Golda Poretsky's Blog, page 19

Weight Loss Is NOT An Achievement

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Did the title of this post kind of piss you off?  Good!

The idea that weight loss is a good idea and a worthy achievement is so ingrained in our society that most of us take it for granted.  Of course losing weight is an achievement, right?  We heap praise on anyone who does it.  We flagellate ourselves for not achieving it.

Take a moment to list your real achievements. (Image by Golda Poretsky)

And the worst part . . . no other achievement seems to compare with the high of weight loss.

Last week, I was re-reading Paul Campos's The Obesity Myth in preparation for my Body Love Revolutionaries Telesummit call with him and Amy Erdman Farrell.  It had been a while since I'd read the book, and I had forgotten about his discussion of Susan Estrich, a woman whose many achievements include being the first female editor of the Harvard Law Review, being a Harvard Law professor, and managing a presidential campaign.  Ms. Estrich also wrote a popular diet book, wherein she wrote, "Nothing that I do now or have done in the past . . . has made me prouder, happier, or more fulfilled than losing weight and getting in shape." [1]

This statement would be shocking if it weren't so shockingly normal for women.  Before I was a counselor, I was a lawyer myself, and nearly the entire time that I was attending a rather prestigious law school and working at rather prestigious firms, none of it felt like an achievement compared to fleeting bouts of weight loss.  Why is nothing good enough if we don't fit into a particular dress size? 

Weight loss and the praise we get for it are major self esteem boosts.  But the problem is that the self esteem you gain from weight loss is temporary.  That initial high of praise and satisfaction begins flitting away, so you feel pressure to lose more weight in order to get more praise, and if you gain the weight back (as 85-95% do) your self esteem plummets.

By the way, I'm not saying that weight loss is a bad thing.  For some people, it may happen as a result of healthy, non-restrictive eating and appropriate body movement.  And for others, these things may have no effect or even increase their weight.  But the achievement is engaging in these healthy behaviors, not the weight loss itself.

So how do you avoid the highs and lows of weight loss?  Make a list of your real accomplishments, like graduating from school, being a good friend, eating with pleasure, and moving your body with joy.  The more you focus on these real and totally legitimate achievements, the better you'll feel, and the more stable your self esteem will be.

Golda is a certified holistic health counselor and founder of Body Love Wellness, a program designed for plus-sized women who are fed up with dieting and want support to stop obsessing about food and weight. Go to http://www.bodylovewellness.com/free to get your free download — Golda's Top Ten Tips For Divine Dining!

 

[1] Paul Campos, The Obesity Myth(New York: Gotham Books, 2004) 202 ↩

Weight Loss Is NOT An Achievement originally appeared on Body Love Wellness on March 5, 2012.

Hear Paul Campos & Amy Farrell Talk Fat Politics & History Tomorrow!

You do not want to miss the FINAL event of the Body Love Revolutionaries Telesummit!  Paul Campos and Amy Erdman Farrell will be on to talk about:

Why the diet myth is so pervasive
Fat's effect on the political landscape
Why Clinton/Lewinsky was really about fat
How fat was "read" during different historical eras
Understanding historical fat shame so that you can stop internalizing it

TO GET FREE ACCESS, REGISTER HERE!

The call is set for 8PM Eastern tomorrow (Tuesday, 2/28).  Register for the details.

Check out video of our amazing guests here:

Amy Erdman Farrell on The Colbert Report:



The Colbert Report
Mon – Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c


The Obesity Epidemic – Amy Farrell


www.colbertnation.com









Colbert Report Full Episodes
Political Humor & Satire Blog
Video Archive







Paul Campos At UCLA Center For The Study Of Women:

Hear Paul Campos & Amy Farrell Talk Fat Politics & History Tomorrow! originally appeared on Body Love Wellness on February 27, 2012.

This Week In Fat

Dudes, I need to get real with you.  Between The Body Love Revolutionaries Telesummit and working with clients and living my big fat life, I'm kind of tuckered out!  So this week, I just want to toss you some links to some really good articles that you're totally going to want to read!

