Sarah Barnard's Blog, page 17

Goodbye, my friend.

I don't often post personal stuff in here but this has been running round in my head for a while.

A few years ago, around the time I was writing the first Portal series book, I was a frequent visitor on a number of internet chat sites. There were a few of us who were there most days. We were from all over the world, so most of us have never met in person. But that doesn't make the feeling of belonging any less. Many of us were having a tough time in our lives and we were there for each other at stupid o'clock. When one of us needed to talk there was invariably someone online who would listen.

Over time we drifted away from the chat boards, went our separate ways and some of the boards closed down, some became internet troll homes, and some just became so quiet that we stopped popping in to them. A small handful of those people, I have stayed in touch with via facebook, email and other avenues. Some, I feel have become proper friends, even if we've never met face to face.

Recently I got a fit of, "Whatever happened to…" and I went in search of some of those friends. One I found who hadn't moved on, was still the same person wandering about cyberspace looking for someone to lean on. One I found happy and content, having fought her demons and won.

But there was one I couldn't find and that sharp edge of concern was there. I looked harder, I sought out mutual friends and old haunts, and there was no sign.

Eventually I found someone who'd found some evidence that she'd committed suicide about a year after the group we'd been part of drifted apart.

Maybe we should have stayed in touch, maybe she wouldn't have done that if we, as a group, hadn't drifted apart. Maybe there's something we could have said, could have done.

Maybe not. We'll never know.

I hope you found some peace, my friend, I hope you got the reunion you hoped for.

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Ask me a question.

Back in November 2005 I started writing The Portal Between (The Portal Series) and I started with Kate waking one cold morning to be greeted by an assortment of children, some of whom were not her own. Some characters grew naturally from that initial dynamic, and others drifted in as they were needed.

Sam was missing and Kate had to help her find her way home, but Kate was increasingly tied up with mothering the children. I needed someone who could be called on to babysit the kids while Kate dealt with the magic and chaos that Sam was about to bring.  In the turbulence that is NaNoWriMo, this involved me yelling at my writing buddy, "I need a new character!"

[image error]A warm hand reached out to brush against her own and she jerked, gasped and almost screamed, but stopped herself, startled from her rambling thoughts. Steaming hot chocolate spilled from the Styrofoam cup and cascaded down her jeans. She stared about, terrified, until she saw Lily, clearly concerned but also covered in hot chocolate. Steam rose in slow curls from her coat and steaming milky chocolate dripped from the hem onto her boots. Lily was a bit shorter than Kate, but not by much. Her eyes were icy blue but laced with a compassionate humour. Her dark hair touched with red, hung in soft waves to just below her shoulders. Today she wore a soft knitted hat and the curls had tightened in the cold damp air so they spilled out in a soft unruly haze. Her long brown coat had taken the brunt of the chocolate spill.

"Oh Gods! I'm sorry, Lily, you made me jump. I was miles away." Kate fumbled in her bag for something to mop up the worst of the chocolate, bursting into unexpected tears. Lily silently handed her a fresh tissue and waited until the tears slowed.

Lily strolled onto the page, fully formed and secretive. She just turned up when she was needed, she knew the answers that Kate and Sam needed and, somehow, she was several steps ahead of me while I wrote. Of the three central women in my Portal series, Lily is probably my favourite, and the one who generates the most questions from readers.

So, here's an offer for you. Lily is going to answer your questions.

She, and I, will reserve the right to fudge her answers, refuse to answer or to reply with "It's complicated." But generally, I'll let her answer pretty much anything you want to ask her.I have a few questions of my own and I'll throw it all together in an interview over the next week.

Leave your questions as comments here and I'll get Lily to come and answer you next weekend.

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She's screaming.

Sage was originally based on a very loose idea, a "What if…"

What if the theory of Gaia as a consciousness was right, in some way. If the Earth managed to find a way to communicate with us, what would it say and how would we understand? What if, when the eco-hippy types claim that the Earth is screaming, they're right? How does the screaming voice of a planet sound?

[image error]"When a world creates enough divergent life, and enough of that life forms enough interactions and a large enough degree of complexity, it creates something incredible." Meeth tried to explain. "An old world with billions of forms of life will sometimes, not always, create a collective mind for itself. When that happens that Planetary Mind will reach out to a tiny handful of sentients from it's own evolution and it can establish a form of communication with those individuals. We have no idea why this happens, but it does. Gaia is very young, an infant in many ways, but your world has reached out to you, and you can hear it. All I did was turn up the volume."

Sages blinked. She stared at Meeth, needing to see the lie, but finding only truth.

"But she's screaming."

