Lani Wendt Young's Blog, page 11

Is it Time to Shut Up?

You know what's scary? Going to a dinner function where you know nobody so you put your brave face on. And then when you're 'mingling' industriously,  you meet one, two, three, four (oh sh**) five different strangers who say - "Yes, I know you. I read your blog!"

Way to put your blathering blithering rants into perspective. When you are face to face with complete strangers who know basically TOO MUCH about you...your Fabulous five children...your fascination with SBW's tattoos...your inclination to drink too much Diet Coke...the excessive number of times you wish you could duct tape your Little Son's mouth shut...your dream about flying off into the sunset with Thor...the time you tried to sell cinnamon rolls at the local market and endured extreme humiliation... You know nothing about them but they know that you told your teenage son's girlfriend "We don't want him to have sex at this age and I really hope you're not a skanky ho'" They know you sometimes wish you could run away from your children. And that you tell lies. 'You are the best dancer ever!' (but really, I got here too late to catch your two second recital. Oops.) Let's face it - I say way too much on this blog. I'm way too open about everything. And half the time, people who know me are probably perpetually worrying that I will blog about them next. And wishing that I would shut up on here. I'm starting to self-censor. Question blog topics. Wonder, 'what if so-and-so reads this?' And that makes blogging decidedly LESS fun.

To be honest, the number of people I meet in random places who are readers of my blog is starting to really really freak me out. Don't get me wrong. I love having people read my blog. It's great motivation to write regularly and blogging helps me to 'think out loud'...vent...and process stuff. It was a huge buzz for me when blog visits topped 18,000 a month. And yeah, it would be a dream come true if one day, thousands more - no make that - MILLIONS of people read my blog. But I want them to be millions of STRANGERS reading my blog. People I will never actually meet in real life.Not people that I bump into at the grocery store. Or stand next to at the buffet table. Or sit next to in church. Which is a problem because I'm Samoan. And I live in the relatively small country of New Zealand. I need to either move to a much bigger country. Or never leave my cave. Or stop blogging.

Is this where I tell you that I'm going to take my blog down? Is that what's going to happen next?

Maybe.

"No, I'm not Dead" and other Announcements

1. Thank you to everyone who entered the Telesa T.shirt giveaway last week. The winners are:
* Joan Harvey, Australia
* Samasoni

Please email me at LaniWendtYoung@hotmail.com with a postal address where your shirts can be sent to.

2. There is another T.Shirt giveaway currently underway via the Telesa Trilogy Fan page on Facebook. Everyone who puts up a book review on Amazon will be in the draw to win one of TWO Telesa t.shirts. Contest closes on Jan 12th.  A similar giveaway is taking place for Smashwords Telesa reviewers, for ONE Telesa t.shirt. Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to write a review thus far. (I love reading them, by the way. Still can't believe people actually want to read my book AND say nice things about it!)

3. I am chasing the deadline for release of the second book in the series, 'When Water Burns.' To make sure it happens, I will be cutting down on blogging so I can focus more on writing, so there may be fewer rants and raves from me on Sleepless in Samoa in the next few weeks. Similar cut downs are taking place on Facebook and Twitter. ( Because I am a compulsive obsessive tweeter and I need help...and we all know the first step to recovery is admitting one has a problem...sigh.) Indeed, my children have threatened to 'lock you in your room all day and not let you out until you hit your word count goal...' (they say it's because they love me and want to help me achieve my writing goals, but I have my doubts. They looked really gleeful when they said it...) So if it gets a little quiet around here, no, I'm not dead.

4. A huge thank you to those who are helping to arrange TELESA launches/book visits in Wellington and Brisbane, Australia in the coming months. I'm looking forward to the opportunity to meet new readers and bloggers that I have only 'met' thus far here on the Net.
  * Wellington - 17th March, 2011. Dept of Pacific Studies, Victoria University. Thank you Teresia Teaiwa and your team.
  * Brisbane, Aust - April. Date TBA. Thank you Daphne Reupena, Alice Burgess and your team. I love the program you have planned that includes visits to high schools, book signings and the chance to meet super awesome Telesa book readers.
If you have suggestions about a Telesa Author visit to your area, I would love to hear from you!

