Arlene Miller's Blog, page 12

I Finally Did It!

Image by Petra Šolajová from Pixabay

I finally “read” an audiobook. 

I maintain my opinion that “reading” an audiobook is “cheating” and is not reading. They are fine, but they are not reading. I mean, if you listen to a podcast, educational as it might be, you don’t say that you are reading.

I was resting my eyes after eye surgery, so I decided to try an audiobook. I fell asleep near the beginning of the first two I tried, so I figured this pastime was not for me. I know audiobooks are useful when you are driving a long distance; I would hope I wouldn’t fall asleep listening to an audiobook driving. But since I was resting, it was easy to fall asleep. Then I found one that kept me awake. Well, not quite. I did manage to fall asleep several times during the several days it took me to finish it, and I would have to go back and replay parts of it. I may still have missed a few parts even though I finished it.

And I sobbed during the last part of the book. I don’t recall ever sobbing when reading a print or ebook. So I thought maybe the format of hearing it played out was more effective in grabbing one’s emotions. That made sense to me. Then I looked on Goodreads, and many people who had read the book had cried. I wonder if I would have cried if I had simply read the book, instead of hearing it. Hmmm……

In any case, I gave the book five stars, and I am recommending it to you. I had recently heard of Colleen Hoover, but I had never read her. Then I heard she has been just about the top-selling author for the past couple of years. I have a couple of her ebooks on my Kindle right now, and I have started one. The audiobook was  Memories of Him, and I loved it. 

I have read a few other good books lately. Hello Beautiful by Ann Napolitano is a popular book right now. I got about halfway through, and the library grabbed it off my Kindle because it was due. Only two weeks and no renewals on library ebooks. So I am trying very hard to remember something about it because I do really want to finish it. I am once again on the waiting list at the library. 

The Seaside Library by Brenda Novak  was worth five stars to me, but I don’t remember a thing about it — except I thought it was an odd title for the book because it really wasn’t about a library — although I can’t remember what it was about. Ah! I just looked it up. It is more of a murder mystery.

The First Ladies by Marie Benedict is a novel based on a true story about the close decades-long friendship between Eleanor Roosevelt and civil rights activist Mary McLeod Bethune. Another five-star read.

And then, I would recommend Clark and Division by Naomi Hirahara, which I read for an online book club. It takes place in 1944 Chicago and deals with the internment of a Japanese family and the mysterious death of one of the daughters.

I would maybe “read” another audiobook if I can get it free. I get my books either from the library or from Kindle Unlimited. I love to buy books, but I cannot justify the purchase unless the book is by an author I know.

Happy Reading!

Words and Music, Part 2

Image by Alexandr Ivanov from Pixabay

So, where did I leave off? Well, I did the Maypole Dance as a freshman in college in Boston — and took all the available (all three) music classes at my college…

After college graduation, I couldn’t find a job that used my education, so I took a crappy job. Several months later, I moved to Florida with my boyfriend. A year later, we broke up, and I moved back to Boston.

In the mid 70s I found jazz dance. I don’t remember how I found this particular school, but you could find me taking three 90-minute classes in a row in downtown Boston in an unairconditioned third-floor studio — in the summer. I got pretty good, but a few years later, when the instructor (whom I had a crush on) finally formed his dance troupe and left me out because I need to “lose some weight,” I cried and quit. I was also taking a few voice lessons at the time, and poof, my dreams of Broadway were crushed!

But then in around 1980, I saw a small write up in the magazine of the Sunday newspaper about a tap studio that sounded intriguing, run by an old tap master. I had found my home! Here’s something I am really good at! So I tapped, and then taught, and did some performing there, and then continued when I moved to California in 1993. I continued tapping until the early 2000s, when there was just nowhere to go and nowhere else to learn. I remember teaching the day before my first baby was due.

