Rob Smyth's Blog, page 105

August 15, 2020

England v Pakistan: second Test, day three – as it didn't happen

Rain, bad light and a wet outfield meant that no play was possible on a frustrating day at the Ageas Bowl

6.48pm BST

6.22pm BST

5.18pm BST

5.17pm BST

And what a day it’s been. Thanks for your company, apologies for the English weather. See you in the morning for more frustration.

5.13pm BST

“Good morning Rob,” says Adam Roberts. “Not about cricket, but your remark, ‘Following live sport at 35,000 feet is a unique experience’ reminded me of the time I was on an American Airlines flight from Barbados to Miami during the World Cup semi-final. When we landed the captain announced that Germany had beaten Brazil 7-1. A few of us exchanged glances and I said to my young companion ‘ He’s American, he must have got that wrong’.”

I suspect a few people were saying the same thing last night.

5.08pm BST

It’s now raining. That might be it for the day, whatever day this is.

5.00pm BST

“MS Dhoni’s retirement is heartbreaking,” writes Matt Dony. “I mean, obviously he’s an enormously talented player, but I think we can all agree that the main thing he brought to the party was the ability to make me feel like a superstar. Having an unusual name, which happens to be a perfect homophone for that of an elite cricketer, I never tired of listening to commentary praising his play. I could live vicariously through his experience. ‘Dhoni is judging this run-chase masterfully.’ Why, thank you very much. I do my best. I’m going to miss that. Stupid as it may be.”

5.00pm BST

“Dhoni completed the set in white-ball cricket – World T20, World Cup and Champions Trophy,” says Digvijay Yadav. “I’d have thought the former and the latter were more nail-biting than the 50 over final. Those two went - to borrow from Ravi Shastri - right down to the wire. Whereas I thought, post the initial hiccup, the 2011 final was in the bag midway through India’s innings.”

Yeah, on reflection it looks like they had it under control from about the 12th over. I can’t remember whether I felt that way at the time, possibly not.

4.39pm BST

Ambassador, with all these inspections you really are spoiling us. There will be another at 5.15pm.

4.33pm BST

The umpires have decided the outfield is still too wet. The light isn’t great, either, so there is no prospect of play at the moment.

4.29pm BST

“Hi Rob,” says Graham Smart. “I spent three months in 2011 on a beach in Goa, watching pretty much every day of the World Cup in a bar at one end of a three-kilometre stretch of sandy paradise. After India won, we had fireworks on the beach and as midnight ticked over it became my birthday, so we had some more. Glorious.”

That sounds, well, glorious. By contrast, I passed out after about three drinks that night. (Insert your own joke here.) I’ve never been so tired in my professional life – Andy Bull was at the tournament so I liveblogged at least 90 overs of most matches. It was great fun, especially England’s bizarro progress to the quarter-finals, but utterly exhausting.

4.25pm BST

“Hi Rob,” says Kishalay Bannerjee. “Just heard the news of MS Dhoni’s retirement, and would like to share an anecdote about that World Cup final innings. As luck would have it, my family and I were travelling back from Kerala to Kolkata that day, and thus missed most of India’s chase.

“I remember the pilot giving the passengers regular updates on the score, with the entire flight silent after the dismissals of Sehwag and Tendulkar. People began to hope after Kohli and Gambhir’s partnership, but Kohli’s dismissal (in the middle of the in-flight meal) brought about another wave of tension. I remember disembarking at Kolkata with about ten overs left, and convincing my parents to stay and watch the match on the big screens at the airport itself, as I was convinced the match would end before we got home.

4.16pm BST

“Afternoon Rob,” says Damian Clarke. “I really, really, really, really, really, really, really am bored. So thanks, will do.”

4.09pm BST

Sky are showing highlights of MS Dhoni’s finest hour, the 2011 World Cup final. If you’re very, very, very, very, very, very, very bored, you can revisit our liveblog from that day.

4.05pm BST

“Anyone suggesting a sixth day clearly hasn’t seen the weather forecast,” says Barry Etheridge. “We’d be lucky to get it finished on the 16th day!”

3.59pm BST

Your contribution to Indian cricket has been immense, @msdhoni. Winning the 2011 World Cup together has been the best moment of my life. Wishing you and your family all the very best for your 2nd innings. pic.twitter.com/5lRYyPFXcp

3.45pm BST

There will be another inspection at 4.15pm. It’s not raining, but the outfield is wetter than this simile.

3.40pm BST

There are strong rumours that MS Dhoni has retired from international cricket. He’s 39 years old so it’s wouldn’t exactly be a surprise, but it would still be a seismic day. Dhoni is one of the most iconic cricketers of all time, and arguably the greatest finisher of the lot. His matchwinning innings in the 2011 World Cup - when he promoted himself up the order, risking a lifetime of infamy if it went wrong, because it was the right thing to do - was utterly immense. He will be remembered as the man who conquered the world with a resting heart rate.

3.36pm BST

The umpires are inspecting as I type. On Sky Sports, Nasser Hussain and Mike Atherton are giving them, and the sport generally, a serve for the lack of cricket in this game.

3.31pm BST

“Hello,” writes Hussain Kureshi. “Some feel that this match is beginning to remind them of the 1987 tour. And I think of my uncle’s book, Imran’s Summer of Fulfilment.

“My uncle passed away early this year. I remember him making me read through his manuscript when I was 14 years old. The world has changed; my uncle used to teach me how to go on the front foot while playing in his garden in Dedham, near Colchester. Imran Khan is the Prime Minister of Pakistan, Mike Gatting is the Chairman of MCC and so on.

3.20pm BST

“Given the summer it is and the effort made by Pakistan,” says Andrew Hurley, “why not play a sixth day?”

I like that idea in principle but it would mean a really short turnaround before the next Test. And you know what cricket is like with changes to the playing regulations.

3.09pm BST

Wickets are falling all over the place in the Bob Willis Trophy. Tanya Aldred has the latest.

2.50pm BST

Thanks Adam, afternoon folks. This is all a bit 1987, but with luck we might get some play after tea. To wit, there will be an inspection at 3.30pm.

2.43pm BST

And that, my friends, is me done. Thanks for your company on this rainy Saturday. For the second birthday in a row, I’ll reflect on this as time nicely spent. Enjoy the afternoon with Rob Smyth, who I hand the baton over to now. Chat tomorrow!

2.40pm BST

The umpires are having their first look. So, more good news via my press box colleagues watching on. The rule of thumb after a long delay is at least an hour to clean the ground up, assuming no further rain that is. A big assumption.

2.37pm BST

Light rain still falling at Southampton as they cut back on Sky. “But more promising signs,” reports Ian Ward. I didn’t expect that! “Encouraging news, but we are not there yet.” To be clear, all the covers remain on and it’ll take a long time to get the show on the road but let’s not quibble at this stage of a long rain delay.

2.30pm BST

A lot of chat on twitter about this coaching clinic earlier on Sky with Mark Wood being very good. All of the players during this Test summer have been superb in terms of the time and access they have given broadcasters in the bubble.

KIDS COACHING CLINIC

I better watch my back; this lad is going to take my place! Some of these bouncers are lethal

Watch this morning's brilliant fast bowling coaching clinic with @MAWood33, @WardyShorts and @Athersmike, in full, here

2.28pm BST

Let’s keep Tanya company too. She’s working exceptionally hard keeping her eye on nine Bob Willis games at the same time. And get this: Surrey, ten minutes down the road from where I type, are 34/4 at Arundel Castle with Jason Roy walking in. [Eyes emoji, eyes emoji, eyes emoji].

2.19pm BST

“Loving Winnie’s Mad Max 2/Escape From New York hair stylings,” says Robert Wilson, having seen my insta story from a couple of posts ago. “What a diamond. Absolutely the way to go.” No matter how often her hair is brushed down, it is always bouncing back into a comfortable Mohawk. I hope this lasts FOREVER.

I have a message back from Chris Rogers, who sheds a bit more light (sorry) on the situation. It’s to do with the sightscreen. As he explains, when they first started using the pink ball (in those early Sheffield Shield trials) it was with a black sightscreen when they didn’t realise that pink is seen as a dark colour by those with that particular type of colourblindness - thus the problem. Now, to the best of both of our recollections, the sightscreen in day-night Tests are white.

2.14pm BST

“Hey Adam, how’s it going?” JP, we’re into hour five of rain, so I’ve been better. However, it’s been a lovely morning in the inbox, so no complaints. “I can’t see this different ball dye debate going anywhere (and it hasn’t, in years). Why not simply make the use of exclusively spinners and other slow bowlers mandatory for the duration of any light meter fail? It would all even out in time, and could be seen as the equivalent of a formula one safety car - yes, everyone unfairly catches up, but the best car/driver still invariably (too invariably some might say) wins in the end. Better than no cricket, anyway.”

Good in theory but, as we saw at Old Trafford last week, it can actually hurt the fielding team, as it did when Joe Root and Dom Bess were bowling when they otherwise wouldn’t have been, Pakistan squeezing an extra 20-odd runs in.

2.09pm BST

“Hi Adam.” Hi, Euan Lawson. “Yes, I’m also colour blind and can confirm the red ball can be a bit of a nightmare. However, not all red-green colour blindness is the same - some people lack the cones that see in the mostly green part of the visual spectrum and some lack the red with variations in severity. For me, I don’t really see pinks - they are just rather grey. Red balls against a dark green background are desperately hard to see. There is some evidence that red-green cricketers are under-represented at the highest levels of the game and have lower batting averages. There is also an argument that colour-blind cricketers may do better with close fielding rather than being parked at cow corner. However, it’s clearly not necessarily a massive handicap. WH Ponsford is the go-to example with the 6th highest 1st class batting average in the history of the game. And wasn’t Botham colour blind? I’ve never had that confirmed. Perhaps someone knows. Links to studies and more on Ponsford here.”

Fantastic, I’ll take a look at that. Many thanks.

2.02pm BST

“As another colour-blind person,” begins Sean Clayton, “I’d agree with James Lupton: for me, pink on green is easier to follow than dark red. The shade of the green background matters too: the pale green of a first-class ground is generally fine for spotting a dark red cherry. Much more of a problem at pub level, where tracking the ball in lush, damp ankle-length outfield grass is a trial.”

My recollection was that it also had to do with the green seam on the early versions of the pink ball. After the November 2015 Test, they reverted to a black seam.

1.44pm BST

Sky Cricket is the best live TV cricket broadcast in the world. I think there’s a consensus around this. But what gets lost a bit is just how good their music selections are. Day in, day out, their producers nail it. I mention this because, when cutting back for a (grim) update, they skipped through the weather and ground report to this Metronomy banger from their perfect English Riviera album of 2011.

1.39pm BST

“All the best from KL,” writes Joel Eley. “A few weeks ago you made my mate Trizzy and his family feel good when you posted about his old man. So kudos and have a great day. Just wish there was cricket.” Of course - I hope they’re going well, Joel.

“Hi Adam,” begins Nick Kai Nielson with an email titled ‘fluorescent balls!’ - yes, I’ll read that. “A bit of idle ‘green-field’ thinking about red/pink balls. What would happen if they experimented with mixing in some fluorescent dye into that of the red ball. It must be dyed, no cow’s that colour? It should then be more visible under flood lighting.

1.23pm BST

We’ve had play in six of the nine Bob Willis Cup fixtures. Follow that in another tab with Tanya Aldred as we work our way through to, well, whatever this becomes.

1.19pm BST

“Hi Adam.” Hi, James Lupton. “As a (basically) red/green colourblind person (see 12:24) I was surprised to read that the pink ball is harder for some cricketers to see than the red, as we tend to be very well tuned on tonal difference, and I would imagine it is a lot easier to spot the pink in the gloaming, just because it’s so much paler. Red is a crap colour to choose for danger because for us it just doesn’t leap out. When I were a lad, we used to have to use a white football at school and in the garden because the standard orange mitre ball of those days was the exact tone of fresh grass and would simply disappear, especially in bad light.”

Interesting, thanks for that. With an abundance of caution, I’ve checked how Chris Rogers identifies his colourblindness, and yes, he is also red/green. He missed a game in 2014 when they were still in the trial period. He’s also shortsighted.

1.12pm BST

Well, that was lovely. It wasn’t a sandwich I was being called into the other room for, it was a chocolate and banana birthday cake they baked for me! Very lucky.

Sky have returned to Southampton as I have to my desk and the news is, well, exactly the same. It does feel like we’re edging towards a grim washout.

12.57pm BST

“No change here,” tweets George Dobell from Cricinfo. “The lightest drizzle imaginable. Forecast not especially encouraging. Fair chance we’ll get no play.”

Obviously, everyone wants cricket, not least my colleagues at the ground this week. But the next best thing... an early call from the umpires to make it a washout. From memory, the earliest I’ve had as a journalist was 1pm at Sydney during the sodden 2016 Test between Australia and the West Indies. Needless to say, we enjoyed that.

12.39pm BST

“Adam, Happy birthday my Beamish Boy!” Robert McLiam Wilson, my most learned friend. “Does anyone remember Paper Cricket? That thing you used to do during PRBs (Protracted Rain-Breaks)? Pre or early digital, all you needed was a pen, paper and some form of number randomiser, a dice, a blindly tapped calculator, or even just a numbered scale-line upon which you could drop things. You could simulate 4-innings Tests (I did whole series), or you could take the individual career choice, adding the near orgasmic excitement of average-calculation. My abiding memory is that it was delightfully easy to cheat and all my paper versions of Mike Gatting were better than actual Mike Gatting. Sometimes I still come across these scrawled and faded scorecards on the backs of important old documents - along with a selection of my prepubescent wit and wisdom (Did Lee Harvey Oswald snore? Did Napoleon smell funny? Boobs are great.). I mention it because I saw one this morning. Late eighties, low-scoring, and runs had clearly been calculated by how many pigeons I could see from my window. We used to make our own fun, you know.”

Beautiful. Reminds me of an off-the-ball essay Daniel Norcross wrote for the Nightwatchman, recalling his dice cricket youth. Worth the price of the book.

12.33pm BST

“A follow-up, if you will!” Of course, Abhijato Sensarma. “The problem with playing as much with the red ball as possible is this - who decides when it is time to shift? The umpires have been notorious with their light-reading metres for the past few years by now. If it is left up to them (as it should be in the proposal you make) to decide when to switch, either team can call it unfair depending on the context of the match. Strategising becomes hellish too - when to declare, and who to send in to bat when? This seems more complicated than helpful to the game. For the sake of discussion, if I were to pick up my own proposal of playing the fourth session with the pink ball - (a) both teams would know what to expect when, and (b) as a consequence, batting orders and declaration strategies and will be made with more foresight. Makes for more consistent cricket.”

A good point about the inevitable whingeing that would follow umpires making the decisions. I suppose your fourth-session proposal is no more radical than mine...

12.24pm BST

“Hi Adam.” G’day, Graeme Thorn. “Has there been any consultation regarding how easy the pink ball is to see for players who are red/green colourblind? I imagine that the darkness of the shiny red cherry gives them enough differentiation
which would disappear when the pink is used.”

Good question. The answer is yes, some players can’t see it safely. The best example of this was Chris Rogers, who retired the summer before it would have been a problem for him as a Test player. From memory, Gary Ballance is in a similar boat.

12.18pm BST

An update from Sky at the ground. it’s still raining and dark and dreadful. I’m sorry.

“Morning Adam, checking in from Cameroon.” Great to have you with us, as always, Anna Halford. “Sadly, I am in the office, but on the other hand I have everything perfectly set up for constructive cricket-following while maintaining a convincing front of actually working: second screen with OBO, TMS overseas, and the BBC county coverage. I would normally be following Essex v. Sussex, but since it’s raining in Hove I am moonlighting with Yorkshire v. Derbyshire, with Yorks having a bit of a rocky start. Happy birthday - hopefully the weather gods will think you deserve some play as a present. Or if not you, then at least the rest of us.”

12.13pm BST

“Afternoon, Adam.” Hello, Digvijay Yadav. “Good to have you back with us. I don’t know if you saw Bayern’s evisceration of Barcelona last night? Made up for the rain delays yesterday. Made me think whether everything being recorded and stored for posterity is a good idea after all. On the one hand, future generations can see the majesty of Messi, Federer etc., on the other they’ll also be able to see the humiliations. P.S. Really enjoy your videos with Michael Vaughan.”

Thanks for the note. I was juggling a teething baby during her witching hour as the football played out last night, but did follow Scott Murray’s MBM.

12.01pm BST

“Bring on the pink ball,” says John Bartholomew. “No spectators to protest this time, but in normal times, the failure to deliver the amount of play in the day that has been paid for is daylight robbery – perhaps not quite the right phrase in this instance. It is particularly sad for people who have bought tickets months in advance, perhaps for just one day, perhaps with an eleven year old at their first cricket match. There really is no justification for this – a half price refund if less than 25 overs are bowled is an insult. My solution is as follows: All test match tickets are now paid for electronically – at least I assume this to be tha case. There should be an automatic pro rata refund for overs not bowled in any given day. For example a ticket costing £90, would include an automatic electronic refund of £6 if only 84 overs are bowled. This solution would also address slow over rates.”

Creative! On rates, I always find it fascinating how easily First Class teams get their overs in. I was calling Middlesex v Hampshire at Radlett last week and it was genuinely hot on each of the four days. Yet, each afternoon, both teams met their allocation of overs inside the permitted period of time. Funny that. Speaking of county cricket, we do have some play around the country. Follow it with Tanya.

11.51am BST

“Hi Adam.” David Wall, good morning. “Didn’t Stuart Broad discuss (and ruthlessly dismiss as though it was an out-of-form batter) your idea about switching to a (suitably aged) pink ball when it gets too dark to use the red one? His point was that it would be enormously unfair on the batting side at the point of the change because the two balls can behave so differently. I’m not sure I find that such a problem, after all, teams are always affected by changes in conditions (e.g. batting early or late in the day in the sub-continent when the dew forms on the pitch very quickly and heavily, changes in cloud cover, etc). But perhaps more of a worry is you might get days, and matches, where the light changes so often that you’ve forever having to switch between the red and pink ball, perhaps as often as every 5 overs. It would become farcical.”

He might’ve, I didn’t see that. And he’s right about it being much tougher. But then again, isn’t this the entire argument against day-night Test cricket in a nutshell, that it is tougher for batsmen under lights? Thankfully, I think anyway, we moved beyond that in the space of the first 12 months or so. Much the same way that there’s an acceptance that bowling in Australia can be hellish for seamers, right? And on point two, once the ball is changed to pink, that would need to be it.

11.43am BST

“Morning Adam.” Hello, Andrew Cosgrove. “The forecast I’ve seen is rain this morning, then a downpour at lunch, followed by more rain this afternoon. There will be plenty of time to discuss bad light all day. With regards red balls and pink balls, you said ‘but we are dealing with that via the change in ball colour’. But I think what a lot of people don’t appreciate is that it’s not just a case of the colour of the ball, it’s not possible to reproduce the dye and lacquer of the red ball in a different colour, so the pink ball is fundamentally different. They’re just not nearly as good. This is why I think changing the ball when the light is bad won’t work, and is arguably less of a working option than just swtiching permanently to the pink ball (which I think would be a bad idea too).”

My sense from talking to the players about this is that they felt that way in 2015 but not quite as much now. Basically, there’s an acceptance that the pink ball has improved and is closer to the red. But as I said at the end of my post, this isn’t a perfect fix, but if looking for a way to keep play going under lights, this’ll do that.

11.33am BST

An unpleasant weather forecast via Guardian occasional Chris Stocks, on twitter. “BBC Weather’s Tomasz Schafernaker: ‘It’s not changing for the next few days. On the radar further drizzle is upstream heading straight for Southampton. The weather is stagnant and not moving - I’ve got no good news!’” Uh oh.

An idea in from Abhijato Sensarma. “I have seen you be an advocate for using the pink ball under bad light for at least a year now, and I think there is merit to the idea. As I’ve done in the past too, I would like to complement this by saying that a day in Test cricket should be divided into four sessions of 23 overs each instead of three sessions of 30 each. This will allow players to be more refreshed and on top of their game, especially in strenuous weather like the Indian and Australian summers. If we use the pink ball under the lights like you suggest (or even throughout the match), we would be getting more live cricket without burning out the players or kicking up frequent controversies about bad light.”

11.24am BST

Perhaps my favourite rainy OBO discussion was during the World Cup last year as India and New Zealand were washed out at Trent Bridge. For reasons that I won’t bore you with, I spent the first hour posting from a gutter out the front shielding my screen from drizzle before getting into the press box, where we spent the next four hours talking about one topic and one topic only: umbrellas in the sky.

Now, I don’t want to repeat that - it was done then and done well - but I am obliged to post this email from Michael Keane, who informs me that there has been progress since the last time we talked (indeed, from today’s paper!), with the Irish on the front foot. I’ll hand over to him. And this doesn’t even require drones!

11.15am BST

The weather is horrible. Sky just gave us a wideshot and it was very dark, raining and altogether awful. Ali tells me that Broad and Anderson have packed it in for now and have walked back to their hotel rooms. As Ian Ward put it: “yuk.”

11.06am BST

I’ve recruited some Willie J Healey fans. Good to see. And there’s a link to cricket, I neglected to mention. Felix White, who hosts the brilliant Tailenders with Jimmy Anderson and Greg James, has WJH on his Yala! label. “I hadn’t heard of him before but when I listened I heard George Harrison,” writes Colin Hind. “I mean that as a compliment. Great song and arrangement.” Yep, his debut album was out last week and it’s quite something. Here’s another of his lovely tracks to get your teeth into.

“Thanks for the video link,” adds Damien Clarke. “I’m liking that. May I suggest a suitable one for anyone getting jittery about the prospect of limited play today?” Nice one. I’ll pop it on.

10.59am BST

Let’s open the inbox. Alisdair Macdonald Gould is off the mark first, saying nice things. Thank you. “How many candles?” 36 of them. The best gift was a card from baby Winnie (six months yesterday, blimey) with her footprints in paint.

“Birthday greetings, Adam.” Thank you, Spencer Robinson. “I’m on day 13 of a two-week hotel quarantine in Penang. I’m awaiting a beautiful sunset ... and keeping everything crossed for some fascinating cricket to get me through these final few hours of what has been a seemingly interminable lockdown.”

10.46am BST

An updated pic form the ground, and another update from Ali Martin now that he’s in the ground at Southampton. “Right, am now set up in the A̶d̶v̶a̶n̶c̶e̶ ̶H̶a̶i̶r̶ ̶S̶t̶u̶d̶i̶o̶ Shane Warne Stand and can confirm that yes, both bad light and mizzle mean we’re probably better off spending the morning watching yesterday’s warm and fuzzy video of Younis and Yasir on loop.”

Not the start to the day we wanted in Southampton, it's drizzling and the covers are on...

In better news, we've got our coaching clinic & @MAWood33 will be offering his advice too! #ENGvPAK

Watch live https://t.co/3V5xD5O02D
Blog https://t.co/Ohqb5x5fuT

10.43am BST

Bad light (always) stops play. Okay, I know it doesn’t, but it certainly has felt that way at times in this truncated Test summer. Jimmy Anderson was talking to the press last night and was fairly grumpy about how it all played out yesterday.

Let me put to you a solution I’ve been tossing around for a couple of years. I preface this by saying that I know the OBO can be a tough crowd when it comes to fairly radical reform. But hear me out, in the spirit of trying to find a better way.

10.27am BST

“I’m two miles from the ground and I have my windscreen wipers on.” The words of our man, Ali Martin, who called to relay the likelihood that it’s going to be another one of those mornings. Sorry. But it doesn’t mean we can’t have fun. You can do so by emailing or tweeting. Or find me on AOL or ICQ or MSN Messenger. Is Friendster still a thing? Will you find my own journal entries on MySpace?

Speaking of our team of Guardian cricket writers, while we wait for play, you might enjoy an interview on Geoff Lemon and my Final Word podcast that we’ve re-booted for the weekend: our long discussion with Vic Marks in 2017. We sat down with him at his Perth hotel a few hours after Australia had retained the Ashes. But this chat wasn’t about that Test, rather, his lovely lifelong journey in the game.

