Golda Poretsky's Blog, page 20
January 23, 2012
Is There Hope For Fat Kids?
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Every once in a while, I meet someone in their 20′s who's been part of the fat positive community since his/her young teens. Often, they found fat pride as a result of a late night Google search that led them to a blog or two. They often tell me they never(!) dieted and focused on approving of their body from a young age. Sometimes, they even influenced their friends and spread body positivity in school, college, etc.
Fat Kid All Grown Up! Activist Marilyn Wann Parodies The Strong4Life Campaign
I get so excited when I hear these stories. If fat positivity was reaching kids ten years ago, imagine who it's reaching now! We could be supporting a whole new generation of kids to practice Health At Every Size ®, to know that dieting is not the answer, to know that their bodies are perfect just as they are!
I think this is definitely happening (and if you're a young'un who reads this blog, please feel free to comment and say hi!) but at the same time, I feel like there is even more pressure on fat kids nowadays to change their bodies. This is nearly unfathomable to me, because as a kid growing up mostly in the 80′s, I felt so much shame and pressure around my fatness, and it's hard to imagine it being worse. But according to people who ignore statistics, childhood obesity is on the rise. And rather than look at the real issues, like child poverty, food deserts and the fact that our fat shaming society is actually bad for kids and their health, groups like Children's Healthcare of Atlanta decide to put the onus on fat kids, shaming them for, well, eating, and eating at places that actually donate money to the campaign. (By the way, fat activists have been doing some amazing work to take down the so-called "Strong4Life" campaign. If you're interested in getting involved, check out this site and this Facebook group. For a quick action you can take, sign the petition.)
As I wrote last week, I would really like to live in a society where fat shaming and discrimination are a thing of the past. I hope to meet more and more young folks (and eventually, older folks) who found body acceptance and HAES® early, felt supported in approving of their bodies, and went on to do great things because body image was never an issue.
One way to support this Body Love Revolution is to support the adults in fat children's lives. So I'd like to share some tips for the parents/guardians/grandparents/aunts/uncles etc. out there. If you're reading this blog, you're probably already aware of body positivity and want to instill it in the kids in your life. If you have fat kids, you probably get pressure all the time to do something about their "weight problem." I can only imagine the pressure you feel. And of course, you only have a limited amount of impact on your kids, since they live in this messed up, fat shaming society too. But here are a few tips just to support you:
1) Demonstrate The Beauty Of Body Diversity — From the beauty industry to the medical industry, we're bombarded with messages about the kind of bodies that are "good," "healthy," and "beautiful." These categories are often applied to only a tiny segment of the population, and the rest of us are expected to strive to achieve bodies that are more like this ideal. As much as possible, try to show your children that a diversity of bodies is really beautiful. Marilyn Wann's Fat!So? book is particularly great for this — each chapter features a diversity of arms, bellies, legs etc. to show this beauty in diversity. Whether you're 7 or 70, it can feel great to have these reminders.
Dr. Linda Bacon Stands For Kids Too
2) Bring Resources With You When You Deal With Authority Figures — There are probably people in your life and your kid's life who pressure you to get your kid to diet. Diets don't work for kids or adults, but that doesn't stop doctors, teachers, etc. from pressuring you to put your kid on one. Having a bit of research in front of you so that you can better advocate for your child can be really helpful. Check out Linda Bacon's incredibly helpful letters that you can bring with you to help explain why you're using HAES® with your kids (and yourself).
3) Make Your Home A Body Positive Space — Think of your home as an oasis from fat shame. What might need to change? Maybe there are a few magazines that idealize thin bodies that you don't want to buy anymore? Maybe you want to tell your friends that you're going to change the conversation if they start talking about how "bad" they are for eating something. Maybe your bathroom scale needs to be replaced with something snazzier. Getting intentional about creating a body positive home environment can be great for you and your kids.
4) Don't Make Weight Loss The Answer — Despite the fact that fatness makes kids a target for bullying, protecting fat kids from bullying seems to be a low priority. Since you hate to see your kids get picked on, you may think that dieting and weight loss are the answer. But they aren't the answer. They just set your child up for more physical and mental health issues, including low self esteem and negative body image. I'm no expert on bullying, but the more you remind your child that the bully is wrong and that his/her body is perfect the way it is, the better.
