Lindsay Flanagan's Blog

We Should Not Have to Defend Ourselves as Valuable

I write books that empower girls to embrace their unique traits, to cultivate their talents and to become comfortable and secure in their bodies. Anna, my sixteen-year-old protagonist in my debut young adult novel, Little Red Wraith, struggles with not having the same abilities as those around her. She lives in a world of shapeshifters but is unable to transform. She says, “I tell myself that it’s okay that I’m amorphous, unable to change. It’s bad enough when I compare myself to the other girls in the village in my human form—I don’t need another skin to have to defend as valuable.” Throughout her journey, she gradually comes to understand and learn about the abilities she does have. She learns that her inability to change doesn’t mean she isn’t able to contribute to the world around her.

The idea of a girl who can’t change is likely deeply rooted in my experiences and trials as a kid and a teen. I say “likely” because I can’t pinpoint a single moment or episode that I based this on, but I know that the intent was to show girls that regardless of what they look like or if they don’t have a talent someone else does that it doesn’t mean they aren’t capable, valuable, and powerful.

I’ve told the story about how my debut novel, AnnaGrey and the Constellation, first came about, so bear with my while I summarize. My now 15-year-old daughter came home from kindergarten in tears because a boy had called her weird, so I wanted to write a story that would show how you can embrace the traits that make you different—or “weird”—are what make you valuable and special and able to leave indelible marks on the world. Because I, too, have been called strange and weird (and let’s face it—all great artists have been called that at one time or another so I’m in great company), I knew the direction I needed to take in order to help her deal with that comment.

But there are also the stings I wasn’t prepared to answer. A few days ago, my youngest daughter, who is ten, asked me if I thought she was fat. This is happening at age ten?! Honestly, it probably happens to girls at a younger age, too. She said that a boy told her she had a “puffy belly.” All I could do in that moment was assure her that that her body is strong, capable, and beautiful, and that she did not have a puffy belly.

My oldest daughter took a different route in helping her little sister navigate this hurtful comment. She pulled out all the Taylor Swift lyrics and quotes that talk about body image positivity. Taylor’s words got to my daughter in a way I couldn’t because I am just Mom, trying to defend and protect my baby. Taylor—a major force in the world, and that’s obviously an understatement—is my girls’ hero. Her lyrics move them, her performances inspire them, and she’s an incredible role model as an artist, businessperson, and woman. She is proof that girls really can do anything.

The quotes my daughter pointed out for my baby weren’t vapid assurances of “everyone is beautiful in their own way.” I’m not discounting that comment, but it’s one that I think is said so often that it’s no longer being heard or making an impact as much as it should.

My oldest also pointed out that Taylor gained thirty pounds for the Eras Tour. Why? Because she needed to be strong and fit so she could sing, dance, and walk all over the stage, night after night, for three and a half hours for each performance. She gained weight—muscle and fat—to have stamina. She’s choosing what she wants her body to look like and working for it. And what she’s choosing is to be healthy so that she can continue entertaining and inspiring her fans. Taylor’s been thinner, which made have suited her purposes at the time, but now, she’s thirty pounds heavier so that’s she’s more powerful.

Body shape and size does not, nor should it ever, define what a person is. And here’s the truth: I have also struggled with body image issues my whole life. When I was super thin, I didn’t have the right hair color or complexion according to some—but I shouldn’t have let those “some” bother me. I know that now, but back then, it stung. After I had kids, I weighed more than I ever had. When I lost weight to become healthy, I became obsessed with how much I could control my weight. I knew there was a problem when I would tell myself, “It doesn’t matter if you’re hungry. Hungry means skinny.” I eventually got so thin that my nurse practitioner told me it was time to start gaining some weight.

Giving up control of my calorie intake proved to be as hard as controlling how much I ate before I lost the weight.

A vicious, vicious cycle.

It’s been a daily struggle to regain the power of my eating and exercising habits and not to let society dictate it. I gained thirty of the forty pounds I lost. I then lost ten. Then, I gained five.

Today, my goal is to just be healthy so I can raise these wonderful daughters I’ve been granted and blessed with.

My powerful ten-year-old is a dancer and gymnast and just achieved a milestone: she got her back handspring that she’s been working on for over a year. She had to build the muscle in her arms, back, legs, and yes, her stomach, to be able to do that. She has more power in her gut than anyone could ever imagine—and she’s going use it to soar.