'Im Sexy and I know it'

Good morning 2012,
This year, I will set realistic health and fitness goals. I will not be stupid and say "Im going to lose 40 pounds and have washboard abs that are SO amazing that I will be able to replace Ezra Taylor on the cover of my Telesa book." No. I'm setting goals that can actually be achieved. This year, I will work out on my new fitness machine, the AbCirclePro for 30min every morning and eat enough carrots to qualify me for admission to bunny rabbit sainthood.  See? Totally do-able goals. First weekday of 2012 and I am eager and enthusiastic.
Before using any exercise equipment, it's essential to read the instruction manual.                              Instructions for using the Ab Circle Pro. 1. Lock the door. Essential. (Do you know how dumb you look on the AbCircle Pro? The Hot Man videotaped me working out on it the other day, and it's a horrifying sight.  Nothing like the TV demo ad - which actually looks like an ad for a porn movie with a boosty beautiful Jennifer getting down and happy on her very sexy machine. Liar, liar.)
2. Put on workout gym clothes.  Super flash ones. Because of course everybody knows that color-co-ordination and sporting accessorization is 80% of the fitness battle won.
3.Put on earphones and start the iPod.  Possible sound tracks – 'I'm Sexy and I know it. You've got a big butt and you know it.' 
4. Get on Ab Circle Pro machine.  Begin swinging motion of lower body. Stick out chest like fitness celebrity Jennifer Nicole Lee. Smile.
5. Work that body. Work it, work it. Smile.  Yeah, you can feel that JLo hip movement really starting to burn. You know you've probably lost five pounds already. At least.
6. Swing faster. Because you're sexy and you know it.
This is where the manual is revealed as a piece of useless, misleading crap. Because it's missing this next vital piece of information. 
*Watch out that your knee doesn't slip out of the machine support. Because if it does, you will be dislodged off the AbCirclePro and your knee will slam into the metal leg of the machine base and then onto the wood floor, your body weight will tilt the machine to one side dislodging your sexy self, your face will slam into the central metal piece, and then you will fall on the floor.
Yes, that key point is missing in the instruction manual.  So what happened?
Crash, thump, yelp, agonized scream, semi-muffled curse curse curse words.
I lay there in a crumpled heap on floor. Trying not to cry. Trying not to curse too loud. Trying not to kick the machine because dammnit I got it on 30 day trial and I really want to be able to send the stupid thing back.  Trying to ignore the fiery pain in my left knee.
My children have heard the scream. Or maybe the very loud crash. They are concerned and knocking on the locked door. 'Are you ok?! What happened?'
'Help, I've fallen and I can't get up.' Comes to mind. But they can't help me because the door is locked.  Drag myself over, unlock door. Family pours in with concern, confusion and compassion.  Sade bosses Little Son to bring ice for the knee that is swelling alarmingly. Bella kicks the AbCirclePro  vengefully. 'You bad machine!'  The Princess pats my arm soothingly, 'It's alright Mum. You'll be fine.' Big Son just shakes his head, 'that's what happens when you go too fast on it.' (Remind me to cut him out of my will.)
Two hours later and my knee is swollen in a freakishly frightening fashion. And I haven't eaten any carrots either. Clearly, I will not be doing any more AbCirclePro anytime soon because not only does the knee hurt, but it also can't fit into the knee support. 
I think this is a pain and a disappointment that only donuts can fix.

Vote and be in to Win SIXTEEN different E-books.

Quick Update for Blogger Friends: TELESA is entered in a pretty cool cover art contest over on author Shannon Mayer's blog, Wringing out Words.  Shannon is the author of the Nevermore Series, which totally made me overcome my dislike for all things zombie as she gave a unique and creative twist to a classic love story AND introduced the nevermore drug which makes it possible for people to eat whatever they want and never gain weight. ( I want some of that...)

Shannon's cover art contest features sixteen different books. Voting closes at midnight. There's some fantastic incentive to vote because all participants are entered in the draw to win SIXTEEN different e-books, including Shannon's newest release, Dark Waters. The winning bookcover will be featured on 16 different websites/blogs.