Meeth nodded. "We know."

"She's in agony."

"Meeth nodded again. "We know."

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Cooper's first day.

NaNo day 9. Still ahead of schedule and wordcount pace picking up a little after stalling last weekend. I've skipped ahead a few years and left myself notes to fill in later. I may go back to them during NaNo, I may not, but they'll get filled at some point.

[image error]"Welcome to the Gardiner Trust and to the Hangar, Major Cooper. Please proceed directly to main parking where you will be met by our representative." The voice was female but had that metal edge to it that led him to suspect it was a recording, or a computer generated response. If that's what it was, it was very good.

Cooper had started his career with the Royal Engineers, risen through the ranks quickly and then progressed through the SAS until an injury took him out of action for the best part of six months. That had resulted in his being shunted onto office duties, which he'd loathed with a passion. At forty five years old, Cooper felt his career in the army was over, he wanted to be active, not pushing paperwork around. The metal pins and plates that held his left leg together had meant he kept the leg but had also meant that he wasn't as fast or as fit as he needed to be. But his experience was exactly what Sage, and McKinnon, felt was needed for the newly established Hangar base of operations for the EarthLink project. Cooper was open minded, more flexible than most and had a reputation for getting things done. A chance meeting with McKinnon had put him in the frame when McKinnon retired and here he was, driving along a rough, badly maintained track across an apparently abandoned private airfield. The doors to the hangar were closed but one half slid smoothly open as he approached. He drove in and parked his tiny, bright red, Citroen C1 between the Landrover Defender covered in mud with a dented driver door and the scratched silver Renault Laguna. He shook his head at the state of the two vehicles, and he ran a sharp eye around the vast, empty space that was the inside of the old hangar building. There were crates and equipment stacked neatly on one side, a mezzanine walkway roughly a third of the way up the side walls. But it was all clean, neat and tidy.

"Major Cooper." The greeting came from behind the Defender. "Welcome." She held out a hand, and offered a strong, confident shake. "I'm Sage Gardiner, get in the car."

I've hit that NaNo thing of trying to fill the word count target while keeping the pace of the story. There are times that it slips out of balance so badly that it's just words for the sake of the day's target, and that's happening here. Sage will need extensive cutting before editing and even then it'll be a much more slim line version before this sees anyone's kindle. There are huge swathes of waffle in here that are really and truly totally unnecessary. But it's all hanging together much better and is looking more like a proper story with a story arc that follows through a series of incidents – it's almost a plot!

My Other Books on Amazon UK.

My Other Books on Amazon US.

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Ganymede

NaNoWriMo day 8 today. How are you all doing? I've just had 2 days off. Life got in the way and I think I wrote about 500 words over the two days. I feel partly like I've lost speed, lost ground and partly refreshed too.

I've had to abandon Backwards Reward NaNo. I'm three days and 5,000 words behind, and there's no way I can get back on schedule for that. But, I'm still ahead of target for Normal Nano so following the backwards program still worked to an extent.I'm pleased I tried.

So, Sage is progressing towards an almost complete first part and starting work on a second phase. It's all the same story, and a single work for NaNo purposes but I may split it for ebook release. The important thing is that it feels more complete now and I think I may have something workable when I'm done.

Oh, you want an extract?

Sage is getting ready to leave Ganymede and return to Earth to fulfil her role as Link.

[image error]They were waiting in the small hospital like room, standing silently beside the bed like identical twins.

~Please sit.~ A voice arrived in her mind.

A hand with elongated fingers, with far too many joints, gestured towards the bed and an image of a figure sitting on the bed came into her mind. She should sit with her back to them and with her legs dangling off the side, perched on the bed as if it was a chair.

This time, Sage watched them carefully and neither spoke aloud, their small, thin mouths never moving. Slit nostrils tight but just fluttering with each breath they took and enormously black almond eyes blinking slowly in unison. She stood for a moment, really seeing them for the first time. She sat on the bed, uncomfortable with her back to them as long fingers eased away the collar of her shirt. She tensed, flinched as something cold brushed against her skin.

~Apologies. It is not invasive, merely a recording.~

"That doesn't help it feel any better." Sage muttered, forcing her shoulders down and trying to sit as still as she could.

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Recommendations.

Where are we? Oh, yeah, NaNo day 6 and my word count is 17585, which puts me just ahead of Backwards schedule and 4 days ahead of Regular schedule. I'm quite pleased with that.

The story isn't going quite where I wanted it to, but that's the beauty of NaNo. I'm hoping that Sage will be, at least in part, ready for editing by the end of the month.

To Council Link Yeft, Greetings.