When I left tapping (I still attended a master class once in a while, though), I decided I wanted to play the piano again. But not classical. This time I wanted to play jazz. And I knew I wanted a male teacher. I found the perfect teacher. I discovered a new part of myself that was passionate about music (and, unfortunately, about the piano teacher, but that never got off the ground). This new part of myself that I discovered, however, was not compatible with my husband, so I left. My kids were teens (almost anyway) by now. I never really got very good at jazz piano and quit after a couple of years. But I was still in my music epiphany.

I took a music and computers course at the local junior college, and then a music theory course … and then dared to take a jazz improvisation class, attempting to play the piano. I went to the local jazz club and bookstores that had jazz musicians. I did own a piano, and then bought a keyboard as well. But I never really learned to play.

At the same time, I decided I wanted a master’s degree in music. Just because. I had always wanted a master’s degree, but couldn’t afford any more education when I finished college. So I applied to the music program at UC Berkeley. I knew I wouldn’t get in because I didn’t have the music background. And I was right.

But I heard about a master’s degree in Humanities at Cal State, where I could concentrate in music history, so I did that. It was a remote program, so to this day, I have never been to that school. It took me six or seven years, taking one or two classes at a time, but I managed to finish. At the same time, when I was nearly finished with this degree, I returned to school for a teaching credential. I was now single and needed to earn a living. A couple of friends suggested I become an English teacher. I was never really committed to it, but I did it and taught for 11 years. It was never “me,” but it got me into my “grammar era”!

My master’s thesis for the Humanities degree was “Women in Music.” It really wasn’t very good, but reliable sources tell me that it is in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Library. I have never been there, but I  hope to get there. My love of music, especially old rock and roll, demands that I visit!

So, since 2010, when I published my first grammar book, I have been in my grammar phase. Just recently, though, I have veered back to music. Look back to Part I of this post, paragraph 7.  I have been once again inspired by the same musicians all these decades later…now it is oldies, which I have always loved: the music that came from that Motorola transistor radio!

There is a rock and roll club where I live. It is really the only club I am interested in joining. So I am teaching myself rock piano.  And now we fortunately have You Tube and online lessons of all kinds. I am making some headway.

Playing music with others is entirely different from playing by oneself. I learned that when I attempted to play with the Community Band back in California. I had never played with other people, but I figured I could. I figured with my background in piano, I could play in the percussion section: bells, tympani, cymbals, vibraphone. I did it. Not well, but I tried!

Oh, I don’t want to give the impression that I never had any jobs writing, since this is Words and Music. I never even came close to writing for Billboard Magazine, but I worked for a couple of newspapers during that year in Florida in the 70s. Then I spent six years as a technical writer, editor, and then supervisor at a computer company while I was still in Boston. I also did a lot of freelance copyediting, including a five-year stint at a telecommunications company in California. This was all before becoming a teacher. 

Rock on!

Words and Music, Part 1

My life has basically been words and music — and throw in some motherhood and coffee, and that is about it. 

You pretty much know the words part: English major; childhood poet;  technical writer; technical editor; editing supervisor; freelance editor; English teacher; and then author, publisher, and blogger.

But it was really music that got the whole thing started.

I guess I was sort of a musical kid. My mother (thank you) started me dancing at the age of six. I continued dancing through at least junior high school. Not a great ballet dancer, but I was good at tap from the get go. For the six years covering junior and senior high school, I played classical piano. Once again, I was no prodigy, but I wasn’t bad (considering how much I practiced – or didn’t). 

When I was five, I think I wanted to be a teacher, but that didn’t last long. 

I don’t remember when I first got into listening to music…oh wait! Yes, I do. My parents had a bunch of albums, among them South Pacific and The King and I. My best friend, Linda, and I would listen to them all the time. I don’t remember when I got into popular music. But I distinctly remember that I got a Motorola transistor radio for my ninth birthday, and it was stuck to my ear from then on. So I must have been listening to popular music before that. That transistor radio is pictured in this post, but mine was beige. 

