Jamie Greening's Blog, page 13

The Secrets of Dumbledore: A Review

There are moments when this movie reminded me of Oceans Eleven — the plot is super duper thin, and ridiculous, but the whole point is to have beautiful people wearing really nice clothes in a great setting and location

I feel like most of Dumbledore’s secrets were let out in the original Harry Potter books. I mean, he was a man of secrets, which is what made him interesting. He conspired with Snape to entrap Voldemort. That’s a big secret. He set up Harry as the sacrificial offering. That is a big secret. We already knew about him and Grindelwald. We already knew from the other two unfortunate Beasts movies that Credence was a Dumbledore.

Not a lot of secrets left. Reminds me of Victoria, she doesn’t have any secrets left either because she never wears clothes. But that is a different critique.

That is one of two negative aspects of this film — there were no surprises. There was no compelling narrative force for this film. In that regard, it reminded me a lot of The Rise of Skywalker, they just put it out there to be done with it. No original ideas, no real loose ends, no compelling end-all confrontation.

The second critique is the the writing for this movie was atrocious. I say this so often now, but seriously, Hollywood, come talk to me. Buy me a skinny cinnamon dulce latte or a couple of breakfast tacos and I’ll give you tons of ideas and some biting dialogue to boot. The worst offense in the writing, IMHO, is the serious lack of transitional dialogue. The movie jumps from scene to scene without any kind of reason. Why is he being arrested? How does this election work? Why are they meeting on a train? Why does Dumbledore give that guy a wand? The characters also don’t interact very well. There are two main characters in this little series, Newt and Dumbledore, and their interactions are stiff and compulsory. In fact, they are so bad I wondered if there was some kind of restraining order between the two actors — Jude Law and Eddie Redmayne — and they had to film in separate shifts and use a green screen.

But let’s use that to jump to a couple of positives about the story. The acting was very good. The aforementioned stiffness was not the fault of the actors, it was totally on the script. But there is some wonderful acting in here. Dan Fogler, in my opinion, is far under utilized. He makes no logical sense as a muggle in the film, but he is fun to watch. Jude Law is very believable as Dumbledore, and Mads Mikkelsen is a great Grindelwald, even though the reasons for Johnny Depp’s departure from the franchise is completely bogus, it is an upgrade. Mikkelsen is born to play bad guys — my favorite turn for him is as the villain in Casino Royale. So good. Jessica William was a pleasant addition, but again, the script shackled her. But let’s talk about the biggest problem for this movie: TINA is AWOL?

The only character in this iteration of the Harry Potter world I really enjoyed seeing on screen was that of Tina, played by Katherine Waterston. She is practically non-existent, and the film suffers for it.

But again the acting was solid. So too were the visuals. It was a lovely movie. There was an elegance to the dress, the feel, the aesthetics that were nice. In this regard the movie had a dignity which elevated it. It felt like they’d taken some cues from Downton Abbey. However, even here there is some criticism. The one thing fans would have really wanted to see was more of the one place we really care about: Hogwarts. All we really get are outside shots or single room scenes. We’ve got to find a way of seeing these people in Hogwarts. Why can’t we see Dumbledore actually teaching a class instead of the ‘can you cover my class for me?’ nonsense. Again, this is a failure of script.

Now, let’s talk about issues related to this movie. There are many, but let’s do three.

First, there is the homosexual affair between Dumbledore and Grindelwald. This is not news, as it has been known since the books. I mean, anyone who didn’t get that from the books just didn’t want to. There was nothing torrid in the movie — no scenes of them in bed together, or even kissing to my knowledge, but the movie does lean into the relationship in a very heavy way. It doesn’t skirt it. As a Christian pastor who takes the Bible seriously, this is something I can’t condone as a relational choice, but as a reflection of humanity it is pretty accurate. Parents with young children may find this confusing to them, but with older children it might be a good chance to talk about these issues, because believe me, if you don’t, someone else will. Dumbledore, and his character, reflect perfectly what I have observed — most families have an uncle or an aunt who never married but had a ‘roommate’ or who never married and it was never talked about, not during my earlier years at least, but people knew. That is the way I feel this reflection of a relationship from the 1930s looks in both the muggle world and the wizarding world. The world seems different now. There are not any more or fewer homosexual people than there ever have been. What is different is there is less incentive to hide it or use euphemisms. Second, this film tries very, very hard to turn Grindelwald into a Donald Trump caricature. A person doesn’t have to look very hard to see such themes as election claims, criminal investigations, bullying, and manipulation of media. Indeed, electioneering is really the plot of the whole film. The Donald Trump tie is made more overt in the timeline — I believe these events take place in 1932, the very year Hitler came to power in Germany, which is where most of the movie takes place. Because it is so clear, the movie fails to do any meaningful social commentary other than virtue signally. Again, the script is sloppy in this regard. Nuance is so much better with things like this. I am all in favor of political commentary in art – left and right – I just would like for it to be done a little better.Third, you can’t talk about a Harry Potter film without the incredibly uproarious controversies surrounding J.K. Rowling. Her ongoing offensive in favor of women against transgendered men is a singular act of bravery. I fully stand with her on this issue. Her politics on this will have an impact on the box office of this movie because younger people have written her off in their over-a-cliff desire to affirm just about everything without logically thinking things through. Who knows how it will stand in the future or will wash out, but I suspect Warner Brothers was contractually required to keep her on, otherwise there is no way Hollywood would have touched her. She is as forbidden as Voldemort was. Which is irony, considering the hoorays she had for creating Dumbledore as a gay man. Curious.

A few miscellaneous things. I watched this with the youngest sprout. She wasn’t impressed with Dumbledore’s beard — Jude Law’s beard — in the film. I told her to attack any man’s beard is to attack every man’s beard. I actually think Law’s beard looked awesome — and I mean that in the most heterosexual way possible — and reminds us Dumbledore didn’t always have the flowing white shock of hair and the eccentric beard that I someday hope to have.

