Joshua Becker's Blog, page 126

Inspiring Simplicity. Weekend Links.

The simplicity/minimalism niche is among the most friendly, encouraging, and helpful communities you will ever find. There is a genuine understanding that any promotion of simplicity is good for society—and there is little concern about who gets the credit for it.

It is a pleasure to be part of such a wonderful group of people. And I enjoy every opportunity to promote writing that encourages people to live more by owning less. So fix yourself a nice warm cup of coffee or tea. Find a quiet moment this weekend. And enjoy some encouraging words to inspire more simplicity in your life today.

Why I Wore The Same Outfit Every Day for a Year | Nadia Eghbal by Nadia Eghbal. A funny thing happens when you start getting rid of stuff.

How We Gain by Having Less | Tiny Buddha by Katy Cowen. Stuff doesn’t make us happy. We might get that initial glow of excitement when we purchase new things, but it doesn’t last.

The Habits Of Supremely Happy People | Huffington Post by Kate Bratskeir. The pursuit of pleasure, research determined, has hardly any contribution to a lasting fulfillment.

9 Things You Do Not Need to Be Happy | Marc and Angel Hack Life by Marc Chernoff. To be happy we need much less than we think we need.

Louis C.K. Hates Cell Phones | You Tube (4:51) on Conan. Among the most thoughtful and well-articulated arguments against the constant use of cell phones I’ve heard recently.

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On a personal note, I have some really exciting news to share with each of you on Tuesday morning, October 1st. I hope you’ll make a point to stop by early next week. It’s pretty big. 

9 Places Unhappy People Look for Happiness

“Happiness is not a state to arrive at, but a manner of traveling.” —Margaret Lee Runbeck

Happy people know that happiness is a choice. They know it is not a reaction to present circumstances. Instead, happiness is an available decision despite them. They have removed the thinking that waits for everything to be perfect before joy in life is experienced.

On the other hand, unhappy people are always searching for happiness. They believe happiness is reliant upon the acquisition of something new or something different. They are constantly chasing, but never attaining. Often times, they search for it in all the wrong places.

Consider this list of 9 Places Unhappy People Look for Happiness.

1. In their next purchase. For too many, it has been ingrained into their thinking the proper way to attain happiness is to find it in their next purchase. As a result, joy is sought in bigger houses, nicer cars, cooler technology, or more fashionable clothing. Most possessions never satisfy. In fact, the joy they bring is entirely fleeting. And those who search for happiness in them are left to chase the next purchase… and the next… and the next.

2. In their next paycheck. Perhaps, Zig Ziglar said it best, “Money won’t make you happy, but everybody wants to find out for themselves.” I know happy people who own less than me and I know unhappy people who own far more. Money is not the secret to happiness. It never has been and never will be. And the sooner we realize this truth, the sooner we can discover the freedom that accompanies no longer desiring riches.

3. In their next relationship. We were designed for relationship and there is great joy to be found in them. But relationship, by its very nature, requires humility and selflessness. And believing there is another person out there that can bring complete happiness into your life is to embark on a journey with no destination… and often with disastrous outcomes. Our relationships become far stronger and more fulfilling when we stop searching for someone to meet our needs and start using relationships to meet someone else’s needs instead.

4. In their next physical enhancement. Healthy bodies and healthy diets are important. I would never speak against their benefit. They allow us to maximize our days and effectiveness. But those who seek happiness in tighter butts, slimmer waists, and larger biceps are looking for fulfillment in physical bodies that were never designed to bring such outcomes. Happy people understand the importance of physical discipline. But they do not base their happiness on their physical appearance.

5. In their next competition. I have come to understand the mindset of competition in our world is based on a faulty premise. It assumes there is a finite sized pie—that one person’s success in life equals one less opportunity in mine. But this thinking is incorrect. The pie keeps growing. And those who seek happiness by ruthlessly beating out another compete only against themselves. In reality, the quickest way to find happiness in your life is to help someone else find it in theirs.

6. In their next job. It is important to pursue work you love in an occupation that contributes good to society and the world around you. This type of work brings fulfillment and promise to our lives. Unfortunately, I fear too many people nowadays are seeking the “perfect” job with high pay, few hours, and no stress. But the perfect job doesn’t exist. Work always requires blood, sweat, and tears—that is what makes it work. Again, those who are continually experiencing disdain in their present career because they think the next one will be perfect, are chasing happiness in the wrong places. While there may be a time for change in employment, there may also be a time for change in your approach to it.

7. In their next escape. Unhappy people seek escape. They believe distraction from their present circumstance is a shortcut to happiness. They often turn to television, addiction, or weekend getaways to numb the pain. But the entertainment always ends, the morning always comes, and the vacation always concludes. Meanwhile, the present circumstances have not changed—they have only been complicated. Happy people recognize their circumstances and do not require escape from them. Instead, they choose to practice peace inside them.