When I was about 12, the Beatles had arrived. I liked them, but not like some girls did. There was another group I liked (their name isn’t important here), actually LOVED! And that got my real obsession started. I started writing song lyrics, mostly love ballads. I generally had a melody in my mind, but wrote only a few of them out. I could write music, since I played piano (and three guitar chords). They were all in the key of C, with C, F, and G chords — and sometimes even A and E minor. I still have all of those lyrics and sheet music. 

I once sent one of my songs to one of those (scam) places they advertised that would put music to your lyrics and create a demo and try to sell it. I remember that they claimed  Tab Hunter’s “Young Love” came from them. Well, they pretty much ruined my song, and made it a country tune, which wasn’t my intention. Needless to say, that was the end of that. 

So my high school yearbook says that my ambition is to be a songwriter.

During those high school years, I also thought about being an actress, and sent away for information to the University of Southern California, which has a famous acting program. No, my parents did not like this idea. And did I really think I could act? I took some “drama lessons” when I was in elementary school, and I got the lead in the 4th grade play as Betty the Bookworm, but I wasn’t involved in any of the plays put on by my high school. Nor was I in the band. 

Since songwriting seemed a far stretch, I thought that since I always liked to write (and was co-editor of the high school yearbook), I could write for Billboard Magazine.  Since the time I was 12 or so and madly in love with a certain singing group, I would walk a couple of miles each way to Cal’s, a newstand that sold Billboard Magazine. The magazine came out on Tuesdays, but Cal’s usually didn’t get it on Tuesday. So, I would go there again on Wednesday and sometimes on Thursday — until I found it and could scour it for news of my boys. This went on for a while….

If I was going to be a songwriter — or write for Billboard Magazine — I needed to be in New York. I lived in the Boston area. So when it was time to think about college, I thought about New York. I applied to New York University, Barnard College (the sister Ivy League to Columbia U), Connecticut College (probably because they took someone from my high school the year before, so I figured they would take someone this year, maybe), and Simmons College in Boston, where my cousin had just graduated. 

My parents took me to Barnard for an interview. They were afraid of my going to “dangerous” New York!  They also took me to Connecticut College, which was way too snobby for my taste. I remember all the girls (it was a girls’ school at that time) had long dark straight hair and eyeliner. Clones.

I am not bragging, but I got into all those schools with scholarships. To this day, I wish I had gone to Barnard. Maybe I would have ended up working for Billboard Magazine — or becoming a songwriter. Then I realize I wouldn’t have my beautiful children and granddaughter and published books, and that we usually are where we are meant to be. 

Why didn’t I go to Barnard? — besides listening to my parents, which I shouldn’t have? Well, I really wanted to study journalism, not just English. Barnard was strictly liberal arts, and I would have had to be an English major. Not that I couldn’t have written for Billboard Magazine with an English degree from Barnard! Simmons offered a major in publications, which was print media — writing and graphic arts. So I did that. I was actually a double major with English as my other major. And I took every music class I could — all four of them that Simmons offered: Baroque era music; Classical era music; Romantic era music; and music and literature (which was basically opera — and I will never forget how much I loved Tristan and Isolde).

Aside from being in the dance club freshman year (and dancing around the Maypole at 6 a.m. on May 1), I was not involved in any music during college. Aside from going to discos in the 70s, there was no more music. I got a job as a technical writer. I got married. I had two kids.

Was that the end of music for me? Stay tuned for Part 2 next week.

Nine Reasons Why English Is So Hard to Learn

Image by annemcdon from Pixabay

English is a quirky little language, even for those whose native language is English. Why?

1. Homographs

Words that are spelled the same, often pronounced the same, but with entirely different meanings.

Lead in your pencil and lead the parade.Bow on the gift and bow after the performance.Close the door and close not far.Tears you cry and tears in the paper.2. Homophones

Words that sound the same, but are spelled differently with different meanings.

Worn and WarnTo, Two, TooBear and BareHere and HearLed and LeadSee and SeaAnd a bunch more.3. Contronyms

Words that have two contradictory meanings.