The best scene in the movie is the dungeon scene with the lobster scorpion creatures. They look like what I imagine the lobstrosities on the Western Sea that afflicted Roland in the Stephen King Dark Tower novels. The most powerful scene is the very first one, of Dumbledore and Grindelwald in the restaurant.

They left it open for more — in several different ways — but I hope they euthanized this thing for a while. Do a Star Trek with it — let it lie for a while, give it some fresh blood later, try out a Netflix TV show or Paramount or something, and try to start over with something new — a period piece in the 50s around McGonagall maybe on assignment in Ecuador or India, Hagrid’s childhood, or maybe even — something contemporary that isn’t about Harry Potter or his family — but a student at Hogwarts discovers a trinket or emblem or something. Then there is the never ending possibilities of Neville Longbottom. I’m just saying — freshen it up a bit.

One more thing (and this is a late edit after the original posting because I thought of it while cooking dinner). I have completely given up on trying to figure out when these people wear he robes and when they don’t. In the books, the original books, it was pretty much assumed that was all they wore. Now, in the films, it seems like just clothes–and very fashionable clothing at that. But I don’t think there was a single wizard’s robe in this whole movie. Tsk Tsk.

This is not a bad movie. it is not a great movie either. It is better than the Crimes of Grindelwald, and probably about even with Fantastic Beasts except the first Beasts had a better script that was delightful all by itself. In other words, enter at your own risk, and don’t expect much.

Passover Death Fondue

Joe Shaw brings us home tonight with the last of our Easter stories for the Fondue Writer’s Club. His story reminds us that death comes for all of us, and this year the beginning of Passover coincided with Good Friday.

My favorite part of the story was the little shout out he gave to our podcast — “Under The Water Tower”. He worked real hard to get that in there, and I appreciate it.

Click on the Bengal football player to read “A Passover for Maxwell Bennett” by Joseph Shaw, and remember to go to church tomorrow and worship the risen Lord.

Children of the Fondue

It has been a while since Joseph Courtemanche has written a Fondue story, but he is back today with a little story that is, well, classic Courtemanche. I think you’ll like it, or at least get angry with it. You will not be indifferent, that is for sure.

We finish up our Easter themed stories on Good Friday (April 15) With Joe Shaw. Click on the very center of the dryer opening below to read “The Big Box Store”. A note of caution: don’t be alarmed by the of a gun on top of a book (I used to think it was a Bible, but now I’m wondering…The side script looks Arabic?) when you hyperlink over to his page, ‘Commotion in the Pews’. It makes sense if you know Joseph.

Ye gods, Fondue

Rob Cely is the resident maker of myths and legends for the Fondue Writers. For his Easter story, he takes us back to one of the original stories in the Hebrew Bible and dresses it up a bit. You have to squint hard to see the stuff of resurrection and atonement, but it is in there, and it is incredibly well done.

And thoughtful.

I especially like the “apps” in his story.

Click on Zeus’ curly hair to read “In the Council of the Gods”.

Grace Fondue

When I started reading Kathy’s story this morning, my first thought was ‘this woman named Grace has none.’ But as the story wound through, I saw the beautiful sermon Kathy has written us, for all of us have felt, in one way or another, just like Grace does in this story, and all of us likewise have received the grace she was shown.

Click on the image of the pew being cleaned below to read her story, ‘Amazing Grace’. You’ll be glad you did. The Fondue Writer’s Club will be back next week with more Easter themed stories for your enjoyment.

https://kathykexel.wordpress.com/2022/03/28/amazing-grace/

Okinawa Fondue

Paul Bennett is the military historian in residence at the Fondue Writer’s Club. It is a prestigious honor that comes with a lifetime supply of synonyms for fight and shoot.

For today’s Easter story, he has written us a snapshot from World War II on the Island of Okinawa. It is very heart tugging story that has all you need for a good Easter story — It is set on Easter Sunday. There is chocolate. There are children. Death as in the air. But Death doesn’t win. Oh, and artillery. Don’t forget that. No Easter story is complete without artillery.

I think you’ll enjoy this quick three to five minute read. Click on the image of the G.I. (which I clearly lifted from someone named Alamy) in the picture below to read ‘Easter On Okinawa’.

Fondue Easter Nightmare

The Fondue Writers Club is a nationwide movement of writers committed to providing you with quality entertainment, free of charge, just when you need it most.

Okay, there are only about seven of us and the quality might be dubious, but for our sixes of readers, we deliver!

It is my turn to go first for the Easter stories this year. I normally write for fun and playful for the Fondue Writers and save my serious thoughts for sermons or novels or angry Tweets in the early morning. Yet, this one has an underlying theological argument I am making. Let the reader understand.

And that is all I’ll say about it. I hope you enjoy ‘Caramel Hill’. We’ll back on Wednesday for Paul Bennett’s story.

Caramel Hill

Jamie D. Greening

            ‘Get up,’ she said. ‘It’s time to get up.’ She shook his shoulder to rouse him. He did not move. She pulled on the big toe that stuck out from the covers. ‘Come on sleepyhead, you don’t want to miss your first Easter Rabbit.’ 

            It was the words ‘Easter Rabbit’ that got eight-year-old Sebastian out of bed. The stone floor was cold when his feet touched it, and he retracted back into bed. His mother came back and said, ‘Come on now. Your father and big sister have already been up for an hour preparing. It is time for you to get moving.’ 