I love the Telesa Amazon cover which was designed by Tirzah, who blogs and designs over at A Clever Whatever.  Thank you Tirzah!

If you would like to vote, please hurry on over to Shannon's blog and check out the 16 stunning covers on offer. Remember, you can vote anonymously, but for your vote to count, you need to leave your email address.
December Book Cover Art Contest

A huge thank you to everyone who's already voted. And huge appreciation to Shannon for organizing the contest which helps all of us find new readers...and helps to showcase some amazing cover designers as well.

Lani

Telesa Reader Photo Hall of Fame - Are you there?

Last day of 2011...and what a year! A huge thank you to all the family, friends, blog followers, tweeps, Facebook team and book readers who have enthusiastically supported my writing efforts this year and helped give my Telesa dreams wings to fly. Three months after its release and Telesa is ranked number one on Amazon's Top Rated Fantasy Romance List and we are now in the second print run of the book here in New Zealand and the Pacific. Huge love for Telesa Readers worldwide! Are you one of them? Send in YOUR photo and be added to the Telesa Team slideshow that will be a regular feature on this blog.
 Malaki Sefo, Jade Leota, Natasha Fabricius, Francois Martel, Samoa
                                Ezra Taylor, the cover model for Daniel, NZ
                             Isabella Rasch, RLS School, Samoa.
         Lylah Tupou in Wellington, peruses her mum Sina's copy.
         Jolivette Ete (former Miss Samoa) and Nathan Keil, Apia.
                          Reenie, USA.
  Leone Samu, Samoa - REALLY getting into the Telesa spirit. Check out her abs!
   Fiona Wendt, Auck. One of very first to get her NZ print copy.
                        Marya shows off her e-copy!
                                 Tupu, NZ keeps her copy close.
Kathy Arp and Kristin Tauiliili were the gatekeepers for LOTS of Telesa books. Samoa.
               NZ MP Su'a William Sio, Auck.
               Aleya Perese, NZ - future Telesa reader!
         Young Telesa readers getting their books signed. Samoa
                       Mr Tiatia, Principal of Ah Mu Academy, Samoa.
Marita Wendt, Plantation House and Fiona Wendt. NZ
Telesa bookmarks, an essential companion for your print copy.
Beautiful readers in Auckland, NZ. 
Members of the Auck Univ of Technology Board of Trustees.
Just had to include this one. (By popular demand.) Ezra Taylor, now signed with Worcester Warriors Rugby Club. England.
Jenn Meredith, (the amazing Kuaback Blogger) from Hawaii.
Classmate from my long ago Younger days, Penelope Tevita and her family.
Taiai, Luke and Morwenna. Samoa
Filoi Vaila'au and Laureen Tia, NZ
We've got our copies!
So do we.
And I'm just happy that people aren't throwing stones at me because of this book! yay...


Happy New Year everyone. May 2012 be a year of exciting challenges, new adventures and LOTS of writing and reading!

              Dare to Dream. Dare to follow your heart no matter how fiery the path may be. 

Samoa Skips a Day - Moving the Dateline

                                                    The sun sets over Apia Harbor.
Samoa will be missing a day this week. Yes, that's right, Samoans will go to sleep on Thursday 29th Dec and BANG they will wake up on Saturday 31st Dec. Friday 30th will be but a fleeting thought. An empty entry page in a journal. A blank square on a calendar. A meandering trail of thoughts...what if's, what could have beens, what might have happened on that elusive Friday?  We Samoan's are kind of rebellious like that, always breaking the rules...

In 2009, Samoa changed from driving on one side of the road to the other. The international media went nuts, especially at the possibility that the Anti-RHD folks would rise up and revolt. Burn down the Parliament building. Bloodthirsty wolves that they are, journalists came to Samoa in droves to capture on camera the chaos that they were SURE would occur as us really dumb Samoans tried driving on a different side of the road for the first time. Sorry but nuthin happened. We woke up, we drove on the other side of the road, we even honked our horns a lot.  End of story. 


In 2010, Samoa adopted Daylight Savings, moving clocks back and forwards an hour. Ooh, the world was breathless. We were Ho hum. Big deal. So what. We changed the clocks, we went back to sleep. Some of us forgot ( guilty as charged) and so the family ate breakfast an hour earlier than the rest of the nation. Life carried on.