5) Get Body Positive Support For Yourself — I think it's the rare person who escapes childhood and adolescence without body image issues, whether they're fat or thin. Fat positive community tends to be welcoming to lots of body types, because people understand that fat pride is about acknowledging that body shaming hurts all of us. So look for blogs and groups (whether online or local) that feel supportive. Also consider talking to a HAES therapist or coach (like me!) to support you in feeling great about your body.
Golda is a certified holistic health counselor and founder of Body Love Wellness, a program designed for plus-sized women who are fed up with dieting and want support to stop obsessing about food and weight. Go to http://www.bodylovewellness.com/free to get your free download — Golda's Top Ten Tips For Divine Dining! And, please join her and twenty of the biggest names in HAES(R) and Fat Acceptance at the Body Love Revolutionaries Telesummit (including Marilyn Wann and Linda Bacon, mentioned above)!
Is There Hope For Fat Kids? originally appeared on Body Love Wellness on January 23, 2012.
January 16, 2012
Being On The Right Side Of History
by Golda Poretsky, H.H.C.
www.bodylovewellness.com
Listen to the podcast of this post here:
Recently, one of my clients told me that one of the reasons why she was fighting for gay marriage rights in her state was that she wanted to be "on the right side of history." She hopes that someday gay marriage will be so non-controversial that years from now she'll have grandchildren that won't be able to conceive of a time when the right to marry was dependent upon the sex of the participants. I really hope that her vision of the future comes true.
Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. (Image courtesy of The Seattle Times)
Similarly, I like to envision a future where discrimination based on weight is not only illegal, but obviously nonsensical. I like to envision a world where all of the negative things that are ascribed to fatness are no longer so ascribed, where people really are judged for the "content of their character," (to quote Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.), rather than the size of their bodies. My hope is that being on the right side of history means seeing weight oppression as the baseless, useless, horrifically detrimental thing that it is, and that future generations will see that more clearly.
I had always seen The Civil Rights Act and cases like Griswold v. Connecticut as settled. I thought that the hard fought battle for civil rights had resulted in legislation and court decisions that the vast majority of Americans now understood as a very obvious good idea. Even if implementation was messy at least the truths were self-evident. Now, actual, allegedly viable contenders (cough, Ron Paul, cough) for President are pro-repeal. And as for gay rights, just please go ahead and google Santorum.
Despite all this angling on the Right to be the craziest extremist, I think the majority of people do support civil rights and they understand that discrimination is harmful and unfair. So now if we can just pull the wool from their eyes and get them to see the harm in weight oppression, perhaps they'll join us on the right side of history.
Happy Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
Golda is a certified holistic health counselor and founder of Body Love Wellness, a program designed for plus-sized women who are fed up with dieting and want support to stop obsessing about food and weight.
Go to http://www.bodylovewellness.com/free to get your free download — Golda's Top Ten Tips For Divine Dining! And, please join her and twenty of the biggest names in HAES(R) and Fat Acceptance at the Body Love Revolutionaries Telesummit!
Being On The Right Side Of History originally appeared on Body Love Wellness on January 16, 2012.
January 11, 2012
NPR's Weight Problem
For years, liberals like me had lauded NPR for reporting on stories that you wouldn't hear anywhere else. They could be counted on for revealing a different perspective on societal and political issues.
But when it comes to weight, NPR has a big problem. Recently, as part of NPR's series on obesity in America, it's been running sickeningly laudatory reports on weight loss high schools. (Trigger Warning for talk of calorie restriction and the merits of weight loss. Plus, if you formerly liked NPR you might start to think that defunding it is a good idea. )
The piece below offers a different perspective, and gives you a sense of what these schools really teach: obsessive behaviors, extreme calorie restriction, body hatred, and outright lies.
by Sarah Yahm
And while we're on the topic of fat kids, please click here to petition to end Georgia's fat shame campaign against kids.
Golda is a certified holistic health counselor and founder of Body Love Wellness, a program designed for plus-sized women who are fed up with dieting and want support to stop obsessing about food and weight. Go to http://www.bodylovewellness.com/free to get your free download — Golda's Top Ten Tips For Divine Dining! And, please join her and twenty of the biggest names in HAES(R) and Fat Acceptance at the Body Love Revolutionaries Telesummit!