Disney's "Lead Bottom" character

Don't Buy Disney — Disney took the baton from Children's Hospital of Atlanta and created a"Habit Heroes" exhibit that takes fat shaming of children to new levels.  In it, the heroes fight The Glutton, The Leadbottom, and The Snacker, who are all depicted as fat, once again conflating not so healthy habits with fat.  Although, it's now been reported that due to public pressure, the exhibit is no more!

Qnexa Is Qrap– Hey!  There's a new diet drug!  It's really an old diet drug (phentermine! speeddddd!) and drug that used for seizures that causes cognitive and mental issues (Topamax) and the evidence is shaky that it actually causes any sort of permanent weight loss (because it probably doesn't).  Now that's exciting!

Ursula The Sea Witch From Disney's The Little Mermaid

Even Pre-Schoolers Have Ingrained Fat Hatred– Even kids who are only 32 months old are likely to perceive a fat character as "mean" and a thin one as "nice."  I know I can't blame Disney for everything, but their animations haven't exactly helped over the years.

Shameless Plug: Campos & Farrell Tomorrow! – The Body Love Revolutionaries Telesummit ends this Tuesday with the awesome and fabulous Paul Campos (author of The Diet Myth) and Amy Erdman Farrell (author of Fat Shame)!  Be there live or get an All Access Pass and get mp3′s of all of the calls!

Golda is a certified holistic health counselor and founder of Body Love Wellness, a program designed for plus-sized women who are fed up with dieting and want support to stop obsessing about food and weight. Go to http://www.bodylovewellness.com/free to get your free download — Golda's Top Ten Tips For Divine Dining!

This Week In Fat originally appeared on Body Love Wellness on February 27, 2012.

No Legislation Without Fat And Female Representation

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Unless you've been living under a lovely rock this week (and I would love to crawl under there with you), you've heard about the Congressional investigation into the Affordable Care Act's birth control mandate spearheaded by Congressman Issa.

Here's an image showing who was allowed to speak.

Congressman Issa's All Male Birth Control Panel

Here are a few words from a woman who originally was asked to speak and then denied that right by Issa:

The only people asked to speak at this conference were men. Not only were they men, but they were all religious leaders who are anti birth control.

So much for fact finding, huh?

As I looked at this panel, my thoughts went to an earlier panel, convened in 2003 to consider "Obesity And Dietary Guidelines."

Here's the first panel:

2003 Congressional Obesity Fact Finding Panel Part 1 (image courtesy of C-Span)

Hmmm, why is this so familiar?

And here's the second panel:

2003 Congressional Obesity Fact Finding Panel Part 2 (image courtesy of C-Span)

So Congress looked into the question of obesity, and thought it completely reasonable to (a) not include any women and (b) not include any fat people!

Back in 2003, I was working as an attorney and happened to read about the hearing. This was before I had an inkling that there was such a thing as fat activism, but I remember remarking to a fellow lawyer (who was pretty slim) that I thought it was wrong to have a hearing about fat people without any fat people present. The response I got was something like, "Of course, there aren't any fat people there. Fat people obviously don't know what to do about the obesity epidemic!"

At the time, her response really hurt. Even if I wasn't a fat activist, I didn't like seeing my body as part of a societal problem. And I thought my colleague was wrong. Legislation is supposed to be well-thought out. Our representatives are supposed to see the intended and unintended effects of the legislation they write, and part of that process is hearing from experts. After a lifetime of being fat in our society, I was an expert on fatness. I knew what it felt like to lose and gain weight over and over, to have trouble finding clothes, to feel like a second-class citizen solely based on my body size. There were millions of us that could have shared our story, so why weren't we asked?

And the decades-long, sad history of the war on fat is that it has been waged on women's bodies especially. The message we get, again and again, is that we should take up as little space as possible. That our voices shouldn't be heard too much, and that voice is only valid if reverberating from a slim, youthful-looking, fair-skinned body. The war on fat is part and parcel of the war on women and the war on people of color.  The message we get is that we should let men (and only men) figure out what's best for us.

Congressman Issa's panel wasn't just a blip, a weird moment in political history.  Neither was that obesity panel.  It is all part and parcel of the war on women's bodies, and on the right of privacy, and bodily autonomy.  We have to keep fighting for real representation.

