Nancy Wilson's Blog, page 36

Grace Agenda

First I’d like to say that our Second Ever Femina Conference went super deluxe, and God kindly answered our many prayers regarding it. One of those prayers was that all the grandkids would be happy during all the hubbub. Bekah’s kids were at school during the conference, but Heather and Rachel had to do a little bit of fancy juggling. But all went well. Shadrach was a good baby and enabled Rachel to give her talk, and then she got to wear him in the front pack (the perfect accessory to her outfit) during the Q and A.

We appreciated each and every lady who came, as well as all the behind-the-scenes folks who made it all happen. We are already thinking of ideas for next year. Will life be calmer then? Will we have more prep time? Ha! I doubt it. But I’ll let you in on a secret: John Piper is coming to speak, Lord willing, at next year’s Grace Agenda conference, so snag your hotel reservations now!

Openings

How often in our Christian life do we ask God to open something? We ask Him for good reason, because God loves to open things. Jesus loves to open things. In fact, He came  to the world to open things. So we should pray that He will open those things that are shut in our lives, things we can’t pry open though we may try like crazy. Consider all these things that Jesus opens.

1. He opens hearts. “The Lord opened her heart to heed the things spoken by Paul” (Acts 16:14). This was Lydia’s conversion. When we pray for our friends and relatives to be converted, we are asking the Great Heart Opener to do His work.

2. He opens ears. “My ears You have opened.” (Psalm 40:6) He opened the ears of the deaf man in Mark 7: “He sighed, and said to him, ‘Ephphatha,’ that is ‘Be opened. Immediately his ears were opened…’” “Then the eyes of the blind shall be opened, and the ears of the deaf shall be unstopped” (Isaiah 35:5).

3. He opens eyes. The disciples did not recognize Jesus on the road to Emmaus (Luke 24:31). But later when He broke the bread, “their eyes were opened and they knew Him.” We need our eyes and ears opened regularly so we will recognize God’s presence with us.

4. He opens the Scriptures. Continuing in Luke (vs. 32) “Did not our heart burn within us while He talked with us on the road, and while He opened the Scriptures to us?” We need our hearts opened so the Scriptures will open up to us.

5. He opens our understanding. Following in Luke a few verses (vs. 45): “And He opened their understanding, that they might comprehend the Scriptures.” When we come to God’s Word or sit under the preaching of the Word, we should be praying that our understanding will be cracked open so we can get it.

6. He has an open hand. In Luke 11:10, Jesus says, “knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened.” This is an “open invitation” to ask, to seek, to knock.

7. He opens wombs. “Then God remembered Rachel, and God listened to her and opened her womb.” Children are from the Lord. Ask God to remember you as He remembered Rachel.

8. At Christ’s resurrection, not only did He break out of His tomb from the inside, opening the way to heaven for us, but the tombs of many of the saints were opened as well (Mt. 27:52).

We know nothing exists that God cannot overcome. No door is shut to Him that He can’t speak the word to open. He clears away hindrances, removes obstacles, and opens a way for us to come to Him for all we need.  He is the Great Opener and Way-Maker.

Some recently finished projects!

Here is my little man modeling his new sweater. He is four sweet weeks old today, keeping us busy, and old-fashioned tired. Love him!  He is asleep right now, but when awake, he feels that life is not worth living unless he is nursing or being held, so I am in a hurry to pop in and leave a few short thoughts. Someone texted me a link this morning to a Christianity Today article that cites Mom, Bekah, and myself for our nasty views regarding birth and gratitude. If you, like me, are out of touch with the twitters, you can go here to read it.

I am not interested in a birthing brawl, but given the fact that this article was fired out no end and is all over the internet, something needed to be said in lieu of a response. I wasn’t joking about time – I have about 8 minutes of free hands right now, and I have to mop (badly), so that gives me about 4. That is not even counting the box of cereal that Blaire dumped out on the couch this morning, so I am actually in the negatives here! So this is admittedly a speedy fly-by.

The first thing that I have wanted to express is that we delegate a lot of our decisions surrounding birth, and we do that happily. However, we care a great deal about who it is that we are asking to make decisions on our behalf. I go to a Christian OB who is avidly pro-life, and that matters.  I understand entirely that if you cannot trust the ethical decisions that a doctor would make on your behalf, you cannot trust any decision he would make. I get it. That is why we care about who our doctor is.

In the article, Rachel Stone says something about gratitude being fine, as far as it goes. I think that this is actually a really important part of our disagreement. I can speak on behalf of all three of us here that we would never (ever, under any circumstances) argue that there is no room for improvement in the world of birthing. Of course there is. What we differ on is how that change is going to occur.

