Joshua Becker's Blog, page 121

9 Stress-Reducing Thoughts About Money

“Money won’t make you happy, but everybody wants to find out for themselves.” —Zig Ziglar

According to a recent survey, 71% of Americans identify money as a significant cause of stress in their lives. Of course, America is not alone in this regard.

Looking inside the numbers, we get a glimpse as to why the percentage is so high: 76% of households live paycheck-to-paycheck and credit card debt continues to grow. No doubt, these statistics contribute to the problem.

But money-related stress is not entirely a matter of simple dollars and numbers. When 71% of respondents cite money as a cause, the problem clearly extends across socio-economonic classes. Money-related stress is not just about a shortage of dollars. It is more than that.

Instead, the stress stems from the way we think about and interact with money and the solution is not as simple as “just add more.” This may mask the symptoms temporarily, but the anxiety always returns.

Instead, the solution may be as simple (and as difficult) as changing the way we think about money entirely.

If you struggle with financial-related stress, begin thinking different about money by adopting a few of these stress-reducing thoughts. They have each worked for me.

9 Stress-Reducing Thoughts About Money

1. You need less than you think. Most of the things we think we can’t live without are considered luxuries to most of the world—or even our grandparents. Think: cell phones, microwaves, cars, matching shoes, larger closets, just to name a few. The commercialization of our society has worked hard to stir discontent in our hearts. They have won. They have caused us to redefine their factory-produced items as legitimate needs. And have caused great stress in our lives because of it. Meanwhile, there are wonderful benefits for those who choose to own less.

2. Money won’t make you happy. It is simply an illusion that money will bring you happiness—study after study confirms it, so does experience. Some of the most joyful people I know are far from wealthy and some of the wealthiest people I know are far from joy. Now, certainly, there is a measure of stability and security that arises from having our most basic financial needs met. But we need so much less than we think we need. And the sooner we stop assuming money will make us happy, the sooner we can start finding happiness today.

3. Money is not the greatest goal of your work. Financial compensation does not succeed as a long-term motivator and the association between salary and job satisfaction is routinely shown to be very weak. In other words, a larger paycheck will not improve your satisfaction at work. There is a significant amount of work-related stress that can be removed by simply deciding to be content with your pay (assuming it is fair). Don’t work for the paycheck alone. Work for the sake of contribution and benefit to others. This approach is idealistic, but it is also fulfilling and stress-reducing.

4. Wealth has its own troubles. There are troubles associated with poverty, few of us would debate that fact. But there are also troubles associated with wealth. Unfortunately, we give little thought to them. As a result, we think the presence of money is always good, always a blessing. And we desire it. But money brings troubles of its own: it clouds moral judgement, it distorts empathy, it promotes pride and arrogance, it can become an addiction. Fears of the wealthy include isolation, anxiety, and raising well-adjusted children. In other words, if you are thinking money will solve your troubles, you are mistaken. And once we change our thinking on this, we can stop searching for answers in the wrong places.

5. The desire for riches robs us of life. We have heard the love of money is the root of all evil. But often times, the mere desire for more of it robs us of life as well. The desire for money consumes our time, wastes our energy, compromises our values, and limits our potential. It is wise to remove its desire from our affections. This would reduce our stress. But even better, it would allow true life-giving pursuits to emerge.

6. Boundaries are life-giving. Orson Welles once said, “The enemy of art is the absence of limitations.” I agree. And the enemy of life is the absence of boundaries. Whether they be social, financial, or moral, boundaries provide structure and a framework for life. They promote discovery, invention, and ingenuity. Boundaries motivate us to discover happiness in our present circumstance. This is one reason a personal spending plan (budget) is such a helpful tool—the financial boundary forms a helpful framework for life. It allows us to recognize we don’t have to spend more money than we earn to be happy. There is no joy in living beyond your means—only stress. Live within the boundaries of your income. And find more life because of it.

7. There is joy in giving money away. Generosity has wonderful benefits. Generous people are happier, healthier, more admired, more satisfied with life, and have deeper relationships with others. Their lives are filled with less stress. It is important to change our thinking on this topic. One of the most stress-reducing things you can ever do with your money is give some of it away. And generosity is completely achievable today regardless of our current situation.

8. The security found in money/possessions is fleeting at best. Too many of us believe security can be adequately found in possessions. As a result, many of us pursue and collect large stockpiles of possessions in the name of security or happiness. We work long hours to purchase them. We build bigger houses to store them. We spend large amounts of energy maintaining them. The burden of accumulating and maintaining slowly becomes the main focus of our lives. Meanwhile, we lose community, freedom, happiness, and passion. We exchange some of the most basic elements of life for mere possessions. Our search for security and life and joy is essential to being human—we just need to start looking for it in the right places.

9. Money, at its core, is only a tool. At its heart, money is nothing more than a tool to expedite trade. It saves us from making our own clothes, tools, and furniture. Because of money, I spend my days doing what I love and am good at. In exchange, I receive money to trade with someone else who uses their giftedness to create something different than me. That’s it. That is its purpose. And if we have enough to meet our needs, we shouldn’t live in stress trying desperately to acquire more.