Finished as completed; Finished as done for.Bolt as in securing something; Bolt as fleeing.Give out as in providing for; Give out as to run out.Oversight as in looking after; Oversight as failing to notice.Sanction as in approving; Sanction as in boycotting.4. Idioms

How can one figure out idioms since they cannot be taken literally?

Pulling one’s legIt’s a piece of cake.To kill two birds with one stone.To bite the bullet.To wrap one’s head around something.HUH?5. Rules with Mostly Exceptions

Like “I before E except  after C or when sounds like A as in neighbor and weigh” — except for weird, protein, caffeine, codeine, seize, height, seismic. And on the other side, ancient, society, hacienda.

6. Silent LettersWhy doesn’t pterodactyl start with T?Why doesn’t knife start with N?What is the T doing in listen?Why doesn’t autumn end with an M?7. Irregular Words

We have nouns that are plural, but are not pluralized by adding an S after the last letter: children, women, men, candies, cacti, alumnae.

And irregular verbs are misused all the time – those whose past tense doesn’t simply add –ed:

run, ran, have runset, set, and setthink, thought, have thoughtdrink, drank, have drunk8. “Chameleon” Words

Some words change meaning depending on which syllable you stress:

Content as in happy; Content as in what something containsProject as in something to do; Project as to throw.Object as in thing; Object as in to oppose.9. Pronunciation Chaos

Through, thought, ouch, enough, trough, thorough — they all have ou. All pronounced differently.

Though, enough, height — all have gh. All pronounced differently.

 

English: A Synthetic or Analytical Language?

Huh? What is a synthetic language? Polyester??

Image by PublicDomainPictures from Pixabay

Analytical language? What is that? 

I suspect some of my readers are acquainted with the differences between analytical and synthetic languages. I, however, must admit I had never heard these words used to describe language (or to differentiate among languages) until one of my readers suggested that I write a blog post about the topic. Well, that led me to look into it. 

If you have ever studied Latin, you might easily understand  the difference between synthetic and analytic languages. English, although at one time more synthetic, is now a pretty analytical language. Latin, which no one uses anymore, is quite synthetic.  I will explain.  

A synthetic language changes the actual word to use it differently in a sentence. For example, in Latin there are five cases for nouns. If you use a noun as the subject of a sentence (nominative case), it is a different form than if you use it as a direct object (accusative case). Puella is nominative case for girl; puellam is accusative (if I remember correctly).  In English, we use the word girl to mean a girl however we use it (except we do have possessive, where it is slightly changed).  However, we put it in a different part of the sentence depending on how we use it. So English word position in a sentence.  In some languages, the verb form always changes with tense. In English, we use auxiliary words often (not always) to change tense: I run; I will run; I have run. The verb stays the same. In some language, the actually verb form changes.

No language is completely one or the other, but languages tend to be more analytical or more synthetic. The Czech language is still largely synthetic with seven noun cases and many different verb forms. Spanish is now somewhere in between, having different verb forms but the same noun forms. English has gone from  synthetic into the analytic.

Languages that have influenced English:

5% Greek

7,5% Latin

40%  Anglo-Saxon

15%  Norse

30% French

2.5% other languages

The Oxford English dictionary has about 300,000 entries, not including scientific and technical words.  An educated English speaker, however, only uses about 30,000 words, one tenth of the available words.

Thanks for this website for some of the language information.

 

 

FAPACON 23

Last weekend I was in Orlando for FAPACON 23. FAPA stands for Florida Authors and Publishers Association.  It is one of the dozen or so organizations all over the country that comes under the umbrella of the Independent Book Publishers Association (IBPA).  FAPACON is the annual conference at a Hilton near Disney World. It is the big event of the year for FAPA, ending in the President’s Book Awards ceremony, where everyone gets dressed up to the nines to receive bronze, silver, and gold awards for their books in about 30 categories.

I went last year as well. It is one of my duties as a board member (secretary) of the organization. And why would I refuse two nights in the Hilton and free food? Not to mention the camaraderie of other writers. I remember a few glitches last year, but this year the event went off without a hitch….and I won a raffle prize!

