Ad Hudler's Blog, page 21

SIGNS YOU ARE OVER 40

From personal experience:
1. You think all the young girls are dressing too slutty.
2. The Life Alert commercial ("I've fallen and I can't get up") no longer elicits laughter but concern.
3. You drop a pencil on the floor and say, "Oh, I'll get that later."
4. The oldies stations are now playing stuff from your high-school years.
It's all kind of cliche, I realize, but if the shoe fits ...

My view from 38,000 feet high

Big growing problem on today's airplanes: fat flight attendants. I'm not talking overweight. I'm talking OBESE. I know I'm going to anger some of you by mentioning this, but after today's flight I feel compelled to say something. The Delta attendant could not navigate her way down the aisle WITHOUT WALKING SIDEWAYS. She was that wide. And I have lost count of the number of times a large flight attendant has knocked my hat off as she passes me ... and they move that weight around like they own the place. "Out of my way, buster, or I'm gonna give you a black eye with this thigh of mine!"
It's a safety issue, people. These attendants are supposed to safely lead us out of an airplane in case of emergency. They should be fairly fit and agile -- and should not resemble the Cheshire cat. Or me during a fat month.
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Is this why Barnes and Noble is up for sale?

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I saw this in a hip retail store in Nashville. What's your reaction?As an author, it bothered me. Seemed almost a little disrespectful of books. Have books become so retro that we're using them as furniture? Does having a desk of books make you feel smarter? After all, you're studying atop an almost infinite supply of wisdom.
It's not the first time I've seen books treated with disrespect. I remember meeting someone who owned a small bookstore in suburban Chicago. She got a call once from a decorator who asked her how much she charged for a "yard of books." And they only wanted nice ones, hardcover, please, with plenty of shades of green. Emerald, if possible.
Consider phone books. When was the last time you picked up a phone book? They're shrinking in size every year for good reason; they are unnecessary. When I need a referral for a service worker (plumber, etc.) I put out the call on facebook: "Attention all SWFlorida friends. Who has a roofer they trust?" And the facebook community comes through every time.
I am not a Luddite. I have a Droid phone and I really like my Kindle for traveling on the road when I want to pack lightly. (Incidentally, I just discovered a way to safely take ebooks to the beach: put them in a gallon-size Ziploc bag. The buttons work fine through the plastic, and no problem with sand.)
But books being used as furniture? What's next? My guess: catalog companies will started shredding and using them for packing material.
Stand up for books, people! Treat them with respect. Don't make them your beasts of burden. Make them your beasts of pleasure.

Signs that you live in the subtropics: #4309H4

I separated some overgrown snake-tongue plants today (also known as mother-in-law tongue), and brought a few pots of them inside. And within an hour I had about 15 tiny little frogs hopping around the family room. (Obviously they'd hitchhiked their way inside.) I tried to catch them all and let them loose outside, but I know I missed some because I found one hours later, dehydrated and dead on my hallway floor.
Forever the optimist, I put on my Dr. Frankenstein hat and scooped up the little guy and slipped him into a cup of water. I mean, I know it sounds crazy, but if he died of dehydration then maybe if I REhydrated him he'd come back to life.
Alas, that was not the result.
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Where are your children?

Found these guys on Broadway near the honkeytonks in downtown Nashville. Not quite sure how to react.
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Family Fun in New York City

As my facebook friends know, my wife and daughter bought me for my birthday a trip to New York to see Pee-Wee Herman's Playhouse on Broadway. I own the entire video set of the TV cartoon show that ran for five years. I think he's brilliant and childish, much like myself (wink), and he reminds us all to enjoy the simple pleasures of life. I don't care that he was arrested for masturbating in an adult movie theatre. I mean, what else do you think guys are gonna be doing in those places, hmmm? At least he was pleasuring himself with himself, and not the hand of someone else. 'Nuf said on that.
First, the audience. It was mixed and largely older with a lot of gay couples. I was wondering if Miss Yvonne ("The Most Beautiful Woman in all of Cartoonland") was the new Liza Minnelli or Cher. And everyone there knew the world of Pee-Wee. My wife and daughter heard someone singing the Pee-Wee Herman cartoon song on the toilet in the bathroom.
Just like in the cartoon, Pee-Wee had a secret word of the day (it was "fun" this time), and every time someone on stage said "fun" the audience had to scream and yell -- and we did.
There was Globey the talking globe, and Terri the terradactyl. Chairy the chair sounded just like did in the show. And Pee-Wee? he was perfect. I've got to say ... I was speechless when he came out on stage. I'd only seen him in his show and movies and there he was, just 20 feet away. I could see his wrinkles. I was in awe, and so was the audience. And we all yelled and exclaimed throughout the whole show. It felt like an African-American church service. Very participatory.
Because the show wasn't a Saturday morning cartoon it was more risque with some great junior-high-level sexual humor. At one point the lights went out (on purpose) and everyone on stage was looking for the flashlight. Conky, the talking robot says to someone, "That is NOT the flashlight. Please let it go." Also, on the cartoon show Pee-Wee always showed kids how to make a healthy snack for themselves without getting hurt in the kitchen. But on Broadway the snack was deep-fried onion rings, and Shamwow the shammy accidentally fell into it and met his doom.
We left happy because everything in cartoon land ends happy. Jomby the genie granted Pee-Wee his wish to fly. Miss Yvonne married Cowboy Curtis. And I left with a huge smile.

No wonder I hadn't seen Art for awhile...

From a building near the tracks, downtown Nashville
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Who says Florida's not Southern?

Consider this true scenario from my Fort Myers neighborhood.
A woman's cat dies and she asks her friend if she can bury it in the friend's yard. Even more interesting: These two women are friends but not super-close friends.
The gracious friend says yes and has her hired man (who is black) dig a hole in the yard, which he lines with a blanket and thoughtfully surrounds with chairs for visiting mourners.
Meanwhile, the cat is FROZEN, awaiting the ceremony.
Our Southern author-friend Flannery O'Connor certainly couldn't dream up anything better.

Good Southern Hospitality

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I recently stopped by Macon (setting for my novel SOUTHERN LIVING) and had a delightful meal at a truly global spot. It was a Greek-Indian restaurant with "hombres" on the men's bathroom door.

The sag paneer was remarkable but not as fine as the after-dinner finish. The owner asked us if we wanted to smoke some hooka in a back room of the restaurant.

Now, I'm not certain what they put in these pipes in the mother country but I'm pretty sure we were inhaling apple tea.

We all looked at each other with a look of "Î don't feel anything. Do you feel anything?"

The wait staff was giggling the corner.Published with Blogger-droid v1.5.9

Urban wildlife: Case #47W24

Spotted outside our window on a recent day: Latin name windocinnus cleanus.
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