[image error]The condition of possible EarthLink Primary Sage Gardiner is currently being fully assessed. However, initial findings indicate that memory adaptation would be counterproductive and there is a high probability of permanent harm from such a procedure. The additional bonding with the cortical interface has produced the unexpected effect of enhancing control of the Link with Gaia. I am forwarding all data with this message, but Ganymede's official recommendation is that Sage Gardiner be integrated into the Link facility immediately and that she is utilised as fully as possible in a final attempt to save her birth world.

We suggest reinforcing the connection with McKinnon and his team on Earth, allowing TransRift travel freely for selected individuals and the commencement of Rift Engineering training to enable on the ground maintenance if Rift enabled vehicles.

We strongly recommend the continuance of the current level of invisibility for the present time and for the foreseeable future.

We offer our gratitude for your consideration in this matter,

Meeth.

Sub-Director, Ganymede Medical and Observation Platform.

Weekends are hard for me in terms of writing. I have my kids at home and we all need to spend family time together. Today it was playing in rugby matches, and it was an away game so about half an hours drive away. This morning was up early, drive to rugby, watch kids play, socialise with other rugby parents in the Autumn sunshine and then drive home. It was lots of fun. Kids won two matches and lost one, but played well so a good result.

But we all need this, we need time away from the computer, away from the pretend people who live in our heads. Fellow Nano participants, go and take a walk, clear your head, recharge your imaginations. You'll feel better and write better.

My Books on Amazon UK.

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From the beginning.

NaNoWriMo day 5.

Words flying and story progressing. But how is it different this year? Some years I've gone for the total pantser approach and began with literally one or two characters and a starting point. Some years I've planned meticulously. Mostly I've had a rough idea and just let it develop organically. This year is none of those. I have Sage, who I've been writing about for about two years now, and I have several files of work on her and her adventures. I have scenes, bits of dialogue, descriptions and notes. I have a rough outline of what I want to happen. I even have an idea of how I want to release her stories. Yes, it's a series, probably.

This year I have a set of notes to work through, a list of characters and a timeline. Certain things need to happen in order to place Sage where she needs to be for the bits I've already written.

Add to that, I need to kick this story in the butt to get it moving and get part of it finished so I can get it edited and released for you lot to read in full.

A short piece from NaNo Day One – the very beginning of Sage's story.

[image error]The blue fiesta lay on its roof, smoking gently in the dark, lights dead and engine not running although there was that distinctive pinging sound that accompanied cooling metal. The driver's door was shoved partially open but not enough for anyone to escape from the wreck. Sage slumped upside down, resting against the roof with her legs tangled in the steering wheel. Her eyes were almost closed, only a thin line of white showing under the lids, and she didn't move.

The new moon slid room behind thin clouds but didn't cast much light. The farm, too far away to have heard or seen anything, nestled in a dip in the gently rolling moorland. Neither the slumbering occupants in the farmhouse, nor the animals in the fields and barn, nor Sage, still unmoving in the battered fiesta, saw the craft ease through the air and come to rest in the field near the upturned car.

To those of you reading along and offering encouragement, thank you, it's always much appreciated. To those of you writing frantically beside me, keep going, you can do it. Just one word after another, after another. Grab another coffee, just do another hundred words before you go shopping, before you go to bed. Fit those smaller chunks in wherever you can and you'll be there at 50,000 words before you know it.

There are those who, like me, have done NaNo for several years. It doesn't get easier. In many ways it gets harder, because you know what to expect and the pressure to succeed, again, is huge. Even if it's just your own pressure.

My Books on Amazon UK.

My Books on Amazon US.

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She woke him up.

NaNoWriMo 2001, day 3. Still, just, ahead of Backwards schedule, still three days ahead of regular schedule. Still battering my keyboard for hours every day. I love November!

[image error]"McKinnon here, what is it?" He was in uniform, but dishevelled and he hadn't shaved. Meeth swallowed a smile, unlike his usual neat image, he was almost attractive when a bit scruffy. "Meeth? Problem?" He lifted a mug that steamed as he blew across it. He sipped, grimaced at the heat and put it down again.

"The police investigation? We have several possible solutions."

"You woke me for this?" He was indignant and Meeth was amused. He didn't often get indignant, or annoyed, it suited him.

"You did say it was urgent." She reminded him.

"Not this bloody urgent!" He tried the mug again and grimaced. "Sugar!" He set the mug down and Meeth could hear the clinking of a spoon as he added sugar and stirred. "OK, I'm awake, what solutions?"

"What's the weather like?"

McKinnon's face screwed up in total confusion. "What's that got to do with it?"