We started on Friday morning with a short board meeting at the Hilton, followed by registration and check-in. At one of the board member’s suggestions, this year we tried a Speed Dating with the Pros event, which was very well received. There were eight tables, and participants spent about 8 minutes at each table listening to, and asking questions of, the pro at the table. The topics included selling your book on Amazon, unconventional types of promotion, artificial intelligence, effective use of social media, book formatting, getting your book into libraries, and choosing a cover designer. 

Pros were available for additional conversation after the speed dating. The day culminated in a networking reception with a cash bar and “heavy oer d’oeuvres,” in other words, dinner.

There were four talks/workshops on Saturday, one at a time so everyone could attend all of them. 

How to Create an Amazon Bestseller. Judith Briles gave us all sorts of links and ideas, many of which were new to me. It was a very useful hour.The Power of Connection: Connecting to make connections, not to sell books.

Lunch! salads, tomato soup (excellent), macaroni and cheese, huge pieces of chicken, and a whole lot more including some really pretty desserts. (I heard they were good!)

Copyright and Intellectual Property Audiobook Production

Following the four sessions was “quick change” time. The ballroom tables were changed from workshop desks to tablecloth-dressed, and the check-in desk was replaced by the cash bar. And everyone went to their rooms to change into fancy clothes, appropriate for accepting awards.

The buffet: bruschetta, pizza, egg rolls, beef and peppers on sticks, fancy desserts, spiced cauliflower.

The awards ceremony is always lovely. I won an award in 2020 — the Covid year when the ceremony was held on Zoom, so I missed out. And we were Zoom-bombed by white nationalists, so the ceremony had to be stopped.

Following the awards was a reception for more networking and conversation.

It was a fun time, but I was glad to get home to my dog! And I had been away visiting friends the weekend before. 

Oh, and I won a raffle basket that I wanted so badly, I put all my tickets into one basket — so now I cannot say I never win anything.

Mostly I take notes and type them up and distribute them as secretary, but many other board members put in so much time and effort to make FAPACON a success. Lots of photos were taken, but I am not in very many of them – introvert. I was planning to donate some of my books for a raffle basket, but the time went, and I didn’t send the books. I was going to place an ad in the program or maybe even be an exhibitor — but I didn’t get around to that either. Next year!

Ways You Can Elevate Your Artistry as a Creative

Image by erge from PixabayI am happy to present this guest post by Amber Ramsey.Amber is a career woman. She’s fierce, confident, and has the “can do” attitude we all strive for. Like most of us, she started out in the corporate world, but she found that her fire, spirit, and creativity were better suited to the entrepreneurial lifestyle. Amber has been on both sides of the desk, as an employee and the boss, so she has plenty of career advice to share.———————————————-

In today’s fast-paced world, getting discovered as a creative can be a challenge. Whether you’re a fashion designer, artist, or maker, building a name for yourself and getting your work in front of the right people takes time and effort. Here are some tips to help creatives get discovered and turn their passion into a successful career.

Make Your Presence Known Online

In today’s digital age, having a strong online presence is crucial for getting discovered. Create a website or social media profiles that showcase your work and style. Share behind-the-scenes glimpses of your creative process and interact with your followers. Use relevant hashtags to increase visibility and connect with potential clients or collaborators. Consider reaching out to influencers or bloggers for collaborations or features on their platforms.

Attend Industry Events

Attending industry events can be a great way to get discovered and make valuable connections. These events range from trade shows and conferences to art exhibitions and fashion weeks. They provide opportunities to meet industry leaders, showcase your work, and gain inspiration from others. Be sure to bring business cards or samples of your work to hand out, and be prepared to network.

Share Your Talent with Others

Getting your artwork in front of as many eyes as possible is key to getting discovered. Submit your work to galleries, competitions, and art shows. Participating in group exhibitions or sharing your work in public places, such as coffee shops or libraries, can also increase visibility. Don’t be afraid to approach local businesses or organizations to display your work. You never know who may see it and become interested in your talent.

