Kenn Bivins's Blog, page 3

the redacted history of the burning Black Church

Three black churches were set ablaze over the course of 10 days in Louisiana and the charred remains are pretty much the sum total of how much we seem to care.

From March 26 through April 4, 2019, St. Mary Baptist Church in Port Barre, Greater Union Baptist Church and Mount Pleasant Baptist Church in Opelousas were victims of arson. These churches had been pillars of their communities for more than 100 years and, tragically, they also have the same arsonist in common, who happens to be the son of a deputy sheriff in the district.

This is especially disturbing because these fires are reminiscent of the continual assault on black churches in the South during the Jim Crow era, but officials dragged their figurative feet on declaring these as hate crimes. It wasn’t until April 15th (that was just a couple of days ago) that the man responsible was charged accordingly.

There are dozens of other places of worship in the area that makes up St. Landry Parish where these churches were burned down. The racial divide is almost half and half in a population of 84,000. If the arsonist simply had an anti-religion statement to make through his despicable acts, there were dozens of other churches he could have targeted. But he didn’t. He set fire to and demolished sanctuaries that have been the spiritual cornerstone for generations of black people and their families.

Why are we and the media at large quiet about this? Aren’t we the same people who are culturally hypersensitive about the use of words like ██████ or ██████ ? Aren’t we the same people who’ve adopted “cancel culture” when someone executes a standard of behavior that violates the code of decency according to what is deemed social-media-litically correct? So why aren’t we furious that this scumbag not only terrorized several communities, but he also destroyed institutions of historical significance in the state of Louisiana?

Why did it take two weeks after the third fire for Federal authorities to say, “Okay, this might be a hate crime,” when the pattern was obvious? The delay reminds me of a similar state-sponsored reluctance that was a response to when a shooter opened fire on a dozen churchgoers during a prayer service, killing nine and injuring three others.

redact — to hide, remove or censor (parts of a text) before publication or distribution.

Attacks against the black church have been carried out through mass murder, arson, bombings and vandalism. While we don’t like to consider this level of hatred and racism as still existing in 2019, ignoring or redacting it from the history books and the headlines won’t make it any less true.

On September 15, 1963, in a cowardly response to the integration of Alabama schools, Birmingham’s 16th Street Baptist Church was bombed and four little girls were killed. The outrage over this led to the Civil Rights Act of 1964 and the Voting Rights Act of 1965. These were significant pieces of legislation that would change the course of history for black people, the underprivileged and the unheard.

But where’s our outrage now? Why aren’t these atrocits igniting a movement of a similar nature in this day and age?

As children, if we feared there was a monster under the bed, we would stuff our heads under the pillow and hide beneath the covers. This juvenile force field would temper our anxiety until sleep ushered us to safety. But we can’t ignore this.

The evils of our society won’t vanish into thin air like some monster under the bed when we close our eyes tightly and hum ourselves to an ignorant sleep.

In the age of social media, we can no longer point the finger at CNN, FOX and other news outlets as cherry picking what stories they deem worthy of their attention. I mean, sure, they dominate TV screens across the world, but guess who rivals them now. Us.

We are the media now.

Through social media channels, we can generate a conversation or message quicker than any of the news conglomerates. We carry broadcasting stations around in our pockets in the form of cell phones. It starts with us.

So, again… why aren’t we more outraged that three black churches were set ablaze over the course of 10 days in Louisiana?

In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.

On Monday, April 15, Paris’ Notre Dame Cathedral burned. People all over the world were fixated in front of screens everywhere as they watched this Gothic stone building topple in flames. The public response was a stark contrast to the aforementioned.

One of my neighbors had literal tears streaming down her face as she told me about it. Since then, the government and a handful of billionaires have led the way in calling for and pledging hundreds of millions of dollars toward the reconstruction effort.

Here’s what I know. It’s unlikely that this place of worship was the target of racism or terrorism. If I were a gambling man, I’d stake my money on this being an accident or negligence at the worst.