            Most of his preparations had been made the night before, so he knew exactly what to do in the pre-dawn hours of this special Sunday morning. He brushed his teeth in the basin and washed his face. The water felt extra-cold, as winter was having a hard time giving way to spring this year. He wet his head and combed his thick hair. Then he put on the suit of clothes laid out for him. These were not normal clothes. His grandmother had made them from fabric passed down for at least three generations. It was a mismatch of purple and yellow paisley pants and a red pinstriped suitcoat. The shirt was purple, as all the men would be wearing purple shirts today. The shoes were brown, and he hated them. They made his feet hurt. His father called them ‘dressly’ shoes and told him not to worry. He only had to wear them on Easter Rabbit Day in the springtime and at the Santa Claus Festival in the winter and maybe at a wedding or funeral. But the funeral, his father said, was negotiable. It all depended on who died. 

            It was still dark outside when he came out of the bathroom shiny and clean. 

            His father pulled him close and put a pre-tied black necktie around his neck and tucked it under his collar before he tightened it far too tight for Sebastian’s comfort. 

            Sebastian loosened it immediately to keep from choking and coughing. For some reason, this made his mother and father laugh.

            His sister, Margarita, whom they all called Rita, was in charge of carrying the offerings. It was her duty as the oldest sibling. Mother carried the food, which was biscuits, sausage, and hardboiled eggs. Father’s job was to carry the wooden cross.

            Sebastian’s only job was to follow behind the family. This task was not easy because it was dark and there were patches of ice from the previous days rain that had frozen in places.

            Father looked at his family as he hugged the cross. ‘Oh Great Rabbit, we thank you for the gifts of the earth and the changing of the seasons – for winter’s frosty reminder of rest and for spring’s promise of renewal. We remember all those who have gone before us and ask that you help them find their way from the tomb to heaven. In Jesus’ name. Amen.’ He crossed himself with the tip of the cross, then took his place at the head of the process and led his family out of their farmhouse and onto the pitch-black road for the two and a half mile walk through town and up to Caramel Hill. 

***

            As this was Sebastian’s first Easter Rabbit Day, and he was full of questions, as most eight-year-old boys are. ‘Father, why do you carry the cross?’

            ‘My father carried the cross when I was a little boy. His father carried it before him, and you will carry it when you have your own family.’

            ‘I understand that, but why? What is the purpose of the cross?’

            ‘Look at that,’ mother said. ‘Our boy is a theologian. Maybe he’ll go into the priesthood.’

            ‘I can think of nothing finer in all the world than for our boy to be a grand bishop. Think of that mother, our son administering justice and law?’ 

            Sebastian’s mother beamed with pride at the thought. In the darkness, no one could see Rita’s eyes roll. Sebastian, however, would not be deterred. ‘But that doesn’t answer why the cross?’

            ‘Well, son, the way it was told to me, is long ago, before The Conflagration and then the hundreds of wars that followed, way before that, The Great Rabbit decided to bless the world. A man named Jesus was chosen by The Great Rabbit and the Sacred Wind to build a cross that would connect the four corners of the world – north, south, east, and west. Of course, the world is so big and grand it took a mighty big cross. That cross was so big they took pieces of it and built a lot of crosses all over the world as a memorial to that first one.’

            ‘Is our cross made of pieces of Jesus’ cross?’

            ‘Sure is. My grandfather told me himself.’

            ‘But how did the cross work? Did people walk on the cross to safety? I don’t understand why? or How? What was so special about Jesus that The Great Rabbit chose him? Why is this day different from all the other days?’

            ‘No, people didn’t walk on the cross. The Great Rabbit killed the man Jesus on the cross to show us how much The Great Rabbit hates our wrong doings. And that is the whole point of the Easter Rabbit Day. We go and make atonement for our many wrong doings by appeasing The Great Rabbit every year. If we fail to do so, the priests tell us that at the end of all things The Great Rabbit will kill us on a cross of our own design.’

            ‘Is The Easter Rabbit the same thing as the The Great Rabbit?’ Sebastian was very confused. Maybe theology wasn’t his thing after all. 

            ‘In a way,’ his mother said. ‘Every village or town has its own Easter Rabbit they gather around every year. The priests for that village keep him cared for and protect him from the mice and other creatures. It is designed to make us remember The Great Rabbit. That is one of the things Jesus said for people to do, was to remember. This is the way we remember.’

            His father continued. ‘Long ago, before The Conflagration, we knew a lot more about The Great Rabbit and the man Jesus. But we lost all the books when we put the world back together. Our priests cobbled together what we know and have shown us the way to appease The Great Rabbit.’ 

            ‘Is it true,’ Sebastian again tugged at his collar as he spoke, ‘there is an egg hunt after breakfast? What is that about?’

            Rita jumped in to answer, ‘I know this one. I learned the reason last year at Easter Rabbit Day. The priests hide the eggs then we have to find them – it’s not hard because they are colored – we have to hunt them to remind us The Great Rabbit will hunt down and kill on a cross everyone who doesn’t make offerings to him.’

            Their father said, ‘That is a perfect answer, Rita.’ 

            ‘I found the second most eggs of anyone last year,’ Rita continued. ‘Only Jacob Snodgrass found more eggs than I did, which made me mad because the kid who finds the most eggs gets a piece of th—’

            ‘Hush your mouth, Margarita! You know that is one of the secrets. Sebastian will learn these things in due time just like you did, just like I did, and just like all those who came before and come after us will.’

            The road came to a fork, which Sebastian’s father had warned them of, and at that same juncture they encountered other pilgrims.

            ‘Ah, it’s the Brady bunch,’ Sebastian’s mother said. ‘The egg is boiled,’ she said.

            All eight members of the Brady family responded with the age-old response, ‘The egg is hidden.’

            Then Sebastian and his family replied with the ancient liturgy: ‘Indeed, the egg is boiled and hidden.” 

            The two families walked on in silence the short distance to the top of Caramel Hill.