Showcase Your Skills

A solid portfolio is essential for showcasing your work and attracting potential clients. Include a variety of pieces that showcase your style and skills. Make sure your portfolio is well-organized and easily accessible. Consider creating an online portfolio that you can easily share with potential clients or employers. Keep your portfolio up-to-date and add new pieces as you create them.

Business Savvy

As a creative, it’s important to have basic knowledge of the business world. This includes understanding contracts, copyright laws, and pricing strategies. Joining a professional organization or attending workshops on topics such as marketing and branding can be beneficial. Consider taking courses on business management or partnering with a business-savvy individual who can help with the financial side of your creative pursuits.

Find a Guide

Having a mentor in the industry can provide valuable guidance and support as you navigate your career. Look for individuals who have experience in your field and share your values and goals. Reach out to them and ask for advice or feedback on your work. Mentors can offer insight into the industry, help you develop your skills, and open doors to new opportunities.

Technology to Your Advantage: Use a 3D Texturing Tool

In today’s digital age, technology has become an integral part of the creative process. Creatives can utilize helpful software like a 3D texturing tool to create stunning works of art. These tools allow you to add intricate details and textures to your designs that would be difficult to achieve by hand. By learning how to use a 3D texturing tool, you can take your artwork to the next level and stand out from the crowd – this could help if you’re looking for a place to get started. Consider incorporating these tools into your workflow and experimenting with different techniques to create unique and visually striking pieces.

 

Getting discovered as a creative takes time, effort, and dedication. Building an online presence, attending industry events, and getting your work in front of as many eyes as possible is key to success. It’s also important to have a solid portfolio, basic knowledge of the business world, and a mentor in the industry. Utilizing helpful software like a 3D texturing tool can also set you apart. By following these tips, creatives can increase their visibility and turn their passion into a successful career.

 

Letters, Numbers, and Apostrophes

Image by Myriam from Pixabay

We all know that we don’t use apostrophes in plurals. We use apostrophes mostly for possession. Girl’s is not a plural; it is a possessive.

But what about the plural of numerals? And while we are at it, the plural of individual letters?

The main issue is clarity. Do whatever you can to avoid confusion. 

I got all A’s on my report card.  Without the apostrophe, we have As. Looks like its own word (as), so an apostrophe is a wise choice.Same with I’s and U’s because without the apostrophe, they are their own words (is, us).But what about with other letters: E‘s? T‘s? ws? Well, technically a letter used as itself is written in italics, and the s  to make it plural is not, so that might take away some of the confusion: ws. That still looks weird. And confusing. Even the uppercase plurals look weird to me: Ws. There is no rule per se, so make your best choice. I would choose to use an apostrophe to make a single letter plural.

On to numbers: 7s? 25s? Once again, it is up to you. I am not a lover of putting in extra apostrophes unless necessary, so I would probably not put the apostrophe in. If there is a “rule,” it is to not use the apostrophe because there is really no cause for confusion.

People have a lot or issues writing the plural of decades. Of course, you can always just write out the words: the sixties. Everyone (probably) will know you mean the 1960s. So, yes, it is 1960s as a plural – no apostrophe as a plural. But as a possessive? I love 1960’s fashion. What about just the “60s” ? No apostrophe is needed — before the s. However, we need an apostrophe at the beginning to indicate that the  19 has been left out (or 18 if you are talking about the 1860s). So, it is  the ’60s.

the sixtiesthe ’60sthe 1960s

 

What’s New? Neologisms

Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay

Neologism: neo (new) and logos (speech, utterance).

Neologisms are newly coined words or phrases that may be commonly used  but have yet to be formally accepted as constituting mainstream language.  Because of societal changes of all types,  language needs to evolve as well. So people create new words that express concepts or ideas that were previously expressed using other words or use words that may not have existed at all. Neologisms can be completely new words or just new meanings for existing words. 

Here are some examples of neologisms that are finding their way into the English language.