Here’s another thing I know. The Catholic church has plenty of money to rebuild if they choose to. They don’t need your money.

Wouldn’t it be more amazing if hundreds of millions of dollars were instead pledged to smaller churches that are in disrepair or that have been burned? Just imagine it.

But I digress.

According to William Booth, who wrote an article responding to the 1996 burnings of black churches, “The people burning down black churches in the South are generally white, male and young, usually economically marginalized or poorly educated, frequently drunk or high on drugs, rarely affiliated with hate groups, but often deeply driven by racism.”

I know. Racism is an ugly word. If you’re white, being called a racist is the hardest thing to respond to or recover from if someone brands you as such. But racism is still real. We can’t redact it from our history just because it soils our origins.

It doesn’t matter how many times you say Christopher Columbus discovered America, it won’t be true. He didn’t discover ███. In the same way, the pilgrims didn’t have a potluck with the native Americans, Thomas Edison didn’t solely invent the lightbulb and so on.

A redacted history may change the narrative, but history is unchanging no matter what we say.

In 2015, when a self-declared, white supremacist killed nine black churchgoers in Charleston, SC, several black churches in the south were set ablaze and it was never determined by the authorities whether those fires were racially motivated.

It’s 2019. We can do better. I can do better. I am my brother’s keeper.

black lives clatter

If you’re solely informed according to what popular media has presented, you’re likely to believe the demise of police brutality and misconduct that was hotly reported in the news a few years ago. Unfortunately, the loved ones of the 2̵3̵2̵ 240 people who have been killed by police thus far in 2019 would dispute that idealistic assumption.

The media, instead, has focused on the antics of an unfit president and anything that finds its way into the orbit of his Twitter rants. They’ve also unearthed a ratings gold mine with the recursive looping of titillating scandals of celebrities who’ve escaped justice for years despite mountains of evidence against them, exposing them as rapists, molesters, abusers or worse. And, of course, there’s the 2020 election on the horizon. The #metoo movement has been resurrected in the spotlight for the political benefit of any candidate who wishes to throw doubt on his/her opponent all the while ignoring the actual victims who have been sexually exploited by men of power and influence.

The fact is: nothing has changed; police are still literally getting away with murder and we don’t care.

The white Chicago policeman who was charged with 16 counts of aggravated battery with a firearm, which carries a total minimum sentence of 6 years per count, was only convicted of second-degree murder and will serve less than 7 years for shooting 17-year old Laquan McDonald in the back. This scumbucket, whose name I won’t give life to, fired 16 shots in about 15 seconds at a black child and then claimed he fired in self-defense until video showed that the victim was indeed walking away when he was executed. Oh, and there was a quiet press conference to inform the public that the first Chicago police officer sentenced for an on-duty shooting in a half-century would not be convicted on the 16 charges and he could go free in as little as three years with credit for good behavior.

What the media is perpetuating is clearly not about justice; it’s about distraction. It’s about clatter.

Meanwhile, the same city that can’t seem to consistently solve homicide cases made it their civic duty to stage several high-profile press conferences centered around an actor, Jussie Smollett, who was accused of making a false report (i.e lying) about being victim to a hate crime. Chicago went hard after this man for a misdemeanor and then later indicted him on 16 felony charges and then later dropped all of the charges while sealing details about the case. At this point, I don’t care whether he’s innocent or guilty because the obsessive attention to this matter is stupid. We have a president who has also lied so much that the Washington Post has an ongoing tally to document and fact check those lies in detail, while no one is holding him accountable at all.

If you ignore a problem does it go away? No. But if you ignore the voice that gives light to that problem, the significance of that voice is muted.

Speaking of muted voices, why don’t the good cops ever come forth to rally against police brutality? Many of them had a lot to say about the Smollett scenario. Where are those voices when a black person is unjustly killed by one of their own blue comrades? Don’t a few bad apples blemish the good reputation and standing of the ones who are out there risking their lives daily to keep us safe?