8. In the next person to solve their problems. Blame is a dangerous habit and a very real obstacle to happiness. Shifting the responsibility for shortcomings onto another person or external factor immediately eliminates any need or motivation to change. Instead, the victim remains trapped in a cell they built themselves—waiting for someone else to come solve their problems for them. But every time we blame someone else for our unhappiness, we lose. And in the long run, it keeps fulfillment and happiness just out of reach.

9. In accepting things just the way they are. Happiness can be discovered at any point in our lives regardless of our circumstances. But finding happiness in them does not mean we are complacent in the face of things that can be changed. It does not mean we stop striving or growing or maturing. We do not use happiness or contentment as an excuse for mediocrity. Instead, we walk forward in confidence and discipline to become the best possible versions of ourselves—not just for our own well-being, but for the well-being of others.

Your happiness is based solely on your decision to be happy—and this may be one of the most important life lessons any of us could ever learn.

10 Common Objections to Minimalism

Editor’s Note: The following is a guest post from Vincent Nguyen of Self Stairway.

In a society bent towards consumerism, minimalism is counter-cultural. It uproots assumptions and challenges behaviors we’ve learned from others. It can be scary and mysterious—most new things are.

My mother is the exact opposite of minimalist. She makes good money, but still finds herself in financial debt because of her spending habits. When visiting, I find it difficult to avoid jamming my toes or scraping the sides of my feet against some sort of box when I enter her house. It’s cluttered.

My personal journey into minimalism started with the realization that my mom wasn’t any happier every time she bought a new technological toy. Neither did she feel any better about a house filled with stuff. I began to notice that I got along just fine—even better perhaps—with fewer possessions. I began cutting down more and more. It became part of who I am.

Still, people don’t always understand why my room has only functional things inside, why I don’t have tons of clothes, and why my room is always so clean. I have found that people are drawn to the idea of tidiness, owning less, and finding contentment without buying, but they still hold objections and concerns about minimalism.

My hope is to address some of the most common objections I hear. Hopefully, you will find minimalism is much easier than you think. And perhaps the many benefits will persuade you to make the leap.

10 Common Objections to Minimalism

1. I don’t have the time to start. 

Surprisingly, it doesn’t take too long to start the process of cutting down the possessions that you own. In fact, there are tons of creative little tricks you can implement that can start the process, eventually having significant impact.

For example, every morning make it a goal to get rid of one small item you know you don’t need. Maybe every time you do the laundry, you can remove one article of clothing. Pick something out and toss it away as you go.

If you have a lot of clothes, the simple act of turning around all your hangers can get you started. When you wear an item, hang it back up with the hanger facing the opposite direction. After a few months, you’ll probably be surprised with how many clothes you never wear.

Know it’s a process. You don’t have to complete it all at once.

2. Buying things makes me happy. 

I’m sure you noticed that after buying something, you feel slightly happier for a short period of time. But soon, you begin gravitating back towards your previous levels of happiness.

There is actually a phrase for that cycle. It’s called “hedonic adaptation,” and explains why we are only temporarily happier after acquiring something new.

Shortly after their winnings, even the biggest lottery winners are often found to be just as content as they were before they hit it big. New purchases don’t have the same thrill anymore. We buy more and more, hoping to achieve happiness. But it’s more like running on a treadmill—never fully reaching our destination.

We know it’s true because we’ve all experienced it before. Keep that feeling in mind next time you start to think buying things makes you happy. It is very short-lived.

3. I’m too used to having ______.

Again, minimalism should be considered to be a process. It starts with only one step at a time. Make small changes. Adapt at your own pace so it’s digestible. Remove the picture in your mind of an overnight shift in lifestyle.

It is always a process and you can tweak what you’d like. There are no hard and fast rules, guidelines, or obligations. And you don’t have to get rid of something you genuinely hold important. Minimalism is about cutting the excess, not removing what you love or use.

4. I may get rid of something I need in the future.

Ah, yes. The “what if?” question. Know that you are not alone. In fact, this is one of the most common struggles we all share. It is interesting that we always try to predict the future, even though we are horrible at it.

Get rid of things that are easily replaced and you won’t have that discussion with yourself.

If you get rid of small things that are inexpensive (yet still manage to take up a lot of room), you can always replace them in the future. Most things can be replaced with minimal expense and minimal effort nowadays. But most likely, you’ll find yourself to be far more resourceful than you imagined. Take your time removing large, expensive items—that should make the process easier.

5. I would love to simplify but my ______ wouldn’t agree.

Sandy Kreps wrote an article on this website about the very topic of getting on the same page with your spouse. She recommends you find common ground, focus on the positives, seek input, start small, and start with yourself first.

Joshua Becker, the founder of Becoming Minimalist, is more committed to minimalism than his wife, but that doesn’t mean they don’t get along. They find the line that makes the other uncomfortable and make sure not to cross it. It works well when you work on figuring it out together… just like everything else in life.

6. I have too many commitments.

Harvard Business Review created an excellent article in early September about how people compete against one another over how “busy” they are. Many of us are caught up in believing we’re being productive or busy even though most of it is in our heads.

