with optimism and promise.

Overcoming the pull of consumerism is a difficult challenge regardless of our stage in life. Simplicity requires encouragement. To that end, I hope you will find motivation in these articles below.

Each post was intentionally chosen to inspire simplicity in your life. For maximum effect, find a quiet moment this weekend and enjoy them with a fresh cup of coffee or tea.

Is America Suffering a ‘Social Recession’? | The Guardian by Anton Cebalo. Polling in America has demonstrated a marked decline in all spheres of social life, including close friendships, intimate relationships, trust, labor participation and community involvement.

Why Having A Minimalist Living Style May Be Good For Your Health | Glam by Amanda Vining. An excess of items in your environment can result in increased anxiety, frustration, and the hormone cortisol, which is produced in our bodies when we feel stressed. 

Can You Treat Yourself While Living Minimally? | The Simplicity Habit by Cora Gold. Being a minimalist doesn’t have to mean always going without. It just looks different.

Why Minimalism Might Make You Happy Even If You’re Skeptical | No Sidebar by Karen Trefzger. Minimalism is about removing the things you don’t need or want in order to make time and space for the things you value. If you care about restoring an old car or creating a setup for model trains, you can still do either of those things as a minimalist.

7 Secrets to Simple Living: The Ultimate Guide for 2023 | Heart’s Content Farmhouse by Katie Shaw. Stop chasing more… bigger… busier. When you embrace simple living, you can be content with what you have.

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