10.04am BST

Welcome to the third day of this second Test between England and Pakistan. The tourists are set to resume at 223/9 after just 40.2 overs were possible yesterday; not many more than the day before - we’ve essentially lost a day. But not to worry, this pitch is gives the impression that it will spit and seam (and probably spin) throughout, so there should be more than enough time to get a result by Monday.

The most interesting portion of the morning session is bound to be the interrogation Mohammad Abbas gives the England’s openers. On the evidence of what we’ve seen, it’s hard to imagine a surface better suited his classy brand medium pace. Rory Burns and Dom Sibley will need to bat exceptionally.

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Published on August 15, 2020 09:17

August 14, 2020

England v Pakistan: second Test, day two – as it happened

Pakistan’s innings will stretch into a third day after Mohammad Rizwan’s gritty 60 not out, and another early finish, left England frustrated

7.22pm BST

6.50pm BST

It’s official: the gloaming has got the better of the game. So Pakistan’s innings will stretch into a third day. They added 104 today for the loss of four wickets, with nearly all the runs coming from the classy Babar Azam or the canny Mohammad Rizwan, who’s still there on 60 – worth about a hundred on a flat wicket.

England’s four seamers bowled impeccably, then indifferently as Rizwan outwitted them. There’s more rain forecast and the draw is now the favourite, if not by much: on WinViz, it’s on 38 per cent, while England are on 36 and Pakistan 25. A draw would be hard on the Pakistanis, who would be unable to turn the series round, but it would at least rule out the dead rubber.

6.35pm BST

A good spot from Andy Zaltzman, the laughing person’s Bill Frindall. Mohammad Abbas’s wicket was Stuart Broad’s third of the innings, which means he has now taken three or more seven times in a row. “He’s the seventh England bowler to do this,” says Zaltzman, “after Graeme Swann (2009), Darren Gough (2001), Ian Botham (1978), Alec Bedser (1952-53), Maurice Tate (eight inns, 1924-25) and SF Barnes (also eight, 1913-14). Overall best: Murali 16, Waqar 14.”

Good company. Broad is clearly destined to be either a knight, a lord, a commentator, a coach or an enthusiast for hair-loss replacement.

6.20pm BST

“A bit late from Ian in Turkey,” says Ian Wilson, “but what was the point of selecting Bess? He has not bowled a ball, they could have played Wood or another batsman, unless of course spin is going to be the way to win in the second innings, but maybe Root forgot about him.”

Well, it’s high summer (or meant to be), and yes there’s the second innings, and spin can make the difference in Southampton – Moeen Ali has a great record there. And Bess did pick up a couple of wickets there a month ago, although that was under a different captain. I agree, Root could have gone with himself as the only spinner – or, if he was sure he wanted a specialist, brought in Jack Leach, who takes a wicket every 60 balls in Tests, whereas Bess needs 80.

6.12pm BST

“Afternoon from Petrolia, Ontario,” says Alex McGillivray. “Having a ‘disagreement’ with the missus. Can you confirm Jason Gallian’s Cricinfo pic looks a bit like a mid-90s Jim Carrey? Ta.”

I couldn’t possibly take sides in your forthcoming divorce, but it did make me laugh.

6.04pm BST

A question from Andrew Cosgrove. “When did ‘Cricket doesn’t help itself sometimes’ become the default statement when bad light stops play? I am seriously considering not watching the highlights this evening because I know Michael Vaughan will say it and I may end up putting my foot through my television.”

6.02pm BST

We have a joke, and it’s not the bad-light regulations. It comes from Dylan Drummond.

“Are there two wickets left to take then?”

5.56pm BST

“The definitive Tea Dance song.” says Andrew Thomas, picking up on 16:20 et al, “comes from North Walians Chugga.”

5.53pm BST

“There’s a very simple solution to Yadav’s problem,” says Adrian Goldman, picking up the baton from 17:23. “We can ask Gavin Williamson to come in and apply some statistical analysis. Based on my quick calculations, Pakistan were all out in their first innings for 145, and are being asked to preemptively follow on from England’s score of 473 for 1 declared. They have just reached 36 without loss.”

5.50pm BST

The light is steadfastly refusing to get better, which will be fine by one of our readers. “I must be alone,” says Timothy Harnedy, “in not being bothered by bad light stopping play. Test cricket is a game that rewards patience, so delays for bad light are part of its majesty.

“There’s no other sport where the conditions of the ground, the atmosphere and the playing equipment combine to have such an impact on the development of a match. We should be wary of seeing it as a problem that needs solving. The natural end state would be to play some sort of pseudo-cricket with a rubber ball on a hard surface (or inside) so that play could continue come rain, sleet or snow. And it would be rubbish.”

5.23pm BST

“Two things.” says Digvijay Yadav, sounding like a boss. “I am annoyed. This sport doesn’t help itself. (I haven’t got solutions. Just allow me to vent.) And they’ve linked the wrong email for you.” Ah, sorry. My people are onto it.

5.07pm BST

“I really can’t be arsed,” says Brian Withington, “to flesh out my old-gittery in full, so please feel free to perm and expand from the following. When will we ever learn - why oh why oh why - who writes these regulations - a (zero) capacity crowd short-changed - how do we expect to gain a new audience?

“Infuriated of Dorridge.”

4.47pm BST

86th over: Pakistan 223-9 (Rizwan 60, Naseem 1) Naseem nurdles a single first ball, in sharp contrast to his two predecessors. Rizwan, who moved into fourth gear when Yasir was out, decides it’s time for fifth. He gives Broad the charge and gets two for an off-wallop. Then there’s a half-volley, swinging away, and he’s seeing it well enough to cream it through the covers. Rizwan nicks a single off the last ball – but now they’re off again, because of the sodding light. Both sides would surely rather get on with the game.

4.42pm BST

This is as plumb as a very plumb plumb. Abbas reviews but it’s smacking into middle and leg. Seldom will see you a more useful score of 2.

4.39pm BST

85th over: Pakistan 215-8 (Rizwan 53, Abbas 2) A cup of tea and a change of plan: England now have a standard field for Rizwan, and Woakes is back in the corridor, which is surely better than the doghouse. Rizwan can’t get his single, so Abbas is staring down the barrel of an over from Broad.

4.20pm BST

On the subject of tea, here’s Sam Collier in Shetland. “Re Phil Sawyer’s link to Douglas Adams’ musings on correct tea preparation. I wonder if the great man was channelling this earlier work from Ginger Baker / Masters of Reality.”

4.19pm BST

Mid-85th over: Pakistan 215-8 (Rizwan 53, Abbas 2) Rizwan cuts Woakes for two, to take the partnership to 39. England badly need to break it. Where’s Ben Stokes when you need him? Now they go off for bad light, and that will be tea, with Pakistan having fun and England suddenly forgetting the simple virtues that put them on top an hour ago. The game is just where it should be, in the unsafe hands of Dr Ebb and Mr Flow.

4.12pm BST

84th over: Pakistan 213-8 (Rizwan 51, Abbas 0) To celebrate his two reprieves, Abbas gets off the mark! He edged Broad just short of Root, who winces and hopes he hasn’t broken a finger.

4.09pm BST

Umpire’s call – angled in, clipping the leg bail.

4.09pm BST

Not given, maybe going down...

4.09pm BST

Rizwan calls for a sneaky two and Abbas is struggling as Broad takes off the bails. But it’s not out! And that’s Rizwan’s fifty off 104 balls – worth at least 80 on a better pitch.

4.05pm BST

83rd over: Pakistan 208-8 (Rizwan 48, Abbas 0) Root is spreading the field for Rizwan, much to the distaste of Shane Warne. “Top of off stump and be patient, that’s all you have to do.” Rizwan helps himself to two leg byes and a flick off the hip to keep the strike.

“Thanks for the Gower of Song, OBO!” exclaims Pete Salmon (72nd over). “I now keep hearing Rizwan to the tune of Suzanne. And yes, I know that he’s half crazy, but that’s why I want to be here.”

4.00pm BST

82nd over: Pakistan 205-8 (Rizwan 47, Abbas 0) Rizwan, popping an edge off the shoulder of the bat, reckons he can run two. He’s sadly mistaken, so Mo Abbas has to get through five balls of Broad. By the end of the over, there are four slips and two short legs, but the last ball is an outswinger outside off, so Mo just lets it go.

3.56pm BST

81st over: Pakistan 204-8 (Rizwan 46, Abbas 0) Root entrust the new ball to Woakes, something he could do more often. There are more byes – four of them as Woakes gets his inswinger going too well, and Pakistan have made it to 200. Then Woakes goes the other way and concedes a wide, trying too hard to keep Rizwan off strike for the next over. Rizwan, unperturbed, dabs the seventh ball for a single to square leg.

3.50pm BST

80th over: Pakistan 198-8 (Rizwan 45, Abbas 0) Broad replaces Curran, tries a bouncer to Rizwan and concedes a bye as the ball takes off down the leg side. Not even Ben Foakes would have stopped that one. The new ball is imminent.

“Tower of Song, eh?” says Phil Sawyer. “Good man. You and I can sing it together at the socially distanced OBO karaoke (actually, is there any kind of OBO event that isn’t socially distanced?). Anyway, never mind those Yorkists. Douglas Adams wrote the definitive account of how to treat tea properly.”

3.45pm BST

79th over: Pakistan 197-8 (Rizwan 45, Abbas 0) And now Rizwan drives Woakes, on the up, to the extra-cover boundary. He has made every one of the 26 runs since Yasir was out.

3.41pm BST

78th over: Pakistan 192-8 (Rizwan 40, Abbas 0) Rizwan is having fun now, cutting a ball from Curran that is barely short for four, then playing a cute ramp over the slips for four more. He made his Test debut, Wasim Akram points out, as a batsman.

Meanwhile Rob Wilson has written an essay. “I think this is a good moment to sing the praises of cricketing rain. Cricket rain is not like other rain. Unless inveterate liars or mountebanks, we all have to admit that some of our happiest afternoons have been brought to us by cricketing rain (which somehow seems more hopeless and permanent in the afternoons). It taught us patience as children, the futility of all human desire as teenagers.

3.34pm BST

77th over: Pakistan 183-8 (Rizwan 31, Abbas 0) The old ball is swinging so much that there’s a case for not taking the new one right away. Woakes, tired of beating the bat, slips in a rare yorker, which Rizwan does well to spot. Rizwan shovels for two and pulls for a single, leaving Abbas to face one ball, an inswinger that he inside-edges safely enough.

3.30pm BST

76th over: Pakistan 180-8 (Rizwan 28, Abbas 0) Curran to Abbas: one 80mph bowler to another. Curran thinks he’s got him with an inswinger that thuds into the pad, but there was an inside edge, and England review in vain.

3.25pm BST

75th over: Pakistan 180-8 (Rizwan 28, Abbas 0) Rizwan, who had pushed to gully’s right, knew there wasn’t a run there. Now, joined by Mohammad Abbas, he changes gear, goes down the track and swipes Woakes through square leg for four. A bit more of that, please.

3.20pm BST

He’s gone now! The trouble with blocking all day long is that you don’t get much practice at running. Shaheen sets off for a mad run and, madder still, takes on Dom Sibley’s golden aim. It’s a direct hit, no replays required. And that’s the end of a 19-ball nothing.

3.17pm BST

74th over: Pakistan 176-7 (Rizwan 24, Shaheen 0) It was a lovely ball from Curran, full and juicy and curling away, bringing the stumps into play in Nasser-pleasing fashion.

3.16pm BST

A camera over Root’s shoulder, looking down through his legs, shows the ball touching the grass. And Shaheen is free to resume what could be one of the all-time epic ducks.

3.14pm BST

Shaheen finally nicks one, which goes straight to Root at first slip, so low that he can’t be sure he’s taken it cleanly. The umps confer and the soft signal is out.

3.10pm BST

73rd over: Pakistan 175-7 (Rizwan 23, Shaheen 0) Woakes replaces Anderson, by the same token. He beats Shaheen three times, by wide margins, and Nasser Hussain tells him off for not bringing the stumps into play.

3.06pm BST

72nd over: Pakistan 174-7 (Rizwan 22, Shaheen 0) Broad goes off, so he can come back with the new ball, and here is Sam Curran. Rizwan takes his single; Shaheen gathers four more dots.

“Since you mentioned the legendary Tower of Song by the genius L Cohen,” says Ian Batch, “I thought I’d amend the lyrics to another genius (slow day at work).

3.01pm BST

71st over: Pakistan 173-7 (Rizwan 21, Shaheen 0) After being together for two and a half overs, these batsmen are already set in their ways: Rizwan takes a single, then Shaheen collects some dots. He has 11 of them so far.

2.56pm BST

70th over: Pakistan 172-7 (Rizwan 20, Shaheen 0) Shaheen Afridi has begun with some sturdy blocks, but Rizwan may have to be the man to lift Pakistan over 200. Which might be a decent score on this classic greentop.

2.54pm BST

69th over: Pakistan 171-7 (Rizwan 19, Shaheen 0) Anderson has three for 47, his best figures of 2020. His strike rate this summer, which a few minutes ago was three times Broad’s, is now 76 balls per wicket, to his old mate’s 28.

2.50pm BST

Yasir, no sir, you can’t fiddle about in the channel against Anderson’s outswinger on a day as dank as this. A regulation nick, a simple catch for Jos Buttler and that is Jimmy’s 593rd Test wicket.

2.46pm BST

68th over: Pakistan 170-6 (Rizwan 18, Yasir 5) You’re not going to believe this, but there’s been a bad ball. Broad dishes up a floaty half-volley, like Andy Caddick on an off day, and Yasir is good enough to give it the smack to the cover boundary that it was asking for. Later in the over, reverting to form, Yasir executes a failed leave. Much like the country he finds himself in at the moment.

2.43pm BST

Ha, thanks Rob and afternoon everyone. The lyrics of Creep and a Tesco clubcard, eh. For me, it would have to be Tower Of Song and a My Waitrose card.

2.41pm BST

67th over: Pakistan 166-6 (Rizwan 18, Yasir 1) Rizwan, on the drive, is beaten by a sumptuous nipbacker from Anderson. An even better delivery roars past Yasir’s outside edge later in the over.

Right, that’s it from me. Tim de Lisle will be with you for the next few hours. The England bowlers often talk about finishing a spell strongly before they hand over to the new man. With that in mind, I’d like to apologise to Tim for giving him a Jos Buttler dropped catch at the start of his stint. Please email him about other topics as well, or tweet @TimdeLisle.

2.36pm BST

66th over: Pakistan 164-6 (Rizwan 17, Yasir 0) Rizwan is dropped by Buttler! It was a really difficult chance, diving high to his left when Rizwan gloved a pull down the leg side.

“According to the Oxford English Dictionary the term ‘batter’ has been in use since 1783,” says Phillip Mallett, “when it appeared in a poem called Surrey Triumphant by one J. Duncombe: ‘At last Sir Horace took the field, / A batter of great might...’ Immortal words, I’m sure you’ll agree.”

2.32pm BST

65th over: Pakistan 160-6 (Rizwan 14, Yasir 0) Anderson boings a grotesque lifter past Rizwan’s outside edge. It’s all fun and games for England at the moment, though it might not be when Shaheen Afridi and Mohammad Abbas start bowling.

“How to make a proper brew,” says Lorraine Reese. “You’re welcome.”

2.27pm BST

64th over: Pakistan 158-6 (Rizwan 12, Yasir 0) That was terrific stuff from Broad in tremendous English batting conditions. With Babar gone, the house could fall down apace.

“Hi Rob”, writes Tom Paternoster-Howe, “the link you posted to the list of England Test cricketers serves to highlight James Anderson’s longevity to a quite remarkable degree. I hadn’t realised he’d been capped earlier than current chief national selector Ed Smith or former Director of Cricket Andrew Strauss. Is there any other Test player who started playing before any of the selectors who could select them?”

2.24pm BST

Stuart Broad takes the big wicket of Babar Azam. It was an excellent delivery: the line and length were immaculate, and it straightened just enough to square Babar up and shave the outside edge.

2.23pm BST

63rd over: Pakistan 158-5 (Babar 47, Rizwan 12) Anderson returns after lunch and starts with a rare no-ball, called by the third umpire. I just don’t know what’s going off up there.

2.15pm BST

62nd over: Pakistan 156-5 (Babar 46, Rizwan 12) Broad’s second ball after lunch is a beauty, fuller and snapping off the seam to beat Babar’s outside edge. Babar keeps the strike with a single off the last delivery.

“I don’t envy Alice her tea-making politics,” says Steve Tayler. “I hardly drink the stuff, so have no valid opinion. When I make tea for my wife, I put the milk straight in after the water. Sometimes this includes a trip to the fridge and back, and sometimes I’ve already done that. Then I fish the bag out, and that’s it. Caroline likes tea flavoured liquid I guess. My daughter Louise turns out to have been a builder in a previous existence, and insists on what seems like several minutes’ brewing. I understand there is a very helpful video on the subject, posted by an American woman.”

2.11pm BST

The players are back on the field. The lights are on but it’s still dry, and that’s good enough.

1.35pm BST

“We ought not to worry too much about ‘batters’ sounding like a Yorkshire pudding or frying wrap,” says John Starbuck. “After all, a wicket-keeper could be someone who maintains church gates, a fielder could be someone with a scythe and a bowler could be one of Francis Drake’s pals (or a hard hat).”

So what’s a silly point?

1.34pm BST

Play will resume at 2.10pm, though I fully expect the apocalypse to begin at 2:09:59.

1.33pm BST

61st over: Pakistan 155-5 (Babar 45, Rizwan 12) Curran moves around the wicket for the last over before lunch. Babar moves across his stumps to work a pair of twos; I think only six of 45 runs have been scored on the off side. Pakistan won’t mind that if he continues to bat with such serenity and authority. He has been superb, Mohammad Rizwan excellent, and Pakistan have had the better of the morning session.

“Good morning Rob,” says Adam Roberts. “This 6.30 start (for me) is much more user-friendly! I see there is a Covid spike in Orkney - hope you’re keeping safe. Don’t you think that my hero Randall - as well as Rhodes - tends to have his batting underestimated because of his brilliance in the field and his eccentricities?”

1.28pm BST

60th over: Pakistan 149-5 (Babar 40, Rizwan 11) There should be time for two more overs before lunch. Broad bowls the first, and bends his back to ram in a short that Babar avoids. He’s a class act, this chap: in his last 20 Test innings he averages 71.

“On the subject of fielding at short leg,” begins Ian Copestake. “Isn’t ‘spending time under the helmet’ a public-school thing?”

1.24pm BST

59th over: Pakistan 148-5 (Babar 40, Rizwan 10) Curran is swinging the ball both ways, and I suspect batting is nowhere near as comfortable as Babar and Rizwan are making it look. Their judgement, in attack and especially defence, has been excellent. Babar plays a defensive stroke off Curran that bounces up in the vague direction of the stumps, prompting him to shuffle back and guard his furniture. In the end it was nowhere near.

“I’m also struggling with the batsmen/batters thing,” says Bob O’Hara. “Partly because ‘batters’ sounds a bit too Australian, but also because it makes them sound like a piece of haddock.”

1.21pm BST

58th over: Pakistan 147-5 (Babar 40, Rizwan 9) We still talk about the Fab Four of world cricket, even though Joe Root was asked to leave the group a couple of years ago. The ICC rankings have Babar at No6, though I think he’s closest to the Triffic Three of Smith, Kohli and Williamson. Marnus Labuschagne hasn’t done it for long enough yet.

1.18pm BST

57th over: Pakistan 147-5 (Babar 40, Rizwan 9) Rizwan misses an attempted hook at a leg-side bouncer from Curran. Not much is happening, which is good for Pakistan given the friendliness of the bowling conditions. If it stays like this, 200 wouldn’t be a terrible first-innings score.

“Whilst following the lack of play today over a leisurely breakfast, my boyfriend and I got into a heated conversation,” writes Alice from London. “I poured hot water over my tea bag and approximately three seconds later added milk. He told me I was ‘a waking nightmare’. I did wait a minute before removing the teabag. He waited a full two minutes before removing the teabag and then adding milk. We are now driving to Hastings to visit some antique shops. He won’t speak to me. He insists it isn’t about the tea. I hope it’s the lack of play.”

1.12pm BST

56th over: Pakistan 146-5 (Babar 39, Rizwan 9) Broad replaces Woakes and starts with a quiet over, just a single from it. Pakistan have batted with calm authority this morning, Babar in particular.

1.08pm BST

55th over: Pakistan 145-5 (Babar 38, Rizwan 9) Sam Curran replaces Jimmy Anderson. His first over includes some encouraging inswing to the right-handers; when that is happening, Curran becomes infinitely more dangerous.

“Has short leg always been the job given to the newest/youngest member of the team?” says Gary Bartley. “A role to endure until some other young buck comes along? If so, who are the England team’s most famous short leg graduates? I seem to remember Ian Bell short legging for a while before rising up the pecking order. And Pope will surely graduate too in time. But how many others have successfully passed through?”

1.04pm BST

54th over: Pakistan 144-5 (Babar 39, Rizwan 8)

1.01pm BST

53rd over: Pakistan 142-5 (Babar 38, Rizwan 7) A maiden from Anderson to Babar, who looks relatively comfortable out there. It feels like the kind of the pitch (or rather overhead conditions) on which you are never in, yet Babar has looked in control.

“I do find the inconsistency around Chris Woakes fascinating,” says Glyn. “If Root doesn’t bowl him, then it’s because he doesn’t rate him highly enough, so people say. Then when he does bowl him (like now), there’s criticism because Broad isn’t bowling. It does feel that Woakes and Root are a bit in a no-win situation here.”

12.55pm BST

52nd over: Pakistan 142-5 (Babar 38, Rizwan 7) Woakes goes wider on the crease to beat Rizwan with a snorting outswinger. Masterful stuff.

“Chris Drew’s email prompted me to look up stats for first class wickets,” says Tom Wein. “The numbers are ridiculous - as is the gap between older and modern cricketers. Wilfred Rhodes took 4,204 first class wickets. That’s three times as many as Warne (1319). The top five first class wicket takers all played their cricket before the second war. They’re also all English - presumably because no one else’s cricket was considered worth labelling as first class until 1947.”

12.51pm BST

51st over: Pakistan 142-5 (Babar 38, Rizwan 7) Anderson is a touch too straight to Babar, who flicks him through midwicket for four like it’s the easiest thing in the world. When he gets his line just right later in the over, the ball zips past Babar’s attempted back-foot drive.

“Many years ago I played a game for the Duke of Cambridge pub against the adjacent Royal Military School of Music at Kneller Hall near Twickenham rugby ground,” says Matt O’Driscoll, who can also provide the date, weather conditions and what was No1 in the pop charts if required. “The pub landlord, an Irishman named Pat Madden, came out to bat in his first ever game of cricket. He held the bat as I believe a hurley is always held by a right hander, with the left hand below the right. His first ball was a full toss and it disappeared for six over cow corner, after which I think he may have retired to finish his drink and/or prepare for opening time.”

12.48pm BST

50th over: Pakistan 138-5 (Babar 34, Rizwan 7) Rizwan cuts Woakes towards third man for three. The ball is still doing a bit, and Woakes smiles when his last delivery swerves past Rizwan’s lunging drive.

“Regarding the batsmen-batters discussion: I’m fairly sure that ‘batters’ was the common term in the 18th century,” says D. A. Ibbotson. “Perhaps cricket is returning to its roots, time is a flat circle etc. etc.”

12.44pm BST

49th over: Pakistan 134-5 (Babar 33, Rizwan 4) A maiden from Anderson to Babar, who is beaten by the last two deliveries. The first was a loose cut stroke, the second a defensive push at a gorgeous outswinger.

“Hallo Rob,” says Peter Haining. “Before anyone asks…”

12.40pm BST

48th over: Pakistan 134-5 (Babar 33, Rizwan 4) Chris Woakes continues, which is a slight surprise given the existence of Stuart Broad. Babar takes him off middle stump for four, flicking wristily through square leg. Beautiful shot. Another clip off the pads later in the over brings three more.