If you are feeling an overwhelming sense of busy, minimalism is actually a great opportunity to start practicing time management. Segment your time. Remove the unessential. Become more productive at the things that actually matter. That, in a sense, is minimalism.

To regain focus, I have found the Pomodoro Technique to be very powerful. The technique teaches you to work in bursts while allowing you the freedom to take breaks. The standard practice is 25 minutes of driven productivity followed by 5 minute breaks fostering both intentional productivity and intentional rest.

7. Minimalism is easy for you. It’s your personality to live with less. But that’s not me!

Though there may be some truth in that statement, it’s certainly not all personality. Minimalism is a conscious decision to pursue less. Many of us have made it and almost none of us had it completely easy.

I didn’t just wake up one morning and decide, “I’m going to be minimalist!” For me, it happened through a series of realizations and struggles. A lot of thinking and sacrifices took place.

I didn’t decide to love less because of my personality. I decided to live with less because I saw value in it. There may be some people out there who desire less since birth, but they are a small minority. The rest of us struggled through it. Eventually, we thanked ourselves for doing so.

8. The math doesn’t add up, how could someone be happier with less?

It sounds bizarre, but having less can make you a lot happier. When you have a lot of possessions, you have extra worry. You have more to clean. You have more to manage, more to organize, more to repair, and more to replace.

When you own less, you find more freedom, less stress, and less worry. And that doesn’t even begin to mention the financial benefits of owning less.

There are so many problems that can be solved by subtracting. It’s almost surprising more people haven’t discovered it.

9. I’m an overthinker and there’s nothing I can do about it!

Simplifying your thoughts isn’t easy, but it certainly isn’t impossible either. I used to be an over-thinker.

Every single social interaction would leave me anticipating what would be said, how I should respond, and of course what I did wrong once it’s over. This bled into every other aspect of my life where I tried to control all the variables.

Without a doubt, meditation has become a common solution for over-thinkers and is a valuable step towards minimalism.

10. I don’t want to be judged by others.

In a society where we are evaluated based on what we own, it can be scary to break free and purposely seek less. People still don’t always understand why I don’t want things.

I get asked a lot of questions about my choices. I may even be seen as an outsider for a while, but none of it matters. They ask. They move on. Typically, I don’t stay on their mind for long because they’re more concerned about what others think of them anyway.

I spoke with Joshua a few weeks ago. We drank coffee. We talked about life and we talked about minimalism. We discussed how others perceive minimalism. People eventually notice he purposefully owns less. And when they do, one of two things happen: 1) They forget about it and no longer make a big deal of it, or 2) they admire his simplicity. It’s usually that simple. It never occurs to most that they could find contentment with less.

So what’s holding you back from exploring what minimalism has to offer?

***

Vincent Nguyen is the author of Self Stairway and currently lives in Arizona. He writes on personal development and helps other people find the self-confidence in themselves to pursue a content life. Follow him on Twitter. 

Another Story of Enough: My Clothing Fast

Editor’s Note: The following is a guest post from David Singer of Six Simple Rules.

“I can change only myself, but sometimes that is enough.” —Ruth Humleker

Last year, I read The Story of Enough: Giving Up (new) Clothes for One Year, a Becoming Minimalist guest post by Sarah Peck of it starts with.

At the time, I had been a regular reader of the Becoming Minimalist blog for about 18 months. While I loved the writing style and the messages delivered in the posts, I hadn’t yet figured out how I was going to deploy minimalism in my life.

I have always taken pride in being a smart consumer. Though I have more than a minimal amount of “stuff,” I own very few things I don’t use, I make purchases when items are on sale, I use coupons, and I shop in off-price stores. When someone asks me what I want for a birthday gift, I ask for gift cards to Amazon so I can buy music or books.

But when I read Sarah’s post about her modest minimalist journey and her struggle with identifying how she would embrace minimalism, I knew I had found my way into making progress. Sarah bought no new clothes for a year. As she explained, “I spent 2011 conducting an experiment in which I decided to stop buying new clothes for the entire year.”

I decided, as well, to buy no clothes of any kind for a year, starting August 1, 2012. I thought of it as my clothing fast. I didn’t even make the underwear and shoes exception that Sarah made. I was confident I owned even enough of those and every other kind of clothing. It would be my minimalist experiment.

And I would soon be surprised by the importance of the lessons learned.

Relatively early in the experiment, I visited a dermatologist. While she told me I was doing well protecting my skin, she strongly urged me to buy a hat with a wider brim. I felt required, in that moment, to amend the terms of the challenge to not buy any clothes I didn’t need for a year. The key, of course, just like so many of our life choices was recognizing the difference between want and need.

To purchase the hat, I went to one of my favorite stores, an off-price retail chain. Surprisingly, I had an experience unlike any of my previous trips. I walked in, found the men’s hats department, tried on a few, and promptly walked out after paying $10. Never, at any time, did I wander the store looking for deals or sales.