Black lives matter and it’s a shame that despite campaigning against violence and systematic racism, the response at large is simply to delay justice or ignore the problem altogether.

Or add insult to injury with countermovements and slogans like Blue Lives Matter and All Lives Matter. But, again, what about black lives?

By the way, blue life is an occupational choice. I was born black and will have to contend with systematic racism for the rest of my life. I can’t shed the uniform of my skin at the end of a workday or take a vacation from being black.

I walk outside my door and I am three times more times likely to be killed by police than a white person. Hell, I don’t even have to step outside my door. I could be in the luxury of my own home and call the cops because I hear a burglar trying to break in and end up getting shot to death by the ones who are trusted to protect me. Google Charleena Lyles.

In January of this year, the judge dismissed a lawsuit against the two Seattle police officers who shot and killed the pregnant mother of four. They claimed that she charged at them with a knife, but she was a single, smallish woman who could have easily been subdued if that were true.

The average police on patrol are generally armed with a handgun, taser, pepper spray and handcuffs, but their greatest tool is their discretion. Unfortunately, that discretion seems to only be used when negotiating with a white, mass murderer who has just unloaded two clips from a semi-automatic weapon into the bodies of dozens of innocent people.

Black people are most likely to be killed by police.

Whenever there is a mass shooting and it’s reported that the perpetrator was taken into custody, I know he’s white. I don’t need to know his name or see a picture. If he’s handcuffed; if he’s doing the perp walk; if he’s getting Burger King on the way to booking, he’s not black.

Nearly 1 in 3 black people killed by police in America were non-violent and unarmed. As alarming as the number is, there is still no accountability. 99% of these cases have resulted in the officer escaping conviction of a crime and if that officer(s) is charged, they get what is equivalent to a slap on the hand. The punishment never fits the crime.

So what’s the solution to all of this noise and static and injustice?

Let’s start with proper screening and training of law enforcement. Some studies have shown that a quarter of those innocent people killed by police showed signs of mental illness. As I said earlier, discretion is the greatest tool of the police. They’re supposed to deescalate violence as opposed to aggravating it.

And most police also have non-lethal weapons like stun guns, batons and pepper spray. The first option should not be to reach for the Glock 40 if there isn’t another firearm present.

Another solution is your vote and your voice. I know the national political scene can be entertaining, but real change happens on a local level. The people we elect into office have a direct influence on policy which determines the integrity of our taxes, schools, roads, property and, yes, police. Make the politicians that you put in office as uncomfortable as you are about police violence. Sound policies to reduce brutality are needed.

But I digress. Black people aren’t getting killed by cops anymore because it’s not in the news. Right? Wrong.

Black people are still being killed for kicks, yet we’re talking about ████████.

What are you going to do about it?

Black lives matter.

you are. enough.

Does a nagging voice of negativity ever just show up uninvited to wreak havoc on your otherwise, healthy mindset to draw doubt as to whether you’re good enough? You are. Enough already! Kick that voice out. Call the cops on it. Fight it. Or do whatever is necessary to stop questioning everything about yourself. I mean, it’s a great attribute to be self-aware, but come on. You’re taking this cognizant thing too far.

But since you’re the thinking type, consider this: Today is the first day of Spring. Depending on where you live, it’s likely that the effects of Winter have been pretty evident for the past few weeks. There has been no lush foliage or birds twitting to and fro. There’s been no sun beaming down to warm your skin and your spirits. But behold! Spring is here.

And while the calendar declares that March 20th is the first day of Spring, it may not necessarily and immediately feel like a change. Eventually and inevitably the season will transition to sprouting greens, buzzing things and baby things. For now, though, the date is simply a marker for hope.

That nagging voice of negativity is the antithesis of hope. It’s Winter incarnate where everything is dead and still and you’re wondering why you’re still here alone, underemployed, forlorn, unnoticed or not having that breakthrough that people who are more deserving may enjoy.