12.36pm BST

47th over: Pakistan 127-5 (Babar 26, Rizwan 4) Jimmy Anderson is often unplayable in these conditions. Babar Azam does the sensible thing, taking a quick single to get down the other end, and Rizwan survives the remainder of the over.

12.32pm BST

46th over: Pakistan 126-5 (Babar 25, Rizwan 4) Mohammad Rizwan plays out the last two balls of the over.

12.29pm BST

The players are out on the field, and live sport is upon us. Chris Woakes has two balls remaining in his eigth over.

12.28pm BST

“Aah,” weeps Digvijay Yadav. “Steve Finn. Had everything going for him and after Edgbaston 2015 and that tour of South Africa mentioned, looked like he had all the issues (read run up) behind him. Then the next thing you know, he played his last Test for England aged 27.”

Before Jofra, I hadn’t seen an England bowler with as much potential – not even Steve Harmison. I suspect that ultimately Finn had too keen a mind for his own good. (This may also be Jos Buttler’s problem as a Test batsman.) There was a terrific chat with Finn during the lunch break of one of the South Africa Tests – he spoke about his career like he was his own biographer, with such insight and a complete lack of bitterness, frustration or self-pity.

12.22pm BST

ICYMI department

12.20pm BST

“You do know that there are still some purists out there, short-form deniers, who only acknowledge Test match cricket as worthy of their time and of having value?” says Ian Copestake. “Twenty-what? OD-who? It’s five-dayers or nothing for this bunch. A pretty tight crew.”

Copestake, I’ve warned you before not to talk about this thing in public.

12.16pm BST

The batsman-wicketkeeper plot thickens

“In other news,” writes Ali Martin at the Ageas Bowl, “Jofra currently has the keeping gloves on (second day running).”

12.05pm BST

“There is another, very important, Jimmy stat looming on the horizon,” says Chris Drew. “A thousand wickets in first-class cricket. He’s currently on 967. Not many players in modern times will achieve that total.”

Especially if they are a seamer. I’m not sure who the last was, maybe Andy Caddick in 2005. A few spinners have achieved it since then.

12.01pm BST

Lunch is at 1.30pm and I don’t know what else to tell you.

11.56am BST

Batter v batsman “Also,” says Graeme Thorn, “‘batter’ introduces some symmetry - the other playing roles on the field are fielder, (wicket)-keeper and bowler, you don’t say ‘bowlsman’, ‘wicket-keepsman’ or ‘fieldsman’ very often, if at all.”

That’s a good email. Good enough, in fact, that I’ll forgive all those double quote marks I had to edit.

11.54am BST

“Good morning RA Smyth,” says James Debens. “Some cricketers are revealed to be mortals. I’d just watched Alan Igglesden bowl very well v Yorkshire (taking the wickets of Michael Vaughan and David Byas), only to watch in horror as he executed a 33-point turn in the car park of the Mote Park ground. Richie Richardson, in comparison, made an effortlessly smooth exit. Things were never the same for me after that summer of 1994, but at least I had Winnie by my side.

“PS Winnie being my Winfield jotter.”

11.52am BST

“As a kid, I used to the hold the bat by swapping my top and bottom hand,” says Damian Clarke. “No one in the colts or school picked up on it until until I joined Maidenhead and Bray at the age of about ten. In an early nets assessment session, a certain Michael Parkinson came over and asked just what the hell did I think I was playing at, and made me change my method. I thought he was very rude, but it did seem to work better, so begrudging respect was due, I suppose.”

I wish this was on YouTube.

11.50am BST

“When did they all become batters?” says Anthony Farmer. “It’s not baseball.”

There’s this new thing in society called ‘women’, I don’t know whether you’ve heard of them. (For what it’s worth, I still use ‘batsmen’ most of the time in men’s games, but surely you can understand why many people say ‘batter’.)

11.43am BST

“Steve Pye (11.07am) mentioned the Oval Test of 1995,” says Stephen Bickers. “Looking at the scoreboard, I see that three England players reached the 90s, but none of them made a century. Is that a record for players falling short in one Test match?”

Yep, though it’s shared with a few other teams, including West Indies in Trinidad in 1934-35 and Pakistan in Abu Dhabi in 2018-19.

11.36am BST

“In James Taylor’s all too brief England career he was brilliant at short leg,” says Graham Pierce. “He pulled off an absolutely belting catch there to dismiss Hashim Amla from a proper shot. It was such a shame he lost the chance to cement a position in the team and set the standard for close in fielding like that.”

He really was terrific. That South Africa tour of 2015-16 was sadly a false dawn for a few players: Taylor, Nick Compton, Steve Finn (who bowled magnificently) and even Trevor Bayliss as a Test coach.

11.28am BST

“It is possible for a right-hander to bat with his left hand below his right,” says Steve Hudson. “In the 1980s I played against a mid-Wales side that included a No 4 who did exactly that. He had played for the County side too, they said. It took some time to get used to the quirkiness of this. Anything (and I mean anything) pitched outside off stump was smashed along the carpet for four. After a while we realised that anything on leg stump left him completely strokeless. We stuck it there and he duly holed out.”

I’m trying to practise it now, admittedly with a coat hanger, and it just feels weird. I think I’ve put my back out, too, and I was only trying to steer it to third man for one.

11.25am BST

“I cannot believe Blur v Oasis was 25 years ago!” says Julie Wilson. “The year I went to Glastonbury where Oasis were playing and the year I got married!”

Time flies when you’r- wait, hang on.

11.23am BST

It has stopped raining and the clean-up operation is under way. There will be an inspection at 11.50am. In the meantime, I’m off to grab a coffee.

11.23am BST

“Not a slip or short leg, and not England, but Jonty Rhodes was clearly picked for his fielding - certainly in ODIs,” says Zadok Prescott. “His batting average was fairly... average, about 35 - but he would regularly add 15-20 runs saved with ridiculous stops - and batsmen certainly grew less likely to sneak a single anywhere near his backward point region. On top of the fielding runs he contributed - he would regularly pick up one or two wickets a match that were not really meant to be out with any other mere mortal fielding at backward point, either caught or run out. I’ve never seen a more pro-active fielder, he seemed to anticipate shots in his area and start moving before the batsmen completed the stroke, enabling him to make an extra few metres to make a runs save, catch or run-out.”

I’m not sure I agree that he was clearly picked for his fielding, even though he was outrageously good. I think he falls into the same category as Derek Randall - that if a selection was 50/50, maybe 45/55, he would get the nod. You could argue that because his fielding was so good he was slightly underappreciated as a batsman, certainly during his peak years in the late 1990s and early 2000s.

11.19am BST

“Why do people think that one rare excellent innings by Buttler, after an embarrassingly bad time keeping wicket, makes it the right to cement his place as wicketkeeper?” says Richard Smith. “He leaks runs behind the stumps, when he is up to the wicket for a spinner the ball invariably bounces off of him and he has no idea of stumping! For me the wicketkeeper has the only truly specialist fielding position and should have the best available ‘keeper’ in place.”

Whether you like it or not – and I think I might just know the answer – the role nowadays is batsman/wicketkeeper, not the other way round. It’s not going to change, so we might as well accept it and all send hate mail to Adam Gilchrist for vandalising culture with his genius.

11.15am BST

“It seems worth adding that England should never have the same wicketkeeper for all three formats,” says Tim Sanders. “This hasn’t been a problem so far because everyone got a rest in the spring, and then we had separate Test and ODI ‘bubbles’. But if the intention is to go back to how it was from 2014-2015, when Buttler kept wicket in Tests, ODIs and T20s, that would seem a mistake given the usual scheduling. I remember Buttler had to miss a few games with fatigue during that time. As a long-term admirer of Jonny, I feel a little sad to lean the opposite way to Vic Marks; and I am trying to be less curmudgeonly when Jos does well.”

I think this extended break is a good thing for Bairstow, who for his last 18 months in the Test match was repeatedly running head-first into a brick wall and telling everyone he was fine, he didn’t feel a thing. I wish he would help himself, though – his latest plan to bat No3 and keep wicket for Yorkshire is entirely ludicrous. For such a no-nonsense cricketer, he doesn’t half make some senseless decisions. But when he does get back in the Test team, as I suspect he will at some stage before the Ashes, I’d expect his batting form to be a lot closer to his 2016-17 best.

11.13am BST

“I am cheered that the world has come round to my way of thinking with your confirmation that 35 is the new 40,” says Ian Copestake. “I do however live in an even braver new world in which 51 is the new 35. Join us.”

11.08am BST

“With regards to John Starbuck’s email, last year the Australians were swooning about Bancroft’s close catching to the point it made one think that’s the reason he played,” says Digvijay Yadav. “In fairness, he was brilliant there. And I see that you let Hameed’s mention slide without a comment. I am sure there is a player there and one that’ll make it.”

11.07am BST

“Hi Rob,” says Steve Pye. “Staying on the nostalgic path that Gavin Monks strolled down, on this day in 1995 Mike Watkinson’s 82 not out helped England draw the fifth Test at Trent Bridge, and I dared to dream that England could beat the West Indies in a series. The pitch at the Oval didn’t really encourage a decisive result, though.”

I vividly remember driving home from work with my mum on the Friday afternoon of that Oval Test, listening to the radio as England posted an imposing 454, trying to get my head round the fact they were probably going to win a Test series against West Indies. Over the next 48 hours, West Indies scored the best part of 700. Is it any wonder I turned out like this?

11.03am BST

Here’s Iain Mott on the subject of batting stances. “I’m sure there was a Pakistan batsman, maybe in the 1970s, who played with his LEFT hand BELOW his right. Can anyone remember this?”

It was Wasim Raja. And all the other left-handers. But this is crap banter and you should ignore me, as you clearly meant a right-hander. I can’t think of anyone - surely that would be impossible? Even Paul Collingwood would deem such a grip to be a bit over the top (hand).

10.57am BST

“We’re all hoping and waiting for Jimmy to reach 600 Test wickets,” says Lorraine Reese, “but am I the only one thinking it would please the number geeks (of which I am one) if he got to 613?”

Ooh, good spot. If he finishes on 613 Test wickets it will be the second greatest stat involving an England cricketer.

10.53am BST

“We really ought to be hearing that the England coaching staff are prioritising close catching training, including analyses of position, stance and reactivity,” says John Starbuck. “Catches have always gone down at times and doubtless more will do so, but giving yourself an extra edge by having tip-top slips and other really close fielders should be imperative. On which note, I saw Haseeb Hameed take a couple of snorters at very short square in Notts’s last match. Has anyone ever been sacked/brought in for their close catching alone?”

Alan Oakman wasn’t picked for his ability at short square leg during the 1956 Ashes – but it helped. Derek Randall might have edged a 50/50 selection because of his fielding, though I don’t know of any examples on record. And though close catching isn’t the reason for his immortality, it would be remiss to post this entry without using the words Gary and Pratt.

10.48am BST

Twenty-five years ago today, two of Britain’s most popular pop groups released singles. Thanks to Gavin Monks for this particular nostalgic rush.

10.44am BST

Jos v Jonny v Ben v Jos v Jonny

“Morning Rob,” says John. “Am I alone in thinking that despite his innings to help win the match last time out - for which Buttler DOES deserve to have kept his place - he had another really poor day behind the stumps yesterday? He was moving back when Burns shelled the slip catch and should have been in place to take that, plus he failed to stop two or three down the leg side. Maybe I’m being unfair, but I guess I’ve just run out of patience, and I would bet money that he will never get his batting average up to 40. He’s just not good enough.”

10.39am BST

It’s grim down south, and I’d be surprised if we get any play before lunch.

9.37am BST

Pre-match reading

9.31am BST

England don’t really draw Test matches any more: just five in the last 50 and two in the last 29, stats that deserves their own Cliff Richard song. But if they want to maintain a mood of result positivity over the next few days, they could face a race against time. Thunderstorms and bad light meant only 45.4 overs were possible on the first day at the Ageas Bowl, with Pakistan struggling to 126 for five against some challenging bowling. The forecast is equally moody for the rest of the match.

The good news is that, when the players are on the field, the game should rattle along at a decent pace. There was swing and seam for the England bowlers yesterday, so Mohammad Abbas in particular should enjoy himself when the time comes. Might be today, might be tomorrow; it’s beyond our control.

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Published on August 14, 2020 11:22

August 13, 2020

England v Pakistan: second Test, day one – as it happened

James Anderson took two wickets as Pakistan struggled to 126-5 in helpful bowling conditions before rain and bad light forced an early close

9.06pm BST

Sam Curran has his say ...

8.20pm BST

Not a great return for Fawad Alam ...

8.19pm BST

Vic Marks reports on the day’s play.

6.34pm BST

That’s all, pedants: play has been abandoned for the day. It’s been a good one for England and particularly Jimmy Anderson, who took Test wickets 591 and 592 to help reduce Pakistan to a precarious 126 for five. See you in the morning for more coruscating punctuation chit-chat. Bye!

6.24pm BST

We’ve had 45.4 overs today, so half a day plus four balls. The forecast is mixed for the next few days, with thunderstorms possible. The bad news is the cricket could be ruined; the good news is we’ll have hours to talk about acronyms, apostrophes and economy-rates.

6.22pm BST

Say haven’t you noticed?/I ate the Potus

“I’m an Anglo-American dual-national living in the USA,” says David Keech, “so I thought I’d add a little light on the discussion. In America it’s always a word – P-O-T-U-S standing for President of the United States. We also have SOTUS (Supreme Court of the United States) and many others in this acronym crazy country.

6.18pm BST

“Hola from New York!” says Jonathan Lowndes. “Having a lunchtime michelada in front of the obo. Quick question: how do you pronounce the first syllable of Grauniad? Does it rhyme with F1 legend Ross Brawn, or producer of National Lampoon’s Vacation and Who’s the Boss Ross Brown?”

This is so meta that my head is spinning. Given the nature of the question, I don’t know whether I’m supposed to give you the correct or incorrect answer. Also: I don’t know the answer.

6.15pm BST

Warne v Murali (aka Thank Goodness I’m Not On Twitter)

“I think there’s a certain amount of debate regarding whether ‘most people’ (outside Australia at least) rate Warne above Murali,” says Keiran Betteley. “I think it swings on the bowlers they bowled with, Warne had to deal with the fact that McGrath et al were going to be taking wickets at the other end, so perhaps he could have gotten more. On the flip side, if you had Murali bowling at you, you knew that if you could just keep him out, you could make hay with the rest of Sri Lanka’s bowlers (I may be doing a disservice to Vaas and Herath here). Perhaps that helps Murali’s average, though their economies aren’t vastly different.

6.11pm BST

“Hello Rob,” says Peter Ashbourne. “On the subject of abbreviations, the ever-perceptive Douglas Adams queried why we say ‘www’, given it has three times as many syllables as ‘world wide web’.”

I now have visions of my grandad scratching his head, trying to work out why ‘worldwideweb.tesco.com’ won’t load.

6.07pm BST

Waca-mole Philip Cornwall, our chief sub-editor, has written it to settle this once and for all: “Nato has nuclear weapons and we don’t give it capitals.”

Talking of weapons, what’s our style for Potus/POTUS? I don’t think it’s ever fallen out of my mouth but assume it’s prounced as a word.

5.58pm BST

The light is still unplayable, and play will probably be abandoned in the next few minutes.

5.53pm BST

“Sorry to call back to Tim’s section of the report, but I’m only just catching up with the day now,” writes Paul Birrell. “My youngest son Finn was born on 31/7/14. A full 364 days later, Steve Finn was skittling the Aussies at Edgbaston, taking 5-45 in the day. So on (our) Finn’s 1st birthday, the Graun ran a ‘The Mighty Finn’ headline. Cut out, kept. If Steve’s reading, there’s a pint at the bar for him for that one.”

5.52pm BST

“WACA vs Waca - which is technically correct?” says David Keech. “Is WACA an acronym for something? (West Australia Cricket Association? Pure guess on my part). If so it should be WACA. If it’s just a bona fide name with no other meaning, then surely it should be Waca following normal proper noun rules. Am I right? Opinions please.”

It’s an acronym, but in the Guardian style guide it’s Waca because we say ‘Wacker’ rather than ‘Double you, eh, see, eh’. See also Fifa, Unicef, Nasa.

5.50pm BST

“About Tufnell having amazing economy, it is worth mentioning that he bowled a lot of overs over the wicket, outside leg stump, which back then batsmen were happy to kick away for hours on end,” says Mike Morris. “Whether this was due to Atherton’s captaincy, or Tufnell going into his shell when he got a bit of treatment, is a moot point, although England didn’t seem to build up his confidence. Because he’s become a TV personality, people forget a: what a good bowler he could be and b: how much England messed him around. A lot of pretty average spinners were picked ahead of him for no real reason.”

I always felt that was slightly overplayed – I can’t remember him bowling outside leg stump that often, and if he did (eg Brisbane 1994) it was usually when the opposition were chasing a declaration and therefore on the attack. I agree that we forget how good he was, though – at the start of his career he took five-fors in three consecutive Test wins, which is almost unprecedented for an England spinner. A year later he was being left out in India for someone who wasn’t even in the original tour party. Stuff like that takes out a lease in the subconscious.

5.43pm BST

“I hope you call it the WACA on the OBO,” says Digvijay Yadav. “Always bugged me to read the match reports and see it spelled Waca because the Guardian style guide didn’t allow it.”

A rebellion on that scale is more than my life’s worth, never mind my job. Actually, I’ve found a few WACAs in the early years of the OBO, including one in 2009-10. But they got to us before the 2010-11 Ashes.

5.39pm BST

“Just as we note that leftie Sam Curran is usually on the winning side, so it might be worth factoring the same thing into Abdul Qadir’s record,” says John Starbuck. “Good wrist-spinners are rare, even on the sub-continent, compared to other types of bowler; much of their value lies in upsetting batsmen unfamiliar with the method. Other bowlers can profit from this, so a count of, not so much the leggie wickets, but wickets for their side overall. There must be a plus-minus balance worth looking at.”

Yes, agreed. It’s one of the many reasons why most people rate Shane Warne (708 wickets at 25.41) above Muttiah Muralitharan (800 at 22.72).

5.37pm BST

There won’t be any more play. This isn’t official - but trust me, I’ve seen the near future, and it’s Eggheads.

5.36pm BST

Don’t Stop Believin’’’’’

“Brave man,” says Steve Tayler. “You are going to be inundated with a distinct opinion in each mail! Here’s mine - three apostrophes.

titles

Do not italicise or put in quotes titles of books, films, TV programmes, paintings, songs, albums or anything else.

5.31pm BST

There’s no immediate prospect of play. The rain has stopped but it is extremely gloomy.

5.27pm BST

“Dear old thing, you can’t talk about Abdul Qadir without contextualising,” says Robert Wilson. “It’s about the pitches on which he played. The least leggie-friendly ever. It was the era of seam or nuttin’. Even swing bowling seemed a little 1940s. We had forgotten that leggies existed. Qadir was like some Jeeves and Wooster character popping up in the middle of The Great Rock ‘n Roll Swindle. Every last atom of ground prep was to maximise seamer advantage. He bowled on something worse than roads and got a lot of tap because of it. But when he sang, he soared. You know it’s true.”

I’ll see your purple prose and raise you a hardcore stat. He took over 70 per cent of his wickets in Pakistan, which suggests not all pitches were unfriendly. I agree that he single-lippedly gave mystery spin the kiss of life for almost the entirety of the 1980s. He got 216 Test wickets in the decade; no other wristspinner managed 50.

5.20pm BST

“Hi Rob,” says Steve Pye. “Just to let people know - the Test highlights are on BBC Four tonight at 7.”

5.19pm BST

“Re. the debate about Archer,” begins David Murray. “Has he really been ‘treated with a thundering lack of empathy’? Is there any evidence he was being overbowled against his will or better judgement? There seems to be an implication that not only the tabloid press but Root or other management are also a bit racist. Again, I don’t deny the possibility but if that is the charge then it’s a strong one and I’m not really sure what the evidence is. Are there inside sources we don’t know about, or I haven’t heard?”

I don’t think the general attitude is born of racism, more a suspicion of outsiders that has been evident throughout my cricket-watching lifetime. I should made it clearer – the empathy comment referred more to the general tone of suspicion in the media (traditional and social), and the ludicrous overreaction to his good and bad days.

5.05pm BST

“Re: Abdul Qadir’s high average,” says Avitaj Mitra. “It’s pretty common for leg/wristspinners to have higher averages (above thirty) because they tend to bowl a lot more loose balls (because they rely on their wrist for spin, sacrificing control) compared to offspinners who have better control because they rely on spin generated from fingers. Hence why Shane Warne was so freakishly good, with his ability to bowl long spells without bad deliveries.”

Yes, that sums it perfectly. But I find it still jars slightly, even though I know it shouldn’t. Kumble is an interesting one - a completely different type of legspinner, but his economy rate of 2.69 was terrific.

5.01pm BST

“Tuffers may have been (and still is IMHO) many things,” says Charles Sheldrick. “But no one, not even the man himself should ever get away with calling him ordinary…”

I think the story was in Mike Atherton’s autobiography, though I might have added the ‘fakkin’.

Phil Tufnell was constantly in a flap. For a start, Warne spun the ball twice as far as Tufnell, who often looked innocuous in comparison. ‘That bloke’s making me look crap! He’s ruing my career!’ Tufnell constantly complained.

4.58pm BST

“Does anyone know why the BBC have put the highlights back to 11:30 in the evening?” asks Martin Shepherd. “Surely after all the fanfare about the BBC getting cricket back on terrestrial TV after all this time, they haven’t given up on the 7:00 slot already!!!”

I didn’t know that had happened, but it certainly merits three exclamation marks. It might be temporary measure because of the snooker.

4.58pm BST

45.4 overs: Pakistan 126-5 (Babar Azam 25, Mohammad Rizwan 4) A storm is coming, Frank said. In fact, it’s already here. After four balls of Woakes’ over, the last of which swerves past Rizwan’s outside edge, rain stops play once again.

4.55pm BST

45th over: Pakistan 124-5 (Babar Azam 24, Mohammad Rizwan 3) If they’re not careful, Pakistan will lose the series in this session. It’s been a story of good

batting
bowling rather than negligent batting, so we shouldn’t be too harsh. Mohammad Rizwan gets off the mark with a really pretty on-drive for three, and then Babar is beaten by a trampolining lifter from Broad.

“Hi Rob,” says Pete Salmon. “An afternoon of cricket and discussions of quotation marks – basically my dream, what with being a copy-editor and all. Recently came across the wonderful Richard Ayoade correctly using three apostrophes in a row, viz - doubt, disorientation and infinite rage are not within ‘Don’t Stop Believin’’’s mandate. Of course as you are quoting me quoting him while following the OBO style guide, it is even better: ‘doubt, disorientation and infinite rage are not within “Don’t Stop Believin’’”s mandate.’ I also like cricket.”

4.50pm BST

44th over: Pakistan 120-5 (Babar Azam 23, Mohammad Rizwan 0)

4.49pm BST

He’s gone! The ball just pitched in line and would have hit the top of middle stump. It was a cracking delivery from Woakes, which snarled back off the seam as Fawad fell over towards the off side. Poor bloke. He’s waited 11 years for this, and it lasted four balls. I haven’t known such an anticlimax since [that’ll do - Ed].

4.47pm BST

43.5 overs: Pakistan 120-4 (Babar Azam 23, Fawad Alam 0) Chris Woakes replaces Sam Curran. Pakistan are one wicket away from a predicament, though you wouldn’t know iut from the seremity of Babar’s batting. He works Woakes confidently for three before the left-handed Fawad survives a big shout for LBW. England are gong to review. I reckon it pitched outside leg.

4.44pm BST

43rd over: Pakistan 117-4 (Babar Azam 20, Fawad Alam 0) Fawad Alam, whose last Test appearance in 2009, is the new batsman. He has spent the last 11 years sculpting a mighty first-class average of 56.78. He has a bizarre stance - he starts square-on, not unlike Shivarine Chanderpaul, and then walks into a side-on position when the bowler is in his delivery stride.

4.40pm BST

Goddim. Shafiq pushes at a good delivery from Broad and edges low to third slip, where Sibley gets down smartly to take the catch. Shafiq is a high-class batsman with only one weakness: he doesn’t score enough runs.