Walking back to my car, I passed a factory outlet of some popular retailers. I felt a pull—a temptation to go in and look for deals. But I resisted. Standing in the parking lot, I had time to think. And then it hit me, “I was addicted to finding deals.” I began to recount all the times in my past when I hated to walk past any of my favorite stores without looking at the sales rack.

I discovered a variation of the scarcity mentality that Sarah talked about in her post. In my version, deals are scarce and bypassing one meant losing an opportunity that may never return.

This time though, I happily walked to my car, having resisted the pull of a possible sale. I immediately thought of something my wife had said to me long ago when I came home from a store with something I had bought on sale. I proudly boasted that “I had saved $20 by buying on sale.” To which she replied, “You didn’t save $20, you spent $30.”

I learned a valuable life lesson and discovered a by-product of my clothing fast. I recognized (and was beginning to break) my addiction to deals. Though it had been pointed out in the past, this time I finally saw it. I had found an important way to start saving more money.

Over the course of the year, I only bought a few items—items that I needed. I purchased a winter hat from a NYC street vendor for $5, a belt for $10 when I realized my every day belt had become unacceptable for work, and a three-pack of white V-neck tee shirts for $18 (Apparently, I didn’t have quite enough underwear for the year…I see why Sarah made the exemption.)

Another important lesson was learned when I went through my closet. I assumed after a year of not buying clothes, I would have worn all of mine. But I actually found quite a few items I hadn’t worn in years—for example, pants I was saving to wear “one day.” I decided it was time to do what we had always done with the clothes our kids grow out of—donate to those who need them more. And thus, the second surprise of my year emerged. Buying only clothing I needed actually helped me remove some of the clothing that I didn’t need. It helped me simplify my life and help others in the process.

Even better, a few months later, my kids did the same commenting how ridiculous it was they had so much clothing in their own closets. I was reminded again how my actions, my decisions, and my example influence the people closest to me.

Ultimately, the 12-month clothing fast experiment has turned into a permanent lifestyle change. One that recognizes and promotes better habits, better attitudes, and better behaviors. Pretty awesome. Maybe even awesome enough for you to try as well…

***

David Singer blogs at Six Simple Rules. He is the author of Six Simple Rules for a Better Life. You can also find him on Facebook. 

Image: Monica Arellano-Ongpin

Inspiring Simplicity. Weekend Links.

There are many wonderful people pursuing and promoting simplicity. Fortunately, some of them are gifted in communication and choose to encourage and inspire us with their words. I enjoy reading their perspective. I’m sure you will too.

So fix yourself a nice warm cup of coffee or tea. Find a quiet moment. And enjoy some encouraging words about finding more simplicity in your life today.

Please Stop Complaining About How Busy You Are | Harvard Business Review by Meredith Fineman. We continue to use long hours as a sort of macho badge of honor. We need to work smart, not (just) hard.

Reducing Decisions to Focus Better | Art of Non-Conformity by Chris Guillebeau. On the relationship between simplicity and focus.

The Abundance of Slowness | Medium by Matt Steel. Super-practical tips to find new slowness and simplicity at work.

The Benefit of Stopping to Smell the Roses | Goins Writer by Jeff Goins. First in a five-part Slow Down Challenge.

You Can’t Have It All, but You Can Have Cake | New York Times by Delia Ephron. “Having it all seems to breed wanting more.”

Image: StephenLukeEdD

8 Countercultural Decisions to Find Financial Freedom

“You all laugh at me because I’m different, I laugh at you because you’re all the same.” — John Davis

Financial advice abounds everywhere we look. It is not difficult to discover. And yet, the statistics paint an ugly picture that it may not be working so well. The average American family sill holds $6,700 in credit card debt and 76% live paycheck-to-paycheck (just to name a few).

Unfortunately, most people think more money is the answer. And while there may be some truth to this solution, most of us would readily admit that our most basic needs (food, shelter, and clothing) are financially covered. It appears then that most of our financial troubles are not based in need, but in cultural expectations—that because we live in a society based almost entirely on consumption and the promotion of it, we have too subtly bought into the lies and built our lives upon them far more than we realize.

Perhaps, then, the pathway to financial freedom requires a bolder, more counter-cultural approach. One that intentionally begins to question the messages we believe and looks elsewhere for answers. To that end, consider this list of 8 Bold, Countercultural Decisions to Find Financial Freedom.

Each of them questions culturally-accepted norms. Before you begin, know that we believe and practice each item on this list. We have found wonderful freedom in them. And whenever appropriate, I’ll share the story of how we arrived at each decision.

Eight Countercultural Decisions to Find Financial Freedom

1. Purchase based on necessity, not possibility. Especially in large purchases, consider necessity over possibility. When we bought our first home, we went to the local bank for pre-approval. They approved us for a loan up to $135,000. And… we immediately started looking at houses up to $135,000. We based our search entirely on possibility. There was no consideration given to our actual needs. When we found a new, higher-paying job, we were pre-approved for a $300,000 loan and… we immediately started looking for homes in that range. Our purchase became a heavy burden in payments, maintenance, and upkeep. During that season of life, we discovered minimalism. Our desire for physical possessions changed dramatically. As a result, when we moved into a new home two years ago, we determined our ideal house based on necessity, not opportunity. Our payments are smaller. Our upkeep is easier. Our lives are more freed to pursue other passions. We have never regretted the decision. And I actively encourage others at every opportunity to purchase based on need, not possibility.