***

            Sebastian’s father was wise and had timed their arrival right on time. Darkness was giving way to a glow and from the east the sun was about to burst over the valley below. He saw his friend, Robert, another eight-year-old boy for whom this was his first Easter Rabbit Day as they entered the crowd. His mother disappeared for a moment to go place the breakfast food with the other women who brought their dishes. The food was all placed on tables which had been brought by the priests the day before. Everyone had brought their very best Easter Rabbit day dishes. Most of them consisted of variations on eggs. There were trays of boiled eggs, scrambled eggs, fried eggs, and egg hash. Mrs. Haversham had brought her famous bacon omelet and a puffy pastry she called a crescent. Old Mrs. Smithwyck provided glass jars filled with strawberry jams from her farmland and fig preserves from her fig trees. The legend she told was that her great-great grandmother had received a splinter from the original cross of Jesus and put it in the ground on the Friday before Easter Rabbit Day and at sunrise twelve fig trees grew out of the ground to full maturity and were filled with ripe figs. Mrs. Gentile slaughtered two hogs in the winter and brought cured sausage, ham, and bacon. 

            ‘Hey Robert,’ Sebastian said.

            Robert, trying to impress his friend with his spirituality, said, ‘The egg is boiled.’

            Sebastian rubbed his cold hands together and blew warm air from his mouth into them then stuck them into the pockets of his coat which covered his multi-colored attire. He shrugged his shoulders and said, ‘Yeah, yeah, this is neat, isn’t it?’  

            Robert was confused by this lack of formality, and then repeated the rest of the refrain himself, ‘The egg is hidden. Indeed, the egg is boiled and hidden’ and then, and only then, did he say, ‘Neat indeed. This is way more fun than cleaning the poop out of the barn before breakfast.’ 

            ‘My thoughts exactly,’ Sebastian said. ‘Did your father talk to you about Jesus and the cross and how The Great Rabbit killed him?’

            ‘Sure did. Scared me to death. I’m afraid to die on a cross of my own design. I’ll do whatever The Great Rabbit wants.’  

            ‘Apparently he wants the offerings,’ Sebastian said. ‘What I can’t figure out is why. None of this makes a whole lot of sense. I mean it is fun and all, but it doesn’t make any sense.’

            ‘Shhhhh.’ Robert put his hand over Sebastian’s mouth. ‘Someone will hear you.’

            ‘Someone did, you did.’

            ‘What if The Great Rabbit hears you?’

            ‘If the priests have to protect him from mice the rest of year, I don’t think he is much of a threat to me.’

            Robert’s eyes were so big they glowed in the predawn shadows. ‘We will have to talk about this tomorrow when we are at work.’

            ‘It just seems to me,’ Sebastian said, ‘that none of this makes any sense. How is it that a rabbit, of all the animals in the world, is somehow the creator of everything. I don’t get why he is so mad at us that he would hunt us down and hang us on a giant cross. It just all feels kind of made up to me, like the stories Grandpa used to tell me before he died about the ghost that he said lived in the cellar. He said his name was Frederick and that he came out at night and tried to eat all the pickles we’d put away. Grandpa knew I loved the pickles, so he told me the only way to keep the ghost from eating the pickles was to leave fruit, or a nut, or sweet bread when we have it in Grandpa’s room. Turns out, there is no ghost. Grandpa just wanted me to bring him a snack every night, and he got away with it too, for almost a month. He was always doing that kind of thing to me and anyone else who would fall for it. He was a hoot and I miss him, but he was really good at making up stories to get you to do something he wanted done. ’   

            Robert’s mother came and took him by the hand and led him to the family. 

            The sound of a beating drum began to beat in a slow rhythm.

            Friendly conversation came to a halt as the twenty-seven families gathered in close to the statue of The Great Rabbit on top of Caramel Hill.

***

            The drumbeats grew faster and faster.

            At the precise moment the first rays of sunlight poked across the heavens, the drums became silent. A trumpet blew. 

            Sebastian and the other young children had moved toward the front of the crowd to see. The seven priests were assembled in their ceremonial gowns around the statue, three on each side and the bishop in front. The priests on the side wore purple dresses that flowed from their neck to their feet. Within the purple were pastel splashes of yellow, pink, and green. On their heads were hats that looked like eggs. The bishop wore a solid white dress and a golden scarf. On his head were rabbit ears.

            The bishop shouted, ‘Hallelujah.’  The crowd answered with an enthusiastic, ‘Hallelujah.’

            He began the invocation. ‘On this sunrise we remembered the great sacrifice. As the sun comes from The Sacred East, we celebrate The Easter Rabbit and the miracle of life and death. All life comes from The Great Rabbit’s divine egg, and even though we die, we are entombed within the shell of his goodness and spared from his wrath. This morning we gather as a faithful community in the name of the blessed trinity.        In the name of The Cadbury. In the name of The Cottontail. In the name of The Champagne Brunch.’

            Everyone assembled responded with, ‘Amen.’ 

            Sebastian tasted the anticipation in the air. He’d never imagined anything like this in his wildest dreams. 

            The six priests behind the bishop each lifted torches into the air which the bishop lit. 

            ‘The Sun burns from the east to the west every day and from the north to the south throughout the seasons of the year, illuminating the world with the remembrance of the cross of Jesus for everyone to observe. It is through this fire that all life which comes from The Great Egg which The Great Rabbit has laid across the universe. It is into this fire which our sacrifice of thanksgiving burns.’

            The priests then simultaneous lit a pit filled with wood that Sebastian heretofore had not even noticed. It was in front of the statue of The Great Rabbit, and it blazed high into the air. It was then that Sebastian noticed the grotesque smile on the face of the statue. He began to think maybe his friend Robert was right, and he should be afraid of this creature. 

            ‘Now,’ The bishop started again, ‘the time has come for all of you to make your sacrifices before The Great Rabbit.’ 

            Rita knew this was her cue. She opened the bag she’d dutifully carried and gave her father, her mother, and her brother each the offering. It was a chocolate bunny rabbit. Sebastian was so shocked by this he shouted aloud, ‘What?’ Heads turned toward him, and he felt the embarrassment of his lack of sophistication. He lowered his voice and said, ‘What is this? You didn’t tell me about chocolate?’