4.36pm BST

42nd over: Pakistan 113-3 (Babar Azam 20, Asad Shafiq 1) An errant delivery from Curran deflects away for three leg byes. Meanwhile, cricket was fun these last 143 years.

“Yasir Shah is a touch over five and a half wickets per Test,” says Romeo. “I may have mentioned this to you before. I have to everyone else.”

4.33pm BST

41st over: Pakistan 106-3 (Babar Azam 17, Asad Shafiq 0) Broad replaces Anderson, who stays in the game by making an excellent stop at mid-on. England are bowling superbly just now, and Broad beats Babar all ends up with a vicious legcutter. Even Bradman would have struggled to nick that.

4.28pm BST

40th over: Pakistan 104-3 (Babar Azam 15, Asad Shafiq 0) Curran is bowling an excellent line to the new batsman Shafiq, on or around fourth stump for the most part. Another maiden.

“Sometimes,” says Emma John, “I doubt your commitment to Sparkle Motion.”

4.23pm BST

39th over: Pakistan 104-3 (Babar Azam 15, Asad Shafiq 0) Babar is beaten thrice during an excellent over from Anderson that also includes an edge along the ground for a couple. Anderson was fortunate to play in this game but he has been close to his best.

4.19pm BST

38th over: Pakistan 102-3 (Babar Azam 13, Asad Shafiq 0) Asad Shafiq is beaten by his first ball. Curran has good figures of 8-1-19-1.

4.18pm BST

I don’t know whether he’s a golden arm on legs, a Chaminda Vaas tribute in the making or what, but Sam Curran always seems to make things happen. He has picked up Abid Ali for 60 with a nice piece of bowling. Curran followed a series of full, straight deliveries with a back-of-a-length ball angled across Adif Ali, who fenced it to second slip. Really good bowling, that. “He’s outfoxed him,” says Wasim Akram on commentary.

4.16pm BST

Let’s all keep writing Sam Curran off, shall we.

4.14pm BST

37th over: Pakistan 96-2 (Abid Ali 54, Babar Azam 13) Babar Azam plays a beautiful stroke, jumping back in his crease to caress Anderson through midwicket for four.

“Following up Karl’s point,” says Philip Rebbeck, “if you are comparing Tufnell to Warne the more salient point would be wickets per test. Warne took nearly 5 wickets per Test throughout his career, which is extraordinary, the Cat fewer than 3.”

4.10pm BST

36th over: Pakistan 89-2 (Abid Ali 51, Babar Azam 9) There’s a soupcon of swing for Curran, no more than that, and Babar Azam deals with him comfortably. As admirable (and matchwinning) a cricketer as Curran is, I can’t help thinking England should have picked Ollie Robinson or Mark Wood. I told you, I can’t help it!

4.08pm BST

35th over: Pakistan 87-2 (Abid Ali 51, Babar Azam 7) Abid Ali edges Anderson short of slip and through for a couple of runs. That takes him to a fiercely determined fifty, the first of his Test career (he has two hundreds and an average of 81, which takes the sting out of that potential statgasm). He is beaten off the last ball of the over, fencing needlessly at a back-of-a-length delivery outside off.

“I’ve just noticed Tim’s reference to Doug Bollinger and his hilarious hot hair piece, and other cricketers who have spotted rugs,” says Steve Hudson. “Does anyone else remember Didier Camberabero, the French fly half, who turned up to the 1991 rugby world cup with a very obvious wig? Amazingly, no-one managed to pull it off, which is incredible.”

4.01pm BST

34th over: Pakistan 85-2 (Abid Ali 49, Babar Azam 7) Curran has one delivery remaining in his sixth over. It’s a wide yorker that is defended by Abid Ali.

4.00pm BST

Tea was taken at 3.40pm, as scheduled, which means we’ll have a bumper evening session: about four or five days. (Okay, a maximum of three hours.)

3.49pm BST

“Dear Rob,” says Karl White. “I read this last night and haven’t been blown away by a cricket fact as much in years. As a 1990s Test fan, I felt obliged to share with you: ‘His [Phil Tufnell’s] Test economy rate, though, was a fantastic 2.42 — which made him the third-best in the 1990s with anyone over a hundred Test wickets — behind just Curtly Ambrose and Shaun Pollock, and ahead of the likes of Shane Warne, Glenn McGrath, and Anil Kumble.’”

I make the statistics slightly different (career economy rate 2.42, 2.37 in the 1990s) but it’s still an excellent spot. It doesn’t surprise me he had a decent economy rate, though I’m surprised it was that good. The spectacular start to his career helped, with matchwinning performances like the one in Christchurch in 1991-92: 46.1-25-47-7 puts a lot of credit in the economy-rate bank. It also helped that he only played two Tests in the 2000s, when scoring rates went through the roof. Shane Warne, for example, had an economy rate of 2.39 in the 1990s and 2.95 in 2000s. And poor old Tuffers was marmalised by Australia in his last appearance.

3.44pm BST

“It’s the first time in three days it’s been cool enough to leave my flat so I’m going out for a walk and DARING this thunderstorm to intervene and stop me. (I was quite, quite cross when I discovered the rain that swept across the rest of the country skirted London yesterday.) Please could you organise for there to be some cricket for me to listen to as I walk?”

Who do you think I am, Donnie Darko?

3.38pm BST

There will be another inspection at 3.45pm BST, 3.45am SST (on Friday).

3.36pm BST

“Afternoon, Rob,” says Digvijay Yadav. “Where do you stand on this Archer business? I think he’s done alright in his first year in Test cricket but England (or the fans) think if he’s going to bowl mid 80s and swing it around there are about five other blokes who can do the same, to say nothing of the fact that unless he channels his inner Frank Tyson, England won’t be able to regain those Ashes.”

I think we’re a weird little country that can’t cope with being gifted a once-in-a-generation talent. Archer’s been an England player for 15 months. In that time he’s starred in a World Cup win, taken three Test five-fors, been involved in the most exhilarating head-to-head battle in an England match since Donald v Atherton, been involved in another with Matthew Wade, hooped the ball round corners like Sir Alec Bedser to skittle Australia, been overbowled and underbowled, been racially abused by people who will never know better and treated with a thundering lack of empathy by those who should. I’ve no idea how we got to this position, but it’s wearingly familiar and I’m pretty worried. If I was in charge I would send him off to the white-ball bubble; a fortnight or so with Eoin Morgan would do him the world of good.

3.27pm BST

“’noon, Rob,” says Ian Copestake. “So where do you ‘stand’ on the MBM contributor style guide regarding to ‘double-quote’ or not? Be warned though, hombre: “Don’t push too far your dreams are china in your hand/Don’t wish too hard, because they may come true.”

Tim’s right. This is not infrequently the case, as he’s the finest editor I’ve ever met. In this case, we use double quotes for the email, so any quotes within that email should be single marks. Liveblogs are so frantic that consistent house style often takes a hit (diacritical marks, for eg), but it’s nice to do things properly when we can. There’s nothing worse than waking up at tree o’clock, in a cold sweat, and dashing upstairs to check whether you had the correct quotation marks on the latest Mac Millings XI.

3.21pm BST

“A large thunderstorm has also curtailed my planned lunchtime gardening activities here,” says Kim Thonger, “so I’ve wasted the early afternoon compiling teams for a potential Disney v Pixar Test Match. Surprising how many characters have names that sound splendid in a scorecard situation. For example: Abraham DeLacey c Peter ‘Claws’ Ward b Finn McMissile 83.

Disney XI

3.18pm BST

The umpires are chatting to the groundstaff. There are two problems: a) a wet outfield and b)

the innate futility of the human existence
some malevolent clouds in the distance.

3.15pm BST

The barest of margins I must say thanks to the kind folk at Allen & Unwin who sent me a copy of Morgan’s Men by Nick Hoult and Steve James. Apparently England won the World Cup last year, which sounds like a great yarn, and this is the inside story of how it happened. I’m three chapters in and it’s terrific stuff.

3.04pm BST

“Hi Rob,” says Graham. “Firstly, a shout out to Krakow Cricket Club in Poland is always welcome. We’re still going strong although this year our only visitors came from the Warsaw Hussars (the only Polish only cricket team!). Secondly, elephant in the room for this Test is surely the weather forecast. Can we get a result in the 6-7 sessions of play we’re likely to manage in Southampton in the next four days?”

If we only get six or seven sessions it’ll be a draw. But the forecast I’m looking at isn’t that bad. (I’m not saying my forecast is better than your forecast, btw. Though it is from the Met Office, now you mention it.)

2.53pm BST

Thanks Tim, afternoon everyone. It’s stopped raining in Southampton and there will be an inspection at 3.15pm.

2.36pm BST

After my little plea about quote marks, Adrian Goldman responded by saying he would be “citing” me, complete with chevrons. “Now’s my chance,” he adds, gleefully. “Yes, someone: «In his last few Tests, he’s been thrifty, accurate but not penetrating, and after that bright start this performance seems to be heading the same way.»” As the players say, gotta hold my hand up.

And that’s it from me, with Rob Smyth all set to take over. Thanks for your thoughts on everything from selection to hair loss – see you tomorrow.

2.28pm BST

The Hampshire groundstaff sprang into action, but even so Ian Ward on Sky reckons we’re in for a 45-minute delay, which is frustrating for fans of Jimmy Anderson, Babar Azam and good contests.

“Hair,” says a crisp subject line from Bob O’Hara. “Harkarn Sumal [31st over] forgot, or was not aware of, Doug Bollinger’s hair issues, which gained some brief notoriety a few years ago.” We just need that keeper.

2.23pm BST

Mid-34th over: Pakistan 85-2 (Abid Ali 49, Babar Azam 7) Sam Curran comes back, bowls a few dots and then has to trot off, along with everyone else, as that lowering cloud empties itself. It’s now raining so hard that the screen has gone white.

“Without wishing to do down Jofra,” says Ian Batch, “it strikes me that the first thing England need to know is if he really wants to bowl fast in Test matches. Take a look at S Gabriel earlier this summer, still steaming in whilst every muscle in his body was rebelling. So far in a short and [mainly] successful Test stint, Jofra has been a ‘daisy’ – some days he does, some days he doesn’t bowl fast – not all of that can be down to rhythm and conditions. Maybe it’s unsurprising when you consider his meteoric rise through the short forms to the Test team. Once Jofra really commits himself to wanting to be an express pace bowler then England should support him fully, mentally, physically and tactically to try and ensure this once in a generation talent is not wasted, we’re not going to win in Australia without him!”

2.17pm BST

33rd over: Pakistan 85-2 (Abid Ali 49, Babar Azam 7) Another three to Babar as he clips Anderson gently through midwicket.

2.16pm BST

32nd over: Pakistan 82-2 (Abid Ali 49, Babar Azam 4) Babar isn’t going to hang around. He plays and misses at Broad, then repeats the stroke and picks up three to the cover fence, where Woakes pulls off a Mr Immaculate stop.

“Morning Timmers!” said Hamish Kuzminski, a while ago. “Segueing from the last Test’s OBO conversations about cricket in Germany, I thought I’d send you a link to our local team’s website here in Friedrichsdorf, just North of Frankfurt. Jolly competent they are. Good looking bunch as well. It’s only available in Germish, but I think readers will get the gist all the same.

2.10pm BST

31st over: Pakistan 79-2 (Abid Ali 49, Babar Azam 1) So that’s the end of a fine partnership of 72, a classic ship-steadier. Pakistan could so easily be five down here. Those grey skies are getting even darker, alas.

And here’s an urgent question from Harkarn Sumal. “How far are we from being able to put together a solid Advanced Hair Studios XI?” he wonders. “Over the years we’ve had openers Gooch and Vaughan, bowlers Gough and Warne, and ooh, wait, what’s this? [Scroll down, past Warne and Gough.] Gautam Gambhir, Martin Crowe (gawd rest his soul), Sourav Ganguly, Greg Matthews all available for selection. We’re up to a strong IX here, to contest the AHSes (ahem). And Ben Stokes has had a suspiciously lustrous rebound up top in the last year or two, so he could be on the fringes of selection too. We just need one more (ideally a wicketkeeper).”

2.08pm BST

At last! An England slipper holds on to a catch, low to his right, and Azhar’s vigil is over. The ball was nice and full and fatally tempting. Did some idiot just start writing Anderson off again?

2.01pm BST

30th over: Pakistan 78-1 (Abid Ali 49, Azhar Ali 20) England still haven’t got a gully or a third man to mop up Abid’s guides and nicks, and he cashes in again with a stroke that is somewhere between the two. Then, for a change, he picks up two with a shovel off the hip.

2.00pm BST

29th over: Pakistan 72-1 (Abid Ali 42, Azhar Ali 20) Just a single to Azhar off Anderson, who now has figures of 10-3-20-1. In his last few Tests, he’s been thrifty, accurate but not penetrating, and after a bright start this performance seems to be heading the same way.

1.54pm BST

28th over: Pakistan 71-1 (Abid Ali 42, Azhar Ali 19) Broad is on the spot, but Azhar knows exactly where his off bail is and pulls off an inch-perfect leave. The cameras find the next man in sitting on the Pakistan balcony: Babar Azam, who, if he gets going, will give England even more trouble than these two.

1.52pm BST

27th over: Pakistan 71-1 (Abid Ali 42, Azhar Ali 19) Another guide from Abid, off Anderson – more of a nick this time, but angled down, with soft hands, and the result is the same, four. Joe Root may be beginning to regret leaving out both his truly fast bowlers.

One or two readers were confused by the Bowtell list - sorry. I took him to mean that this was each bowler’s record in his first ten Tests.

1.45pm BST

26th over: Pakistan 67-1 (Abid Ali 38, Azhar Ali 19) Broad beats Abid with a lifter that held its line; Abid retorts with an unruffled guide for four. And Nasser Hussain establishes that that appeal from Root was backed up by a little wiggle on Ultra Edge. Should he have had the courage of his convictions?

1.42pm BST

25th over: Pakistan 62-1 (Abid Ali 33, Azhar Ali 19) Anderson beats Azhar’s outside edge and Root goes up, but it’s a lonely appeal and he doesn’t feel strongly enough to review.

Tom Booth has been looking at Tom Bowtell’s stats for novice bowlers (13:02). “Broad’s figures for his first couple of years were indeed fairly poor with the ball (albeit compensated by good work with the bat). This was partly because he was under team orders to act as an ‘enforcer’, bowling too fast and too short to retain proper control. Not long after taking over, Flower publicly rescinded this and instead returned Broad to the line-and-length bowler he was always meant to be, with excellent results.” Good point. And this is your periodic reminder that it’s a big help to us if you can use single quotes, as everything you say may be taken down in evidence and put in double quotes.

1.38pm BST

24th over: Pakistan 62-1 (Abid Ali 33, Azhar Ali 19) Broad finishes his over under thick grey cloud and bright white lights. Broad is very full outside off, Abid Ali is leaving well alone and Jos Buttler is just about coping with a late wobble as the last ball dies on him.

1.34pm BST

Tom van der Gucht has been thinking about Steve Finn. “I’ve never fully fathomed what happened to him. Was it a lack of form and injury, or something psychological that has tragically left long-standing scars? In The Edge, he was very candid about a period when his mental health deteriorated which I assumed was during the Ashes tour when Giles described him as ‘unselectable’. At the time, I had taken that to mean he had issues with his action, but now wondered whether it was the latest ECB euphemism for mental health issues - such as Trescothick having a virus - which I suspect are used in order to protect the privacy of the players rather than out of fears of any stigma involved with the term. But, either way, it’s sad to see and I still regularly check the Middlesex scorecards in the hope that he’s playing and has taken a bucketload of wickets.”

1.31pm BST

It looks as if they’re going to resume at 1.35.

1.02pm BST

“Hope you are melting nicely,” says Tom Bowtell. Ha. “With a low-level snarkiness/vague disappointment creeping in about Archer in certain quarters, I thought I’d check his stats against his peers and the most recent England quicks to get 100+ Test wickets. Turns out he’s doing pretty well. As Broad and Flintoff (66.42!) show, it takes time to nail fast bowling in Tests. It also makes me yearn for what might have been if Finn hadn’t got injured or messed around.”

Finn: 45 @ 25.24

12.55pm BST

Yes, that is luncheon. And the morning belongs to Pakistan, who batted first and walked the walk by watching the swinging ball, riding their luck, and taking umpteen singles into the leg side as England bowled a touch too straight. Jimmy Anderson made his point by grabbing an early wicket, and the new old firm of Broad and Woakes would have had one each if the opening batsmen in the slips had done their job. For now, the Alis have it. See you shortly.

12.50pm BST

Mid-24th over: Pakistan 62-1 (Abid Ali 33, Azhar Ali 19) Broad is back to replace Woakes. He finds the edge of Abid Ali’s bat – with a nip-backer, oddly – but the ball drops short of slips. The nicks this morning have either gone very low or fairly high. And then the umps do wave the players off.

12.47pm BST

23rd over: Pakistan 62-1 (Abid Ali 33, Azhar Ali 19) Anderson puts the plug back in by returning to the eternal verities and aiming at Azhar’s off stump. When he goes wider, Azhar can’t find that cut again, hanging out a limp 45-degree bat that deserves to get a nick. Overall, though, he’s backed up his decision to bat with some sturdy defence. And he may get an early lunch as it’s now raining.

12.43pm BST

22nd over: Pakistan 62-1 (Abid Ali 33, Azhar Ali 19) Six off Woakes’s over as the batsmen continue to work the angles. By the time he gets to the sixth ball, Woakes is banging it in outside Abid’s off stump. He hasn’t been at his immaculate best, though that dropped catch would make anyone tear their Alice band out.

“Regarding Abid Ali’s recent problems,” says Pete Salmon, “it’s been a long time since I bought a cricket box, but a quick google seems to suggest that even the best are the same £3 plastic ones as 20 years ago. Given the advances in not only cricket technology but every single bit of technology in the world, this seems odd given what is at stake. Do test cricketers have some sort of wurtzite boron nitrade thingy down there, or is it all plastic at even the highest levels?” That is a great question. I’m hoping one of our readers is better placed than me to answer it.

12.37pm BST

21st over: Pakistan 56-1 (Abid Ali 30, Azhar Ali 17) Root sends for Jimmy Anderson, who ought to fancy this even more now that the lights are on. Rather uncharacteristically, he dishes up the first rank long hop of the morning. Azhar cuts it for four and that’s the fifty partnership off 110 balls. Well played those Alis: proper Test creekit.

12.34pm BST

20th over: Pakistan 52-1 (Abid Ali 30, Azhar Ali 13) Azhar brings up the fifty with yet another nudge to leg. Woakes has been a touch too straight, but he realises it and finishes the over by beating Azhar with a classic outswinger.

Dave Epsley is picking up the thread on hair replacement (7th over). “That Gough-Warne anti-slaphead advert is amazing,” he says. “Cheers me right up every time it comes on. As well as the wooden dialogue, it’s obvious (to me anyway) that they were filmed separately, perhaps even on opposite sides of the world. They’ve clearly been given a spot to look at for eyeline purposes, but it’s not *quite* right. Hilarious!”

12.28pm BST

19th over: Pakistan 49-1 (Abid Ali 28, Azhar Ali 12) Abid confirms his recovery with a crisp on-drive for three off Curran. Root reacts by shifting Dom Sibley out of the slips and sticking him at short midwicket, where he may be able to pull off another run-out. That direct hit at Old Trafford was the most stylish moment in his Test career. Not saying a great deal, but still, it was beautifully done.

12.24pm BST

18th over: Pakistan 45-1 (Abid Ali 25, Azhar Ali 11) Woakes beats Abid’s inside edge and raps him on the box. Ouch. The poor guy is on his knees, then being attended to by the physio, but he rallies to resume his stout defence and there’s yet another single as England, not for the first time, stray onto leg stump.

12.17pm BST

17th over: Pakistan 44-1 (Abid Ali 24, Azhar Ali 11) Curran is probing away with his full length, but when he finds the edge of Azhar’s bat, it bounces before it reaches Joe Root – currently England’s only reliable slip catcher.

“With all that white sun block,” says Brian Withington, “Rory Burns looks like a bit of a Marcel Marceau tribute act. Catches like one, too. Looking forward to his man-in-a-strong-wind impersonation later.”

12.13pm BST

16th over: Pakistan 43-1 (Abid Ali 23, Azhar Ali 11) Woakes bowls a maiden, and suddenly all is right with the world.

12.10pm BST

15th over: Pakistan 43-1 (Abid Ali 23, Azhar Ali 11) Curran still fancies the yorker, but Azhar is alert to it and able to steal a single into the on side.

Tim Sanders has been studying Anderson. “Jimmy always used to seem so taken with the angle across the left-hander to the waiting slip cordon, that he never seemed to bother with getting them LBW with the inswinger. Whereas if you think of the mirror image, left-arm-over swing bowler to right-hander, LBW is the classic mode of dismissal. I think in the past couple of years, Jimmy has been more willing to home in on the stumps. Also, I’m treasuring the image of steam coming into his ears, thank you. You won’t see that on the telly.” Ha, thanks. The commentators do seem strangely resistant to quoting our quips.

12.05pm BST

14th over: Pakistan 41-1 (Abid Ali 22, Azhar Ali 10) Abid had just played another glance for four, so Woakes’s figures are 2-0-12-0. You might assume that Mr Immaculate was having a mare, but then bowling figures don’t show dropped catches. And that’s drinks, with Pakistan probably the happier team. England have bowled well and fielded atrociously, while the two Alis have ridden their luck and been very purposeful.

12.02pm BST

Another one bites the turf. This time it’s Burns at second slip. Like the one Sibley shelled, it’s shoulder-high and to his left. He seems to do everything right, but out it pops and Jos Buttler can’t quite snaffle the rebound.

12.00pm BST

13th over: Pakistan 36-1 (Abid Ali 17, Azhar Ali 10) Curran drops a bit short, allowing Azhar to flick for two, then fires in a fine yorker which is like Wasim Akram in slow motion. As Curran is a gentle 80mph, Azhar jabs the bottom of the bat down in time.

11.55am BST

12th over: Pakistan 34-1 (Abid Ali 17, Azhar Ali 8) It’s a double change as Root sends for Chris Woakes, the king of the chasers. Straightaway, his outswinger is curving like his Alice band, but there are runs to be had as Abid pushes into the covers for two and leg-glances for four.

11.49am BST

11th over: Pakistan 27-1 (Abid Ali 11, Azhar Ali 7) And here is Curran, replacing Anderson: the king of the swingers giving way to the prince. He’s on the spot but again the batsmen are busy, nudging for a single apiece. Curran’s hair is so long at the front and short at the back that he may soon be asked for Brandon Williams’s autograph.

George the Cornish mason’s plea for the TMS link is kindly answered by Andrew Harrison. “Easy to find via BBC website,” he says, “impossible if you search YouTube.”

11.45am BST

10th over: Pakistan 25-1 (Abid Ali 10, Azhar Ali 6) Broad may not be feeling great but there’s no way he’s going to hand this glossy new ball to Woakes or Curran. He keeps on bending it past the outside edge, then brings one back in to rap Abid on the thigh pad. A single to each batsman, and Broad has 5-2-7-0 while Anderson has 5-1-10-1. Classic stuff.

11.40am BST

9th over: Pakistan 23-1 (Abid Ali 9, Azhar Ali 5) A single to Azhar, getting wristy with his leg glance. Pakistan have done pretty well to lose only one wicket here. Broad seems to be signalling for an inhaler, but Mark Wood, unlucky to be 12th man again, trots out with three water bottles.

11.35am BST

8th over: Pakistan 22-1 (Abid Ali 9, Azhar Ali 4) The air is so steamy that even Broad is now a swing bowler like his old mate. His inswinger eludes both Abid and Jos Buttler, who concedes four byes; there was a sound but it was bat on pad. Then the outswinger beats the outside edge.

11.33am BST

7th over: Pakistan 18-1 (Abid Ali 9, Azhar Ali 4) Abid’s turn to push for two, off Anderson, before he squirts a single off an inside edge. Sky go straight from Shane Warne commentating to Shane Warne advertising hair replacement, joining Darren Gough in possibly the most wooden bit of dialogue ever written. This is so subversive, it’s superb.