2. Never carry a car payment. One financial decision that has had a profound impact on our financial well-being was our wise decision to always pay cash for our vehicles. Subsequently, we have never had a car payment—ever. I bought my first car from my parents with money I had earned working at a local carwash. And all future car purchases were based on the most reliable car (or mini-van) we could afford with cash already in the bank. We have never owned a brand-new car or one that turned heads in traffic, but we’ve also never felt stress or regret over a car purchase. And if you ask me, that’s a pretty fair trade.

3. In dual-income households, don’t spend the lesser income. One of the most valuable pieces of financial advice we ever received came early in our marriage when both my wife and I were working. My boss encouraged us to live entirely on my income and save every penny my wife earned. We did just that. Her earnings became our first down payment on a home. But more importantly, it prevented lifestyle creep from setting in. And when our first child was born, becoming a one-income family was an easy transition.

4. Avoid alcohol. Counter-cultural? For sure. Financially-beneficial? Absolutely. Even-possible? Definitely. I inherited the lifestyle from my grandparents. Both sets refused the consumption of alcohol for different reasons (some personal, some religious). But regardless of their reasoning, the pattern continued with my parents, myself, and my siblings. While financial concerns were never a chief motivator, the decision has resulted in significant, personal financial benefits for us. Americans spend $50 billion each year on alcohol—despite the fact that 34% of Americans don’t drink. This is a significant expense for many families. Removing it completely returns a significant amount of discretionary income. And adding other unhealthy behaviors to this decision results in even greater returns.

5. Never Retire. I learned it from my grandfather. He is 92 years old and still works full-time (40+ hours/week). I learned from him the value of work and the importance of seeing work as contribution. This view of work changes everything. Work is no longer something to avoid or retire out of as soon as possible. Instead, work becomes joy. Now, just to be clear, it is still wise to plan financially for the future and old age. The truth remains that our physical bodies break down and some types of work become difficult (or impossible in some cases) to continue. I would never argue against the importance of transition in life or saving for it. But getting set in a mindset that only looks forward to retirement without the possibility of embracing work during it is one that should be adjusted. And ought to impact our financial decisions today.

6. Pay with Cash. Every study reports the same finding: We spend more when we pay with plastic than when we pay with cash. And one of the most commonly offered pieces of advice for those trying to stick within a budget is to pay with cash rather than credit. Yet the strategy remains rarely used. While we have only used the strategy off and on over the years, we have found great personal benefit each time. Not only does it help us stay within a budget, but it also helps us keep a tighter record of where the money is going. And greater intentionality in tracking expenses is advantageous regardless of your income level.

7. Give Away (at least) 10%. There are numerous religious traditions that teach the importance of giving away 10% of income. Personally, it is a financial philosophy that we have put into practice during times of both little and plenty. Certainly, the gifts benefit the receiver. But more than that, the gifts benefit the giver. Generosity is an important step towards contentment. It brings the fulfillment and joy and meaning to life that is often sought in financial purchases and personal gain. It reminds us of how much we already have and how much we have to offer others. And while it seems entirely counter-intuitive, one of the most important steps we have taken to financial freedom is to embrace the practice of giving some away.

8. Put the Spender in Charge of Family Finances. While this may or may not suit your family’s unique dynamics, it has been entirely helpful for mine. I hold a college degree in Banking and Finance and Accounting was one of my favorite classes in high school (seriously, thanks Mr. Fink). I understand budgets, spreadsheets, assets, and liabilities. But my wife is a bigger spender than me. And one of the most helpful actions we took as a family was to put her in charge of the finances rather than me. Because our bank account levels were always small, she became far more careful with her purchases… and worked hard to keep me in line too.

Again, I don’t offer this list as an exact prescription for each reader. Each and every family situation is entirely unique. What has worked for us may not work for you. But if financial freedom has eluded you, earning more money may not be the answer. It may require a bolder, more counter-cultural decision instead.

Three Lies That Kept Me From Simplifying My Life

Editor’s note: This is a guest post from Allison Vesterfelt of AllisonVesterfelt.com. 

“You don’t realize how much stuff you have until you try to put it all in a box.” —Allison Vesterfelt

It all started when a friend asked me this question: “What would you do with your life if you didn’t have to worry about money?” My answer was: I would quit my job, move out of my apartment, sell all my things, visit all 50 States and write a book about it.

The only problem was, once I said the words out loud, I realized how much I really wanted to do it.

Was it possible? Could I simplify my possessions to only what would fit in my car, leave behind friends and family, change my buying habits, and quit many of the commitments that were cluttering up my life? Could I live out of a car for a year of my life? I wasn’t sure. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized there were three main lies keeping me from simplifying my life to follow my dreams.