Google: To use an online search engine as the basis for looking up information on the World Wide Web.

404: Someone who’s clueless. From the World Wide Web error message 404 Not Found, meaning that the requested document could not be located.

Spam: Flooding the Internet with many copies of the same message, in an attempt to force the message on people who would not otherwise choose to receive it.

App: Software application for a smartphone or tablet computer.

Noob: Someone who is new to an online community or game.

Troll: An individual who posts inflammatory, rude, and obnoxious comments to an online community.

Metrosexual: A man who dedicates a great deal of time and money to his appearance.

Muffin top: This refers to the (often unsightly) roll of fat that appears on top of trousers that feature a low waist.

Stitch ‘n’ bitch: A gathering of individuals who chat or gossip while knitting or crocheting.

BFF: Stands for best friends forever. Used to state how close you are to another individual.

Vagjayjay: Slang term for the vagina that was believed to have been coined by Oprah.

Chilax: To calm down or relax, it is a slang term used when someone is starting to get uptight about something that is happening.

Staycation: A vacation at home or in the immediate local area.

Generonyms: Words that are brand names, but have become the generic word for that product.

Band-aidKleenexFrisbeeXeroxTupperwareEscalatorGranolaCokeThe Washington Post Neologism Competition

And now for the amusing part: Every year The Washington Post runs an annual competition in which the readers of the newspaper are asked to submit alternative meanings to existing words. Someone has probably sent you these in an email at some time! Here are the winners for 2023:

1. Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.
6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly
answer the door in your nightgown.
7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle (n.), olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulance (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over
by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. Pokemon (n), a Rastafarian proctologist.
14. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that when you die, your Soul flies up
onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Circumvent (n.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.Abdicate: to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

And here are some other humorous neologisms, made by slightly modifying words. Try to do one yourself. I have found them extremely difficult to come up with — and I have yet to come up with one.

Adulatery: cheating on one’s wife with a much younger woman who holds you in awe.

Burglesque: a poorly planned break-in. 

 Contratemps: the resentment permanent workers feel toward the fill-in workers.

Crapacity: The size of one’s attic.

Deifenestration: to throw all talk of God out the window.

Elepants: too-tight jeans on broad-beamed people.

Emasculathe: a tool for castration.

Eruditz: A philosophy professor who can’t figure out how to work the copying machine.

Eunouch: the pain of castration.

Foreploy: any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of obtaining sex.

Gargoyle: olive-flavored mouthwash.

Genitaliar: an image-enhancing object that can be carried in a man’s front pocket.

Giraffiti: vandalism spray-painted very, very high.Glibido: all talk and no action. (or how about gabido for “all talk no actio”? Hey, I made one up!)

Goodzilla: a giant lizard that puts out forest fires by stamping on them.

Guillozine: a magazine for executioners.

Guiltar: A musical instrument whose strings are pulled by your mother.

Hindkerchief: really expensive toilet paper.

Hipatitis: terminal coolness.

Hozone: the area around 14th Street.

Impotience: eager anticipation by men awaiting their Viagra prescription.

Inoculatte: to take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

Intaxication: euphoria at getting a refund from the IRS, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

Nazigator: an overbearing member of your carpool.

Osteopornosis: a degenerate disease.

Pectacles: gladiator movies.

Percycution: Giving your child a name he will hate for the rest of his life.

Pokemon: a Rastafarian proctologist.

Rectitude: the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

Refiance: To replace your subprime boyfriend when your interest starts to vary.

 Reintarnation: coming back to life as a hillbilly.

Rococoa: Haute chocolate

Sarchasm: the gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the recipient who doesn’t get it.

Skilljoy: The would-be friend who’s a bit better than you at everything.

Suckotash: a dish consisting of corn, lima beans and tofu.

Vaseball: a game of catch played by children in the living room.

Thank you to these websites for the information!

Philosfx

Vappingo

————————————————————- I still would love to write a post about YOUR favorite books, either recent or not. Please join those who have sent me their lists: send to bigwords101@yahoo.com with “books” in the subject line. Thank you!