Stress has some terrible affects on our bodies. It results in irratability, fatigue, and nervousness. Unfortunately, money consistently ranks as one of the greatest causes of it. But that doesn’t need to be true of us.

Let’s change the way we think about it. And start to enjoy our lives a little more.

What 48 Hours Alone in the Wilderness Taught Me About Unconditional Love

Editor’s note: I have gotten to know Paul DeJoe during the past several months over coffee and phone calls. Recently, Paul told me he was flying to Sayulita, Mexico for 11 days with only a passport and a book. It was an experiment in changing environments, overcoming challenges, and self-exploration. I asked to publish his story when he returned. This is the result.

I just got back from an 11 day trip to Mexico. I left the country with a passport, goggles, one change of clothes, a knife, flashlight, and $50 my brother gave me when he dropped me off at the airport.

My intention was to try survival camping for the whole eleven days—as in find my own food and water while making shelter on a secluded beach somewhere. (Above is a distant picture of me gathering firewood just before the sun went down.)

To be honest, I’ve been thinking about what to write about this experience for awhile. My own internal lie detector kept shutting down the superficial wannabe profound thoughts that were coming up for topics.

The truth is, I didn’t last 11 days. I barely lasted 48 hours. Yeah, there were physical challenges like finding drinking water and food, but the biggest challenge is your own thoughts and psychology when it’s dark, when there’s no one around, you can’t sleep, there’s nothing to do, you’re thirsty, hungry, and you’re incredibly lonely.

At about 7 o’clock in the evening, it becomes very dark. And when you’re trying to sleep in a 20 yard space between the ocean and the jungle with no one around, your thoughts become racy and all over the place. You have a thousand thoughts at once but your mind is still empty because none stick. This is hell and difficult to explain. Occasionally, however, some of your thoughts seem focused and they arrive at crystal clear personal maxims like what and who matters to you and what type of person you’d like to be.

I kept a journal that I could barely see and wrote down every thought that came to mind. Living this experience even for a short time was one of the best and worst things I’ve ever done.

Feeling painfully alone and helpless between some of the loudest waves crashing and the weirdest sounds coming from the jungle puts your mind in a foreign state. I kept trying to fall asleep but I had to sleep so close to the fire that I was being awakened by the heat.

At one point I heard what sounded like something drop and roll down the cliff. It was in front of me and I immediately put my flashlight in that direction. I saw two green eyes. I’m positive they were eyes because I did not blink or take the flashlight off them. They slowly faded to the right behind a tree then back into the jungle. It was the most scared I’ve ever been in my life—it seemed smart to run into the ocean with all my clothes on in the pitch black.

And yet, in what was one of the most beautiful moments of my life, I was sitting on a log in front of a fire with the ocean to my left, the jungle to my right and every single star in the sky as clear as day. I don’t think I have ever in my life sat still for that long just staring and appreciating something.

This is what I wrote:

I was inspired to write this entry partly because of the stars and the ocean. Sitting alone and scared with only a fire, you feel insignificant against these tremendous creations. I’ve heard so many times people mention this feeling of insignificance and being small or a spec of dust against these. I’ve always felt the same way. It never felt good to accept insignificance but it felt accurate. Tonight it feels accurate for another reason: compared with the stars and ocean you are a spec of dust. That’s okay. Their beauty is explained in light years and in fathoms. They’re here to keep us humble and to awe us, but they are not here for comparison. They’re here to remind us that we can be significant to others and to make others feel significant. There are no shortages of opportunities every day. Being painfully alone right now, all I can think about is how lucky I am to have the family and the friends that I have. It also feels like I never need to prove anything to any of them.

One of the ideas that came to my mind at this time and from this entry was this concept of a “utility margin.” In any situation you are in, you possess some thing, whether material or immaterial, that you can give to someone else who will get more utility, value, and/or appreciation out of it than you are getting from it right now. The idea is that while you possess it, it is not worth as much as it could be to someone else.

For example, with immaterial possessions, right this instant, I can go to the grocery store and smile at the cashier and ask her how her day is going. I also don’t have to. But if I don’t, for no good reason, I just missed a chance to make the world a better place and someone’s day better.

For material posessions; there’s something in your posession at this moment that someone else would really love to have. You may even love to have it yourself—it’s probably why you have it in the first place. But give it away. Give it to them anyway and make the world a better place. You don’t have to say anything other than, “I want you to have this. I think you’d get more out of it than I am right now.” Seeing the elation on their face is one of the best feelings in the world. Try it—at least once. Tell me about it.

At night on the beach, I kept coming back to these thoughts of whether or not I was doing this challenge for myself or because I wanted people to talk about me. It feels like the things I do and don’t tell people about are the things I really want to do. These things are what define me because I am consistently that person. When I talk about things before I do them, it’s because I want recognition from them. And our days are too short to waste simply seeking recognition from others.