Tonight the sirens in Samoa will sound at midnight. Normally reserved for tsunami warnings and other such disastrous events - everybody will say goodbye to the Friday that never was and skip ahead to Saturday. Employers will still have to pay their workers for that missing day but tourists will not be charged for the room they didn't sleep in on the 30th Dec, 2011. Desperate revelers in search of New Year's Eve will be able to welcome 2012 in Apia and then dash to American Samoa on a 45min flight and welcome it all over again. Once again, the international media are going slightly nutty over this  'epic' event. Samoa skipping a day is trending on Twitter and random Samoans are being asked earth-shattering questions like - 'Do you know anybody with a birthday on the missing Friday 30th? How do they feel?...Will there be mass confusion?...what abt computers and cellphones, how will they be adjusted?  How will you adjust?'  Duh, duh, duh. 


Why is the world so befuddled and somewhat appalled by something that seems to be no big deal to most Samoans? Is it because we know that things like time, calendars, and datelines - are arbitrary concepts - man's attempts to exert some control over his environment? Or is it because (according to the stereotypes) we Polynesians take such a laid-back, relaxed approach to just about everything - that half the time we don't even know what day it is anyway? And everybody knows Samoans are late to everything because of the infamous 'Samoan time'... Or maybe its because we know that changing days, clocks and road directions really isn't a big deal. Whether its Friday or Saturday according to some all-knowing calendar in the sky - a day in the life of Samoa, will still be the same. 


The sunrise at Lalomanu beach will still be breathtaking as God touches the sky with light. The Apia roads will still have potholes everywhere because its the rainy season. The hot bread from the Lotopa Mariyon store will still be the bestest bread in the world, especially with a slab of Anchor butter melting on it.  The people trying to go for a run at Tuanaimato will still need to carry  stones because of the psycho dogs. The ramshackle wooden buses will still rock your world with Bob Marley and funky Xmas songs as they rattle past, even though Bob's long dead and Xmas is finished. The mangoes will still be sweet. The lolisaiga will still be deliciously sour. The little boy at the McDonalds drive thru will still pester you to buy car air freshener, ask you for money and when you refuse he will swear at you, Ai'kae!  People walking in front of others will still bow their heads and say tulou. The sashimi at Amanaki Hotel will still be divine. Almost as otherworldly as the faiai eleni in a coconut shell in front of Siaosi's shop. 


Along the drive from the airport, women will still sweep up cut grass with long handled coconut brooms while children cavort in freshwater pools and the young men prepare the saka for dinner.  The village will still come to a standstill at evening lotu time, followed by the nightly dose of  Jackie Chan, the Rock and the very latest movie releases, brought to us by local tv stations oblivious to those trifling things known as film copyright laws. The sun will set on Apia harbor in a humid blanket of black velvet while the hot spots scattered along the shoreline (and breeding in swampland at Fugalei and Vaitele) will light up with the best dance music, the most vivacious dancing and all accompanied by the heaviest consumers of Vailima beer. The clubs will close at 10pm and people will still get their late night dinners from Sunrise  Restaurant- a styrofoam plate leaking with greasy goodness. 


There will still be flying foxes feasting in papaya trees. (and people out to shoot them for a tasty treat even though they're a protected, endangered species.) The moon will still cast her black diamonds on a midnight ocean as another day in Samoa ends. And a new one begins.


Tomorrow, whether it's Friday or Saturday - in all the ways that matter - a day in the life of Samoa, will still be the same.   Always beautiful. Frequently disgustingly hot. Supposedly 'Founded on God.' Sometimes frustrating. Often raucous with laughter. Occasionally angry and stone-throwingly violent. Forever redolent with the richness of aiga, of family, fa'aaloalo respect and tautua service.


Samoa.  


(Can you tell that I miss you?)

Rebellious Samoans - We skip days, change clocks and move datelines!