NPR's Weight Problem originally appeared on Body Love Wellness on January 11, 2012.
January 9, 2012
Intuitive Living
by Golda Poretsky, H.H.C.
www.bodylovewellness.com
Listen to the podcast of this post here:
I'm writing this post by hand in bed. Sitting at my computer in my office wasn't working for me, and I felt that if I changed my location and switched to pen and paper I'd be able to write. I knew instinctively that doing so would help me with this post, so I happily acted on that instinct.
So far so good!
This post is on a topic near and dear to my heart. As most of you know, one of the techniques I work on with clients is intuitive eating. This is highly transformative process that allows people to reconnect with their hunger, fullness, and internal sense of what really nourishes them.
Sometimes intuitive living takes some juggling (Image Courtesy Of http://www.retronaut.co/)
As you can imagine, what nourishes you often goes beyond food. Figuring out what food supports you in feeling your best can be just the beginning of a deeper process of finding out what else needs to shift and change in your life to support you. In fact, if you take a deep breath right now and ask yourself, "What nourishes me?" you might be surprised by some of the answers you receive. Relationships, work, our homes, spirituality, exercise, hobbies, etc. can all be incredibly nourishing.
This process of listening in to what you want and need and acting upon it is what I like to call intuitive living. The more you act upon that voice inside you that pushes you toward what you really need, the more you feel like your life is really yours. This process is incredibly rewarding and worthwhile, so I'm going to break down the technique for you here.
How To Get More Intuitive
Step 1: Ask – Step one is asking yourself questions like, "What is nourishing to me? What would be fulfilling for me? What would be fun or enjoyable for me right now?" This is a process of learning what you need, what makes you tick, what makes you feel satisfied with your life.
Step 2: Listen — In order for step one to work, you have to be willing to hear the answers. You have to allow yourself to be okay with everything that comes up, even if what comes up involves major, possibly scary life decisions. Just stay open and respect the answers that come. The more willing you are to listen, the louder and more crystal clear your internal intuition will become.
Step 3: Act On Information (Even/Especially The Small Stuff) – This step is often the hard part. This is the part where we take the information we gleaned in step one and take some action. Sometimes it's easy to take action — like when your gut says it would be nice to go see a movie and you have a free afternoon and the movie theatre is a block from your house. It's important to act on these intuitive messages as much as you can, even if it seems nonsensical. (For example, I have finally learned that when I drive somewhere I should go the way my instinct tells me, even if it seems out of the way. When I don't, I always encounter more traffic and problems than I expect.)
Sometimes, though, it's much harder and more complicated to act upon your intuition. It can involve more planning, like a career change, or more emotional readiness, like ending a relationship. (Believe me, I've been there. It only took me about ten years to act on my gut feeling from the first semester of law school that working full time as a lawyer for the rest of my life was a really bad idea.)
Mindset Shift: Prioritize Your Desires – In order to really live intuitively, you need to prioritize your desires. You have to prioritize nourishing your soul. There are going to be days when you're confronted with conflicts like staying at work or following your desire to go to a yoga class. In fact, probably nearly every day, you're going to be confronted with a cascade of shoulds and the question of how and where and when to displace them with what you intuitively feel is right for you. More and more, as you work through this process, de-prioritize the shoulds.
Being In The Flow
When you practice intuitive living, you automatically feel more in the flow. You're in the right place at the right time more often, you talk to someone who gives you the answer to something you were questioning, opportunities come your way that align more with what you want.
Here's an example from my own life. About 15 months ago, I was interviewed by Autumn of The Beheld blog (the post didn't appear until more recently.) Around the time of the interview, the blog featured a post about how she'd completely stopped using shampoo on her hair. I was really intrigued by it, and sort of wanted to do it, but rationalized reasons why I just couldn't. Nearly a year later, I finally decided to act on my intuition and try "no-poo" and now, three months into it, I really love it. It took a lot of investigating into how to do "no-poo" right, and in the forums I found on it I also found a lot of people who use only body art quality henna to color their hair. I'd been coloring and highlighting my hair for about 7 years, but my scalp was always irritated by commercial hair dyes, even the ones that were supposed to be more natural. Henna is a little complicated, but luckily Amanda of Love Your Body Detroit is an avid henna user and ended up providing me with great tips on henna. (I have it happily plopped on my head as I write this.) Once I stopped using shampoo, my commercially produced body washes felt too harsh on my skin, so I started using natural soap and I (and my skin) are so much happier. Finally, going "no-poo" also lead me to get rid of a lot of the hair products that were cluttering the top of my dresser, because when you don't use shampoo you can't use hair products that cause build up. I found that I really liked using less products and having less products cluttering my space. I wanted to declutter more, but I felt like I needed support in changing my mindset on what to keep and what to let go of. Then, about three weeks ago, seemingly out of the blue, my client Nadira mentioned how a book called The Joy of Less had helped her and her husband pare down their possessions and create lots of wonderful space in their home. I bought the book and it helped me immensely. And while this is an ongoing project, I can happily say that I'm writing this to you from my significantly decluttered and spacious feeling bedroom.
