BethAnn Buehler's Blog, page 3

I’m so sad today. So angry. And so appalled that we aren’...

I’m so sad today. So angry. And so appalled that we aren’t further along as a nation. Today we’re remembering something horrific and we’re examining all the angles. The good. The bad. The unjust. The miraculous. The terrifying. The evil. We’re sharing memories and telling our stories from all different sides and guess what, we’re doing it without hurting and unfriending and bullying and villainizing each other!

Yet we’re destroying history and tearing apart this nation, and our families, and our friendships, and so much more, on all the other days. I have no idea why we do it. Is it because we weren’t there? That we can’t truly know because it didn’t happen to us so any opinion might work? Is that it? Might we all just be arm-chair quarterbacks to events in history that we really don’t know that much about? That we really don’t understand yet somehow we’ve formed these huge opinions about so we result to the lowest form of our humanity—unchecked emotion--when someone questions that opinion? Look around you, friends. The machine is on tilt.I think of all days today is a good one to look inside ourselves. Are we really educated about what we profess to defend or did we just read an article, or listen to a podcast, or catch a news blip and grab a sound bite so we could try to have a seat at the table? Did you try to verify what you heard, or saw, or think you learned? Did you examine the other side to broaden your knowledge? I encourage you to remember that no sheet is paper is so thin that it doesn’t have two sides.How about we go for less media and more intellectual study? How about learning about all of the bad days in our history instead of laughing at a few memes of whatever topic is snagging it's fifteen minutes of fame and jumping on the nearest band wagon? How about taking the best, of our history and our people, and working to change the worst? Why, oh why, are we no further along? Think about how you feel today and then think about this. If we don’t change our course, one day someone won’t like an aspect of the events of 9/11 and they’ll erase it from the books. Gone will be any trace and while it will make sense to a few at the time, is that right? One day, there will be no one left alive on this planet who remembers the stories from today. Stories like this one. Did you even know this happened? If you aren’t okay with this being erased one day? If that thought stirs something painful in your chest? Then you need to back up and search for knowledge over a Cliff Notes version of what you think you know about whatever it is you’ve hating on or hanging on to.I’m a historian and while I don’t like much of what I learn about us, that big collective group of humans I study, I love other parts us and as a result, I refuse to re-write us or accept that notion. I want every story, every mistake, every heartbreak, every miracle. I want every horror, every defeat, every victory, and every act of compassion to be known. I want them all. I want them so we can learn from them. I never want to forget our best. I never want to forget our worst. The only way we can truly live is to know and not be afraid of what the knowledge brings. Everyone has a little hero in them so trust me, you can handle the truth. If you can't, don't worry. I'll walk through whatever it is right alongside you. And then you can use that little bit of hero to learn and do better. #NeverReWrite #NeverForget

Just Like That...

And just like that it’s done.The kiddo is in his new house, his home away from home that will serve him well for the next three years, and I’m almost home, if you consider 268 miles almost. I’ve logged over 2000 miles in the driver’s seat this trip, spending precious little time with friends and family but a lot of time with my amazing kiddo, making memories at the speed of light. Memories I’ll look back on over the coming months, as I’m missing him ferociously, and smile.
When the kiddo was little I always used to worry that I’d have to push him out there to take advantage of opportunities, meet friends, and find his tribe, but nothing could be farther from the truth. As I drive away from him my heart is full knowing if anything, I want to pull him back! This Mom gig is the hardest job I’ve ever had. It comes with the worst hours, wagons full of guilt, a fair amount of self-doubt, sleepless nights, a lot of what-if’s, more worry than I everknew I was capable of, and a healthy dose of anxiety. Seriously, if the writers put the truth in theWhat to Expect books, humanity would be in trouble! But this gig is the best job I’ve ever had, too, because seeing your child settled and satisfied, engaged and learning new things, owning their space, and succeeding outweighs the tough things by such a large margin that I don’t even know how to do the math on that type of problem. If you’re the mom of a little, soak it up and don’t wish it away, even when you’re knee-deep in sleepless nights and living rooms that make you look like Lego farmers. I know you think so but I promise you aren’t losing yourself. You’re taking one on the chin (and maybe the waistline!) and paying it forward but you can’t see that now so I need you to trust me on this. If you’re a middle mom, keep driving carpool (and the other 900 activities you manage on a weekly basis), stay on your kids about their homework, help them find good friends, and hug them longer than you should every time they’ll let you. I know you’re tired and you’re juggling A LOT of plates, but I also hope you know how much they need you, even though they’re growling and snarling more than an angry Rottweiler these days. Keep taking one for the team because it’s going to pay off. And college moms, go snag a cup of coffee and listen up. We’ve got this. Even when we find ourselves knee-deep in the worry. Even when we can’t jump in thecar (because they’re too far away!) and take them to lunch so we can just listen because we know what they really need is a strong shoulder and a hug. We can be exactly what our kids need in this season and find ourselves again, too. We can live our best lives while helping them find theirs. I get that these days are hard but these days can still be great. I know this firsthand because I'm living proof. If you ever want talk 