Gratitude is something that doesn’t stop going. Gratitude can be a vehicle for change. Gratitude is not stagnant, mindless, or reflective of deep laziness. Gratitude is actually, in many cases, the beginning of great change. So when we say “be grateful,” it is not a call for Christian women everywhere to stop caring. It is a call for Christian women to offer up a prayer of thanksgiving for the mercy that God has shown us through the medical care that is available today. Gratitude is also a great antidote to fear. It is the easiest thing in the world to fall into a pattern of outrage, envy, and disgust with what we have been given – forgetting who it was that gave it to us. It is important to note that all the commands in Scripture, such as “In all things giving thanks” are not tethered with a contingency plan about whether or not you think unnecessary c-sections are on the rise.

God told us to give thanks, wherever we are. He did not tell us to do that so that we might remain stuck there forever. It is His plan for us to grow, and when we grow in that way, big things happen. Gratitude is not a greeting-card sentiment, it is a strategic weapon. If more Christian women would wield it without fear, we would witness a lot more change with a lot less fussing.

I am afraid that my birth plan was not completely represented – it actually had three points. First, to prioritize the health of the baby. Second, to go with the flow and trust our doctor. Third, to be grateful. We were given a great chance to do all three things, and we really are grateful.

I wasn’t joking about not wanting a birthing brawl! Look at that sweet boy up at the top – he is going to be yelling in a minute or two, and when he yells, he yells for me. I have my hands full – overflowing in fact, with blessings.

P.S. I am on standby to disable the comments if a brawl breaks out! So be good!

Winners!

Guess what? I actually did draw the winners of the book giveaway on Monday! I told them they won on Tuesday, and here I am to tell you! Congrats to Jenny, Christine, and Hillarey! Thanks to all the rest of you for entering too- we’ll have to do it again sometime!

Next Week!

So, there’s still time to get registered for the Makers Conference next week!

(And I’m sure there are great last minute plane tickets . . . )

Should be all kinds of fun!

Praying Like a Christian

When you are not sure how to pray for someone or not sure how to pray for yourself, I highly recommend thumbing through Psalm 119. This is a psalm I go back to often. The psalmist knew how to pray. Consider these inspired prayers and adopt them as your own. I won’t list every single prayer here, because, as you know, Psalm 119 is very long. But here is a small sample for you, just to get you started.

Notice how these prayers begin with strong verbs: teach, deal, open, revive, strengthen, remove, grant, incline, turn, establish, give, help, hold,  direct, make, hear, consider, plead, deliver. These are prayers of action! They are not vague, wishy-washy prayers, but prayers calling to Almighty God to rise up! If we want to be faithful women, women of prayer, we can learn by taking instruction from this psalm. God loves to answer the prayers of His people. So we ought to ask Him for far more than we do, reminding Him of His Word, speaking His language back to Him, and asking in faith for Him to intervene on our behalf.

Oh, let me not wander from Your commandments! (vs. 10)

Teach me Your statutes. (vs. 12,26, 33, 124)

Deal bountifully with Your servant that I may live and keep Your word. (vs. 17)

Open my eyes, that I may see wondrous things from Your law. (vs. 18)

Revive me according to Your word (vs. 25, 107) according to Your loving kindness (vs. 88, 159) according to Your justice (149) according to Your judgments (156).

Strengthen me according to Your word. (vs. 28)

Remove from me the way of lying, and grant me Your law graciously. (vs.  29)

Incline my heart to Your testimonies, and not to covetousness. (vs. 36)

Turn away my eyes from looking at worthless things, and revive me in Your way. (vs. 37)

Establish Your word to Your servant. (vs. 38)

Give me understanding, that I may learn Your commandments. (vs. 73, 144)

Let, I pray, Your merciful kindness be for my comfort, according to Your word to Your servant. Let your tender mercies come to me, that I may live. (vs. 76-77)

Help me! (vs. 86)

Hold me up, and I shall be safe. (vs. 117)

Direct my steps by Your word, and let no iniquity have dominion over me. (133)

Make Your face shine upon Your servant, and teach me Your statutes. (135)

Hear me, O Lord! (145)

Consider my affliction and deliver me. (153)

Plead my cause and redeem me. (154)

Deliver me according to Your word. (170)

Let Your hand become my help. (173)

Now hit the pause button and look  at a few examples of what the supplicant claims for himself:

With my whole heart I have sought You. (vs. 10)