I wasn’t having any fun by myself on the beach because I was alone. I could have stayed, but it wasn’t worth it to me. I was craving human interaction again. I decided to walk into town and try to enjoy the remaining days I was there (and so I didn’t have to worry about jaguars).

I’m so glad I did. After a couple days in a surf town where no one has cell phones, I realized that meeting up with new people I had met relied on having to be somewhere at a certain time because you said you would be there and you couldn’t text your way out of it. Reminding myself of how many times I’ve backed out of something this way and that every relationship requires being selfless to some extent.

This sounds terrible to say but during those days, I hated seeing English speaking people because I loved speaking Spanish to local people. They looked you in the eyes, held a conversation with you, and smiled because they didn’t know any better or haven’t just been on a zombie walk staring at their phones.

There are many vivid memories I will have from this trip but nothing was more vivid than a conversation I had at a coffee shop. One of my favorite people I’ve ever met in my life was a 38 year old cop from Madrid named Gaston. He was vacationing for a month and staying at the hostel my friend was at. This particular month included his mother’s birthday. He mentioned to me a couple days earlier that his father died 5 years ago and they didn’t get along but he was glad they had patched the relationship when he got sick. They both agreed it was silly that it had gone this long.

I did not know his mother had died as well just last year. He brought it up by saying, “Tomorrow is gonna be tough for me. It’s my mother’s birthday.”

And what he said to me next was something that made my trip feel worth while. If you ever get to speak with someone that has English as a second language, it’s captivating to listen to because they are very succinct and waste no words to convey what they are thinking.

“When you lose your mother, you lose the person in the whole world that loves you unconditionally. When she is gone, that is it. No one else loves you like that again for the rest of your life.”

I had difficulty not being emotional as I listened to him.

I’m lucky enough to have my mother still, but one day I won’t and I struggled to make sense of this situation for those that have lost their mothers and other loved ones that have shown unconditional love towards them. How do you balance or become whole again?

Unconditional love is the most scarce and immaterial resource there is. It’s not something you can ask for or work at. It’s not something you are guaranteed or have the right to. It’s only something that you can give and it’s the most coveted of all resources. And while seemingly impossible to fill a void or find balance from losing someone, you have the ability to love someone unconditionally as well as the ability to forgive, the ability to improve any situation or life at any time, and endless opportunities to do so.

We forget that we are just passing through this world so we put emphasis on possessions and status when all we have to leave behind is how we’ve made others feel.

We allow difficult decisions to become exponentially more difficult because we don’t focus on the components of the decision that matter. Make decisions about people and not things. Not even places over people. Sometimes we’re fortunate to find great people in great places but when we have the option to choose, always choose people over things. Things break. Places change. Your effect on people lasts forever.

And unconditional love is your greatest possession in the utility margin you can ever bring to another person.

***

You can contact Paul directly via email or follow him on Twitter.

5 Steps to Declutter Your Schedule and Live Your Desired Life

Editor’s note: This is a guest post from Mike Burns of The Other Side of Complexity.

“Time is a created thing. To say ‘I don’t have time,’ is like saying, ‘I don’t want to’.” ―Lao Tzu

15 years ago, I was overwhelmed.

I was working a ton of hours, trying to establish myself in my career. I was juggling relationships with my wife, my 6 kids, neighbors, friends, family, and co-workers. My schedule was pretty cluttered. There was a lot of stuff going on, and not enough time to do it.

My intentions were good. My heart was in the right place. But my life was a whirlwind. I couldn’t catch my breath.

Something had to change. I knew I needed some help.

So, my family began a journey to figure out how we could manage our time well and focus on the things that were most important to us. This pursuit has lasted 15 years (and counting). And it has paid off tremendously!

I can’t say that every day goes exactly according to plan. That’s not even possible. But, I can say, with confidence, that we now live the kind of lives we want to live. We focus our efforts on those things we value most.

We still don’t get everything done. We drop the ball sometimes. But we’re headed in the right direction. We have close, meaningful relationships with people that we love and we’re using our talents and experiences to do things that (we think) have meaning.

Each person’s life looks different. What’s important to me may not be what’s important to you. The “plan of attack” for regaining control of our schedules won’t look the same.

However, if your schedule feels like it’s a bit out of control, there are some universal steps you can take to begin finding a tailor-made approach.

5 Steps to Declutter your Schedule and Live Your Desired Life

1. Acknowledge the fact that you can’t do everything.

We can only do so much. We have unlimited options, but limited resources. We have to make important decisions to eliminate some things. When we’re feeling especially productive and superhuman, we struggle to admit this reality. But, we can’t do it all. We have to remove the clutter.

Clutter is the stuff that interferes with the life we want to live. It slows us down from doing the things we value most. It’s that unnecessary stuff that we entertain, but doesn’t help us get where we want to go. And it needs to be removed.

2. Clarify what’s most important…to you!

The things that are important to you will affect how you make decisions and how you spend your days. If you don’t know where you’re going, why bother establishing a path? Before you start developing a plan, you have to know what you want to accomplish and what rules you will play by. You need a what and a why before you figure out how.