In other words, listening to my intuition about not using shampoo put me on a trajectory that led to a lot of lovely changes in my life. Of course, if I hadn't listened to it, I'd probably be okay, but I wouldn't have gotten to enjoy the happiness that less irritated skin and a less cluttered apartment has brought me.
I would love to hear about your experiments with intuitive living. Please let me know how it goes in the comments section below or on my Facebook page.
Golda is a certified holistic health counselor and founder of Body Love Wellness, a program designed for plus-sized women who are fed up with dieting and want support to stop obsessing about food and weight.
Go to http://www.bodylovewellness.com/free to get your free download — Golda's Top Ten Tips For Divine Dining! And, please join her and twenty of the biggest names in HAES(R) and Fat Acceptance at the Body Love Revolutionaries Telesummit!
Intuitive Living originally appeared on Body Love Wellness on January 9, 2012.
January 3, 2012
Join Me For The 2nd Annual Body Love Revolutionaries Telesummit!
The Body Love Revolutionaries Telesummit Is Back & Bigger Than Ever!
Last year, over 400 of you signed up to stake your claim as Body Love Revolutionaries. You joined us on live calls with some of the most bad ass folks in fat acceptance and HAES(R).
This year, we're back with a group of twenty (!) amazing people who are at the forefront of this revolution for this telesummit.
I'll be talking Fat Activism with Marilyn Wann, Amanda Levitt and Peggy Howell, Fat Health with Linda Bacon and Ragen Chastain, Fatshion with Marie Denee, Rachel Kacenjar, and Yuliya Raquel, Fat Sex with Hanne Blank and Virgie Tovar, Fat Blogging and Social Media with Marianne Kirby, Margitte Kristjansson, and Brian Stuart, Fat Fitness with Jeanette DePatie and Anna Guest-Jelley, Fat/Queer Intersections with Bevin Branlandingham, Charlotte Cooper and Jessica Luxery, and Fat Politics & History with Paul Campos and Amy Farrell.
When you register, you'll get free live access to all of the interviews, and you'll have the opportunity to get your questions answered by our panel.
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lick here to learn more and register! I can't wait to see you there!
Join Me For The 2nd Annual Body Love Revolutionaries Telesummit! originally appeared on Body Love Wellness on January 3, 2012.
January 2, 2012
My New Year's Resolution — Take Back January!
by Golda Poretsky, H.H.C.
www.bodylovewellness.com
Listen to the podcast of this post here:
It feels inevitable. December is all about holidays and parties and joy and togetherness. There are bright lights and gifts and delicious food and hundreds of tubas playing carols. At least, that's the hope. It's a time of year when we try, as best we can, to connect with our abundance and our joy.
Cupid Is Taking Back January From Father Time (it's one interpretation) (image courtesy of graphicsfairy)
Then, suddenly, January 2nd rolls around, and we're asked to drop all of that merriment and get real. We're supposed to take note of our flaws and resolve to be better — to eat better, to exercise more, to party less, to stop having such a darn good time and get down to work, usually on ourselves.
I just hate it. I hate this pattern that we're told to recreate every year. I hate this pattern of flagellating ourselves for our fun, or joy, our willingness to let go of some rules and just have fun. I'm tired of the pendulum swing, the "or" and not the "and."
So here's what I propose. Let's (quite literally) have our cake and eat it too. Let's savor the cake and the kale. Let's get more exercise by dancing more with friends. Let's love our bodies because they're ours, because they're a gift, and not have our self approval depend on how well they meet some totally arbitrary societal standard.