            ‘It is not permitted to speak of it. It is one of the secrets.’ His father smiled at his son. ‘Just do as we do, and all will be fine.’ 

            ‘What does it mean?’

            ‘Stop asking questions, Sebastian. Just follow along. Soon this will be over then we can enjoy breakfast with our neighbors.’

            The drumbeats started again. 

            Families began to make their way to the fire pit and Sebastian saw their oblation. Each person broke the bunny in half. Some people had large chocolate bunnies. Others had smaller ones. His, and his families, were about five inches in length. At the fire pit, they threw the top half with the head and face into the fire, and the other they put in a basket on the ground beside the bishop.

            ‘What happens to the chocolate in the basket?’ he asked. 

            ‘That goes to the priests.’ His mother answered and then she put her finger over her mouth to silence any more questions. 

            Soon the smell of roasting chocolate filled the air.

            When his father began to move toward the pit, the three others followed. Father broke his and threw the head into the fire and the bottom into the basket. His mother and Rita followed in order. Sebastian paused and took in the scene. He looked right into the eyes of the bishop. The bishop smiled at him and whispered, ‘Go ahead, my child. Make your sacrifice.’ 

            Sebastian broke his bunny, but he threw the bottom into the fire and the head into the basket. 

            The bishop frowned.

            Sebastian smiled. 

            Soon everyone fulfilled their duty to The Great Rabbit. Sebastian thought it was over and was already thinking about the fig preserves Rita had told him about. The bishop, however, was not finished.

            ‘As has been done from time immemorial, we now bring the atoning sacrifice before The Great Rabbit in atonement for our many sins.’

            Sebastian had forgotten about the other six priests, and in the time of chocolate offering, they had disappeared. Now they reappeared, each one carrying snow white rabbits in their arms. They approached the great fire pit.

            The sun was fully risen, and Sebastian could see the terror in the eyes of the rabbit and the violence in the eyes of the shaman. 

            The first priest held the rabbit by its feet and said, ‘slain from the foundation of the world,’ and with a knife he slit the rabbit from top to bottom. Then he opened it up and sprinkled its blood onto the fire. He then threw the bunny into the flames.

            The other five priests repeated the same action. 

            Blood flowed on top of Caramel Hill.

***

            A peal of thunder broke across the clear skies. 

            Lightening flashed.

            A new figure arrived at the top of the hill. He was wrapped in buckskin and carried a large staff. He worked his way through the crowd and stood directly before the bishop.

            Another roar of thunder.

            Lightening.

            ‘Idolaters!’ he screamed. ‘Heretics!’

            Sebastian shivered. He did not know what those words meant, but he could feel the confrontation. ‘Who is that?’ he asked his mother. 

            ‘A Paulite. No one knows his name or where he came from.’ 

            The bishop stood defiant before the stranger. ‘Why do you trouble us with your backward ways? Why do you bother us as we worship the circle of life, the sun, and the never-ending life cycle of the eternal egg given by The Great Rabbit?’

            The man in buckskin spat on the statue. 

            ‘There is no such thing as a great rabbit. That is the amusement your fathers and mothers invented long ago to replace the truth. You have committed the syncretic sin of blending fairy tales with the truth and thus produced an even great abomination, a false religion that has a form of godliness yet is meaningless. I have come to deliver to you the truth.’

            The bishop’s face flared red in the morning sunlight, ‘What do you know of the truth?’

            ‘Fifty years ago, we recovered the book. The real authority from the One True God. It was found buried under rubble from the bombings and fires of the Conflagration. Now that we know what we are looking for, we have found copies of it all over the place as well as some books written about how to understand it. We are in a new time, and God has seen fit to bless us with truth. God has winked at your sin up until now because you didn’t know any better, but here, in this age, we have found the true word and I attest to you there is not a single mention in it of The Great Rabbit.’

            ‘How do you know?’ someone from the crowd asked. It didn’t sound to Sebastian like a challenge as much as a legitimate question. He found that he too wanted to know the answer. It felt like the Paulite knew that, and so he turned from the bishop and began to address the crowd.’            ‘Because I read the book. I have studied it thoroughly. There is no Great Rabbit, no Easter Rabbit, and no eggs. However, you will be relieved to know there is Jesus. Jesus was the son of God, the one true God, who died on a cross. That part of what you believe is true. But it was not because The Great Rabbit killed him, it was because religious people and corrupt leaders killed him. By his death, though, God reconciled the world to himself.’

            ‘What does that mean?’ Sebastian’s father asked. ‘Reconciled?’

            ‘To be honest, we are still working on that one. Our smartest people believe it is about the ability to be forgiven for our wrongdoings without having to kill rabbits or build fires to burn chocolate. It is peace. Peace with each other. Peace with yourself. Peace with God. Jesus has already shed the only blood that must be shed.’

            ‘You are out of your mind,’ The bishop said. ‘If you don’t leave here immediately, I will arrest you for disturbing our religious assembly.’

            ‘I am not leaving,’ The Paulite said, ‘I am determined to deliver to you the whole truth. This Jesus died but he rose from the dead on the third day. That is what Easter is all about. He is alive and not dead and because of that, you and I can have life. But you can’t have it if you continue to worship this abomination. You have exchanged the gift of The One True God for trinkets and breakfast food and vain rituals. The time has come to put away your transgressions.’

            The bishop brought the six priests around him. ‘Your show is over. Arrest him.’

            They moved toward him, but he stretched out the wooden staff and prayed, ‘Lord Jesus, show yourself mighty and powerful as in the days of Peter and Paul and the prophets of old.’ 

            The skies thundered.