You’ll need clarity in at least 3 important areas:

What kind of person do you want to be?
What relationships are most important to you?
What do you want to accomplish?

3. Determine what you have to do to live for those things.

Once you’ve identified your objective, you can begin to think about how you’ll get there. It is incredibly important to identify your goals and values. But if you don’t take the second step and think about your plan to live up to them, then they are only dreams.

You have to map out a route to your destination. You have to figure out the best way to be and do what you want to be and do. You have to determine what actions will be required and what tools you’ll need to accomplish them. If we don’t, we run the risk of just wandering around through life as a slave to our circumstances.

4. Say “no” to other stuff that hinders you.

It’s not enough to know what things you should do. You also have to get clarity on the types of things you should not do. We’ve already established that our time is limited. We will have to make choices about how we spend our time. We will have say “no” to some things so we can say “yes” to others.

Inevitably, we will face circumstances that could throw us off course and make us want to give up on our dreams. Sometimes, these hindrances are caused by unhealthy behaviors. Sometimes, they are caused by people who want to see us fail. Sometimes, they are caused by good things that aren’t best.

Regardless of what causes the hindrances, we have to pay attention to them and make some decisions about what activities need to get the boot!

5. Find what motivates you and use it.

Study yourself and figure out what makes you tick. What makes you come alive? What makes you feel human and reminds you that you are not just a robot with a job and a checkbook? What tugs at your heart? What reminds you of the things you value most?

It may be: listening to music, blogging, dancing, painting, singing, jogging, lifting weights, or something really random and strange that you just love to do.

It’s okay if it isn’t related to your “greater purpose” or if it even makes sense to other people. If it motivates you (and it’s legal), do it!

Life’s too short to spend our days in constant frustration.

Don’t allow things of lesser importance to rob you of the life you could be living. Take a good look at your life and be honest. Do the work and declutter your schedule. You can do this!

***

Mike Burns blogs at The Other Side of Complexity where he encourages others to live well and focus on what’s most important. His new book is Time Well Spent: Gain Control of Your Schedule and Live the Life You Want to Live. You can also connect with him on Twitter.

Inspiring Simplicity. Weekend Reads.

There are many wonderful people pursuing and promoting simplicity. Fortunately, some of them are gifted in communication and choose to encourage and inspire us with their words. I enjoy reading their perspective. I’m sure you will too.

So fix yourself a nice warm cup of coffee or tea on this beautiful weekend. Find a quiet moment. And enjoy some encouraging words about finding more simplicity in your life today.

Why this Millennial Quit his Job and Gave Away Most of his Possessions | Yahoo by Jenna Goudreau. “Once I shed the superfluous things I owned, it led to other parts of my life: my health, relationships, work.”

Minimalism: More than a Trend | Project Simple Life by Mariel Boldis. Minimalism is not a quick fix to happiness, and it certainly doesn’t happen overnight or even in three months.

5 Things Keeping You (and Me) From Achieving Success | Allison Vesterfelt by Allison Vesterfelt. We might define success in different ways, and go about achieving it by different methods, but I believe there is a universal human desire to achieve something great.

10 Painfully Obvious Truths Everyone Forgets Too Soon | Marc and Angel Hack Life by Marc Chernoff. This, my friends, is my attempt at helping all of us, myself included, “get it” and “remember it” once and for all.

101 Steps to a Simpler Life | Goedeker’s Home Life by Sarah Marchant. This list is impressively exhaustive. Choose 2-3 and begin forming new habits in your life.

Positively Speaking

“Dwell on the beauty of life. Watch the stars, and see yourself running with them.” —Marcus Aurelius

Five years ago, I was introduced to minimalism by my neighbor. It was a short conversation, only a few sentences long.

I had been working most of the day cleaning up the garage and began complaining to her about the time and energy that goes into owning a home. She responded with a simple sentence, “That’s why my daughter is a minimalist, she keeps telling me I don’t need to own all this stuff.” 
At the time, it sounded like a completely revolutionary idea: intentionally live with fewer possessions and own only necessary things for life and purpose.

It felt like it was the first time anybody had ever invited me to own less stuff. I jumped in right away. Minimalism and its promotion became one of my greatest passions in life. And I owe it all to one short conversation with my neighbor, June.

Or do I?

I have often referred to that conversation as the first time anybody ever invited me to live with less—the first time somebody told me I didn’t need to own everything. But in reality, I’m not sure that’s true. In fact, as I look back over the course of my life, I can now see there were a number of people trying to make the same argument.

Environmentalists warned me against consumption and disposal and its negative impact on the environment.
Financial advisers warned me against buying more than I could afford and the negative repercussions on my credit score.
Spiritual advisers warned me against materialism and its negative influence on my spirituality.
My parents constantly referred to the need to buy less and not live beyond my means.

There were, indeed, numerous people introducing me to the idea of living with less—even from a young age. But looking back, each of them always stressed the negative consequences of materialism rather than the positive benefits of minimalism. Simply put, they warned me against materialism rather than inviting me to minimalism. And there is a big difference (for instance, none of their warnings ever stuck).