There Is No Such Thing as Normal

Guest post by Riley Bess and Addison Gardner

One of the things that AnnaGrey struggles with is being so different from all of her peers. After a particularly hard day at school, she goes home and thinks about all of the awful events that happened to her: “A jumble of scenes flashes through my mind. The kids howling at me. The carpet burns from where I fell. My lunch tray tumbling out of my hands, food spilling everywhere, kids laughing. Mom said kids should accept others’ differences, but it’s hard to swallow her words knowing I’m the one who’s different.”

And sometimes, we feel like we are the only ones who have differences that stand out. But then, at some point in our lives, we can realize that those differences are what make us unique and part of the varied tapestry of the world. It’s also somewhat of a relief to find out that you aren’t the only one who feels like you are an outsider.

I'm so incredibly luck to have two brilliant women interning for me, and I asked them to contribute to this blog post. Honestly, their responses brought tears. What an honor it is to work with these women!
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Riley Bess:

We all feel different at times and don’t want to accept ourselves for who we are. It’s scary to admit, but I definitely feel this way at times. I’m a big fan of a lot of things that my immediate family has considered “abnormal.” There are always voices in my head telling me I’m worthless or not good enough. Telling me that I should just give up.

However, this quote reminds me of a story that we all know pretty well. It is the story of The Ugly Duckling written by Hans Christian Andersen. To just recap a few things, the story is about an “ugly” duckling born within a duck family. As he grows older, the other ducklings tease him because he looks and sounds different than what they deem to be normal. In the end, when everything seems lost, the “ugly” duckling looks at himself in the water and sees a majestic swan. I sometimes feel like this ugly duckling, wondering how my differences will ever fit in. Just like this ugly duckling, I have felt ostracized and criticized. Over time, however, I have discovered something beautiful. A truth that I hope all of us can accept.

There is no such thing as “normal.”

We were all born with unique traits for a reason. Can you imagine if we were all born as the same person, with the same looks, talents, and passions? Just like how the ducklings in the duck pond made a “normal” for themselves, people in this world do the same thing. Just like how AnnaGrey gets pushed around and howled at, people like you and me (because I know we have all been there) get put down and teased because of our differences in a “normal” world.

HAnnaGrey and the Constellationere is another truth: our differences are what make us special.

Just like the “ugly” duckling, we can look into the water and at ourselves and see how beautiful our differences can be. So, I challenge you to look in the mirror and deep within yourself. What are the things you get teased for? What makes you different? And then take hold of those differences. Don’t let them go because they are what make you special.
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Addison Gardner:

Being “abnormal” means you have a beautiful and fun personality. Being different makes you interesting, and that is a good thing. There is no reason to want to hide or change who you are to fit in because we are here in this life to be amazing and learn amazing things. In the moment, it’s hard to remember that but don’t let others put you down. If a friend came to you and said they hated how different they were, would you agree with them? No, you wouldn’t. You would tell them about all the things that make them incredible.

So, why should you tell yourself anything different?

One of my favorite fortune cookie quotes is, “The pleasure of what we enjoy is lost by wanting more.” I feel like this saying applies here because we sometimes lose the extraordinary parts of ourselves by wanting to fit in and appear normal. In doing that, we dim the light that sets us apart, and we shouldn’t lose the thing that makes us shine. So, be abnormal. Be different. Don’t stop shining because that is what makes you special.

Battling Creative Depression

Most creators I know go through spells where they believe their art isn’t good enough. Sometimes, even the most successful people think they simply aren’t doing what they should be doing or creating what they should create. I think it’s something artists struggle with at various times during their creative careers. I recently felt this way about my next manuscript in my young adult series, titled ASHES, ASHES FALLING DOWN. I’ve been stuck for several weeks on it.

And even though AnnaGrey and the Constellation has garnered high praise from industry experts, even though it was awarded the first runner-up in the middle reader category of the Eric Hoffer book award, even though I successfully completed the next installment in the AnnaGrey series, ANNAGREY AND THE RED FOX GIRLS, and even though LITTLE RED WRAITH is going to be published on October 29th, I still had moments of self-doubt that I could actually “be” a writer. But… isn’t that what I’ve been doing for most of my life?

I had expressed my doubts to a colleague because he was also suffering from bouts of creative depression. I look at the book covers he creates and am simply blown away by their beauty. But it’s one thing to try and reassure another creative that their work is beautiful and valid. It’s another thing to empathize with this feeling of insecurity about the art we create. We commiserated, and we both knew that it was just a moment and that we’d get back on the wagon and create more (even if it was “crap,” which can always be revised).