                                                    The sun sets over Apia Harbor.
Samoa will be missing a day this week. Yes, that's right, Samoans will go to sleep on Thursday 29th Dec and BANG they will wake up on Saturday 31st Dec. Friday 30th will be but a fleeting thought. An empty entry page in a journal. A blank square on a calendar. A meandering trail of thoughts...what if's, what could have beens, what might have happened on that elusive Friday?  We Samoan's are kind of rebellious like that, always breaking the rules...

In 2009, Samoa changed from driving on one side of the road to the other. The international media went nuts, especially at the possibility that the Anti-RHD folks would rise up and revolt. Burn down the Parliament building. Bloodthirsty wolves that they are, journalists came to Samoa in droves to capture on camera the chaos that they were SURE would occur as us really dumb Samoans tried driving on a different side of the road for the first time. Sorry but nuthin happened. We woke up, we drove on the other side of the road, we even honked our horns a lot.  End of story. 


In 2010, Samoa adopted Daylight Savings, moving clocks back and forwards an hour. Ooh, the world was breathless. We were Ho hum. Big deal. So what. We changed the clocks, we went back to sleep. Some of us forgot ( guilty as charged) and so the family ate breakfast an hour earlier than the rest of the nation. Life carried on.


Tonight the sirens in Samoa will sound at midnight. Normally reserved for tsunami warnings and other such disastrous events - everybody will say goodbye to the Friday that never was and skip ahead to Saturday. Employers will still have to pay their workers for that missing day but tourists will not be charged for the room they didn't sleep in on the 30th Dec, 2011. Desperate revelers in search of New Year's Eve will be able to welcome 2012 in Apia and then dash to American Samoa on a 45min flight and welcome it all over again. Once again, the international media are going slightly nutty over this  'epic' event. Samoa skipping a day is trending on Twitter and random Samoans are being asked earth-shattering questions like - 'Do you know anybody with a birthday on the missing Friday 30th? How do they feel?...Will there be mass confusion?...what abt computers and cellphones, how will they be adjusted?  How will you adjust?'  Duh, duh, duh. 


Why is the world so befuddled and somewhat appalled by something that seems to be no big deal to most Samoans? Is it because we know that things like time, calendars, and datelines - are arbitrary concepts - man's attempts to exert some control over his environment? Or is it because (according to the stereotypes) we Polynesians take such a laid-back, relaxed approach to just about everything - that half the time we don't even know what day it is anyway? And everybody knows Samoans are late to everything because of the infamous 'Samoan time'... Or maybe its because we know that changing days, clocks and road directions really isn't a big deal. Whether its Friday or Saturday according to some all-knowing calendar in the sky - a day in the life of Samoa, will still be the same. 


The sunrise at Lalomanu beach will still be breathtaking as God touches the sky with light. The Apia roads will still have potholes everywhere because its the rainy season. The hot bread from the Lotopa Mariyon store will still be the bestest bread in the world, especially with a slab of Anchor butter melting on it.  The people trying to go for a run at Tuanaimato will still need to carry  stones because of the psycho dogs. The ramshackle wooden buses will still rock your world with Bob Marley and funky Xmas songs as they rattle past, even though Bob's long dead and Xmas is finished. The mangoes will still be sweet. The lolisaiga will still be deliciously sour. The little boy at the McDonalds drive thru will still pester you to buy car air freshener, ask you for money and when you refuse he will swear at you, Ai'kae!  People walking in front of others will still bow their heads and say tulou. The sashimi at Amanaki Hotel will still be divine. Almost as otherworldly as the faiai eleni in a coconut shell in front of Siaosi's shop. 


Along the drive from the airport, women will still sweep up cut grass with long handled coconut brooms while children cavort in freshwater pools and the young men prepare the saka for dinner.  The village will still come to a standstill at evening lotu time, followed by the nightly dose of  Jackie Chan, the Rock and the very latest movie releases, brought to us by local tv stations oblivious to those trifling things known as film copyright laws. The sun will set on Apia harbor in a humid blanket of black velvet while the hot spots scattered along the shoreline (and breeding in swampland at Fugalei and Vaitele) will light up with the best dance music, the most vivacious dancing and all accompanied by the heaviest consumers of Vailima beer. The clubs will close at 10pm and people will still get their late night dinners from Sunrise  Restaurant- a styrofoam plate leaking with greasy goodness. 


