Francesca Bossert's Blog, page 20

THE SNARK IN THE MIRROR

Photo by Jana Shnipelson at Unsplash

I am beginning to find itHard to ignoreThe insultsBeing hurled at meBy the rude, impatient personIn the mirrorWho should know betterThan to pass ridiculous, cruel judgment onThis new plethora of full-body pudge-pudding rolls,All ailments and brilliant new medications considered.I should rebuke her insensitive remarksAbout my trunk now overflowing with junk,Send her to the corner to mull overThe amount of crap I’ve endured.I should tell her that the hissy fit she pulled tonightOver a series of unexpected and somewhat upsetting wardrobe malfunctionsWas beyond unacceptable,And that from now on she can bloody wellZip it.But of course, I know damn well she’ll just smirk and say,“Well, I would if I could, but everything’s too tight.”She’s awful, you know. She really is.

Buy me cake!

LASAGNA, LINDOR BALLS AND GREAT GLUGS OF CAVA: Catatonic in Catalunya

Do not attemptTo politely, moronicallyEat your wayThrough a giant plateOf lasagnaWashed down with great glugs of CavaFollowing a three-year hiatusFor health reasons. Do not attemptTo consider eating saidGiant plate of lasagna,Along with other unsuitable delectables,Such as German chocolate delicaciesAnd OMG LINDOR BALLS!!!!As a perfectly innocuous undertakingSimply because you are ingesting potent medicationTo counteract the effects of your incurable disease. Do not attempt to push throughThis utterly preposterous Moment of Yikes!Simply because you had told the hostess, In a gleeful, exuberant moment Of your newfound joie de vivre,That your food allergiesAre no longer an issue.Because even if most of them are, in fact, No longer the absolute, unequivocal no-no’sThey were two months ago,Be assured that you will inevitably come face to fork With the culinary equivalent ofThe perfect intestinal storm. Do not attempt to poo-poo this perfect intestinal storm,Unless, like me, you are an idiot.Because, last night,Yours truly threw common sense To the Windy MillerAnd gobble-giggle-scoffed her dumbass wayThrough every single stage of all-of-the-aboveWith her zest-for-life/tralala/watch-me-pop-another-Lindor-Ball typical abandon,Only yanking the hand brakeWhen she suddenly had to express a warning shot ofOMG PUKE!!!Into her napkin and then dispose of itWith all the discretion the delightful evening called forAnd that the charming hostess deserved. Do not attempt thisUnless you are preparedTo endure a restless, musical, hallucinogenic night,And to waste a perfectly lovely following dayTo the barracuda-bazooka-wakaboom effectsOf a gluten and lactose overdose. Yours truly,Catatonic in Catalunya

Buy me some antcids

 

 

PSYCHEDELIC MILLEFEUILLES

Image Distinct Mind on Unsplash

 

 

I walk,

 Rhythmically,

Slipping through thoughts,

Down to the edge of lightheadedness,

Intrigued by a myriad fragmented

Senseless semi-thoughts,

Thoughts of thoughts on thoughts,

Void yet teeming, shapeless yet shapeshifting

Mesmerising

As they get a little

Weird on me,

Layering wildly

Like the flakiest millefeuilles

In a psychedelic patisserie

In the forest.

 

I walk,

And I wonder,

What is a thought?

VENUS AND THE CRESCENT MOON

Photo taken by my friend JP Bersier the other night while walking his dog. It was so late that the moon had already given up on getting anywhere with Venus and had gone to bed…

 

Nobody strikes a pose like Venus,

Hovering like Ava Gardner in silver lamé,

Just beyond the reach of a crescent moon

Eyeing her with the crooked smile of a matinee idol.

I chose to mention Ava Gardner because she used to holiday on the Costa Brava, in Tossa de Mar, where there is a statue in her honour as you walk up to the fortress on the top of the hill with amazing views of the sea and the town. I also think there was a well known Korean series shot in Tossa, or maybe an episode or two, as it attracts lots of Koreans who come especially. Kind of like the cathedral in Girona, where fans of Game of Thrones love to come!

Anyway, my papa loved seeing Ava Gardner and enjoyed patting her bum! Please don’t cancel him…

Enjoy my writing? Buy me a coffee!

Buy my book here, or on the Amazon closest to you!

 

WHAT DOES POETRY DO?

Just a little fun with pastels after a long walk with my Nordic poles in the sunshine that made me very hungry, so I had eggs and toast. And then too much bloody chocolate!!!!