But really? Do you really think you’re not deserving? Do you really think that you’re not good enough because of where you are at this moment? You are!

Since it’s Spring, let me give another botanical tie-in to make my point that you’re more awesome than you think. The Chinese Bamboo reaches heights of 80 feet in a mere manner of weeks. Six to be exact. But not so fast. With this wonder of nature, we don’t have all of the details. People see success from their point of view but they fail to see what happened in the beginning.

When a Chinese bamboo seed is first planted, it will lie in the ground for up to five years. Through all the watering and nurturing, it appears that nothing is happening. This seed is a failure! It will never grow and be majestic. It will never get invited to all of the cool bamboo parties. It won’t have a wildly, successful flooring business that influences other industries. It will never be loved and have baby bamboos. It will never be good enough.

But then one day – Boom! It’s bamboo 80 feet in the air. Or it’s Spring and all the green. Or it’s YOU. The lush sprigs of hope have already begun to push forth from soil, bark and concrete to reach toward the figurative sun. So enough with the self-deprecating talk.

It may feel like Winter at times, but the seasons are always faithful. Nothing stays the same. Nothing. Know that if you’re enjoying a delicious ice cream cone, it will soon be eaten up and gone. Know that if you dropped that ice cream cone before you got the chance to enjoy it, you’ll get another one and it’ll be more delicious than its predecessor that fell to its untimely, creamy death.

Just as the seasons cycle, so does the truth that you are fearfully and wonderfully made. The fingerprints of God are all over you and your divets and impressions and imperfections won’t look like everyone else’s. Does that mean you’re not good enough? Nah. You are.

And you are enough.

the other side of fear

We all know fear. It’s that deep and foreboding sense that triggers us to fight, freeze or flee. But fear isn’t all bad. It can actually help dictate the actions we take next. Often, it can nudge us from a space of comfort and complacency that stagnates our growth and progression.

All that you desire is on the other side of fear.

That quote reads excellent as a mantra, but it’s not so easy to apply as a daily principle. When anxiety and worry are whispering in your ear that you might not get that job promotion or you’re going to get fired or he/she is just not into you like that or you’re not good enough, those voices can drown out any positive axioms that you scribbled in your journal last night. But don’t succumb to that disquiet in your head.

Own it. Call it what it is. There is no shame in being afraid or possessing fear. It can be informative. It can tell us that we’re in danger or that something isn’t quite right, though sometimes those feelings are magnified by our imaginations and insecurities. Being able to discern fear from reality is a strength though.

Overcome it. Practice courage. Courage is not the absence of fear, but the mastery over it (paraphrasing Mark Twain). If fear is of the unknown of what might happen, what better way to challenge that fog of possibility than to take action to make something happen. In other words, allow the fear to be present and keep moving forward. Be courageous. The key to growing is acknowledging fear and jumping in anyway. And don’t be afraid to fail.

Failing is not failure; failing is flourishing; while failure is final.

I have this condition that flares up from time to time as a result of fear. This condition is called Imposter Syndrome which is a pervasive feeling of self-doubt or fraudulence despite an abundance of evidence to the contrary. It usually makes its unwelcome entry into my thoughts around the same time that something overwhelmingly good happens, like a new opportunity or some unexpected public acclaim. The foreboding feeling is that I’m not worth any of these things and I’m going to be found out as a fake. This is what fear does. But I recognize it for what it is and I remind myself of the truths that lead to my promotion or advancing. I also reflect on the past where I’ve been in similar circumstances of self-doubt. I didn’t spontaneously combust into flames from the public scorn of being a fake. I’ve worked hard and I’m no less deserving than anyone else who has done the same.

Fear makes the wolf bigger than he is.

father or dad?

There are glaring differences between the titles of father and dad.

Father indicates an official, biological or ceremonial title.

Dad, on the other hand, indicates a level of intimacy that breaches tradition and is a living, breathing part of an interactive relationship. With dad, I envision a little kid napping in his dad’s lap.