And then, he sent me this message:
“Remember how you said you were down about your writing the other night? I just got this from one of our galley editors regarding Little Red Wraith… “I usually don't care for this genre, but I became totally engrossed in this story. This lady is a serious talent.”

This was from a woman who is not only an editor but an author I admire and respect. She had no idea he was going to share that with me, and I can’t tell you how it has boosted my confidence to keep writing on. My story engaged a reader who doesn’t normally read in my genre. She praised my talent–which has been hard-won with a ton of practice and study. It made me think about how I want and need to start simply boosting other creators even if they’ll never see my comments (although I hope they do).

So to Kiersten White, you simply are awe-inspiring, and I will read anything you write. To Brian Fallon, your songwriting skill and knowledge and the fact that you continue to study it even though you’re a master inspires me to learn more about the type of writing I do. And to Wanita, you are a prolific writer who saw my talent and gave me the boost I needed at a time when I was low.

And to you, fellow writers and readers, remember that even though you’ll have moments of creative depression, you are an artist, and your work is valid.

Sometimes Choosing the Scary Path is the Right Choice

GUEST POST BY RILEY BESS

Riley is my brilliant intern who said she loved this quote from AnnaGrey and the Constellation. I asked her to write about why she was moved by the quote, and I found myself inspired by her journey regrading her career.

Thank you, Riley, for this beautiful post and sharing your story with us!
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In AnnaGrey and the Constellation, AnnaGrey says, “It’s like I’ve known the path all along but was blinded by my panic the first time I was here.” She says this while going down the same path she went down the day before, even though at first, the path was scary and uncertain. It made me realize that choices made early on really do impact the future in significant ways. AnnaGrey’s whole life changes in a positive way because of the simple choice she made in going down this path the first time. This quote made me feel so empowered as a woman making really important decisions in my life right now.
About two years ago, I had to make a choice. It was a scary decision because if I said yes, it meant I would have to talk to strangers every day. To me, that was something I feared above anything else. However, in the panic that I felt while making that decision, I knew that I couldn’t say no. I needed to accept this job opportunity, So, I did. Now, after two years of talking to strangers and presenting to groups of people, I am so much more confident in what I do. I have had the most amazing experiences working this job, and I am forever grateful for the choice that I made to face my fears and go down a path that was uncertain. I was blinded by my panic the first time, but looking back, I realize it was the path I needed to take all along.
Sometimes you see the future and lose confidence in yourself because you feel not up to the challenges that lie ahead. But just like AnnaGrey, you can be powerful and inspiring, too. The path you choose to go down, even if it looks dark and scary at first, can lead to discoveries about yourself that you never thought were nested inside you all along.

AnnaGrey and the Constellation

Stories are Magic

Words have always been one of my basic needs. Just like needing to breathe or eat, I’ve always needed to write. But in addition to writing my own stories and poetry, I read a lot. One of the best things about the stories was that I could experience different lives and take away valuable lessons that helped me understand life. 

When I was creating the world of the Laéth Realm, the idea that it was the source of fairy tales in the human world came almost organically. Eons ago, humans strayed into the realm, and the magical beings were envious of the humans’ physical attributes. To stop fighting between the two groups, the humans offered the magical beings their physical attributes by allowing them to take traits by magic,  and the magical beings gave the humans their fairy tales as a gift of peace. 

The folklore and old religion of the realm have retold these tales over the years so much that humans in the realm are as mythical as the magical beings are to humans in the human world. The tales have become convoluted over the centuries but essences of the original stories remain, and AnnaGrey recognizes those essences during her time in the realm. She witnesses the seeds of the stories and wonders if they are the inspiration for the fairy tales in her world.

This sub-theme is subtle in my books, but the idea of stories as tools that can teach valuable lessons has been an inspiration for why I write. The lessons the stories contain, as AnnaGrey says, stayed with her, just like the stories of my childhood did. She says that stories “are the best gift… because stories themselves are magic. They have the power to help us understand life.”

And sometimes, stories have the power to simply allow us to step away from our own lives and pretend to be in another, if only for a few short hours, so that when we close the book, we can take that story with us when we go out to face this world.

Confronting Bullies and Finding Forgiveness

Confronting bullies and finding forgiveness are themes I address in AnnaGrey and the Constellation. At one point, Grey has to get out of her comfort zone and confront Cross Silverstone, the boy who bullies her, only to be humiliated in front of everyone at school. When her dad tries to get her to discuss it, she says, “I can’t talk about it and relive those awful moments of putting myself out there to talk to Cross, only to find myself on the dirty carpet while every kid in school surrounded me and laughed.”