I'm dead serious about this. So if you're ready to join me in taking back January, check out my 2011-2012 Transition & Manifestation Book (today's the last day that you can download it for free) and join me for the 2nd Annual Body Love Revolutionaries Telesummit, where I'll be interviewing 20 outrageously fabulous people at the forefront of Health At Every Size® and body acceptance. Together, we can make this January way more fun and fulfilling.
Golda is a certified holistic health counselor and founder of Body Love Wellness, a program designed for plus-sized women who are fed up with dieting and want support to stop obsessing about food and weight. Go to http://www.bodylovewellness.com/free to get your free download — Golda's Top Ten Tips For Divine Dining!
My New Year's Resolution — Take Back January! originally appeared on Body Love Wellness on January 2, 2012.
December 27, 2011
Free 2011-2012 Transition & Manifestation Book Is Now Available!
Golda Poretsky, HHC
http://www.bodylovewellness.com
The older I get, the more I feel like time is just flying by. Sometimes I feel like there are so many good moments to enjoy and so many difficult ones to learn from and grow from, and yet, I can't seem to slow down enough to really take stock.
That's why, over the last few years, I've developed a very special New Year's ritual, that grounds me in acceptance of what is and gives me clarity on what I want going forward.
Because I'm so committed to you getting the benefits of this ritual too, I developed a free, easy-to-follow workbook so that you can do the ritual too. (This is an updated version of the one I shared last year, so feel free to get it again!) This workbook will only be available for free through midnight Eastern on January 2nd, so get yours now!
Here are the basics:
First, I make a gratitude list of all the things I'm grateful for that happened in 2011. It's my way of digesting the year and remembering the good (and tough situations) that have come my way.
Next, I make desire lists of all the things I want in 2012. I break this down into specific categories that I share with you in the workbook. This is my way of getting real clarity on my true desires, so that I can enjoy the process of manifesting them.
Then, last but not least, I list my intentions for 2012. These are the things that I'm committed to doing, changing and experiencing in 2011. These are different than the desire lists, and I explain that in the workbook.
This is an extremely powerful process for getting clarity about what you truly want in life and starting the process of manifesting it. So I encourage you to download the workbook now and get started!
I would like a copy of your FREE New Year's Manifestation Ritual Workbook.
Send me the details at my email address below.
Name
Please note, upon registration, you will also receive a complimentary subscription to the Body Love Wellness Newsletter. We will not share, rent or sell your information to any other organization.
Feel free to post your comments and let me know what you enjoyed about this process, what you're grateful for, desiring or intending!
Golda Poretsky, HHC is a certified holistic health counselor and founder of Body Love Wellness, a program designed for plus-sized women who are fed up with dieting and want support to stop obsessing about food and weight.
© Golda Poretsky 2011
Free 2011-2012 Transition & Manifestation Book Is Now Available! originally appeared on Body Love Wellness on December 27, 2011.
December 19, 2011
15 Easy Self Care Ideas
by Golda Poretsky, H.H.C.
www.bodylovewellness.com
Listen to the podcast of this post here:
Most of us are taught that the way to succeed is too work lots of hours, exercise until we can't move, and "rest when we die". We're taught to measure our success by how hard we work and how much we can acquire.
This "no pain, no gain" culture can have many negative effects, including a feeling of emptiness and disconnection from ourselves and others.
Sometimes you just have to say "eff it" and go to a movie. (Image from USA.gov)
We can see this disconnection from our bodies in the way many of us treat our bodies. We stuff ourselves into clothes that are too tight or clothes that we don't even like, we say things to one another like, "I hate my thighs/arms/breasts/_____", we eat highly chemicalized diet foods in an effort to change our body types, we over-exercise to the point of pain and exhaustion. In essence, we treat our bodies with hate and then get angry when our bodies won't do our bidding.
Pleasurable self care reverses this cycle of disconnection and body hatred. I say "pleasurable", because it's important to choose your self care rituals based on what feels good to your body rather than what you think your body should want.
If some lovely idea for a self care ritual has popped into your mind already, do that as your first self care ritual.
Schedule self care every single day. You will find that making time for self care sends a message to you and your body of its intrinsic value, and you will find yourself, more and more, making decisions throughout your day that support your true needs rather than what others expect of you.