            The bishop forced a manufactured bravado, a laugh that didn’t fit the moment. ‘See, The Great Rabbit is thundering against you. You have aroused the wrath of The Rabbit. He will smite you with The Cottontail and hang you on a cross of your own design.’

            As with one who suddenly understands something, The Paulite prayed again, ‘Lord, hold this not against them,’ but before the prayer was finished the sky roared with thunder and lightening came down from the sky and struck the bishop and the six priests. The air was electric with the crisp ozone. The crowd gasped, but they didn’t have time to speak or move, for another lightning bolt, but one that looked more like fire, came down and consumed the statue of the rabbit and the pit of burning chocolate and slaughtered bunnies. Nothing was left. It was as though they had been evaporated and all that remained was the charred earth. 

            Again, the crowd gasped, but another bolt descended, and it did the same to the table of breakfast food. The fig preserves, the bacon, the eggs, the fancy bread were all gone as well as the table. 

            The loudest thunder Sebastian would ever hear in his life rolled across the earth. It sounded like it came from above and below. It lasted thirty minutes, and the crowd stood there motionless.

            Sebastian smiled. 

            At the last peal, rain fell atop Caramel Hill. 

Oscar Predictions 2022

These, In My Opinion, Are Three Winners

Thanks to the nearly extra month we had in watching films this year, I have seen almost all of the nominated films.

Before I begin, I’ll say this years crop of movies is not as good as last year. I don’t know if it is the COVID-19 effect, the dumbing down of movies because of streaming, or if there is a legitimate crisis in brain power in Hollywood but the movies as a whole just aren’t as good.

Then again, it could be that last year was just a year that particularly spoke to me. I tell you, Minari is still in my head.

Now, let’s jump in. Be advised, I will spend more time on the best picture category because that is the most fun. I skip the categories I know nothing about (like Short Film (Live Action).

Best Picture

The nominees are Belfast, Coda, Don’t Look Up, Drive My Car, Dune, King Richard, Licorice Pizza, Nightmare Alley, The Power Of The Dog, and West Side Story.

The only movie that will make me mad if it wins is Don’t Look Up. That movie was just a step up from Bird Box. You can read more of what I thought of Don’t Look Up here. To know what I thought of Bird Box, read here.

I know Power of the Dog has a lot of energy behind it, but to me this is a two film race between Coda and Drive My Car. I was surprised by how engrossing Drive My Car was, even though it is three hours long and in Japanese. Coda, though, for me, was the most enjoyable film of the lot and the most complete all around film — the acting was spectacular, the filming was right on, the story was compelling, it was so funny, and made people cry. Either could win, but I’d prefer Coda.

Belfast has a punchers chance — I loved that movie too, but it has the same issue I think King Richard does, and that is that it is very personal. My experience is those films tend to not win in the big category.

For the record, I can’t even figure out why Licorice Pizza was nominated. I didn’t hate it, but it is not a very good movie. All it has going for it is the it is about 1970s Hollywood, and remember, Hollywood loves itself move than anything else.

Keep in mind, I hated Birdman (click here) and was bored to tears by Nomadland, and both of those won best picture, so, what do I know?

I always like to play with themes when it comes to the Best Picture nominations. There are three of them. One is the idea of the ‘Man of Destiny’ — and by man I mean man. All of these are about powerful men — even the wonderful story of Venus and Serena Williams is couched as a man’s story. The one exception, of course, is Coda. Another reason why I think Coda should win, in that it has a female protagonist who is awesome. Another theme is smoking. Lots of cigarette smoking in these movies, which might be nostalgia. I notice all of them have a nostalgia about them. The most noticeable to me was the car cassette player in Drive My Car. It felt so quaint and ancient, but in an aching for the simpler past kind of way. Performing is also a major theme. Eight of these ten movies features performance specifically — play production, music lessons, sideshow carnies, movie stars, athletic performance, piano solos for the governor, a black and white film where the only color is from the movies or plays, or a benefit concert for a cosmic event that is played out, literally, on television. The other two films, Dune and West Side Story, have the feeling of performance because of their history as stories.

Actor In A Leading Role

The best actor this year was the little boy in Belfast. But he wasn’t nominated and I don’t know why.

Of those nominated, Andrew Garfield, Will Smith, and Denzel Washington, I think are the three likeliest choices. Garfield probably did the most intense acting (again, about a performance and play) but I think the Oscar goes to Will Smith.

Actor In A Supporting Role

J.K. Simmons put in the best performance in Being The Ricardos, but I think the Oscar goes to Troy Kotsur from Coda. Ciaran Hinds has an outside shot from Belfast, but he doesn’t seem to have enough screen time to legitimatize the choice.

Actress In A Leading Role

I think the Oscar goes to Jessica Chastain. She became Tammy Faye the way Renee Zellwegger became Judy Garland last year. I will add a caveat, though. I didn’t like the movie Parallel Mothers because it was a muddled mess of a plot, but Penelope Cruz’s performance was emotionally complicated. She could win if enough people are moved that way and turned off by the biopic genre.

Actress In A Support Role

This is the one of only two sure bets this year. The Oscar goes to Ariana DeBose. She was the most amazing part of Spielberg’s West Side Story. The rest of the story was a wash, but her performance was literally one for the ages.

Animated Feature Film

More than most years, this is a tight race. Disney’s Encanto is the favorite, and it is a very fine film although I have a bit of psychological trauma after watching it that I will not share with you here because . . . reasons. However, The Mitchells VS. The Machines is a fantastic film that I enjoyed way too much. If I were giving the Oscar out, it would go to Mitchells, but Encanto is probably still the favorite. I liked Raya and the Dragon, too, but it is not a best picture quality. Luca was a little strange and Flee — don’t get me started on Flee. Flee is a compelling human story trapped inside of a poorly done cartoon that looks like someone’s first year college project.

Cinematography

Nightmare Alley could win this on production value, but I liked The Tragedy of MacBeth most. They made bold, minimalist choices that evoked the power of the story.