[image error]

Still True Today -- Elizabeth Cady Stanton (public domain image)

Golda is a certified holistic health counselor and founder of Body Love Wellness, a program designed for plus-sized women who are fed up with dieting and want support to stop obsessing about food and weight. Go to http://www.bodylovewellness.com/free to get your free download — Golda's Top Ten Tips For Divine Dining! And, please join her and twenty of the biggest names in HAES(R) and Fat Acceptance at the Body Love Revolutionaries Telesummit.

No Legislation Without Fat And Female Representation originally appeared on Body Love Wellness on February 20, 2012.

What People Are Saying . . .

If you haven't checked out the live or recorded Body Love Revolutionaries Telesummit yet, there's still time to join us! Tonight we're starting up again with our talk on fat blogging and social media with Marianne Kirby (author at xojane), Margitte Kristjansson (director of The Fat Body (In)Visible) and Brian Stuart (of the Red No. 3 Blog)!

Here's what some folks have been saying about this truly fabulous event:

"The discussion tonight was exceptional. As always Linda brings her vast knowledge to the table, however, hearing a new perspective from Ragen was refreshing for me."

"She re-framed a long held belief I have had for most of my life; I am a fat person in a thin body to I am a fat person in a fat body. This statement was very powerful for me to hear, and I am going to just sit with it." — Patti

"The Telesummit brings together some of the strongest voices in our movement in a conversational atmosphere. I find it wonderful to hear the experts speaking so frankly and honestly about their own journeys, struggles and triumphs!" — Lonie McMichael

"The 2012 Body Love Revolutionaries Telesummit is inspiring me to love my body more. I appreciate the wonderful information all the speakers and Golda Poretsky are sharing with us. Thank you Golda!"

"I enjoy the "F*ck Flattery", first time I ever heard that and I almost passed out with laughter! I LOVE IT!"

"I want each of these conversations to go on longer and longer. I love what you have created. Tonight was wonderful."

 

What will you be saying about the Telesummit? Don't miss out.  Register here and join us!

What People Are Saying . . . originally appeared on Body Love Wellness on February 16, 2012.

The Body Image Benefits Of Pleasure (Valentine's Day Edition)

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Last week, I had the honor of chatting about sex and dating with authors Hanne Blank and Virgie Tovar as part of the Body Love Revolutionaries Telesummit. They shared so much of their expertise on sex and dating*, that I just had to write about it this week.

I like to think of pleasure as a divine right bestowed upon all of us. Unfortunately, it's a right that we don't prioritize often enough.  We put all of our other responsibilities first, and forget that pleasure is our responsibility as well.  Pleasure is what makes living actually enjoyable.

Titian's Venus Of Urbino (image courtesy of wikipedia)

Pleasure, of course, can mean a lot of different things.  If it would make your day more pleasurable to take a break from work and meet a friend for coffee, to buy flowers for your office, to lie in bed for a bit listening to Chopin nocturnes, by all means, it's time to start doing those things for yourself.  Little, pleasurable acts throughout the day can be completely life changing. (And I hope to address this again in a future blog post.)

But today, I want to address erotic/sensual/sexual pleasure.  The reason I want to address it is that I encounter a lot of clients who have given up on it or feel unduly stressed out just thinking about it.  And really, that makes sense.  If you're struggling with body image issues, it's hard to enjoy your body.  It's hard to be naked.  You're often waiting for that magical day when you lose x number of pounds, get a nose job, or basically have a different body. Perhaps you avoid dating or avoid sex altogether because of how you feel about your body. And these body image issues affect a wide range of people, even people who may be perceived as having an ideal body.

So, I have good news and bad news.  The bad news is, you're probably never going to have that ideal body that you want to have.  Or if you have it or get it, it may not last as long as you want it to.

But here's the really good news: it doesn't actually matter.

Pleasure is your right, right now.  You don't need a perfect body to have a great sex life, even if that sex life is, initially, with yourself.

It's just time to stop looking.  Stop looking for what's wrong with your body.  Stop looking at your body as a collection of flaws.  Stop looking, and start feeling.  Focus on pleasure, both as a guiding force in your life and as a feeling within your body.