Here are 15 ideas for self care rituals, just to get you started.
1) Massage your whole body slowly, with wonderful smelling lotion.
2) Get or give yourself a manicure.
3) Take 10 deep breaths with soothing music playing.
4) Take an dance class.
5) Take a walk in a park and smell the air.
6) Put your feet up and call a friend whom you haven't spoken with in a while.
7) Read a novel by candlelight.
8) Trade foot rubs with a friend.
9) Go to a comedy show and enjoy those big belly laughs.
10) Wear your favorite party clothes or lingerie while doing the dishes.
11) Put a fake tattoo on a body part that you typically denigrate and giggle whenever you see the tattoo.
12) Get a massage, facial or body scrub.
13) Draw a picture like you did when you were a child.
14) Play with your dog (or a friend's dog).
15) Free write in a journal.
As you can see, self care rituals don't have to cost a lot. The key to enjoying your self care ritual is to notice, with all 5 senses, what it feels like to your body. Also, it's important not to judge yourself. This is just playtime, and it's about your enjoyment and nothing more.
Comment below with your favorite self care rituals. Let us know how you felt, before, during and afterwards. Feel free to comment with questions too.
Golda is a certified holistic health counselor and founder of Body Love Wellness, a program designed for plus-sized women who are fed up with dieting and want support to stop obsessing about food and weight. Go to http://www.bodylovewellness.com/free to get your free download — Golda's Top Ten Tips For Divine Dining!
(This post was first published in 2008.)
15 Easy Self Care Ideas originally appeared on on December 19, 2011.
December 12, 2011
The Dreaded Curse Of "Bad" Photos
by Golda Poretsky, H.H.C.
www.bodylovewellness.com
Listen to the podcast of this post here:
Do not adjust your monitors. The image below is not some work of photoshop magic. It is merely a scan of photos that are now irreparably stuck together because they were left on a radiator.
Totally ruined vacation pics
Why would anyone leave perfectly good pictures of a vacation to a tropical paradise atop a hot radiator? That is an excellent question. Well, that picture at the top of the stack was the only picture of myself in the whole stack, and, at the time, I hated it. I couldn't stand how I looked. Back in 2005, before I had heard of fat acceptance, this picture confirmed for me how fat I was (and yes, I'm definitely fatter now). To my mind at the time, fat equaled bad. Consequently, I never put the photos into an album, and "unintentionally" left them on a radiator, where they melded together. I had taken them with a disposable camera (my digital camera died in the middle of my trip), have no idea where the negatives are, and consequently lost all photographic evidence of this trip, save for this melted pile.
As a result of this picture and pressure from people in my life who were doing Weight Watchers, I embarked on my last diet. To make a long story short, I lost a bunch of weight, started gaining it back (like everyone else), found HAES(R) and fat acceptance and eventually gained it all back, plus more.
For the first time since that trip, I'm going on vacation to a tropical local (with my fabulous friend Anne). In the past, I would have avoided any pictures of myself. The fact that I only had one picture of myself from a 5-day trip speaks volumes about my nearly lifelong avoidance of pictures. I never felt good looking at pictures — they weren't reminders of lovely trips and time with friends, they were reminders that I never looked as good or "acceptable" as I thought I did. They just made me depressed.
Even as I got deeper into body acceptance, pictures were still hard for me. I could wrap my head around the idea that fat didn't equal bad, but I always seemed to have more fat than I thought. I always had a bigger double chin, a bigger belly, etc. than I thought.
In the last few years, I've done some great experimenting with photography. I think it all started when I took Lesleigh J. Owen's class at the NAAFA Convention, where she encouraged us to take "bad" pictures of ourselves. Being encouraged to do that was really liberating. I also started to seek out more images of fat people in general, whether they were artfully done like Adipositivity or just regular pictures of regular folks. I realized that I needed to change my perception of what was "normal" or "good" when it came to pictures. I didn't want looking skinnier than usual to be my only criterion for a good picture.
So, I'm hoping to do this vacation a little differently, and end up with some beautiful pictures, including ones of me.
Do any of you have this picture phobia? I hope you'll share in the comments below.