Talking of commentary... “Yawn of a request,” says George Murphy. “Can you beg your OBOians for the overseas TMS link? Hard to fathom why but standard web searches never reveal its hiding place. Then again I am an undeniable fool of a techno-loser. Please excuse the tedious request but simultaneous reading and chiselling is a skill I have yet to master. From a Cornish mason in sunny Stavanger.” A lot to unpack there.

11.28am BST

6th over: Pakistan 15-1 (Abid Ali 6, Azhar Ali 4) Broad beats Azhar with a leg-cutter, and with an outswinger, but when he brings one back, looking for that lbw, Azhar manages a tuck for two. And then a straight push for another two. If the Pakistanis’ techniques are struggling with the moving ball, their temperaments are in good order.

11.23am BST

5th over: Pakistan 11-1 (Abid Ali 6, Azhar Ali 0) A boundary! Anderson keeps pitching it up, as you would, and Abid is calm enough to spot a half-volley and ease it through the covers.

11.20am BST

4th over: Pakistan 7-1 (Abid Ali 2, Azhar Ali 0) That dropped catch yielded a single, the only run Broad has conceded so far. He’s bowling every ball as if still making a point about his omission here last month.

11.18am BST

It’s all happening. Abid gets a chunky nick and Dom Sibley, at third slip, can only parry a shoulder-high chance as Rory Burns, at second, goes for it too. The commentators point out that Stokes would normally be at second, with Burns at third, but even Stokes has been dropping a few lately.

11.15am BST

3rd over: Pakistan 6-1 (Abid Ali 1, Azhar Ali 0) So Anderson strikes early and Masood follows his majestic 156 with scores of 0 and 1. And in comes Azhar, the captain, who is in no sort of form. Another lbw cannot be ruled out.

11.11am BST

Oh Jimmy Jimmy! It’s full, it’s swinging back into the left-hander, it’s hitting middle and it’s not even worth a review. That is wicket no. 591 for England’s most prolific seamer. Who on earth said this man should be left out?

11.09am BST

2nd over: Pakistan 6-0 (Shan Masood 1, Abid Ali 1) You’ll never guess who’s sharing the new ball with Anderson. Yes, it’s Stuart Broad, who was infamously discarded for the last Test on this ground. He too beats Abid Ali, with bounce more than movement. Poor old Abid is making a strong bid for a role that now seems to be a staple of the English summer: the visiting opener who becomes a walking wicket.

11.05am BST

1st over: Pakistan 6-0 (Shan Masood 1, Abid Ali 1) Masood pushes the first ball for a single. Anderson immediately beats Abid Ali with a ball that goes like a leg-cutter. Abid picks up a single too, trying to leave one, and then there are four leg byes as Shan shapes to glance.

“So Fawad hasn’t played a Test since 2009,” says Peter Williams. “Does that mean his nickname should be Fast Fawad?”

11.01am BST

Joe Root has so much faith in Jimmy Anderson, he’s even giving him the new ball. If Chris Woakes wasn’t so genial, he might be seething.

10.58am BST

“Brave of Azhar,” says Felix Wood, “to win the toss given what has happened in the other four Tests this summer.” Good spot! Every loser wins. “Not sure about the Archer decision – it really does feel that Root hasn’t quite worked out how to best use him.” Very true. As my colleague Rob Smyth observed the other day, Jofra looks as if he could do with a dose of Eoin Morgan.

10.45am BST

“Fawad Alam plays his first Test for 11 years,” says Simon Wilde of The Sunday Times on Twitter. “He’s sat out the last 88 Tests, so should be fully rested.”

10.38am BST

Sure enough, Shadab Khan gives way to Fawad Alam, as Azhar feels that one leggie will do, and Zak Crawley stands in for Ben Stokes. It’s Sam Curran rather than Mark Wood who replaces Jofra Archer, so England are willing to sacrifice velocity for better batting – though Curran does bring a touch of Stokes’s ability to make things happen. “Feels like it could swing,” says Joe Root. It may need to, given England’s lack of pace.

10.32am BST

Azhar Ali does a Stokes and decides to bat first, even though the pitch has some grass on it. He and Joe Root remember to bump elbows, a social ritual that always seems to make people smile.

10.06am BST

Morning everyone and welcome to the second Test. When Chris Woakes and Jos Buttler pulled off their thrilling heist on Saturday, they secured something that has become almost unheard-of for international cricketers: a Sunday off. Now England’s players and their Pakistani guests may be about to enjoy a few more breathers. In the Met Office forecast for this match at Southampton, every one of the five days carries a yellow warning. The South of England is so humid that we may see the first recorded case of steam going into Jimmy Anderson’s ears.

There will be rain, and it looks like being torrential. But there should be sunny spells too. It feels like a day for bowling at the ground where Ben Stokes fluffed his lines by opting to bat in the first Test of the summer. England’s Test team, who have a 100-per-cent record at Old Trafford this year, have a 0-per-cent record at the Ageas Bowl. It would be good for the game if they could maintain that. Wherever your allegiance lies, 1-1 with one to play is a lot more fun than 2-0. This Pakistan side, with their spirit and spark, hardly deserved to leave Manchester empty-handed.

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Published on August 13, 2020 10:34

August 11, 2020

The Colourful XI tragedy – podcast

Stories from the beautiful game that you may never have heard before, written by some of the world’s leading sports journalists, and spanning more than 100 years of sporting history from across the footballing planet.

In the final episode of this series: 15 Dutch footballers were among 176 people who died in a 1989 plane crash. Edu Nandlal, one of the survivors, tells his story

Read the text version here.

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Published on August 11, 2020 21:00

August 10, 2020

Manchester United 1-0 FC Copenhagen: Europa League quarter-final – as it happened

Bruno Fernandes's extra-time penalty put United into the semi-finals, but they had to work extremely hard against an admirable FC Copenhagen

12.09am BST

Barney Ronay on Martial ...

12.08am BST

What Ole said ...

10.57pm BST

That’s all for today’s blog, I’ll leave you with Jamie Jackson’s match report. Goodnight.

10.40pm BST

FC Copenhagen go out of the Europa League with honour. Their Swedish keeper Karl-Johan Johnsson made a series of superheroic saves that verged on the comical, but even he couldn’t stop Bruno Fernandes’s vicious extra-time penalty. It was won by Anthony Martial, who came to life around the 80th minute and was thrillingly unplayable either side of full-time. Juan Mata was also excellent after coming on as substitute for extra time.

10.39pm BST

All the United players run to Bruno Fernandes - not because he scored the winner, but because he’s on the floor in agony. It might just be cramp; United will hope so.

10.38pm BST

Peep peep! Manchester United are into the Europa League semi-final, just about.

10.37pm BST

120 min One minute of added time. Scott McTominay comes on to replace the brilliant Anthony Martial.

10.35pm BST

119 min Copenhagen make a complete mess of the free-kick and Lingard is able to run 70 yards before being challenged by the last man Oviedo.

10.34pm BST

118 min United are sitting on their 1-0 lead, which is a dangerous tactic at the best of times. Copenhagen have had all of the ball in the last five minutes, and Boving wins a free-kick near the corner flag on the right. It was a needless foul by Matic.

10.31pm BST

115 min Copenhagen have a sustained spell of possession for the first time in ages, but eventually Bengtsson’s overhit cross drifts out of play.

10.29pm BST

112 min United bring on Jesse LIngard for Marcus Rashford, who looks pretty unhappy as he walks off the field. I think that’s because of his poor performance rather than any irritation at being substituted.

10.28pm BST

112 min The 17-year-old William Boving replaces the classy, mischievous Rasmus Falk.

10.27pm BST

111 min Replays show that Lindelof miscontrolled the ball onto his arm. I think they changed the law so it’s not handball if you accidentally clodhop the ball onto your own hand, though I couldn’t be sure. Either way it was just outside the area, so wouldn’t have been a penalty.

10.26pm BST

110 min Both teams look tired, Copenhagen in particular. They have worked so hard defensively. And even now, after talking all that punishment, they only need one chance.

10.24pm BST

108 min FC Copenhagen appeal for a penalty when Lindelof miscontrols the ball. We haven’t seen a replay but I assume it didn’t hit has hand because play has continued.

10.24pm BST

107 min “Interesting viewpoints re Martial,” says Phillip Wainwright. “Would you not consider his 1v1 chance immediately prior to the penalty a bad miss rather than a good save? Also his slaloming run in normal time (which was quality) was ended by him not having a left foot to shoot with and wanting the extra touch to bring it back onto his right, thus giving the excellent challenge the time to be made? I’m a huge fan of his, but think you might be being a tad kind regards his profligacy, there.”

Yeah I agree on the first one – he’s normally colder than that. It was still a good save I think, but Martial gave him a chance to make it. It’s more the way he has grabbed the game by the scruff of the neck, which is something he would never have done a year ago. And it’s not the first time since lockdown, either: Southampton is an obvious example and I’m sure there are others. It’s fascinating to watch somebody who used to be so listless turn into a bit of a monster. I think he’s been Solskjaer’s biggest triumph so far.

10.23pm BST

106 min Peep peep! I can’t keep up with this.

10.22pm BST

Peep peep!

10.20pm BST

105+3 min This is turning into one of the great goalkeeping performances. Fernandes’s corner bounces around the area until Mata hits a deflected shot that is saved the legs of Johnsson. He had already dived in the other direction but stretched out a leg to stop the shot. The ball rebounded to Lindelof, who should have scored but dragged the ball into the side netting. In fact it hit the outside of the post.

10.18pm BST

105+3 min Fernandes’s stinging shot from 20 yards is beaten away by the flying Johnsson. He’s had an incredible game. There’s a VAR check for a penalty just before that after a challenge on Pogba. VAR says no dice.

10.17pm BST

105 min Two more changes for FC Copenhagen: Bartolec and Mudrazija replace Stage and Varela. And two minutes of added time.

10.16pm BST

105 min Now Martial is treating Stage, who has cramp. What has happened to the apathetic Anthony Martial we used to know and get exasperated at?

10.15pm BST

104 min United almost get a second on the counter. Rashford and Fernandes combine to find Mata, who seems to run past the ball and is then taken out in the area. They’re checking for a penalty but I don’t think it was - he’d left the ball behind.

10.14pm BST

104 min Martial calmly picks out Mata, who lifts a shot over the bar from 12 yards. He was being challenged but still might have done better.

10.13pm BST

101 min Martial has changed this game. Late in normal time he decided he’d had enough of this nonsense and started slicing through Copenhagen with a series of sublime high-speed runs. His personality change is fascinating.

10.10pm BST

100 min Rashford is well offside when put through by Martial. Play is allowed to continue, as is the norm these days, and that allows Johnsson to make yet another one-on-one save. The flag then went up against Rashford, which means Johnsson’s save won’t go down in the official statistics, but it’ll always be in my heart.

10.09pm BST

98 min: Another big save from Johnsson! Martial, who has played with murderous purpose in the last 25 minutes, zig-zagged devastatingly through the defence and through on goal. He kept beating defenders, one after the other like something from an arcade game, as he tried to find the angle for the shot. He couldn’t so instead backheeled the ball to Mata, who beat one defender and hit a shot that was saved by Johnsson.

10.06pm BST

96 min Our statisticians tell me that was Manchester United’s 84th penalty of the season.

10.06pm BST

No hopping and skipping this time - Fernandes jogged on the spot, ran a couple of paces and smashed it to his left. Johnsson went the right way but couldn’t get near it.

10.05pm BST

One-nil!

10.04pm BST

PENALTY GIVEN! Fernandes will take it.

10.04pm BST

94 min: PENALTY TO UNITED! Bjelland has been penalised for fouling Martial, though it’ll be looked at by VAR. A few seconds before that, Johnsson made a vital save after Martial zipped through the defence onto Mata’s pass. Then Mata again found Martial, who turned Bjelland smartly, had his collar felt and went over.

10.03pm BST

92 min: Johnsson saves again from Martial. It was an instinctive save with his feet when Martial tried to poke the ball past him from a very tight angle. The chance came after a typical bit of interplay between Martial and Rashford. Martial has come alive in the last 20 minutes or so; he’s in beast mode (not to be confused with having a beast).

10.00pm BST

91 min Peep peep! United begin the first period of extra time.

10.00pm BST

Juan Mata has replaced Mason Greenwood. I’m slightly surprised at Greenwood going off, but Mata coming on is a good move.

9.55pm BST

Peep peep! I’m off for a very quick pitstop. See you in a couple of minutes for extra time.

9.55pm BST

Full time: Internazionale 2-1 Bayer Leverkusen

9.54pm BST

90+3 min Stage shoots over from distance. That should be it for normal time.

9.54pm BST

90+1 min Out of nothing Martial slaloms past three players in the area and looks set to score a stunning individual goal when Nelsson lunges to make a last-ditch tackle of immense proportions. That was quite something, both the run and the tackle.

9.52pm BST

90+1 min Three minutes of added time.

9.51pm BST

90 min See 67 min.

9.51pm BST

89 min Martial flips a clever reverse pass to Wan-Bissaka, who screeches a low cross along the six-yard line. In some circumstances that would have been a really good cross, but on this occasion there was nobody there.

9.50pm BST

87 min Fernandes’s shot from 20 yards is blocked the charging Nelsson. Whatever happens from here, Copenhagen have been superb. Their work rate is so impressive, particularly in this heat, and Rasmus Falk is a hipster hero in waiting. If this performance is representative, he should have many suitors.

9.47pm BST

86 min After another mischievous run from Falk, who is such an exciting player, Wind wallops over from 25 yards.

9.47pm BST

84 min: Great save from Johnsson! Martial hit a trademark curler towards the far corner from 25 yards. Johnsson moved across his line, fell to his left and stuck up a left hand to turn it around the post. The most impressive thing about the safe was the strength in his right hand because it looked like Martial’s shot would go through it and into the net.

9.45pm BST

84 min “I am here for the soccer/football match,” says Chris Mackenzie. “Wish MU find a way to score. Who cares about 20 20 20 20 etc. Play on.”

Sorry, I should have made it clear that they haven’t actually stopped the game until Mac Millings and I agree on the most appropriate format for the 2020-2021/2020-21 season.

9.44pm BST

83 min Rashford, who has had a bit of a beast, shoots over from long range.

9.44pm BST

82 min Varela beat Williams with a terrific bit of skill, similiar to Falk’s for the Oviedo chance, but then ran into Williams. It wasn’t a penalty.

9.43pm BST

81 min Varela goes down in the area after a challenge from Williams. The referee says play on but there’s a VAR check going on. It looked like a dive, and VAR decides there’s no penalty.

9.41pm BST

78 min Copenhagen’s defence is so narrow, which is a sensible tactic against a team with lots of good through passers and not many good crosses. You couldn’t play like this against Liverpool or Man City as they’d destroy you in wide positions.

9.39pm BST

78 min Stage is booked for a take-one-for-the-team foul on Rashford.

9.39pm BST

77 min If I was Ole Gunnar Solskjaer I’d be very keen to get Juan Mata on the pitch to bring down United’s heart rate in the final third. The problem is deciding who to replace. Rashford has been poor, so you could maybe switch Greenwood to the left and put Mata on the right.

9.37pm BST

76 min Kaufmann is booked for something or other.

9.36pm BST

75 min “I’m with Mac Millings here,” said no one, eve- sorry, says Nick Honeywell. “I’ve always said ‘Twenty...’ for the years. 1901 was never the year one thousand, nine hundred and one, was it? The second biggest crime of the millennium (after everyone holding their parties a year earlier) was that people went from saying ‘nineteen’ to ‘two thousand’ instead of ‘twenty’.”

Oh, I have no problem with using twenty. It’s the third twenty I was querying: 2020-2021 rather than the usual 2020-21.

9.35pm BST

74 min Oviedo has another shot blocked by Wan-Bissaka, this one a more speculative effort from a deeper position.

9.32pm BST

71 min “For Millings’ sake,” says Matt Dony, unwittingly coining my new favourite exclamation, “I’d like to see FC Twente come in 20th place with 20 points (GD -20) in the 2020-2021 season. I mean, I appreciate that 20th place in the Eredivisie is unlikely, but one can dream. One can dream.”

9.32pm BST

70 min A double change for United: Nemanja Matic and Victor Lindelof replace Fred and Eric Bailly. It’s also time for the drinks break.

9.30pm BST

69 min This is great stuff now. Pogba plays a neat one-two with Martial and has a left-footed shot blocked by Bjelland (I think).

9.30pm BST

68 min Fernandes’s vicious long-range shot is beaten away by Johnsson, who is almost knocked off his feet. The ball eventually comes back to Pogba, whose 20-yard sidefoot is comfortably saved to his left by Johnsson.

9.29pm BST

67 min “It’s getting tickly now - squeaky-bum time, I call it.”

9.28pm BST

66 min: Vital block fron Wan-Bissaka! Copenhagen were so close to taking the lead. Falk, who is such an impressive, impish winger, beat Williams and Fred with an outrageous backheel variation on the Cruyff turn and found Wind (I think) 10 yards from goal. He eschewed the shot and instead square the ball to Oviedo, who stormed onto the ball and blasted a shot that was blocked by Wan-Bissaka. As Oviedo ran onto that ball, he looked certain to score.

9.26pm BST

65 min “Regarding United’s pursuit of a new centre-back, I am wondering if Wan-Bissaka might be a good option if moved inside,” says Kishalay Bannerjee. “He already has excellent one-on-one defensive ability, and his attacking game isn’t really good enough for United anyway. Solskjaer could move him inside, and prioritize a brace of fullbacks instead. Your thoughts?”

I would definitely discuss it with him and look into it as a medium-term option. I’d be slightly worried about all those last-ditch tackles in a central position, but he’s such a natural defender that it’s worth a look, especially as I’m not sure he’ll get much better going forward from right-back.

9.26pm BST

64 min Bailly is booked for a hand-off to the face of Wind. That looked a bit harsh. Just before that Fernandes chance, Williams made a vital (and risky) sliding challenge on Varela, who would otherwise have been through on goal.

9.25pm BST

63 min: Fernandes hits the inside of the post! It was a superb effort from Fernandes. He received the ball 25 yards from goal, to the right of centre, and his only thought was to shoot. He got the ball out of his feet and crunched a shot across goal that beat JOhnsson and bounced up to hit the inside of the post.

9.23pm BST

62 min Maguire is booked for an off-the-ball foul on Kaufmann. Wind then mishit a shot straight at Romero from 12 yards, though I think the flag has gone up in the build-up.

9.23pm BST

61 min Fernandes flips another delightful pass over the defence, and this time Rashford mishits a volley that bounces up into the arms of Johnsson. I think he was trying to cushion the ball back across goal; either way he made a Horlicks of it.

9.21pm BST

59 min Fernandes’s pass over the defence is surprisingly miscontrolled by the stretching Greenwood, who would have been through on goal.

9.20pm BST

58 min A double change for Copenhagen. Bryan Oviedo (yep) and Mikkel Kaufmann replace Daramy and Biel.

9.19pm BST

57 min: Rashford has a goal disallowed for offside. It was the correct decision. He was well offside when he scored after Greenwood’s cracking low shot from the edge of the area hit the inside of the post. The goal would have counted had Greenwood’s original shot gone in.

9.18pm BST

56 min Wan-Bissaka beats Falk on the right but crosses too close to the keeper. Despite that, United’s passing has been much sharper in the last few minutes.

9.16pm BST

55 min After a nice one-touch move from United, Fred hits a miserable low shot straight at Johnsson from 20 yards.

9.14pm BST

52 min Martial’s snapshot is blocked by Nelsson. United are dominating possession, as they have since the drinks break, but Copenhagen look fairly comfortable defensively.

9.13pm BST

51 min Williams is a bit slow to react to Fernandes’s pass into the area. One area where United are weak - incredibly weak compared to the world’s best teams like Bayern and Liverpool - is attacking full-back.

9.12pm BST

50 min “I’m trying to write you a fun email, but I’m back teaching in the classroom this week, so I’m not at my thrilling best,” says Mac Millings. “I am looking forward to the 2020-2021 season, though, if only because we get the unusual privilege of saying ‘twenty’ four times in a row. It’s not much, but it keeps me going.”

I like that you’ve brazenly ignored the usual convention (2020-21) just to treat yourself to an extra twenty.

9.11pm BST

49 min Pogba shoots high and wide from the edge of the area after a good run from Rashford and a lay off from Fernandes.

9.07pm BST

46 min Peep peep! Copenhagen begin the second half.

8.58pm BST

Half-time chit-chat

“Southgate can pick who he likes next summer, Rob,” says Simon McMahon. “But everybody knows it’s Scotland that’ll be bringing it home, though. Winking/laughing emojis.”

8.52pm BST

Half-time reading

8.52pm BST

Peep peep! It’s still goalless after a tepid half of football. FC Copenhagen kept United at arms length for the most part and had a few half-chances to take the lead. The assumption of an easy United looks, well, assish. See you in 15 minutes for the second half.

8.50pm BST

45+4 min Five minutes of added time by the way.

8.47pm BST

NO GOAL! Man Utd 0-0 Copenhagen Replays show he was a yard or two offside. No armpits were involved in the cancellation of this goal.

8.47pm BST

It was an emphatic finish, thumped in off the post with his right foot from a tight angle. It’s still being checked for offside.

8.46pm BST

GOAL! Man Utd 1-0 Copenhagen (Greenwood 45)

Another clinical finish from Mason Greenwood puts United ahead - but he might be offside.

8.46pm BST

45 min Rashford’s awkward, wobbling shot from the left edge of the box is shovelled away by Johnsson.

8.45pm BST

44 min Wan-Bissaka’s deflected cross kicks up at Martial, who controls it on the chest but then falls over and can’t get a shot in.

8.42pm BST

40 min United’s good spell has petered out. I can’t decide whether they look rusty or tired; either way their guilty feet have got no rhythm.

8.38pm BST

37 min Varela’s dangerous cross is cleared behind for a corner by Bailly, who just got in front of Daramy at the near post for the second time in the match.

8.38pm BST

36 min “Do you think Gareth Southgate will pick Greenwood as a potential super-sub at next year’s European Championship?” asks Robert Lin. “Also, is Shaw second choice left-back behind Chilwell in your opinion?”

I think Greenwood will definitely go, maybe even as a starter. I’m not so sure about Shaw – I think he’s better than Williams at that stage but still not good enough. It depends partly on where Bukayo Saka is used next season.

8.33pm BST

33 min Greenwood makes a bit of space on the edge of the area to rifle a shot that is headed behind by Bjelland. For the first time in the match, Copenhagen are under sustained pressure.

8.31pm BST

30 min Pogba floats a lovely pass to find Rashford on the left of the area. He takes his time to assess the options and then curls a nice ball in that just evades the stretching Martial at the far post. United have been sharped since the break.

8.29pm BST

29 min “Matic,” writes my colleague Tim de Lisle, “is playing a blinder.”

8.29pm BST

28 min Fernandes lifts the free-kick well over the bar.

8.28pm BST

27 min The match resumes and immediately United look more purposeful. After a snappy passing move, Greenwood is hacked down 22 yards from goal. There’s been another goal in Dusseldorf: Kai Havertz has made it Internazionale 2-1 Leverkusen.

8.26pm BST

25 min It’s time for the drinks break. Meanwhile, Dave Jackson has sent a link explaining the Cologne/Loch Lomond connection.

8.24pm BST

24 min Apparently the referee did point to the spot during that earlier incident, and then VAR overturned the decision because of an offside against Maguire.

8.23pm BST

22 min Romelu Lukaku has made it Inter 2-0 Leverkusen in Dusseldorf.

8.23pm BST

21 min: There’s a VAR check for a United penalty. I’m not sure exactly what happened because my TV briefly turned blue, but I think the upshot is that they would have had a penalty but for an offside against Maguire in the build-up.

8.21pm BST

20 min A loose clearance from Wan-Bissaka in his own area is blocked by Wind and almost ricochets to Daramy. Romero has to charge from his line to claim the ball.

8.20pm BST

19 min This United team often start games slowly, and tonight is no exception. FC Copenhagen have been the better team so far.