The lies went like this.

This is not how you do it.

At the same time I was dreaming about going on a year-long road trip, I was also shopping for a house, and telling myself (secretly) that if I went on a crazy road trip, I would never get married or have a good life. After all, this was how you do “it.” This is how you grow up and become an adult. No potential friend or husband or boss would ever take me seriously if I quit my job and sold all of my stuff.

That was moving backwards. Wasn’t it?

But where did I get the idea that buying a house and working a job I didn’t enjoy was “how you do it.” What was “it” exactly? And who was “you?” It couldn’t be me. Because I was miserable.

Once I gave up the idea that I had to follow a certain prescribed set of actions in order to look like an adult, I was released to do what I really wanted to do and become who I really wanted to be. And guess what? If I would never have gone on the road trip, I would never have met my husband—who read my story and said to himself, “I have to meet that girl. That’s hot” (his words, not mine).

People will reject me if I don’t have nice stuff.

This is a lie I’ve had to root out over and over again in my journey. It always seems to grow back. But somehow I’ve gotten the impression that unless I have pretty clothes and a nice house with a hot tub and a boat I can use to take friends out on the weekend, people will reject me.

Think for a minute about the faulty logic in this reasoning.

When I take a minute to think about the people I like the most, and the qualities I appreciate about each of them—kind, hospitable, gracious, good listener, patient—I don’t think for a single minute about the stuff they have. And if people accept me because of the stuff I have and can share with them, they don’t really accept me at all.

Simplifying my life has given me an opportunity to grow up and grow out of my deep-rooted insecurity in this area.

The truth is, when I simplified my life, I actually gained more friends, not less. And my relationships became deeper and more meaningful. I was less stressed and more fun to be around and more secure with myself, so less likely to use others for what they could give me.

Simplicity and authenticity are attractive qualities.

I won’t be able to take care of myself.

I worried that if I simplified my life, I would have to sacrifice my independence and lean on others to support me. I was terrified I wouldn’t be able to pay my bills or provide the things I needed to live.

But, when I allowed myself to sit down and think about it, I realized I already depended on other people for all kinds of things, and that depending on others wasn’t a bad thing. Simplifying my life gave me the opportunity to lean in to this reality, and to grow in my ability to give gifts, and to receive them.

Also, living a simple life didn’t make it more difficult for me to pay my bills or provide the things I needed. It actually made it easier. The less stuff I had, the less debt I had, and the less stressed I felt over a job I hated — the more prepared I felt to take care of myself emotionally and practically, and the less I had to depend on others to hold together my fractured pieces.

Once I realized how these thoughts and ideas had been dictating my life for so long, and counteracted them with the truth, I was able to do what I wanted to do all along. I quit my job, moved out of my apartment, and spent a year driving across the country to accomplish my life-long dream of writing a book.

Now, I’m not just Packing Light for a long road trip, I’m living my life with way less baggage.

I’ve never regretted it for a minute.

***

Allison Vesterfelt blogs at AllisonVesterfelt.com where she inspires and encourages others to live with less. Her new book, Packing Light: Thoughts on Living Life with Less Baggage is helpful and compelling. I highly recommend it to you. She is also worth following on Twitter.

Image: JamesWatkins

12 Intentional Actions to Choose Happiness Today

“Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.” —Abraham Lincoln

Happy people realize happiness is a choice. They are not held hostage by their circumstances and they do not seek happiness in people or possessions. They understand that when we stop chasing the world’s definition of happiness, we begin to see the decision to experience happiness has been right in front of us all along. Research in the field of positive psychology continues to reinforce this understanding.

But simply knowing that happiness is a choice is not enough. Fully experiencing it still requires a conscience decision to do so each day. How then might each of us begin to experience this joy?

Consider this list of 12 Intentional Actions to Choose Happiness Today. Embrace one new action item… practice all of them… or simply use them as inspiration to discover your own.

1. Count your blessings. Happy people choose to focus on the positive aspects of life rather than the negative. They set their minds on specific reasons to be grateful. They express it when possible. And they quickly discover there is always, always, something to be grateful for.

2. Carry a smile. A smile is a wonderful beautifier. But more than that, studies indicate that making an emotion-filled face carries influence over the feelings processed by the brain. Our facial expression can influence our brain in just the same way our brains influence our face. In other words, you can actually program yourself to experience happiness by choosing to smile. Not to mention, all the pretty smiles you’ll receive in return for flashing yours is also guaranteed to increase your happiness level.

3. Speak daily affirmation into your life. Affirmations are positive thoughts accompanied with affirmative beliefs and personal statements of truth. They are recited in the first person, present tense (“I am…”). Affirmations used daily can release stress, build confidence, and improve outlook. For maximum effectiveness, affirmations should be chosen carefully, be based in truth, and address current needs. Here is a list of 100 daily affirmations to help you get started.