Where is the coffee?

It dawns on me that there are things that happen when you’re working the college mom gig that don’t happen in the empty nest. Like when you have to order coffee at a restaurant for breakfast. Why? Because college kids living on Starbucks don’t typically have coffee pots so you don’t get to enjoy that first cup while you’re getting ready for the day. Gasoline? I can’t tell you the last time I got down to one bar because in my empty nest Atlanta existence, I never let it get one bar low, let alone end up with just one bar to go. A dirty car? In the empty nest my car is washed every week. At present, my ride is so filthy from driving 10+ hours to get to my child, and 10+ hours more running all over town trying to find what he needs for this move, that I’m naming the bugs on the windshield and I’m about to write “Joy” in the dust on the dash and call it progress. Matching bedding? Ha! Last night I slept on the kiddo’s couch with a duvet serving as both a bottom sheet and a blanket. To top it off, I pulled one of his clean T-shirts over a couch pillow and called it even. When the kiddo asked what I was doing, I just laughed because honestly, I was too tired to explain. Lists? I have at least five open on my phone at present instead of the nicely manicured master one I keep in the empty nest. And schedules? Right! We’re eating lunch most days at two and we GrubHubbed Taco Bell last night at eleven. Time management is a myth at this point. So yeah, the college mom gig is crazy but I can’t lie - I love it! That said, I do wish I would’ve brought my own pillow because I’m not 100% certain where this one’s been. #BuehlerLife

Warning Lights...

This weekend I’m embarking on a journey to move our kiddo from his summer place into his house in Bloomington, the place we hope he gets to reside for the rest of his college career. This is our 14th move in less than a year and to say we’re weary of boxes, and packing tape, and storage keys, would be an understatement. But funnier on this journey is the story of car tires. The story of how every time we have a vehicle fully loaded and we’re ready to make a ten plus hour drive, a warning light comes on. If this has ever happened to you, you know it’s not a good feeling when things start flashing while you’re running down the road at seventy miles per hour.  No one wants to drive across town with a warning light on, let alone watch it flash for 600 miles. So here I am in the backseat of a dealer shuttle, making my way to pick up my car just in time to reload and get on the road, setting off to help my birdy fly the nest when all I really want to do is keep him tucked safely in his childhood bed. 
Last night I was inconsolable, spouting off phrases like “I don’t have time for this. I have a schedule to keep.” And my classic, “People are depending on me!” To anyone on the outside looking in, I’m sure it seemed simple enough, I was upset about the inconvenience of a car repair before a trip. But the truth is I’m upset about the stress of another move, about life at college in the time of Covid, about a new housing situation, about saying goodbye yet again. I’m so very sick of saying goodbye. So while my vehicle was warning me about tires yesterday, my heart took me other places. Warning! This is going to be hard. Warning! This is going to hurt. Warning! He’ll want you to leave long before you’re ready to say ‘see you in October. Warning! This may never get easier. In the light of day my perspective has shifted and I’m grateful that I wasn’t somewhere in the middle of nowhere halfway to Indiana when that warning light came on. Grateful that my husband was able to leave work and help me, both with the car and with my heart. That the service manager at the dealership understands this harried mom just doesn’t want to let her kid down. God shows up and uses interesting things these days to slow me down and get my attention. He always meets me right in the middle of my mayhem. Yesterday it was car tires and warning lights and I’m beyond grateful for the reminder that he’s given me just enough sense to see the blessings above the obstacles. #BuehlerLife

Me today...