8.19pm BST

17 min: Chances galore for Copenhagen! Fred’s dismal pass was intercepted by Wind, who eased it forward to Daramy in the area. He twisted Bailly inside out before hitting a shot that was blocked desperately by Maguire, and then Wind’s follow-up was blocked by Pogba in the six-yard box.

8.17pm BST

17 min In the other match tonight, Nicolo Barrella has made it Internazionale 1-0 Bayer Leverkusen.

8.17pm BST

16 min Falk’s corner from the left is flicked on at the near post, by a United player I think, and headed away by the flying Williams on the line. The ball wasn’t going in, though Nelsson was behind him waiting to score.

8.16pm BST

15 min Pierre Bengtsson replaces Boilesen, who must have pulled a muscle or some such.

8.15pm BST

13 min Biel’s deflected cross from the right so nearly falls for Daramy in the six-yard box. Bailly does really well to comes across and get a block in. Moments later, Wan-Bissaka is knocked off his feet when Boilesen’s hard-hit cross smacks him in the coupon. Weirdly, Boilesen seems to have injured himself in hitting the cross. He’s sitting down, a picture of frustration, and a substitute is being prepared.

8.11pm BST

11 min It’s been a fairly low-key start. United have had the more promising openings, but it’s certainly not a one-sided match.

8.10pm BST

9 min “I watched a Cologne match last season on the telly box, and my ear immediately picked up on the song being played as the team came out,” says Simon McMahon. “It was unmistakably Loch Lomond, the traditional Scottish folk song. The Cologne fans were belting it out, in German of course, but I couldn’t help wondering what the origins were. Anyone know?”

8.09pm BST

8 min A free-kick to United 30 yards from goal, slightly to the right of centre. Rashford drives it a few yards wide.

8.07pm BST

6 min Pogba rakes an outrageous crossfield pass to Wan-Bissaka to set United on the wall. Eventually Fred drives a pass over the defence to Bruno Fernandes, whose header across the face of the goal is cleared by a Copenhagen defender. Martial wasn’t able to catch up with play.

8.04pm BST

4 min ... and Jonas Wind heads it away at the near post. Copenhagen have made quite a fast start. Their formation is more of a 4-4-2 than 4-2-3-1, with Wind and Daramy up front.

8.04pm BST

3 min United win an early corner on the left. Bruno Fernandes strolls over to take it...

8.01pm BST

1 min Peep peep! After the players on both sides take a knee - what did happen at the Etihad the other night - United get the game underway. It’s 32 degrees apparently.

7.58pm BST

The players emerge on a sultry evening in Cologne. Both teams are in their home strip: United red (Chevrolet), Copenhagen white (Carlsberg).

7.53pm BST

“Here in Germany it was never quite clear why Sancho should leave a young, dynamic team with Champions League qualification and the promise of better things to sign for Manchester United,” writes Paul. “I find it regrettable that certain sections of the Manchester United heavily biased press (no names), are even calling on Sancho to go on strike. Their arrogance, particularly in these Corona-stricken times, and the idea that Chelsea and United can buy everything in the Bundesliga, shows how far they are removed from reality.”

While I take your point, especially about the arrogance, I’m not sure they’re that far removed: do you not think Havertz and Sancho will end up at Chelsea and United this summer? As unpleasant as it is, this stuff has been going on since Moses wore short pants.

7.49pm BST

“Hi Rob,” says Peter Oh. “It looks like Netflix star and former Sunderland player Bryan Oviedo is among Copenhagen’s substitutes.”

It’s an omen.

7.37pm BST

“Hi Rob,” says Lars Bøgegaard. “Could I interest you with a remarkable stat? Copenhagen has played 30 European games in a row without conceding more than one goal. That is seven more games than the second best on the list, one of the great Milan sides from the 90s.

“The last team to score more than one European goal against Copenhagen was Atletico Madrid in 2018. That record row surely will come to an end tonight, no? Here at the pub in Copenhagen we hope not!”

7.35pm BST

“No BT Sport for me so I’ll be with you throughout this gripping high stakes encounter,” says Neil Carter. “Good to see Bailly playing tonight, it always adds excitement in this house predicting the moment he either injures himself, a teammate or gives away a penalty/gets a red card. It gives these European nights extra spice. Greenwood to have a good game and score the winner for me tonight footballing gods. GGMU!!”

7.31pm BST

“Is it really such a surprise that Fred is selected this evening?” says David Wall. “Even when they were inconsistent in the first half of the season he was unarguably one of the few successes of the season (alongside Rashford and Martial). He seemed to have developed a decent relationship with Fernandes before the hiatus that gave Pogba time to regain fitness.

“Much as I was impressed by their post-lockdown form I thought it a shame that he was the one missing out in the new midfield three. He was pretty good evidence for the view that sometime players arriving to a new league just need a bit of time and, crucially, support from their manager to adjust and show the form that justified buying them in the first place.”

7.27pm BST

It’s a really warm night in Cologne, over 30 degrees, so there should be drinks breaks during both halves.

7.26pm BST

Pre-match reading (and listening)

7.14pm BST

If the match level after 90+4 minutes, it will go extra-time and potential penalties. The shorter format definitely increases Copenhagen’s chance of causing a shock.

7.10pm BST

“Would have picked McTominay over Fred - his forward thrusts cause the opposition problems,” says Francis Mead. “And Bailly always gives me the willies - he’s an accident waiting to happen.”

I assume Lindelof is only fit enough for the bench. The Fred decision is interesting; I didn’t see that coming.

7.05pm BST

Pre-match buzz-harsher

It’s all part of the game.

7.03pm BST

Eric Bailly continues alongside Harry Maguire, with Victor Lindelof on the bench, and Fred is preferred to Nemanja Matic. That’s a bit of a surprise. If I was going to play Fred it would have be instead of Pogba rather Matic.

FC Copenhagen’s XI includes the former United right-back Guillermo Varela, one of the 327 youth players given their Old Trafford debut by Louis van Gaal.

6.00pm BST

Hello. We’re all desperate to get back to normal life, and I don’t know about you but I’m Jonesing for a pedicure. There are, though, are a few aspects of Covid life that are superior to the old normal. Exhibit A: the two-week festival of European football that starts in Germany tonight. It’s the best of all worlds. We get the splendour of European football with the thrill of a novelty format – and without the affront to tradition that would usually accompany such a TV-friendly mega-event.

The two mini-tournaments to decide the 2019-20 Champions League and Europa League are a bespoke response to a unique situation. There will be European football – knockout, cut-throat, business-end European football – on TV for 12 the next 14 nights (or days, depending on where you reside). It’s an orgy of jeopardy and everyone’s invited, just as long as they have the right TV package.

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Published on August 10, 2020 14:57

August 8, 2020

Bayern Munich 4-1 Chelsea (agg: 7-1): Champions League last 16, second leg – as it happened

The imperious Robert Lewandowski scored two and made two as Bayern returned to action with a ruthless dismantling of Chelsea

10.05pm BST

9.53pm BST

They’re still playing in Barcelona. You will believe the score!

9.50pm BST

Peep peep! Bayern Munich will play Barcelona or Napoli in the quarter-final on Friday after another hugely impressive performance. Robert Lewandowski scored two and made two, and I pity the fools who have to face this lot in Portugal over the next fortnight. They are quite magnificent.

9.48pm BST

90 min Davies is going off injured, so Bayern are down to 10 men. It looks like a precaution rather than a cause of national despair in Canada.

9.47pm BST

88 min Bayern have won the European Cup five times: 1974, 1975, 1976, 2001, 2013. Use this statistic while you still can.

9.44pm BST

87 min In the 2019-20 season, Chelsea have conceded 78 goals in all competitions.

9.43pm BST

85 min “Hi Rob,” says Kishalay Bannerjee. “A huge shame that the Ballon D’or has been cancelled this year. Lewandowski would have been a near certainty, in my opinion.”

I don’t really understand why they cancelled it as it’s never based on domestic football anyway. They could have followed the usual procedure: pick the best player from the European champions and make them runner-up to Lionel Messi.

9.42pm BST

Robert Lewandowski gets his 53rd goal of the season. Odriozola burst down the right and angled a cross to the far post, where Lewandowski powered a downward header back across goal and into the net. That’s a majestic finish.

9.38pm BST

81 min A Chelsea change. Tammy Abraham off, Olivier Giroud on.

9.38pm BST

80 min Bayern’s final change. Javi Martinez comes on for the ever excellent Serge Gnabry.

9.37pm BST

79 min Hudson-Odoi’s shot is blocked by Goretzka, and then James shoots straight at Neuer from 25 yards.

9.35pm BST

77 min One goal, two assists: it’s been a good night’s work for Robert Lewandowski.

9.35pm BST

That was awful defending from Chelsea. Lewandowski, found on the left wing by Gnabry, had an age to line up a cross with his left foot. He cpicked out Tolisso, who was criminally unmarked six yards from goal and twisted his body like a piece of Playdoh to sidefoot a volley through Caballero.

9.33pm BST

Chelsea won’t be getting an equaliser on the night.

9.32pm BST

75 min Chelsea’s attitude has been excellent. It would have so easy to throw the towel in, especially when they went 5-0 down on aggregate. Instead they are still pushing for an equaliser on the night.

9.30pm BST

73 min At the other end, Reece James swishes a nice long-range shot with the outside of the foot that goes a few yards over the bar.

9.30pm BST

71 min Coutinho, 25 yards from goal, whips a lovely, trademark curler that dips onto the roof of the net.

9.28pm BST

70 min Two more changes for Bayern. Kimmich and Thiago, who were both on yellow cards going into the game, are replaced by Alvaro Odriozola and Corentin Tolisso.

9.27pm BST

70 min Barkley’s free-kick hits the wall.

9.26pm BST

68 min Thiago fouls Barkley on the edge of the D. He’s a bit lucky not to be booked, especially as it would have ruled him out of the quarter-final.

9.25pm BST

67 min The second corner leads to a free header for Thiago, whose effort is blocked on the six-yard line by Barkley.

9.24pm BST

66 min A Bayern corner isn’t properly cleared by Chelsea, and Lewandowski volleys a dangerous cross on the turn that hits Zouma and deflects past the far post for another corner.

9.23pm BST

65 min Coutinho’s first main contribution is a gorgeous pass inside James for Davies, whose cutback is cleared by Zouma at the near post.

9.21pm BST

64 min A double change for Bayern: Boateng and Ivan Perisic are replaced by Niklas Sule and Philippe Coutinho. Boateng wasn’t limping as he came off, so Bayern will hope he’s okay for Friday.

9.19pm BST

61 min Davies meepmeeps to the byline and curls over a nice cross to Muller, who volleys into the ground and over the bar from eight yards. That was a really good chance, though I think he was put off by Zouma missing an attempted header at the near post.

9.18pm BST

60 min Boateng is going to continue, which is surprising and, in the circumstances, a bit bizarre. He must be certain it was an impact injury rather than a muscular problem.

9.16pm BST

59 min “As someone who warmed up to DRS late in cricket, I thought VAR should be given a proper crack,” says Digvijay Yadav. “I’ve seen enough now. Bin it, I say.”

It’s too late. As Tony Soprano said, you can’t put that stuff back in the donkey.

9.16pm BST

58 min This is very bad news for Bayern. Jerome Boateng has pulled something while diving to head the ball back to Neuer, and he won’t be able to continue. More importantly, he looks doubtful for Friday’s quarter-final against Barelona or Napoli.

9.14pm BST

55 min “Following the progress reports on our Canadian youngster Alphonso ‘Fonzie’ Davies with sheer delight,” says Ernest Harder. “His showing on the world stage of soccer is enhancing profile and interest in the game in Canada immensely.”

He is so much fun to watch, with such an infectious attitude to life, never mind football. We know all about his physical qualities – meep meep! – but Glenn Hoddle, commentating on BT Sport, made the excellent point that the timing of his runs from left-back is so mature for a teenager. He is frighteningly good for a 19-year-old.

9.10pm BST

53 min Zouma makes an heroic, John Terryish block from Davies’s shot, which seemed to be arrowing into the bottom corner.

9.09pm BST

51 min A few of you have asked why Hudson-Odoi’s goal was disallowed. Abraham was slightly offside in the build up, and I don’t know what else to say.

9.07pm BST

50 min Thiago makes an excellent tackle on Barkley, who looked set to run through on goal after a good pass from Abraham.

9.06pm BST

49 min Emerson clips a good pass behind the Bayern defence to find Mount, who hits a low left-footed shot from a tight angle that is comfortably saved by Neuer. Mount had no support, which is why he took the shot on when the odds weren’t in his favour.

9.02pm BST

46 min Peep peep! Bayern begin the second half.

8.46pm BST

Peep peep! A brilliant Bayern are storming into the last eight, though Chelsea deserve credit for their puppy-dog enthusiasm. Even at 5-0 down on aggregate, and with a sunkissed beach awaiting, they attacked with purpose and intent. See you in 10 minutes for the second half.

8.45pm BST

Tammy Abraham gets a first-half consolation goal Emerson’s driven cross was pushed out by Neuer straight to Abraham, who tapped it into the open net from six yards. Neuer should have done better there.

8.43pm BST

43 min Emerson is booked for hoofing Goretzka.

8.42pm BST

40 min Perisic beats James with a stepover and slams a low cross to the near post, where Muller gets in front of Christensen but can’t control the ball or steer it behind his standing leg towards goal. He was trying one or the other.

8.41pm BST

39 min Bayern are so good: their aggression, their movement, their one-touch passing, their everything.

8.39pm BST

37 min Here’s Adesegun Agbebiyi on the subject of Frank Lampard’s school report.

“Not sure James has done anything worthy of note in this Chelsea team other than the lucky goal against Ajax. He is not solid and pretty error prone. Not sure about Mount either. He just doesn’t boss games enough and his finishing is terrible. He would be half decent if he scored even 10% more of his chances. Mount reminds me of Lingard and there is every chance he goes off the boil like him.

8.38pm BST

36 min Bayern’s route to glory is:

8.36pm BST

34 min We’ve just seen a replay of Hudson-Odoi’s disallowed goal. Abraham was slightly offside in the build up.

8.32pm BST

31 min A superb move from Bayern ends with the stretching Gnabry belting a volley across the face of goal from a tight angle. I think/assume he was going for goal, but it was a difficult chance as he was at full stretch.

8.31pm BST

VAR has seen an offside somewhere, so Hudson-Odoi’s goal has been disallowed. I bet VAR is good at parties.

8.30pm BST

That was a lovely goal from Hudson-Odoi. He received a short pass from Abraham, 25 yards from goal to the left of centre. His fast feet took him away from Thiago, and then he coaxed a beautiful curling shot into the far corner from 22 yards.

8.29pm BST

Callum Hudson-Odoi bites the hand that wanted to feed him!

8.29pm BST

27 min “Oh well,” says Mary Waltz, “at least Chelsea ended all doubt early and I can switch over to Barca with no guilt.”

8.28pm BST

26 min Emerson almost gets one back for Chelsea. He charged purposefully past three players before hitting a shot from 18 yards that was pushed behind for a corner by Neuer. It was a comfortable enough save.

8.26pm BST

James took a throw-in to Kovacic, who dawdled and was shoved off the ball by Muller. The ball ran to Lewandowski and suddenly Bayern had four on two. Lewandowski considered the two off-the-ball runs to his left, decided not to use them and instead angled a sliderule pass to the unmarked Perisic on the other side of the area. He watched the ball onto his right foot and guided it past Cabaellro at the near post.

8.25pm BST

Ivan Perisic scores an offensively easy goal to make it 5-0 on aggregate.

8.23pm BST

23 min It’s all Bayern. Every time Chelsea get the ball they are swamped by red shirts.

8.20pm BST

20 min “All eyes on Bayern and their match fitness after finishing their season a while ago,” says Ruth Purdue. “Could be the difference.”

Yes, I did wonder about that, but the intensity of their play in the first 20 minutes has pretty eye-catching. Their freshness suggests the month-long break might have been an advantage.

8.18pm BST

18 min Gnabry’s inswinging cross from the right beats everyone and almost drifts into the net at the far post.

8.17pm BST

17 min Goretzka’s acrobatic long-range volley goes over the bar. This could get really ugly for Chelsea. It’s not particularly pretty at the moment, tbf.

8.16pm BST

15 min “Interesting VAR situation with the penalty,” says John Barrow. “If Caballero hadn’t taken Lewandowski down, it probably wouldn’t have been a penalty - or a goal. The offside call would have stood and play resumed with a free kick. It’s one of the interesting issues with VAR: if you score a goal there are endless replays to see if there was an offside in the build-up. However, if an offside is called during an attack, there is no VAR check.”

With the caveat that I haven’t a clue about the laws of football any more, I’m not sure that’s quite right. Wouldn’t the assistant only have put the flag up when the attack stopped, i.e. after Lewandowski put the ball in the net? You see that quite a lot these days, players putting the ball in the net just to be sure, even if they were flagged offside four days earlier.

8.15pm BST

14 min Davies storms down the left and angles a crisp pass into Muller, on the edge of the D. He takes the ball in his stride and spanks a rising drive just over the bar. He was shoved by Kante in the act of shooting, which put him off balance.

8.14pm BST

13 min This has been a blistering start from Bayern. At this precise moment - 20:13 BST on 8 August 2020 - they are the best team in Europe.

8.11pm BST

11 min Gnabry’s long-range shot kicks up a little awkwardly at Caballero, who holds on safely.

8.11pm BST

11 min “Mea culpa, Rob - you did say interesting, not surprising,” says Neal Butler. “You’re not the only one whose cognitive function has pencils stuck up its nose and underpants on its head. I have to say, I do like the look of that Chelsea midfield. Kovacic has been a minor revelation this year - under Sarri, he looked very poor, IMHO.”

Yes he’s been terrific, probably their best player this season. If Kante can stay for next season it would make an enormous difference to this team.

8.10pm BST

Robert Lewandowski scores his 52nd goal of the season! Caballero went the right way, to his left, but the penalty was right in the corner. Brilliant finish.

8.09pm BST

Gnabry slipped a lovely pass through to Lewandowski, who got to the ball a split-second before Caballero and was taken out. Replays showed the left-back Emerson was playing him onside.

8.08pm BST

PENALTY GIVEN! And Caballero is booked.

8.08pm BST

7 min Lewandowski is taken down by Caballero, and the referee is about to give a penalty when he realises the flag has gone up for offside. This may be overturned by VAR.

8.06pm BST

5 min Bayern look pretty sharp, certainly for a team who haven’t played for a month. The mighty left-back Alphonso Davies curls an excellent ball from the left that flashes across the face of goal.

8.02pm BST

2 min “Not sure that Hudson-Odoi being on the team-sheet is that big a surprise - with Pedro, Willian, and Pulisic all out, they don’t really have anyone else to put on the wing,” says Neal Butler. “Abraham starting is a little surprising, given Giroud’s recent form, but not Hudson-Odoi.”

I thought I said ‘interesting’ rather than ‘surprising’, but my cognitive function isn’t what it wibble.

8.02pm BST

1 min Peep peep! Chelsea, in blue, kick off from left to right. Bayern are in red. As per Peter Oh’s email during the City game last night, this match is a mobile provider-off: T-Mobile versus Three. Hang on, Chelsea are sponsored by Three.

7.59pm BST

The players line up for the familiar Champions League anthem. No handshakes tonight.

7.57pm BST

“Evening Rob,” says Stephen Carr. “We may as well talk about Pirlo because this game already has a fork stuck in it. Its an interesting appointment given Pochettino’s availability and Pep only having a year left on his deal. Can’t see them bombing Pirlo out after a year unless he completely screws it up.”

I suppose there is a reasonable precedent for a superpower giving a legendary regista his first big managerial job, but it’s such a big risk. I’d love to know what he did during his seven days in charge of the under-23s to gain such a quick promotion.

7.52pm BST

The most interesting bit of team news is the inclusion of Tammy Abraham and Callum Hudson-Odoi, who have drifted to the margins. Hudson-Odoi has had a seriously frustrating season, though he’s still only 19 so he’s not ready to join the list of football’s lost boys just yet.

7.47pm BST

Interesting... very interesting

OFFICIAL ✍️ | Andrea Pirlo is the new coach of the First Team.https://t.co/riVxl1enbJ #CoachPirlo pic.twitter.com/pf9QRbJ6Ll

7.27pm BST

A reminder of the first leg of this tie, which took place in more innocent times.

7.01pm BST

Bayern (yes, yes, or Chelsea) will play Barcelona or Napoli in the quarter-final on Friday. Our Baz is covering the second leg at the Camp Nou.

6.56pm BST

Pre-match business

6.53pm BST

For Chelsea, this is the final game of a promising first season under Frank Lampard. They had a brilliant run to the FA Cup final, beating Liverpool, Leicester and Manchester United, and qualified for the Champions League. Christian Pulisic was a revelation and Timo Werner and Hakim Ziyech are eye-catching signings.

But the plan to invest in young English players didn’t really pay off, with the exception of Mason Mount and to a lesser extent Reece James, and the defence needs a lot of work. I’d give Frank a B on his school report. I’m sure he could really give one.

6.52pm BST

Bayern Munich (4-2-3-1) Neuer; Kimmich, Boateng, Alaba, Davies; Goretzka, Thiago; Gnabry, Muller, Perisic; Lewandowski.
Substitutes: Ulreich, Hoffmann, Odriozola, Sule, Javi Martinez, Coutinho, Cuisance, Hernandez, Tolisso, Tillman, Musiala, Arrey-Mbi.

Chelsea (4-3-3) Caballero; James, Christensen, Zouma, Emerson; Barkley, Kante, Kovacic; Hudson-Odoi, Abraham, Mount.
Substitutes: Arrizabalaga, Cumming, Rudiger, Giroud, Batshuayi, Tomori, Broja, Lawrence, Maatsen, Bate, Simeu.

1.13pm BST

Hello. It’s Saturday night at the Allianz Arena, and Chelsea are in town. The last time that happened was on 19 May 2012, the greatest night in Chelsea’s history. Eight years later they need the greatest comeback in anyone’s history. Let’s be clear: while there have been bigger comebacks in European football, there is no precedent for a team of Bayern’s ability and experience blowing a 3-0 lead from the away leg.

The closest is probably Barcelona’s hilarious collapse against Metz in 1984-85, but this Bayern team are on a different level. Chelsea have two chances of making the quarter-finals, and slim is self-isolating.

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Published on August 08, 2020 14:05

August 7, 2020

Manchester City 2-1 Real Madrid (agg: 4-2): Champions League last 16, second leg – as it happened

Raheem Sterling and Gabriel Jesus took advantage of unusual errors from Raphael Varane to put Manchester City into the quarter-finals

12.18am BST

10.07pm BST

Jamie Jackson’s match report has landed, so I’ll leave you with that. Thanks for your company - goodnight.

10.06pm BST

Here’s Raheem Sterling

“[We showed] energy, passion. It’s a competition we want to do well in, and we said that if we play our football and run our socks off the result will follow. I thought [our work-rate] was brilliant tonight, and with our pressing we got two goals.”

9.56pm BST

City will play... Lyon in the quarter-final next Saturday. They have surprisingly beaten Juventus on away goals in Turin, despite the best efforts of Cristiano Ronaldo. And although Lyon took four points off City in the group stages last season, Pep Guardiola’s team will be huge favourites.

9.53pm BST

Manchester City are into the quarter-finals of the Champions League after an occasionally tense but ultimately comfortable win over Real Madrid. Raphael Varane was at fault for both goals, scored by Raheem Sterling and Gabriel Jesus, and Karim Benzema’s equaliser on the night ultimately counted for nowt. City can pack their bags for Portugal knowing they are only three games from winning the Champions League.

9.49pm BST

90 min Four minutes of added time.

9.47pm BST

89 min Nicolas Otamendi replaces Rodri, who has cramp.

9.46pm BST

88 min City are doing a bit of tiki-taka timewasting. Madrid know it’s over.

9.45pm BST

86 min David Silva clips the free-kick just over the bar. It was a fine effort, which brushed the roof of the net on its way through.

9.44pm BST

85 min De Bruyne is fouled just outside the area by Kroos. City have controlled the game really well since going 2-1 ahead.