There is often a need to consider both the positives and negatives of a decision as we seek to live our lives effectively. And whether we are speaking into the lives of our children, our friends, our co-workes, or our very own, we should be open to discussing both.

But I try hard to frame my conversations by focusing on the positive aspects of life-change rather than warnings against the negatives as much as possible. For various reasons, I have found this works very well both in printed word and spoken conversation.

People always enjoy hearing a “good-news” story.
People are uniquely interested in themselves and the benefits of their actions.
People love receiving invitations and often ignore warnings.
People are searching for hope and answers.

This principle of speaking positively is important in promoting simplicity. But it is also important in any and every interaction where we seek to expand influence in our life and the lives of others. Embrace it.

You will find your influence expand. And your own personal attitude towards life will improve as well.

The Difficult Joy of Not Escaping

“The unexamined life is not worth living.” —Socrates

Even 10 years later, I easily consider it my worst day at work ever.

The exact day was in the middle of December and I was working at a church in Wisconsin. At some point, under my watch, a snowball fight broke out among 100 middle school students. This would be fine—and even expected in Wisconsin—except the snowball fight was taking place inside the church.

Piles of snow were being grabbed from the nearest exit, rounded into slushy, lopsided spheres, and thrown across the room toward unsuspecting students on the other side. In response, as you might guess, the snowballs were promptly thrown back at even greater speeds.

In my defense, it escalated quickly.

But my boss, who happened to wander past the room and witness the melee, didn’t seem to care. His only words displayed little understanding, “Clean this up. And stop by my office first thing in the morning.”

My heart sunk. This was not going to end well.

Fortunately, this is not a story about getting fired. And unfortunately, it is also not a story about challenging authority, sticking it to ‘the man,’ or even the rebelliousness of youth. This is a story about avoiding escape, remaining in the moment, and the painful joy of choosing to journey inward.

After cleaning up snow and water and mud off walls and carpeting, I got in my car to drive home. And suddenly remembered what would meet me when I walked in the back door: silence.

You see, back at home, I was in the middle of a 30-day No Television experiment—no entertainment from screens of any kind. No cable, no sports, no movies, no video games—not on television, computers, tablets, or phones.

And for maybe the first time in my life, I was forced to sit in silence with my own self rather than turn to entertainment as an escape from my troubles.

With no TV to turn on, I sat alone on my couch, in a dark living room, rewinding the events of the evening. I saw the look on my boss’s face peering into the room. I imagined all the possible outcomes of tomorrow’s meeting. I ran through the worst-case scenarios of what could have happened during the snowball fight. And I sat alone in the weight of the moment.

Then, I began a journey inward— an incredibly difficult journey of assessing my own heart and mind and soul in response to the evening.

Why did I allow a snowball fight to happen in the first place? Was I that desperate to be liked by middle schoolers that I would allow them to do whatever they wanted?

Why was I so afraid of tomorrow morning? Being fired was almost certainly not on the table. Was my identity so wrapped up in my reputation at work that this stain could literally paralyze me to my couch in an empty room? Does this seem healthy?

Was I so desperate for praise from others that I worried about my coworkers finding out? Was my leadership potential being questioned? Was my personal need for affirmation so significant that nothing else mattered at this moment in time?

I did not like what I saw. It was hard to be completely honest with myself in that moment. But it was important and worth ever hard-fought moment of not giving in to the urge to turn away and escape. I was intimately introduced to my ugliest motivations and fears.

It can indeed be a humbling experience to search our hearts, to be reminded of their depravity, and have our true motivations exposed to us.

I think that is why so often we choose to escape instead. We turn on the television, a video game, Facebook, or Pinterest. We turn to alcohol, tobacco, or other substances. We eat, we run, we shop, we go back to work, or we turn to unhealthy relationships.

But when we escape our present circumstance too quickly, we miss the difficult joy of looking inward. We lose opportunity to discover the motivations behind our pride, jealousy, anger, loneliness, narcissism, or selfish pursuits.

Is the discovery of these motivations all it takes to overcome them? Absolutely not. But slowing down long enough to recognize them is almost always the first step.

Image: Kyle Person

7 Life Inaccuracies Portrayed in the Super Bowl Ads

The last four Super Bowls have been the four most watched TV programs in U.S. history. And some reports predicted the 2014 edition of the big game would break all previous records to become the most-watched ever.

With this many people gathered around their television sets watching the exact same programming, marketers will invest significant time and money getting their products on screen: 30-second advertisement spots sold for $4 million. They willingly make the investment knowing the most popular ads will be talked about in offices on Monday and watched over-and-over again on YouTube.

Watching and rating the commercials has become as important to the game as the events on the field. And only minutes after the final whistle, countless media sources rank the best and the worst advertisements declaring their own winners and losers.

Just to be fair, I do appreciate clever advertisements as much as the next guy. But as a whole, I have begun to watch them with a different focus. As somebody who has developed a great frustration over our consumer-driven culture, I often watch the marketing of products to determine their underlying promise. To uncover what else, other than the product itself, marketers are trying to sell me. And I am rarely impressed with what I find.