Here are 3 tips to support you in re-prioritizing and getting comfortable with pleasure:

1) Touch Yourself With Pleasure — This is great to do in bed, in the shower, or whenever you have a free moment.  Just take a breath, and touch your body.  You can touch the top of your leg, your arms, your neck, etc.  Just touch your body and focus on the pleasure of it.  Focus on how good it feels to touch and be touched.  Vary the lightness of your strokes, and really focus on the feeling.  This will help you to lessen the focus on how your body looks, and allows you to understand and connect with how it feels.

2) Your Turn-on Is Sexy — Sexiness isn't all about looks.  When you're feeling turned on and connected to your sexiness, that's a turn on for your partner (and potentially anyone else around).  Feeling connected to the sexiness of your pleasure may even support you in feeling better about how you look on a regular basis.

3) Be A Little Selfish — If you're someone who worries a lot about what your partner thinks about how you look or what you're doing, stop worrying (unless, of course, your partner communicates to you that they don't like it).  Whenever you find yourself worrying over what your partner is thinking but they haven't said anything about it, reconnect with how your body feels, focus on your own pleasure, and put the focus on yourself.  Focus on who you feel, how your body feels, what you'd like more of or less of.  By doing so, you'll reconnect with your pleasure and allow yourself and your partner to have more fun.

*By the way, it's not too late to hear what they and our other wonderful panelists had to say.  Just get an All-Access Pass here and you can hear it all!

Golda is a certified holistic health counselor and founder of Body Love Wellness, a program designed for plus-sized women who are fed up with dieting and want support to stop obsessing about food and weight. Go to http://www.bodylovewellness.com/free to get your free download — Golda's Top Ten Tips For Divine Dining! And, please join her and twenty of the biggest names in HAES(R) and Fat Acceptance at the Body Love Revolutionaries Telesummit.

The Body Image Benefits Of Pleasure (Valentine's Day Edition) originally appeared on Body Love Wellness on February 13, 2012.

I Miss Fat Jonah Hill (And Other Mostly Pointless Celebrity Observations, In No Particular Order)

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OBSERVATION 1: I miss fat Jonah Hill.

I miss fat Jonah Hill (image courtesy of wikipedia)

I know it's not cool to say it, and believe me, I believe in a person's right to do what they will with their bodies, but I miss fat Jonah Hill.

I think it's because I like seeing "one of us" in the movies.  His quirky humor was the only thing I enjoyed about Funny People.  I liked him as genius sabermetrics guy opposite Brad Pitt in Moneyball.  I could imagine a little, fat 10 year old who always gets picked last in gym class seeing him in a movie and saying, "Even if I don't make the team, at least I can be the smart guy in the back office who gets to actually pick the team."

Now he just looks like a thin guy who's in movies, and it bums me out.

OBSERVATION 2: I won't die if I see Melissa McCarthy's arms.

Melissa McCarthy (image courtesy of CNN)

I love Melissa McCarthy.  And apparently, she sometimes wears a 3/4 sleeve.  But every time I see her at some awards thing, she has super long sleeves on.

Seriously, I can only imagine the pressure and scrutiny she's under.  I'm sure her size comes up in every stupid, useless interview for magazines that I refuse to read. But I'm just dying for her to pull a Gabby Sidibe and show some big fat arms!

OBSERVATION 3: All I want is to live in a world where Octavia Spencer doesn't feel the need to "triple spanx."

Octavia Spencer (image courtesy of Us Magazine)

Speaking of award-winning actresses constantly being asked inane questions about weight, Octavia Spencer is sick of it.  According to Jezebel, she posted about this on facebook, saying, "I am NOT WORRYING ABOUT MY WEIGHT! I AM NOT TRYING TO CONFORM TO an unrealistic model of beauty."   Amen!

But she also told Ellen, "I triple-Spank. Which is not good. Spanx really, really work, but you don't need to overdo it." This woman is a freaking award winning freaking actress.  Can't she be allowed to enjoy the moment without impinging on vital organs?  I'm all for an end to the havoc of chub rub, but I'm sick of this Spanx crap.

OBSERVATION 4: Paula Deen didn't get diabetes from cooking with fat.

Paula Deen (image courtesy of The Food Network)

Just read this, guys.  Seriously.