9.42pm BST

83 min A triple change for Real Madrid: Lucas Vazquez, Fede Valverde and Luka Jovic replace Modric, Carvajal and Hazard.

9.40pm BST

81 min David Silva comes on for his last appearance at the Etihad, replacing the ever threatening Raheem Sterling.

9.39pm BST

80 min Modric is booked for fouling De Bruyne, and is out of the quarter-final as a result.

9.38pm BST

79 min City are passing the clock down. Madrid need a goal quicksmart, and then another quicksmart after that.

9.35pm BST

76 min “It seems churlish that Foden should have to come off because Pep the genius’s genius plan wasn’t working,” says Ian Copestake. “Pep should bring himself off, so to say.”

9.34pm BST

75 min It’s been nervy at times, but City deserve to go through over the two legs. Barring a late twist, they will play either Cristiano Ronaldo or Lyon in the quarter-final a week tomorrow.

9.32pm BST

72 min City appeal unsuccessfully for a penalty after a very clumsy tackle from Carvajal on Sterling. That looked like a decent shout, and Carvajal also gave away a penalty with a foul on Sterling in the first leg. A few seconds later, Walker’s low long-range drive is pushed away by the diving Courtois.

9.30pm BST

71 min City have a four-on-three attack after another slight mistake from Varane. Bernardo Silva goes alone, with De Bruyne better placed, and eventually his shot is blocked.

9.29pm BST

70 min Madrid need to score twice now. A penalty-box scramble ends with Modric’s shot from a tight angle being saved by the legs of Ederson.

9.28pm BST

It’s another howler from Varane. His attempted backheader to Courtois was short, and Jesus, who had to take the shot first time from a very tight angle, stretched out his left foot to spin a superb finish past Courtois.

9.27pm BST

Raphael Varane has put Manchester City in the quarter-finals! (Probably.)

9.26pm BST

68 min “To Tony Patterson’s point, Pep loves playing midfielders in all positions, always has,” says Phil Podolsky. “Fernandinho is pretty spry for a wise 47-year-old who can read the game.”

Thing is, I know you didn’t write these words, but whenever I look at your second sentence all I see is ‘YAYA TOURE, ROME, 2009, APPLES’.

9.26pm BST

67 min A change for City: Phil Foden is replaced by Bernardo Silva.

9.25pm BST

66 min: Excellent save from Courtois! This is terrific stuff now. De Bruyne and Gundogan combined to find Jesus, who dragged the ball away from Militao in one smooth movement and lifted a shot from 12 yards that was pushed over by Courtois.

9.23pm BST

64 min A long ball over the top is helped across by Asensio to Benzema. He moves the ball onto his right foot, just inside the area, and slaps a shot that is straight at Ederson. That was a chance, and this is getting very squeaky for City.

9.22pm BST

64 min: CRISTIANO BLOODY RONALDO.

9.22pm BST

64 min If you don’t want to know the Juventus score, don’t read the next entry.

9.21pm BST

63 min Benzema forces his way past Fernandino and Laporte on the edge of the area before spanking a shot that hits Laporte and goes behind for a corner.

9.20pm BST

61 min A change for Madrid: Marco Asensio replaces Rodrygo.

9.20pm BST

61 min City have been better in the last few minutes. Foden cuts infield and forces a pass to De Bruyne on the right side of the box. He hammers a low cross that deflects off Militao and whistles across the face of goal.

9.19pm BST

60 min “Ramos a bartender?” says Peter Oh. “What’s his signature drink? Dirty Martini?”

I heard it was Old Fashioned.

9.17pm BST

59 min “It drives me absolutely mad that he plays for City, but what an absolutely brilliant pass from De Bruyne that was to set up Sterling,” says Matt Richman. “It is incredible how he can make one of the finest teams in Europe look like a set of training cones in the blink of an eye.”

9.17pm BST

58 min Gundogan clips a good first-time pass into the pass of De Bruyne, who storms forward from midfield. He reached the edge of the area before chopping back inside Militao and side-footing a low shot that deflected off the sliding Carvajal for a corner.

9.15pm BST

56 min “Looking at the shirts on display, this appears to be a major derby between two fancy airlines: Etihad v Emirates,” says Peter Oh. “Fair play to them but I miss the Brother and Teka days. Typewriters and printers versus washing machines and microwave ovens. So much more relatable to the common football fan than luxury first class cabin service.”

9.15pm BST

55 min Benzema welts one into orbit from distance.

9.14pm BST

54 min: Good save from Courtois! Yet again it came from a Real mistake, this time a poor pass from Casemiro that went straight to Foden. He played it to Gundogan, who helped it on to the unmarked Sterling in the area. Gundogan’s pass was overhit, though, and that meant Courtois was able to narrow the angle and block Sterling’s shot.

9.13pm BST

54 min Real are starting to dominate possession. City will kick themselves forever and a day if they cock this up.

9.12pm BST

53 min “I remember you writing years ago that Fergie overthought European games (playing the ghost of 1960 Hampden versus Madrid in 2000 at the Bernabeu for instance),” says Digvijay Yadav. “For Fergie then read Pep now.”

Yeah, I think there’s something in that. Didn’t he leave De Bruyne out at Spurs last season? He tinkered at Liverpool in the league as well. I understand playing Gundogan for extra protection in midfield, especially as you don’t lose that much going forward, but I don’t really get some of Pep’s decisions in attack.

9.12pm BST

52 min Rodrygo is fouled just outside the area by Joao Cancelo, but the referee waves play on. Real need to get Rodrygo on the ball more because he has the beating of Cancelo.

9.07pm BST

49 min “Is there any truth to the story that Sergio Ramos travelled to the game on a fixie bike?” asks Matt Dony. “Has he bought any rare 180g vinyl records while in Manchester? Will he be enjoying some smashed avocado at half time? Is he going to try and sell me some ridiculously expensive gin infused with a hideous combination of flavours?”

9.07pm BST

48 min De Bruyne again tries to score from a corner, the brazen genius, and this time Courtois has to dive back towards the near post to push the ball away.

9.06pm BST

48 min “I’m rooting for the underdog,” says Ian Copestake, “but in the absence of any am gunning for Ipswich Town.”

9.06pm BST

47 min: Sterling misses a great chance! De Bruyne slid a delicious straight pass in between Varane and Carvajal to put Sterling through on goal, but he slashed his shot and Courtois spread himself to push it behind. I think it was going wide of the near post anyway.

9.04pm BST

46 min Peep peep! City begin the second half, and Pep has switched his front three to their usual positions: Sterling left, Jesus centre, Foden right.

8.50pm BST

Half-time reading. Read it.

8.49pm BST

Interesting, very interesting. City looked to be cruising into the quarter-finals when Raphael Varane farted around in his own area and gave Raheem Sterling an early goal, but Real slowly came to life Karim Benzema - who is giving a clinic in modern centre-forward play - equalised with an accomplished header. The next goal is a very, very, very, very, very, very big goal.

8.47pm BST

45+1 min One minute of added time. De Bruyne almost scores from a corner, whipping an inswinger that is punched away from under the crossbar by the scrambling Courtois. I’m pretty sure that was a deliberate shot by De Bruyne.

8.45pm BST

45 min “This might be controversial but I don’t think Fernandinho is great at centre back,” says Tony Patterson. “For me, he was at fault for the goal. Granted there aren’t many options for Pep but surely Stones with Laporte is better. Plus you’d get the benefit of being able to play Fernandinho in midfield.”

8.45pm BST

44 min Benzema volleys straight at Ederson from 10 yards. He was well offside and it wouldn’t have counted.

8.44pm BST

42 min: So close from Foden! Real almost give City another goal. Courtois’s awful drilled pass went straight to De Bruyne 25 yards from goal. He pushed the ball into Foden, who turned on the edge of the D and drove a low shot just wide of the far post.

8.42pm BST

42 min City are showing the first signs of frustration, mainly with the referee. This is all becoming a bit tense.

8.41pm BST

40 min “Hey Rob,” says Matt Collins. “I see Ramos more as Judah Mannowdog, Princess Caroline’s hipster assistant from Bojack Horseman.”

8.39pm BST

39 min I’m not sure Pep’s funky tactics have worked. Sterling has been dangerous, but Foden (false nine) and Jesus (left wing) have been peripheral.

8.38pm BST

37 min Joao Cancelo sweeps a low shot from the edge of the area that is pushed away unconvincingly by Courtois. Thankfully for him the rebound goes to Militao, who lumps it clear. It could easily have gone straight to Gundogan, who would have had a tap-in.

8.37pm BST

35 min No signs yet of any excess City nervousness, though I’d imagine that will change if Real get the next goal. It’s unthinkable that City could go out after being in complete control of the tie.

8.34pm BST

33 min Kyle Walker shoots from 25 yards, and immediately regrets it.

8.34pm BST

32 min “Hi Rob!” says Aadik Shekar. “That shot of Sergio Ramos celebrating the Benzema goal - looks like he should be bartending at some hipster cocktail bar w/ a password you’ve never heard of, no?”

Ha ha, that’s the perfect description.

8.32pm BST

31 min City were unusually passive during the spell leading up to Benzema’s equaliser. Now they are on the attack again. Despite the best efforts of Raphael Varane, this is turning into a cracking game.

8.29pm BST

The talismanic Karim Benzema has brought Real back in the tie. He started the move with a short pass to Rodrygo just outside the area on the right. He poked the ball past Joao Cancelo and stood up a fine cross towards the six-yard line, where Benzema arrived late to plant an excellent downward header past Ederson.

8.28pm BST

Now then!

8.28pm BST

27 min This is a decent spell for Real, who have woken up after an execrable start to the game.

8.25pm BST

23 min Meanwhile, we have exclusive pictures of Gareth Bale watching City score their first goal.

8.24pm BST

22 min This is better from Madrid. A short corner on the right is worked to Hazard, 25 yards from goal. He drills an excellent left-footed shot that zips up off the pitch and is well held at the near post by the sprawling Ederson.

8.22pm BST

21 min: Good save from Ederson! Out of nothing, Madrid create their first chance. Hazard screwed a nice left-footed pass through to Benzema, who slipped Laporte in the D and smacked a shot that was palmed away by Ederson as he fell to his left.

8.21pm BST

20 min “If it gets a bit dull,” says Alan in Toronto, “you can always point out that this was a unique occasion where the UEFA Champions League anthem wasn’t booed at the Etihad!”

I bet Pep was hissing under his breath though.

8.20pm BST

19 min Sterling zig-zags gloriously past two defenders in the area and is about to shoot when Casemiro slides in to challenge. The referee gave Real Madrid a free-kick, though I’m not sure why. When I heard the whistle I thought he might have given a penalty for Casemiro’s challenge.

8.17pm BST

16 min If they go through, City will play the winners of Juventus v Lyon. There’s been a goal in that game as well.

8.16pm BST

15 min Sterling has an age to turn 20 yards from goal, look up and flick an insouciant curler that skims the roof of the net.

8.16pm BST

15 min Real are all over the place the back, making the most basic mistakes. Sergio Ramos is having a great game.

8.15pm BST

14 min Modric finds Row V from 20 yards.

8.13pm BST

12 min Varane blocks a shot from Gundogan. If City get another, Real Madrid will need three, and that will be that.

8.12pm BST

10 min Brian Kilcline wouldn’t have conceded a goal like that. It’s an immutable truth of association football that you cannot score from Row Z.

8.11pm BST

That was a shocking mistake from the usually immaculate Raphael Varane. He was faffing around in his own area, passing the ball back and forth with Courtois in the sophisticated style, when he had his front pocket picked by Jesus. He squared the ball to Sterling, who slid it into the net from eight yards.

8.10pm BST

It’s comedy season.

8.08pm BST

8 min “Wow, that’s a kit,” says Matt Dony. “Are Madrid sponsored by Stabilo?”

8.07pm BST

7 min De Bruyne spanks a 25-yard shot that hits Militao and deflects behind for a corner.

8.07pm BST

5 min City have started with Sterling on the right, Jesus on the left and Foden as a false nine. I didn’t see that coming.

8.05pm BST

3 min Nothing to report yet. I’m still trying to work out what happened at the kick-off. Sterling certainly took a knee, I’m not sure whether he was the only one, but when the whistle was blown Benzema kicked off. The players took a knee in the Europa League, so it seems odd that they wouldn’t do so in the Champions League. Anyway.

8.02pm BST

1 min Peep peep! Real Madrid, in their new pink away strip, kick off from right to left. City are sporting their new home strip. The kick-off was a bit strange: when the referee blew the whistle, Raheem Sterling took a knee and then realised the game had started. I’m not sure what happened there.

7.58pm BST

The players emerge on a warm night in Manchester. A largely dry evening for many with some late sunshine in the south, although cloudier with the chance of a shower across Cumbria. Dry overnight with cloud spreading to southern areas with a mist or fog patch possible. Warm. Minimum temperature 10 °C.

7.44pm BST

Pep Guardiola’s pre-match thoughts

“We need to be ourselves - try to play the game with a lot of rhythm, create chances and defend well when we need to defend.”

7.39pm BST

“Hey Rob,” says Louie B. “Any reason David Silva is not listed in the City squad - your main pic is him warming up.”

That’ll be a good old-fashioned Guardian cock-up. Nobody does it better!

7.27pm BST

“Why are the two games this evening and tomorrow,being played at the same time?” asks Martin Peters. “It would have been nice to see all the games. Why not a couple of them on Saturday and Sunday afternoon, for example?”

Uefa have fallen back in love with tradition. Next season’s Champions League will be an unseeded knockout, only the league champions qualify.

7.21pm BST

This isn’t the only Champions League match tonight. Juventus are hoping to overcome a 1-0 deficit against Lyon, a match that will be watched and described by Tumaini Carayol.

7.19pm BST

None of the City squad are on a yellow card tonight. Luka Modric and Federico Valverde are the only Madrid players who will miss the quarter-final if they are booked.

7.17pm BST

Pre-match reading

6.55pm BST

The big news is that Phil Foden starts. It looks like a 4-2-3-1 for City, with extra protection against the counter-attack, but don’t rule out something funky from Pep Guardiola. In the first leg he played Gabriel Jesus on the wing and used Bernardo Silva and Kevin De Bruyne as false nines.

Manchester City (possible 4-2-3-1) Ederson; Walker, Fernandinho, Laporte, Cancelo; Rodrigo, Gundogan; Foden, De Bruyne, Sterling; Jesus.
Substitutes: Bravo, Stones, Zinchenko, Bernardo, Silva, Mahrez, Otamendi, Garcia, Doyle, Harwood-Bells, Palmer, Bernabe.

5.32pm BST

Hello. Now, who fancies a bit of hate-sex? Vicarious, metaphorical hate-sex, that is. If so, you should follow Manchester City’s libidinous pursuit of the Champions League, a competition run by an institution they loathe. It has become a bit of an odyssey over the last nine years, but it will all be worth it if they win the final a fortnight on Sunday.

City’s progress or otherwise is one of the more compelling subplots in the unique festival of Champions Leaguery that begins tonight. The 2019-20 competition will be decided in a whistlestop mini-tournament: 17 games, 11 days, and one very heavy trophy. City have won 11 domestic honours since the Abu Dhabi takeover in 2008 (14 if you count the Community Shields, which an increasing number of oddballs choose to do). But you don’t need to be Pep Guardiola’s subconscious mind to know that this is the one they really want.

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Published on August 07, 2020 13:57

The Fiver | Those innocent days when sales of toilet paper were stable

The best thing about lockdown was that it gave The Fiver a newfound respect for life. In particular, we started to appreciate the little things that we take for granted. Now, with each easing of the lockdown, we get to experience these joys anew. First it was inane chat at the barbers, then McDonald’s breakfasts, and now Big Cup is back!

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Published on August 07, 2020 08:42

August 6, 2020

Wolves 1-0 Olympiakos (agg: 2-1): Europe League last 16, second leg – as it happened

Raul Jimenez’s nonchalant early penalty and some terrific goalkeeping from Rui Patricio put Wolves into their first European quarter-final since 1972

10.00pm BST

Peep peep! Wolves are into a European quarter-final for the first time since 1972. They will play Sevilla, Europa League royalty, in a one-legged tie on Tuesday. Raul Jimenez’s early penalty gave them victory on the night, though they had to withstand a heap of pressure from a relentless Olympiakos side. The man of the match was Rui Patricio, who made two fine saves and radiated calm on a very tense night.

9.57pm BST

90+4 min Jimenez is booked for fouling yer man.

9.57pm BST

90+3 min Wolves are three minutes away from a quarter-final against Sevilla.

9.56pm BST

90+1 min Fortounis beats Dendoncker twice on the left of the area and drifts a lofted ball across the goal. Eventually it reaches Elabdellaoui, well beyond the far post, and he spanks a half-volley into the side netting from a very tight angle.

9.54pm BST

90 min Six big ones.

9.54pm BST

90 min Jimenez wastes some time by the corner flag. I’d imagine there will be at least five minutes of added time.

9.53pm BST

89 min Boly is going to continue.

9.51pm BST

88 min Boly is sitting up, though he still looks pretty vacant.

9.50pm BST

87 min Allain and Boly are receiving treatment after a collision as they challenged for a high free-kick. Allain is up on his feet; Boly is still down.

9.49pm BST

86 min A quiet couple of minutes, which is just what Wolves needed.

9.47pm BST

83 min Joao Moutinho, given far too much space 22 yards from goal, clips a shot over Allain that brushes the roof of the net.

9.46pm BST

82 min Cafu has replaced Guilherme for Olympiakos.

9.45pm BST

81 min: Fine save from Rui Patricio! That was the closest Olympiakos have come to an equaliser in the second half. Tsimikas moved into space down the left and clipped a terrific cross into the middle, where the unmarked Hassan powered a downward header towards goal from eight yards. Rui Patricio dived to his left to palm it away.

9.44pm BST

80 min Hassan’s overhead kick from the edge of the area is easily saved by Rui Patricio. On a tense night, he has been an oasis of calm.

9.43pm BST

79 min: Jota misses a great chance! That should have been it for Olympiakos. Ba played a dreadful backpass towards the keeper Allain that was intercepted by Jota. He tried to force the ball past Allain, who spread himself to make a vital save. At the other end, Guilherme whips a drive onto the roof of the net from 20 yards. This is so tense.

9.40pm BST

76 min If Wolves get through, it will be the definition of a hard-fought victory. They’ve been on the back foot for the best part of an hour.

9.39pm BST

75 min Cisse is booked for something or other.

9.36pm BST

72 min El-Arabi gets ahead of Coady at the near post but can’t make proper contact with a right-wing cross. Apparently Podence was booked for leaving the field in a manner that offended the referee, which means he will miss Tuesday’s quarter-final against Sevilla if Wolves get there.

9.35pm BST

71 min Another Wolves change. Daniel Podence, who won the penalty that put Wolves ahead, is replaced by Leander Dendoncker. That cautious change - I’d imagine Wolves will switch to 3-5-1-1 - is a reflection of Olympiakos’s dominance.

9.34pm BST

70 min Allain makes a good save from Podence, though the flag had gone up for offside.

9.31pm BST

67 min It’s getting desperate out there. Fortounis beats two players on the left side of the box and crosses low to El-Arabi, who turns Coady smartly on the six-yard line but then slips and hits his shot into the side netting at the near post.

9.30pm BST

65 min Ahmed Hassan replaces Camara for Olympiakos. Moments later, El-Arabi’s speculative backheader from Valbuena’s inswinging free-kick is easily held by Rui Patricio.

9.29pm BST

63 min This is a good spell for Wolves. When a corner is half cleared, Vinagre sprays a long angled pass over the top of the defence to Podence. He cushions a first-time volley back to Jota, whose fierce snapshot takes a deflection and flies wide of the far post. The stretching Boly almost diverted it into the net.

9.27pm BST

62 min Coady, in the centre circle, sweeps a stunning disguised pass inside the full back for Doherty, whose cutback is put behind for a corner.

9.27pm BST

62 min: Good save by Allain! Neves nicked the ball 35 yards from goal and found Jota, who zoomed forwards and swept a rising shot from the edge of the area that was tipped over at full stretch by Allain. It was central enough for it to be a relatively comfortable save.

9.24pm BST

61 min See 50 min.

9.23pm BST

59 min Olympiakos have dominated this game since around the 20th minute. The only slight plus point for Wolves is that Rui Patricio hasn’t had that much to do. But it feels like an equaliser is in the post.

9.21pm BST

56 min Adama Traore is replaced by the out-of-form Europa League golden boy Diogo Jota.

9.20pm BST

55 min The more I see a replay of that El-Arabi chance, the more I think it should have been a penalty. Boly didn’t apply that much force with a forearm into the back, but the force he did apply stopped El-Arabi getting a clear header at goal from six yards.

9.19pm BST

54 min A brilliant lofted cross from the right by Elabdellaoui finds El-Arabi, who is eased into the ball by Boly and flicks his header well off target as a result. El-Arabi wanted a penalty; VAR gave it a cursory lock. Boly knew what he was doing, though I’m not sure there was enough for a penalty.

9.17pm BST

53 min Olympiakos are starting to pin Wolves back in their half. Camara zips between Traore and Neves before being well challenged on the edge of the area by Boly.

9.14pm BST

50 min I’ll tell you one thing: the next goal is a big one. You don’t get that level of insight elsewhere.

9.14pm BST

49 min Nothing much to report in the first few minutes of the second half.

9.11pm BST

46 min Two half-time changes for Olympiakos. Giorgos Masouras and Andreas Bouchalakias have been replaced by Kostas Fortounis and Lazar Randjelovic.

9.09pm BST

46 min Olympiakos begin the second half.

8.55pm BST

Half-time listening

8.55pm BST

Peep peep! Raul Jimenez’s nonchalant early penalty has put Wolves ahead, but the last 25 minutes of the first half were pretty uncomfortable and Olympiakos would have equalised had that pesky VAR not spotted an excessively enthusiastic armpit in the build-up to Mady Camara’s apparent equaliser.

8.51pm BST

45+6 min Moutinho is still lying on his back, though he is conscious. I suppose Wolves can make a decision during the half-time break as to whether he can continue.

8.49pm BST

45+4 min Ba is booked for flattening Joao Moutinho. It was a clash of heads, in fact, and Moutinho is receiving treatment.

8.47pm BST

45+1 min Four minutes.

8.46pm BST

45 min Tsimikas is booked for fouling Traore in his follow through after originally winning the ball. The resulting free-kick eventuallyleads to a sweet long-range strike from Neves that is claimed at the second attempt by Allain.

8.45pm BST

44 min Wolves are hanging on for half-time. Camara picks up a loose ball on the edge of the D, loses Ruben Neves and drives a few yards wide of the far post.

8.42pm BST

41 min A ludicrous attempt from Raul Jimenez, who tries a rabona lob from 20 yards. He caught it pretty well but it drifted over the bar.

8.40pm BST

39 min This definitely isn’t a false sense of dominance; Olympiakos are well on top just now, and Wolves urgently need to hear three shrill peeps.

8.39pm BST

38 min Joao Moutinho is booked for this or that, I forget which, and then Masouras has a long-range shot comfortably saved by Rui Patricio.

8.37pm BST

36 min Another chance for Olympiakos. Valbuena’s wicked free-kick from deep on the right was flicked on at the near post by El-Arabi and just evaded the stretching Cisse at the far.

8.35pm BST

34 min This is Olympiakos’s best spell, at least in terms of sustained possession. That can sometimes give you a false sense of control against Wolves, such is their threat on the break.

8.32pm BST

What a bonus for Wolves. El-Arabi’s armpit was offside.

8.31pm BST

It’s very tight, but I think he was onside. The check is taking an age...

8.30pm BST

There’s a VAR check for offside against El-Arabi...

8.30pm BST

That was a pretty soft goal from Wolves’ point of view. El-Arabi broke into space down the right before looking up and angling the ball back to the unmarked Camara on the edge of the box. He opened his body to sidefoot a first-time shot that hit the sliding Boly and ricocheted into the roof of the net. I think it was going in anyway.

8.29pm BST

Olympiakos equalise out of nothing!

8.28pm BST

26 min Jimenez picks out Ruben Neves, whose stinging shot from 18 yards hits Cisse and spins behind for a corner.