Often times, I discover the underlying message promoted by marketers represents misconceptions and inaccuracies about life. They push forward faulty rationale. And we would be wise to recognize and reject each of them. Consider just a few of the inaccuracies on display in last night’s football game:

7 Life Inaccuracies Portrayed in the Super Bowl Ads

1. To accomplish good in this world, buy more stuff. There has been much conversation about the softer, nicer tone of this Super Bowl’s advertisements: less sexism, less sleaze, and less coarse humor. I welcome the change. Instead, we received ads designed to evoke fuzzy feelings and emotional responses. Some companies (Axe, Chevy, U2) even took the next step and offered social change through the purchase of their products. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m all for world peace, beating AIDS, and celebrating cancer survival. And I appreciate companies that are investing money into social good. I just don’t think buying more stuff is the best way to accomplish it.

2. The best food is found in fast service and slick packages. In Notes from a Blue Bike, Tsh Oxenreider speaks about the joy and pleasure of eating “slow food.” She reminds us of the simple pleasure and benefit of purchasing quality food in season, including family in preparation, slowing down while we eat, and finding opportunity to linger at the table afterwards. Perhaps that is why the foolishness of some food commercials stick out to me. At one point, Subway referred to their new Frito Chicken Enchilada as food that “could not be resisted” and Sodastream promoted a new soda that was both “better for you and better for us.” There is wonderful food out in the world to enjoy—it’s just not on sale in your local fast food establishment or candy aisle.

3. We don’t need less TV, we need better TV. I have learned one of the great subtleties of television is its ability to further its own cause—in other words, those who watch television are the most drawn to watch more of it. This is most often accomplished through television’s promotion of its own programming by highlighting “the most watched new show,” “the funniest new series,” “must-see tv,” or “the next great sporting event.” Television promotes more and more of itself to present viewers and boldly calls for even more of their attention. During the football game, I noticed countless advertisements for new shows and new television networks to improve our television-watching experience. But in a country where people spend 34 hours a week watching TV, better, more personalized television is not the answer. Turning off the television is the answer.

4. If you can buy a luxury car, you should. Harvey Mackay once said, “If you can afford a fancy car, you can make more of an impact driving an ordinary one.” Car marketers would try to convince you otherwise. Their advertisements during the Super Bowl seem to presume that buying expensive new cars should be the goal of every American. Jaguar, Audi, and Kia all made claims to be the most luxurious vehicle on the market—as if luxury and reputation are the two most important goals anyone could achieve in their next car purchase. But as a nation that owes $11.28 trillion in consumer debt, we don’t need to buy more luxury cars, we need to change our spending habits entirely. And even if we do have the money to buy a new luxury car, is that really the best possible use of it?

5. Buy a website and you’ll become a successful entrepreneur. Websites are great. They provide opportunity to find your voice, interact with the world, and help bring about the change you desire. I am continually grateful for the opportunity this one provides for me. But I get a little nervous when I see companies make it sound too easy. Building a successful website takes time, money, energy, dedication, and passion. Both GoDaddy and SquareSpace seem to indicate it may be as simple as buying a new web address. And while purchasing a web site address is certainly your first step towards successful entrepreneurship, it is only the very first of many.

6. America is defined by football, soda, beer, and cars. American pride was an important theme for advertisers during this year’s Super Bowl. Coca-Cola, Budweiser, and Chrysler were among those who intentionally used the theming to help promote their product (Chrysler even went so far as to use this line: Detroit made cars. And cars made America). Also, for some reason, Super Bowl Sunday was deliberately referred to as “America’s holiday” over and over again this year. But it seems to me this country is about higher ideals than entertainment and consumerism—or at least, it could be.

7. Happiness is for sale. Advertisers often seek to convince us their products will increase our happiness and fulfillment in life—that the answer is found in spending more. From soda and alcohol to fashion and technology, happiness is offered to us in our very next purchase. But the truth of life is that happiness cannot be purchased no matter how hard we search for it in material possessions. And advertisers do a great disservice to their audience by promising it in temporal packages. We would be wise to look for it elsewhere.

Image: Photo Credit: Heinz

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As a quick reminder, today is the last day to purchase our new book, Clutterfree with Kids, for $2.99. It is a book about handling clutter. But it is also a book about rethinking consumerism, discovering new habits, and finding a better way to live. If you think you would benefit from it, I hope you’ll get it.

Inspiring Simplicity. Weekend Reads.

It has been a very exciting week for us. On Monday, we released a new book, Clutterfree with Kids. Within hours of its launch, it became the #1 Parenting book in America. It was recognized by Amazon as a Hot New Release. And at one point, it was the 7th most popular nonfiction book on Amazon.