While the difference between father and dad are a matter of semantics to some, the differences are of experience to me. Biologically, I have a father but he was absent in my life and therefore never earned the title, dad. Meanwhile, I’ve been present and active in my sons’ lives since day one. To them, I’m Dad. Despite their size, deep voices and facial hair, they can still metaphorically “take a nap in my lap” or talk to me about anything. Our relationship is at that level.

I often make a reference to Dad in my writings. Your response might be, “Kenn, you lying sack of sand. You said your father wasn’t your dad but now you’re changing up when it’s convenient. What gives?” Actually, that reference is to God, not my biological father.

In my novel, Pious, the acknowledgments section leads off with, “To my Dad and the God of the universe, thank you for second chances.” Dad is indicative of a true and intimate relationship. I have such a relationship with God so I refer to him as Dad.

I like saying Happy Dad’s Day instead of Happy Father’s Day. It’s one of my many “charming” quirks but I like acknowledging true dads for their presence.

 

love thy frenemies

Biblical scripture teaches to ‘love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you,’ but what about your frenemies? Isn’t that a little more difficult? Where does any sacred text mention the word? How do you even pronounce it?

Pronounced frin-uh-me, a frenemy is a portmanteau of friend and enemy, like smog is a combination of smoke and fog. Fremenies portray friendship, but their motive is something much more sinister and akin to a rival. They comfortably enjoy the occupation of ally all the while exploiting the very trust that positioned them as close.

With rivals, you know where you stand. It’s clear that they don’t like you. They don’t like your face, they don’t like your voice and they don’t like the 2nd-grade teacher that spoke fondly of you. They may have a charred effigy of you, punctured with straight pins, sitting on a bookshelf out of sight somewhere. You expect them to betray you. That’s what motivates them out of their spiteful bed every morning.

But when someone whom you love and trust betrays you, you don’t expect it or see it coming. You torture yourself over the why’s and what’s that led this person to the opposing side of you. But when you come down from that ledge of self-doubt, the pain of betrayal begins to soak in. At that point, isn’t it near impossible to love and forgive that person? It can be, but I tell you… love them anyway. It’s not about giving that person a pass. They did you wrong and you’re not excusing that. What it is about is not being controlled by any hateful thing.

When someone hurts you, distance yourself from that person and remove his/her ability to continue to wreak damage in your heart and life. Try to continue to live your life and love yourself in the space that this person chose not to. Put yourself first. Don’t be so occupied with anger that it leads you to become an enemy as well. Determining to be an enemy can be a self-destructive path that will inevitably dim your own shine.

While it may feel unnatural in these circumstances, practice love. It will mature you and you will discover a strength that, perhaps, you weren’t aware that you have. I mean you are pretty awesome. It’s not your fault if those who aren’t as amazing as you are unable to recognize it. It’s a blessing and a curse being you.

And sometimes, we can attract the wrong ones to our energy. They both want to consume it and become it and in becoming it, they oftentimes will have to destroy you. Thus is born your frenemy. See? Blessing and curse. Use these betrayals as life lessons and resist the urge to be petty or return wrong for wrong. Love is a verb so practice what you deserve to receive.

Be the friend that you want to see, and keep thine frenemies far from thee.

39 Lessons for Boys – extended

The legacy of a father is what he leaves in his stead for his children and those who have been in the shadow of his influence. I love my sons (and nephews and mentees) and the following are 39 lessons or observations I hope to teach (or have taught) them over the years. This is not a comprehensive list, but a good start.

1. manhood is earned, not inherited

The biological emergence of becoming a man should not be confused with manhood. Manhood is accepting responsibility for yourself and your actions, tending to the care and well-being of others and contributing to society.

2. there is a God

Acknowledging that there is a being greater than yourself, creates a sense of purpose and humility that fuels endless curiosity, seeking and learning.

3. you are not Him

Don’t be judgemental. Instead, be humble and know that everyone makes mistakes while deserving the same grace you’ve been given.