8.27pm BST

23 min Traore gets in a good crossing position only to be penalised for fouling Masouras, even though he didn’t. “Sometimes he gets unfairly punished because he’s physical,” says the BT Sport co-commentator Karen Carney. “There were two players trying to sandwich him there. What was he meant to do?” Carney never appears on the list of best pundits, at least not the ones I’ve read, but I think she’s terrific - insightful and economical, which is a pretty rare combination.

8.21pm BST

19 min: Good save from Rui Patricio! That was terrific play from Olympiakos. The left-back Tsimikas fed the ball into Masouras and kept running. Masouras lobbed the ball neatly over his head, into the path of Tsimikas, who humped the bouncing ball and lashed it bouncing ball towards the near post from 15 yards. Rui Patricio flew to his right to make a fine one-handed save.

8.19pm BST

18 min Olympiakos have their first half-chance. Camara, on the right, curls over a very deep cross that is headed wide from 10 yards by Masouras.

8.17pm BST

17 min Jonny limps down the tunnel to be replaced by Ruben Vinagre. I suspect that’s the end of his 2019-20 season.

8.16pm BST

16 min Jimenez has a goal disallowed for a foul on Allain, who dropped a looping header at his feet. There wasn’t much in it but Saiss did lead with his arm, and keepers usually get a free-kick in such situations. He’s a bag of nerves, though.

8.15pm BST

14 min Jonny is struggling. There was nobody near him when he went down, and it looks like a muscle injury.

8.13pm BST

12 min I know we all like to sneer at the Europa League, but this mini-tournament should be all sorts of fun. Inter v Leverkusen is a belter of a quarter-final; Sevilla v Wolves, should it come to pass, wouldn’t be far behind.

8.10pm BST

10 min Olympiakos had to score anyway, though now it’s to take the tie to extra-time rather than go through.

8.09pm BST

Jimenez scores the penalty in style, sitting Allain down before passing the ball slowly in the other direction.

8.08pm BST

PENALTY TO WOLVES! The keeper Bobby Allain, making his European debut, has had a shocker. He miscontrolled a backpass and then, in an attempt to redeem the error, needlessly shoved Podence over near the left edge of the box. Oh, Bob.

8.07pm BST

7 min I think Olympiakos will be happy if it’s 0-0 at half-time, in accordance with the Anfield 89 principle. And they only need one goal rather than two.

8.06pm BST

6 min I’m not sure my email is working either. Those problems aside, this is a triumph for the Guardian’s sports coverage!

8.05pm BST

5 min It’s been a quiet start aside from that Jimenez half-chance. There’s no clock on the BT Sport coverage, which is a bit of a nightmare, but I can confidently assert that we are still in the first half.

8.02pm BST

2 min An early half chance for Jimenez. A ball forward was blocked by Joao Moutinho and bounced up nicely for Jimenez, whose driven lob from 20 yards drifted wide of the far post.

8.01pm BST

1 min Peep peep! Wolves, in gold, kick off from right to left. Olympiakos are in red-and-white stripes.

7.54pm BST

The winners of this tie will play Sevilla in the quarter-finals on Tuesday. Sevilla have beaten Roma 2-0 in their one-legged quarter-final. Bayer Leverkusen have beaten Rangers 1-0 to complete a comfortable 4-1 win aggregate victory. They meet Internazionale in a humdinger on Monday.

7.44pm BST

Some pre-match reading

7.10pm BST

Wolves (3-4-2-1) Rui Patricio; Boly, Coady, Saiss; Doherty, Ruben Neves, Joao Moutinho, Jonny; Traore, Podence; Raul Jimenez.
Substitutes: Ruddy, Sondergaard, Jordao, Pedro Neto, Gibbs-White, Diogo Jota, Ruben Vinagre, Campana, Dendoncker, Kilman, Buur, Marques.

Olympiakos (4-3-3) Allain; Elabdellaoui, Ba, Cisse, Tsimikas; Bouchalakis, Guilherme, Camara; Valbuena, El Arabi, Masouras.
Substitutes: Tzolakis, Fortounis, Lovera, Cafu, Papadopoulos, Torosidis, Xentidis, Gaspar, Martinis, Sourlis, Randjelovic, Ahmed Hassan.

6.44pm BST

Hello. If ever a football match deserved a crowd, it’s this one. This should have been a mighty European night at Molineux, with Hi Ho Wolverhampton thundering around the ground before kick-off. It’s still a huge game, a chance for Wolves to reach their first European quarter-final since 1972; it just won’t be as raucous as we’d like.

Wolves go into the game as decent favourites to qualify. They drew the first leg 1-1 back in March, a good scoreline but one that comes with a stick-or-twist dilemma. Wolves know that a 0-0 draw would put them through on away goals, though it shouldn’t unduly affect a team who are at their best on the counter-attack, even at home.

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Published on August 06, 2020 14:01

August 5, 2020

Manchester United 2-1 LASK (agg: 7-1): Europa League last 16, second leg – as it happened

Jesse Lingard and the substitute Anthony Martial scored as a much-changed United side finished the job they started before lockdown

10.00pm BST

That’s enough about Romelu Lukaku; we can return to the subject when he roofs his third in the final. Jamie Jackson’s report on tonight’s game has dropped, so I’ll leave you with that. Thanks for your company - goodnight.

9.59pm BST

“Lots of rose-tinted comments on Lukaku,” says Nigel Mitchell. “Not a bad player by any stretch. But, his finishing was poor and cost United in many games. Plus he looked worn out after 10 min of a match.”

There was one game – Chelsea at home in 2018-19, I think – when he was unplayable for 20 minutes, absolutely monstrous, but had clearly run his race well before half-time.

9.56pm BST

These are all tonight’s Europa League results

9.55pm BST

That was a strange old game. The tie was over four months ago, and it showed. LASK enjoyed themselves on their first visit to Old Trafford, and took the lead with a belter from Philipp Weisinger. Jesse Lingard, who played with a confidence we haven’t seen for about 18 months, equalised shortly afterwards and Anthony Martial came off the bench to score his 23rd goal of the season.

9.52pm BST

Peep peep!

9.51pm BST

90+3 min Romero makes a really smart save from Raguz, who flicked the ball behind his standing leg at the near post.

9.49pm BST

90+1 min Mata put Martial through again, and this time his left-footed shot is kicked away by Schlager. Martial was flagged offside after the event, though I’m not sure it was the right decision.

9.48pm BST

90+1 min This has been a unique game of football, and not in a good way.

9.48pm BST

90 min “Re: five things we learned from this game,” says Phil West.

9.47pm BST

89 min Ranftl plays a nice one-two with Sabitzer before driving well wide from the edge of the D.

9.47pm BST

Anthony Martial gets his 23rd of the season. Mata, who has had a terrific second half played a one-two-three in a very tight area with Martial, who zig-zagged past a couple of defenders on the edge of the box and sidefooted a low shot that slithered through the keeper and dribbled slowly over the line.

9.45pm BST

87 min “I agree with you in many ways,” says Tim Stappard. “Lukaku is a Conte/ Mourinho player but as a Utd fan I wouldn’t want him tearing Maguire apart.”

He’s still a bloody good player, and stranger things have happened in football than him putting United out of the Europa League with a hat-trick. But if United were going to aim high – really high, Fergie high – he had to go. Martial is much more suited to the way Solskjaer wants to play, with movement and stuff.

9.44pm BST

86 min Christian Eriksen has put Inter 2-0 up against Getafe, so they look set to play Rangers or Bayer Leverkusen in a humdinging quarter-final.

9.43pm BST

85 min A double change for United. Anthony Martial and the debutant Teden Mengi replace James and Fosu-Mensah.

9.42pm BST

84 min After some fancy skills in the build-up from Chong (a kind of Cruyff turn chop) and then Pereira (a Zidane pirouette), McTominay drags a low shot just wide from the edge of the D.

9.38pm BST

80 min Another LASK substitution: Andres Andrade off, Petar Filipovic on.

9.37pm BST

79 min “Hi Rob,” says Matt Burtz. “If only because it might be my favourite Everton goal, I just want to note the similarities between Wiesenger’s goal and the one scored by Phil Jagielka at Anfield in 2014. Minus hitting the bottom of the crossbar, of course.”

Jagielka’s was much better I’d say - not just because of the crossbar porn, but because he cut across the ball where Wiesinger had the easier task of hitting it with the inside of the foot. Still a damn fine goal, mind.

9.35pm BST

77 min Mata has been much bettter in the second half, with lots of those familiar first-time passes into space. It’s still a dog of a game, but he has made it slightly more watchable.

9.34pm BST

75 min “In 2016, Mourinho inherited Martial and Rashford whilst Guardiola inherited/acquired Sane and Sterling,” says Digvijay Yadav. “By the time Mourinho left, the United duo were so far behind. Almost scandalous what Mourinho was allowed to do to them. Should have shown patience with them like Fergie did Rooney and Ronaldo from ‘04-‘06. Instead he went and bought Lukaku and Sánchez. Still fuming about that.”

One thing in Mourinho’s defence – he realised very early on, a lot sooner than most of us, that Rashford was a left-sided forward rather than a No9. But this is the first season in which they have both thrived since van Gaal’s last few months, albeit having swapped positions.

9.32pm BST

73 min Another LASK change. The teenager Thomas Sabitzer, cousin of the marvellous Leipzig midfielder Marcel Sabitzer, replaces the goalscorer Philipp Wiesinger.

9.30pm BST

73 min “Hi Rob,” says Craig Foley. “As a Swansea fan I’d bite your hand off if you offered us Dan James back on loan next season. He probably doesn’t need to worry about spot in the Wales squad for the Euros, but he’s still young (this is only his third season after all) and needs regular games to develop. Also, I saw John Williams play in a charity game last year. He still had a burst of pace but it was just the one burst in the entire game!”

That put him one up on most 52-year-olds, and me.

9.30pm BST

72 min Tahith Chong comes on for Brandon Williams.

9.30pm BST

71 min A fierce low shot from Reiter is saved at the near post by Romero, though I’m not sure he knew that much about it. He got in a bit of a tangle and the ball hit his leg before deflecting away.

9.29pm BST

71 min I pity the fool who has to write a ‘Five Things We Learned’ on this game.

9.28pm BST

70 min Pereira plays a good one-two with Mata but then crosses too close to Schlager.

9.27pm BST

67 min “How has OGS been vindicated on Lukaku?” says Tim Stappard. “Ridiculous statement. If Utd get to the final he could well be awaiting. Scored a brutal goal v Getafe.”

The clue’s in the word ‘Getafe’. I just think Martial is a much better No9 if you aspire to win the Premier League and Champions League. You disagree, which is fair enough, but in no way it is a ridiculous statement. Saying it’s a ridiculous statement is ridiculous, I’ll give you that, and now I feel ridiculous for pointing out the ridiculousness of you saying it was ridiculous!

9.24pm BST

66 min A LASK chance: Dominik Reiter for Husein Balic.

9.23pm BST

63 min Jesse Lingard and Fred are replaced by Paul Pogba and Andreas Pereira. Both don’t look thrilled to be substituted, Lingard in particular, but I would suggest their removal is a good sign given what’s to come.

9.22pm BST

62 min “Wondering how you feel Solskjaer is vindicated on Lukaku?” says Michael Bradbury. “He’s been banging them in for Inter (23 in 36). I guess because his absence has allowed Rashford and Martial to flourish?”

More Martial than Rashford, I think. Solskjaer effectively replaced Lukaku with Martial, who had the best season of his career and even managed a personality transplant. I don’t think you can win the Premier League with Lukaku in the team, but you might with Martial. It was a brave decision because the safer short-term bet would have been to keep Lukaku to score cheap goals against the weaker teams and buy Solskjaer some time. But it wouldn’t have done anyone much good in the medium term.

9.21pm BST

61 min Mata has a shot blocked and then Fosu-Mensah blazes a drive into orbit.

9.20pm BST

60 min On reflection, maybe it is Lingard’s goal. There is a split-second between Lingard’s shot and Wiesinger’s tackle, so if the original shot was going on target it will count as his goal.

9.18pm BST

59 min The goal may well be given to Lingard, which would be his second in two games, but I reckon that was Wiesinger’s goal.

9.17pm BST

Wiesinger does get his second goal of the game, but this one’s at the wrong end. Lingard, put through on goal by Mata, took an age to decide what to do. When he eventually had a shot, Wiesinger tackled him simultaneously and diverted the ball through Schlager’s legs.

9.15pm BST

56 min Wiesinger almost scores again! He ran onto a square pass, 25 yards out again, and this time drove a low shot just wide with Romero scrambling across his goal.

9.14pm BST

That was a spectacular strike from Philipp Wiesginger. A corner from the left was headed away by Fosu-Mensah at the near post and ran to Wiesinger 25 yards from goal. He had time to take a touch or three but instead sidefooted a booming first-time curler that beat the diving Romero and flew into the top corner.

9.13pm BST

Pick that out!

9.11pm BST

53 min Mata clips a nice first-time pass out to Williams, who moves into the area and slides a low cross that just evades the stretching James in the six-yard box. Williams had so much time there, almost too much.

9.09pm BST

51 min “Why this obsession with playing Maguire?” says Tim Stappard. “Whatever you think of him, and to me he’s the most overpriced defender ever, he needs a rest.”

I suspect Solskjaer gave the regular first XI the option to play tonight, and Maguire was the only one who said yes. Paul Scholes made the point that he looks like the kind of player who likes the rhythm of regular games, and this was never going to be the most taxing night.

9.09pm BST

50 min: United have their first shot on target Lingard and Mata combine neatly to find Ighalo, who evades Michorl with those deceptively quick feet but then shoots too close to Schlager.

9.05pm BST

47 min Lingard slides a good pass to find James, whose cross towards Ighalo is too close to the keeper. United’s final ball has been desperate.

9.04pm BST

47 min “Hi Rob,” says Peter Oh. “The visitors were riding high at the top of the Austrian Bundesliga before the pandemic-induced shutdown, but have endured a chaotic time during lockdown and the restart. They were docked six league points for violating lockdown restrictions, their manager was fired and they lost numerous matches (including their final three league fixtures on the trot) to finish well off the pace.”

9.03pm BST

46 min Peep peep! United begin the second half.

8.56pm BST

Half-time reading

8.56pm BST

“How many of these players do you think are in the shop window?” asks Digvijay Yadav. “I’d say Lingard and the absent Dalot, at least. More impressive than the incomings have been the outgoings under OGS: Fellaini, Darmian, Lukaku, Alexis Sanchez, Herrera etc. With the exception of Sánchez, not technically good enough for United.”

I liked Herrera, though I realise I’m in a minority. I’m really pleased Solskjaer has been vindicated on Lukaku, which was a brave decision and one for which he received pelters in the winter. As for this lot, I think most of them will stay next season. I’d say the only ones who might be sold this summer are Mata, Lingard and Bailly, plus Pereira on the bench.

8.52pm BST

“Hiya Rob,” says Adam Kline-Schoder. “Ever since that video surfaced of Dan James falling madly in love with a puppy, the mere thought of him being low on confidence makes me sad. More seriously, he was such a bright spark when he first came; hopefully he’ll be given the time to rediscover his mojo.”

I doubt he’ll make it at United, which is a shame as he seems a decent lad and I love the idea of United having somebody who is even faster than John Williams. I’d be tempted to send him out on loan next season.

8.49pm BST

Britain’s Nuclear Secrets: Inside Sellafield in on BBC Four at 9pm, you know.

8.48pm BST

45 min “If the last 20 minutes of the first half of this near meaningless Europa League tie against significantly weaker opposition is any guide, Jesse Lingard is BACK, baby,” says Barry Bryan. “Clearly the man to add depth to Fernandes’ position.”

He’s played nicely, hasn’t he. The thing that really stands out is his confidence, especially that lovely flicked pass to Ighalo.

8.47pm BST

44 min United will doubtless bring on some of their best XI in the second half, to give them a little workout ahead of the quarter-final, so LASK may have missed their chance of an historic yet kinda pyrrhic victory at Old Trafford.

8.46pm BST

43 min McTominay’s fizzed through pass almost finds Mata, but Renner comes across to cover on the edge of the area.

8.44pm BST

41 min “Hi Rob,” says Matt Burtz. “Re: Jesse Lingard, there’s a subsection of the Everton fanbase that thinks that he’s nailed on to come to Goodison. I disagree, but there is ample evidence of Everton taking the rejects of ‘bigger’ clubs and putting them on high wages (see Iwobi, Delph, Schneiderlin, Sigurdsson if you count his time at Spurs, etc.). I don’t think Carlo Ancelotti will operate this way, but as Jerry Seinfeld once noted, anything’s possible.”

I did think of Everton, then I was overwhelmed by an image of cuddly Carlo wagging a finger at me with a stern look on his coupon. It’s certainly not beyond the realms that he will join them, but I don’t expect it to happen. Lingard’s playing well tonight and looks very confident, so maybe that weird goal at Leicester will give him a new lease of life at United. The more I think about it, if he leaves United he’ll go to Spurs, where Mourinho will buy all the players who have done well under him elsewhere. Lingard and Mesut Ozil will float behind Harry Kane, with Ricardo Carvalho and Pepe setting a new Premier League record of 17 consecutive

red cards
clean sheets.

8.40pm BST

39 min McTominay is booked for introducing Balic to the lush Old Trafford grass.

8.40pm BST

36 min Lingard eases a through pass down the inside-right channel to James, whose low cross is put behind for a corner. United’s final ball has been very poor so far.

8.39pm BST

35 min Michorl is booked for a two-footed tackle on Lingard. He should have been sent off. I genuinely have no idea whether they are using VAR tonight, and am only too happy to share my expertise in this area.

8.35pm BST

32 min Lingard flicks a lovely first-time pass to Ighalo, who cuts back inside Trauner in the area and is about to shoot where Renner appears to poke the ball to safety.

8.34pm BST

30 min Mata’s gentle outswinging corner is headed a few yards wide by Maguire. That wasn’t much of a chance, because there was no pace on the ball and he was 12 yards from goal. Maguire only scored one goal in the league last season; he should really be getting six or seven, such is his set-piece threat.

8.31pm BST

28 min Another chance for LASK. Renner on the left curls in a terrific cross towards the near post, where Balic forces his way into front of Maguire and flicking a looping header that drifts just over the bar.

8.30pm BST

27 min “Dear Rob,” says Nick Gatto. “Re: your preamble. Rangers fan here. I seen what you did there.”

I did say the likeliest route to winning a trophy. Actually, I’ve just realised I didn’t say the likeliest route, but I should have done.

8.28pm BST

26 min James hares into space down the left, cuts into the area but then runs into trouble. He looks so low on confidence.

8.27pm BST

25 min Balic leaves it to - yep - Michorl, whose free-kick hits the wall.

8.26pm BST

24 min Fosu-Mensah fouls somebody 25 yards from goal. The free-kick is to the left of centre, and Balic is over it...

8.26pm BST

23 min LASK have had the better opening, such as they are. Trauner clips a good pass over the defence to Ranftl, who drives a low cutback towards the penalty spot. Balic gets to it first, just in front of Fosu-Mensah, but the ball slices off the outside of his foot and away. That was a chance.

8.24pm BST

22 min “Will the lesser-spotted Jesse Lingard be a United player next season if Sancho joins the already overcrowded forward roster?” asks Justin Kavanagh.

I think United will struggle to get rid of him even if they want to. He’s on pretty big money - £100,000 a week, reportedly – and I can’t think of an obvious fit in the Premier League. I might have said Brighton before they signed Adam Lallana. Actually, Mourinho might take him – Lingard played his best football, by far, under him.

8.24pm BST

21 min Nothing much is happening. But you knew that would be the case before the game.

8.19pm BST

17 min “Fosu-Mensah is, if not quite someone I’d carry a candle for, a player I really liked the look of when he first came about,” says Christopher Faherty. “Cover at right-back is an issue fpr us, Dalot’s a solid enough player when he lines out but appears to be made of biscuits.”

You were there at his birth? But seriously, Ole clearly doesn’t trust Dalot, rightly or wrongly, and Fosu-Mensah is certainly worth keeping. He’s still only 22. I’m not sure he’ll ever be good enough to be a regular but at this stage of United’s development I think he’s fine as a squad player.

8.18pm BST

16 min Michorl belts a first-time shot into orbit from 30 yards. He wants a goal at Old Trafford, doesn’t he.

8.16pm BST

14 min United haven’t really got going yet. Lingard looks quite bright, as does Fred, but James has been peripheral and Ighalo hasn’t had any decent service.

8.13pm BST

10 min LASK are bright and breezy in possession, and look like they have come to enjoy themselves. A long throw is headed behind by Maguire for LASK’s first corner. It’s booted behind for another by Fosu-Mensah. The second corner is whipped in dangerously by Michorl and headed up in the air by one of a number of bodies on the six-yard line. Andrade runs onto the loose ball and loops a header against the crossbar. The rebound eventually comes to Wiesinger, who whistles a shot just wide of the far post.

8.08pm BST

5 min Michorl receives possession 50 yards from goal, inhales the rarefied Old Trafford air and tries to drive a chip over Romero. It drifts well wide.

8.07pm BST

4 min Fred sprays a superb 60-yard pass across the field to Mata. He moves into the area and tries to find the unmarked Ighalo in front of goal, but his square pass is unusually scruffy and Andrade stretches to concede a corner.

Mata swings the corner to the far post, where Maguire heads over the bar. That was a decent chance.

8.05pm BST

3 min While LASK can’t go through, they can still win a match at Old Trafford, and that would mean plenty. Their odds (14/1 last time I looked) are pretty generous given they are playing against United reserves.

8.03pm BST

1 min Peep peep! After a minute silence, the players on both sides take a knee. And then LASK get the match under way, kicking from right to left. They are in white; United are in their new 2020-21 home strip. It’s not great, I can’t lie to you.

7.59pm BST

The players emerge on a cool evening in Manchester. There has been a bit of talk about players potentially forcing their way into the team for the Europa League mini-tournament, but realistically that’s not going to happen. With the possible exception of the goalkeeper, we all know what the starting XI will be against FC Copenhagen on Monday: de Gea; Wan-Bissaka, Lindelof, Maguire, Williams; Pogba, Matic; Greenwood, Fernandes, Rashford; Martial.

7.57pm BST

It’s been 146 days since the first leg, and for once Uefa aren’t to blame. No, I can’t remember much about it either. Happily for both of us, Tim de Lisle has turned an apparently everyday match into a memorable piece of writing.

7.49pm BST

FC Copenhagen 3-0 Istanbul Basaksehir (agg: 3-1) is the final score in Denmark, so United will play Copenhagen in Cologne on Monday.

Shakhtar Donetsk have also qualified with a 3-0 win over VfL Wolfsburg (agg: 5-1). It was 0-0 after 88 minutes. Shakhtar will almost certainly play Basel, who lead Eintracht Frankfurt 3-0 from the away leg, in the last eight.

7.18pm BST

It looks like United will face FC Copenhagen in the quarter-final on Monday. They are 3-0 up against Istanbul Basaksehir, an aggregate lead of 3-1, with 25 minutes to play in Denmark

7.17pm BST

Pre-match reading

7.00pm BST

With a couple of exceptions, Ole Gunnar Solskjaer has picked his B team. Harry Maguire and Brandon Williams are the only survivors from the team that started against Leicester 10 days ago. The big hitters are all on the bench and will probably stretch their legs in the last half hour.

Man Utd (4-2-3-1) Romero; Fosu-Mensah, Bailly, Maguire, Williams; McTominay, Fred; Mata, Lingard, James; Ighalo.
Substitutes: Grant, Pogba, Martial, Rashford, Pereira, Fernandes, Greenwood, Wan-Bissaka, Matic, Garner, Chong, Mengi.

1.35pm BST

Good evening. Look, let’s not get carried away: if LASK go through tonight, it will only be the most astonishing result in football history. They trail 5-0 from the first leg, and now they have to go to Old Trafford. They have two chances, and slim is self-isolating.

For Manchester United, this is a warm-up for the Europa League mini-tournament in Germany that starts next week. United’s potential route to a first trophy under Ole Gunnar Solskjaer sn’t easy, but nor should it keep them awake at night:

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Published on August 05, 2020 14:00

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