There will still be flying foxes feasting in papaya trees. (and people out to shoot them for a tasty treat even though they're a protected, endangered species.) The moon will still cast her black diamonds on a midnight ocean as another day in Samoa ends. And a new one begins.


Tomorrow, whether it's Friday or Saturday - in all the ways that matter - a day in the life of Samoa, will still be the same.   Always beautiful. Frequently disgustingly hot. Supposedly 'Founded on God.' Sometimes frustrating. Often raucous with laughter. Occasionally angry and stone-throwingly violent. Forever redolent with the richness of aiga, of family, fa'aaloalo respect and tautua service.


Samoa.  


(Can you tell that I miss you?)

Seductive and magnetic dark attractions...

Big Son's favorite deoderant is something called 'Lynx Chocolate'. I was shopping for Xmas presents and saw an entire set of matching products - a bodywash and cologne. So like a nice mother, I bought him the gift pack. Today I was having a shower when the label of the the Lynx bodywash caught my eye...

Provoke irresistible attraction...a seductive and magnetic scent...dark temptations. Indulge your fantasies!

Excuse me?! It sounds like Satan's Seductive Angels have taken over my bathroom. Hell no. Big Son is sixteen. Aint no way in heck I want him provoking irresistible magnetic responses from anybody. I'm confiscating the Dark Temptations and replacing it with another childhood favorite of his.
Let's all sing together now...I love you. You love me. We're a happy family, with a great big hug and a kiss from me to you! Won't you say you love me too!

I hate being married and having children.

When it's time to get ready to go out. Anywhere where looking nice is required. Dinner. Church. Mall. Movies. Book function.

I don't know about you, but I used to like getting dressed up to go somewhere nice. It took time, thought, planning and some angst, but it was fun. For example, a very long time ago, the Hot Man was still a stranger. Hot but a stranger. He asked me out on a dinner date. It took me two hours to get ready. Not only did I need to shower, pluck, tweeze, wax, style, apply makeup and test run three different shades of lipstick - I also had to prepare two different dinner outfits. Why? Because I didn't know what kind of place he would be taking me for dinner. My little sisters teased "You better not dress up too flash, he's probably taking you to the market for panikeke and a kekepua'a." While I didnt really think he would be taking me to the Fugalei Market for dinner, I also didn't want to be overdressed. What if it were a casual dinner date? So I came up with a plan. I would have two outfits ready with complementary accessories. When the Hot Man arrived, my sister would see how HE was dressed. If he looked formal and flash - then I would put on the little black dress, if not, the skimpy denim skirt and top...He showed up in a silk shirt and dress pants, bearing a single rose, and with reservations at the fanciest restaurant in town. QUICK, put on the dress, quick! Ahhh, the dramas of single life and dating. So frenzied, so frantic, so fun....

Now? I hate getting dressed up to go out. I can't find my brush because Bella took it to style Dora doll's hair. Sade nicked my tweezers and forgot where she put them. My favorite lipstick is a suspicious splodgy mess because somebody 'borrowed' it the last time they were playing dress-up...Big Son is hogging the bathroom and I don't have time to luxuriate in a hot shower. Little Son keeps  coming into my room while I'm trying to re-arrange my hair 3 different ways to ask 'have you seen Bella's scooter?' (Why in heck would I have a child's scooter in my bedroom I ask?) And the Hot Man  is blinded by the eyes of love (and by the eyes of impatience because he's sick to bits of waiting for me to get ready.) So he sits there and makes the most irritating comments of all - 'Why are you changing your dress again? What was wrong with the other one? You're going to straighten your hair now? You do realize that we have ten minutes to make it to church on time, don't you? Do you have to put on makeup? You look fine without it. Now what are you doing?!'  Hello, does he want me to be an ugly, sloppy bag of a wife?!
And then I just want to scream at all of them. Go away and leave me alone !
And what makes it worse? When finally, I'm dressed, we all exit the building to get in the car and then I notice what my children look like. The two teenagers look svelte and refined. And clearly their svelteness prevented them from supervising the wardobe choices of the younger three. Bella has two different socks and shoes on. 'We couldn't find her matching ones and besides, she likes this style much better.'. Nobody has brushed her hair and I'm sure that's a glob of bubblegum stuck in it. Little Son has squeezed himself into his favorite jeans - the ones that he can't zip up all the way and I don't want to look too closely because as usual, he has 'forgotten' to put any underwear on. Surprise. The Princess is looking stunning - in a bewildering array of colors...sequin belt, huge red flower on her head, pink ruffled skirt, orange top, a necklace made of xmas decorations. She is a Cyndi Lauper vision from the eighties

I look at this motley crew of fabulousness in all their glory.