4. but God did make you special

The same God that made the universe made you intentionally. No one else is like you. That is your superpower.

5. give more than you take

Always give back to the faces and spaces that you took from.

6. don’t run with the crowd, unless you’re the leader

Lead, aspire to lead or, while you’re following, learn to lead.

7. make your life, your work

Find your purpose and make a living there.

8. never make work, your life

Just simply getting a paycheck is not, and should never be all there is.

9. losing is a sign that you’re trying

Losing is only temporary, and if you keep trying and learn from your losses, you will win.

10. never never never give up

Never.

11. no one owes you anything

Always be willing to work for what you want.

12. true education starts after school ends

Schooling is for the sake of demonstrating your aptitude to learn. Once you complete school, that ability is challenged and matured for the rest of your life. Therein true education ensues.

13. money is not equal to success

Success is setting a goal and making it.

14. never lose self-control (unless you want to)

Don’t let anyone have mastery over you that leads you to lose self-control. It’s called self-control because you are in control of self.

15. healthy relationships are built on communication which leads to trust

Talking and listening build a strong rapport.

16. physical confrontation with a girl/woman = lose/lose odds

There is no justification for violently putting your hands on a girl or a woman.

17. credit card debt is a brutal master

Use credit to build wealth.

18. if you can’t afford it with cash, save for it or pass it by

Disciplining yourself in this way will save you from the heartache of buyer’s remorse and you’ll value your purchases so much more when you take the time to consider them.

19. learning starts with leaving your comfort zone

If you don’t challenge yourself, you won’t grow.

20. invest in teaching others what you learn

And again, give back.

21. love yourself before you expect a girl/woman to love you

You inform others how to love you based on how you love yourself.

22. never point a gun that you’re not prepared to shoot

Literally and figuratively. Don’t start something that you’re not willing and ready to finish.

23. some fights are best won by walking away

While some lives are saved to fight differently another day.

24. don’t judge others just because they are different from you

You are not God.

25. learn from the mistakes of others

Julius Caesar was wrong. Experience is not the best teacher. There can be powerful lessons yielded from experience, but there also is great wisdom gleaned from the mistakes of others.

26. save more than you spend

If you follow this simple rule, you will be wealthy by the time you’re 40.

27. girls/women think completely different from you

Learning of her and how she communicates is essential if you want to truly know her.

28. celebrate the differences

We were created to be different; therefore we should celebrate that.

29. give respect to others

How you treat others informs them how to treat you.

30. let your presence command respect from all

Hold your head high. You are the sun.

31. give thanks daily for what you have

A thankful heart is a humble and happy heart.

32. it’s okay to cry

Crying is a byproduct of emotion that is a character of being human. Don’t be ashamed to feel all of your feelings.

33. smile more than you frown

It’s easier to dwell on the negative things. Challenge yourself to smile even then. People treat you differently when you smile.

34. stand up straight

Remember? You are the sun. And the sun sets only at dusk.

35. (almost always) tell the truth

Practice living in your truth always. Learn to judge when everyone isn’t worthy of that broadcast.

36. look people in the eyes when you talk to them

Some will need to indulge the fire in your eyes, while others will starve to see the humanity there.

37. always get there early

When you are early, you’re less stressed, you’re ready for the unexpected, you get the best seat and you’re always on time.

38. always consider the consequence

And take responsibility there.

39. seek God always

Therein you’ll find your purpose.

“It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men.” -Frederick Douglass

BHM and Being Invisible in February

We’re halfway through BHM and it has been everything but a celebration. From the ongoing divisive antics of a petty president to the embattled leadership at the highest state level wearing blackface as a party favor to the continuing collective silence on the pervasiveness of police brutality, I don’t feel my heritage is very much celebrated. If it is called out in any way, it seems to be more of a prop to promote a personal agenda (Kamala and Corey, I’m side-eyeing you).