This event was partially inspired by something that happened when I was younger. I wasn’t the victim of bullying the way so many other kids are, but I did feel hurt and betrayed by someone who I thought was a friend. I asked him what I had done to make him not like me anymore and why we couldn’t just be friends again. He said something that I’ve never forgotten: “I just hate your freaking guts.”

This could have broken me. I was lucky, though, to have had so many other friends by my side. Over the years, this event would come back to me, and I’d spent a few moments trying to recall anything I said or did to this boy to make him dislike me. And then I realized I knew all along. He had told me he liked me as more than a friend, but I didn’t think he was serious because I had such low self-esteem. I didn’t believe anyone like him could actually care about someone like me.

My insecurity caused me to play off his feelings as a joke, embarrassing him and hurting him. It caused me to lose a friend.

Even now, a part of me thinks that this wasn’t the case. He could simply not have liked the person I was. That’s something I can’t fix because universal likability isn’t an achievable goal. I only wish I could take back the hurt I caused. Changing the past is a theme I’m currently exploring in a manuscript draft. I’m not sure what will come of it yet, but it’s an interesting study about regret.

How many times have you put yourself out there only to be dismissed? How many times have you wished you could change something you said or did? Forgiving others and even forgiving ourselves is its own type of magic. We might not be able to change the past, but we can embrace our mistakes and do better in the present and future.

Blaze Your Own Trails of Stars

One of the reasons I wanted to write the story of AnnaGrey and Iris was because my then-five-year-old daughter, Lily, came home from kindergarten crying, saying that a boy in her class had called her “weird.”

As a mom, this made the grizzly inside me growl. I immediately went into protect-and-defend mode. I told her she wasn’t weird, that she was special and kind and beautiful. And although I meant them, they were words without substance.

Because as a fellow girl, I understood her heartbreak. I thought back to all the times I’d been called weird, different, or strange. I thought about the teenage years where I flaunted my differences and used them as weapons against the crowds who already told me I didn’t fit in until everyone stopped expecting me to conform and waited to see what I’d do next to prove I wasn’t one of “them.”

But that, too, wasn’t the right way to go about embracing who I truly was. I didn’t need to “fit in,” but I didn’t need to cast everyone else out, either.

The best thing I could do for my daughter was write a story about a girl whose differences, her unique traits, were what made her magical and powerful, and how she could use those abilities to help others–even those who’d hurt her in the past.

AnnaGrey and the Constellation was born, and AnnaGrey became the hero I wished I’d been in my past, and who I hope is an inspiration for my daughters and every girl who sees themselves as different.

AnnaGrey has night vision. Her eyes have crescent-shaped pupils, and they glow in the dark. She has been trying to find a cure for these traits, but her mom says the glow and the pupil shape is a side effect of a surgery she had as a child. But AnnaGrey can’t find the doctor who supposedly performed the surgery. “For the rest of my life,” she says, “I’ll have to hide my eyes, hide myself…”

When I wrote that line, I realized how many times I’d said that in my life–how I’d have to hide who I truly was in order to be accepted by others. It’s what I said to myself when I thought I was so strange that I’d need to hide who I was to avoid being made fun of or ostracized by my peers and social circle.

I don’t want my daughters to hide behind their true selves. I want them to embrace what makes them different because that is what makes them unique and special. I want them to realize there will only ever be one of them, and their unique abilities and traits are the tools they can use to make an impact on the world. It doesn’t matter if they aren’t like everyone else. I want them to do what Connelly, AnnaGrey’s best friend, tells her to do in the book: “You try to hide who you are, but you should just be who you are and run with it.”

Later, AnnaGrey says something similar to Iris. But she adds, “Because when you run, you leave a trail of stars.”

Your unique traits are what give you the magical potential to blaze your own trails of stars in this life. Be who you are, embrace it, and ignite your magic.

What’s your unique trait that you can turn into a magical power?

National Get Caught Reading Month!

May is National Get Caught Reading Month! Time to celebrate all the times you were reading when you were supposed to be doing something else…

The first time I remember getting caught reading was when I was in 5th grade. We’d just gone to the library, and I’d picked up Kristy’s Big Day, book #6 in Ann M. Martin’s Babysitters Club series (I was hooked on them from second to seventh grade).