Costume Design

Cruella should win this.

Directing

Jane Campion is the favorite, and I can’t figure out why. I didn’t think The Power Of The Dog was that good. It was boring, plodding, and predictable. Kenneth Branagh will probably win for Belfast because of the power of his love story to his childhood. However, The best directing work in this lot was Ryusuke Hamaguchi for Drive My Car.

Documentary Feature

Summer of Soul (…Or When The Revolution Could Not Be Televised) should win.

Film Editing

This probably goes to Tick, Tick . . . Boom! just because of of the enormous amount of work involved in piecing it together. So many motions and movements and things going on all a the same time.

International Feature Film

Drive My Car. Anytime a film is nominated for best picture and in the International section, it must necessarily win the sub-category. Fun fact — The Worst Person In The World is a movie to be avoided at all costs.

MakeUp And Hairstyling

This is a battle between Dune and The Eyes of Tammy Faye. I’ll go with the Eyes of Tammy Faye.

Music (Original Score)

Encanto and Parallel Mothers is the only soundtrack that is enjoyable, and the whole world is still singing Bruno so I’ll go with Encanto, which is the second of two sure bets.

However, the best soundtrack was Cruella — Tina Turner singing Led Zeppelin, ELO, Florence and the Machine, SuperTramp, Blondie, Nina Simone, and Queen. We need a category for ‘Coolest Soundtrack’.

Music (Original Song)

Another tight race here. Billie Eilish is favorited for the Bond Theme, but honestly, to me, it is not even in the top ten Bond themes and borrows too much from Skyfall and Spectre in its arrangement. Dos Orugitas is a fun song, but the caterpillars aren’t even the most enjoyable song on that soundtrack (do we dare talk about Bruno?). My money would go to Beyonce for Be Alive.

Production Design

Nightmare Alley probably wins this one. I didn’t really care for the story, nevertheless, the production value is very high.

Sound

No Time To Die, if for no other reason, James Bond is dead and he has been slighted so much by Oscar. I mean, Skyfall should have been nominated for best picture. Everyone knows that.

Visual Effects

Shang-Chi And The Legend Of The Ten Rings, and it is not even close.

Writing (Adapted Screenplay)

Drive My Car is a three hour movie based on a forty page short story. It is in a league by itself.

Writing (Original Screenplay)

This is a toss-up, because it depends on the mood of the voter. I can see The Worst Person In The World winning here just because it is so weird, vulgar, and odd. But I can see Licorice Pizza winning because Paul Thomas Anderson. However, I think, if we’re going with original, then the story about Belfast in the time of The Troubles, in which the mom makes the little boy take the washing powders back to the store that he accidentally looted during the riot while the riot was still going on should win.

____

These are my predictions and ideas. Also note, Andrew Garfield, Bradley Cooper, and Lin-Manuel Miranda all need to take a break. They were everywhere this year. Let someone else have some screen time, fellas.

Galatians Six: Let No One Give Me Any More Problems!

It has been a joy to translate Galatians over the last two months and to share it with all three of my dear readers. In this last chapter, we are visited again by the muckety-mucks, called to remember Paul’s illness (eyesight causes big letters), and the joy of a new creation. He also gets a little grumpy, too.

This is not the place for deep study, but as a translator I notice the end of this book comes quick – almost suddenly – and there is an absence of any kind of personal goodbyes. Scholars have many reasons for this and you should look some of them up. 

In the meantime, enjoy! 

Galatians: Chapter Six

1. Brothers and sisters, should anyone be overcome in a transgression, those of you who are spiritual ought to restore such a person in a spirit of gentleness. Be aware of yourself, though, that you are not tempted.

2. Carry one another burdens and so fulfill Messiah’s law.

3. If anyone think himself to be some muckety muck when he is not, he has deluded himself.

4. Instead, let everyone test his own work. Then he can have pride in himself in private, and not at the expense of anyone else, 

5. because everyone will carry his own burden.

4. Instead, let everyone test his own work. Then he can have pride in himself in private, and not at the expense of anyone else, 

5. because everyone will carry his own burden.

6. The learner of the word must share all good things with the one teaching the word. 

7. Make no mistake, God is not to be mocked. Whatever a person sows, that person will reap.

8. The person who sows in the flesh will reap ruin from the flesh. The person who sows in the Spirit will reap eternal life from the Spirit. 

9. Do not get tired of doing good, for in due time we will reap, if we do not give up. 

10. Therefore, then, let us use the time we have for good to all people, but mostly to the households of God. *

11. Do you see how big the letters are that I wrote for you in my own hand?**

12. Many of those who wish to look proper in the flesh try to force you to be circumcised but only because they do not want to be persecuted because of Messiah’s cross.  

13. Those who are circumcised do not obey the law but they want you to be circumcised so they can brag about your body. 

14. It will never be that I will boast, except in the cross of the Lord our Messiah Jesus, by whom the whole universe is crucified to me and I have been crucified to the whole universe.

15. Neither circumcision nor uncircumcision is anything, but new creation is! 

16. As for the many who will stay in line with this rule, peace and mercy be upon them, as well as the Israel of God.

17. As to the rest, let no one give me any more problems, for I bear on my body the slave branding of Jesus. 

18. Brothers and sisters, the grace of the Lord, our Messiah Jesus be with your spirit. Amen. 

Translation Notes

*households is plural. Seems to indicate in Paul’s mind that households are churches, but they probably meet in people’s actual homes, so it is less a metaphor and more of a physical description. 

**Most translations do make this a question, and the GNT does not indicate it is an interrogative, but the way I read the sentence it makes the most sense as a rhetorical question Paul is asking his readers.

Study Questions

1. What do you make of verse 2, that says we carry each others burdens, then verse 5 that seems to say the opposite?

2. Would you agree that we are all a little delusional when it comes to self-evaluation (vv 3-4)? How delusional are you in particular?