Pardon my assumption. There is a chance you have no idea what BHM is. BHM is the politically correct, corporate-adopted acronym for Black History Month. The use of such a cipher isn’t for the sake of preserving syllable efficiency. Its use is allegedly to be less offensive to white onlookers who would wonder why we need such an observation in 2019 in the first place. I mean didn’t we level the playing field with Barack Obama?

Actually, no.

Black History Month in 2019 remains very necessary because we still have a large number of state-sponsored institutions that see fit to exclude the contributions and influence that Black people have had on the nation and the world. If all you know about Black heritage is Martin Luther King, Malcolm X and slavery, then you are in a state of willful ignorance. We are so much more than that.

What seems to be at play instead is to simply act as we don’t exist; to treat us as invisible except when it’s cool move like us, run like us and “fake” look like us, all the while hating us. But we are not invisible. We are quite distinguishable, intelligent, influential, innovative and prevalent. There is more to us than “some balling and some dancing.”

In 1976, President Gerald Ford urged Americans to “seize the opportunity to honor the too-often neglected accomplishments of black Americans in every area of endeavor throughout our history.” This came after learning of six years of enthusiastic celebration throughout the country among many educational institutions and community centers.

And here we are in 2019. Black History Month is not just for Black people to observe. It’s for all American people to retrieve those figurative pages that have been torn from our history books. Black people’s culture and contributions are very much ingrained in the fabric of this nation.

Invisible Man by Ralph Ellison is one of my favorite books of all time. The novel, published in 1952, is a social and intellectual piece about the issues facing Blacks which include identity and government. It is on the Modern Library List of the 100 Best Novels of the 20th Century and if you’re looking for something appropriate to read to commemorate this month, this is an excellent one to consider. The preface leads with the following quote…

“I am invisible, understand, simply because people refuse to see me. Like the bodiless heads you see sometimes in circus sideshows, it is as though I have been surrounded by mirrors of hard, distorting glass. When they approach me they see only my surroundings, themselves or figments of their imagination, indeed, everything and anything except me.”
― Ralph Ellison, Invisible Mann

the ballad of Autumn Penelope

she collapses onto her back,

making snow angels where snow had yet to fall

wearing a scarf and bonnet with a bow,

this maiden is still without gall

cancer and circumstance had stolen much from her,

since she was but a wee child

a sundry of loved ones had left her,

yet Autumn Penelope never abandoned her smile

the seasons give her consolation

that as often as things would change

there was an accord in the cyclic routine

that, as often, life remains the same

the thaw of Winter rolled down her cheeks,

while Spring’s hope lept in her womb,

Summer happened along to remind her

that she would not be forsaken as unmarked tombs

she was always faithful in waiting

while believing, staring into the cerulean sky

beyond branches and leaves, insomnia and dreams,

she would understand it better by and by

her namesake is her sanctuary

where leaves applaud, wind lauds and colors elope

Autumn Penelope smiles in anticipation

that soon early Winter gives birth to her Hope.

Felona Mabel – gorgeous paperback

Finally finally, the Wedding & Disaster of Felona Mabel saw it’s worldwide paperback release today, June 9. I’m elated to share this epic project with you. I wrote the book, painted the cover, designed the title and composed the interior layout. You can get your gorgeous, signed paperback at felonamabel.com.

Intent on some semblance of happily ever after, a woman finds that she must resolve her abusive past before she can truly move forward.

Felona Mabel is a 32-year old, freckled redhead of mixed heritage who has amassed much success as a news reporter in the populous Admah City.

Two weeks before her wedding day, she’s urged to her estranged hometown of Nathaniel where her mother lies comatose and dying. Her abusive mother wishes to not be resuscitated in the event of a declining condition that has been provoked by her chronic battle with lupus.

Felona, intent on some semblance of happily ever after, resolves that her mother’s impending death may be necessary closure before her wedding.

But things become complicated very quickly due to ill judgment aggravated by failure to resolve her abusive past.

Before she can move forward, Felona must contend with her worst adversary – herself.