After the launch, a friend of mine asked if I had thought the book was going to do so well. I told him I really thought it would, but you never know for sure until the book is actually launched. I knew the struggle was real—that parents are overwhelmed by the amount of clutter in their homes and lives. I have seen the negative effects of a consumer-driven culture on society. And I had seen the eyes of countless parents light up when I mentioned the title of the book. But still, you never really know for sure. I’m glad it is doing so well. The message of the book is important.

This coming week will be equally exciting. I have a few media appearances lined up to talk about the book. In my own neighborhood, I am beginning a 7-week live class on the topic of rethinking money (if you are in Phoenix, come join us on Thursday nights). I’ll be speaking next weekend in Nebraska. And I’ll be keeping my fingers crossed that the book continues to get in the hands of those who need it.

But luckily, I am not the only one writing on the joy and importance of simplicity and owning less. There is a growing movement to rediscover the life-giving benefits of overcoming consumerism. It is a pleasure to be part of it. I know how important it is to find encouragement and inspiration for your journey. You’ll find some here. Grab some hot coffee or tea, and enjoy some encouraging words to inspire more simplicity in your life today.

Why We’re So Materialistic (Even Though We Know It’s Dumb) | WiseBread by Tara Struyk. The truth is that most us have way more than what’s required to meet our basic needs, more than is required to make our lives more convenient and comfortable, and even more than what we need to keep us happy.

You are Only as Busy as You Think You Are | Fast Company by Laura Vanderkam. A beautiful conversation on the value of changing perspective.

Minimalism: An Elevator Pitch | The Minimalists by Joshua Fields Millburn & Ryan Nicodemus. Minimalism is a lifestyle that helps people question what things add value to their lives.

How Competition Made Me Less Successful | Storyline by Joshua Becker. I am beginning to see there may be a better way to live—one that focuses less on competition and more on encouragement.

For the Love of Money | New York Times by Sam Polk. Maybe we can all make a real contribution to the world.

Clutterfree with Kids. Kindle | Nook | Kobo | PDF | Paperback. If you have not purchased a copy of Clutterfree with Kids, I hope you will. The book is inspirational, practical, and relevant. It has been endorsed by Peter Walsh, Leo Babauta, Kimberley Blaine, and numerous others. And this weekend, it is available for only $2.99. So get it today.

Image: Kuba Bożanowski

Clutterfree with Kids

“This book is wrecking me. All I want to do is de-clutter everything.” —Eileen Donaruma

Clutterfree with Kids is our brand new book. It is a book about clutter. But it is a book about more than clutter.

***Thank you for making Clutterfree with Kids the #1 Parenting book in America!***

The promise of living a clutterfree life sounds attractive to many. They have considered the benefits: less to clean, less to organize, less stress, less debt, more money, more freedom, and more energy for their greatest passions.

Unfortunately, with kids, discovering and maintaining a clutterfree home can be difficult. As a parent myself, I understand this to be true. We consistently find more and more things entering our home. Holidays, birthdays, schoolwork, shopping, and passing fads all contribute to this reality.

As a result, many parents begin to feel frustrated, overwhelmed, or defeated. The idea of living clutterfree sounds attractive, but appears impossible. But this does not need to be the case.

Clutterfree with kids is possible. Not only is it possible, it is life-giving.

This is a book about clutter.

Children add joy, purpose, and meaning to our lives. They provide optimism, hope, and love. They bring smiles, laughter, and energy into our homes. Unfortunately, they also add clutter. And a lot of it.

As parents, balancing life and managing clutter may appear impossible—or at the very least, it may appear to be never-ending. But what if there is a better way to live? One that discovers new habits? One that changes the way we think about our possessions? And one that frees our home from the inside-out?

Clutterfree with Kids is that book. It offers a new perspective and fresh approach to overcoming clutter. With helpful insights, inspirational stories, and practical application, the book serves as a valuable resource for parents. It offers hundreds of practical tips applicable to every family.

Clutterfree with Kids is written as a comprehensive how-to manual for handling kid clutter. The book defines and outlines the ten most common clutter problems for parents:

Toys
Clothes
Artwork
Sentimental items
Collections
Screens
Photos
Gifts
Packing
Schedules
Preparing for baby

It inspires and encourages parents to rethink their approach in each area. Each chapter offers easy to maintain habits. And each ends with personal application questions to make clutterfree living a reality.

It is a book about clutter. And discovering new habits to find victory over it.

This is a book about more than clutter.

This is a book about finding a new life.

Clutterfree with Kids is a book about owning less and living more. It challenges parents to reconsider the common more is better mentality. It calls us to reevaluate the role consumerism plays in our lives. It invites us to find new life apart from the relentless pursuit of material possessions. And it encourages us to become not just clutterfree, but more intentional in life and parenting.

Through practical application and inspirational stories, Clutterfree with Kids invites us to change our thinking, discover new habits, and free our homes. It invites us to reevaluate our lives. And it just may inspire you to live the life you’ve been searching for all along.

Where to find Clutterfree with Kids.

Clutterfree with Kids launches today. It includes content previously posted on Becoming Minimalist and brand new material written specifically for the book.