With my lips I have declared all the judgments of Your mouth. I have rejoiced in the way of Your testimonies, as much as in all riches. (14)

My soul breaks with longing for Your judgments at all times. (vs. 20)

My soul clings to the dust. (vs. 25)

My soul melts with heaviness. (vs. 28)

I have chosen the way of truth. (30)

I cling to your testimonies. (31)

For I trust in Your Word. (42)

I will delight myself in Your commandments, which I love. (47)

I remember Your name in the night, O Lord, and I keep Your law. (55)

I am a companion of all those who fear You, and of those who keep Your precepts. (63)

God wants us to remind Him (and ourselves) of our complete dependence on Him. But we should also recount to Him our love of His commands, His Word, His gospel, His Son, and His law, as well as our great need for His help and deliverance.

If we want to pray like Christians, we must imitate these prayers He has given us in His Word. Can you imagine what would   happen if we started praying like this? A revival would break out! So let’s get started. Let it begin with us first.

Metaphor Run Amok?

Here’s a weird analogy for you. (I had this sense that everyone was a little short on weird analogies . . . )

TI Invaders. Anyone out there remember this? It was an early 80s video game, and for some strange reason, we had it. I think it was a gift from our uncle – but I was about five or six years old so I don’t know for sure. What I do remember was that we had TI Invaders and Munch-Man . . . and this was the same era in my life that I was allowed to watch Welcome to Pooh Corner. I have a sort of feeling that we played the game with a joystick hooked up to a computer . . . one of those huge computers that had a black screen with orange writing.

Does this jog your memory? (And no, I’m not still playing the game. I googled for this picture.)

I imagine we got the game somewhere around 1982, and I don’t think I’ve given it another thought since probably 1984. Until now. The other night I was lying in bed after a particularly spicy day when things kept coming over the plate a little too fast for me, and I told Ben (who was already thoroughly konked out) that I was feeling just exactly like I was living in TI Invaders. I had this image of zooming back and forth, trying to shoot at things that are falling out of the sky, and they’re always falling just slightly too fast for you. And of course, once you get good at it, what happens? You go to the next level, and they start falling faster. No matter how expert you get at shooting strange dot matrix aliens, there are always more of them coming, and they’re just that much faster than you are. So you sit there with a death grip on the joystick, your tongue sticking out the side of your mouth and a concentrated look on your face, trying to get good enough to shoot them all. Once you master it, you’re on to the next level, and your recently acquired competence is suddenly not quite enough.

Does this sound familiar? As it turns out, TI Invaders is a lot like life. God gives us a set of challenges, and they can seem huge and overwhelming. Our job is to grab the joystick and concentrate – trying to master what he’s put in front of us. It might be the overwhelmingness of being a newlywed and suddenly realizing that this means planning menus and having food in the house and cooking every single night – and not just occasionally when you feel like it. (Remember when that seemed pretty intense?!) As soon as that starts to settle into a groove, God throws you a curve ball. Now you’re morning sick, or you move to another city, or whatever. You muscle through that, and then you’re on to the next challenge.

As a mother, I remember when having one baby was an all encompassing endeavor. I mean, there was so much to learn! Dealing with teething, handling diaper blowouts, learning to tell when your baby is hungry and when he’s just sleepy, wondering what to do with fevers, how to know when to start introducing solids, you know the drill. I think back on that phase now, and of course all those issues don’t seem nearly as huge as they did then. Five babies later, that part seems pretty easy. If God moved us into that phase and then just kept us there, we could get pretty good at it!  But of course, children don’t stay babies. If you’re a mother with lots of children and you’ve been in the “baby phase” for 17 years and are a total pro, of course now you’re trying to do the same baby routine with ten other children in the house. Not quite the same as that first time around! And even if you only ever have one child, you realize that just one presents a constant stream of new challenges. As soon as you have the baby thing figured out, now you have a toddler! And the split minute you think you’ve got that sorted, they’re suddenly a big kid with new needs. And then they’re a teenager. And then you’re a grandmother and you’re starting all over, learning a new role.

If we could only rewind, we would laugh at the things that seemed so challenging to us five or ten years ago! Think of all the things you could get done if you were just a mom with one baby! And why is it that you couldn’t get them done when you were a mom with one baby?

I think we can learn something about God from this. He doesn’t want us to become experts who then proceed to perform with perfect competence until we die. Perfect competence isn’t the point. Forward progress is the point. And I think if our ultimate goal is perfect competence, then we’re wanting the wrong thing. People who manage to somehow achieve a situation in life where everything is under control, nothing is out of place, nothing ever ruffles their feathers . . . well I think they might be the person who’s buried their talent. They don’t want risk. They want to know where everything is all the time. They’ve buried their talent and they’re sitting on it. They’re not moving forward. They’re the person who mastered level 1 on TI Invaders and refuses to go to the next level. They play level 1 over and over and over with perfect skill.