OBSERVATION 5: Sometimes I miss the good ole days when Jennifer Hudson and Mariah Carey sang stuff, instead of just hawking weight loss b.s.

Remember stuff like this?

Now I only see her in this (real and awful) Weight Watchers ad:

I realize that all of these celebrities have incredible pressure put on them about their bodies.  Do a google search for any of these people and add the word fat and you will see page after page of horrible commentary.  That's why it's so important for each one of us to stand up to fat oppression.

In the meantime, at least we have Gabby Sidibe and Adele.

Some food for thought from Adele and Gabby (Image of Adele with quote from definatalie.tumblr.com, image of Gabby Sidibe from NBC, quote from Harper's Bazaar)

I think I need to go back on my media diet.

But seriously, what do you think?  Let's chat over on my facebook page.

Golda is a certified holistic health counselor and founder of Body Love Wellness, a program designed for plus-sized women who are fed up with dieting and want support to stop obsessing about food and weight. Go to http://www.bodylovewellness.com/free to get your free download — Golda's Top Ten Tips For Divine Dining! And, please join her and twenty of the biggest names in HAES(R) and Fat Acceptance at the Body Love Revolutionaries Telesummit.

I Miss Fat Jonah Hill (And Other Mostly Pointless Celebrity Observations, In No Particular Order) originally appeared on Body Love Wellness on February 6, 2012.

Buy A Pass, Get A Billboard

Tonight, I'm going to be speaking with Ragen Chastain (of Dances With Fat) and Linda Bacon (who literally wrote the book on Health At Every Size®) as part of the 2nd Annual Body Love Revolutionaries Telesummit!

As you may have heard, Ragen has organized a 1 day only money bomb to put up a billboard in a high-trafficked area of Atlanta with a positive message to counteract the negative Strong4Life campaign.

On top of that, the wonderful More Of Me To Love site is matching money bomb contributions up to $5,000!

I've already made a donation, but I want to do more. So, I'm donating 30% of the proceeds from Body Love Revolutionaries Telesummit All-Access Passes purchased before 11PM Eastern today.

That means that when you purchase an All-Access Pass today, the proceeds will go:

30% to the Support All Kids Money Bomb
10% to NOLOSE
10% to NAAFA

(and the rest, as always, goes to supporting more free events like this from Body Love Wellness!)

Plus, you get live access to all the calls and access to the recordings through the end of March!

You can check out the Telesummit by clicking here and check out the money bomb by clicking here. You can even purchase your All-Access Pass right here!

 

Yes, Golda, please sign me up for an All Access Pass to the Body Love Revolutionaries Telesummit.








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Thanks and I hope to "see" you tonight!

xo,

Golda

Buy A Pass, Get A Billboard originally appeared on Body Love Wellness on February 2, 2012.

Body Love Revolutionaries Telesummit Starts Tonight!

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We're kicking off the Telesummit tonight with a big fat talk on fat activism!  We'll be chatting with Marilyn Wann (author of Fat!So?), Amanda Levitt (Founder of Love Your Body Detroit) and Peggy Howell (PR Director for NAAFA).

Over the next few weeks, we'll be talking health with Dr. Linda Bacon and Ragen Chastain, fatshion with Marie Denee, Rachel Kacenjar, and Yuliya Raquel, sex with Hanne Blank and Virgie Tovar, social media with Marianne Kirby, Margitte Leah Kristjannson and Brian Stuart, fitness with Jeanette DePatie and Anna Guest-Jelley, fat/queer intersections with Bevin Branlandingham, Charlotte Cooper, & Jessica Luxery, and politics with Paul Campos and Amy Erdman Farrell. You can see the full schedule here.

When you register, you'll get free live access to all of the interviews, and you'll have the opportunity to get yourquestions answered by our panel.

Click here to learn more and register!

I can't wait to see you there!

 

Body Love Revolutionaries Telesummit Starts Tonight! originally appeared on Body Love Wellness on January 31, 2012.

Fat Pride Is For Everyone, Even You (Yes, You!)

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If you haven't been privy to the awesome images coming from Marilyn Wann and the STANDards campaign, you need to check it out now. It's okay, go ahead. I'll wait!

Glad you're back!