For the first 7 days, we will be offering the digital edition at a discounted price (only $2.99). We really want to encourage readers to pick it up right away. After the first week, the Ebook will sell for $6.99. Currently, the paperback is available for $10.44.

Paperback:  Amazon

Ebook:  Kindle  |  Nook  |  Kobo  |  PDF

Buy one for you. Buy one to share.

And finally begin living clutterfree.

9 Intentional Ways to Challenge Consumerism in Your Life

“Don’t buy what you don’t need.”

Consumerism is not a pathway to joy and meaning in life. This is not a new revelation. In fact, we all know it to be true.

If specifically asked the question, nobody would ever say the secret to a joyful, meaningful life is to buy a lot of stuff. Deep down in our hearts, we know we were made for something bigger—something more significant than mere consumption.

Nobody really believes happiness is directly tied to the number of things we own. Yet almost all of us live like it.

We work more hours than ever before, earn more income, but save less. Personal debt has increased dramatically over the previous three decades. And consumer spending has been exalted to a virtue in our society—even patriotic.

As a result, the average credit card holder now carries 4 different credit cards in his or her pocket. Shopping malls outnumber high schools 2 to 1. 70% of Americans visit a shopping mall each week. Televisions outnumber persons in American homes. Home sizes have doubled in the past 50 years. And consumer debt has risen to 35% of household income.

Will Rogers said it like this, “Too many people spend money they haven’t earned, to buy things they don’t want, to impress people they don’t like.”

We never intentionally set out to buy more than we need or spend more than we make. But here’s the problem:

Mindless consumption always turns into excessive consumption.

And excess consumption results in more stress, more burden, more pressure to impress, more envy, less financial freedom, less generosity, less contentment—and I haven’t even begun to mention the environmental impact.

It is time to rethink our spending habits, rediscover thoughtfulness and intentionality in our purchases, and remind ourselves that happiness is not on sale at the department store. Buying more is not the solution. We were made for greater pursuits than material possessions. And our lives should reflect that truth.

How then, might we begin to rethink and challenge mindless consumerism in our lives? Consider this intentional approach:

1. Stop and reevaluate. Look at the life you have created. Are you finding the time, money, and energy for the things that matter most? Have your possessions become a burden on your life in any way? Slow down long enough to honestly evaluate the whole picture: your income, your mortgage, your car payment, your spending habits, your day-to-day pursuits. Are you happy? Or is there, perhaps, a better way?

2. Stop copying other people. Just because your neighbors, classmates, and friends are chasing a certain style of life does not mean you need to as well. Your life is too unique to live like everyone else. And if you think you’ll be happier by following all the latest trends in society, you are wrong. Just ask anybody who has stopped.

3. Understand your weaknesses. Recognize your trigger points. Are there certain stores that prompt unnecessary purchases in your life? Are there products, addictions, or pricing patterns (clearance sales) that prompt an automatic response from you? Maybe there are specific emotions (sadness, loneliness, grief) that give rise to mindless consumption. Identify, recognize, and understand these weaknesses. 51% of the solution can be found by simply recognizing the problem.

4. Look deep into your motivations. Advertisers play on our motivations by appealing to our desires in subtle ways. Advertisements are no longer based on communicating facts about a product. Instead, they promise adventure, reputation, esteem, joy, fulfillment, and sex. What inner-motivations are subconsciously guiding your purchases? What motivations (greed, envy) need to be rooted out? And what motivations (meaning, significance) need to find their fulfillment elsewhere?

5. Seek contribution with your life and usefulness in your purchases. To live is to consume. As contributing members of society, we are going to work and earn and purchase and consume. But we are more than consumers, we are contributors. Our presence on this earth ought to bring value to the people around us. Purchase only what you need to more effectively accomplish your unique role in this world—everything else is only a distraction. Just because you can buy something doesn’t mean you should.

6. Count the hidden cost of each purchase. Too often, when we purchase an item, we only look at the sticker price. But this is rarely the full cost. Our purchases always cost more. They require our time, energy, and focus (cleaning, organizing, maintaining, fixing, replacing, removing). They prompt worry, stress, and attachment. Henry David Thoreau said it best, ”The price of anything is the amount of life you exchange for it.”

7. Test your limits. Experiment with a no-shopping challenge. You set the terms—even the world’s biggest shopper can find one experiment to test their boundaries. Go 30 days with no consumer purchases, 60 days without visiting the mall, or 120 days without buying clothes. You set the specific challenge based on your needs. You will break the cycle of shopping in the short-term and lay the groundwork for greater victory in the long-term.

8. Give more things away. Your life will feel lighter. Your heart will feel warmer. The world will be better. And you will be reminded shopping is not the answer.

9. Do more of what makes you happy. Your possessions are not making you happy. Once our basic needs have been met, the happiness found in consumerism is fleeting at best. Instead, find what it is that truly makes you happy and do more of it. I find my happiness in faith, family, friends, and contribution. Your list may differ slightly. But either way, owning a whole bunch of stuff is almost certainly not on it.

Make intentionality your highest pursuit. Not consumerism.