Sometimes those people can be intimidating. You look at them and see them shooting those aliens out of the sky with nonchalant ease. They make it look so simple. And here you are, beads of sweat on your forehead, missing tons of aliens, and you wonder what your problem is. But if you’re on level 14, then you don’t have anything to be insecure about. Just get good at level 14, and then don’t cry when God moves you to level 15.

Note! It’s also possible that you’re flunking out on level 1, and the other person is actually much better at this than you. I’m not trying to say that anyone who seems to be better  than you is actually worse! But what I am saying is that the ideal for which you strive should not be a perfect mastery of level 1, and that’s the end. Some people strive for that, and some people achieve it. And then they get featured in magazines. And that shouldn’t make you insecure. Level 1 is not the entire game. Neither should you worry about what level other people are on at all. That’s not your problem. God may be working on them in areas completely invisible to you. He works on everyone in His own way, and what He does with them is not your problem. Our goals should not be based around what we think other people are achieving. Our goal is to make the most of the challenges that God has given to us. That’s more than enough to keep us busy – and if you have one eye on how your neighbor is doing, I can guarantee you that you’re missing a lot of aliens through lack of proper concentration!

The other thing to remember is that God is the one who moves us to the next level when He thinks we’re ready. The big picture plan is in His hands, and if He keeps us in the same level for a really long time, then that’s up to Him. Look at what He’s put in front of you, and figure out how you can get better at it. He’ll move you on when He thinks you’re ready.

I think the obvious thing we need to realize is that God is never done with us. He sends us new challenges, not for the sake of the challenge itself, but for what it is going to do for our soul. He gives us piles of laundry, not because He cares so much about laundry, but because He knows that laundry is an excellent means of sanctification! He’s an artist, carving the rough and unpromising stone that is you into the image of his son. He chips and hammers and polishes and smooths, and when He’s done with one part of you He moves on to the next. Dishes and laundry and carpool and early mornings and late nights and sticky floors and dustbunnies are the sandpaper by which He polishes you. Major trials and heartache are His hammer and chisels. And our job is to be eager for the transformation – anxious to see what the final masterpiece is going to look like. Our job is to not get in the way. Not to complain about the progress. Not to wish we were back in the earlier phases. Imagine a rough block of stone, shaped vaguely like a head, with a perfectly chiseled nose sticking out the front with no other features. That’s you, having completed the early levels. Don’t decide that’s good enough. Be anxious to see where God is going to work on you next, and then (to wildly mix my metaphors) grab the joystick (appropriately named) and tackle the next level.

The Wait is Almost Over!

For all you Ashtown Burial fans, book two is nearly here! The Drowned Vault hits stores on September 11. We’re having a release party at BookPeople in Downtown Moscow from 6:00 – 8:00pm. There will be a short reading, Sister’s Cookies, Bucers ice coffee, and door prizes. All pre-paid, pre-orders are 20% off. If you’re in the area, come on down! Most of you aren’t local, but you can still get a signed copy at 20% off. Call in a preorder to BookPeople (208- 882-2669) to get the discount price and Nate will be happy to sign it before they ship it out. Think early Christmas presents… Hope to see many of you there!

Give Away!

I have been meaning to do a book give away for ages. Here it is! I have three copies to give away, and all you have to do to enter is leave a comment here. I will do the drawing Monday!

I don’t know if I have ever told you all this, but when this book was in the works, I felt very strongly that it needed to actually look like my life. I didn’t want any shiny family photos on the cover. Didn’t want any pretend about it. So, we looked through our old photos and found this one of Chloe. Fit the bill! Captured a little bit of reality. But not all of it. All of it was too much to look at.  Because all of it was this:There are a lot of photos in this sequence. In some of them you can see the enormous pile of laundry in the chair in the background. Some of them are action shots of Chloe rubbing the noodles onto her eye. I don’t know why I was taking pictures instead of intervening. I imagine it felt therapeutic. Still does, actually!