"What's the weather like?" Meeth persisted. "Think about it, McKinnon. I have Earth's first and only Link here, out of range and the Gaia mind is still in infancy. I can see your news, I can see what they're reporting."

"Ah." He drank more coffee. "That's a reaction to her being with you?"

"Yes. Scans confirm surging within the planetary mind." Meeth rubbed her hand through her short, white hair. "She needs to go home."

I need to get Sage home, and to establish the shape of her future so she can step into it. I think I need more aliens….. and more spacehips. And Sage needs a car.

3,000 words needed today, better get on with it then! While you're waiting for more Sage, you could go and check out my other books?

My Books on Amazon UK.

My Books on Amazon US.

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Looking Up.

NaNo is progressing well, and even with the extra punishing schedule of Backwards NaNo, I'm still ahead of either that or the regular schedule.

So far, Sage, aged 18, has stolen a car, crashed it and almost killed herself doing so. She was only saved because the alien spaceship assigned to watch over her broke all the rules and saved her life. They're are in so much trouble if Meeth can't smooth things over for them!

She's on Ganymede and Meeth has decided to just go ahead and act, to show Sage where she is and hope that the teenager will respond the right way and become who she needs to be.

[image error]"Look around, what do you see?" Meeth asked. Sage frowned. Meeth's voice had been so quiet that she wasn't sure she'd heard correctly.

Sage tore her gaze from Meeth's laughing, watchful smile, and she looked round.

"Chairs, a stone floor, a big dome thing like a giant greenhouse but it's cold, and not really bright enough to be a greenhouse," she began and Meeth waited as Sage's gaze widened to see beyond the clear dome.

Beyond the transparent glass was a beautifully desolate landscape pitted with valleys and peaks all covered in ice. It glittered against the velvet dark of night. "Where are we?" she asked slowly.

"Sit down." Meeth murmured softly, Sage flicked a quick glance towards her. Annoyed, and unnerved, by the amusement she saw, Sage reached for a chair and sat. It was soft, padded, comfy, but a bit large. Big enough to sprawl in if she'd felt safer, more relaxed. She perched on the edge and stared out at the cold world.

Inevitably her eyes were drawn to the inky black of the sky, so much darker than she had ever seen before, the stars so much brighter and clear. And in that black sky, blotting out those crystal clear stars was something else.

"Holy Shit!" Sage barked, the words exploding from her before she could stop to think.

And now, on with writing more words. Please send encouragement, tea, and chocolate. Or you could go and buy a book so I can refill the snacks.

My Books on Amazon UK.

My Books on Amazon US.

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Smack

In previous years I have blogged most, or all, of my nano writing as I go. It's just pasted up raw and unedited, messy and incomplete. You all seem to enjoy it but I wonder about the wisdom and sense of posting it all here.

So, this year I will share some, but only short snippets, a paragraph or two from each day's writing. You won't get the whole thing, just a taste!

So, today. Sage is eighteen years old, going off the rails fast. She's a petty thief, a thorn in the side of local law enforcement and seems to enjoy getting into trouble. She's been labelled as a psych case, she hears voices. But she'll tell you it's not voices really, just one voice and it doesn't speak. It screams. It screams in agony, she can feel the pain and it's unbearable.

But it's all in her head, isn't it?

From yesterday's words.

Now she was more awake, more aware, and alone, she examined the bed, the wall cupboard and the silent monitor. On the surface they looked just like a regular hospital bed in a normal hospital room. But the bathroom door was peculiar, as was the main door into the room. And the wall cupboard simply wouldn't open for her. The silent monitor scrawled wriggling lines and illegible symbols across the screen and it didn't seem to be connected to anything. Something red flashed in one corner, insistent and annoying. Sage scowled at it, wondering what it meant.

She rubbed at the back of her head, an itch above the beginnings of a headache. "Great, I really need a bastard hangover right now." Head swimming, she leaned on the door. It didn't open, and there was no handle. "Locked in," she grumbled, "fabulous." Turning away from the door, Sage's feet slipped and she staggered, clutching at the bed to regain her balance. Then she crumpled.

The door slid upwards as she slumped and the figure in the opening wasn't anywhere close to human, neither was the one behind. Meeth raced towards them, barrelling through the door after the medical team who had been alerted by the silent alarm and who were more concerned with the welfare of their patient than with secrecy.

"What the f…" Sage mumbled as her eyes rolled and the floor sped upwards to smack the side of her face.

Sage is an existing character from a project I've been working on for a while now and I want to kick her into gelling into something I can publish. This is from her beginnings, where she is catapulted into being who and what she is to become, before she's really ready.

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