3. What are all of the ramifications of ‘ruin’ in verse 8?

4. How do you feel about Paul specifying we ‘mostly’ do good to those who are believers? 

5. Paul’s theology envisions the crucifixion of Jesus as having cosmic implications. How do you interpret verse 14? 

Galatians 5 — Works of the Flesh and the Fruit of the Spirit

Christ-followers often come back to Galatians 5 because of the beautiful simplicity of the Fruit of the Spirit in verses 22 and 23. I know I do. However, that is only a fraction of how much is going on in this chapter. Paul really goes after his opponents and tells them things like they’ve rendered Jesus useless, they should castrate themselves, and they will face judgment for the troubles they are causing. This was fun translating.

Below is my rendering of Galatians 5 from the Greek New Testament. Behind that are translation notes (*) and then five study questions which can be used for personal or group study. I will post Chapter Six next week. Enjoy!

Galatians: Chapter Five

1. Messiah freed us to live* free. Stand strong, then, and do not get tangled up again in a yoke of slavery.

2. Look, this is me, Paul, talking. If you let yourself be circumcised, then Messiah will be of no use to you. 

3. I solemnly swear to you again, everyone who has been circumcised is obligated to observe the whole law. 

4. All who are made right by the law were cut** off from Messiah. You lost grace. 

5. We eagerly await in the Spirit, by belief, for the hope of rightness.

6. In Messiah Jesus neither circumcision nor uncircumcision matters, but belief working through love. 

7. You began running so well; who slowed you down to not be persuaded by the truth?

8. That persuasion is not from the one called you. 

9. A small amount of yeast leavens the whole batch of dough.

10. I myself am persuaded about you, in the Lord, that you will not think any other way. The person who troubles you will bear the judgment, whoever he is. 

11. Brothers and sisters, if I preach circumcision then why am I still being persecuted? If that were so, then the scandal of the cross would be cleaned up.***    

12. Oh, how I wish those upsetting you would castrate themselves.**** 

13. Brothers and sisters, you were called into freedom, only do not use freedom as an excuse to indulge in the flesh. Instead, serve one another with love.

14. For the whole law has been fulfilled in one saying, ‘You must love your neighbor as yourself.’

15. But if you bite and chew on one another, watch out that you do not destroy yourselves.***** 

16. I say, you must walk in the Spirit. Do not gratify the desires of the flesh. 

17. For fleshly desires are against the Spirit, and spiritual desires are against the flesh, for these oppose one another so much so that you do what you do not want to do. 

18. If you are led by the Spirit, then you are not under the law.

19. It is obvious what he works of the flesh are: sexual immorality, nastiness, indecency, 

20. idolatry, sorcery, quarreling, rivalries, jealously, fits of rage, selfish ambition, divisiveness, factions******  

21. envy, drinking binges, orgies and things like that. As I said before when I told you, people who do these kinds of things will not inherit the kingdom of God. 

22. The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, belief, 

23. gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things. 

24. But those who are in Messiah Jesus crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.*******  

25. If we can live in the Spirit, then the Spirit can keep us in line. 

26. Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying one another. 

Translation Notes

*The word ‘live’ is not found in the text, but it makes sense and must be what Paul is implying. Messiah did not free us to live as slaves, but as free people.

**I find no small amount of word play with the use of ‘cut off’ from Messiah in the context of a discussion about circumcision.  

***Scandal here is commonly rendered as stumbling block, which it is. However, the Greek word here is so close to our word scandal and it means roughly the same. Stumbling block makes sense with the ‘running’ metaphor of v. 7, but he is three metaphors removed from that (argument, yeast, and now cleaning something up). I don’t see any need to use the stumbling block as being in the way of a runner metaphor any longer. 

****Again, the wordplay. The troublers advocated circumcision; Paul thinks they didn’t cut off enough when they were circumcised. It is a rather provocative and graphic statement that seems to imply they will no longer be able to reproduce, spiritually speaking, followers of their bad teaching.  

*****It is actually a repetition of the phrase ‘one another  — watch out that you don’t destroy one another’ but I chose to differentiate this from the biting and chewing with a different word. 

******There is a religious component to the word used by Paul to describe factions. He is speaking of religious divides such as the Pharisees and Sadducees, or in modern times perhaps he might mean Calvinist and Arminian, as an example of religious factions. There is apparently no limit to human beings and our divisive tendencies.  

*******The word I render as ‘passions’ is in the same group as the familiar Greek word ‘pathos’ and therefore carries a feeling of passion that is mixed with suffering – you feel it! 

Study Questions

1. In verse 2 Paul says if the Galatian Christians carry through with circumcision, then Jesus is of no use. Is there a modern equivalent to this line of thinking – something we might engage in that nullifies the work of Christ in us? 

2. Verse 7 is a clunky read, but the line of thinking is clear. Which part speaks to you most – the implication that you formerly were doing well but now aren’t, that someone specific has slowed you down, and the trick they are using is to persuades you against the truth? 

3. A little yeast makes the whole batch rise. This powerful metaphor in verse 9 is used by Paul in 1 Corinthians 5 to describe how sin infects a congregation while here he means legalistic teachings. Are there other ways we could use this metaphor, and are any of them positive rather than negative?

4. There are two possible ways to understand verse 10. One is that Paul is convinced the Galatians will eventually see things as he does, and the troubler will be judged. The other is to view Paul’s words as being about the stubbornness of the Galatians and so the meaning is something like “I’m certain you will not change your mind no matter how much I try to persuade you, but the person who did this to you will bear the judgment for what he has done.” It seems to me both are possible in the grammar of the text. Which one do you lean toward? Why? 

5. Can you connect the desires of the flesh in verses 19-21 with a correlating fruit of the Spirit in verses 22 and 23? How does that clarify meaning, or does it muddy the waters more?