4.Wake up on your terms. Most of us have alarm clocks programmed because of the expectations of others: a workplace, a school, or a waking child. That’s probably not going to change. But that doesn’t mean we have to lose control over our mornings in the process. Wake up just a little bit early and establish an empowering, meaningful, morning routine. Start each day on your terms. The next 23 hours will thank you for it.

5. Hold back a complaint. The next time you want to lash out in verbal complaint towards a person, a situation, or yourself, don’t. Instead, humbly keep it to yourself. You’ll likely diffuse an unhealthy, unhappy environment. But more than that, you’ll experience joy by choosing peace in a difficult situation.

6. Practice one life-improving discipline. There is happiness and fulfillment to be found in personal growth. To know that you have intentionally devoted time and energy to personal improvement is one of the most satisfying feelings you’ll ever experience. Embrace and practice at least act of self-discipline each day. This could be exercise, budgeting, or guided-learning… whatever your life needs today to continue growing. Find it. Practice it. Celebrate it.

7. Use your strengths. Each of us have natural talents, strengths, and abilities. And when we use them effectively, we feel alive and comfortable in our skin. They help us find joy in our being and happiness in our design. So embrace your strengths and choose to operate within your giftedness each day. If you need to find this outlet outside your employment, by all means, find this outlet.

8. Accomplish one important task. Because happy people choose happiness, they take control over their lives. They don’t make decisions based on a need to pursue joy. Instead, they operate out of the satisfaction they have already chosen. They realize there are demands on their time, helpful pursuits to accomplish, and important contributions to make to the world around them. Choose one important task that you can accomplish each day. And find joy in your contribution.

9. Eat a healthy meal/snack. We are spiritual, emotional, and mental beings. We are also physical bodies. Our lives cannot be wholly separated into its parts. As a result, one aspect always influences the others. For example, our physical bodies will always have impact over our spiritual and emotional well-being. Therefore, caring for our physical well-being can have significant benefit for our emotional standing. One simple action to choose happiness today is to eat healthy foods. Your physical body will thank you… and so will your emotional well-being.

10. Treat others well. Everyone wants to be treated kindly. But more than that, deep down, we also want to treat others with the same respect that we would like given to us. Treat everyone you meet with kindness, patience, and grace. The Golden Rule is a powerful standard. It benefits the receiver. But also brings growing satisfaction in yourself as you seek to treat others as you would like to be treated.

11. Meditate. Find time alone in solitude. As our world increases in speed and noise, the ability to withdraw becomes even more essential. Studies confirm the importance and life-giving benefits of meditation. So take time to make time. And use meditation to search inward, connect spiritually, and improve your happiness today.

12. Search for benefit in your pain. This life can be difficult. Nobody escapes without pain. At some point—in some way—we all encounter it. When you do, remind yourself again that the trials may be difficult, but they will pass. And search deep to find meaning in the pain. Choose to look for the benefits that can be found in your trial. At the very least, perseverance is being built. And most likely, an ability to comfort others in their pain is also being developed.

Go today. Choose joy and be happy. That will make two of us.

Weekend Reads

The simplicity/minimalism niche is among the most friendly, encouraging, and helpful communities you will ever find. There is a genuine understanding that any promotion of simplicity is good for society—and there is little concern about who gets the credit for it.

It is a pleasure to be part of such a wonderful group of people. And I enjoy every opportunity to promote writing that encourages people to live more by owning less. So fix yourself a nice warm cup of coffee or tea. Find a quiet moment this weekend. And enjoy some encouraging words about finding more simplicity in your life today.

Live Slowly | Wikichen by Jonathan Chen. Some days are best lived slowly.

Is There Room for Sentimental Attachment In Packing Light? | Allison Vesterfelt by Allison Vesterfelt. Helpful thoughts on one of the most common questions I get asked.

Bill Watterson: A Cartoonist’s Advice | Zen Pencils by Bill Watterson. ”To invent your own life’s meaning is not easy… but it’s still allowed.”

I Forgot My Phone | YouTube by Charlene de Guzman. (2:10)

Parents Are Digital Hypocrites | Time by Ruth Davis Konigsberg. “Adults think they’re setting limits but inadvertently teach kids to overuse gadgets.”

Image: Lyssah

7 Important Reasons to Unplug and Find Space

“We’re born, we live for a brief instant, and we die. It’s been happening for a long time. Technology is not changing it much – if at all.” —Steve Jobs

Technology has some wonderful benefits. I use it almost every day. And I would never, ever argue against the responsible use of it.

However, that being said, it is becoming increasingly obvious that our world is developing an unhealthy attachment to it:

84% of cell phone users claim they could not go a single day without their device. (source)
67% of cell phone owners check their phone for messages, alerts, or calls — even when they don’t notice their phone ringing or vibrating. (source)
Studies indicate some mobile device owners check their devices every 6.5 minutes. (source)
88% of U.S. consumers use mobile devices as a second screen even while watching television. (source)
Almost half of cell owners have slept with their phone next to their bed because they wanted to make sure they didn’t miss any calls. (source)
Traditional TV viewing eats up over six days (144 hours, 54 minutes) worth of time per month. (source)
Some researchers have begun labeling “cell phone checking” as the new yawn because of its contagious nature. (source)

But we don’t need statistics to tell us we are over-attached to our technology. We already know this to be true—which is probably why this powerful video has received over 13,000,000 views in less than six days.