I knew the empty nest would be partly about finding new challenges and I had some big plans in the works when life threw me a curveball last summer. It was easy to put things on hold but you know what? I still have those plans! 

God has blessed me with several amazing opportunities here in my new hometown and I’m so grateful to have them. He’s also whispered in my ear that I need to pull out that list of plans and get busy growing where I’m planted. So this is me today, repainting a little corner booth in an antique shop near my house where I’ll hang my shingle next week. 

I’ve ALWAYS wanted to do this so here I stand on the edge of a new adventure. It’s a little bit scary, a bunch of hard work, and a whole lot of fun. Good thing I’m ready.  #BabsPlace

365 Days...

First the DAR HQ bldg then the museumOne year ago today my life blew apart. My boys and I were in Washington, DC for DAR Continental Congress and a family vacation. I had a busy day ahead and needed to get going but when I rolled over and looked at my husband before getting out of bed, I knew something was wrong. It was my first Congress and I was so excited to be there. I really didn’t welcome the distraction but I made him tell me. Whatever he was holding onto was too big to let ride. “It’s Atlanta,” he said and I remember rolling the other direction and looking at our son sleeping soundly across the room. Our son who turned down Alabama and Baylor and decided to go to Indiana University so he could be closer to home. We’d just purchased a new boat and were so excited for dinner cruises with friends.  We had a list of people we couldn’t wait to spend time with. We were planning a move now that school districts didn’t matter and were looking at property on the lake. We were planning our marathon anniversary party – 26.2. I’d just been named Regent of my DAR chapter and was surrounded by a group of women I adored. To say I had big plans is an understatement. As it turned out, less than 50 days later my heart stayed behind while the rest of my life moved 600 miles away. Sweet CSH friends at the Indiana Rm.

Continental Congress is bittersweet for me this year because things should be different. I should be home, close to my family and friends, instead of 10 hours away trying to build a new life. But the one thing that isn’t different is DAR. I started researching chapters and sending emails before we moved and the minute I could attend a meeting here in my new hometown, I was there. That was almost a year ago and guess what? Today I find myself surrounded by a group of women I adore. Women who welcomed me with open arms instead of looking at me like a stranger even though that’s exactly what I was. Because of DAR I have friendships and connections and a purpose to help anchor this new life I’m building. #sharemydarcc20  #darcc20

Besties...

Happy Best Friends day to these amazing women in my life!  #BFF

Islay...

It’s habit for me to check my calendar several times a day and it’s beyond odd to watch the plans our family had drift past unfulfilled. I should be in Scotland right now with the hubster. We were going to tour Islay and hit our favorite Scotch distilleries before moving back to the mainland where he’d go to a conference and spend his days talking about biomedical engineering while I tried to nail down my Patterson ancestry at the Genealogy Society in Edinburgh. For now we’re enjoying other adventures around Atlanta and the trip has a new home on the calendar. #PlansChange #FingersCrossed #IsleOfIslay

A New Season...

And just like that our kiddo is safe and sound in his new place in Indy, ready to take on the summer with family and friends. While I miss him like crazy and this house is WAY too quiet without him, I’m not sad. He’s earned this time to create, and take a few summer courses, and stare at the stars a bit. I’m proud that he’s independent and confident. And I'm glad we no longer "own" any storage units (we had four at the height of our move)! #NewSeasonOfLife

Twinning...

This is my mask making partner in crime and sweet friend Christi Opstad. She and I each hit the 1000 masks sewn mark this week as part of the service project work we're doing on behalf of our Daughters of the American Revolution chapter (as part of the larger national DAR project). Christi owns a business, is homeschooling in quarantine, manages her farm and staff and still finds time to sew and make instruction videos. She takes all of the incoming requests for masks and manages distribution like a pro. She's the purveyor of the ribbon and always has a smile on her face and I'm blessed to work alongside her. P.S. She also has great curls and sometimes people get us confused with one another. I can't think of a better person to be confussed with!  #PhiladelphiaWinn1000club  #CurlyGirls