When you need…

A while ago I was asked to do a radio interview about my book. In the course of the discussion the man asked me what advice I had for moms who lacked a support group. How can they find help? How can you meet the people who can encourage you, perhaps stirring you up to love and good works, and cheerfulness in the midst of potty training? Of course this doesn’t apply to moms only – lots of people struggle with this. But there is something unique about being a mom that makes it harder to really get out there and meet people. You could go to the park with other moms, and maybe not get past a few sentences coherently exchanged. There are diapers, scrapes, all manner of interruptions. It is not as easy to go somewhere because you need to plan around meals and naps and potties and whatever else is currently happening. You need to know that your own energy will hold up, that you could get yourself back home from wherever you are going. Most of the time mothers are not free to make friends the way they used to.

So what if you really need a little help? What if you are in that burned out, beat up, emotionally sloppy place that is so easily gotten into? If you are short on sleep, short on time, short on friends (or even long on friends who need you), and long on demands, this is simply going to be part of your life. The companionship of little children is delightful, funny, fun, and incredible demanding. Nursing and pregnancy can create an ambiance of exhaustion that is hard to get out of. I remember as a senior in high school I used to T.A. in the pre-school. I loved the kids, loved the funniness of everything, would stay for a few hours and feel like I needed to go lie down in a dark room somewhere for the rest of the day. Yet many of us live in an atmosphere a little bit like a pre-school classroom around the clock.

Anyways, back to the original question, how is this overcome? What should we do when we are flat out needy? The answer might not be easy, but it is oh so effective. Rephrase the question for yourself. Stop making a little mental list of all the things that would be nice to have someone do for you. Stop thinking of what you would like to be given, and start thinking about what you have to give. We have condensed this in our house to a very simple “when you need, give.” It is incredibly easy to fall into the temptation of keeping a close watch on potential nice things other people could do for you. But do not define yourself as a needer. Define yourself as a giver.

I know you are thinking (especially if you are a mother), that of course you are a giver. Look at all these people who loiter around you looking for handouts all day long. But there is a huge difference between giving things reluctantly or selfishly, or with dead eyes, or with threats, or as a bribe, and being a giver.

Imagine if that friend you wished you had came to the door with a coffee for you. Without smiling, she handed it to you and said “There. Are you happy now?” then she follows you into your house and says “Oh my word. My head hurts, I am so tired. What do you want me to do? Your laundry or something? FINE! I’ll do it.” Then she could set up a laundry folding area in the middle of your living room so that wherever you went you were able to see her looking imposed on, rubbing her temples dramatically, and sighing ostentatiously. After four hours of this kind  of giving, she could finally leave your house with  a parting comment about how totally selfless she is, and how it would be nice if someone would think of her every once in a while.

Would you feel so blessed? Would you be so thankful that you had a friend who gave herself so thoughtfully to you? I’m actually pretty certain that we all would have felt more like telling her as she headed out, “No one thinks of you because you have a corner on that market. No one could possibly think more of you and your needs than you do. Goodbye, and don’t come back. Don’t ever pretend to give to me again.”

Of course this is an extreme example. But how much of our “selfless giving” to our children is done with this kind of flair? How many of the meals we make are delivered to our families with a side of droopy eyes, temple rubbing, and loud sighs? Are we really giving what we think we are giving, or are we being that terrible imaginary friend to them? Do your children feel given to? Or do they feel like you would if someone like that came over to help you? Resented, insulted, boring, and unwanted.

The truth is that we cannot necessarily control whether we have friends who give to us. We cannot build a perfect support system for ourselves. What we can do is get outside of ourselves and seek to give to others with a cheerful heart. We can let go of our self absorption and start giving, every time we have an opportunity (which is many thousands of times in a day) with a thankful heart.  So if you are feeling low, think of what you can give. You can always give a smile, give a cheerful laugh, give a meal with no strings of desperation tied onto it. You can confess an attitude that may be in the way. You can turn your thoughts out. You can look to the interests of others who God has placed so conveniently close for giving.

My Dad has always said, for years and years, don’t spend your time looking in your own heart. The human heart is full of nothing good. Do not go dumpster diving in the needy emotions that you are sure to find inside somewhere. When you feel needy, look to Christ. Because if you belong to him, you have no needs that have not been filled. When you are looking to Christ, you have so much to give. When you have what he has given you, and you still are consumed with what you need, you need to get yourself re-oriented. You have the Holy Spirit, you have the love of God, you have forgiveness of sins. Drink from that river when you are thirsty. Because that water flows so fast it can not be contained. When you turn to that source, your life will be a life of overflow. Overflow of joy, of gratitude, of forgiveness, or fullness of life. You can never out-need the greatest Giver. And all the needs below you? All the little cups being held up for water? Give with the same abandon that God gave to you. Give selflessly. Give without reservation. Give in kindness, in laughter, in forgiveness, and in joy. Give what you have been given.