But we need to be reminded again and again: Technology has a power-off button. And the wisest of us know when to use it.

Consider again, just some of the Important Reasons to Unplug Our Technology:

1. Powering-down helps remove unhealthy feelings of jealousy, envy, and loneliness. Researchers recently discovered that one in three people felt worse after visiting Facebook and more dissatisfied with their lives. Certainly, not every interaction with Facebook is a negative one. But typically, our own experience validates their research. From family happiness to body image to vacation destinations to the silly number of birthday greetings on a Facebook wall, the opportunity for envy presents itself often on social media. Powering-down for a period of time provides opportunity to reset and refocus appreciation and gratitude for the lives we have been given.

2. Powering-down combats the fear of missing out. Scientifically speaking, the Fear of Missing Out (FOMO) has been recognized as a recently emerging psychological disorder brought on by the advance of technology. The premise is simple. Our social media streams are ever-filled with everything happening all around us. Nowadays, we even see the plates of food our friends are enjoying. And within this constant stream of notification, our fear of being left out continues to grow. Turning off social media and finding contentment in our present space is a welcome skill.

3. Solitude is harder to find in an always-connected world. Solitude grounds us to the world around us. It provides the stillness and quiet required to evaluate our lives and reflect on the message in our hearts. In a world where outside noise is coming quicker and louder than ever, the need for solitude becomes more apparent… and easier to overlook. True solitude and meditation will always require the intentional action of shutting off the noise and the screens.

4. Life, at its best, is happening right in front of you. Our world may be changing. But the true nature of life is not. Life, at its best, is happening right in front of you. These experiences will never repeat themselves. These conversations are unfiltered and authentic. And the love is real. But if we are too busy staring down at our screen, we’re gonna miss all of it.

5. Powering-down promotes creation over consumption. Essentially, most of our time is spent in one of two categories: consuming or creating. Certainly, technology can contribute to creating. For example, this article was written (created) on a computer. But most of the time we spend in front of technology is spent consuming (playing video games, browsing the Internet, watching movies, listening to music). But our world doesn’t need more consuming. It needs more creating. It needs your passion, your solution, and your unique contribution. Power-down. And begin contributing to a better world because of it.

6. Addiction can only be understood when the object is taken away. Through a recent technological fast, I learned something about myself. I learned I am far more addicted to technology than I would have guessed. But that is the nature of addiction, isn’t it? We can never fully realize our level of addiction until the item is taken away. And the only way to truly discover technology’s controlling influence on your life is to turn it off, walk away, and sense how strong the pull is to turn it back on.

7. Life is still about flesh, blood, and eye contact. There are valuable resources online to help us grow and evolve. I have been enriched by the connections I have made and the friends I have met. But no matter how much I interact with others through the miracle of technology, there is something entirely unique and fantastic about meeting face-to-face. The experience of looking another person in the eye without the filter of a screen changes everything. Each time, I am reminded that life’s most fulfilling relationships are the ones in the world right in front of me. And spending too much time looking away from them does a great disadvantage to my soul and theirs.

How then, in our ever-connected world, might we take appropriate steps to find balance and intentionality in our approach to technology? If you need help getting started, try one or more of these helpful tips to unplug and find space:

• Choose to start your day elsewhere. Henry Ward Beecher once said, “The first hour is the rudder of the day.” Spend it wisely. Commit to not turning on technology during your first waking hour. After all, the world ran just fine without you for the previous 7-8 hours, one more won’t hurt. Blocking out that one hour to focus on meditation or your upcoming day will help you wisely shape the other 23.

• Power-down for one period of time each day. Choose a specific period of the day to intentionally power-down. As mentioned above, this may be the first hour of the day. Or maybe the last hour of the day works better for you… or maybe lunch, dinner, or the hours just before your kids go to bed. The specific time of the day is not important. What is important is the discipline of learning when and how to power-down. Choose something that works for your specific lifestyle and stick to it at all costs.

• Better manage the time-wasters. There are a number of Internet tools that can help you better manage your time online. Freedom will disable your entire Internet connection for a time period set by you. Selfcontrol will allow you to block access to uniquely specified websites (for example: Facebook, Gmail, Twitter, your favorite blog) for a period of time, but still have access to the rest of the web.

• Take one extended break on a regular basis. I have found great value in choosing 40 days each year to power-down unnecessary apps (leaving only phone and text privileges on my phone). And I have completed the exercise each of the last two years. It has taught me about technology, relationships, and myself. Whether it be for one weekend, one week, or 40 days, there is great value in taking an intentional extended break from technology. Pick something. And get started right away. Your life is waiting.

Learning to power-down technology is an important life skill with numerous benefits. It is becoming a lost art in our ever-connected world. But the wisest of us take time to learn the discipline. And live fuller lives because of it.