And then I just want to stay home.
    Girls. We just want to have fun. And get dressed without a pack of pestering children interrupting us.

Women - why do we always put ourselves last on the list?

*I make sure my kids eat several servings of fruit and vegetables a day. You can't have a cookie until you eat that banana. No Xbox if you don't have that brocoli.  - But I can't remember the last time I ate a vegetable. Not unless carrot cake counts.


* I am the Enforcer of Bedtime because it's important for children to get a good night's sleep. But if I go to bed at midnght, that counts as 'early' for me. If I get five hours of sleep a night, I count myself lucky. I am perpetually tired.

* I chase children outside "for fresh air and exercise" on a daily basis. Turn off that TV and go play/run around the block/weed the garden/jump on the trampoline... They need to move and groove to be healthy. But too many times, I will cancel my run/water walking/gym visit because I HAVE to cook dinner / supervise homework / clean the kitchen or even rearrange throw cushions on the sofa.A zillion other things take precedence over me getting 'fresh air and exercise'. Most of those things involve house and family. Contrast this with the Hot Man. He can get up and go for an hour long run even though the house is a mess, there's no food cooked and the laundry is piled up to the ceiling. Is it because he's 'lazy and doesn't care' about the housework? OR is it because, as he so frequently reminds me - 'your health is more important than dirty dishes. The children and the house are fine. Forget all this and just GO FOR A RUN.'

Which begs the question - why am I so good at taking care of my children, and so rotten at taking care of myself?

As women, we are often raised/taught to be the nurturers. The caregivers. The multi-tasking, multi-talented organizers of homes and families, not to mention workplaces, church groups and community organizations. On the list of priorities, we often place ourselves last. After partners, children, extended family and even pets, dishes, and an unscrubbed bathtub. Otherwise we feel guilty, like we are selfish creatures. The problem with this is that eventually, our bodies, minds and souls suffer. We are run-down, stressed out, overworked, out of breath, and what's worse - we are seething with resentment as we brood upon all 'all the sacrifices I'm making for this family/job/partner /church /goldfish'. When I'm exhausted and none of my clothes fit because I haven't worked out in months - yes I hate myself. But I'm also angry at my children - for 'making me' fat in the first place with all the demands they place on my time. And annoyed with the Hot Man because he can go running oblivious to mess while I can't. (and of course he's the one who gave me all these kids in the first place...I used to rock with the body of a supermodel dammnit! Before these children destroyed it.) Yes, that's right - it's everyone else's fault that I put them first on the list. Totally.

You want to know the crazy thing though? My husband and my children WANT me to exercise, sleep more and eat better. They WANT me to go watch a movie instead of cleaning out the pantry. Relax with a book instead of re-arranging their drawers. 'Mum, did you go to the pool today? I think you should go now. Mum, what time did you go to sleep last night? Why don't you go have a nap? We'll take care of things...' Why? They want me to bump myself further up on the Priorities List because when I am rested, energized, and fit - I am a happier, nicer woman. They love me and want me to be happy.

So why can't I love myself enough to want the same thing?

Enough. This madness has got to stop. My gift to myself this Christmas is the gift of "selfishness". Of love. I will love myself enough to start taking better care of me . More sleep. More 'fresh air and exercise'. More balanced and regular meals.More down-time. I will re-arrange my list of priorities so that it better reflects how much my family loves me. And how much I need to love myself.

It starts now. The place is a mess with post-Xmas debris. Who knows what they will eat for dinner? But me? I'm going to have a nap. And when I wake up, I might go out and join Bella on the trampoline.

How about you? Where are you on YOUR list of priorities?