Rob Smyth's Blog, page 71
August 25, 2022
England v South Africa: second Test, day one – as it happened
England closed on 111 for three, a deficit of 40, after James Anderson and Stuart Broad help skittle the tourists for 151
“I watched Speed last night,” brags Tom van der Gucht, “and was lamenting how we don’t get high-brow action films with a clear selling point like that anymore. Die Hard, Point Break, Executive Decision etc ... I think the beauty of these films was the basic pitch so I got thinking about cricket (no pun intended) and came up with my action cricket film:
It’s 2023 ... the Lords Coronation test ... King Charles and newly elected (following a snap Truss election) PM Keir Starmer are in attendance. England are in trouble, just before lunch they’re 4 down for 15 runs within the first hour. Stokes (played by Tom Hardy) walks through the Long room and is handed a note by a steward as he enters through the gate: it reads... “Bombs are planted around the ground ... The Duke balls have a mile-o-meter installed ... each one has to travel a minimum of 10km every hour ... if not ... kaboom. No-one else knows, and if they find out ... KABOOM! If you make it to 80 overs, you’ll have saved everyone...” With beads of sweat dripping, he smashes his first 3 balls for 6 and continues going ballistic until ... Lunch!
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August 15, 2022
Liverpool 1-1 Crystal Palace: Premier League – as it happened
Darwin Nunez was sent off on his home debut for headbutting Joachim Andersen as Liverpool’s frustrating start to the season continued
The players stroll onto the field, all wearing their gamefaces. It looks a bit gloomy on Merseyside, with something called ‘rain’ in the air.
“Nunez has looked very good so far,” says Brendan Large. “Is this the new first-choice front three for Liverpool?”
Continue reading...August 14, 2022
Nottingham Forest 1-0 West Ham: Premier League – as it happened
Taiwo Awoniyi struck for Forest before Declan Rice had a penalty saved by Dean Henderson as Steve Cooper’s men clung on for a win
Here come the players. It’s a gorgeous day in Nottingham, and many of the home supporters are beaming with joy and pride as they greet their team. They’re not just applauding today’s XI; they’re clapping everyone who was involved last season as well.
The Forest captain Joe Worrall is in the tunnel, chatting to one of the mascots. Normally footballers do that to help the mascot relax; I suspect today Worrall is doing it to calm his own nerves.
Continue reading...August 13, 2022
Arsenal 4-2 Leicester, Manchester City 4-0 Bournemouth: clockwatch – as it happened
Gabriel Jesus scored two and made two on his home debut, while City won easily despite Erling Haaland having only eight touches
In a parallel universe, Neil Warnock is just starting his teamtalk ahead of a tricky match at the Weston Homes Stadium
‘The name’s w****er. Colin w****r’, etc.
Continue reading...August 10, 2022
Real Madrid 2-0 Eintracht Frankfurt: European Super Cup – as it happened
Real were too good for Frankfurt in Helsinki, where goals from David Alaba and Karim Benzema settled an enjoyable game
Here come the players. The captains, Karim Benzema and Sebastian Rode, are each carrying the trophies they won last season. In a couple of hours, one of them will be holding the Super Cup an’ all.
“I was at the UCLA campus recently in the Los Angeles when lo and behold the Real Madrid team turned up in golf cards to be ferried to some practice sessions,” says Liverpool fan Ian Copestake. “It completely spoiled my morning.”
Continue reading...August 7, 2022
Manchester United 1-2 Brighton: Premier League – as it happened
Erik ten Hag’s reign got off to a false start as Pascal Gross scored twice to give Brighton their first-ever victory at Old Trafford
“Hi Rob,” says Ian Copestake. “Does the bench Ronaldo is on have weights, a squat rack and a power cage?”
No, but you can still order Big Macs on Deliveroo. They’ll deliver to the dugout.
Continue reading...August 6, 2022
Tottenham v Southampton, Newcastle v Nottingham Forest: clockwatch – live!
Spurs and Leeds came from behind to win, Newcastle were too good for Nottingham Forest and Bournemouth stunned Aston Villa
There are 15 minutes remaining at Craven Cottage, where - would you believe it, Frank - Fulham lead Liverpool 2-1. Barry Glendenning has the latest.
No new faces in the Spurs XI, though Ivan Perisic is one of five new faces on the bench. Richarlison isn’t among them; he’s suspended after misbehaving with a flare when Everton beat Chelsea last season.
Continue reading...August 5, 2022
Crystal Palace 0-2 Arsenal: Premier League season kicks off – as it happened
Gabriel Martinelli’s header and an own goal from Marc Guehi gave Arsenal a solid victory in an engaging match at Selhurst Park
“As an Arsenal fan I have a feeling at the start of this season that I haven’t had for many, many years,” says Matt Emerson. “It’s actual Optimism, rather than it’s nastier, mendacious cousin Hope. This will all change by 8:20 I’m sure, but it’s nice to welcome it back, however briefly…”
I was trying to remember the last time Arsenal had such a good young side. The late 2000s/early 2010s, I guess, but then you have to go back to the early days of George Graham.
Continue reading...The Fiver | Arsenal, expectation and the trouble with being champions of pre-season
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It’s back! The best league in the world at saying it’s the best league in the world returns to our orbit on Friday night, and The Fiver is ready. We’ve lined up the essentials – tin hat, Tin – and will be foregoing the not inconsiderable pleasure of George Clarke’s Remarkable Renovations on 4Seven so that we can watch Crystal Palace v Arsenal. There’s been a remarkable renovation – pick that segue out – at Arsenal. According to our chirpy and occasionally decipherable nephew #5r, they’ve already won pre-season. We think he’s referring to the bargain buys of Gabriel Jesus and Oleksandr Zinchenko, though he also swears by Fábio Vieira’s Fifa ratings.
Continue reading...July 30, 2022
Liverpool 3-1 Manchester City: Community Shield – as it happened
Darwin Nunez came off the bench to win a penalty and score on his debut as an impressive Liverpool deservedly won the Community Shield
1 min Peeeeeeeeep peeeeeeeeeeeeeee! The 2022-23 season (top flight, English, men’s) is under way.
Jurgen Klopp and Jordan Henderson lead Liverpool onto the field, then Pep Guardiola and Ruben Dias do likewise with City. Let’s get this 11-month party started.
Continue reading...Rob Smyth's Blog
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