Unfortunately, right after library was math, but when a shiny new read sat on the corner of my desk, the cover depicting Kristy in a beautiful yellow bridesmaid dress, it was a wrench not to crack open the cover and read at least the first page.

Let me give you a bit of backstory. I was the kid who, at least seventy percent of the time, would rather read than play. (And when I played, I liked Barbies so I could create my own stories with them.) Readathons and book fairs were two of the most exciting days at school, and I even planned after-school readathons with my best friend. You bet I had those purple Book-It pins completely filled with stars. Pizza Hut pizza tastes better when it’s earned by reading.

I was also an introvert and afraid of ever doing anything wrong at home, school, or church (at least, when I was ten). I was an excellent student (except when seated beside a friend, I talked too much). I even liked math, but Kristy’s Big Day was all about a wedding. And her dress! I simply had to read about how the tomboy of the BSC felt being in a pretty dress!

So, while the teacher’s back was turned to the blackboard (I’m that old), I opened the book, the fluorescent lighting glinting off the glossy cover, and peeked at the first page.

And I couldn’t stop reading. Before I realized it, the book was in both hands, held up to my face á la Anne Shirley, and I was getting ready to march down the aisle with Kristy.

This is where the story gets sad (trigger warnings: mean teachers, bullying).

The book was yanked out of my hands and thrown across the room, landing in a sad purple-and-yellow heap in the trash can. My hands shook, my face burned, and tears rolled down my cheeks. My teacher, while always strict but hadn’t been mean up until that point, didn’t say a word. He glared at me, then returned to teaching while the rest of the kids stared at me.

I shouldn’t have been reading in class. I should have been paying attention. The teacher may have said my name several times (although I don’t remember anything except the book-yanking) to remind me that it was math time, not book time. I take the blame for not doing what I was supposed to be doing.

But that teacher has no idea his actions could have done one of two things—ruin me forever for reading (because I was so embarrassed I’d been caught) or ignite a fire in me that had been smoldering for years, ever since I was seven and penned my first story, to embrace my gifts as an voracious reader and burgeoning writer.

So, in the same way Taylor Swift thanks Amie for bullying her, I’m thanking Mr. X (who shall remain nameless) for pointing out to the entire classroom that I wasn’t paying attention in math and was nose-deep in a book. Because books have become my livelihood. Books are my magic, and my ability to write and edit fiction are gifts I’m grateful for every day.

Kristy's Big Day

Empowering Girls to Ignite their Own Magic

Welcome to the Laéth Realm, a place where you can embrace your unique traits as power and ignite your own magic.

I write fantasy books for all the girls who have ever doubted themselves or felt like they didn't quite fit in, for those who spent starless nights wondering if their unique qualities were less valuable in the world’s eyes.

I aim to inspire girls to know that they are an integral star in the tapestry of the skies of the universe. Like AnnaGrey in my Laèth Realm Adventures, every girl has the power to ignite their own magic.

*****
Last summer, my debut novel, AnnaGrey and the Constellation, was released. It was a three-decade journey, since I began writing stories when I was seven. And, funny enough, my first story I ever penned was about a girl and her horse.

AnnaGrey and the Constellation is about a 14-year-old girl and her aeobanach friend—who, on first glance, looks like a unicorn or magical horse. But you have to read the story to find out who Iris truly is—while reading about how AnnaGrey herself finds out her true identity.

The story came about when Iris (then named Penelope) galloped into my mind in 2015. My oldest daughter was six at the time, and my youngest was only one. As I began to get to know the world where Iris existed, I found that what I was really writing was a story about a girl, AnnaGrey, who didn’t believe she had much to offer the world and doubted herself. She didn’t realize her incredible power.

I wanted my daughters to find that power in themselves, too. The story then shifted to be a book about a powerful girl, one my daughters could read about and know that in a world that sometimes feels too big or too overwhelming, their presence—their unique traits, gifts, and appearance—shines like a guiding star in the night sky, just like AnnaGrey does for Iris, and Iris does for AnnaGrey.

I wanted them, and all the girls in the world, to know that they have extraordinary powers that sets them apart, magic inside them that is the source of their strength and courage. There is a place in this world (and the magical ones, too) that is meant just for them, where they can thrive and make their mark.

AnnaGrey and the Constellation is a finalist for the Eric Hoffer First Horizon Book Award and is what Book Viral Reviews calls “reminiscent of some of the great fantasies of this era.”

AnnaGrey and the Constellation