 

 

 

What I Have Been Reading: Some Books You Might Enjoy

Image by Wolfgang Eckert from Pixabay

According to the Goodreads website, I have read 36 books so far this year; I challenged myself to read 52. I always outread my challenge. I need to keep track of what I read on the Goodreads site because I cannot ever remember what I have read, and I wouldn’t want to reread something by mistake! It has happened, and sometimes I don’t even realize I have read the book before until I’m way into it.

I just finished American Carnage by Fred Gutenberg whose daughter was one of the students murdered in the Parkland shooting. He has been a strong advocate for stricter common sense gun laws ever since. He actually co-wrote the book with another author whose name escapes me, and I haven’t heard of. I gave the book four out of five stars. It was interesting with lots of facts and lots of common sense. The problem with the book was that I sometimes felt as if I was reading the same information over and over again. I don’t know how the authors worked together, but it seemed as if one of them wrote a section and then the other wrote the same information.  However, especially if you aren’t a close follower of the news and politics, I would recommend it. 

I don’t usually read many thrillers. I must have seen Falling on a recommended list. Five stars. Great book. It is written by T. J. Newman, who is a woman. I wonder if she uses her initials so people will think she is a man (like S.E. Hinton did back in the 1960s when she wrote The Outsiders). Guilty as charged. I somehow assumed the author was male. It is an airplane thriller, and the author is a former flight attendant. Her other book is Drowning, another equally wonderful airplane thriller. Another five stars.

I read I Have Some Questions for You by Rebecca Makkai for an online book club I sometimes attend. I will admit it is very well researched and written, but it was a lot. A lot of characters, a lot of things happened, just a lot. I didn’t love it, and I didn’t really dislike it. I just thought it was a little hard to push through.  But everyone in the book club liked it. I generally go for a little easier read than I can race through.

Telephone by Everett Percival is an unusual book. I read it for “sort of a book club,” where there is no discussion, but there is a conversation with the author . I liked the book, but I didn’t like the ending. When I saw the interview, I discovered there are three different versions of the book, all alike but with different endings. And you don’t know which book you are getting. The author did not want people to realize there were three different versions. Hopefully, there was a version with a better ending than the one I read.

Mary Kubica wrote two excellent thrillers that I recently read:  Local Woman Missing and Just the Nicest Couple. Both recommended.

I don’t think I had ever read Isabel Allende until recently when she was one of the authors in conversation (it’s through California Book Club, sponsored by the Alta Journal). I loved the conversation with her, but not the book, which was House of the Spirits. But then I read her Soul of a Woman and loved that one. 

The Boy and the Dog by Seishu Hase is a really enjoyable book — and easy to get through. I read it for the online book club. It was my first meeting (and of course I didn’t remember much about the book since I had finished it a couple of weeks before), so I didn’t participate, just listened in. The common thought was that it was kind of simple, but good. I liked it. 

I gave five stars to For Those Who Are Lost, an excellent historical fiction by Julia Bryan Thomas. Another really good historical fiction I would recommend is Lessons by Ian McEwan.

In the past few years Liane Moriarty has become really popular, mostly for her initial bestseller Big Little Lies. I loved that one, and loved her few following books even more, including The Husband’s Secret and What Alice Forgot. But I didn’t love her most recent books like Truly, Madly, Guilty, which I gave three stars to.

Here are a few other books I read recently and liked. These are aimed mostly at women readers:

The Happy Place by Emily HenryThe Homewreckers by Mary Kay AndrewsBetter Than Fiction by Alexa MartinMiss Demeanor by Elinor Lipman. I gave only three stars to this one (I did like her previous books more), but I mention her because she went to the same college as I did; she was one year ahead of me. If you have read a great book (or a terrible one) recently, send me some info about it to my email at bigwords101@yahoo.com (or through the website contact form). Please do not write about it in the blog comments. If I get enough responses, I will write a blog post about your choices.