Michael Kindt's Blog, page 58
April 16, 2016
April 13, 2016
Vote Trump and get a complimentary dildo!According to Wikipedia:...
Vote Trump and get a complimentary dildo!
According to Wikipedia: A dildo is a sex toy, often explicitly phallic in appearance, intended for sexual penetration or other sexual activity during masturbation or with sex partners.
Ted Cruz seems to have a problem with them, according to recent internet posts.
Me, I got a problem with them, too. One drunken, passionate night I had one shoved up my ass. I didn’t shit right for a week.
You keep your dildo, girl, but, like FAR away from me.
Every year on my birthday I indulge in two Burger King Whoppers (one for each nipple).
My favorite fast food.
Normally, I am a pescatarian. I used to be entirely vegetarian, but I like salmon too much. Also, I have decided to become a fisherman. Standing in a stream in waders, cold water rushing centimeters below my testicles while wearing a funny hat: that’s the life for me.
There are no Burger Kings as far as the eye can see, though. I do know of a little store where I can get me some bacon. Maybe I should do that: two pounds of bacon (one for each nipple). I will fry it up under the vast sky, my rifle nearby to ward off bears.
Ode to Bacon
If it wouldn’t kill me, I’d eat it all the time. As a mostly-vegetarian, I fail utterly in the face of bacon.
I would eat it for breakfast, lunch, supper, and midnight snack. I would sprinkle bacon bits on top of my ice cream. I would dip it in mayo and wash it down with lukewarm, liquidified lard. I would rub bacon fat all over my body, especially my nipples, and dance naked in the moonlight, chanting to the old gods. I would wrap it around my shaft, like filet mignon, and run screaming through the mall, terrifying the consumers as they buy shit they don’t need and whine about being poor.
I would have it in a great big pile, inside every single sandwich, and on the side of everything I eat, including bacon. Bacon with a side of bacon topped with bacon.
The most beautiful thing about bacon, though, is that it wants me on everything, too.
April 12, 2016
My old dog Duke is really getting old.I’m not sure I can...
My old dog Duke is really getting old.
I’m not sure I can take it. When I adopted him around 3 years ago, I could already see had special needs
Those needs are getting special-er and special-er.
Last year, 2015, I put like $1300 into his teeth, but he is becoming more confused by the month. I know the end is nigh and goddamn.
I have had dogs pretty much my whole life, both in the adult and child hoods, but I have really bonded with Duke. Perhaps it’s cuz he was the first dog I got after my son left home. Empty nest syndrome. A child substitute.
You probably wouldn’t know from looking at me or reading my blog posts, but I am a nurturer, big time. I am practically a milk-bearing breast.
Duke is my baby. I carry him down stairs. I watch to make sure he doesn’t get lost or confused. I carry him back up the stairs.
Jesus Christ this is going to be rough.
The old man said "I don't know any jokes, but I know a few limericks."
I am a collector of jokes. I love them, even bad ones. Especially bad ones. You guys know, right? C'mon, how many times have you groaned at me?
He was a fisherman in the Bering Straight, made bank, and bought land. He’s on his second cabin, also his last. He’s “fixing to die at some point”.
Sooner rather than later:
There once was a man from Nantucket,
whose dick was so long he could suck it.
He said with chagrin,
as he wiped off his chin,
‘If my ear was a butt
I would fuck it.’
I laughed for five minutes, simply because he said “chagrin”.
“What do you do?”
“Nothing,” I said. “Wander. I came here to die, I think.”
“Hey, me too. I escaped from Utah in the 60s. Soon, we’ll both be out of here altogether. Me first, though.”
He winked at me and bought another shot.
rootsrockweirdo:
Merle Haggard at the Lefty Frizzell statue in...
Merle Haggard at the Lefty Frizzell statue in Corsicana, Texas
If there’s any lyric that has really resonated with me these last couple of days, it’s from Merle’s tribute to his hero, Lefty Frizzell – “Goodbye Lefty.” We feel the same about you, Merle.
“But the old, old man is gone,
There’ll be no more Lefty songs
And how much he meant to me nobody knows.”
I am speechless. I am without speech.
I am speechless. I am without speech.
April 11, 2016
I am a mystery, wrapped in an enigma, and covered in secret sauce.
I do thank the few of you who read me, for, you know, actually reading me.
I long for civility, for people who have liberal views and people who have conservative views to not demonize each other. The vast majority of conservative people are not racist, even though they are called that very often, almost daily. The vast majority of liberals are not evil commie fascists, even though it sure seems like it…
;)
But seriously, what if someone disagrees with you? Why can’t so many in this day and age cope with that? Is our self-esteem really that low? How did we all get to be thumb-sucking delicate snowflakes?
I got your safe space right here.
I disagree with probably 90% of what Bernie Sanders says, but I LOVE the guy. He’s genuine. Solid. I believe our country would be fine in his hands, provided Congress stays Republican to put a brake on all the delusionality and wealth-hate. Bernie talks about wealthy people like Trump talks about immigrants. Haha.
Everybody needs their boogeymen.
Trump will never be President. If he gets truly close, he’ll be assassinated. Mark my words. This country wants the people to vote, but it sure as shit doesn’t want them to run it.