EAGLES AND AMAZONS

What is this World Wide Web thing?

I asked my American friend, feeling slightly daft,

Yet unable to contain my sneeze of curiosity any longer.

Please be seated, she replied,

Pointing to the black leather swiveller

Facing her computer,

Her gesture calm and accommodating,

Unlike the scornful scoffs splashed upon me

When, in sixth grade, I asked one of the popular girls what shit meant,

And ascended the throne of Dorkville,

Where half of me still remains,

Albeit joyfully so.

 

What is this Internet bookshop thing?

My husband asked me, not feeling the slightest bit daft,

His tone suggesting a blend of amusement and irritation

Over the frequency of brown parcels

Containing English books

Deposited in our Swiss letterbox.

Please be seated, I replied,

Pointing to the white leather swiveller

Facing my computer,

Where I delightedly dialled up

The World Wide Web

And presented him with a little-known website named

Amazon.

 

“It’ll never work!” he exclaimed,

Whereupon my spirits slithered a little

At the notion of my newfound, regular supply of books

Screeching to a sudden stop.

Because how could someone with

Half a bum-cheek still firmly smushed

On the Throne of Dorkdom

Argue with

The smarts

Of an international legal eagle?

 

How indeed?!

Buy me a coffee!

 

SHE LOOKS GOOD FOR HER AGE

She looks good for her age,

A group of women agrees,

Shiny painted pinkies fluttering

Alongside frothy cups of cappuccino.

And I wonder who

Has made it through the minefield,

Outrun the canons,

And summitted the hill

Without “letting herself go”,

As we tend to say, usually with a tight-lipped frown,

Tweakment consenting of course.

 

Good for her, I think,

Hoping she lets herself go with enough

Fabulous Abandon

To yell

WHEEEEEEEE

As she skip-sashays all the way

Down

              To

                            The

                                          Bottom.

 

Buy me some magic moisturiser!!

 

WHAT’S ON YOUR LIST?

I sat in the sunshine this morning with some coloured crayons and block of drawing paper and made my list of what I would like more of and what I would like less of in 2025! I don’t think I’ve used coloured crayons (pastels) since circa 1980… I’ve signed up for a drawing course with Wendy MacNaughton on Substack, because it’s good to do more and more creative things, and I used to draw a lot when I was younger (I didn’t write “young”!). It was fun to sit in the sunshine and doodle and think about what I’d like more of this year. I almost wrote “weight” in the Less section, but abstained because, I can’t control everything because of the medication I have to take.

Maybe you’d like to do this too? Apart from being fun to play with colour and attempt to draw bougainvillea around the page, it was an interesting exercise, and not as obvious as it seems. I had to think about it a little. I’ll probably come up with many other things and make more specific lists…And who know, I might start drawing and even painting again! Illustrating my own poems would be fun….!!

Funny detail: I’d forgotten the satisfactory feel of using a good eraser!! Omg! Bliss…

Tell me about your list! Come on! It’s not like making NY resolutions, it’s just listening and paying attention.

Lots of love

Cesca xx

ALL THE WAY

 

The sea called this morning,

Hello, it said,

Can you come over,

Just for a little while.

I promise I won’t keep you,

I’ll be gentle,

Make you smile.

If you come,

You can choose,

Whether to paddle or

To go all the way.

Take it or leave it,

It said, parting the morning mist

With a gentle sigh.

 

So I went, alone,

On this first day

Of this brand-new year,

And the sea winked at me,

Irresistible in

January blue,

As I pottered down the beach path,

Arranged my towel in the damp gold sand

And wriggled into my New Year me.

 

My choice was made.

 

I went all the way.

 

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

HAPPY NEW WEIRD!

(Me to be added inside later. Dress by Victoria at La Galeria Elefante, Ibiza)

How odd

To picture myself

This time last year,

Holding myself together

For everyone

While feeling altogether

Where the fuck have I gone?

 

How amusing (sort of)

To imagine

My poor brain

Firing flares into the darkness,

Hoping someone might

Reconnect it with the

Huge unresponsive lump

Lolling dejectedly beneath it,

Almost

As though

I’d been

A teeny bit

Decapitated!

 

How wild

To imagine

Me and my happy (new) brain

Swanning

Into a party wearing a

HOT PINK SILK VELVET DRESS

Tonight,

Silver shoes,

Shiny hair,

Shiny eyes,

Red lips,

With

Not a single loose screw anywhere!

 

Ya think?!

 

Happy New Year!

HURRAY!

 

Buy me a glass of CHAMPAGNE!