Me & Michelle Matthews (fatsocialworker.blogspot.com) Stand 4 Kids!

As you scrolled through the images, maybe you noticed that the people taking a stand for kids really represented a wide range of people. Some are very fat and some are a little fat and some are pretty thin. Some are small children and some are elderly and many are in between. Some are doing pretty athletic stuff and some are sitting happily.

It seemed that a really diverse group of people were submitting photos for the campaign, so I found it interesting when Marilyn posted this on Facebook last week:

"I notice that so many of us (and I can imagine myself having this feeling if I came across such an invite)…anticipate that we will be excluded for some reason. Confronted with this open invite to share a photo and a credo in these STANDards, people are telling me they must be too thin, not the right gender, not healthy enough. I am not going to exclude anyone for any reason."

How interesting that people were assuming that they'd be excluded from this campaign because they're too thin or not healthy enough.  I find this sad because I hear this a lot from people.   I've had clients tell me that they know it's silly, but that they feel too fat for fat pride or too unhealthy for Health At Every Size®.  Like, other people can love their bodies because even though they're fat, they're not too fat.  Other people can practice Health At Every Size® because they're already pretty healthy.  I also find that people toward the thinner end of the spectrum think they'll be excluded from fat pride because they're not fat enough.

So I want to deal with these objections in turn.  Check for the objection that applies to you and please take what I write to heart!

THE OBJECTIONS

I Can't Be Part Of The Fat Pride Movement Because I'm Not Fat (Or Not Fat Enough) — Poppycock!  Well-meaning people of all sizes are welcome in the fat pride movement.  Those immersed in fat pride understand that discrimination against fat people is bad for society as a whole, negatively impacting thin people as well.  We want to live in a world where assumptions are no longer made about people's bodies based on their relative fatness.  We want to live in a world where thin people don't hurt their bodies out of a fear of being fat.  And we know that having allies is good for the movement.  Your voice and your presence is wanted and needed. So, welcome!

I Can't Be Part Of The Fat Pride Movement Because I'm Too Fat – Hogwash!  There is absolutely no weight limit on loving and accepting your body.  Hating your body and trying to change it never got you anywhere before, right?  So why would anyone in the fat pride movement want you to continue that?  There is no separate set of rules that apply to you because you weigh a certain amount.  Your voice and your presence is wanted and needed. So, welcome!

I Can't Be Part Of The Health At Every Size® Movement Because I'm Not Healthy Enough and/or Too Fat – Hooey!  Health At Every Size® is not Health At Certain Sizes And Only If You're Healthy Enough.  It's freakin' Health At Every Size® and it's not a misnomer!  HAES® recognizes that intentional weight loss isn't a good idea and does more harm than good.  So the best thing for anyone's health is, in a nutshell, eating well, getting appropriate exercise, and accepting their bodies.  Of course, you're human, and sometimes humans get sick, but that doesn't mean that  HAES® no longer applies to you.  In fact, accepting HAES® can help you clarify to the health professionals in your life that fixating on your weight will not help you heal.  Healthy or sick, you are an important part of this movement. Your voice and your presence is wanted and needed. So, welcome!

I hope I convinced you that Fat Pride and Health At Every Size® is for you.  And, I really hope you'll join me for the Body Love Revolutionaries Telesummit which starts tomorrow night!  You don't want to miss it.  Here's just a sampling of what you'll take away:

Learn what to do when confronted with negativity about your weight.



Find out how you can live your best life without the highs and lows of weight loss efforts.



Connect with other people who are committed to being body positive.



Get fashion tips from people who know and love exactly the body you have.



Body positive exercise advice for all fitness levels, body types and abilities.



Get historical and political perspectives on anti-fat efforts.



Learn how queer activism can inform fat activism.



Sex-positive and fat-positive advice for the awesome sex life you deserve.



Hear the body love journeys of your favorite bloggers.



Learn how to create fat-positive community locally.



And so much more!

To join us, just register here.

Golda is a certified holistic health counselor and founder of Body Love Wellness, a program designed for plus-sized women who are fed up with dieting and want support to stop obsessing about food and weight.

Fat Pride Is For Everyone, Even You (Yes, You!) originally appeared on Body Love Wellness on January 30, 2012.