Golda is a certified holistic health counselor and founder of Body Love Wellness, a program designed for plus-sized women who are fed up with dieting and want support to stop obsessing about food and weight. Go to http://www.bodylovewellness.com/free to get your free download — Golda's Top Ten Tips For Divine Dining!
The Dreaded Curse Of "Bad" Photos originally appeared on on December 12, 2011.
December 5, 2011
The Gift Of Receiving
by Golda Poretsky, H.H.C.
www.bodylovewellness.com
Listen to the podcast of this post here:
(I'm bringing an oldie but goodie from 2 years ago back this week. New stuff next week. Enjoy!)
How often have you heard the aphorism, "it's better to give than to receive?"
Well, I've heard it a lot, and I must beg to differ. I think they are equally wonderful, but receiving has gotten too bad of a rap.
(Image courtesy of The Graphics Fairy)
Many of us have become accustomed to over-giving. We over-give of our time, our brainpower, our emotional energy. We do this all year long, and then heighten our over-giving for the holidays, where we buy more presents for others than our budgets really allow, we make food that we don't really like in order to please others, we endure lots of parties we don't want to attend, etc. etc. etc. It's as if we're all suffering from "Over-Giving Syndrome." Amazingly, we do this at the time of year when the nights are the longest, when our bodies are telling us to rest more, to dream more, to restore our energy.
Giving, when done out of a true desire to give, is indeed beautiful and wonderful. But you can't get to that point of pleasurable giving until you've really received.
In other words, you can't pour eggnog from an empty container of eggnog.
(Mmmm… eggnog….)
But I digress. In this season of giving, I want to talk a little about the art of receiving as a cure for Over-Giving Syndrome. How is it done? How do you replenish your energy? How do you refill the eggnog container?
(Mmmm… eggnog…)
I think receiving can be as simple as strategically employing a few simple words.
1) Say "No" More Often — "No" is such simple word, yet so hard to say when you're unaccustomed to it. "No" is one of the best words to use when you feel your energy waning and know that you need to protect it. Practice saying "no" to small things first, just to get used to it. If you typically have trouble saying "no", remember that "no" is a more loving word than it's given credit for. When you say "no" to something you don't want, you are being loving to yourself, your desires, and your needs. In addition, you're being loving to the person who is requesting something of you, because they know where you stand and won't suffer through your resentment for "making you" do something you don't want to do.
2) Say "Yes" More Often — How often do you say "no" to things you want and say "yes" (or acquiesce) to things you don't want? In order to receive joyously, you also have to learn to say "yes" to the things you want. Just like saying "no" to the things you don't want, saying "yes" to things you do want can take some negotiation. Say "yes" to lunch invitations, phone calls from friends, curling up with your favorite new novel, and other things that make you happy. If you want to refill your proverbial cup of eggnog, you'll have to start saying "Yes" when someone cute at the deli accidentally drops it in your cart.
(Did someone say eggnog?)
3) Say "Thank You" (Without Caveats) More Often – Way back when, whenever someone complimented me on my outfit, I would immediately blurt out something like "It was so on sale!" or "Really? It's so old!" or any number of horrendous things that deflected the compliment and made the complimenter sorry she ever said anything. (Okay, so I still do this 10% of the time. I admit it.) I had no idea that I could just say, "Thank you!" I also had no idea that simply saying "thank you" would have the desired effects of (a) allowing me to receive the compliment, (b) making me feel good, and (c) making the complimenter feel good about complimenting me. When someone gives you a gift or a compliment (which is also a gift), saying things like "you shouldn't have" or "oh, no, I look terrible" has the completely undesired effects of (a) deflecting the compliment so that it doesn't sink in and get received, (b) makes you feel bad, and (c) makes the complimenter feel bad because they were just told that their gift was not appreciated or accepted and that they were wrong for giving it.
Who knew it was so easy to receive? A few strategic "yesses", "noes" and "thank you's" and you'll be feeling replenished in no time. Try it and comment to let me know how it goes.
Wishing you a very happy holiday! Have some eggnog for me, will ya?
Golda is a certified holistic health counselor and founder of Body Love Wellness, a program designed for plus-sized women who are fed up with dieting and want support to stop obsessing about food and weight. Go to http://www.bodylovewellness.com/free to get your free download — Golda's Top Ten Tips For Divine Dining!
The Gift Of Receiving originally appeared on on December 5, 2011.
